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All summer, he's fine.
In early June, their daughter's preschool has a year-end picnic and he smiles through the entire thing, sipping lemonade and watching Eliana alternate between clumsily kicking a soccer ball and melodramatically saying good-bye to friends like she might never see them again, because they happen to be attending other schools in the fall.
By mid-July, she decides that she's ready for the training wheels to come off her bike, and while Nancy frets at the curb, nervously patting the wad of band-aids in her back pocket, Ace hoots and hollers, letting go of the back of her seat with ease, as if he, like Eliana, has no fear whatsoever.
In August, they spend a week at the beach, and by the last day, Eliana wants to swim without her water wings. He lets her do it for a good five minutes, until the waves start to pick up and it's hard for her to keep her head above water. The whole time, Nancy's holding her breath, her heart pounding in time to the ocean. And the truth is, she envies him, the calm, cool way that he's handling the fact that Eliana is, day by day, inch by inch, growing up.
Like Ace, Nancy is bursting with pride, of course, because, by anyone's account, their daughter has become a lovely little girl, bright and sweet, but she's a bit heartsick as well, like she's lost something precious that she won't ever be able to get back. Ace, on the other hand, seems to take it all in stride, as if he finds nothing but joy in watching Eliana learn to navigate the world just a little bit more each day, in seeing her truly become her own little person. But then, just like that, the air turns cool and suddenly something seems to shift.
They spend Labour Day barbecuing with the Crew, Eliana showing off her newly learned cart-wheeling skills, and it's as if some alarm has gone off inside him. He smiles when she says, "Daddy! Watch!" but it's forced, worried almost. The next day, they take her to buy a backpack, a pencil case with little penguins all over it, and Ace is quiet the whole time, his jaw clenched. He watches Eliana dart down the aisles, her sneakers squeaking on the tiled floor, and it's as if he's wondering exactly how best to go about locking her up in a tower, somewhere that time and the world can't touch her.
It's finally hit him, Nancy thinks. What's happening here. Their baby girl is starting kindergarten in the morning and an entire chapter in their life with her is over. She squeezes his hand in the checkout line, and he shakes his head in disbelief. She knows exactly what he's thinking. Where did all the time go?
When the mattress ripples with the force of his tossing and turning for what feels like the hundredth time in two minutes, Nancy finally opens her eyes. It's barely midnight, but they'd gone to bed fairly early, in preparation for the big day ahead of them. She'd worried that she'd have trouble sleeping herself, but she drifted off almost as soon as they'd fallen into bed. Until Ace started with the rocking and rolling. And if his antsy movements hadn't forced her awake, the loud sighs that followed them certainly would have.
With a groan, she rolls onto her back. "Ace?"
He turns his head, eyes shining in the dark. "Oh," he says, trying to sound casual. "You're awake?"
"Of course, I'm awake. You're shaking the mattress so much that you're making me seasick."
He huffs indignantly. "I don't know what you're talking about. I was just trying to get comfortable."
"Ace, please. I've been sleeping next to you for nearly twelve years now. I know when something's wrong."
He sighs, reaching up to rub at his eyes.
Nancy knows what this is all about, what's troubling him and making sleep impossible to come by. But she also knows that he needs to talk about it, whether he realizes it or not, and maybe, just maybe, she needs to as well.
"I'm thinking that maybe we made a big mistake," Ace confesses. "Maybe it's too soon."
She smiles, reaching out to stroke his arm. "I know how hard this is. I mean, God knows I'm having trouble with it myself, but it's not too soon. It's time. You know that, deep down."
He bites his lip, like he can't quite bring himself to agree, and scoots just a little bit closer to her.
They've been married for seven years now, and they still cling to one another in times of hurt or confusion like they did at the beginning. She thinks about it quite a bit, how their relationship has changed over the years, how they've gone from mere coworkers turned close friends to spouses who bicker about everything from whether it's the right time to refinance the mortgage to how to properly load the dishwasher, partners who love one another in a way that's both anxious and serene. It may not be quite as thrilling as those early days together, but it's still exciting somehow, this ever growing, deepening knowledge of one another, the shared history that pulses between them like a heartbeat.
It's why he can be honest with her about what he's feeling, why she knows exactly what he needs right now when he doesn't even know it himself.
"Let me show you something," Nancy says, pushing herself to the edge of the mattress.
"What? Where are you going?"
She takes his hand and pulls him from the bed. "Just come with me."
Nancy doesn't let go of his hand as they leave their bedroom and walk down the hallway. Ace must know where they're headed, but he doesn't say a word, just strokes his thumb against the inside of her wrist. The door to Eliana’s room is only half-closed, the way it is every night, just in case she might need them. Like her mother, though, she's stubbornly self-sufficient, so it's usually only thunderstorms that send her bounding into their bed. If there's a monster under the bed or a ghost in the closet, her interest is more scientific.
Just as she expected, Eliana is sound asleep in her bed. Her hand is tucked beneath her cheek and her mouth slightly open, her lips puckered in an almost smile.
"Look at her," Nancy whispers, her arm curled around Ace’s waist. "Does that look like a little girl who's worried? Who's not ready to start kindergarten?"
Ace absently rubs circles on her shoulder. "She's still so young, Nancy. She's not even five yet."
"She'll be five in two months. And she's already reading at a first grade level. She's always asking all these questions, like where the sun goes at night and what the centre of the earth is made of?"
