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The controller was warm in his hands, familiar, as if it were an extension of his arm he needed to finish off his opponents.
Blasting sounds rang out from the loudspeakers to the left and right of the TV, and bright streaks of light flashed across the walls that lay in shadows – Rei had not switched on the ceiling light, after all, but merely the small standard lamp in the corner with its golden glow.
His eyes were focused on the screen where he was trying to evade attackers while predicting the next ambush; his hands were moving on autofocus, his fingers were pressing the buttons when they knew when, but his mind…
His mind was elsewhere.
It was evening, past closing time of their café, and Miri had made her way to Mio's birthday party with a sleeping bag over her shoulder, even before Kazuki could ask her if she wanted to have dinner with them.
After a heart-wrenching moment of "but she has never refused hamburger steak; I got some beef from Taniya today" and a few tentative pats on his head from Rei, Kazuki had calmed down and together they had begun preparations for a shared dinner.
It was rare for just the two of them to share a meal as Miri usually sat with them at the table in their bright kitchen, but it certainly wasn't uncomfortable. They had talked about the day, their regulars, the ongoing problem with the coffee machine – they should really get that fixed soon – and the ever-changing yet ever the same sight on the ocean just right on the other side of the street.
While Kazuki had done most of the talking, Rei had been content to watch him do so, extending his feet under the table and retracting them over and over. He was sure Kazuki wouldn't have minded if their feet touched, but Rei didn't know how to make it casual. Aside from making French Toast and handling a weapon in various ways, he didn't do casual.
But Kazuki did, just like when he had leaned over to press his lips against black hair while Rei had been busy pouring washing-up liquid into the sink. In surprise, he had dropped the bottle altogether and stared after Kazuki, who had hummed and returned to the table to gather their plates.
Rei wasn't sure whether it had been relief or dissatisfaction running through his body when Kazuki had announced after washing up that he was going to check this month's finances and other things in their office and had told Rei to go upstairs ahead.
While Rei had been busy trying to figure out what he was actually feeling, he had trotted upstairs to their private rooms. There, he had strode down the hall, plopped down on the couch in the living room, and reached for the controller, ready to switch on the game he had started a few days ago.
And thus, while his eyes were busy focusing, his mind was elsewhere.
It was quiet in the house, apart from the omnipresent murmur of the ocean that enveloped the house like a gentle embrace, and then there was the tapping of fingers on a keyboard and the leafing through paper that drifted up from the office just off the landing.
Rei stared at the TV, his eyes hurt as he hadn't blinked in a while and the rhythm of his heart concerned him. He didn't need someone to tell him that he was nervous, he already knew the signs, yet he didn't understand them. He had never been nervous before, but having trained long enough to map nervousness in his opponent's face and gestures, he knew very well how to spot it.
His focus was off, his hands felt cold, and his chest felt light despite the off-beat of his heart.
He stared at the screen; he barely recognised the large mocking letters of GAME OVER written all over it. His mind was elsewhere after all.
Someone was coming up the stairs.
He would be able to discern those footsteps anywhere, light and quiet, yet loud enough to let Rei know he was coming.
There was no hurry in his steps, nor did he walk slowly on purpose. Leisurely he came up the stairs until he reached the landing and followed Rei's invisible footsteps down the hall until he–
"That's rare, Rei. You never lose."
Despite knowing Kazuki stood in the door frame, Rei flinched and turned around.
Kazuki had both hands on his hips and a stunned expression on his face when he looked at the screen.
"Aside from the time before we decided to keep Miri," he added with a wistful smile.
Rei tilted his head. "You make it sound like she's a dog."
Kazuki gave him a warm smile. "She sure cuddled as much as a dog, didn't she? When she was younger anyway."
Unsure how to reply, Rei stayed silent.
"And as much as you," Kazuki added. "Who knew you were such a big cuddler too! We could– Woah, Rei, stop that, this shirt is new, you know?"
Rei's glare frayed and he looked at his boyfriend in confusion.
"Your glare," Kazuki said, "it's drilling holes in my shirt."
Rei blinked and looked at Kazuki's clothes. "I don't see any."
