Work Text:
Kayn isn’t one to care about other people- he prides himself in that. No one gets close, no one gets hurt- it's simple really.
However, to get people to stay away he must observe them, to know what gets them to leave him alone. an unlucky side effect of that happens to be noticing the little things; a change in someone's appearance or mannerism.
So it's not hard for him to spot the tiny lies Ezreal has built up around him. They follow him like shadows or demons, trust Kayn he knows.
After Heartsteel’s first week of living together, Kayn watches Ezreal's first lie catch fire. They'd just finished dinner- a Korean take-out graciously paid by Yone- and were talking about ideas for their debut single.
Sett loudly boasted that Aphelios already had lyrics for them, the latter sighing softly to pretend he wasn’t turning pink in his cheeks from embarrassment. Ezreal, who had been silently nibbling on some white rice, smiled brightly at the two.
“Wahh i can’t believe you already have lyrics, Aphelios. you really are a genius, huh?”, the words were dripping with his usual pop prince charm but something had felt off. To Kayn at least.
Sett took this as an opportunity to talk about Aphelios youtube channel for the third time that night- an obvious cue to everYone else at the table that this would be the topic for the next thirty minutes.
Kayn watched as Ezreal laughed at one of Sett’s statements, before looking back at his rice and letting the smile drop. His eyes had lost all their sparkle, even if it was only a second.
His mask was slipping, Kayn then realized.
The second time Kayn catches Ezreal slip up is after an extra exhausting session in the studio. They had been recording for hours, testing the waters and seeing what sounded best. Kayn had long claimed his timeout after Rhaast had loudly protested inside his head (“just because we have a deal doesn’t mean you can exhaust me to death”) and thrown a tantrum until Kayn complied. So now he was watching Ezreal go over his lines for the probably thirtieth time today.
The younger was exhausted but he would still smile at everYone who spoke to him, cheering them on and exchanging encouraging words.
When most of the others left, Ezreal had stayed behind claiming he forgot his bag. Kayn decided not to leave either, though he didn’t tell Ezreal that.
He quietly watched as Ezreal went back into the halls to the studio, where slowed down. The then blond came to a full stop in the middle of the hall.
Kayn wondered if he got possessed for a second, maybe Rhaast’s sister came by or something, but before he could ask his demonic ally about the possibility of that happening he heard quiet sobs.
With wide eyes he looked towards Ezreal, who had crouched down, holding his head in his hands. Ezreal was /crying/, broken sobs leaving his lips every now and then.
And for the first time in Kayn’s life he felt helpless. Ezreal and him weren’t close at all, he would probably just make whatever the shorter guy’s going through worse. So, Kayn left.
The third time, it’s the final straw. They had just gotten home from shooting for their music video, everYone clearly exhausted, but Kayn watched as Ezreal silently snuck out the group meeting and towards his room. The only other person who seemed to have noticed their youngest’s disappearance was Yone.
The older man looked towards Kayn, a question hidden behind kind eyes. Kayn scowled, though he didn’t speak up, after all he was not in the mood to argue with the older man.
Quietly he left his members standing there, making his way towards Ezreal's room.
As he was raising his hand to knock on the younger’s door, his ear caught the faint sound of someone crying.
This time he wasn’t going to leave- not when Ezreal clearly hadn’t gotten better on his own.
Kayn took a deep breath, to calm himself, before carefully opening the door.
The room was as dark as night, the only light source coming from the hallway itself. Kayn slowly entered, careful to not startle Ezreal.
“Ezreal..? Hi, uh, it’s me, Kayn. I’m here to-” what is he doing here? He should’ve planned this out more carefully, Kayn belatedly realizes.
“I’m..here to check on you”
He could hear Ezreal's breath hitch as if he was caught doing something he shouldn’t. “‘m fine. go away, please”
Kayn sighed, before getting down on all four to crawl towards the location of his band member’s voice. “look Ez..i- i know we don’t really know each other that well and i know we argue more than we talk but- but but but, I’m genuinely… worried about you. I can see you’re not fine, so please talk to me”
Well that wasn’t what he had planned to say at all. but it seemed to have worked as Ezreal lifted his head, finally looking towards Kayn. His eyes, filled with tears, reflected the light from the hallway. Kayn raised his hand, as non-threateningly as possible, and signaled Ezreal that he was to make the next choice; hug him or avoid the contact.
It didn’t take long for the shorter man to throw himself at Kayn, sobbing into the crook of his neck. Ezreal's cries may have been muffled but Kayn felt his entire body shake with the strength of the younger’s pain, sob after sob wrecking through him like tides crashing into cliffs.