He cocks his head, studying Eliana intently as she sleeps. Nancy remembers the day that they found out they were having a girl, how panicked he was, how desperate he was even then to protect her from the world. That need has only grown as the years have passed.
"But that's only part of it," Ace says now. "Of course, she's smart enough and she's been in pre-school for a while, but this is going to be all day and there's going to be homework and peer pressure and it just — she's still our little girl." He shakes his head, like he can't quite figure out what else to say.
In the dim light of the hallway, Nancy gazes up at him, her own heart stuttering painfully in her chest. "I think what we have to understand is that our not being ready for this isn't the same thing as Eliana not being ready," she says. "The fact is, we're never going to be ready for her to grow up, not really, but it's going to happen whether we want it to or not."
He groans, his head thrown back tiredly. "It was just the other day that we were taking parenting classes and fighting over names. How could five years have passed already? How can she be ready to—"
"Shhh," Nancy whispers soothingly, laying a finger against his lips. "There’s nothing to be afraid of. She's not about to steal the car and run off with a biker. We've still got plenty of time."
Ace glares at her, nipping at her finger just a bit. "Don't even joke about that."
She smiles and tugs him back towards their room. "Let's just try to get some sleep. Tomorrow's a big day for all of us."
They curl up together beneath the sheets, Ace’s arm slung around her waist and his face buried in the curve of neck. Nancy closes her eyes, willing herself to relax, and it seems to work somehow, her muscles becoming loose and her head light. It'll be all right, she tells herself. Eliana will be fine and she and Ace will be fine and they'll all adjust eventually and it won't be—
"Maybe it’s just too much pressure when she’s this young,” he whispers.
She opens her tired eyes, turning in his arms to face him. "It's kindergarten. She's not taking the SATs. She's going to be perfecting her cutting-with-safety-scissors skills and learning that water turns to ice when it's cold."
Ace makes a vaguely offended face. "She already knows that."
Nancy laughs, running her fingers through his hair. "I'm just saying that I don't think she's going to crack under that pressure, okay?"
He's still not convinced, she can tell. He sighs heavily and she wonders if he's going to get any sleep tonight at all. She shifts closer to him, rubbing his back in long, slow circles that she knows usually lull him to sleep. It works for her too, and she drifts off just like that, her hand pressed to his warm back.
He drives to the school like a little old lady, slow and deliberate, as if that might delay the inevitable.
When Nancy woke earlier, he was already out of bed and by the time she and Eliana made it downstairs, both dressed for the day ahead, he'd made enough chocolate chip pancakes to feed a football team. She wondered if it was bribery, if he thought that Eliana might decide that she didn't want to go to school if she could stay home with copious amounts of syrupy sweet breakfast foods. He didn't count on Eliana being so excited that she barely ate a single piece, bouncing in her seat and wondering aloud about the first thing they'd do when she got to school.
Ace pouted all through breakfast, like he'd been betrayed somehow.
The kindergarten classroom is bright and airy, with lots of wide open space and an impressive collection of not only educational toys, but books and puzzles and art supplies as well. The parents are encouraged to stay for a while but off to the sides, so the students can at least attempt to get acclimated by themselves. They'd already met Eliana’s teacher, Miss Annette, a couple of weeks earlier at the open house, and she's as polite and friendly as she was then. Eliana seemed to like her quite a bit at their initial meeting, and she chats easily with Miss Annette now, head bent over a piece of construction paper.
Ace is not quite as impressed. From the corner of the room where they stand, he eyes the teacher suspiciously, like he's trying to remember if he saw her on America's Most Wanted or not.
"Seabury Academy has an outstanding reputation," Nancy tells him quietly. "I'm sure they wouldn't have hired Miss Annette if she wasn't well qualified."
Ace looks over at her in surprise, and she wonders if he truly doesn't realize how transparent he is.
He shrugs then, unconvinced. "She went to Penn State," he says. "Got her masters at SUNY Buffalo. But she did take a year off between her sophomore and junior years as an undergrad. Who knows what that was all about." He looks pensive, honestly giving the proposition great thought. "Hard time at the state pen, a long, lost weekend at a crack house, or maybe an extended stint as the main attraction at a Nevada brothel?" he mutters under his breath.
Nancy looks up at him in horror. "You interrogated her about all of that at the open house?" She's not sure how that's possible since she only left him alone for a few minutes while she went to the washroom, but he can be pretty determined when he wants something badly enough. "Ace, why would—"
"Please," he laughs. "Give me a little credit. I do know a little something about subtlety."
She regards him skeptically. "Then how do you know her entire life story?"
Ace shrugs, wearing his most innocent, choir boy expression. "I may have ran a background check on her."
Nancy feels her mouth drop open rather unattractively, but she's powerless to stop it. "You what?"
"I mean, I'm sure the school did one before they hired her, but I figured it was best not to take any chances."
Nancy grabs his arm, pulling him further into the corner of the room. "You seriously ran a background check on Eliana's kindergarten teacher?"
Ace nods, and it occurs to her that he's not exhibiting the slightest bit of shame. She has half an urge to laugh.
"Yeah." He drops his hands to his hips almost defiantly. "So?"
She can only stare at him, not quite sure if she wants to smack him or kiss him. "Are you insane?"
Ace holds his head up proudly, chest puffed out like the proverbial peacock. "Ryan actually praised my initiative."