"That was a a metaphor."
"A what?"
"Forget it." Kazuki shrugged and came closer to sit next to Rei on the couch. "Since you already lost your game, want to hear about the coffee machine?"
Rei looked from Kazuki to the TV, where the letters of GAME OVER had disappeared and the menu was back, giving him the options of SAFE, EXIT or RESTART. Then he glanced back at Kazuki, who was watching him calmly.
"Sure," Rei mumbled and put the controller on the coffee table.
Kazuki flashed him a smile and sat down on the touch, one leg angled and facing Rei. "As you know, someone was there to look at the machine to see what was wrong with it. They said it would cost 50,000 yen to repair it."
Rei nodded.
"Something with tiny parts that cost a lot plus the hourly wages." Kazuki shrugged. "So I've been doing some research on coffee machines to know what was out there because we took over this one from the previous owners anyway and it's a bit, uh, old."
Old was an understatement. On a day off, Rei had taken the entire machine apart, cleaned each and every tiny part and put it back together. He had found dust from past centuries, a couple yen, and a receipt from a time when he could never have imagined that he would one day be half the owner of a café on a subtropical island.
"I figured it might be better to invest in a new one," Kazuki concluded. "It's not like we're short of money anyway, and I found one that can make milk foam." His warm eyes rested on Rei, silently asking for his opinion.
"Sounds good," Rei said.
Kazuki's eyes began to sparkle. "So we should buy a new one?"
"Yes. I don't want to bother with the old one any longer. How long does the shipment take?"
"Up to two weeks."
"That long?"
"Rei, we're no longer living in Tokyo."
Rei heaved a sigh and leaned back against the backrest. "Forgot that," he mumbled.
"It's okay," Kazuki said and leaned back as well so that he could gaze at Rei from the side. "Okinawa sure is a special place."
Rei frowned. "You mean inconvenient?"
"No."
Rei looked at him, waiting.
"Peaceful," Kazuki said quietly.
Oh.
"I'm glad we came here," Kazuki continued. "Otherwise I wouldn't have known it could be this quiet. Here," he added and patted his chest.
"Not here?" Rei asked and reached out to touch soft blond hair.
Stunned, Kazuki's eyes widened. Then he smiled. "Yeah, there too," he murmured and reached out to trace Rei's slender fingers before taking them in his hand to look at them.
The touch was comfortable, and although Rei didn't know what to do or if he was expected to say or do anything at all, he didn't feel odd. He simply let Kazuki trace his fingers with an adoring expression and a smile that was half sad half joyous.
"Let's order it then," Rei said, determined.
"Huh? What?"
"The coffee machine." Rei smiled softly. "The one you suggested to buy."
"Oh. Right. The coffee machine." Kazuki looked at Rei's hand in his lap. "I guess I got off topic."
"It's okay," Rei mimicked Kazuki and reached out to pat blond hair with his other hand.
"Oi." Kazuki frowned. "Once was enough."
Rei let his hand hover above Kazuki's head. "I can't?"
For a moment Kazuki opened his mouth without saying anything. "Well, uh, if you want, I guess that's fine. But I'm not a kid, I don't need consoling," he added.
"You sure needed it when Miri left."
"That was an exceptional situation!"
"You were about to cry, Kazuki." Rei cocked an eyebrow. "Because of hamburger steak."
"I wasn't crying!"
"I should have some tissues at hand."
"Rei!" Kazuki barked, then burst into laughter and dropped his head on the backrest, grinning at Rei with twinkling eyes. "Stop it," he said, quieter now.
"You did stop eventually."
"Reiiii."
"Fine, I'll stop," Rei relented, and whether it was an unconscious move or not, his hand tugged at Kazuki's, pulling it closer so that it rested on his thigh instead.
He gazed at it, ran his fingers along the digits – just as Kazuki had done with Rei's hand before – touched the scar on the inside of the heel and traced the lines of the palm.
"Hey, Rei." The words were mumbled, barely audible.
Rei glanced at his partner out of the corner of his eye.
Kazuki licked his lip and let his eyes wander from Rei's eyes to the coffee table and back.
