Chapter Text
Sebastian still remembered the unadulterated agony in Anne’s eyes as she held their uncle in her arms in the dim light of the Catacombs, likely the last that he would ever see of her. His other half was lost to him forever, and it was completely due to his descent into the Dark Arts that they repeatedly warned him about. He had fully believed that he was doing what was best for Anne, and he still held onto the hope that there was a cure to be found somewhere out there.
The only solace he had was that even if his sister no longer wanted anything to do with him, the soon to be Sixth Year can someday learn how to use their Ancient Magic to cleanse Rookwood’s curse from his twin. They had promised Sebastian that they would consider it after finding that last piece of the triptych, after all. A few letters from his friend lay on the dusty wooden desk in the corner, read but unanswered.
He felt guilty that the other deemed it necessary to check on him like this, not when Anne herself was out there somewhere, likely dealing with that debilitating curse herself without any outside help, wasting away slowly in pain. She deserved the student’s attention, not him.
And there was Ominis, his oldest and dearest friend. He was afraid to call their relationship anything more than that; whatever soft tenderness that had been brewing prior to his madness must have surely now been lost forever.
Sebastian had chosen to spend the summer alone in Feldcroft, his uncle’s once cozy little home now barren and empty of the life he had destroyed. He hadn’t invited Ominis to stay with him, knowing that the other probably wanted nothing to do with him after what he had done. He was well aware of the contentious relationship the other had with the Gaunt family, yet he could not bring himself to extend a hand out.
Ominis had warned him again and again to stay away from the Dark Arts, and he had repaid the other by dragging him through one trauma after the next, from forcing him to relive the Cruciatus Curse again to making him choose between turning him in and letting a murderer roam free.
Now that Sebastian had more time to think about it, he wished that Ominis would have followed his morals and gone through with it.
It would have been easier that way.
And thus he spent the rest of his summer in more or less a stupor, and before long, Sebastian suddenly found himself stepping back into Hogwarts as a Sixth Year, his soul as empty as the day he casted the Killing Curse upon his own uncle.
He sat at the end of the table during the Sorting Ceremony, forcing himself to look away when he spotted Ominis wandering down the aisles, wand outstretched. The other was undoubtedly looking for him, and he felt an unwarranted surge of relief when the other finally settled in between the now Sixth Year and Imelda. The student gave him a knowing look from where they sat, but he paid them no mind.
They need not concern themselves with him anymore.
He passed the rest of the banquet almost completely in a trance, the food tasteless in his mouth and claps dull against his eardrums as the faceless new students made their way to each of their respective tables. Sebastian set off towards the dungeons as soon as the ordeal was over, letting muscle memory guide him before he finally reached the barren wall that held the entrance to the Slytherin common room.
“Aspiration,” he muttered, slipping under the snake after the double doors appeared.
Sebastian let out a sigh when he finally reached the dormitory he shared with Ominis and their two roommates. He pulled the curtains shut over his poster bed before rummaging through his trunk for his nightclothes. Sebastian could always feign exhaustion from the travel up from Feldcroft if he really had to, but he’d rather not even interact with the others today if he could.
He was halfway through unbuttoning his robes when a small noise caught his attention. Sebastian whirled around, not remembering hearing the door open, but then he realized the sound came from the floor. He turned his gaze down to see a gray tabby cat staring up at him with bright blue eyes, its head cocked to one side as it studied him. The sight rendered him speechless for a moment; he was certain that the others hadn’t mentioned wanting a cat at all the past five years. There were enough of them roaming about Hogwarts as is.
The creature meowed, and he bent down to take a closer look, wondering if those bright blue orbs could see right through him. Cats were known to have an innate sense of wisdom after all.
“Where did you come from?” he asked as he reached out to pet it, but the cat withdrew from his outstretched hand, the hairs on its back standing up as it slowly backed away. He realized the small creature must still be a kitten judging by its size, but that did not explain its scared demeanor. The cats he knew were usually bold in their desire for affection.
“Lionel, how’d you get out of your carrier?” A soft voice behind him made him jump up and away until he was up against his bed, not expecting the one person he had been avoiding to return so soon from the banquet when the Sixth Year was there to keep him company. Sebastian watched quietly as Ominis bent down and gingerly picked up the kitten, stroking it gently as it buried its tiny face in the folds of his robes.
Sebastian smiled fondly at the sight, forgetting his resolve for a moment before Ominis finally turned his way. He traced the corners of the other’s face, noting that his friend seemed to have lost some weight, cheekbones protruding a little more than he had last seen him. He also noted dark circles under Ominis' eyes, which he hoped was merely due to long hours spent taking care of a relatively young kitten.