Nancy sighs in exasperation. "Of course he did."
"Mr. D, too."
She throws her hands up now, laughing. "You dragged my dad into this, too? Seriously? Are there any sane men in this family at all?" she says, shaking her head. "Well, at least I can still count on Thom to be reasonable."
"Uhh, my dad did think it was a little drastic at first," Ace says slowly. "But then he saw a documentary about abusive teachers and he came around to our way of thinking."
Nancy shakes her head again. "Unbelievable. Un-freaking-believable. I'm going to have to stage an intervention for the overprotective, meddling men in this family. This is just—"
"Dr. and Mrs. Hardy?"
They both look up to find Miss Annette smiling at them, Eliana fidgeting at her side. Nancy can't help but smile as she gazes down at her daughter, adorable in her blue sweater and ponytail. She is suddenly overcome by the urge to scoop Eliana up in her arms and never let her go. Perhaps a background check wasn't the worst idea in the world.
"It looks like Eliana’s all settled in," Miss Annette says, patting the little girl on the shoulder. "Would you like to show your parents the sign that you decorated for your seat?"
Eliana nods her head enthusiastically and grabs for Nancy and Ace’s hands, nearly dragging them across the room. Taped to the back of one of the chairs at the centre table is a yellow piece of construction paper that she's written her name on in her sloppy print. She's drawn a picture of a red bicycle in one corner, something that looks like an ice cream cone in another, a pair of ballet slippers in the next, and a brownish blob that's either a dog or a dinosaur in the final corner.
"Miss Annette told me to draw some of my favourite things," she explains. "So everyone can get to know me."
Nancy smiles, smoothing a hand over her daughter's hair. "You did a great job, sweetie." She squeezes her husband's hand. "Didn't she, Ace?"
He nods. "It's great, Elle," he finally manages.
Eliana preens happily, looking back and forth between her parents with a beaming smile. Ace tugs her against him for a moment, holding her tight, and Nancy wonders if he's thinking about making a break for it. The way she's feeling at the moment, she would totally drive the getaway car.
"Okay, well, if it's all right with you, Eliana, I'm sure your parents need to be on their way," Miss Annette says then, the polite voice of reason. "And we're going to have a great time here, right?"
Eliana nods emphatically.
Miss Annette smiles at Nancy and Ace once more. "We finish at two o'clock," she reminds them quietly. "If you want to show up a little earlier, that'd be fine."
Ace nods solemnly, but his attention is focused solely on their daughter. He kneels in front of her, taking both of her hands in his, and the expression on his face nearly breaks Nancy’s heart.
"You're okay, Elle?" he asks gently. "You're sure?"
She nods her head, smiling. "I'm fine, Daddy. Miss Annette says we're going to learn all about frogs today, and I don't know anything about them now."
Ace nods again, slowly pushing himself to his feet.
Nancy takes his hand, even as she bends to press a kiss to Eliana’s forehead. "Have a good day, sweetie," she whispers, and Eliana smiles, her cheeks flushed sweetly.
As they leave the room, neither she nor Ace looks back. There is a part of her that wonders how the other parents are handling the whole thing, and she is tempted to check them out, see if she and Ace have totally gone off the deep end. She resists somehow, entwining her fingers through his and taking slow, deep breaths until they've reached the hallway.
"She's been in preschool for two years now," Nancy says glumly as they head for the parking lot. "It's going to be fine," she continues, not sure who exactly she's trying to soothe right now.
"It's not the same," Ace says immediately. "This is real school, all day. This is the start of everything."
At home, they do little more than mope around.
They have the rest of the week off from work, so she settles down on the couch with a book while Ace flips disinterestedly through the offerings of daytime television. His eyes stray to the clock nearly every five minutes, though if Nancy’s noticing, it's only because hers are as well. She abandons her book after barely twenty minutes because she's not in so much denial that she doesn't realize that she's been reading the same three lines over and over again. She leaves Ace to his reruns of Star Trek and heads into the kitchen, unnecessarily scrubbing the already spotless counters in an effort to keep busy.
At noon, she makes sandwiches and brings one to Ace who's sprawled out across the sofa like an advertisement for clinical depression come to life. An episode of Full House is playing on the TV now, confirming exactly how far gone he is. He lays his head in her lap after they've eaten, and somehow they manage to nap until almost one fifteen, the time that he's designated as not being too early to leave for the school.
Even before she spots them, Eliana’s grinning from ear to ear and it would seem that as crappy as their day has been, hers has been that much fun. She hurries over to them when she does see them, hugging them around their waists and talking a mile a minute.
"I made so many new friends," Eliana says. "There's Josh. He has a whole bunch of coloured pencils. And then there's Maya. She has a big white dog and said that I could come over and play with him sometime. And there's Eric. He's got a pool and wants me to come swimming after school. But Annie's probably my best friend. She has her ears pierced and wears little gold heart earrings. They're so pretty."
Ace forces a tight smile.
Nancy laughs, stroking Eliana’s hair. "Wow, sweetie," she says. "You sure did make a lot of new friends."
Eliana nods. "And that's not even all of them."
She sounds breathless and joyful, and it's impossible not to smile, just looking at her.
"What about Miss Annette?" Ace asks. "Was she nice to you?"
His tone implies that he's hoping for a negative answer, and Nancy has to resist the urge to smack his arm.