"Remember what you said this morning?"
Keeping his eyes on his boyfriend, Rei waited silently.
"We… have more than five minutes now," Kazuki said.
"I remember that."
Kazuki met his eyes and chuckled quietly. "Of course you do."
"I meant it," Rei hastily replied, confused by the worried undertone.
"Yeah?" Kazuki's hand twitched in Rei's grasp.
He nodded; the grip on Kazuki's hand became firmer. "I just… don't know how to start," he mumbled and let his shoulders sag.
"Oh." But Kazuki misinterpret and said, "It's not that we have to do anything, we can just–"
"I want to."
They looked at each other, one man with wide eyes and the other with a firm, determined expression.
"Well, I already did it anyway," Rei continued and thought about the quick kiss this morning. That too had been casual, if he only knew how to get back into the atmosphere. "But… Now we have time and I… I don't know how to…"
"Start?"
Rei bobbed his head.
"Oh, okay, that's… Oh!" As warm eyes widened even further, Rei frowned at him. "That's easy!"
"Easy," Rei deadpanned.
"Yes, just go with the feeling."
"What does that mean?" Rei tilted his head, puzzled.
Kazuki blinked once. "Well, I guess that wouldn't necessarily work on you. And there's no need to force you either."
"But I–"
The flat hand Kazuki held up made Rei pause. "I know," he said quietly, a gentle smile on his lips. "But that's not what I mean. I don't want you to become someone else, Rei. That wouldn't be who I fell for."
Rei relaxed and nodded. "So how should I do this?"
"Think about me," Kazuki said and leaned closer, "and where you want to touch."
If there had been warmth where Rei's hand grasped Kazuki's, it was now spreading everywhere, filling his belly with a prickling sensation and running across his cheeks.
"You'll be fine," Kazuki mumbled. "See? You've been fiddling with my hand all this time but I guess you didn't even notice."
Rei looked down and noticed that Kazuki indeed was right, his second hand had joined the first and fidgeted with warm fingers.
"So," Kazuki said, and his hand in Rei's grip curled so he could pull Rei towards him. His voice became a notch darker as he said, "Where do you want to touch?"
Rei swallowed and tried to ignore the somersault in his stomach as he gazed into half-lidded eyes that darted over his face. He faintly wondered if this effect was the reason for Kazuki's popularity with women; but before he could advance that though, it was already forgotten.
He stared into warm eyes filled with a desire Rei had never seen this calm, this tender. Then he dropped his gaze to Kazuki's lips he had already seen doing a number of things: talking, nagging, singing a duet with Miri, shouting, screaming, swearing, drooling. But until now, the thought of what they would be like when kissing had never occurred to Rei in this detail.
"There," Rei whispered, and now that he knew where to start, he leaned forward without further ado to press his lips to Kazuki's.
They were just as soft as this morning after waking up and also just as responding, but above all they felt good. Rei leaned further, invading into Kazuki's personal space to feel even more of that warmth he had been missing all day. Short touches on the elbow and a kiss here and there, earlier at the sink or when Kazuki had pressed his lips to the top of his head when he had fetched new milk cartons from the storage, hadn’t been enough.
It was as if he had been waiting all day to finally do this. As if work, lunch, errands, dinner and the game had only been a prelude to the real event.
To his dismay, however, Kazuki's eyes fell shut as Rei kissed him. It was a pity; Rei would've liked to see his expression change once they got started, once he heard a tiny gasp fall from Kazuki's mouth, stifled by the touch of their lips and listened to the hum that reverberated in his throat.
Rei wondered if his own expression changed or not; for some reason it wouldn't bother him if it did.
As he watched Kazuki's eyebrows furrow as if he were coming up with new seasonal items for the menu, Rei felt Kazuki's hand, still resting in his loose grip on his thigh, twitch. He released it, and as if Kazuki had been waiting for it, his fingers slipped from Rei's hand. He briefly skimmed over Rei's stomach and chest before grasping his shoulder and slowly sliding his hand over Rei's upper arm. His thumb pressed lightly into his skin, massaging it.
