Work Text:
Gifted he had been called. Cal wasn’t so sure. A side effect of his psychometry was this white noise that reverberated through his head. To control this he had learned the art of shielding his mind from the outside world, but that took a tremendous and continuous effort. After a fight or whenever he was particularly exhausted the world intruded in and the constant din returned.
Cere had tried to help him, she taught him various meditation techniques, but given that she had cut herself off from the force she was unable to do more than speak through the various methods. Additionally, she didn’t share Cal’s ability so she was limited in what she could teach beyond general advice.
Thus Cal Kestis found himself at the end of another fight for his life, out of gas and somehow victorious, on Dathomir. Merrin, the Nightsister’s, display of anger towards Malicos had been unsettling, but he had picked up the twinge of sadness that only a survivor carried with them when she tossed back his lightsaber. He made a note to try to not hack up any more of her sisters lest she decide to pot him next to the fallen Jedi.
He was so preoccupied with that thought that he hadn’t realized he had reached the astrium. His head was throbbing and he realized he was probably babbling as he explained, or tried to explain, to Martin what the bauble meant. Then it happened.
He made to place it in her hand so that she could see that he wasn’t just a crazy loon who had dropped (several times) from the sky and violated a temple on her world, when their hands touched…
Suddenly the noise stopped. For the first time in Cal Kestis’ life the world was silent. Though she didn’t address it he thought he detected a quirk at the witch’s lips… she’d felt it too.
Merrin blinked, Cal’s speech had faltered when their hands had touched . She wasn’t connected to the force in the same way as the puzzling (but admittedly attractive) Jedi in front of her, but she felt something when he had placed the artifact in her hand. She couldn’t put it into words but his presence in front of her seemed to waiver then grow warmer. It was all at once strange, exhilarating, and oddly intimate for someone she had met only recently and, even more recently, decided not to kill. She was drawn to him, she realized, in a cosmic way that felt at once exhilarating, scary, and comforting.
Merrin followed Cal into the stars. His mission hit so close to home for her that to ascribe it to anything other than fate (or gods forbid the will of his Force) would be foolish. She realized many things once she left Dathomir, chief among them being the following: one she really knew very little about the universe and this journey of self discovery would take much longer than she had anticipated and two, Cal Kestis was every bit the survivor he had said he was. Not only did he come back from each mission with a fresh set of scrapes, cuts and bruises, but his sleep was that of one whose life had been filled with more than his fair share of trauma.
She first noticed Cal’s troubled relationship with sleep early in her stay on the Mantis. He would try to stay awake as long as he could only to fall into fitful sleep at best, raging nightmares at worst. Merrin had asked Cere what could be done, only to have the former Jedi shake her head, she had even considered trying various herbal remedies, but given the severity she doubted they would be of any efficacy. In the end she opted to sit by his side at night. She would look for the tell tale knit eyebrows that signaled that the dreams had started. She would despair at the unfairness of it all, Cal was one of the kindest people she had ever met and for him to have such burdens almost made her ill.
Merrin reflected on what that feeling meant, she was naive, but not stupid, she could still feel that jolt that had shot through her and Cal when their hands had touched. That thought gave her an idea. This time when the nightmares pressed in on Cal she didn’t sit and let worry take her, instead she very slowly and deliberately put her hand on top of his. He didn’t wake, instead his face relaxed and he began to evenly breathe and finally gently snore. Merrin had to get a grip as her vision blurred; she regained control before a tear left her eye.
She would keep this vigil most nights, thankful that her two hearts meant that she didn’t have to sleep as much. Sometimes she would talk in her mind, trying to imagine how Cal’s connection to the force worked and trying to project her thoughts into his. It would be much simpler if you could hear me Cal Kestis. I am brave out there, but not like this. I don’t know if you’re even aware of how you occupy my thoughts, how much I … Merrin stopped and inhaled, letting the breath out slowly. “Mother would have thoughts,” she whispered, “thoughts and some words, but she would understand.”
Cale eventually got better and shielding, but the dreams remained. This combined with her unresolved affections haunted Merrin while the crew was apart.
The Jehda night was cold and windy outside the cave. The fire she had set was dying down and Merrin was kicking herself mentally for volunteering to take first watch… or to have watches at all… surely the droid could do a fine job, but the Nightsister wanted to test something. She watched her red-headed companion, Cal Kestis, the Jedi who she still yearned so earnestly for, the same Cal Kestis who had had his arm around her only an hour before and call her Mer again, the Cal who even after all this time and all the growth was still having a kriffing nightmare.
Meeting sighed, lay down and put her hand over his. “Not tonight galaxy,” she thought, “tonight you go through me to get to him.” Cal slept peacefully.
