Chapter Text
Oh, Irene. If you’re out there, please save me. I can’t stand it here.
He just got home from the auditorium. Laurance was never the type to act, but he remembered being good at pretending to be interested in girls in high school. That has to count, right? He doesn’t even know why he agreed to do this. He wasn’t close with Katelyn. He saw how happy his best friend was, and he decided to join. That was a good enough reason, right? Was this a good idea?
Stop asking questions.
Laurance never wanted to go back to high school. Sure, he was popular and had a great group of friends, but pretending to be interested in girls? God, it always left a sour taste in his mouth. He felt like he was lying to them, unknowing that the handsome guy they had been talking to didn’t give a single shit about them.
Good! Not only can he not stop thinking about that dumb kiss, but he also feels guilty for things that happened nine something years ago.
Maybe he should go to therapy. He remembered Cadenza giving him a number to a therapist a couple of months back. No, no, that’s a terrible idea. His problems aren’t even that big! It’s just—
A knock at his door made Laurance jump out of bed, startling him.
“Hey, Laur?” He could hear a deep voice from the other side of the door. Where the hell was Dante? Hell, even Travis could get him out of this situation.
Wait. Trav–
“Yes?” Laurance called out, his voice cracking. He muttered a swear beneath his breath.
“I brought some soup,” Garroth cheered. “I was wondering if—“
“No, I’m fine. Thanks, anyway.”
“Dude,” His voice suddenly grew serious, which freaked Laurance out. He's bound to catch on, there's no way he can avoid this. Laurance can still pretend like everything's fine. “You haven’t left your room we got back from dinner after the play. When was the last time you ate?”
“I’ll eat tomorrow! I’m just so tired, ya know?” Laurance faked a loud yawn. “And I’ve got to rest lots if I want to get better!”
“Have you called into work? Let them know that you’re sick?”
“Yep!” No, I haven’t. Shit. “Already done.” He made a mental note to do that tomorrow morning.
“…I’m going to have a talk with Aph and KC about their stunt today. KC must’ve put something in that potion to make you feel so ill.”
“Yeah, totally,” At this point Laurance was covering his face with his pillow, hoping it was enough to suffocate him.
“Can I come in?”
“No!” Laurance screamed. Suddenly, they both heard a bang hit the ground, which made the two jump. They looked down at the floor and suddenly remembered about the other two roommates living in this house.
“Can you two shut up? Some of us are trying to sleep!”
Travis wasn’t the funnest person to be around when he was exhausted.
“Sorry!” Garroth called out. The two went quiet for a moment, hoping that Travis had finally gone to bed. “So can I—“
Laurance sighed, and moved his pillow out of his face. “Fine, come in. Door’s unlocked.”
Even if it was unlocked, Garroth would probably break it down. The thought of Travis and Dante screaming at him for waking them up, but most of the yelling coming from Laurance himself for breaking down his door, made him fail to suppress a laugh.
“Seems like you’re doing better.” Garroth said, gently opening the creaking door so as to not wake up the others. Laurance glanced at Garroth, and he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. The words died on his tongue.
This sucks.
“Your soup is getting cold,” Garroth said, approaching Laurance and sitting at the edge of his bed. He kept his eyes focused on the ceiling, too afraid to look at the other person in his bedroom. He could practically feel his presence right beside him.
“M’ not hungry right now,” The brunette muttered.
“Okay,” Garroth started, and placed the bowl on his bedside table. “It’s here if you ever decide to feel hungry.”
“I don’t ‘decide’ to feel hungry. If my body is hungry, then it's hungry.”
Garroth stifled a laugh at his friend’s over-explanation. “It’s here if your body decides to feel hungry.”
Laurance finally looked at his friend, mustering up a smile. He met Garroth’s bright blue eyes, and his small smile. He always had a glint of green in his eyes, which Laurance appreciated even more. “Thank you,” he finally mustered up.