It felt good, Rei noticed. He couldn't have imagined it, but maybe it was because it was Kazuki he was kissing and no one else. But it wasn't just the warmth of his hand or his lips on his, but those gentle touches that slowly explored his body. Even when Kazuki moved his arm lower to Rei's elbow, his wrist, and finally let it fall onto Rei's thigh, which he trailed down until settling somewhere near his knee, Rei didn't feel uncomfortable – on the contrary. His leg twitched, but just because he didn't see it coming. His eyes were focused on Kazuki's face after all, the few freckles, caused by the subtropical sun, his beard and the curve of his brows.
Rei would've loved to continue, if it weren't for Kazuki breaking away for air and blinking his eyes open. When their eyes met, he paused, then frowned.
"Rei," he spoke against his lips.
"Hm?"
"Did you have your eyes open the entire time just now?"
"Yes."
Kazuki hesitated before continuing. "Do you, uh, always have your eyes open while kissing?"
"Yes, why?"
Confused, Rei looked at his boyfriend, who didn't continue right away but simply stared at him. "You… You usually close them. While kissing," Kazuki added.
"Is that a rule?"
"No rule, but… It's not that it's bad, but…" Kazuki scratched the back of his head, his gaze wandering to the side, frowning thoughtfully at the coffee table.
"What?" Rei pressed. "No need to coddle me, Kazuki. Just tell me if I've done something weird."
"It's not weird if it's you doing it."
"Okay?" Rei was even more confused now.
"I don't want you to change so–"
"But I want to make you feel good too."
Surprised, Kazuki's eyes widened and there was a pink hue running across his cheeks. Then he smiled, soft and tender. "I'm already feeling good, you know?" he said and seemingly absentmindedly brushed his palm over Rei's chest, tugging at the fabric.
"Then I want to make it better. I don't think my personality will change because I close my eyes while kissing." Rei couldn't stop the smirk when he heard himself saying that, though it seized as he continued, "I just never thought about it. I never kissed this much before anyway."
"You just did your routine and were done?"
Rei shrugged. "Pretty much. After one kiss they usually didn't want to– Oh."
His eyes met Kazuki's forced smile; it did not reach his eyes.
The awareness ran through him like a litre of used frying oil that had been poured through him. Not that he had cared much about it at the time, he had hardly given it the slightest thought anyway. Those had been arranged deeds of his father, an order if one will, which he had carried out devoid of any emotion. Only later, when he had met Kazuki in Kyu-chan's bar, some things had started to change. His marionette existence had come to an end.
And now here he was, on the couch in a house he could really call home, trying to make out with the man he trusted the most.
His gaze fell on his lap where Kazuki's hand still touched his knee. His fingers were warm, his thumb stroked the patch of bare skin below the hem of Rei's shorts; his other hand let go of Rei's t-shirt to brush the back of it against his cheeks. Eventually Kazuki pushed lightly against Rei's jaw to make him turn his head to look at him.
Kazuki's smile was gentle, his eyes bearing the warmth Rei had sought ever since.
"Was I weird?" Rei asked, whispered.
"You weren't, really. You were just cautious."
Maybe Rei shouldn't be surprised that Kazuki saw through him right away, yet his eyes widened a tad. "So," he said slowly, his hand moving slowly over Kazuki's arm, "it's better not do it it?"
"I wouldn't say better, but…"
Rei waited for his boyfriend to gather his thoughts, to find the right words.
"Do you perhaps want to try and close them?"
"While kissing?"
The blush on Kazuki's cheeks spread further; Rei watched it in amazement.
"Yeah," Kazuki said, his voice a little scratchy.
"Okay."
"I really like your eyes, you know?" A moment passed during which Kazuki licked his lips and gazed into Rei's eyes, watching one, then the other. "But closing them might be more romantic."
"Even though I'm bad at it," Rei muttered.
"At kissing? You're doing good, actually."
"No. Romance."
"Oh. That." Kazuki hummed and tilted his head to the side with a thoughtful expression. "That's okay, you know? It's not like I expected you to turn into the biggest romantic as soon as we, uh, got here." He made a vague gesture towards both of their bodies and the couch, but Rei understood that he meant their relationship. "Just as you are, that's totally fine."
