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All the noise of the dressing room faded. Nothing mattered right now — not the club, not his fucking father, nothing apart from Roy’s arms wrapped around him making him feel safe. He felt heart sick. He wanted to go back to his room and phone mummy, he wanted his worn thread bare teddy buried deep down in his kit bag and most of all he just wanted to curl up and cry. Fucking pathetic right, James Tartt’s voice sneered in a corner of Jamie’s mind, that’s right kid, you’re fucking pathetic.
“Hey none of that now, you’re safe, yeah.” Jamie’s ear tickled where Roy’s beard tickled against it. Jamie focused on Roy’s voice, how had the miserable fuck become his safe space? But he wasnt a miserable fuck was he? Sure, he still scowled and growled but Jamie got to see Roy smile these days and that was fucking the bee’s knees.
He snuffled a little taking shallow breaths against Roy’s shoulder. Roy pulled away and a whimper escaped Jamie’s throat.
“Hey just need to get us out of here, Yeah?”
Jamie nodded, a fuzzy cloud starting to settle over his head. He got like this sometimes, made thinking hard when all he could fixate on was climbing into bed and snuggling with his ted. It made thinking about normal stuff hard. Roy’s rough hand grabbed his.
“Go shower up so we can get the fuck out of here.”
Jamie reluctantly dropped Roys hand nodding his head. “Yeah, um thanks.”
Roy gave him an unreadable look, it was almost fond. “Go on, fuck off into the showers, you stink.”
Jamie chanced a smile looking up through his lashes at Roy “You’re going to be here, right? When I finish?” He hated how needy he sounded.
Roy dipped his head slightly a hint of a smile on his lips “I’ll be here. Now get a move on Tartt.”
Somthing settled in his gut, he wasn’t willing to name it or really acknowledge how much Roy’s simple ascent made him feel.
The showers were thankfully empty. Everyone else must have fucked off while Jamie was having his melt down. Clenching his hand he looked at the slightly reddend knuckles. He’d punched his dad and then he’d broken down like a little baby because Roy fucking Kent showed him an ounce of kindness. Jamie tried to hold onto the anger he had when he belted his shit stain of a father to drive out the cloudy head space that had settled on him while Roy had hugged him, but his anger was slippery. Roy’s stupid face kept showing up in his thoughts. His face wasn’t stupid but it was easier to think that way.
Roy’s still there when Jamie finishes up, leaning back against the locker eyes closed like he meditating or some shit. Jamie lets himself have a minute to just look at him, soft and slightly rumpled eyes closed, face relaxed. Jamie has the unsettling urge to climb into Roy’s lap and ask him to hug him again. But that would be to much, yeah? Instead, he’ll settle for going back to his hotel room and cuddling up with his teddy, maybe watch some cartoons before he falls asleep. Cartoons aren’t going to keep the nightmares away, not after seeing is dad today, but they might make it easier. Fuck. Now he wished he’d packed his colouring books.
Jamie jumps a little when Roy cracks an eye open, expecting a growl or trademark Roy Kent grunt instead he gets a soft looking smile. “You feeling better?”
Jamie nods, words are hard to make right now, he slumps down onto the bench. He needs to put his shoes on, but it seems to much of a bothe.r Should have brough his slides then he wouldnt have to bother with laces. They just seem too much work at the moment.
Roy stands slowly favouring his bad knee. Jamie wants to ask if he’s ok, but he dosent want to break this calm spell that’s between them — that is until Roy kneels down infront of him and Jamie can’t stop the worried whine that breaks out of him. “Your fucking knee.”
“It’s fine.” Jamie just stares when Roy lifts Jamies foot and slides on his trainer tying the laces just like his mummy did when he was a sexy little lad. A gentle tap to his knee and Roy’s doing the same with the other foot.
When he’s done he looks up at Jamie with that same soft smile on his face “ Alright Jamie, lets get you back to the hotel.”
Jamie grins feeling a little floaty “Ya used m’name.” not Tartt, or Muppet or a hundred different names. Just Jamie. That tratorous little flutter in his heart grows a little stronger.
Small divots appear between Roy’s brow and Jamie has to fight the urge to try and touch it “It’s good though, innit?”
“Yeah, it is, come on let’s get outta here.” Roy leans towards Jamie, and for a brief moment it feels like hes going in for a kiss until Jamie realises he’s lent onto the bench to help himself stand. A small secretive smile creases Roy’s face only for a moment as if he knew what Jamie was thinking.