Cal woke rested. He groggily checked to make sure that he hadn’t accidentally slept for too long. Nope, 6 standard hours, same as always. Why then was he so rested… he hadn’t slept this well since… his eyes looked to where Merrin sat patiently, letting BD scan her. His thoughts whirred to life… it was all too much for the Jedi to process. Seeming to sense this Merrin flatly stated “the weather has cleared.” There was work to be done… these feelings would have to be parsed later.
If they didn’t act they were going to die… as deaths went “smashed by giant robot” would certainly make news somewhere. At the very least it would be included in the next efficacy briefing on the Scarab’s capabilities Cal thought. Well he was thinking that until he heard a question from Merrin that seemed at the time inane. “Do you trust me?” What sort of question was that? He responded off the cuff in the affirmative seeing what the witch was up to, however, made him raise his hand, wanting clarification of what he was trusting here.
The next time she asked the question his hand was in hers and the world was again still. The Nightsister’s eyes were searching his, for what he couldn’t tell, and were filled with an emotion he dared not put words to so he answered honestly “yes.”
She kissed him.
She kissed him and the world and all of its noise vanished. There was only Merrin. If the touch of her hand had brought quiet, the Nightsister’s lips brought balance and serenity. For a scrapper and former Jedi who was used to having his senses leave him for all of the wrong reasons, having his breath and words stolen from him by the alluring witch, his best friend, who had stepped back into his orbit was a welcomed change.
His mental shields wavered but held. He needed clarification before he let go of those. “Was that for luck?” He asked, still dazed by the turn of events. Merrin’s eyes were resolute and filled with that same unnamable emotion as she smirked. “No, for me.”
He followed her lead and jumped into the sickeningly green portal.
“I know what I want now”
Merrin’s mind was going at speeds even hyperspace couldn’t hope to match. Mine mine mine mine mine he’s mine I’m his this is really happening WE are happening . Her inner monologue began to scream at her and if she didn’t reign it in those thoughts were going to be given a voice that would make for some awkward talks with any nearby Anchorites. Cere probably already knew… Merrin hadn’t exactly reigned in her emotions. For once, however, Cal seemed to be in control, certain of his words and his actions. His hand felt right resting on hers, she looked into his eyes; they were clear and his mind was sharp.
It felt like time crawled by, but in reality it was the space of a few heartbeats. Rather than let her emotions spill out just yet she settled on snark, appropriately modulated snark, but snark.
“It took you long enough.”
Then they leaned in and kissed… the journey that began those years ago on her distant red planet which had died at the hands of a war that had burned away everything in its path, their story that weaved through their sojourns of self growth and discovery. Each step they had taken, every friend made and lost, every touch and longing glance were all stones on a path to this moment. What had started as a tentative bridging of their two worlds… had become a cosmic collision. When they grabbed each other and deepened the kiss there was no Merrin and Cal anymore… they ended their individual selves in that moment and they began to move forward together.
“I’ll only ask this once more Cal Kestis, do you trust me?”
Cal’s eyes were dark, his voice a low echo like thunder heard just over the horizon. When he spoke, it was with a surety that nearly set Merrin on fire. “Mer, I always have and I always will. You make the noise in my head go away. You are every good decision I’ve ever made. I am made a better version of myself because you are in my life.”
Rather than let any more of their emotions into the cold unfeeling desert, Merrin, without saying a word, took Cal’s hand and, in a flash of green smoke, teleported them into a room she used from time to time. She hadn’t planned this part out in her head when she had wandered back out as she had seen Bode begin to walk away, but her mind and heart had surrendered to the flow of things. She wouldn’t push Cal, but the dumbstruck look in his eyes said that he was more than receptive to taking a few steps more. Dumbstruck wasn’t the right word, however, his face conveyed a depth of emotion that almost made her falter, it radiated reverence and awe, tinged with a warmth and emotion she knew he didn’t yet have the name for. No faltering, her brain chastised her, someone has to sit in the driver’s seat .
Merrin kissed him again and felt him click back into place. Suddenly a dam broke and their hands were tangled in each other’s hair. Boots and bandoliers were pulled off and flung somewhere as his lips trailed down to her throat and then to her earlobe. She mewled as she idly wondered if his psychometry allowed him to divine where she liked to be kissed. Might want to test that later on , she thought to herself.
They could both feel the need to be closer to one another. Merrin was reminded of the time she had seen a dying binary star system in her travels. The stars were locked in an elegant dance as they plunged ever closer to each other with each rotation. Eventually, they would merge into a single brilliant explosion hundreds of not thousands of millions of years from now… she was thankful that it hadn’t taken them that long, only 5, but they were needed. This was the beginning of their journey but the culmination of her wandering and his deliberation. By choosing her he had made the conscious decision to let go of the last piece of his previous life, of the follies, as Cere called them, of the Jedi dogma.