Rei bobbed his head. "I will do my research though."
The tension in him bled away when Kazuki chuckled in delight. "I'm intrigued."
That said, it was tougher than Rei would've thought. Resuming the kiss wasn't that difficult since Kazuki's palm curled around the back of his neck and pulled him closer, his lids narrowing as their lips met again. He didn't open them again while Rei stared at him, frozen for a moment. Eventually his eyelids fluttered and he blinked, the intervals growing shorter until he finally closed his eyes.
As darkness surrounded Rei, his senses sharpened. He could feel Kazuki's breath against his skin whenever he exhaled a sigh, he could breathe in Kazuki's scent filling his lungs, and there was this familiar warmth emanating from the other man as if Rei were standing in front of their big oven in the store – the sweet smell, however, was missing.
At first Kazuki's hands stayed where they had touched Rei before – at his knee and neck – but then they began to move, trailing over his leg and arm or brushing a thumb over his temple before pushing slender fingers into long black hair. It sent goosebumps down Rei's spine and he almost broke away at the foreign sensation.
He had never felt like this during a kiss before.
It took a while before Rei got started for real, before his arm found Kazuki's in the dark, and parted his lips to feel more of his warmth.
There was one thing that was still odd.
"Tickles," Rei mumbled between two kisses.
"Hm?" Kazuki blinked his eyes open.
"Your beard, it tickles."
Kazuki stared at him, then let go of Rei's hair to touch his chin. "Oh," he said, then snickered. "Sorry about that, you don't like it?"
Rei gazed at the beard. "I… don't know. I never thought about the beard when I thought about kissing you. Although I rarely thought about that before either."
"U–huh." Kazuki watched him with amusement, but also a curious spark in his eyes. "You want me to shave?"
"No."
"No?"
Rei shook his head. "You have a reason for not shaving."
"Well, I guess so but–"
"I don't want you to change either," Rei interrupted him before he could suggest what Rei suspected he would.
"O–oh." Kazuki swallowed. "Uhm, thank you."
"Mhm, let's continue," Rei said and leaned in again.
"Eager aren't we?" Kazuki grinned.
"Shut up."
"Gladly."
Rei just had enough time to roll his eyes before Kazuki pulled him closer, not only his lips, but his whole body.
"Kazu– Wha–" He gave in as Kazuki's demanding arms pulled him to him. One hand reached under the back of his knee so that his leg was on the couch. Rei followed the silent instructions while Kazuki couldn't help kissing him further, a mischievous smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes.
Finally, Kazuki seemed to have him where he wanted him: while Kazuki was lying on his back, Rei was half on his side, propping himself up on his arms. The pose reminded him of how they had laid in bed this morning, 'cuddled', as Kazuki had so amiably put it.
Once they stopped moving, Rei allowed his upper body to sink lower, putting his arm on Kazuki's chest as he shifted his weight on the other man.
"That good?" Kazuki mumbled.
"Yes. Are you?"
"Never better."
"I doubt that."
"Oi, at least let me be the romantic one here."
"Someone has to be."
"No, but I take it."
Rei shrugged, which felt odd given their positions, but he ignored that and without further ado leaned in again.
Maybe it was the lack of good experience or the angle, but their noses bumped a few times. It would've been fine if it was only that. But when Rei reached out to touch Kazuki's shoulder, arm or chest, Kazuki seemed to have exactly the same idea and their hands bumped into each other several times. Not being able to see was truly a hindrance.
Kazuki chuckled when they parted.
"Sorry," Rei said, frowning.
"It's okay; it's been a while, right?" Kazuki mumbled against Rei's lips while looking at Rei's.
It wasn't that Kazuki wanted to hear a reply to his question; he craned his neck to kiss Rei again, but Rei hesitated and raised his head a little so that Kazuki couldn't reach him. Kazuki frowned slightly, but his expression was confused and a little worried as he watched Rei think.
"I…" Rei said but trailed off. "I'm… not sure that's the reason. Yes, it's been a while, but… This is different."
"How?"