"She's super nice. And she's so smart. She knows everything about frogs. First they're just tadpoles. They hatch from eggs that the girl frog lays in the water. But there's got to be a boy frog or they don't become tadpoles. They just stay eggs."
Ace conjures up another stiff smile, but Nancy can see how tightly he's clenching his jaw. She runs a hand over Eliana’s head, grinning enough for both of them. "Wow. You learned all of that today? That's amazing."
Eliana’s nods excitedly. "When do I get to go back?" she asks, looking back at the school eagerly.
"Tomorrow, sweetie. Daddy and I will bring you back tomorrow."
She nods her head, jumping in place just a bit. "I can't wait!"
In the car, Ace is ominously silent. Nancy lays a hand on his thigh, trying to calm him, but he just stares blankly ahead. She wonders if it's possible that kindergarten might kill him.
"Mommy?" Eliana asks suddenly from the back seat. "Daddy?"
Ace perks up, like this is the moment that he's been waiting for, when Eliana admits that she's only been putting on a brave face and she hates school and she hates Miss Annette and she especially hates frogs and would Daddy please, please lock her away in a tower where mean kindergarten teachers who take mysterious sabbaticals from their undergraduate educations can never hurt her.
"Yeah, baby? What is it?"
Eliana smiles. "Can I get my ears pierced?"
They're barely in bed five minutes before he starts tossing and turning.
It's been a rough day for him, for both of them actually, so it's not exactly a surprise. They took Eliana out for dinner in honour of her first day, and all she wanted to talk about was school and Miss Annette and all her wonderful new friends. When it was time for bed, she’d been too excited to fall asleep, so they’d had to read through almost three full stories before she drifted off.
Ace sat through all of it with a gloomy expression that put the little drawings of Eeyore on Eliana’s bedspread to shame. Now he flops onto his back, throws an arm across his face, and heaves out a loud sigh. Nancy turns into him, draping an arm and a leg over his body. He squeezes her thigh absently, sighing again.
“You okay?” she asks gently.
“Just thinking,” he tells her, and his tone is so petulant that he sounds like a little boy.
Nancy rubs her nose back and forth against his chest, scooting even closer. “Do I even have to ask what you’re thinking about?”
He shoots her a sheepish smile and reaches out to stroke her hair. “Probably not.”
“Have you had any epiphanies?”
Ace wets his lip, tilting his head against the pillow like he’s considering the question carefully. “Well, I was thinking that maybe we should consider homeschooling.”
Nancy laughs immediately, without thinking, because he must be joking. There is no alternative. But in the darkness, she’s suddenly aware of him glaring at her and she frowns. “Oh, Ace. Come on. You can’t be serious?”
“Why not?” he demands. “Plenty of kids are homeschooled nowadays. Close to ten million in the United States actually.”
Nancy lifts her head, staring at him in disbelief. “Please, do not tell me that you actually did research on homeschooling.” When he remains stubbornly silent, she sighs. “Ace?”
“I may have googled it.”
She gapes at him, unsure what to say. “I’m going to pretend we didn’t have this conversation because I know we’re both having a really tough time with Eliana going to school, but you have to know—“
“Nancy, she’s in school for one day and already she’s coming home wanting to get her ears pierced, setting up swim dates with strange little boys we don’t know, and rattling off all this stuff about the reproductive habits of frogs. She’s too young for all this. This school, these kids, they’re a bad influence.”
Nancy laughs again, patting his chest consolingly. “Listen to yourself. You sound insane.”
"I'm insane?" Ace repeats indignantly. "I'm insane because I want to protect my little girl? What's so crazy about that? It's just being a good father."
Nancy eases herself over him. He's resistant at first, but he can't keep his arms from winding around her eventually, clutching her to him like he's afraid she might slip away from him, too. She strokes his face, smiling sympathetically. "You can't protect her from growing up, Ace. That's going to happen no matter how much we fight it." She presses her cheek to his and lowers her voice. "Besides, what are you going to do? Quit your job so you can stay home all day and teach Eliana how to add and subtract?"
"I could work part-time."
Nancy shakes her head, huffing out a gentle laugh. "Ace, seriously. Calm down. Today was hard because it was the first day. It'll get easier. And we'll get through it together."
Ace exhales slowly, like he's coming back to himself, and nods absently. She feels him consciously trying to relax his muscles, to will the agitation away. When he eventually falls asleep, he's still holding her, clutching her hand to his chest.
By the next morning, the calm is gone.
Ace has got the steering wheel in a death grip as he drives them away from Seabury Academy. They'd walked Eliana to her classroom just as they had yesterday, but today's trip ended with their daughter running over to Miss Annette like she was her oldest, dearest friend and forgetting their existence entirely. Nancy’s heart clenched just a bit at the scene, no matter how much she tried to tell herself that it was only natural, good even that Eliana was so happy at school. Ace’s expression was a cross between furious and heartbroken, and he didn't say a word until they were safely tucked away in his car.
"Whose bright idea was it to take the week off from work?" he grumbles, fiddling with the radio.
Nancy smiles humourlessly. "I think you had visions of Eliana freaking out and demanding that she be picked up in the middle of the day. So you could ride to the rescue."
"That could still happen," Ace mutters, almost under his breath.
Nancy leans her head back against the seat and stares out the window. She knows what awaits them at home, their big house that seems so empty and quiet without their daughter chattering away inside of it. It's hard enough to think about, let alone deal with in actuality. She watches as they pass by the library and then the new condos on Bayside Street and realizes that they're not headed home at all. She glances over at Ace, whose gaze is fixed firmly on the road ahead of him.
