Chapter Text
Three weeks after finding ring
Astarion was nowhere to be found as Tav searched the nearby woods outside the town of Nashkel. Being a small town, Nashkel didn’t have much to do other than attend the temple of Helm, which Astarion wouldn’t be caught dead in. Well, more dead than he already was. Nashkel had a bandit problem, and once Astarion heard that blood could be spilled, he was already making his way south from the shadow Fell. He was ready to test out his new ring of the sun walker, and a three-week trek across miles of open sky was just what the doctor ordered.
Life had been slow and depressing since the fight to save Baldur’s Gate. Astarion had lost his ability to walk in the sun, and Tav had almost lost him in the process. She spent weeks looking for him in every dark place the city had to offer, sometimes forgoing her own sleep just to continue looking. By the time she found him hiding in the basement of a house that had been destroyed during the battle, she had collapsed from exhaustion. Once she awoke from her body-forced slumber, she feared that she would have to start over, that Astarion would go into hiding again. However, he had stayed, and Tav woke in his lap as he cradled her head in his hands, stroking her hair gently. As tears sprung from her eyes, he could only say how sorry he was for leaving.
“I’m sorry… I just couldn’t face you.” Astarion’s voice was strained as he, too, held back tears of his own. “I can ask you to go from feeling the sun on your skin to only feeling the cold embrace of the night.”
“You’re an idiot; you know that right.” Tav didn’t have the strength to rub the tears from her eyes, so she closed her eyes since seeing at the moment was a little tricky.” I would leave the sun behind and curse everyone to live in the dark if that meant being with you!”
Tav sucked in a sharp intake of air, her lungs burning from the stress of crying so hard. A tear fell from Astarion’s eyes and hit her face. Their tears mixed together in a salty mixture of pain and regret. Neither wanting to let the other go nor wanting to condemn the other to their own fate they had planned.
“I don’t want that for you, my love.” Astarion tried but failed to stop more tears from falling. “You shine too bright to allow the dark to dim you.”
“And so do you!” Tav railed the strength to move to her knees and face Astarion head-on. “After all you’ve been through, I will not allow you to die alone inside in the dark slowly!” Tav took Astarion’s face in her hands. “I will find a way for you to walk in the sun again! To shine as brightly as you do consistently!”
Tav’s hands moved from his face so that one grasped his shirt, and the other unsheathed her blade. His shirt was filthy from weeks of living in filth, only coming out to feed or hoping something would skitter down in the dark with him. She didn’t care how filthy he was. She needed to touch him to let him know that she meant what she said and to make a vow to him then and there.
“What are you doing?” Astarion looked at the blade wearily. “I’m sorry I left, but you don’t need to stab me, darling.”
“It’s not for you!” Tav tore back her own shirt with her fingers as she held onto the knife. “It’s for me.”
She turned the dagger so it touched her skin. The cool metal sent a shiver up her spine. Astarion watched in confusion, waiting to see what you were going to do. Tav didn’t miss the workings of his throat as he swallowed hard and fought the urge to lick his lips. Astarion hadn’t eaten the whole time he had been down in the basement
“Please don’t do what I think you’re going to do.” Astarion’s hands were trembling at his sides. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
It wasn’t a threat but a concern. Astarion’s hunger made him almost feral, and it would be anyone's guess what he would do once the smell of blood was in the air. Already, he was holding back from sinking his teeth in her neck, and she knew it. But she also knew that she would let him almost drink her dry if that meant that he would be adequately fed.
“I vow to you, Astarion Ancunin…” Tav sunk the point of her dagger into her skin, and a trickle of blood sprang free.
“Please…” Astarion fought to get away, his pupils dilating in the dark. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I vow to all the gods and goddesses that there are and ever were!” She slashed a wound across her chest. “I will find a way for you to walk in the sun again! I will find a way to heal what is broken and lift you from the dark.” Tav felt an energy fill her body as she made her vow someone had listened. She just didn’t know who.
Astarion’s composure broke, and he dove on top of Tav, who did nothing to stop him. Her chest lay bare and bleeding in the open air, waiting for him to feed. His tongue dragged across the wound, lapping up every drop of blood that was spilled. She dropped the blade and moved her long, curly hair out of the way and off of her neck. His eyes moved to the exposed flesh, and she tilted her head to give him better access.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice strained as he fought every instinct to clamp down on her neck and feed.
“You could never hurt me.” Tav placed a hand over his heart. “Plus, if you go too far, I’ll kick you in the balls or stab you, your choice.”
“That’s not very nice.” Astarion smiled. “I thought you loved me?”
“I do love you very much, in fact.” Tav gave Astarion a sly grin. “So, how about I just stab you.”
“Deal.” He chuckled.
“Alright now, if you wouldn’t mind.” She turned her head to the side more. “You look like you need a snack desperately, and considering the lay, you just licked my chest like a horny teenage boy that doesn’t know what he’s doing. I know you need to feed.”
“I am nowhere close to a horny teenager.” He crossed his arms. “I ate just the other day, thank you.”