"Before, I never felt like… this." Rei put a hand to his chest where his heart was thumping wildly behind his ribs. Kazuki too placed his palm there and smiled when he felt the same rhythm.
"Me too," Kazuki whispered.
"I know. I'm lying on your chest," Rei deadpanned.
Kazuki chuckled quietly. "How is it different?" he asked.
"I feel… something," Rei said, feeling unsatisfied with his words.
Kazuki hummed encouragingly.
"I never felt that before while doing this. I… It's different."
"Better?"
"Oh, definitely." Rei nodded to emphasise his words.
"Then I'm glad." Kazuki smiled, his hand brushed over Rei's side, his thumb fiddling with the fabric of the t-shirt.
"I also… Before I never wanted something like this. It didn't occur to me that this could be something that I might want."
"Kissing? Or… everything?"
"Everything we have."
"That's quite a lot."
Rei nodded again, a small smile on his lips. "I actually want this," he whispered.
They listened to their heartbeats pumping in unison. Kazuki's gaze was so incredibly soft that Rei couldn't do anything but stare into the warmth pooling in those eyes. Their spark rivalled how they looked on Christmas Eve.
"I know," Kazuki mumbled.
"How?"
"Hm?"
"How do you know? I just realised."
"You just put it into words, Rei," Kazuki corrected him and stroke the back of his fingers over Rei's cheek. "But I think in here," he touched Rei's forehead, "and here," he touched his chest, "you knew this a long time ago."
Rei stared at this man, trying to comprehend his emotions from ten years ago, trying to connect them to everything that lay between Kyu-chan's bar and Okinawa. It wasn't impossible, in fact the longer he thought about it, the more logical it seemed. After all, just this morning he had said when he had started to feel differently about Kazuki.
"Maybe," he decided to say.
Kazuki saw right through him. He smiled and nudged his nose against Rei's chin, urging him on, his gaze dropping to Rei's lips.
Rei wanted to comply, but the thoughts wouldn't stop.
"I feel like an idiot," he mumbled and looked at Kazuki, who watched him in a daze while chasing his lips before he realised Rei had said something. "As if I have to learn everything from zero how to be with someone like… this," Rei continued with a frown.
Kazuki's smile widened. "No," he said with a soft voice and brushed his lips against the corner of Rei's mouth, "you feel good." And then he captured Rei yet again. He placed one hand against his neck, stroking tender skin, as he pulled him impossible close. It left no room for words and Rei's mind became quieter, too consumed in the sensations that only Kazuki seemed to be able to create within him.
While Rei was still trying to figure out which angle worked best for his head to make their lips slot together, Kazuki seemed to already know. But Rei was a quick learner; he imitated Kazuki's gesture from this morning and cupped Kazuki's cheek, tilting it slightly back so that he had access to his mouth, kissing him with vigour.
Kazuki hummed, but then the sounds escaping his mouth dropped a tad deeper and a low moan vibrated in his throat, tickling Rei and making him pause. He gazed at Kazuki, who still had his eyes closed, his fingers playing loosely, absentmindedly even, with Rei's t-shirt. Somehow the option to touch elsewhere hadn't presented itself yet, but now that warm fingers were running along his side of his hiked-up t-shirt and brushing his bare skin underneath, Rei knew what he wanted to try next.
Slowly, his hand trailed from Kazuki's jaw to his shoulder and grasped it firm before feeling the muscles of his upper arm, mindful of past wounds. He was warm all over, even through the fabric of his shirt. As Rei leaned down to resume the kiss – partly because of the needy sounds falling from Kazuki's lips, which made Rei smile – he let his hand slide over Kazuki's arm to his wrist, his side, his chest, feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat.
Kazuki's legs twitched, and Rei wondered if he was still comfortable as Rei's leg was weighing on his thigh. He let a hand glide further down, over the gentle rise and fall of Kazuki's stomach down to his hipbones, and, with a surge of curiosity, he let it wander towards Kazuki's crotch. He brushed the back of his fingers over the soft bulge – he was warm even here, if not warmer.
Suddenly Kazuki pulled back.
"And this is too fast," he said breathlessly.