"Where are we going?" she asks.
"Duke’s."
Nancy laughs, though a shot of tequila might actually hit the spot right about now. "He probably isn't even awake yet."
Ace shrugs. "He'll open up for us," he says confidently. "Because I need a damn drink. A good stiff drink."
And he's right - Duke is more than happy to oblige them despite the early hour, even if he's got a nasty case of bedhead and he's still wearing what are probably yesterday's rumpled clothes. They'd become friends while investigating the case of the cursed Ouija board several years ago.
He offers up Mimosas and Bloody Marys when they come through the door, until they make it clear that it's something a little more serious that they've got in mind.
"Okay, now you guys know I'm always happy to see my two favourite customers," Duke says, reaching beneath the bar for shot glasses. "You especially," he adds, winking in Nancy’s direction. "But what the hell's got you guys so desperate you're tossing back tequila shots at the crack of dawn?"
Nancy glances over at Ace, whose head is lowered and fingers are nervously tapping the bar as he waits for Duke to fill their glasses. He is a sad sight and she reaches out to rub his back.
"This is Eliana’s first week of kindergarten."
Duke nods. "But isn't that a happy occasion? Shouldn't we be breaking out the bubbly and bragging about how much the munchkin has grown?"
Ace snorts indelicately, throwing back the shot like it's nothing more than water.
Nancy’s a little more careful with hers, and still she winces as it goes down, liquid heat in her throat. "It's been a little tough on us," she explains. "We're a little—" She gestures aimlessly with her hand, and Duke’s eyes seem to widen with understanding.
"Ah, I get it. Say no more."
He hurries to pour them another round, and Nancy debates whether she should indulge. Given Ace’s mood, she's going to have to drive home and she's not sure if she wants to attempt it with two shots under her belt. She tilts the glass on its edge, watching the amber liquid catch the light.
"Yup," Duke says conversationally. "I bet it's tough, watching the little rugrat sprout wings and fly away from the nest."
Ace glowers at him as he downs his second shot. "It's kindergarten, Duke," he mutters. "She's not headed off to college or something."
Duke laughs. "I know, I know. But this is the start of all of that, right? Today she starts kindergarten, tomorrow she's graduating high school. The years just start ticking on by."
Nancy frowns, suddenly feeling sick, and that gives her all the strength to push her shot glass away. She can't even bring herself to look at Ace. He's already teetering on the edge and she's afraid that Duke may have shoved him over.
"You know what might make you guys feel better?" Duke continues.
Nancy looks up at him, and he grins. "Finally getting to work on baby number two. You'd get to do it all over again."
Ace clenches his jaw, and Nancy figures it's a safe bet that he's thinking about decking Duke on the spot. She manages a tight smile. "That's good advice," she says. "Thanks."
"Hey. Just trying to help out."
He heads off to the other side of the bar, wiping it down with a rag, and Nancy turns on her stool to look at Ace once more. He's got an elbow on the bar, head in hand, and he looks so wistful that she feels her eyes tear up.
"I was remembering the ultrasound," Ace says quietly. "The day we found out we were having a girl."
Nancy smiles, reaching out to rub his arm. "I was thinking about that the other day myself."
"It feels like it was only yesterday. I feel like all of it's gone by just like that." Ace snaps his fingers and then shakes his head sadly.
He makes such a pitiful picture, and Nancy is nearly overcome with the need to take him home and put him to bed. But he reaches for her then, cupping her cheek and pulling her towards him. She stays very still as his breath warms her face.
"You still love me, right?" he whispers.
Her mouth curves in response and she places a hand over his heart, because she's always felt that it's hers to protect. "Always, forever," she tells him. "And so does Eliana. You know that."
Ace breathes out slowly and eventually nods, but he doesn't seem entirely convinced. He moves just an inch forward so he can kiss her. It's a little sloppy and clumsy but he tastes warm and strong, just like the tequila, and her head is swimming so she knows she doesn't even need to take another shot. He drops his head to her shoulder after a moment, sighing against her neck.
"I hate Miss Annette," he mutters irritably.
Nancy smiles sympathetically, stroking his hair. "I know."
He's not even remotely drunk by the time they pick up Eliana.
That's due in large part to the enormous pizza that he devoured on their sofa at lunch and the copious amounts of both coffee and water that Nancy kept shoving at him. Eliana nearly skips down the front steps of the school, her smile so much like Ace’s when he's truly happy that Nancy finds herself rubbing at her suddenly stinging eyes.
"Did you have another good day, sweetie?"
Eliana nods vigorously. She tugs on Ace’s hand and he shoots her a smile of his own. "Know what I learned about frogs today, Daddy?"
"Tell me."
"When they're getting ready to have babies, the boy frog climbs on the girl frog's back and holds on tight to make sure that all the eggs turn into tadpoles. Miss Annette showed us a picture."
Ace pales, and for a moment, Nancy thinks he might honestly get sick all over the cobblestone walkway.
"And a lot of the time, the boy frogs are smaller than the girls," Eliana continues happily. "And a different colour. Isn't that funny?"
He nods his head, but Nancy’s pretty sure that he's not even hearing her anymore. She reaches for Eliana’s hand, leading her towards the car. Somehow Ace manages to hold on to Eliana’s other hand, though it looks more like she's guiding him than the other way around.