Sebastian swallowed thickly, finding it difficult to speak now that they were face to face again. He had left Ominis without a word when the previous school year ended, lugging his trunk into the Floo Flames straight back to Feldcroft. Thinking back, he wondered if he should have at least asked what Ominis wanted to do for the summer, at least offered the other a choice, but it was too late now, just as it was too late with Anne.
He had spent the entire summer thinking of how he could properly apologize for dragging Ominis into this hell he had created for himself, but the words just would not come now, caught in the muck that tainted his every waking moment.
Sebastian shuddered involuntarily.
Ominis had wanted to turn him in. If it weren’t for the Sixth Year, he would be in Azkaban now, where he belonged.
“Excuse me,” Sebastian managed before bolting out of the dormitory, leaving Ominis alone with the kitten. It would be better for the both of them if he just stayed away and out of trouble.
He had caused enough damage as is.
.
Staying away from Ominis and their mutual friend proved to be relatively easy as the school year dragged on. Sebastian went to bed late in the evenings and woke up early in the mornings, slipping in and out of his dormitory like a shadow. The kitten, Lionel, he learned his name from that first time, disliked him immensely, bolting back into Ominis’ bed whenever he appeared, avoiding him as much as he was avoiding its owner. He never really did see the other even during the few times he had to turn in early from actual exhaustion, but the curtains were always drawn shut these days over Ominis’ bed.
Sebastian should be satisfied that the other was staying clear of him, but he did have to admit that it hurt quite a bit. He tried not to tell himself that he wanted Ominis to seek him out when he so adamantly steered clear of the other.
To be fair, he didn’t really spend much time with anyone anymore, burying himself in his studies to use up what was left of his life before one of them finally realized that they should have just gone to Headmaster Black from the very beginning. The knowledge that used to excite him were just words on a page, the spells clockwork muscle memory that he performed just because he needed to for class. He had barely passed his OWLs last year, and he did wonder on occasion if he should even dare think of his future after Hogwarts.
But there was no life for him after next year, even if he did manage to pass his NEWTs.
The more Sebsastian thought about his future, the more he determined that he did not deserve it, not when he had made such a terrible mistake with the Dark Relic. He could still sometimes feel the draw of the Dark Arts sometimes, the faint memory of raw power at his fingertips. It was terrifying, knowing that he had the ability to walk down that path again if he so desired it.
There was no telling what harm he would bring to Ominis or the Sixth Year should he ever lose control like that time in the Catacombs.
So, he continued to study what was deemed proper magic, reasoning that the others would start to notice and go out of their way to help should they observe him failing his classes. If he managed to make it through seventh year like this, then he could disappear once and forever once school ended, he told himself.
The leaves outside turned orange before he knew it, the familiar pumpkin decorations appearing to welcome the fall season. Sebastian thought he was doing quite well at staying out of sight out of mind until the Sixth Year finally cornered him in the courtyard late one afternoon.
A small chill blew through the school grounds, scattering a few of the dried leaves about the stone.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” they accused him, the familiar twinkle in their eyes unchanged from the last time he had seen them.
“No I haven’t,” he lied, pretending to find some interest in the valley below them. “Classes have just been busy, that’s all.”
“We have the same classes, Sebastian,” they deadpanned. “You wouldn’t even look me in the eye when we’re sitting together.”
He chucked weakly, knowing that the charade was over if that was what they wanted. The student could be quite stubborn when the situation called for it. “Why do you keep trying to waste your time on me?”
The Sixth Year shook their head in exasperation. “Look, I’m just as guilty as you for what happened. I caused you to go down that path,” they declared, tapping their chest pointedly. “I even asked you to teach me those spells.”
Sebastian turned to face them, annoyed that they would make such a leap of logic. He knew they were smarter than that. “That’s ridiculous. I was the one who crossed the line, and I take full responsibility. Why won’t you allow me to do even that?”
“Does ‘taking responsibility’ involve ignoring me and Ominis? Have you considered how he might feel?” They cross their arms, frowning. “I for one certainly did not enjoy being ignored.”
“I…” he faltered. The smallest possibility that his self-imposed punishment was affecting the others just as much as it hurt him crossed his mind, yet he couldn’t fathom just why the two of them would even want anything to do with him after the events last year. “He should have turned me in. He knew it was the right thing to do.”
“But he didn’t. He cares for you very much, Sebastian.”
Sebastian meant to refute that statement, but his voice hitched, and he looked away, feeling the lump grow in his throat. He leaned against the stone wall to compose himself, concentrating on the faint breeze that tickled the tip of his nose. The Sixth Year peered over at the school grounds next to him, allowing him this moment of silence as the two of them watched a few students practice on their brooms in the distance.
