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Lucius can't get the taste of salt out of his mouth.
Every night for weeks, he's had the same dream, and he's choking, dying, inhaling salt water so dark, it's almost black. And when he struggles to consciousness, his cheeks are always wet with tears, salt tracks into his hair, his pillow, and his mouth.
He should be over it by now. He didn't drown. But he thought he was going to, and in his dreams, the despair chokes him more than the water.
He can't tell Pete, but he knows his love is watching him, worried and afraid. When they make love, it's frantic, and often one or both of them cry. Fang can't even do that much, only hold him tight. Lucius never thought he would get bored of being cuddled by the bear, and yet.
Izzy is the only one who isn't weird around him. They squabble nearly as much as they used to, and Izzy looks relieved for it. The Kraken took Izzy's toe the same night he tried to murder Lucius, and they understand each other. They've been maimed by something that no longer exists, and there's no revenge that will fix either of them.
And Lucius starts to get a taste for salt, starts to crave it.
It doesn't happen overnight. His dreams are nightmares, horrifying and despairing and lonely. But as his brain comes to terms with the fact of his continued survival, Lucius remembers the stars through the water, the muted lights of the ship at rest, and they become beautiful. The silence of the water, the peace of dying. On a ship filled with noise and bustle, where Lucius can't escape either from people who pity him or people who wouldn't care enough to even be sad, he thinks of the silence of black water.
It takes weeks for him to realize he can have the silence again. The days stretch away from him, and he is hard to reach. His sketchbook fills with studies of himself, hair fanning around his face, eyes open and eyes closed, water in his eyes, his nose, his mouth. He doesn't want to die.
But he wants to drown again.
Pete finds the pages by accident, and cries. Fang, so easy to upset these days, holds Pete and cries with him. Lucius feels like a monster, feels far away from pain, the grief quiet through the water in his ears. He can't ask them to help him. He leaves and haunts the ship, living in the shadows until he hears the uneven gait of Izzy and his cane.
Lucius steps out of the shadows and Izzy isn't even surprised. He just nods. "Spriggs."
Lucius falls in beside him, silent. Izzy quirks an eyebrow but says nothing until they arrive at Izzy's room. The first mate stares at the scribe, who says nothing. Izzy sighs, and invites him in without a word.
Lucius stands in the corner and says nothing. Izzy sits on the edge of his own bed and watches the younger man until he understands.
"You miss the silence," he says, and it's not a question.
Lucius starts, like he forgot where he was, and his eyes are huge and round. It's been so long since he felt like anyone understood him.
Izzy sighs. "You aren't the first person I've known who survived the deep. Some get scared of the water, and we have to leave them at the next port. But some begin to… crave."
Lucius feels his eyes fill with tears. He does nothing to stop them from flowing, and his tongue tastes the salt and he feels calm again. "I want to feel that way again, Izzy," he whispers.
A strange look passes over Izzy's face, pain, and then it's gone. "But you don't want to die?" And this time, it is a question.
Lucius shakes his head.
Izzy reaches a gloved finger out to Lucius' face, and dips it into the tears. He brings his hand back slowly, and they can't look away from each other as he draws his finger tip over his tongue to taste the sea. His eyes flutter and he sighs.
"Fang cried in the night," Izzy seems to tell himself. "He missed you."
Lucius' heart gives a hard thump. "They both cry now. I can't get them to stop."
Izzy nods. "They can't help you."
Lucius says nothing.
"I can help you," Izzy says quietly.
Lucius curls up on Izzy's bed and falls asleep in minutes, his face soft with relief.
Lucius doesn't ask about the tub or the candles burning or the flower petals floating on the tepid, salty water. He looks down at his clothes in surprise, and then takes them off and climbs into the tub. Izzy has rolled up his sleeves, and isn't wearing leather at all.
When Lucius nods at him, Izzy helps him lay back in the water until he's covered all but his face.
"Squeeze my hand when you want to come out," Izzy tells him, and then Lucius lets his face fall below the waves.
The water is silent, and he blesses it. He opens his mouth, and salt rushes in as bubbles rush out. He cannot inhale. He can only let go.
He sees Izzy's face through brine, muted and far away. The candlelight becomes the stars, and Lucius floats. He feels a hand on his chest, pushing him down, and he lets himself be pushed. Down he goes, until the darkness closes over him. This isn't frightening, he realizes. It's peaceful, and he does not squeeze Izzy's hand.
He's on the hard, tiled floor of the end suite and his lungs burn. He knows he needs to breathe, but he can't, and besides, someone is doing it for him.
A hot mouth on his, strong hands on his chest, and together they push the water out and the air in, and it burns.
Lucius rolls to his side, coughing foamy sea water out of his body, and he hears Izzy mutter, "Oh, thank fuck."
When he finishes coughing, Lucius stares at the ceiling, deep in a place of peace that he can't leave. Izzy's face crowds his view, and the pirate is crying. Fat tears roll down his gaunt cheeks, and Lucius delights when they hit his face and his tongue can snake out to catch the precious salt.
Izzy keeps pressing on his chest in the same rhythm Fang had used when he had rescued Lucius from the Kraken, and his lips meet Lucius' again. Lucius licks him, tastes salt, and sits up to chase the flavor.
Izzy lets him drive his tongue into the first mate's mouth, and then four hands are pulling at Izzy's clothes until he is bare and they can press wet skin together.
Lucius delights in the salt of Izzy's tears, in the sweat on his neck, in the brine on his arms. He doesn't stop chasing the salt until his mouth is on Izzy's cock, and he laps at the salt there, wanting all of it for himself.
Izzy groans, his fingers deep in Lucius' grown out hair, and he fucks his face for a moment before pulling his dick away with a gasp. "Wait, Lucius-"
The scribe has started to cry, and can't understand why. He's happy. He's floating, he feels so good. He can't explain all he's feeling to Izzy, and he cries harder.
The older man holds him until he can breathe without sobs. He brushes Lu's hair back from his face where it's plastered by the sea water. "How do you feel?"
"Peaceful," he sighs. "And-" Lucius stops himself before he tells Izzy that he's in love with him. "Happy. Good," he says instead.
Izzy's body shudders and relaxes. "Good."
Lu looks at him through thick lashes that twinkle with salt crystals and drops of water. "Will you fuck me, now?"
Izzy kisses him, lays him back on the tiles. "No."
Kisses down his body, takes Lucius' hard prick into his mouth.
Eyes closed, Lu asks, "Now?"
He feels slick fingers between his legs, and doesn't open his eyes to find out where Izzy found the oil. Hot breath along his neck and a whisper in his ear that makes him shiver. "No."
Fingers inside him slicking the way before they disappear. "Now?"
The blunt head of a cock at his entrance, and "No."
It is only when they are rocking together like the waves of the sea, fused in the places that bring them the most pleasure, that Lucius understands Izzy isn't fucking him. Izzy is loving him.