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“Tenma-san, what do you have to say about your latest performance?”
“I have to say that I have to thank my lovely director for his words of encouragement. Without him, I’m not too sure that I would have been nearly as successful as I have been,” the blonde chuckled, tucking a loose piece of hair behind his ear as a smile bloomed across his face*. “There is no one that can make an actor shine brighter than the director, and I have him to thank for helping me get this far*.”
Rui had turned off the television by this point, unable to stand hearing his precious husband talk so carelessly about another man, another director at that! Sure, it was his job and it was inevitable to praise the cast, but he couldn’t help but feel jealous. If only he had the ability to storm onto set then and there and show everyone that Tsukasa was his star.
But he wouldn’t, especially after promising the blonde he’d be on his best behaviour. It wasn’t as if he was ever an actual threat to the other’s acting career, but he could admit that he was a bit overprotective if given the opportunity. Unluckily (though, much more luckily in retrospect), he had been stuck on daughter duty for that day.
To the surprise of no one, after a few years of living in wedding bliss and managing to navigate life in their honeymoon phase much longer than most married couples did, Rui and Tsukasa took the time to adopt. The process was tedious and a bit more difficult than expected, but all the work it took disappeared within moments the first time they held onto their new baby girl.
She didn’t look particularly like either of them, rather normal in nature with small wisps of darker hair and brown eyes, but it didn’t matter. To them, she was perfect and already a part of their small family. If Rui had the final say, he would’ve suggested they go searching for an exotic pet next – Tsukasa had flatly denied his idea for a platypus around the house for the time being, however.
Regardless, Rui did cherish their daughter greatly and was more than happy to take care of her while Tsukasa went off to his day job; despite his tendency to grow a bit absentminded regarding his own needs in the past, he was a rather good father if he had to say so himself. His job allowed him to be stay-at-home for the most part, minus days he had to go into the office (but usually someone could fill in the space so she was never lonely).
On days like this though, where he feels farther from Tsukasa than ever, it was a guttural punch to the stomach. If it wasn’t for the giggling of their daughter when he moved to pick her up for some well-needed comfort, perhaps he would’ve felt even lonelier.
“Koboshi, I hope your father comes back soon,” he whined, a small frown crossing his features as he gently held her cheek in his palm, rubbing her nose with the pad of his thumb. The girl in question could only puff out her cheeks and blink at him, as if acknowledging his words. “You’re his little star, and I’m his darling director, or so he says… he would never leave us like this if he truly cared!”
Rui continued to grumble as he put her in the highchair, listening to her babbles in response before pulling out a jar of… whatever baby food Tsukasa had left behind for him to feed her (he had to start putting them in non-descript jars less Rui fish out any vegetable related ones in favour of sweeter flavours). Pulling a chair to sit besides her and lifting up the spoon, he couldn’t help but feel his heart clench upon thinking about it a bit more.
Usually Tsukasa was bright and loud enough to completely quench these fears, but it had been so quiet lately. His star’s current job had taken him away for the weekend; in theory, it was only three days and two nights, but it was enough for Rui to mourn the loss of his beloved in true Rui fashion. Two nights without Tsukasa to cuddle was like sending him away entirely!
Arguably worse though was the fears that came to settle in Rui’s heart when Tsukasa was gone. It wasn’t as if the blonde ever gave him a reason to fear, rather the opposite, but it was enough to send chills down his spine nonetheless, and even if Tsukasa was merely being kindhearted as always, hearing him talk so happily about other directors or other people in general made him grow nervous no matter how “used” to it he should be.
It was different as well when it came to Tsukasa being the way he was in regards to say, Saki or Toya, people Rui was aware he saw as siblings, hell even Akito or Nene didn’t make him feel nearly as bad (though he expected it was because Akito was Toya’s partner as Nene was something akin to a sister to him and a newly-wedded wife to Emu) – no, it was always when it came to work, which was much worse when he laid it out.
Why should Rui be jealous of Tsukasa’s coworkers after all? It was inevitable he would work with others, and the blonde always thrived in circumstances like so, but there was always something cold left behind in the director’s heart when he listened to Tsukasa’s praises of… other men? Other directors? Other people who claimed to have only the best interest for Tsukasa and his career despite making choices Rui wouldn’t make?
It was pathetic saying it like that, and Rui could only bury himself deeper into his worries. Perhaps it was the underlying fear that Tsukasa would find someone better still; it had been something that plagued him for many years, and he swore he was well over it, especially now that they were married and had a kid, but old habits always seem to die hard.
“Tsukasa-kun will be back home today,” Rui mumbled, peering at the empty jar and the mess that inevitably appeared on Koboshi’s face. He stood up, walking over to the sink and rinsing off the spoon before grabbing a towel to clean up their daughter’s face. She leaned into the touch, and Rui couldn’t help but sigh.
He should be happy that he was living what was probably an ideal life, and he definitely was, don’t get him wrong, but every time he found himself stuck like this, he wished it was even easier. He would never want to monopolize Tsukasa’s time or skill, that would be cruel, but at the same time it would certainly make him feel better. Rui figured talking to him would help ease the tension as well, but Tsukasa was always so busy and he never wished to ruin the time they did share.
Rui could acknowledge his jealousy was unfounded after all, merely rooted in old insecurities and childish desire, but he couldn’t help but itch for more and more; Tsukasa had unknowingly given him everything he ever wanted when they had been so young that Rui had become insatiable as time passed.
Picking up Koboshi and bringing her over to her playmat, he kneeled by her side and watched her grab for the hanging toys, trying not to sulk. It wasn’t good for the baby to feel such a downcast energy, but he couldn’t help it. The more he thought about Tsukasa, the more he wanted to see him, but the more he wanted to see him, the worse he felt about the whole situation. It was a never-ending cycle that only ate away at Rui.