Her fingers found the hem of his shirt and he simply nodded. Her silent question answered, she disposed of the garment somewhere towards the door. She paused and located her arms asking the same from him. She heard an inhale then felt rough callused hands remove her jacket and shirt, sending them towards the growing pile of clothes on the ground. They both paused as they took each other in. It wasn’t the first time she had seen him shirtless, but now she took the time to reacquaint herself with each scar and freckle. They were her responsibility now, she had custody of this man who was learning to be more than the sword he carried so it was her job to understand each scar and every place where the suns of a thousand worlds had kissed him.
Do you trust me?
That phrase meant more than anyone could fathom between them. He trusted her with the fragility of his body and soul with his hopes and dreams. She trusted him to support who she had become and to empower her to be so much more. She planted her palms against his chest and trailed small kisses wherever she felt the pull and whim to do so. Eventually he made a noise, half strangled, that could be construed as a question. His fingers had found her under wrap. “Yes My Jedi.” She moaned out.
The band was thrown aside and her upper half was bare before him. She looked at his eyes, his pupils blown wide and nearly black, and guided his hands to her breasts. His touch like everything else he did towards her was near reverential, but there was a want and need that permeated his very being, and Merrin felt it to her bones. Now you understand My Jedi she thought.
She set her hands to work on his belt and pants then hers. She smirked as his gaze turned to slack jawed awe, yes he was beginning to understand the need that coursed through her. She sat him on the end of her bed. She gave one last thought to the gravity of taking Cal’s first time and the responsibility that went with that and carefully lowered herself on to him.
She had intended to set a pace to ease her Jedi into this new experience. She had, but as soon as she slid to his hilt she felt his arms encircle her and he groaned her name into her neck.
“Merr…”
Then the carefully constructed mental shields that Cal Kestis has constructed shattered. As they did his force essence carrying his emotions and memories poured out of him. Merrin was enveloped in every thing he had ever felt for her. She felt the awe that was reflected in his eyes from the moment she had confronted him on Dathomir. She felt his surprise and joy when she said she would join him. She felt his want for her as they adventured together. She felt the noisy world that he lived in go silent at every touch and the way his axis was blown off kilter when she first kissed him. She felt the adoration in him when she rushed to hug him after Nur. The pain of loss and longing when she left the Mantis. The nights he spent watching old holovids wondering what he’d done wrong. The pangs of jealousy in the months leading up to her departure. The relief when he first saw her on Jehda. The warmth of the fire that night. More than anything, she felt his love for her right now, in this moment.
She had planned to take things slow, let the moment build and show Cal exactly what he was missing… in response to the stimulus, however, she immediately climaxed.
“Oh God, Cal!” She screamed, louder than she meant to, as her magick leaked out of her without her bidding, bathing the room in an ethereal green hue. The realization that he was and always had been as invested as she had been but had lacked the words or frame of reference to act broke through any control she had hoped to have.
He looked up at her, mouth slack. He was close but had the presence of mind to sheepishly respond. “Sorry, they fell Mer. I should have…”
She smashed her lips into his.
“We have wasted enough time Cal, do not waste any more apologizing. Besides,” she smirked, “it’s your turn.”
In reality it took only a few more thrusts before he grabbed her back, mouth open in a groan and finishing inside of her, but for Merrin it felt like an eternity where each movement was a repair to the tapestry that was Them. Going forward there would be no rifts, no apologies, and no fear. They would not be apart again. It wouldn’t be easy, but it would be them against the galaxy and she liked those odds.
They lay in the afterglow staring at the rocky ceiling. Each room had natural apertures that permitted both sun and moonlight in and she watched as Cal reached the hand that wasn’t wrapped around her shoulder and reached up towards one. His hand opened and closed as if grasping onto a string that only he could see. “I feel… infinite Merrin. It’s so strange.”
Her emotions seeped out of her eyes and she didn’t bother to check them, the trails of wetness cleansing the last of their separate pasts away. “I am glad you enjoyed that Cal. We will have to do that again soon.” He nodded in response and pulled her closer, letting sleep take them both.
Years later....
The pair lay in a field on a far part of Tannalor. They had hiked out to scout new locations and for some time alone. Cal was on his back arm slung over his head. Merrin lay with her head hovering over him. In her mind’s eye she wanted to freeze this moment as her hand cupped his chin. His smile was easy and unguarded, the one that was just for her and she let her Magick flow freely from her fingertips soothing his exposed skin. She didn’t bother trying to hide the look of raw naked adoration that surely radiated from her eyes. Since their reuniting, there had been fantastic highs and desperate lows, but knowing how they were able to ground each other gave her the strength to carry on.