“I think you should talk to him. I don’t think he’s okay,” they finally said softly.
“Why don’t you talk to him?” he muttered despite himself, letting the pettiness show in his voice in a moment of weakness.
“I’ve already tried, Sebastian. Something’s wrong, and I don’t know what to do.”
That was news to him, and the slight desperation that he picked up in the Sixth Year’s voice was indeed a little concerning. He was so used to them knowing exactly what to do and what to say in any scenario. They had gotten him out of enough sticky situations the past year, not including whatever they had to do to deal with Ranrok and Rookwood.
Sebastian sighed. “I’ll see what I can do,” he lied.
The Sixth Year smiled, and he remembered the camaraderie in their eyes that had drawn him in that very first day they met just a little over a year ago.
.
Despite Sebastian’s decision to continue the status quo even after the heart to heart talk with the Sixth Year, he found his gaze following Ominis more frequently through the hallways now whenever their paths crossed. He drank those precious moments in vehemently like a dying man, searching for any signs of the turmoil his friend had mentioned.
Yet, other than the fact that they had barely spoken since term started, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
He supposed there was the matter of the cat and that Ominis now regularly kept his bed curtains closed in their shared dormitory, but neither of those differences seemed to be a reason to raise any concern. Sebastian did consider just talking to his friend normally on more than one occasion, but the words would catch in his throat each time he tried, and he found himself running away before Ominis could even notice that he had made any attempt at conversation.
It wasn't until one night when he had turned in earlier than usual that a slight sound woke him, and he peeked out to see Ominis slipping outside. Sebastian closed his eyes, telling himself that the other was just probably going to the bathroom, but the minutes ticked by and the other did not return.
He muttered a curse under his breath and slipped out of bed, grabbing his wand off the bedside table and throwing his robe over his nightclothes. Sebastian made his way into the Slytherin Common Room and found it empty as expected, the only movement coming from a few rays of moonlight flickering off the scales of a school of passing fish outside the floor length windows.
Sebastian glanced back in the direction of his dormitory for a moment before he made up his mind and headed out of the common room, casting a Disillusionment Charm on the way out in case he ran into any prefects.
There was only one place Ominis could have gone.
Sebastian swallowed thickly as the Undercroft door clicked opened before him. He had not set foot here since the last school year, its walls bringing too many painful memories of his life before. The final gates slid open, and he stepped inside the room, washing the charm off of him as he pocketed his wand.
He almost missed the figure sitting on the floor against a few boxes, knees drawn up to his chest and face buried in the sleeves of his robes. Sebastian held his breath and approached slowly, afraid to call out to the other now that he was here in the Undercroft. He couldn’t imagine what possessed his friend to come here in the middle of the night like this.
He certainly hoped it wasn’t to despair alone, but that thought alone drove him to action.
“Ominis?” he finally called out softly.
“Are you finally talking to me now?” The words themselves were biting, but he did not miss the way Ominis’ voice shook.
“I…” Sebastian began, but found he could not conjure the words. He sighed in frustration, feeling helpless now that he had mustered up the courage to even approach his friend.
Ominis patted on the ground next to him, still keeping his face hidden the sleeve of his other arm as he motioned for Sebastian to sit. He obliged, settling on the cold stone floor next to his old friend. He studied the pale skin of Ominis’ free hand and nearly stopped breathing when the other laced their fingers together as if they should naturally be there, as if they had never left.
He could scarcely remember the last time the other had initiated such an intimate gesture. It seemed so long ago since Anne had been cursed, since he had started drifting away from his guiding light.
“I don’t deserve you,” he finally said, barely holding the floodgates closed in his chest.
“You don’t,” Ominis replied bluntly and then added in a small voice, “but I don’t want to let you go.”
He breathed in sharply to hold in the tears he refused to let fall. He didn’t need Ominis to feel the need to comfort him too. “You should have just turned me into Azkaban. It would have made everything easier.”
Ominis lifted his head off his knees at those words. Sebastian caught the slight redness around those cloudy blue eyes and wanted nothing more than to soothe them.
“Is that what this was all about? You are angry about that?”
“N-No!” he stuttered, Ominis’ words catching him by surprise. “That’s not what it is at all!”
Ominis sighed, the sudden surge of energy dissipating with it. “It would have been the correct choice, but I am not sure if I would have truly gone through with it even if our friend hadn’t talked to me.” The hand around Sebastian’s tightened. “I would have regretted it every waking moment for the rest of my life had I sent you away.”
“You didn’t though. I’m here,” he stated.
“No you aren’t. You wouldn’t even turn my way these past few months. I know that much, Sebastian. Even Garreth noticed and made a comment about how you’ve been avoiding me.”