"You don't want to?" Rei asked, putting his hand back on Kazuki's stomach where it was safe.
"I do," Kazuki said, smiling wistfully.
There was a pause hovering between them, so that Rei asked, "But?"
"Not right now. Later."
"… I see."
"Is that… okay?"
"Yes."
Kazuki touched his arm, his expression worried, so that Rei elaborated, "I… didn't know how to proceed anyway. Technically I do, but right now…" He frowned. "It just felt right. In general. With you." Words were, after all, still difficult.
"Then safe it for later," Kazuki said; his words were accompanied with a soft smile. "It's not that I will go anywhere anyway."
"Will we do this again?"
"Of course!" Kazuki grinned.
"Oh. Good." Rei let his gaze roam over Kazuki's body and thought of their kiss.
He had never kissed anyone as long as Kazuki, and he had never felt like this either. His insides were warm, his muscles relaxed, his mind soothed, and his stomach felt prickly like Miri's popping sprinkles. Every time he had touched Kazuki, he hadn't felt like he was making a mistake, but rather had been encouraged to try and find a spot where Kazuki's hum took on a deeper timbre.
Everything was different than when Rei had been with others. He hadn't known it could be like this. This…
"This felt good."
Kazuki's eyebrows twitched. "Couldn't you have said that with less emotions?" he asked with a chuckle.
"Was I not supposed to say that?"
"No, no, it's okay." Kazuki brushed his palm over Rei's arm in a calming manner. "It's good to know that you enjoyed it and also what you like so that I know what to do again or improve. I was just teasing."
Rei frowned. "Stop that."
Kazuki raised both of his hands in apology. "Alright, will stop it."
Rei nodded in appreciation. "Can we take a break? I think my stomach is about to pop," he said and placed his hand on his belly, rubbing it.
A chortle escaped Kazuki's throat; Rei's eyes snapped to him and he saw him trying to hold back, lips pressed together and eyes wide and staring. But it was to no avail, he burst out laughing and pressed a hand over his mouth to keep quiet, though this didn't help much either.
"What?" Rei asked, scowling.
"N–no, no, no," Kazuki said through giggles, waving a hand. "It's okay."
"It feels odd." Rei rubbed his stomach. "Is that normal while kissing?"
Kazuki calmed down – he was still grinning, but at least he wasn't laughing anymore – and put his palm over Rei's fingers.
"It felt good?"
Rei hesitated and looked at their hands. The feeling had subsided a little.
"I think so. I felt like I'd eaten a package of Miri's sprinkles."
"Sprinkles?" Kazuki asked, tilting his face, puzzled.
"The colourful ones."
"I know what sprinkles are, Rei."
"Are they always colourful?"
"Dunno." Kazuki shrugged. "But ours are anyway."
Rei hummed.
"I guess you're not used to that, huh? Kissing."
"Not as much as you. I'm surprised you can still do it; your lips must be worn out."
Kazuki smiled wistfully and gazed at Rei with an odd expression, as if he wanted to say something but didn't know what.
Rei waited, but as Kazuki stayed silent, he asked curiously, "Is it always like this?"
"Like this?"
Rei patted his belly in response, whereupon Kazuki's hand move too.
"Oh." Kazuki chuckled. "Well, not always. If… if it's the right person, it is."
"The right person," Rei mumbled to himself. He felt Kazuki's eyes on him, heavy and warm
They fell silent for a while, Rei looking at his belly and Kazuki's hand resting on it, Kazuki watching him.
"Hey, uhm…"
Rei looked up.
"Did you… dislike it back then? When I stayed the night at someone else's place?"
Rei gave it some thought, especially because Kazuki was looking at him with a serious expression. Eventually, he shrugged. "Not really. I didn't care about such things that much back then."
"Oh Rei," Kazuki's gasped, adding a chuffed "Why?" and felt for his chest in feigned hurt.
Rei scowled. "I thought no more teasing?"
Kazuki cleared his throat. "Right, sorry 'bout that," he muttered with his usual voice and shrugged a shoulder so that Rei glared at him for good measure.
It did not go past Kazuki, so that he soon exclaimed, "Anyway, let's take a break!"
