Chapter Text
Daniel: You know what I’ve realized?
Max: Some thoughts are better left unsaid?
Daniel: Nice try, anyways-
George: I think Max is in trouble.
Lando: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest.
Max: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait.
Daniel: You and me!
Max: *tearing up* Ok.
Lewis: Yuki, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight?
Yuki: Raise the dead.
Lewis: And what did you do?
Yuki: …Raise the dead.
Yuki, turning to Nando: Stop calling yourself hot, the only thing you can turn on is the microwave.
Lando: *Reading a letter*
Oscar: Well, what does it say?
Lando: It’s a confession letter. It turns out George killed my pet rock.
George *in the distance*: I’M SORRYYYYYYYYYYY
Lando: I'm tired.
Oscar: You slept for three hours last night! Why are you surprised?!
Lando: I'm not surprised. I just wanted to complain about it.
Charles: We should be partners.
Max: You mean like, partners in crime?
Charles: Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.
Charles: I’ve been dropping him the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Max: Wow. He sounds stupid.
Charles: But he’s not. He’s really smart actually. Just dense.
Max: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”
Charles: I guess you’re right. Hey Max, I love you.
Max: See! Just say that!
Charles: Holy fucking shit.
Max: If that flies over his head then, sorry Charles, but he’s too dumb for you.
Charles: Max.
Charles: If I were a drink, I'd be Cherry Vanilla Coke. If you were a drink, what would you be?
Logan: Bleach.
Yuki: Sewage.
Charles: ...Please calm down, edgelords.
Carlos: Well, remember when Charles made a romantic dinner for me?
Lando: Carlos, he microwaved you a pizza.
Esteban, after all the time penalties: I came out here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now.
Daniel: *Takes a sip of milk and gags*
Daniel: Oh my god, is this expired?
Daniel: *Takes another sip of milk*
Logan: The risk I took was calculated but, man, am I bad at math.
Alex: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.
George: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.
Oscar: Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment?
Lando: They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.
Charles: Regular soda is too sweet!
Pierre: Diet soda has a weird aftertaste!
Charles: No! Ugh, oh my god. Diet soda is THE BEST! It doesn't have sugar! It's SPICY!
Pierre: It has other weird stuff in it! I'll take REGULAR sugar in my REGULAR soda!
Charles: It's SO SWEET like it's a dessert though! Diet feels more like a drink!
Pierre: I'm going to physically attack you.
Charles: Which is better, Max?
Max: Oh, I usually drink water!
Pierre: Wha- NO!
Charles: DISGUSTING!
George: I’ve become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I’ve probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They’re the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this?
Alex: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.
Seb: Pardon the intrusion, but-
Kimi: On this moment or just my life in general?
Lando: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Oscar: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.
Daniel: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?
Lewis: You’re a hazard to society
Max: And a coward. DO TWENTY.
Yuki: Bro-
Pierre: No, no, hold up, rewind.
Pierre: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??
Lewis: Could you be any more annoying?
Lando: Yes.
Lewis: So, what’s Seb’s type?
Daniel: Brown eyes, kind, oblivious, good sense of humor, turtle lover.
Lewis: Sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends.
Daniel: Did I mention oblivious?
Lewis: Yeah, why?
Daniel: Okay, just making sure.
Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut?
Lando: Preferably with scissors, but a sword would be badass.
Max: Charles, we're hungry!
Pierre: Charles! What's for dinner?
Carlos: We're hungry, Charles!
Charles, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*
Valterri: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!!
Zhou: Valterri-
Zhou: It- it was just an ant-
Daniel: Truth or dare?
Max: Truth.
Daniel: How many hours have you slept this week?
Max:
Max: Dare.
Daniel: Go to sleep.
Max: I don't like this game.
Lewis: What happened to Lando?
Carlos: …he died.
Lewis: HE WHAT?
Oscar: He died, but he’s okay.
Lewis: …Can you please clarify?
Carlos and Oscar: ...No.
George: Love makes people do stupid things.
Lando: I love everything!
George: That explains a lot.
Charles: You need to stop swearing so much.
Max: Shut the fuck up.
Charles: Yeah, that's not how you do it.
Max: Alright sorry. It's just that it's hard not to swear. The words just creep up on me when I least expect it.
Charles: Now now, don't be like that. Just replace the swear words with 'beep' and you'll be fine.
Max: Shit the beep up.
Charles:
Max: SHUT, DAMMIT! I MEANT SHUT!
Charles: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Lando: 'Prettiest Smile'
Alex: 'Nicest Personality'
Max: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Kimi: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
Lance: You know I think my life has value.
Fernando: Who are you and what have you done with Lance?!
Max: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*
Max: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.
Alex: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Max: I'm a knife.
Charles, from across the room: He’s the little spoon.
Oscar: You believe me?
Lando: Oscar, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.
Oscar: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
George: Several traffic violations.
Lando: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Logan: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Alex: Also, that’s not our car.
Max: I wanna sleep for 40 hours.
Daniel: You know that's called a coma, right?
Max:
Max: That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.
Lando: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn’t see their reflection?
Daniel: I’ve never considered it but you’re really shining light on what’s probably a very serious issue.
Daniel, trying to teach Max how to flirt: Just be yourself. Say something nice.
Max: Which one? I can't do both.
Pierre: Did you buy eggs like I asked?
Yuki: Even better!
Pierre: What the fuck did you-
Yuki: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.
*the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups*
Charles, Lewis, and Oscar: *spinning a little and talking*
Daniel, Lando, and Alex: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*
Charles: You're a lying piece of shit!
Max: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!
George: I'm leaving and I'm taking Alex with me!
Lewis, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.
Charles: Go to hell!
Max: Oh! I’ve been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.
Nando, holding in his laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?
Lewis: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.
Nando:
Nando: Water you doing?
Lando: Hey do you wanna hang out this weekend?
Oscar: Generic excuse.
Lando: I can’t believe you said that out loud, to my face.
Oscar: I can.