"That's very interesting, sweetie," Nancy says gamely. "Very interesting."
"Yep. Because with people, the boys are usually bigger. Like you and Daddy. He's so much bigger than you."
"He definitely is," Nancy agrees, glancing at him quickly. He still looks like he might splatter pizza all over the pavement at any moment.
Eliana tugs on her hand to get her attention. "When you and Daddy made me, did he climb on your back and hold on—"
"Hey, I've got a great idea," Nancy says hurriedly, and she's too much of a coward at the moment to even look Ace’s way. "How about if I make macaroni and cheese tonight?"
Eliana’s eyes light up, like her father, she can often be distracted with the promise of good food. "With all the breadcrumbs like I like?"
"Absolutely."
He doesn't even wait for Nancy to crawl into bed before he goes off.
"Catholic school," he tells her as she's slathering moisturizer over her arms. "I think that's our best option at this point."
She looks at him over her shoulder, frowning. "We're not even Catholic, Ace. Why would you want to send Eliana to one?"
"I've heard those nuns can be really tough," Ace says. "And I'm pretty damn sure that they don't go running around telling five-year-olds all about how frogs hump. They definitely don't show them pictures of it, for fuck's sake."
She laughs quietly, turning around on the mattress to face him. "I don't think nuns really teach that much anymore."
"Really?" he asks, sounding disappointed. "You sure?"
Nancy lays a hand on his knee and frowns. "Okay, you're really starting to scare me now. I know this is difficult. I'm not handling it well myself, but you're going off the deep end."
Ace rearranges the blankets in his lap almost primly. "You know, I don't know how you can be so calm about this," he says. "It doesn't bother you at all that our daughter is coming home talking about frog sex? That doesn't concern you at all?"
He's so serious, so earnest, that Nancy has to bite her lip to keep from laughing again. "Ace, it's just frogs."
"Just frogs?" he repeats incredulously. "Now it's frogs but pretty soon it'll be, I mean, God, Nancy. She was asking you about the sexual positions we like and—"
"Oh, come on." Nancy laughs. "She asked a perfectly normal, natural question that children everywhere ask their parents at one time or another. You want to blame Miss Annette for that?"
Ace nods emphatically. "Damn right I do. She put the idea in Eliana’s head with all this talk of frog sex."
"Seriously. Eliana would have asked about it eventually. If it wasn't the reproductive cycle of the frog that did it, it would have been something she saw on TV or something a friend told her. Hell, she might even overhear one of your particularly dirty lines sometime. Because, you know, you're not whispering them quietly as you think you are most of the time."
Ace narrows his eyes almost viciously. "Okay. Forget it then. Obviously, I'm just a crazy, overprotective father and that's that."
In a huff, he flips out the light on his side of the bed and stretches out beneath the covers. Nancy sighs, guilt lodging itself in her chest like a stone. She turns off her light as well and crawls into bed beside him. His back is a rigid, angry line, and she strokes it gently, trying to soothe him just a bit.
"Hey," she whispers. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't mean to belittle your feelings."
He stays stubbornly silent, but his body relaxes just a bit.
"I think that this is all beside the point anyway," Nancy continues. "Because none of it is what's really bothering you - the frogs and the ear piercing and the little boys with pools. That's not what's really keeping you up at night."
Ace turns then, looking up at her. "Oh, yeah?" he says hoarsely. "Then what is it?"
She reaches out and runs her fingers along his cheek. "You're afraid that she's not going to need you anymore. Need us."
He hesitates for a moment, almost holding his breath. "You're not afraid of that?" he whispers.
Nancy smiles sadly. "I'm terrified," she admits. "But I know that's irrational. I tell myself it's irrational."
It's Ace’s turn to smile now and the sight of it inexplicably brings tears to her eyes. "How very reasonable of you," he says kindly, turning his head to press a kiss against her palm. "But when are feelings ever reasonable or rational?"
She laughs because she's so tired and he's right and nothing else seems to make sense. His hand winds through her hair and he tugs her against him so she can use him as a pillow. They lie together in the dark for a long time, both feeling terrified and irrational and totally unreasonable, until they eventually fall asleep.
They're both cranky as hell the next morning and it seems like it's going to take a ridiculous amount of coffee to shake them out of their funk.
Even Eliana seems to notice, eyeing them with concern as she climbs out of the car. "Are you guys feeling sick?" she asks.
Ace laughs, sounding almost like his usual self. "Oh, no, Elle. We feel just great."
He drives them straight home, and once again, the house seems preternaturally quiet, like it's been abandoned. Ace flops down on the sofa and Nancy sinks into the cushions beside him.
"I can promise you one thing," she says.
He almost smiles. "And what's that?"
"I am always going to need you," she tells him. "I can guarantee that."
Ace flushes, a full blown smile curving his mouth. "Really? Because I've been thinking that Eliana totally gets the whole self-sufficient thing from you."
He's teasing and Nancy welcomes it, particularly the happy, mischievous look in his eyes that's been woefully absent the past few days.
"Well," she says cheekily. "I guess there's a fine line between need and want."
He chuckles, winding an arm around her. "There definitely is."
Ace leans his head against hers and lets out a quiet little sigh and the sense of happiness that floods over her is nearly overwhelming. Nancy realizes then that they're not just irrational and unreasonable. They're damn fools to be wallowing here like their lives are over.
