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They’re not sure when it started. When a knife to the throat turned into passing glances, lidded eyes laced with longing. The first time they touched; the first time they came together, it was out of mere circumstance, they were two bodies with needs, needs that they could very easily satisfy together. It became almost a nightly ritual, sometimes she appeared at the entrance of Lae’zel’s tent, sometimes it was other way around. All she knew was that she would take anything to fill the void, do anything to stop feeling.. like this. It’s anything but romantic, it’s raw and real and carnal, and it takes days for the bruises to disappear after. But gods, the sex is good.
She doesn't kiss me on the mouth anymore
'Cause it's more intimate, than she thinks we should get
She doesn't look me in the eyes any more
Too scared of what she'll see, somebody holdin' me
It’s a horrible thought to have. But she didn’t think the githyanki could cry, she didn’t think they were capable of it. But the tears stream down Lae’zel’s face just the same as any other being. It’s a mix of sadness and grief and despair and anger, anger that burns, anger that hurts, a bubbling rage that grabs Shadowheart by the braid and shoves her down face down into the bedroll. There were no sweet words tonight, no teasing as Lae’zel enters her. Her pace is rough and relentless and Shadowheart can’t help but enjoy every single moment of it. Fuck Vlaakith for what she’s done, truly. Lady Shar will have to forgive her for this, but Shadowheart says a silent prayer thanking the Lich Queen now too, because without her she wouldn’t have this right now.
When I wake up all alone
And I'm thinking of your skin
I remember, I remember what you told me
“Don’t think so highly of yourself, gith. This is nothing. Just a bit of fun.” Shadowheart says suddenly the next morning as they get dressed. Her voice is hoarse, she can barely manage to spit out the words and she hopes they sound stronger than she feels. Part of her wonders just who she was really trying to convince, herself or Lae’zel? It seems to work though, the gith leaves without another word and she’s all alone again. And just like that, the emptiness returns to her chest.
Said that we're not lovers, we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all
We're not lovers, we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all
Rough becomes their new normal. The half-elf’s smirk widens as the githyanki falls to her knees and when she grabs her face to tilt her head up, she grabs so hard that she can feel her sharp teeth. Lae’zel wasn’t a loud partner by any means, but still Shadowheart manages to coax those sounds from her, manages to make her whimper, manages to make her moan her name into the darkness of her tent. And when it was all over, they would part ways like nothing ever happened. Still, those glances began to linger just a moment too long, their touch softens, they find themselves drawn to each other, craving each other’s company.
One morning, when Shadowheart is much too tired to move and the air outside is much too cold to venture out into, she curls into Lae’zel instead; sleepily pressing her lips to every freckled spot she can see. Those strong arms wrap around her and she is lured back to sleep. For once she feels safe, for once she feels something other than emptiness. They don’t speak of it, but it slowly becomes a habit. She’s surprised at how soft someone so strong could be.
She doesn't call me on the phone any more
She's never listening, she says it's innocent
She doesn't let me have control any more
I must've crossed a line, I must've lost my mind
Seated atop a throne that once belonged to a god, Shadowheart sings Lae’zel’s praises and her lover worships her in turn. Once the fog of lust clouding her mind is sated, she’s content with just being in her arms. Pressing tender kisses to her face. Their minds link and she wonders... can Lae’zel feel the depths of the cleric’s feelings for her? Does she understand them at all? When they return to camp, they don’t follow their usual routine, instead the githyanki falls asleep with her head on Shadowheart’s chest, listening to her heartbeat while the half-elf combs her fingers through her messy brown hair. Her goddess might have abandoned her, but at least she still had this... whatever this was.