“No problem.” Garroth pushed himself farther on the bed. He crossed his legs and leaned back. “So, what’s wrong?”
Laurance’s smile dropped. “Wh—“ he could feel himself getting antsy. Of course Garroth knew something was wrong. They were best friends.
“I have two younger brothers, Laur. I can always tell when something’s wrong.” Garroth frowned and Laurance knew he was completely fucked.
He didn’t want to have this conversation. Not here, not like this. If anything, he was avoiding it— Garroth— as much as he could. It was going to come up later rather than never. They live under the same roof, after all. Laurance couldn’t pretend to be sick forever.
“No-no-nothing’s wrong,” Laurance stammered out. Curse my fucking stutter.
“Right,” Garroth sounded sarcastic, which didn't help the panic bubbling up in Laurance's throat. That anxious feeling was back again, when he was sitting in his dressing room. “And I don’t break down doors.”
Curse this small bedroom. Curse that stupid play. Curse KC for even making that potion to begin with.
“Gar—Garroth. Leave.”
“Wh—“ Garroth turned his head towards Laurance, surprised. “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”
“No, no—“ Fuck. Not here. Not now. “Just-just get out.” He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. His words were caught in his throat. Breathing would choke him.
“Hey, Laurance—“
Laurance quickly sat up in bed and stared Garroth straight in the eyes. Wide, ocean blue eyes stared right back at him. Was there judgement? Laurance couldn't be sure. “Garroth, li-listen—“ There were already tears forming and he was trembling uncontrollably. Stop it. Stop shaking.
“Oh shit,” Garroth said softly. There was some type of realization that washed over him; Garroth knew Laurance, knew what he's gone through before. Freshman year did a lot to the two of them. “Hey, hey.”
Laurance struggled to find the right words. He saw through a cloud of blurry tears, obscuring his vision. He could feel another pair of hands gently take his and squeeze. “Breath, Laurance. Focus on my hand holding yours, okay?” Why does this always happen when he has to think about his feelings?
Laurance shakily nodded. He would have preferred being left alone, but Garroth wouldn’t have left him alone. Especially after what he’s just witnessed.
“Take one breath in and count to four with me,” Garroth said softly, “Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. One, two, three, four…”
Laurance tried to follow his friend’s pace, taking it as slow as he did. It didn’t help that his chest physically ached, and he wanted to sit on his bedroom floor, crawled up in some type of fetal position with no one around. The shame of crying in front of someone was overbearing in of itself. All of this was somehow even worse.
He’s an adult. He should know how to control his panic attacks. But here he was, holding his friend’s hand as he cried, taking deep breaths in and out. Shame.
He was hit in the face with reality when Garroth took his other hand and squeezed, this time a little tighter than before. It took him a moment to breathe at a much slower pace. There were still tears, but at least his chest stopped aching.
“You okay?” Garroth finally asked, breaking the silence.
“I-I think so, I don’t know,” Laurance muttered, refusing to meet Garroth’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Shame, shame, shame.
“It’s okay, there’s no need to apologize.”
“I just had a fucking panic attack in front of you.”
“Yeah, and you had multiple in high school. Guess who helped you? Me!” He sounded so proud of himself, it almost made Laurance laugh. “Zane used to have them all the time. I completely understand.”
“Irene,” Laurance was trying to string a coherent sentence together, but he had no idea what to say. What could he say, after what just happened?
“Listen, Laur,” Garroth said, still holding onto Laurance’s hand. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. Just know that I’m here, okay?”
He hated Garroth for being so understanding. For being so kind to him, even after he freaked out like this.
Laurance wiped his eyes with his sleeve, sighing deeply. “Th-thank you,” he muttered. It had just hit him, how dry his throat was. He hadn’t drank anything since before the play. It seemed Garroth noticed this too. He grabbed the plastic water bottle sitting on his bedside table and handed the bottle to Laurance. The brunette muttered a quick thank you and downed almost the entire bottle, the thought of pausing to catch his breath not even crossing his mind.