Their daughter is in school. Big deal. She's bright and happy and healthy, probably better than they deserve in every way. They've been married for seven years, been together for nine, and not only do they still love one another like mad, they still actually like one another. She knows plenty of married couples who can't say that. There's no reason for them to feel sorry for themselves. None at all.
Nancy nods her head emphatically at the thought. "Okay, today, there will be no moping around," she declares. "And no boozing it up at Duke’s."
Ace looks at her with curiosity. "Okay..." he says slowly. "So what are we going to do until two o'clock? We've got like four hours to kill."
Wow, she thinks. He must really be out of sorts if he needs an answer to that question. "You know," she begins speculatively. "There have been plenty of times in recent years when we were dying for a few hours alone together."
He looks surprised, torn between keeping up with the pout he's got going on and allowing himself to smile. "Nancy?"
"We could distract each other," she says. "We've always been really good at that, haven't we?"
Ace tilts his head, like he's considering the question, but she doesn't wait for a response. She slides into his lap, straddling him, and then, without really trying, he finds a gap between the buttons of her shirt and he's nuzzling her cleavage like this was all he was after all morning.
"I should warn you," he breathes against her skin. "It's going to take a lot to distract me."
Nancy laughs, clutching him to her as they maneuver on the narrow sofa. In some ways, parenthood has put a cramp in their style, particularly as Eliana’s gotten older. They can't just go at it on the floor in front of the sofa on nights when the effort of making it up to the bed seems a little too much, because she might wake up, wanting water or another blanket or the chance to con them into another bedtime story. This, fooling around on the living room couch in broad daylight, feels almost scandalous and naughty and quite a bit like the people they were when they first started dating.
"At least all this frog talk hasn't dampened your enthusiasm," she teases, her lips pressed to his ear.
Ace throws his head back, groaning. "Please, can we leave the frogs out of this?"
She decides to take mercy on him, mainly because he's had such a rough week but also because she's feeling rather desperate herself. She grinds against his lap, her thighs squeezing his hips. He groans again, but it's a deeper sound this time and he manages to pluck at the buttons that hold her shirt closed. He gasps in surprise when he sees that she's wearing her tiniest, laciest, most gravity defying bra, the one that makes it look like her breasts are being served up on a silver platter.
"You planned this," he accuses, eyes wide.
Nancy tugs his shirt up and off, and bats her eyes innocently. "Excuse me?" she demures. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Ace laughs, tracing a finger along the edge of her bra. "Come on, Nancy. I know this bra. I know that you don't often wear it when you have nothing more planned than lazing around in front of the TV."
She runs her nails across his bare chest, her head tilted thoughtfully. "You are becoming awfully suspicious in your old age."
He narrows his eyes at her, as his hand slips beneath her skirt so he can cop a generous feel of her ass. She squeals in protest, nearly breathless with giggles, as his suspicions are confirmed. Her panties are just as lacy and non-existent as her bra.
"Oh, right," he whispers teasingly, brushing kisses along her neck. "You usually take Eliana to school in a g-string?"
Nancy shrugs, smiling coyly as she begins to work his belt open. "Maybe I just forgot to do the laundry."
Ace lifts a hand to her cheek and his expression is suddenly serious. "You didn't forget anything," he says. "You knew I was upset and you wanted to cheer me up. Isn't that right?"
She offers him a sheepish smile, her cheeks warm. "I'm hoping it'll cheer us both up actually."
Ace nods, gazing at her intently, but then, just like that, he's smirking. "Yeah, well, you know me. I'm a cheerful guy."
Without warning, he's flipped them so she's lying across the sofa beneath him, staring up into his flushed face. He's always touched her like he can't possibly get enough and he almost tears her panties when he pulls them off her. She doesn't waste time trying to get him out of his clothes. She simply pulls his jeans open, tugs his boxer briefs out of the way, and takes him into her hand. He moans into her mouth, kissing her even as she starts to move her hand over him, and in that moment, she couldn't possible feel more needed. She wraps her legs around his hips and he slides home and the groan that rips from her throat almost hurts.
"Fuck," she sighs. "Those damn frogs have nothing on you."
Ace laughs and she feels the vibration all the way through to the centre of her.
"And don't you forget it," he pants.
Nancy pushes her hips up against him, trying to get him to pick up the pace, but he clutches at her thigh, stilling her.
"Slowly," he tells her. "We've got the whole day to distract ourselves."
She laughs softly, but adopts his slow, unhurried pace so they're moving in sync.
It's a while before either of them notices the time.
Apparently, all it takes is some pretty amazing sex to change one's perspective.
By the time they make it to Eliana’s school to pick her up, they've more or less resigned themselves to the current situation.
"Okay, so we've agreed, then?" Nancy says as they wait for Eliana’s class to be dismissed. "We smile and be enthusiastic about whatever she's done today and ask questions and just act like we're fine with everything."
"Right," Ace agrees, but his expressions sours a bit when he spots Miss Annette leading Eliana from the building. "You may just need to remind me a few hundred times."
"Mr. and Mrs. Hardy, it's good to see you again."
Nancy smiles, shooting a nervous glance Ace’s way. He's on his best behaviour, though, his most polite, forced smile on full display. "It's good to see you too, Miss Annette."
"Hey, Elle," Ace says brightly. "Did you have a good day?"