Should he feel guilty about wanting to be with his husband all the time? Perhaps not, but at the same time, he felt selfish for wanting to never leave him. It wasn’t out of a sense of deluded jealousy, but he was always a tad bit possessive, so it was only fair that he hadn’t changed in that aspect, right?
Rui could find himself spiraling deeper into his thoughts, almost spacing out entirely before hearing the door open from afar. Immediately perking up, he looked to find the person he wanted to see most. He was met with a large grin and bright eyes, and he couldn’t help but quickly rush to his side, wrapping him in a hug.
Tsukasa was quickly overpowered by Rui’s embrace, surrounded on all sides and making it impossible to escape. Koboshi squealed in excitement as well, but the taller didn’t budge for a second, face buried into Tsukasa’s hair.
“Rui…! You’re going to suffocate me!” the blonde whined, fingers pulling at the back of his shirt. He attempted to squirm out of his embrace to no avail, and quickly gave in, hugging the other back with a soft sigh. He had missed Rui just as much.
“Tsukasa-kun… you can’t leave us alone like that again, okay?” Rui whimpered, pulling back slightly to give the blonde a pleading look. “Koboshi and I didn’t know what to do! It was so lonely without our precious star!” Tsukasa could only smile lightly at that, nodding along.
“Alright, alright~ It’s only right to have missed my star presence! Ha ha ha! No worries, my dearest, I will not be going anywhere, but I would like to see Koboshi as well! I have missed her just as much,” he hummed, squeezing Rui’s arm gently before being reluctantly released. Leaning down, he picked up Koboshi and cradled her, cooing gently as she giggled in return.
Rui could feel it again. That small sliver of a pull on his heart – how disgusting could he be? Here he was, jealous of their own daughter. He loved them both so dearly, and he knew Tsukasa loved her just as much as he loved him, so why was he so damn scared? He had gotten his fair share of attention, it was only right for Tsukasa to turn to the next person he loved. What was next? He would be scared of letting Tsukasa go to Saki or Toya’s? Would he react the same upon seeing Nene or Emu interact with him? He couldn’t help but bitterly smile at the thought. He didn’t catch Tsukasa looking at him within the moment though.
“Rui? What’s wrong?” he asked, and Rui quickly dropped the expression to feign a rather whiny expression. He didn’t want to bother Tsukasa after just returning from his trip, but it seemed the blonde knew all his tricks. He looked at Koboshi, pressing a small kiss to her forehead. “I’m going to put you back in your crib for now, okay sweetie?”
Doing as he said he would, he headed towards her nursery and Rui couldn’t help but pad along behind them, doing his best to disguise his guilt, but it only seemed to come back at full force watching Tsukasa place Koboshi down for her nap and come back to look his husband in the eyes.
Wordlessly, he led Rui to their bedroom, sitting down on the bed before urging the other to follow suit. Obediently, he did, but he couldn’t help but flinch at Tsukasa’s hand reaching up to his face, pulling him down to place their foreheads together.
“It’s just us, Rui,” he whispered softly, rubbing his thumb against his cheek in a comforting manner. “Can you tell me what’s wrong? Did something happen while I was gone?” Placing his hand on Tsukasa’s wrist, he stared at the other with a frown.
“Nothing happened, Tsukasa-kun,” he mumbled in response, opting to avoid the other’s gaze. “I just missed you is all…”
“Rui… I missed you too but… I can tell something is up,” he huffed. Tsukasa’s hands moved to his shoulders, pulling the other in close. “Was I gone for too long? We haven’t gone this long without each other in a while, especially not while we had Koboshi, so if it’s too stressful- !!”
“No!” Rui exclaimed, pulling back with a terrified look on his face at the mere thought. If Tsukasa held back or didn’t accept work because of him… He didn’t want to dare think about him being the reason Tsukasa didn’t reach his full potential. “Tsukasa-kun, I would never ask for you to sacrifice your work for me. It’s nothing to worry about. I promise I really did just miss you.”
Tsukasa peered at Rui, unconvinced. He scooted back and pulled the other further onto the bed, ushering him to lay down as he laid back across from him. Intertwining their fingers, the blonde gave a small frown, tugging further at Rui’s heart.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you, and I’m not going to force you to tell me, but I hope you know that I love you, okay?” He shook their intertwined hands together, forcibly drawing Rui’s attention to their wedding bands. “No matter who, what, where… it’s always going to be us together, and Koboshi as well. We’re a family, so if you have anything bothering you, it’s enough for me to worry about, because I care about you.”
Rui couldn’t help but pout, leaning into Tsukasa.
“You’re so kind to me, my star. I was just… jealous perhaps is all. I’m so… so scared that one day this will all be over. It’s such a silly fear, I know, but every time you leave my side… I wonder if you’re going to come back.” He releases the blonde’s hand, instead opting to wrap his arms around the other’s waist, burying his face into his chest as Tsukasa’s hands pet the back of his head.
“Rui… I promise, I’m not going anywhere,” Tsukasa cooed. “It’s not silly though… I get scared that you’re not going to be here waiting for me sometimes too… but that’s okay. We’ll talk about it, and I promise that I’ll always come back.”
Rui turned his head, looking up at his star.
“And I promise that I’ll always be here, Tsukasa.”
The blonde smiled down at him, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, and Rui snuggled closer, letting out the breath he was holding. Perhaps there was still a bit of fear that lingered, but it didn’t matter, because Tsukasa was home, and he was the one holding him in his arms.
Rui wouldn’t trade that for the world.