Work Text:
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
"Please."
"Are you sure?"
You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
"I just need to feel... something again. To stop thinking, just for a while."
A sigh and a nod. "Alright, but if I say we stop, we stop. Ok?"
"Ok"
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
She leads them to the bedroom and sits on the bed while her sadist examines the contents of their toy chest, one usually hidden deep in the closet and away from prying eyes. Away from people that just wouldn't understand why they had such things or why they would be needed.
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Her nerves are on edge, as they always are before they begin. She struggles to keep still, already feeling phantom pains from the times they'd done this before. Blood is roaring in her ears and it's only when she feels a hand on her cheek, tenderly stroking it, that she centres herself in the room again. A tender smile is reflected back at her and she pretends not to notice the cane that had been pulled out.
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out, you'll understand
The bedroom is dark, the only light provided by a dim lamp on the nightstand. She'd never liked being intimate in a bright room; it showed too much of what she wanted to keep concealed as she removed her clothes, discarding them haphazardly on the floor. Warm hands guide her to lay across a lap, balancing her weight across it.
A question, whispered quietly. "Do I need to remind you of the colors?"
She shakes her head and gets an understanding nod.
"Very well. Count."
The hand that had lovingly caressing her cheek came down with force on her rear, the slap echoing in the room.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
"O-One." She gasped, feeling the sting roll through her and making her feel alive for the first time in days.
More slaps hit her, turning the skin a delicate shade of pink as she calls out the numbers from two to eleven. There wasn't a specific total to reach and she shivered at the thought that this was just a warm-up. Her breaths were quick and shallow when the slaps stopped coming, trying to keep her hips from rising up to meet the palm that was delivering exactly what she desperately craved.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
"Color?" Was asked, the same hand that had been inflicting pain on her roamed over her spine, up to her neck and stroked her hair. This wasn't supposed to be tender or affectionate, it was supposed to be just filling a need that she couldn't achieve on her own. Affection was for after, for picking up the broken pieces of herself and putting her back together again.
Anger and agony
Are better than misery
"Green."
"Ready for more?"
Trust me, I've got a plan
When the lights go off, you will understand
"Yes." She nodded. The pain was her drug, what she needed so that she could feel something instead of the never-ending monotony that her life threatened to become.
The only warning she had was the swish of the cane through the air before it cracked against her already tender rear. She yelped in pain and almost managed to sit up before a firm hand held her in place. Settling down again, she took a deep breath and tried to relax, a thin red line had already formed on her ass and she could feel the heat of it. A steady pain that hummed in time with the beat of her heart.
She reached back, not to protect herself, but to take her sadist's free hand and got a gentle squeeze of encouragement. She could do this, it said without words, she was safe and could let go.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Two more hits of the cane left a pair of welts parallel to the first and made her moan. Another three after that brought tears to her eyes.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain
"Nearly there, you're doing so well." The whispered praise showed just how well her sadist knew her, the subtle hint that underneath was the woman that loved her in spite of everything.
Two more hits of the cane, at an angle to the ones before, broke her hold of her emotions and tears fell freely. She sobbed and clutched onto the legs that were holding her up. A moment later, the cane landed on the carpet and she was pulled up to cuddle close against her sadist. The same hands that had been hurting her now held her so gently, soothing her pain as she wept.
"It's alright... let it out."
I know (I know, I know, I know)
I know that you're wounded
You know (You know, you know, you know, you know)
That I'm here to save you
Tears continue to trickle down her cheeks, soaking the tank top below. She doesn't let go as her sobs lessen and she buries her nose in a pale-skinned neck. Kisses lightly pepper her forehead as a thumb wipes away the last few tears.
You know (You know, you know, you know, you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know, I know, I know, I know)
That you'll thank me later
She tilted her head and kissed her girlfriend, moving awkwardly so she could straddle her lap without standing up or letting go. A soft hiss escaped when her rear touched the denim covering her girlfriend's legs and made herself comfortable. Hands carded through her hair, taking the utmost care not to pull; pain was for earlier, for before, and this was now after.
Her girlfriend pulled them both back to lie on the bed, a tender expression gracing her features. A flick of the wrist made her clothes disappear and a thin comforter covered their legs. Neither of them liked being exposed during the after, sharing too many scars and even more unwanted memories despite the darkness that surrounded them.
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
She smiled as a finger traced the scar on her upper lip, teasing it with her tongue brought out a flush to her girlfriend's chest as happier memories of just what she could do with it made themselves known. The hand on her face moved down, tracing a path over her collarbones to her breasts. It detoured to a nipple, standing proud in the warm air under the comforter. Her back arched as it was given the barest squeeze, a test of if it was too much for her to bear.
"Yes?"
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
"Yesss..." She moaned, eyes fluttering. This was a gentle pain, a loving pain, designed to tease and bring her pleasure. To spark against nerves and coil in her belly, not break her down and make her lose the tight control she practised daily. A firmer pinch was the reward for her honesty and she moaned again, the electric shock going straight to her twitching hips.
Lips captured her own as the hand moved lower, lightly running over her ribs before resting on the dip of her waist. She hadn't been eating well of late and could tell her girlfriend was frowning in concern without seeing it. They would talk later, but for now she moved her own hand, pushing her girlfriend's hand down to where she wanted it. Where she now needed it more than anything.
Questing fingers found her weeping slit, found her arousal that leaked onto the bed below and tainted the air with her scent. Pain did this for her. Pain given in just the right way, by someone who cared for her and cherished her. That loved her.
A pleased smile formed against her lips, bright green eyes looking into her own as the hand started to move with purpose. She bucked as the index and middle finger trapped her clit between them, letting out a loud gasp that stopped everything for a moment.
"No?" Her girlfriend's voice was concerned; was that too much, have I gone too far?
She quickly shook her head and pressed her hips against the hand. "Harder, oh please... harder." A heartfelt plea to continue.
Softly at first, the fingers pinched her clit, sending tiny sparks up her spine that grew bigger with each touch. She pulled her girlfriend as close as she could, trapping her hand between them and not leaving any space between them. Her darkly painted nails raked down pale skin to leave red marks like the ones that decorated her ass.
"Please." She chanted, over and over. "Please... more..."
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
Pink lips kissed their way from mouth to the tender skin of her neck, biting down as the fingers on her clit squeezed it harshly. The orgasm that had been building crashed through her in a wave, spreading through her body as she convulsed. For a long moment, she forgot how to breathe, how to think, unable to see the world that frequently was all too cruel.
It took even longer for her to realise that perfect white teeth were still buried in her neck and she whimpered as they finally let go. The marks would linger for days and attract unwelcome curiosity from people that didn't deserve to know the details, but she wouldn't mind. She looked apologetic when she realised her girlfriend's hand was all but crushed between them and she squirmed a little to allow enough space for it to be removed.
Licking the now wet fingers brought out a contented hum from her girlfriend and managed to break through the dazed expression on her face. A slow lazy blink briefly hid her blown pupils as she cuddled closer again, wrapping her arms around delicate muscles.
"Feeling better?" Emma whispered to her, face concerned as it always was when they finished. She traced the thin sheen of sweat that was painted across Regina's brow.
Regina nodded and gave a lethargic "Mh hmm." as she burrowed under Emma's chin. Her body ached, particularly her ass and neck, but she just couldn't bring herself to care. It reminded her that she was alive, that there was at least one person that saw her as more than she was; more than a mom, more than the mayor, more than the Evil Queen.
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain