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His dreams always involved mirror, that’s what Reo always noticed. Reo memorized the patterns, not a single one missed by chance. Sometimes, the mirror showed a future, rarely a memory, often a thing that did not even happen.
His first dream, the beginning he really remembered as a child was him sitting on a chair, in front of a big mirror, wearing a suit too big for a six years old boy. His place of sitting was extremely vacant, he realized. There was nothing except the chair and the mirror, and everything was surrounded by white.
He remembered the dream showed him getting up from the chair, and looking at his own reflection in the mirror. Straight purple hair, somehow a bit unbalanced on the front side, and the tiny child wore a beige coat that draped over his own body, like a child forcing to be an adult. Reo did not understand his dream at all, except he noticed that his reflection’s eyes were so hollow, staring at him with tilted head.
Like a doll, too torn out to even light up his own eyes.
Eleven years later, Reo realized it was his own wish mourning to a child he could not be.
.
A soccer ball was crashing his mirror in another dream. Surprisingly, the mirror did not break, and Reo found the ball bouncing back to his feet. This time, the room was not the same, because there were so many mirrors, uncountable, and Reo felt the urge to say there were so much mirrors.
Every mirror gave him his reflection, a sixteen years old boy, wearing the prestigious Hakuho uniform. One Reo held several books, another one brought a basketball, the other one drank a sparkling soda from his champagne glass. He did not like those reflections, to be honest. Somehow, Reo understood, those mirrors echo himself, his perfect self who was able to do anything, to manage everything, to enjoy every face he put out throughout the years of a life under the name Mikage Reo.
Mikage Reo—the divine king of jewelleries, and never Reo—a boy who tried his best in finding the beauty of his own life.
Reo ignored all of those mirrors, walking forward. The way—as magical as a dream could be—opened so wide. There, in the centre of all Reo’s reflection, he found himself, the exact of him, a soccer ball on his feet, and a gesture following his movement all around.
His mouth curved up, turning into a smile, even when Reo did not know the reason why. Like moving around his instinct, something he would never do, Reo launched forward, and he shot his own reflection with the soccer ball he owned. All mirrors crumbled, but the one he kicked stayed tough.
Reo gave Baaya a notebook called “Mikage Reo’s World Cup Victory Plan” the next morning.
.
There was no mirror this time. Instead, he found Nagi Seishirou as a reflection of himself, positioning below his own shadow in his dream.
He looked at his shadow for a long time, not moving, not reacting. He smiled, and he thought about Nagi that he met several months ago.
Nagi was a weird man, he was a very quiet person, an outcast that never meddled with anybody in the school. Heck, he even used stair as a place to hang out, all alone, playing his game. If it wasn’t for Reo to be annoyed with their weak soccer team, then accidentally stumbled upon him and saw his amazing trap skill, Reo would not be so sure about knowing that guy anyway.
Nagi rejected his offer to join the soccer club, of course, but Reo was not the type to back down. More than a day of chasing later, Nagi sighed loudly, then accepted his invitation. Maybe, he was forced and he did not want to argue, but Reo could not care less.
Nagi—is a whiny person, he noticed. Too whiny, even. He always complained, complained, and whined about everything being too troubling and too annoying. He complained about walking, he complained about Reo using his limousine to pick him up, he complained that his feet are hurt even they just started two laps of running.
Strangely enough, he did not mind. He compiled what Nagi wanted, because surely, he needed to do anything to make Nagi stay as close as possible to him, right? Closer and closer, getting to know each other, and without knowing, Reo had become too fond of Nagi’s presence around him. They practiced together, they went home together, occasionally ate lunch together, and even spared a time to walk beside the soccer field near the river.
He added “with Nagi” to his notebook cover two months later after meeting him.
.
Nagi did not choose him.
Reo woke up in a cold sweat, chest felt too muddy and too blue for a dream he was not supposed to remember. He looked everywhere, and it was still the same Blue Lock, a facility he joined several weeks ago to leap a plan of his world cup victory plan.