When I wake up all alone
And I'm thinking of your skin
I remember, I remember what you told me
Her parents were gone and her memories too... She wonders if this was how Lae’zel had felt when her world came crashing down. When the weight of every decision she’d ever made collided with her new reality. Her make up runs as tears streak her face and she straddles Lae’zel’s lap, their lips crash together in a torrent of teeth and brims and tongue. She doesn’t bother to undress, the githyanki simply pushes her dress to the side and has her way with her. She chokes back a sob when those fingers press and curl against her, it’s torturously slow, but it’s exactly what she wants. She doesn’t want to feel anything but this right now, for as long as possible. Fuck Shar. She needs this so bad it hurts.
Said that we're not lovers, we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all
We're not lovers, we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all
The days blend together like the bustling crowds of the city. She shows Lae’zel around and it’s almost like they can pretend to be at peace for a few hours. When they return to the Elfsong early they find themselves alone. They quickly become a tangled mess of legs and sweat and sheets. Shadowheart isn’t shy about voicing her pleasures and Lae’zel has enough stamina to coax her to her peak over and over and over again. Today is different though, her lover’s eyes seem further away. And when Shadowheart tries to return the favor, running her hands down over the gityanki’s chiseled abdomen before dipping further down, Lae’zel flinches and pulls away from her.
I miss the mornings with you laying in my bed
I miss the memories replaying in my head
I miss the thought of a forever, you and me
But all you're missing is my body, oh
“Did.. did I do something wrong?” The voice that comes from her doesn’t sound like her own, it sounds much smaller. She sits up to follow her companion, chases her as she pulls away from her touch, reaches for her but is swiftly rejected.
“You said it yourself, istik. We are nothing.” Lae’zel says the words with enough force to rip the wings from a dragon’s back. Her golden eyes were always sharp, but for some reason tonight, she won’t make eye contact with her. She gets up and quickly gathers her clothes, “I must go.”
Oh. Shadowheart doesn’t expect those words to hurt so much, the words she had used herself often before. Her chest aches and she unconsciously rubs the wound on her hand. The curse was gone, but the pain reminds her of the burning it caused her time and time again. Lae’zel doesn’t wait for anything else to be said, she’s gone before Shadowheart can swallow the lump in her throat.
Said we're not lovers (we're not lovers)
'Cause we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all
They argued the next morning and it was almost just like old times, minus the daggers being held to each other’s throats. Shadowheart said things she didn’t mean and Lae’zel sent them right back. They walked in tense silence through the city, the warrior leading the pack while the cleric brought up the rear. Their companions eyed each other with concern but knew better than to ask.
We're not lovers, we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all (anything)
To feel anything at all, to feel anything at all
An explosion sends them all flying and Shadowheart shakes her head, trying to stop the ringing in her ears. She hears her name and feels someone grab her by the arm, helping her to her feet and pulling her along. Her legs can’t move fast enough but she runs, she runs as fast as she can as the floor around them floods with water. She can hear the guards, the fish-like creatures’ snarls and screams as they chase them through the corridor. Running through the water is becoming difficult, her chest heaves for breath and she tells herself, just one more step, keep running, keep going, they’re almost to the ladder, they can escape.
“Karlach!!! GRAB HER.”
Lae’zel’s voice rings out and the half-elf finally realizes just who has been dragging her along this whole time. There’s no time for her to react before she’s being grabbed and thrown as far as the githyanki could manage. She tumbles, almost falls, and when she whirls around to yell at the warrior she’s suddenly being lifted and thrown over a hard shoulder.
“Huh?? Karlach, what are you do-“ Her eyes widen when she realizes. The guards had cast a net and Lae’zel had been caught. Shadowheart squirms and thrashes, but Karlach holds her. Holds her tight and quickly climbs up the ladder.
The last thing she sees is Lae’zel’s golden eyes as they meet her own, they’re wide and filled with fear, and for a second, she thinks that she can read her name on the warrior’s lips. Shadowheart screams for her, screams until her voice is hoarse, screams even when Karlach forces her onto the submarine and they close the hatch, screams until her voice is lost and she is a sobbing mess on the floor.
(You lost it)
(You lost it)
(You lost it)