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July, 11 months ago
Kaiser eased the front doors open, quietly slipping into Ichinan high school after hours. His piano competition was in two weeks, and he’d landed in Japan just yesterday. The majority of his afternoon had been spent in front of his piano, seated in a spacious practice room that Noa, his teacher, had booked. Unfortunately, the walls always seemed to cramp in on themselves whenever he was within two meters of that old man.
After many long hours, several critiques, and deadpan jabs, Noa had announced they were done for the day and that Kaiser was free to explore the city. Jetlag made him crankier than usual after a session with Noa, so he’d opted for flashing him the middle finger through the window after stalking out of the practice room.
Going on a walk to blow off steam, he’d spotted a cat prowling along the gates of a nearby school. The cat had scrunched its nose at him as he tried to lure it closer, into his waiting hand outstretched for a pet. Eventually he’d given up, about to venture somewhere else, when he’d picked up the faint sounds of a drifting melody leaking from the school’s windows.
His two feet had led him to the entrance of the first floor and into the lobby, where he now searched for a stairwell. The music was wafting in from upstairs, the lilting, familiar notes triggering his muscle memory as his fingers twitched; as if he was the one playing the piano himself. It was the exact same piece he was playing for the first round of the competition. Franz Schubert's Impromptu Op. 90 No. 3 in G♭ Major.
Kaiser ascended the stairs with urgency, taking two at a time as he chased the source of the music. They’re good, he acknowledged. Skilled enough to perform for a massive audience. Reaching the top floor, he ghosted towards a room in the center of the hallway, where the sounds originated from. Sunlight spilled over the floor, painting his surroundings in a dreamy orange glow as he peered into the practice room.
A boy around his age, if not slightly younger, sat with his back facing Kaiser, entirely engrossed in the piano keys. He watched, entranced, as the boy’s hands flowed across the entire expanse of the keyboard.
One of the marks of a great pianist was the emotions they could coax out of their audience. How deeply they could feel the pieces, and translate the written notes into a story that lulled their listeners into a trance. Kaiser could feel himself leaning closer, drawn towards the boy like a magnet.
Someone with this level of skill and talent had to be competing internationally. As the music came to an end, the final chords echoing through the room, Kaiser let the question tumble out of his mouth.
“Are you playing in Shigeru Kawai at the end of the month?”
The boy jumped in his seat, nearly falling backwards at the sound of Kaiser’s voice. “Way to give me a fucking heart attack!” He spun around, finally revealing his face as he fixed Kaiser with a wary glare. “Ever heard of knocking?”
Kaiser blinked, taking a few moments to run his eyes over the stranger in front of him. Midnight blue hair, topped with a tiny sprout, framing the most squishable cheeks he’d seen in his life. He was caught off guard by the intensity of the eyes staring him down. They glowed a fierce azure, almost promising to burn him alive if he strayed too close.
Kaiser decided he would like that. Risking a step forward, a smirk curled over his lips as recognition flickered across the boy’s face. “Where would the fun be in that? You still haven’t answered my question.”
The briefest of eye rolls flashed under his dark bangs. “Yes, I am. You must be Michael Kaiser. I’ve seen your face on the competitors’ list.” He stuck a hand out, waiting for Kaiser to reciprocate. “I’m Isagi Yoichi, but just Isagi is fine.”
“Yoichi it is. How lovely to meet you.” Kaiser watched with delight as Isagi’s left eye twitched in irritation. His grin grew wider as he tightened his grip and tugged, yanking Isagi off-balance. Isagi barely caught himself in time, but not before he felt a hand snaking around his chin, tilting his face upwards.
He scowled at Kaiser, cursing the fact that he was taller than him. “Can you always be counted on to be this insufferable?”
Kaiser blew him a kiss, batting his lashes infuriatingly. “Aww, don’t be like that. How about we have a little mock competition tomorrow? I have a practice room we can use.”
“If it shuts you up, I’m in.” He’d only ever seen Kaiser play in videos, but his technique and stage presence had entire masses flocking to his concerts. There was surely something he could gain from observing Kaiser perform live. Isagi fished his phone out of his pocket, opening a new contact page.
Kaiser waggled his eyebrows as he accepted Isagi’s phone, adding his number in. “I can think of about a hundred other ways you could shut me up—”
“That’s enough, just text me the details later! One more look at your face and I’m going to explode.” Isagi snatched his phone back, storming past Kaiser and out the door as he snickered. Kaiser thought he’d never seen anything more endearing as he caught sight of Isagi’s flustered appearance, face bright red and embarrassed.
Kaiser popped his head out the door frame as Isagi sailed down the hallway. “What kind of exploding are we talking about here?”