“Remember what my mom said about plastic bottles?” Garroth complained, “Plastic bottles are bad for the environment.”
“Do you really think I care about plastic water bottles right now?” Laurance managed to mutter out, a sad smile on his face. “You just overthink.” He held the water bottle in his hand.
“Okay mister 'i had a panic attack in front of the most handsome man ever'. And you get mad at me for overthinking. Panic attacks happen because you overthink,” Garroth joked. Laurance gently elbowed Garroth in the arm.
“Right, right,” His voice was laced with sarcasm, though he was right. Garroth was possibly the prettiest man he’s ever laid his eyes on. He would never admit it to anyone.
He really had it bad, didn’t he? Even after he promised Aphmau nothing had resurfaced. He was a fucking liar. But God, was he also in love with his best friend.
Irene, save him.
It’s blurry. Everything’s blurry from last night.
Laurance woke up to the sun shining through his blinds. It took him a moment to figure out where he was. He could feel something warm under his head, and a hand on his chest. He opened his eyes to see strands of blonde hair, and was met with the sun shining on Garroth’s face, and he was fast asleep. His head was leaned to the side, and he was gently snoring. It surprised him. How the hell was he not snoring? He remembered going borderline insane whenever Garroth slept over at his house in high school.
It then dawned on Laurance that he had fallen asleep in Garroth’s lap last night. He doesn’t remember when it happened, but he doesn’t complain. Garroth had always been a soft giant, after all.
But everything that happened last night made his chest squeeze. He could feel shame crawl up his back. He could feel the phantom of Garroth’s hand taking his, from last night. Somehow, that hand in his own felt so cold.
He looked down on Garroth’s hand resting on his chest, and then looked around at the room. Sunlight flooded in through the blinds, making the room glow a gentle light yellow. He then noticed a slip of paper that wasn’t there last night. He couldn’t see what it said, but it had writing in a dark green crayon. He could only assume it was from one very specific roommate.
Laurance looked at Garroth’s hand on his chest. He needed to check what that letter was about, but he didn’t want to disturb his friend. He looked too peaceful asleep. It would be a crime to wake him. So he gently wrapped his fingers around Garroth’s wrist, and gently tried to pull his hand off. But he wouldn’t budge, and he didn’t want to wake him up.
“Garroth,” Laurance whispered, feeling frustrated already. He gently squeezed Garroth’s wrist. “I have to get up.”
Instead, Garroth just mumbled something and grunted in his sleep. “It’s too early,” He slurred.
“Don’t you have work?” Laurance muttered. This is when he realized that it was probably a good idea to wake Garroth up. He gently let go of Garroth’s wrist. It fell back on his chest, and Laurance instead poked the back of his hand. “Garroth. You have work. Wake up.”
“Wh—” Garroth fixed his neck and slowly opened his eyes. It took him a moment for his eyes to adjust to the bright sunshine pouring in. It took him an even longer moment to realize who had been laying in his lap. He looked down and met Laurance, smiling sheepishly.
“Good morning,” Laurance greeted, just above a whisper.
Garroth opened his mouth to say something, but he trailed off once the events that transpired last night came rushing back. “What time is it?” Was the first thing he decidedly asked.
Laurance raised his head from Garroth’s lap ever so slightly, and looked at the clock that sat atop of his door. “Eight ten?”
“Oh sh—“
Garroth quickly slid out from under Laurance and got up from the bed. “I’m going to be late for work!” He panicked, quickly opening Laurance's bedroom door and running out of the room. He narrowly avoided the piece of paper sitting in front of Laurance's bedroom.
“What the hell are you doing home?” Another voice said from the kitchen. Laurance immediately recognized it as Dante, one of their roommates.
“I slept in!”
Laurance stifled a laugh. He finally got up from the bed, approaching the piece of paper that laid on his bedroom floor. He leaned down and picked it up from a corner.