“Really?” Tav bit hard down on her cheek, causing blood to fill her mouth. “Then you wouldn’t mind this, then?”
Astarion’s nostrils flared at the scent of Tav’s blood in the air as it filled her mouth. It took only a moment of hesitation, and Astarion’s lips and tongue was probing her mouth, tasting the blood on her tongue and transferring it to his. He let out a small moan of satisfaction, not of pleasure, as the only thing on his mind at the moment was feeding his need for blood. Tav tried to keep her moan sequestered as this was the first kiss she had shared with Astarion in weeks, and she would have been lying to herself if she didn’t miss the feeling of his lips on hers.
Once the blood stopped flowing from the wound in her mouth, Astarion’s lips and tongue left hers, and Tav fought to keep a whimper from escaping her throat. Instead, she cupped the back of Astarion’s head and pulled him to her exposed neck to feed from a vein that would give him more than an oz or two of blood.
“Please, Astarion.” Her voice was full of a desperate need to give him the strength he needed. “I will stop you when I know it is getting to be too much.”
Astarion’s fangs entered her skin, and Tav felt her lifeblood flow from her to him as he took slow, steady sips from the puncture wounds. She didn’t shutter at the feeling of his lips on her skin; she only felt the need to cry. Thinking about him being alone down in the basement all this time reminded her of what he once told her about being locked in a tomb alone in the dark for a year. Had he been down here thinking he would be doomed to do the same. Alone in darkness for eternity?
Tav tapped Astarion on the shoulder when she felt her head begin to fog, and the room started to spin. With every fragment of will, Astarion stopped his feeding and removed himself from her neck. He took a seat next to her before lying in the dirt at this point, not caring how filthy the floor was since he was already covered in filth. Silence stretched between them as Tav waited for Astarion to speak.
“You don’t have to make promises you can’t keep, darling.” He was almost too quiet to hear, but both had adjusted to the space around them by this point. “Vampires have tried and failed to be able to walk in the sun. I don’t want you to get your hopes up just to fail in the end.”
“Well, I can’t fail,” Tav growled as she began to sit up. “Didn’t you hear me make a promise to all those gods and goddesses?” She moved to stand, turning to smile at him on the ground. “You will walk in the sun again, Astarion. I can promise you that.”
She reached out her hand to help him up, hoping that he would come with her and not hide in this place for a second longer than they needed to. The Elfsong had extended the stay of the heroes of Baldur’s Gate, so that was still home for the meantime. It was just Tav at this point since Gale went back to Waterdeep, Karlach, and Wyll were in Avernus, and Shadowheart was off learning what it meant to be a cleric of Selune. Tav had stayed behind to look for Astarion. To bring him home.
“I guess if anyone can get a vampire to walk in the sun, it would be our fearless leader.” Astarion took her hand, and she pulled him up into a hug.” I don’t know what I did to be blessed to find someone like you.”
“Maybe the gods were just waiting for me to come and save you.” Tav held Astarion tight as she thought about everything he had been through. “I’m only seventy, which is young compared to you.”
“I am an ageless vampire! Forever young.” Astarion sounded mock offended.
“Yeah, just wait till you tell that to my father next time he's in the city on business.” Tav felt Astarion stiffen.
“I think I would rather hide in the shadows than meet your father.” Astarion sounded scared.
“Oh, he’s a big teddy bear, and you don’t have anything to worry about for a while.” Tav pulled away from him and smiled. “Mindflares destroyed his shop.
“Oh, thank the gods.” Astarion let out a long breath.
Tav laughed as she removed herself from him and grabbed his hand, lacing her fingers in with his. “Now! Let’s go home and get you in a bath!”
“That would be fabulous.”
Astarion and Tav walked up the stairs that lead out of the basement and into the collapsing house around them. A few beams were holding it up, and looking at it could send the rest of the building toppling to the ground. The moon above lit the cobblestones as the pair made their way to the Elfsong, and Tav started to plan out where she would start in her search for a way to let Astarion feel the sun on his face once more.
The memory faded at the thought of the two years of constant searching, reading, and traveling that followed until an old tome led to what had been lost all the time. The temple dedicated to Shar in the Shadow Fell did more than cast darkness; it swallowed the light and a temple of the sun god Pelor that held the long-forgotten ring that was currently on Astarion’s left ring finger. She had placed it there as a joke, but he never moved it, stating that he would always be hers for what she had done for him. Tav half hoped he would propose right there on the spot, but as the sun rose a few moments later, the thought was forgotten as Astarion finally could walk in the sun.
“Astarion!” Tav shouted as she walked through the woods. “Where are you!?”
She looked around and listened for any sign of him, but he was still nowhere to be seen. Dread filled her heart as she feared that he had left her. He wouldn’t need her now that he could walk in the sun. Over the last two years, Tav was so absorbed in research and finding any lead, and Astarion was still healing from years of trauma brought on by being a slave mind, body, and soul. The two had barely been intimate. Anything more than a kiss would usually send Astarion into a state of mind that had him realms away—needing Tav’s gentle hand on his cheek to pull him back to her. Maybe she reminded him of his past. She knew too much about him, and he couldn’t be intimate with her without seeing what he once was. She tried not to let thoughts like that creep in, but with every sexual encounter ending with him having to be pulled back to her, it was hard not to see herself as the problem.