Nagi—his Nagi, appeared in the mirror, and this time, Reo was not beside him, Reo was not smiling. In the mirror, Nagi did not even look at him, did not see his reflection. Instead, Nagi showed his back, running forward—even too far, the mirror could not see him anymore, and Reo tried to run after him, but what could he do to a reflection inside a mirror?
Reo remembered, yesterday, their team lost to team Z, and Reo could saw how Nagi’s eyes were beaming with light every time he touched the ball. Like, he finally found a reason to enjoy something that he never enjoyed whenever he was with Reo.
Somehow, Reo felt that Nagi was going to leave him.
Reo’s breath ragged, and he forced himself to control his own lungs, because everyone else was sleeping, and damned he would be if someone saw Mikage Reo was sweating so much by a mere dream.
“Reo?” a voice whispered, and Reo felt his heart almost collapsed. He turned his head too fast, finding Nagi looking up at him with his sleepy eyes.
It is him, Nagi is here.
Forcing, answering with a choked voice, with a pair of widening eyes, Reo asked, “Yes, Nagi?”
Nagi stared at him, “Is Reo okay?”
His hands were still trembling, and Reo realized that he was not okay. A dream clearly made him afraid, and he knew nothing about how to soothe himself. Still, he forced a cracked voice,
“I am okay, Nagi. Thank you for asking,” Reo tried to smile, and he patted Nagi’s head. Nagi continued to stare at him, not saying anything Reo saw Nagi rustled up, sitting and nuzzling up to Reo’s stomach.
“Reooo—” he whined, and Reo stroked Nagi’s hair softly. Gradually, several minutes later, Reo’s pounding heart was slowing down, and his ragged breath stopped. His relaxed hands still on the top of Nagi, and he looked at him, already sleeping like a sloth.
Reo chuckled, and he felt Nagi rustled again, “Reoooo—go to sleep,” the older one said. Reo compiled, and he laid his back on the mattress once more, trying to get to sleep. Reo smiled, maybe he was just overthinking it. It was only a dream, everything would be fine.
Everything was not fine.
Tomorrow comes, and Nagi did leave with someone else.
In his dream, the corner of his mirror started to crack.
.
The mirror stayed into his dream the nights after, cracks forming everywhere. Sitting on his chair, he saw the reflection on the mirror. He saw Isagi and the two-toned hair boy—Bachira, was it? They smiled, and clapped each other’s hands, and they laughed and laughed and Reo faintly heard Bachira called Isagi with a loving name of Isagi-cchi. Between faint laugh and jokes, he saw another reflection. There, Kunigami and Chigiri, whom picked him as their teammate because he was special and excellent, stood side by side, widely smiling, understanding each other. They bumped their fist like they were in their own world, like no one else could understand what they were speaking in their own bubbles, and there was Reo behind them, looking far too longing like he was gazing to a memory.
A reminiscence of Reo and Nagi, who thought that their world would only involve their other half. Reo who accepted the promise Nagi made. A promise to become the best together, to always stay together and be strong together. Reo who beamed his brightest smile, and Nagi who looked at him with an unchanging expression. Come to think of it, Nagi was never smiling even with him, was he?
A memory of Reo, who thought their bubble of comfort would not ever pop and fade away. An echo of Nagi, who honestly complained that soccer was boring and tiring. Nagi who did not even want to run, who wanted to live in his own life without being dragged to a place full of hot-headed teenagers fighting each other for a goddamn soccer ball.
Oh—Reo widened his eyes.
Oh, God.
Reo was naïve. Too naïve.
Perhaps because he thought Nagi was his first friend, his first partner, he did not realize it, but he should had known.
Wasn’t he too much?
He barely knew Nagi, then bribed him, an exchange for money, to join Hakuho’s soccer club. Nagi complained, but Reo insisted too much, and Nagi did not have a choice, did he? Yeah, he picked him up, he spoiled him, but that was a mere action so Nagi would obey him, wasn’t it? He ordered Nagi here and there, a stranger suddenly meddled into Nagi’s life and kept Nagi for his own benefits.