She nods, though her smile seems just a bit faded and immediately reaches for her mother's hand, entwining their fingers together tightly.
"I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to speak to you yesterday afternoon," Miss Annette says. "But the first few days of school are always a little hectic. I just wanted to let you know that Eliana’s been doing great. She listens when she's supposed to and she's very helpful with the other children when they need it. She's a delight. Very thoughtful and independent."
Ace beams down at his daughter proudly. "Well, we've always liked her," he teases.
Miss Annette says her good-byes, off to chat with another set of parents, and Nancy looks down at Eliana, who's yawning and rubbing at her eyes a bit.
"Everything okay, sweetie?" she asks as they head for the car. "You had a good day?"
Eliana nods again. "I did. Today we all got maps and we had to find the street we lived on and draw in our house."
"Wow," Ace says. "That sounds cool."
"Uh-huh."
"You're sure you're okay?" Nancy asks, helping her into the car. "Nothing's wrong?"
"I'm okay," Eliana says. "It's just..." she pauses, then sighs dramatically. "It"s been a long week. That's all."
Ace and Nancy look at one another, trying hard not to laugh.
"It has been," Ace says finally. "That's why it's a good thing it's Friday. You don't have to go to school for two whole days."
Eliana smiles. "Really?"
"Really," Nancy agrees.
When they get home, Eliana wants to ride her bike at the park so Nancy and Ace wind up on a bench, arguing with her about her helmet.
"I'm not gonna fall," she insists. "Why do I have to wear it?"
"We don't want your brain to be damaged because of something as simple as a bike accident," Nancy says. "We're not taking any chances."
Eliana pouts in Ace’s direction, figuring him to be the softie.
"Mommy's right," he tells her. "And you've got too special a brain to even risk it."
She kicks at a patch of grass, grumbling under her breath, but eventually puts the helmet on her head and allows him to tighten the chin strap. He and Nancy lean back, watching as she begins to navigate the bike path.
"You think she's okay?" Ace asks. "She seems..." He shakes his head, trailing off.
"I think maybe it's all just catching up with her. You know, the excitement and stress of the week." Nancy elbows him in the side. "Kind of the way it did with you."
He laughs, grabbing hold of her and tickling her just a bit. "Oh, yeah, like I was the only one freaking out here."
"All I know is, I don't have a personal vendetta against her teacher, okay?"
Ace smiles, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and fixing his gaze on Eliana. For a moment, they both just watch her in silence. Nancy holds her breath as Eliana makes a jerky turn, smiling when she pulls it off without falling.
"She's always going to be my little girl," he says suddenly, his voice low but sure. "Even when she's grown up, with kids of her own. Even when she doesn't need me anymore."
Nancy smiles, stretching up to kiss his jaw. "She'll always need you."
Ace presses a kiss to the top of her head, and they stay like that for a while, just leaning into one another, until Eliana bikes over, her helmet slightly askew.
Nancy smiles at her. "It's nearly dinner time and Daddy promised that he'd barbecue tonight."
Eliana nods her head as Ace stands and swings her up into his arms. She giggles as she flies through the air around him.
"Well, then," he drawls. "I say it's time to go home so I can get grilling."
Eliana claps excitedly. "Cheeseburgers?" she asks. "Will you make cheeseburgers?"
"Whatever you want."
"We had cheeseburgers at lunch today," she informs them. "But they weren't really cheeseburgers. They were made out of turkey meat." Eliana wrinkles her nose, looking at Nancy for sympathy. "You know I don't like burgers that are made out of turkey."
Nancy smiles in understanding. "I do, sweetie."
"But they don't know in the school cafeteria that I don't like them so they didn't make regular ones." Perched in his arms, Eliana pats her father's shoulder. "And they don't know that I like my bun toasted and the cheese melted on the meat,” she continues. They just put it on afterward so it's not melted at all. I don't like it like that."
Ace laughs, hugging her to him. "Nobody does, Elle. Nobody does."
They start to make their way toward home, Eliana nestled in Ace’s arms and Nancy wheeling the bike beside them.
"If the food doesn't get any better," Nancy says. "You can always bring it from home."
Eliana brightens at this. "You'd make it?"
Nancy nods. "Me or Daddy."
Eliana regards Ace dubiously. "Daddy makes good burgers but he doesn't know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the right way so I want you to—"
"Hey, now. Wait a second," Ace objects. "I don't—"
"You're supposed to put the peanut butter on one piece of bread and the jelly on the other and smoosh them together," Eliana declares passionately. "You put the peanut butter and jelly on the same piece and leave the other bread plain. That's not the right way, Daddy."
Ace smiles, shaking his head. "Well, I guess it's a good thing we've got Mommy then," he says, looking over at Nancy knowingly. "We need her to make all of our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."
Eliana nods. "We do. But we need her for a lot of other things, too."
Ace grins. "Yeah, I guess we do," he agrees.
"What about Daddy?" Nancy asks. "Do we need him for anything?"
"For cheeseburgers," Eliana says automatically. "And chocolate chip pancakes." She tilts her head, regarding him intently. "And for getting things off the high shelves in the kitchen and piggy back rides at the beach when the sand is too hot..." she pauses, catching Nancy’s eye. "We need him for a lot too, Mommy."
Nancy smiles up at Ace, rubbing Eliana’s back. "I agree, sweetie. We absolutely need him." Her gaze never leaves his.
That night, they both sleep like babies.