“You’ve been talking with Garreth? Wait, you’re on a first name basis with him now?”
His friend frowned. “Don’t ask.”
Sebastian sighed. He knew he was going about this all wrong. “Ominis, I spent the entirety of last year searching for the Dark Arts when you repeatedly warned me to stop. I forced you to open the Scriptorium for us and made you suffer watching the Cruciatus Curse all over again. I…” he stopped, nearly choking on the memories, the injustice he had done to the other. “I just don’t want to drag you down with me any further.”
“That’s for me to decide,” the other scoffed. The grip around his hand tightened before Sebastian could argue, and he let out a deep breath before leaning against the crates in defeat, staring up at the high ceiling and the flickering flames above them that lit the room.
He cares for you very much, Sebastian.
The Sixth Year’s words echoed in his head. Sebastian didn’t dare to hope; the thought itself was too overwhelming at the moment. Ominis’ hand was warm against his, and he felt the slightest tremble as the other held on, as if Sebastian would disappear any moment.
He lightly squeezed Ominis’ hand in what he hoped was reassurance and took a deep breath, drawing some courage from what little he had left.
“I’m sorry for avoiding you. I shouldn’t have assumed that you didn’t want anything to do with me,” he decided to begin with that. “I’m sorry I ignored your warnings last year, and for manipulating you to take us into the Scriptorium. It was…” He paused when he recounted the rush of excitement that came with each new piece of knowledge he learned, the raw power he felt when he unleashed the Dark Relic, the voices telling him he could do anything with the magic he had acquired. He wasn’t here to make excuses though. None of it mattered. He still killed his uncle.
“That’s what Dark Magic does to you,” Ominis said when he couldn’t continue. “I’m not going to say it wasn’t your fault, but in reality it really does warp your perception. It makes you feel like you can do anything, that you are invincible.”
“Y-Yeah,” he managed. Sebastian rubbed at the corners of his eyes, sniffling slightly before he continued, voice still steady enough to speak. “I’ve also been meaning to apologize for leaving without a word, that you had to go back to that blasted house.” He could feel the hand stiffen under his. “I’ve thought all summer about how I should have at least offered, but I didn’t know if you wanted to stay with me after what I’d done.”
He was a little worried when Ominis continued to be silent.
“I should have at least sent you an owl. Was it…” Sebastian trailed off. He didn’t even know how to ask. He knew the experience couldn’t have been pleasant, not with what happened last time Ominis had returned home. If anything, he should be relieved that Ominis seemed to have made it back to Hogwarts in relatively one piece.
A small sniffle answered him, and he wondered if he had said the wrong thing. He scolded himself for not noticing, for always thinking of himself. This entire time he had thought that his actions were only punishing himself when it was always more than that.
“I missed you,” came the reply, trembling and small.
Ominis Gaunt was always more than life itself.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he offered. There was not much else he could give.
Ominis shook his head, wiping at his eyes with a sleeve. “Maybe another day. I’m afraid that I’m already too overwhelmed by the fact that you’ve decided to finally speak to me.”
“Sorry.” For bringing it up. For ignoring you when you needed me the most.
For everything.
“Don’t do it again,” Ominis told him. Sebastian realized that he didn’t know if he had verbalized those thoughts, but it didn’t matter.
“I promise,” he replied.
“I-I can’t go back there,” Ominis quavered. “Not ever.”
It was then that he finally noticed a slight line peeking out from under Ominis’ sleeve: a scar that wasn’t there before. The anger suddenly surged, one that he had not felt since the day his uncle destroyed the relic.
“What did they do to you?”
He hadn’t meant for it to come out the way it did, hadn’t meant for the Dark Magic that had surged through his veins to shudder with hunger. Ominis jolted away from him just as quickly, warm hands leaving his. He can now see his friend’s face clearly now under the fire, tear tracks running down those beautiful milky blue eyes.
“S-Sorry,” he stuttered, not knowing how to explain what had just happened with his magic. It retracted just as quickly as it had appeared, but he can still feel it festering deep under his skin.
Those wide eyes calmed a little, and Ominis frowned, looking almost apologetic. “No, I… I know you are angry on my behalf. Thank you.” Ominis settled back down next to Sebastian without a word, and he missed the warmth that was now just inches away from him, but he dared not reach out. He had no right.
They sat under the fire for a good while until Ominis’ breathing finally calmed. The cold stone floor beneath them had long sent a small pain up Sebastian’s back, and he stretched out to loosen it.
“We should drag a sofa down here for next time.”
“Agreed,” Ominis stood up, heaving a yawn. “Let’s go back. I don’t want to fall asleep in potions tomorrow.”
“I think it’s already too late for that,” Sebastian laughed, feeling lighter than he had in months.