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Angry isn't a good look on anyone. There is a ghostly cord that grows from your bent spine and dangles over your head as some rotten carrot you chase. JJ always got angry with his dad. But he didn't mean to take his anger out on Kie. In a moment it can scar for a lifetime.
"JJ! You don't have to deal with this alone! I'm your girlfriend! I'm gonna be there for you."
"No not for this, Kie! I don't want you anywhere near my dad. I don't want you involved!
"I'm just trying to help you. Everything he did to you, you shouldn't be dealing with this alone."
"It's fine, Kie. I got it. So just back off and fucking let me handle it." It is easier to fight than be vulnerable and say that you need love and a chance to co-regulate. Otherwise, he had to admit how much he needed her. One is dysfunction, the other function. You do the math.
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"Sarah, it's JJ. He'll get over it."
"So what? You're just gonna wait for him to come to you? You know that's a shitty idea, right? He'll never do that." Kie knew that. She knew JJ wouldn't make the first move. But she couldn't be mad at him. She just felt sympathy towards him. She wished he wouldn't shut her out.
"Look, I'm just giving him some space. He does this, he pushes people away when he's stressed. His dad is back in the OBX, he's going through it. He just needs to--," Kie was cut off as someone called out to her.
"Kiara?" she lifted her head and the second she spotted the woman in front of her, her throat closed up, and she was speechless. It had been just over 8 months since she and JJ handed their baby off to this woman and her husband. They were a great choice, she knew they would keep her safe. But she never thought they would see them so soon after Marley was born.
"Hi... Um, I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound rude but... What are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to barge in like this. I just... Well, it's Marley. She's in the hospital."
"What?" Instant panic set in. Her baby was hurt. Well, not her baby. Not technically. Marley's mother spoke again.
"My husband is there with her now, she has leukemia and she needs a bone marrow transplant. We had a donor lined up but then they died."
"I'm so sorry." Her brain is on five per cent battery. This stuff, this caring, is vast yet finite, freely given yet at a cost to her... and she's tired... so very, very, tired.
"We'd never ask. We had no intention of bothering you or JJ, but last night everything changed." Kiara agreed in a second. She had to do this for Marley.
"No, of course. Of course, I'd donate."
"Oh, thank you so much."
"Can I... I know it's not right to ask but, could I see her?" The woman hesitated. Kie knew it was a stretch. She knew it was "against the rules" but her baby was sick and this sudden motherly instinct she never felt when Marley was first born all of a sudden rushed through her.
"Oh, I'm... I'm not sure if that's best," she said. Her eyes are shining with the threat of tears. She couldn't cry. She couldn't show how much this upset her.
"No, of course, I understand," she croaked out. "Okay, well I guess we should go to the hospital."
"Do you want me to come?"
"No, just keep the boys distracted. JJ doesn't need to know about this."
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"Hey, where's Kie?" JJ questioned the second Sarah walked through the door.
"She had to work an extra few hours cause a staff member didn't show," she immediately fibbed.
"You're lying." And it was alarming how quickly JJ realized. Or more so realized how quickly Kie was in trouble.
"No, I'm not, she's at work." She could not let JJ know. JJ was the type of person whose fear switches off the supercomputer part of his brain and puts the primitive part in charge - thus reactions in place of responses, a lack of self-control, and simple solutions over ones that consider the feelings of others. "JJ, you're just being paranoid, everything's fine."
"Sarah! Tell me where she is!" The boys froze at JJ's sudden outburst. But Sarah kept her cool.
"If she wanted you to know JJ--," he barely let her get a word out before cutting her off.
"She does. She just... We're just having one of our stupid fights." All of his anxieties come tumbling back. "Do you know how wrong it is if she's really in trouble and I'm not there because we're being idiots?" Sarah knew Kie would be pissed, but she knew JJ wasn't giving up.
"Come on. Sarah, please." She finally gave in.
"She's at the hospital. She's not hurt. She's giving bone marrow."
"Thank you."
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JJ's mind raced as he sprinted through the hospital hallways. Who the fuck was Kie giving bone marrow to? Why would she agree? He gets to grips with the human stress response, what it is, when it is triggered, and what it does to the human in terms of brain health, body, and behavior - the world will remain as a pressure cooker with the gas stuck on high.
"JJ?" Kie spoke as he burst through the door. he didn't waste any time moving to her.
"You're giving bone marrow?"
"JJ! You need to leave."
"No. Make me." He knelt down taking her hand in his, Those rough hands were Kie's medication.
"You told me to back off," she unleashed. But she wasn't angry. She knew he didn't mean half the stuff he had said to her in the argument. She just wanted a reason for him to leave. She didn't want to burden him with this whole Marley thing as well as everything with his dad.
"You didn't tell me you were having a hole drilled in your damn hip." She bit her lip uncomfortably. "For who?" Kiara shut her eyes tight. She had to tell him.
"Marley. She's here. She's 8 months old and she's here at the hospital having a bone marrow transplant because she has leukemia."
Never before had JJ been speechless. He always had something to say. He's a chatterbox by nature, but at this moment he is completely dumbfounded.
"I know I should have told you. But I didn't want to worry you until I knew if I was a match."
"She's here. Our baby is here." JJ found himself dumb, in the sense that his words had stopped flowing, stopped because Kie had just told him something he never anticipated for a moment.
"And she's sick, Jayj."
"Have you seen her?" Kie shook her head.
"And they don't want us to. We signed away our rights, JJ."
"You're saving her life. The least they can do is let you see her."
"JJ. It's fine. I think it would be too hard anyway. Having to say goodbye all over again." If stress is coffee in a cup, and if the cup spills you are overwhelmed and sick, then it makes sense to put a lid on that cup. This is managing your life, choosing wisely what you can and can't cope with.
"I'm sorry, Kie," he expressed, taking his hand and placing it on her cheek, wiping her tears with his thumb. She leaned into him. There is a natural soothing quality to his eyes.
"I don't care. As long as she's safe, I don't care."