“Astarion, please come out!” Her voice was frantic.
“Tav, you’re scaring away all the good game with your yelling.” Astarion pouted as he approached. “What’s wrong? Did more bandits come back after we killed their leader?” A smile pulled at his lips at the thought of being able to spill more blood.
He was covered in the blood of the bandits the two already killed. His drow armor was once bronze and black, now had red added to the color scheme. His silver hair sported streaks of blood, and on every exposed piece of skin, there were tiny spatters of blood. Tav didn’t look much better, but she didn’t look like she took a bath in the blood of her enemies either.
“Oh, you just came out here to hunt?” Tav felt her cheeks turning red. “I’ll let you get back to your uhh lunch.” Tav turned away from Astarion, hoping he didn’t notice the red flush against her pale skin. “I’ll wait for you back at camp.”
Tav went to walk away and was quickly stopped by a hand on her shoulder. Astarion turned her around and noticed at once the blush that creped along her cheeks. Tav looked down at the ground, not wanting to meet his eyes for fear that he would piece out the thought processes that led to the blush in the first place. She knew it was stupid to think he would just run off and leave you for something as stupid as the lack of intimacy. It was just hard not to take some offense.
“I should have told you what I was doing, love.” He brushed a lock of her hair off of her shoulder. “Did you think I ran off and left you?”
Tav’s body tensed and relaxed after a few seconds, but it was long enough that Astarion noticed instantly.
“Oh my gods! You thought I ran off and left you!” Astarion moved his hands to his hips. “How could you even think that?”
“I don’t know!” Tav threw up her arms and walked away from him. “You wandered off without telling me where you were going!” A heat washed over her face. “It’s not like it hasn’t happened before.”
“I’m sorry I was too busy running away from the sun to tell you where I would be!” Astarion fired back.
“You knew where we were staying!” Tav didn’t know why she was picking a fight at this point, but she was already headfirst into the argument, and there was no turning back. “What was stopping you from coming home! Coming to see me!?” Tears started to well up in her eyes, making it hard to see. “Is it because I remind you of everything you’ve lost or who you used to be?”
“What?” Astarion’s voice was at his average volume now. “What do you mean?”
“Forget it.” She threw up her hands and started to walk away. “It’s stupid, I’m stupid. My stupid brain is just cooking up things that aren’t true; just please forget I said anything.”
Astarion followed, grabbing her hand and stopping her. She tried pulling her hand from his, but he held tight. He used his other hand to grab her shoulder, pulling her around to look at him. Tears flowed down her face as the dam broke once she looked at him. Once, she saw the hurt and confusion in his eyes.
“Is this about us not being intimate in a while?” He spoke with a hint of regret in his voice.
“I told you it was stupid.” She covered her face with her hands. “After everything you’ve been through, I’m worried that you’ve run off because looking at me naked causes you too much pain.”
“You know that’s not true.” Astarion sounded like the words slapped him across the face.
“I know they’re not, but it’s hard to feel that way when every time we try and have sex, you vanish mentally.” Tav placed her forehead on his chest. “I’m a horrible person.”
“No, Tav, you’re the most caring and patient person I’ve ever met.” Astarion placed his fingers on her chin and used them to raise her eyes to his. “Two years, four months, and nine days have come and gone since last we had sex, and with everything that has happened, I’ve been leaning too heavily on you and not doing anything to work on getting into a position where I can just have casual sex with the one I love.”
“What do you mean?” Tav rubbed at her eyes.
“I mean that until you put this ring on my finger, I felt like I was trapped right back where I was when I was under Cazador’s thumb.” He held up the ring for added effect. “ I leaned on you all this time, and you never pushed me, never asked for anything in that regard. You were just patient.”
“I’m a horrible person for asking you, of all people, to have sex with me. I just miss…” Tav trailed off.
“To be fair I am pretty good at it.” He smirked. “More than good. I’m great, and it was cruel of me to give you a taste and then deny you another.”
“I don’t want you to have sex with me because I threw a tantrum, and now you feel like you have to.” Tav looked Astarion in the eyes as she spoke. “That would make me sick to my stomach, and I would never ask you to do that, no matter how bad I want to feel you again.”
“Nor would I.” Astarion met her stare. “I should have started living again when I buried that blade in Cazador’s chest. I said I was going to, but now I mean it. There’s nothing stopping me since you have given me back the sun.” He scrunched up his face. “No, you gave me back the ability to walk during the day. You were always my sun.”
“And you were always my stars.”
He kissed Tav gently on the lips. It was filled with promises yet to come, and hopes and dreams left unspoken. The kiss held everything left unsaid and apologized for things done wrong over the last two years—a promise for no more secrets and to have a little more patience. That with time, all things heal, and nothing is broken forever.