Overwhelmed by the situation, Kayn awkwardly pat Ezreal on his back, all while applying soft pressure. “I’ve got you, ez”
Together they sat in the nearly pitch black room, the sound of silence only broken by Ezreal’s cries. As Ezreal shrunk into himself even more, Kayn remembered something;
when they had gotten their visuals done, Ezreal had visibly relaxed when his hair was being styled.
So, unlike anything he’d ever done, Kayn carefully put one hand on top of Ezreal’s head, where he began to carefully play with Ezreal’s hair strands. He could hear Ezreal’s breath hitch beneath him but he didn’t feel the latter pull away so he took it as a sign to continue, which he cautiously did.
It took a while for Ezreal to fully calm down, but when he did, Kayn felt more at peace than he had in years.
Ezreal awkwardly untangled himself from Kayn, purposefully avoiding eye contact with the taller man, before clearing his throat. The sound made Kayn cringe, his eyes already darting around the room to look for a bottle of water.
“Why”, Ezreal started, “why are /you/ here”
The implication didn’t go unnoticed, though Kayn decided to ignore the jab.
“I was.. worried. I've noticed the way you hide yourself away from us. that veil you cover your feelings with- it’s imperfect.”
At that, Ezreal visibly flinched.
and once again, Kayn noticed it.
“Ezreal, talk to me, yeah? it’s just us here.”
Honestly, for most of his life Kayn had never felt the urge to assist someone. It was always him and rhaast against the world, as long as they had each other nothing mattered.
Now, Kayn felt useless. Ezreal, with a face covered in dried tears and snot, looked at him with so little behind his usual bright eyes that it broke Kayn. Softly, he used his left hand to move Ezreal’s hair from his face.
The younger sniffled, before wiping away the still wet tears caught in his lashes.
Ge cleared his throat once again, this time determined to actually speak his mind.
“What… what do you do, when you don’t know who you are anymore? when no matter your effort, you’re so far behind everyone else? what- Kayn what do i do when I'm drowning? when i can’t get myself out?”, Ezreal choked out, new tears threatening to spill from his nearly golden eyes. “Kayn what was I made for? If not to be that perfect image? I- i don’t know how to feel, what to do anymore, I'm but a hollow husk, there is an empty cage of calcium inside me where something used to be!! I'm so worthless i should just-”
Just before he can finish that awful statement, Kayn hugs him again to interrupt him. The taller of the two applied pressure to Ezreal as if his life depended on it.
“Don’t- don't you ever say that again. what- what do you think that would solve your problems? Pretty popstar prince can do what he wants for once and has an identity crisis? You’re on some joke ting Ezreal, if ya think i’ll let you talk this awfully about a man i see as equal.”
Ezreal's crying stops- just for a second- and he sniffles again. “You see me as equal? but.. you’re KAYN. the man, the myth, the legend.. you’re so talented and- you have everything I want!!”
Kayn scoffed, pointing at his left eye; “yeah i hear some messed up demonic being twenty four seven just so i have the talent to even stand on the same level as you people. Ezreal I beg of you, don’t give up and stop your panicked attempt at keeping yourself above water level. It’s what we’re here for yeah?”
he sighed, carefully letting go of Ezreal. “Look man, I don't need the world to see that I've been the best I can be, but I don't think I could stand here if you guys weren’t there. Heartsteel saved me, in one way or another, and I hope it can be like this for you too. It’s us against the world, remember?”
Ezreal softly nods. His face, while still dirtied by snot and tears, looked calmer now. His aura radiated something new- not despair, not emptiness, but rather a new feeling;
Hope.
Kayn grinned at that, carefully getting up from the mess that Ezreal called his floor. He stretched, quietly grunting while doing so, and looked towards the hallway.
“Ya know, this group appreciates you a lot, Ez. I don't think it would work without you- do not tell anyone i said that.”
And for the first time in what felt like months, Ezreal laughed. Kayn’s eyes widened, a soft blush spreading across his cheeks, as he looked back towards the shorter man.
He heard Rhaast laugh at him in the back of his mind but it didn’t matter- not when he was the one to make Ezreal laugh like that.
Soft giggles, crested eyes and a dimple (A DIMPLE!!! can he get any more perfect-) brightened up the room and Kayn’s mood.
“Thank you, Kayn. I'm sorry you had to be the one to see this, I understand we’re not.. on the best of terms”, Ezreal awkwardly laughed, scratching his nape. “I.. won’t lie and say I'm okay, but I am better. thank you, truly.”
The now green haired man gifted him a genuine smile as he got up from the floor as well.
He grimaced at the feeling of dried tears and snot, looking towards the hallway.
Kayn recognized the look and sighed. “Ya know, I'm sure Aphelios would lend us his bathroom. so you can clean yourself up. if we ask nicely, he might even show us his skincare routine.”
Ezreal nodded at that, gifting him another smile, before grabbing his hand and applying soft pressure. “Let's go then, yeah?”