###
The uber ride to the hotel was both the longest and shortest trip in Jamie’s life. With Roy sat in the back with him, Jamie gravitated towards leaning against Roy’s shoulder. The warm fuzzines he’d felt after their hug had grown stronger, as had the constant little voice in his head telling him Roy won’t let his dad hurt him, he’s safe now. The fear that his dad would follow through on his promise was real, and Jamie was too hollowed out, too weak to do anything if he did.
“Unclench your fist, your going to hurt yourself.” Roy’s voice was low enough that the driver didnt notice. Jamie dropped his eyes to look at his hand and he was indeed clenching his fist. Uncurling his fingers he stared at the half moon shaped marks on his palm where his nails dug in until Roys larger palm slid over it.
Roy dipped his head down speaking against Jamie’s ear softly “He’s not going to get to you. Not on my watch.”
“Promise?”
Roy twisted his palm up from where it rested in Jamie’s extending his pinky “Yeah I fucking do.”
Jamie tried to muffle the watery giggle that broke out as he linked his pinky with Roys.
###
Standing at Jamie’s hotel door, he expected Roy to just tell him to get some rest then be on his way, not follow him into his room and tell him to get ready for bed. Jamie debated with himself looking at his bag. He could just chuck on his boxers and tee, but his eyes slid to the pajama pants tucked away carefully in his bag — they’re bright pink with scenes from Frozen all over them. e touches the soft material of the matching t-shirt, humming softly. Fuck it he wants to wear his pjs. He can just laugh it of as one of his Jamie quirks if Roy makes a comment. Jamie’s not stupid he knows people would freak out if they knew about this side of him, his little side. He’d freaked out a bit when he googled the fuck out of it, realising he wasnt alone in his need for having time out of his head being little and not having to worry the fuck about being a grown up. He’d talked to others like himself, online only, of course. The last thing he needed was the trash rags finding something like this about him. His online friends had given him the guts to embrace his little side, which was fucking amazing. He just wished he could have a care taker a...a daddy like some of them did.That was never going to happen, though. It was too risky. But tonight with Roy acting the way he was maybe he could pretend even if it was just inside his head.
Studiously not looking at Roy, he moves to his kit bag. He moves his stuff aside until he finds the faded brown fur and pulls Tedward out. Only once he moved closer to the bed did he dare look at Roy, expecting a frown or a mocking smirk but instead Roy had that same soft smile on his face. Before he can say anything, Roy is in his space smoothing his hands over the pajamas straightening them “Do you need the bathroom or anything before you get into bed.”
Jesus, Roy saying something like that should be embarrassing or weird, but instead his cock gives a slight twitch at the though of Roy taking him to the bathroom. Jamie ducks his head mumbling.
“What was that, Princess?”
Jamie shook his head he could feel the heat of a blush traveling up his neck. ‘Princess.’ Fuck, he was going to swoon in some Jane Austin worthy way if he wasn’t careful. “I’m good D—Roy.” Fuck keep it in your head you dumb twat, don’t ruin this for yourself. Fuck, Roy was going to run a mile.
Roy pressed a hand against Jamie’s back, and he wanted to lean back into that spot of contact so much but instead stood still until Roy pushed him gently towards the bed.
Jamie stood dumbly watching Roy pull back the covers tilting his head when he watched Roy fluff up the pillows before Roy reached out and pulled him towards the bed.
“A bit of TV before you go to sleep?”
Jamie snuggled down under the clean hotel sheets pulling Tedward against him. “Please.”
He watched Roy through lowered lashes as he scrolled through the shows until he found what he was looking for. Jamie’s eyebrows flew up when he saw what he picked.
“Bluey.” He couldnt hide the childish glee in his voice.
It was Roy’s turn to blush. Jamie caught him ducking his head down. “Saw the magnets you had on your fridge, though you must like it. You can watch them till you fall asleep. You were a good boy today, yeah?”
Nodding excitedly, warmth burbling up inside at being called good, Jamie made grabby hands at Roy. A moment of confusion showed in Roy’s face before he smiled and slid into bed alongs side Jamie.
Jamie’s not ashamed of the little squeak he lets out when Roy pulls Jamie against him or the way he kind of sort of nuzzles against Roy’s chest as he starts to stroke Jamie’s hair. Jamie knows this is only for tonight, that tomorrow the real world will come crashing down and they’ll be back to Coach and Tartt. But it dosnt hurt anyone if Jamie imagines if this was real, that Roy would be his daddy.
Pressing is face harder against Roys chest he imagines telling Roy how he feels,’dont go away daddy.’
“I’m not going anywhere Princess.” huh his imagination Roy sounds like real Roy. He snuggles deeper breathing in Roys aftershave imagining what could never be.
He can have this though, just for tonight.