His taunt was met with a middle finger, and Kaiser was left grinning like an idiot in the silent practice room.
🌹 🌹 🌹
Isagi waited at the doorstep of a local music center, fidgeting with the sheet music clasped between his fingers. Last night, he’d asked Kaiser for the pieces he was performing, hoping to review the compositions in advance. As it turned out, the two of them were playing the same piece for the first round.
He stared at the ink on the page, tracing over the crescendos and ties. Every pianist infused their own spin into their performances. What would Kaiser’s sound like compared to his? While Isagi listened and observed, he'd annotate the sheet music to thoroughly study Kaiser’s rendition.
A shadow fell over his shoulder as someone ruffled Isagi’s hair. “Look at you, all eager and early. Were you waiting long?”
Isagi didn’t need to glance back to see the self-satisfied smile Kaiser was wearing. He could practically hear it. “Not telling. Hurry up and lead the way, I didn’t come here to waste time.”
Kaiser snickered, biting back a quip as they entered the building, reaching the room he’d reserved. A grand piano sat untouched in the center, waiting to be brought to life.
Isagi couldn’t stop himself from staring as Kaiser tested its keys, playing a few scales to check the tuning. His fingers were impossibly graceful, lithe and agile from years of devoted practice.
He swallowed back the sudden urge to lace them with his own, or spend the rest of the day mapping out every millimeter of Kaiser’s hands. That wasn’t the goal of today’s practice session, Isagi reminded himself. Analyze, record, and understand what Kaiser was about to demonstrate on the piano. Opportunities to study your opponents up close outside of a competition didn’t come often.
Satisfied with the instrument, Kaiser stretched his wrists, humming softly. He turned to face Isagi, who sat expectantly, pencil and clipboard in hand.
“Why don’t you go first? I still need to prepare myself; get into the zone.”
Isagi frowned, setting his items aside. “What do you usually do for that?” He exchanged seats with Kaiser, flexing his fingers as he tested the pressure of the foot pedals.
Kaiser searched for the hairband tucked somewhere in his bag and tilted his head back, hair swishing as he secured it into a bun. “That’s a secret. Having a pretty face to stare at always helps, though.” He winked at Isagi, relishing in the flush that spread across the boy’s cheeks.
“Why did I even bother asking,” Isagi muttered, redirecting his focus to the piano. There were a few scores he wanted to practice today, from some of his favorite modern composers.
He lifted his hands to the keyboard, sensing a slight tremor running through them. Was it due to nerves? Impossible. Isagi was no stranger to audiences, practically growing up in bright-lit concert venues, surrounded by hordes of people. Orchestra and audience members alike all faded into the background when he performed. The fact that his only spectator right now was another piano prodigy, blessed with a face angelic enough to grace billboards worldwide—that was entirely irrelevant.
Isagi inhaled deeply, willing his heartbeat to simmer down. “I’ll play my free choice pieces, since you already heard my impromptu yesterday.” He took some time to warm up with scales, chords, and trills. Once Isagi felt sufficiently relaxed, his headspace clear and at ease, he began.
Kaiser sat back in his chair, listening and sifting through key signatures in his mind. Isagi was currently playing in F minor. A calming, shifting melody that was easy to follow, with the tempo gradually increasing in the middle.
When Isagi reached the end, Kaiser expected him to pause so he could deliver feedback. Isagi did nothing of the sort, instead launching directly into the next score. As if under a spell, he jacked the tempo up, hands flying across the keys to bring forth the oscillating melody.
Kaiser's eyebrows shot up in surprise. To segue so seamlessly into such a drastically different rhythm required intense skill. What genre was this? He’d heard the term before somewhere. Neoclassical, he recalled, almost hypnotized by Isagi’s performance.
It was evident that Isagi took piano very seriously, with a burning passion. Kaiser could feel him pouring his soul into the notes, his fingers running marathons across the keys. Somehow he made it appear as natural as breathing. The effortless illusion hiding countless hours of blood, sweat, and tears; the sheer dedication to his craft. If Isagi’s heart was unfurled, its red petals coaxed back to reveal the inside, one would sense the flowing melody of his soul ringing out in response.
Many people could play the piano. To press the keys and sound them was one thing. But to tell a story, to weave a glittering masterpiece of interlocking melodies and harmonies through one’s pacing, dynamics, and personal nuance—that was a skill unlocked and earned only through pouring years of oneself into the instrument itself.
Kaiser had only heard Isagi’s rendition of this piece, but it was all he would ever need. He’d already decided it was his favourite. The rising and dipping top notes dancing underneath Isagi’s fingers had him utterly entranced. If asked to describe the music, Kaiser would say it felt like a river washing over him, pooling into and caressing the contours of his soul.