Wasn’t he too overbearing?
But, Nagi would not come to Blue Lock if he did not want to, right? He could just leave at the beginning. Surely, Nagi wanted to be with him, didn’t he? Nagi made a promise first after all.
But he left, he left for someone else’s team.
Reo gritted his teeth, and he did know what emotion he was feeling. Maybe anger, maybe a pang of guilt, or maybe sadness, bubbled up at the same time, and he did not even want to remember and experience all of those. They both had moved on with their own new team, and surely, Nagi was now smiling and happy and free because Reo was not there and no one was too overbearing. A picture of Nagi and Isagi smiling enough to make his stomach churn uncomfortably, and he tsked.
”Dammit,”
A mirror in front of him looked too real to be in a dream, and there his face was, exhausted, under eyes darkening, cheek bones showing too far concerning. His face looked miserable, yes, and he could not help those thoughts to stop penetrating his own mind. Water falling to his face, and Reo tried to hold his tears, “I hate myself right now,”
Under his buzzed hearing, he heard people talking near his place sitting, and he recognized the voice of Kunigami. There is one more person, but he did not know who.
Barou? No, Barou’s voice is much deeper.
He turned his head—and it’s Isagi Yoichi.
Isagi—whom Nagi left him for, whom Nagi chose over him, and before even processing the face of the former team Z member, he heard someone scream, and someone’s dragging voice whining.
Reo knew those voices far too well. He saw them, he heard them, there was Barou, he recognized.
He heard him. He knew Nagi.
A beat of ‘thumps’ kept coming, and Reo knew it was his own heart pounding for no reason. Beside Nagi, Barou’s here, too. That meant Barou passed the first selection even after losing to Nagi and him.
If Barou’s here, Reo’s mind calculated, it meant that Nagi and Isagi had teamed up with Barou. Once more, Reo could challenge him, Reo could face them all, and he wanted to win from Nagi, to steal his pride, to remorse the flaws he had of too believing in a promise made only from a mouth.
His face still looked like shit, but he did not care. Slowly, in silence, Reo went near to the large bath, listening to every conversation they were having. To a declare of fighting, Reo chimed in,
“We will play against you guys, obviously. That’s the sole reason I teamed up with these two.”
Reo saw Nagi. Nagi, turned his head so fast. Nagi, with light shone in his eyes, like Reo’s miserable expression was the one he waited for the most.
“Reo!”
What’s with that light-hearted call? Why are you calling me so casually? Didn’t you dump me that time? Didn’t you leave me all alone, afraid of my own possibility, my own ideas?
Why did you call me like I am your light when I am not?
Reo saw Nagi approached him, and he didn’t know how to react. He didn’t know how to face Nagi. He didn’t know what to speak, and subtly, his body wanted to move away, to run away, and Nagi spoke, reaching his hand to grab Reo’s shoulder,
“Long time no see, Reo! You see, there are many things I wanted to tell you, so you—”
His voice was too full of joy, and Reo was sure he could melt right away and looked Nagi in the eyes and gave in and listened to all of Nagi’s stories. But, no, no, Reo knew his place already. He was Nagi’s first friend, Nagi’s first partner, but he did nothing enough to make him stay. There was no reason for Nagi to look at him like they were still the same like they used to. Nagi should have moved on by now. They were no pairs anymore. Because, they were not enough.
Or, probably, it is Reo who was just not enough.
Slapping Nagi’s hand away, Reo hardened his expression, one lesson taught by his father crawling up in his messed-up mind.
Stay calm, put the façade, do not show that you are vulnerable. A lion roars and never squeaks.
With a hoarse voice, Reo looked up to Nagi. This time, he did not show Reo, only Mikage Reo,
“We’re now rivals, Nagi. You did not choose me.”
A shocked expression from Nagi, and Reo’s heart felt like everything was over. The mirror was crumbling to pieces, and Reo woke up with tears on his eyes.