Rei nodded and moved until he sat in his starting position; Kazuki too shifted so that he leaned back, leg angled once more to face Rei.
"But you know?" Kazuki said then. "Good to know you got these functions too."
"Functions?"
"Ah, you know, touching me down there and all."
Rei shrugged. "I'm only human."
"Not every human is like this, Rei."
"Well, I am."
Kazuki's gaze was glowing. "Me too," he whispered.
"At least I think I would… If it's you I think–"
"I know."
Rei frowned, surprised about being helped out all of a sudden when he was at a lack of words. He looked at Kazuki, who had turned his head to the other side to watch the bookshelf, but his red ears were giving him away.
They said nothing for a while and bathed in the silence of the evening and the sound of the ever-present sea. The TV screen had gone black after they had pretty much ignored the screensaver. Rei didn't know whether he was supposed to say something or not, he didn't feel uncomfortable to remain silent. And yet there was something he wanted to change.
He glanced at Kazuki, who was seemingly still busy deciphering the titles of all the books in the dim light, and silently scooted closer until he was sitting right next to Kazuki. Kazuki drew a surprised gasp when they touched again, but Rei had already closed his eyes and laid his head on his shoulder.
A moment passed, then Kazuki turned his head to press a kiss to black hair before resting his chin on it. Once they were both back on a similar comfort level, Rei put his arm over Kazuki's stomach, curling his fingers into the other side of his shirt.
"She wasn't surprised one bit," Kazuki mumbled.
"Who?"
"Miri."
"About what?"
"This morning, when she found us together in my bed."
"Oh." Rei nodded but kept his eyes closed. "She took that well."
"Maybe…" Idle fingers played with black hair while Kazuki's thought hung in the air like humidity in summer air.
Rei turned his head to look at his boyfriend from underneath and he smiled when he saw the glow in widened eyes, the twitch of his beard and the thoughtful frown.
"What if it wasn't… new to her?" Kazuki finally said and met Rei's gaze.
"What do you mean?"
"What if she… suspected we were, uhm, like this already before?"
Rei thought about it. "Well, she mostly grew up with us as her fathers anyway."
"Yes, but–"
"Isn't it good? She didn't seem to mind."
"Yeah, that's right, but–"
"Let's just continue like we did."
"Huh?" Kazuki stared at him in confusion.
"Little will change anyway; I'll be spending the night in your bed from now on, and aside from kissing and sex, there's not much that–"
"Rei!"
Rei paused, waiting for Kazuki to remove his hand from his own face and explain why he had shouted his name just now.
"What?" Rei asked when it became clear that Kazuki wouldn't explain on his own.
"Why did you say that?"
"Because it's true? Unless you don't want to–"
"That's not it, you just said it so… directly."
"Is there a rule for saying these things?"
"No, but–" Kazuki heaved a sigh, finally dropped his hand and watched Rei with pink cheeks. He was smiling now and his eyes were glowing. He whispered, "I really don't want you to change, you know?"
"I don't know if that's–"
Rei's word were cut off with a quick kiss, too hard for his liking, but Kazuki seemed satisfied when he pulled back and looked at him.
"As long as you are you, I don't mind a few changes here and there," Kazuki mumbled.
Rei thought about a reply, but the only thing he could think of was, "Okay."
Kazuki blinked once, then chuckled. "Alright, let's go to bed." He got up from the couch, stretched and turned back, extending his hand. "You coming?"
Rei smiled, switched off the game and the TV screen, and accepted warm fingers.
Together they walked down the hall, gentle smiles on their lips.
"You need your pillow?" Kazuki asked as they passed Rei's room.
"No."
"No?"
"You have a pillow, don't you?"
Kazuki stared at him. "Yes, Rei, I have a pillow."
"That's enough. I'm not used to one anyway."
"That… might be true, but–"
"I will move closer either way, so I don't think a pillow is necessary."
Kazuki stayed silent.
"Is that alright?" Rei asked.
"Yes." Kazuki squeezed his hand and smiled. "Yes, that's alright."
Eventually, they resumed walking; towards another restful night.