In dark green crayon writing, it read: HEY! U doing OK? Im worried for u! It had a badly drawn heart, coloured in with the same colour as the writing. Right under the note had a name.
- TRAVIS!
Laurance couldn’t help but smile at the awful handwriting and terrible grammar. Travis always wrote like this. Thank god he didn’t fail English class in high school. He does remember Dante forcing him to read Travis’ essays, since Dante’s older brother never wanted to do it and Dante always struggled with literature. He left his bedroom, quickly running his hands through his hair in an attempt to fix it, and as to not accidentally rip the letter.
“Why was Garroth in your room?”
Laurance looked up at the voice. There, Dante was leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee in his hands. He was wearing a tank top and his hair was a mess, strands sticking out in every direction. Laurance wondered how Dante could possibly go about his day without even fixing his hair.
“Wh— No, he wasn’t,” Laurance lied through white teeth. “What are you talking about? Haha, you’re funny. You’re so funny, Dante. Did Travis spike your coffee or something?” He forced a more than fake smile and leaned against the wall, nearly missing it. He was sweating bullets, and his smile was obviously strained.
Dante stared at him with a deadpan stare, through lidded eyes. “Right. I totally believe that.” He took a sip out of his drink. “And no, Travis didn’t spike my drink. If I wanted to get high, I would steal his edibles.”
“Ha! That’s so— he has edibles? Why the hell didn’t I know this?”
—
“Welcome to my lair, Mister Zvahl.”
Laurance took a couple of steps down the stairs, to the basement. They gave this place to Travis a while ago, especially since the trio couldn’t afford rent. Laurance immediately got hit with the smell of weed and almost gagged.
“Cut the shit, Travis,” Laurance waved the piece of paper around in his hand. “What is this?”
Travis spun around in his swivel chair, legs crossed with his hands in his lap. “Why that is— Oh my god, I forgot I wrote that.”
“Did you… hear anything? From last night?”
It took Travis a moment to think of an answer. “What answer do you want me to give you?”
“The truth, preferably.”
Travis blinked, and then sighed. “The fact that you did not leave your room after the whole play thing happened? Yeah, I would say I was a little worried.” Travis slouched in his swivel chair, using his foot to move himself side to side. “So what’s up?”
Laurance sighed and walked over to a couch, where he fell onto it, face first, and groaned. Obviously he wanted to say something. Travis was the type of guy you would go to if you had any problems, and there was a seventy five percent chance he would be high out of his mind. Thank Irene this was the other twenty five percent. Travis looked at Laurance, waiting for him to respond. He didn’t move.
“If it makes you feel better, I didn’t hear what you guys were talking about last night. Everything was muffled.” Travis filled the silence, after realizing that Laurance wasn’t going to say anything else. “At first I assumed you were getting it on!”
“Travis!” Laurance shrieked, quickly bringing his head up to look at Travis with wide eyes and a red face. “That is not what happened!” He quickly scurried to get up from the couch, sitting up straight and clearly uncomfortable.
“I didn’t say that’s what happened,” Travis defended himself, crossing his arms. “I assumed that was what was going on, but then I heard this child whining—“
“Travis. Stop it.”
“I’m just telling you my series of events.” Travis grinned.
“I’m serious,” Laurance said sternly, “You gave me this note.”
“Okay, fine.” A soft sigh escaped past Travis’ lips. “You do know your room is right above mine? I hear basically everything. You’ve really got to install soundproof walls or something.”
Laurance's eyes somehow got even wider. He could feel his face burn up from pure embarrassment. “You… You can hear everything?”
“Yeah? I thought you knew. Considering you hear basically everything down here. Our vents are connected,” Travis said, almost as if it was the most normal thing he’s ever said in his life. He pointed to the ceiling. Laurance looked up and saw a white vent, a gentle cold breeze coming through.
