Chapter Text
Scene 1: Outside Granny’s Diner
EMMA: Regina! Regina!
REGINA: Emma, you're inebriated.
EMMA: I am not ah-vee-biated! I'm drunk.
REGINA: (bites inside of cheek to keep from chuckling) Yes. I dare say you are. But WHY are you?
EMMA: I think Hook might have put something in my drink. You know, to mega-fy (hiccups) the power of them.
REGINA: (angry frown) I believe he has. Even drunk you wouldn't be messing up words this badly. Where is that sea-scum?
EMMA: Out cold! I punched him out. I saw you walking by and told Ruby to call one of my deputies to pick him up.
REGINA: I’m sure he’ll try to sweet talk his way back into your good graces. The man is repugnant.
EMMA: Oh it doesn't matter. We're through. Finished. Over.
REGINA: Oh? Well that's...
EMMA: Kaput. Done. Sayonara.
REGINA: I get it, Miss Swan. (witnesses Emma's eyes rake down her body and back up so she inspects her own clothes as well) What?
EMMA: You're hot! (hiccups)
REGINA: (startled) Excuse me?
EMMA: (fans self) It's hot out here. Aren't you hot? You're making me hot.
REGINA: I... (frowns) ... You do mean temperature hot, right? I mean...
EMMA: Yes and no. I mean you're making me really horny, Regina, and I want to (hiccups) off take my clothes because I'm suddenly hot. (begins unbuttoning her thin sweater)
REGINA: (eyes bug out) Emma! You will not “off take” any clothes out here! (looks around) What the hell did that imbecile put in your drink?
EMMA: (throws arms around Regina's waist and hugs her) Truth serum for all I know, because I am feeling very truthful right now. (hiccup) I love you, Regina.
REGINA: (face flushes and a smile forms on her lips) I see.
EMMA: Shhhh! (puts a finger to Regina’s lips and not her own) Do you feel that?
REGINA: (holds Emma’s finger away but embraces Emma back) Feel what?
EMMA: (clings to Regina) The rotation of the Earth.
REGINA: (clears her throat, unlocks their embrace and pulls Emma’s arm around her shoulder) I am not going to hold any of this against you, Emma. You are drunk and possibly drugged. (She holds Emma up as they walk a few steps.) When I get my hands on that foul, despicable, loathsome…
EMMA: Regina... Regina... Hey! You wanna know what rhymes with inebritated...
REGINA: (shakes head and chuckles) I shudder to ask. What?
EMMA: Sex.
REGINA: (stops abruptly, raises an eyebrow and peers into the woman's face and eyes her very close lips, sighs) Damn it.
EMMA: (as they continue walking) Don't you want to have sex with me?
REGINA: (carefully stares at the ground and groans in frustration) We had better get you home and into bed, Emma.
EMMA: Now that is what I am talking about!
REGINA: (shakes her head) To sleep!
EMMA: I disagree. I think you should take me back to your house and put me in your bed.
REGINA: (another frustrated groan, mumbles under her breath) I'm going to KILL that hook-handed moron.
EMMA: Why? He’s in jail.
REGINA: Because he's slipped you something and I am being inadvertently teased!
EMMA: I'm NOT teasing. Take me home and I’ll prove it. I will totally taste your "forbidden fruit". I like fruit. I think I'd really like your fruit, Regina. I've dreamt about it before. Did you know? All warm and juicy and...
REGINA: HOME! I'm taking you to your home.
EMMA: Aww, boo!
(They walk in silence a few steps embracing and swaying.)
EMMA: Hey... Regina?
REGINA: Yes, Emma."
EMMA: Once we get to my place and before you put me to bed. If you want to take all my clothes off, I'm totally down for that.
REGINA: (snorts and shakes her head) Good to know.
EMMA: I've got nice smooth fruit.
REGINA: (frustrated groan, mutters) Cripple him and then kill him.