Laurance wanted to strangle him.
“That’s—“ Laurance thought for a moment. He should probably install soundproof flooring and a cover for his vent. He took a deep breath to prevent him from throwing himself at Travis. “Okay, not the point.” I’ll deal with that later.
“I guess I heard you crying, but Garroth was with you. So I knew you were in good hands. Hence why I sent you that note,” Travis explained, getting up from his swivel chair. “I feel like you should probably… communicate your feelings, maybe? Panic attacks fucking suck, man. If you need to reach out, me and the guys wouldn’t mind. We're here for ya.” He sounded unsure, but he also didn’t want to piss off the already pissed off Laurance in his bedroom.
“Communicate?” Laurance sounded apprehensive. He looked down at his socks and pursed his lips. He seemed almost pained. “But what if my feelings are…” He opened his mouth to say something, but then pressed his lips together. He knew what he wanted to say. He didn’t know how to say it. “…Complicated?” He muttered, hunching over. He just wanted to dig himself into a six feet hole.
“Complicated?” Travis repeated and looked at Laurance, thinking hard. His feelings were complicated? Why were his feelings complicated? What did he do? Wh—
“Holy shit, do you like Garroth?” Laurance looked at Travis, brows raised, and then he buried his hands into his face. He couldn’t bare to be here right now. Through his embarrassment, he can hear Travis shriek, his voice going octaves higher, “Oh my Irene, you do. Holy shit, you do!”
Laurance clasped a hand over Travis’ mouth. “Shut up! Dante’s upstairs, what if he— Ew!” Laurance pulled his hand back from Travis’ mouth and looked at it in horror. “Did you just lick me?“
Travis shrugged and laughed. Laurance pushed his wet palm on Travis’ cheek, causing him to shriek and fall back onto the couch.
“You’re gross!”
“You’re the one who licked me!”
—
“And then you fell asleep—“
“Yes.”
“In his lap?”
“Yes!”
Laurance covered his face with his hands in an attempt to hide his reddening face. He was laying down on Travis’ carpet, Travis still leaned back on the swivel chair as if he owned the place. “It’s stupid. I thought you could help me with… Ya know…”
“Being queer? Because I’m bi?” Travis laughed at his friend’s censorship. “Laurance,” he put on his best ‘soothing’ voice and looked at Laurance as if he was stupid. Which, in court, would hold up.
“You literally kissed him. And slept in his lap. That’s pretty fucking gay.”
Laurance kicked his feet. “That kiss wasn’t even on purpose. And no, it isn’t pretty fucking gay.”
“Laurance, Laurance,” Travis repeated. “Get your head out of your ass and use your brain. Didn’t you like him in high school?”
“Who told you that?”
“Lucky guess?” Travis shrugged. “Either way, you two have history.”
“Lucky guess?” Laurance repeated, and sighed, placing his hand over his head. He groaned in frustration. “Was I that obvious?”
“Yeah,” Travis stretched out the ‘e’. “You kind-a were. Me and Dante saw right through it.”
“To be completely fair, it went away for a couple of years after high school. Ever since the play… I’m going to kill KC.”
Travis snapped his fingers and pointed at Laurance with a grin. Laurance realized: he has never seen Travis not smile, which felt odd. But at the same time, Travis was possibly the dumbest, yet funnest idiot he has ever had the pleasure of meeting. “Don’t worry, Garroth won’t know a thing. He’s probably the most oblivious idiot I know. He’s too stupid for his own good. You could confess your undying feelings to that guy and he would think you’re telling him how good of a friend he is.”
“That’s the thing. How do I know if he likes men?”
“Ask him?” Travis shrugged and Laurance rolled his eyes.
“Irene, no. That’s awkward. And all he did was chase after girls in high school. Not to mention his crush on Aphmau since then. We moved here because of her.”
“…I’m going to pretend like that isn’t incredibly creepy behaviour. Doesn’t she have something going on with Aaron?”
“It isn’t creepy! Garroth’s mom is a real estate agent— or something. She’s best friends with Aph’s mom,” Laurance shakes his head. “Not the point, and yes, she does.”
“I feel like we’re talking about too many things at once,” Travis commented, “So you need to know if Garroth likes men. Well, we know he’s not terrible, because everyone knows I’m bi. Which is good.” He looked at Laurance with a determined look on his face, which somehow pushed Laurance closer to the edge. He was looking down the cliff, certain that he didn’t want to take the plunge, even though he knew he eventually needed to.
“We just need to figure out if he likes men or not. Does he know you like men?” Travis pressed his palms together and motioned his hands towards Laurance.
“Goodness, no.”
“You’ve never like— kissed? Specifically in high school? Doesn’t everyone kiss their best friend at least once? Or twice. Or many, multiple times. Just to practice, so when you get to the girls, you won’t look like an idio.!” Laurance thought he saw Travis’ face blush red for a moment.
“Travis, what are you talking about?” Laurance asked genuinely. “Does this have something to do with Dante?”
“No! No, definitely not,” Travis laughed maniacally for a moment, and then cleared his throat. Laurance looked at him as if he was crazy. He probably was. “Sorry, not the point. I’m just saying, ‘you won’t knock it till you try it.”
“Kissing your best friend?”
“No.” Travis had to mentally stop himself from smacking Laurance on the back of his head. “I mean coming out as queer to your best friend and potential future partner.”
Laurance’s eyes darted around the spinning ceiling fan. It distracted him from the smug grin on Travis’ face, as if he was rubbing it in Laurance’s face. “You’re pushing it. I honestly don’t know, it seems difficult. What if he thinks I’m weird?”
“Laur, listen,. Travis slid off of his swivel chair and sat down on the carpet instead. He crossed his legs, and sighed. “I completely get it. I figured I like men because I had feelings for…” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, trying to muster up the name. “…Dante.”
“I knew it! I fucking knew it.” Laurance grinned widely.
Travis couldn’t fight his smile. “Not the point! That was middle school, and I was confused. I had no one to go to, but Dante, because he was my best and only friend.”
“I’m guessing he took it well?”
“It took so much courage, man. But I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and said it. ‘Dante, I like men as well as women!’. He smiled at me, and told me that it was all okay,” Travis’ voice became soft, timid. He smiled and gently put his hands together, on his lap. Laurance couldn’t help but snicker at his friend’s confession, it almost sounded like he was giving a motivational speech with how he presented himself. Stupid, but Laurance wasn’t going to judge. That was Travis, and he loved his friend for being himself “I cried so much, and he told me that it was okay. Because I’m still me, and if I would rather bone a dude, then so be it!”
“…Some decorum would be nice, Travis.”
“Pfft,” Travis blew raspberries at his friend. “It’s just you and me. Who cares.”
“The fact that you referred to taking an interest in men as ‘boning a dude’? I care.”
Travis laughed. He shook his head. “What I’m trying to say is that Garroth isn’t one of those egotistical assholes that’ll tell you not to crush on him simply ‘cause he’s a man. He’s understanding, and you have taste! When I spoke to Garroth in high school, I would become a blubbery mess, stumbling over my words and choking on air. When I got hit by that volleyball and he came to help me? I literally couldn’t breathe. No wonder he didn’t talk to me. He’s handsome, I get where you’re coming from.”
Laurance hid his reddening face into the sleeve of his hoodie, and sighed. It felt good to actually admit it out loud, but the added embarrassment made him want to shrivel up and die. “Thanks for not judging me, dude.”
“What are bros for?” Travis grinned. “If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me.”
Laurance hummed in response.
“Okay, now to the real question.” Travis’ voice suddenly got serious. Laurance subconsciously held his breath. “Do you want to get high with me?”
Laurance breathed out, “…Okay, Travis. I’m going to go now.”