He could feel his pulse thrumming rapidly at his wrists as he balanced on the edge of his seat. Kaiser had come out today to scope out the competition, instill a friendly rivalry with Isagi and toy with him a little. Piece together elements of Isagi’s techniques into a formula he could solve and conquer.
This is bad, he told himself. Kaiser realized he’d fallen in love instead.
🌹 🌹 🌹
August, 10 months ago
Kaiser and Isagi stood side by side, each wielding a trophy as they posed for the cameras. Isagi beamed, raising the first place certificate higher as he elbowed Kaiser. He swiftly dodged the not-so-subtle kick aimed back at him.
“I’ll be taking first place next time,” Kaiser promised resolutely. The two of them were led off stage, disappearing from the audience’s view in a smattering of applause.
“I’m sure you’ll try.” Isagi wouldn’t make it easy for Kaiser.
The finalists’ lounge emerged into view, a plush couch sitting in the center of the room that Isagi couldn’t wait to sink into. As soon as he set his trophy down, he felt insistent hands settling onto his waist, demanding his attention.
“Yoichi.” There was an undertone of yearning blooming in Kaiser’s voice, softening the vowels of his name. Something within Isagi’s heart fluttered at the tenderness, and he realized he’d never get tired of hearing Kaiser saying his name. Whispering it with such gentleness and care that if a sea breeze were to whirl by, every letter of “Yoichi” would float alongside it.
Isagi’s vision suddenly tilted, colours and lights melting into one another as he now found himself blinking at the ceiling, flat on his back against the couch. He blinked once more, and Kaiser’s hair was tickling his face, a golden haze sweeping the edges of his cheeks.
When Isagi shifted his gaze and locked eyes with Kaiser, the embers that coursed between them could have set the world alight with desire. He watched, lips slightly parted, as Kaiser dipped closer, his breath sparking inklings of lust into the sensitive skin of Isagi’s throat.
“There’s one more prize waiting for you, Yoichi. Come here.”
Kaiser smirked as two impatient hands twisted into his hair, tugging hard. Isagi’s hunger insisted on swallowing him whole, and he allowed it.
He’d always had a soft spot for spoiling Isagi, after all.
🌹 🌹 🌹
May, present time
An unsettling ache crept along Isagi’s wrists as he practiced piano, hands sweeping across the keys. For the past several months, he’d dedicated hours upon hours of daily practice in preparation for his upcoming competition. Isagi would situate himself in the practice room at 6 o’clock in the morning and suddenly it would be noon.
Kaiser would pop in frequently, reminding him to drink water and stretch his limbs, before barging in to drag him out for lunch. “Yoichi,” he’d huff, “it’s important to give your body a rest, especially at our level.”
Isagi didn’t want to hear any of it. He had a reputation to maintain, and Kaiser wasn’t going to be walking away with first place. After Isagi’s victory at SKIPC, Kaiser convinced Noa to extend their stay in Japan, so that the two of them could train together.
Kaiser was overjoyed to spend time with Isagi on a daily basis. On days off, they could be seen together every waking hour. It didn’t matter if they were eating in a fancy restaurant or enjoying a simple picnic; any amount of time with him was precious to Kaiser.
However, seeing Isagi train so excessively was beginning to worry him. The human body could only handle so much at a time; an unfortunate fact he knew from personal experience.
A week later, the pain became too persistent to ignore, wracking Isagi’s joints with stiffness and chaining his movement. One visit to the doctor revealed Isagi had acquired tendinosis. He was immediately ordered to withdraw from the competition and cease all forms of playing piano.
News of Isagi’s withdrawal spread like wildfire. The following morning, Isagi was slapped with hundreds of articles bashing his decision. Unhappy fans that had purchased tickets months in advance took to social media to vent their frustrations. He became fixated on a particularly scathing news article, containing screenshots of trending tweets.
Anger simmered through him as he scrolled down the page, parsing through the excessive criticism. None of them knew how much he’d pushed himself for this competition, and here they were, hurling insults. His breakfast sat untouched, tea cooling down as he dived further down the rabbit hole.
Kaiser sleepily shuffled out of their bedroom, rubbing his eyes as he entered the kitchen. “Good morning, Yoichi. Did you sleep well?”
Ice cold silence greeted him. After a few moments, the sounds of furious typing from Isagi’s phone filled the room. Kaiser tiptoed over, peering over Isagi’s shoulder as he shot off rapid fire texts to his friends, relaying the results of his media browsing.
He quietly scanned the screen, regret and understanding trickling in. Last night Isagi had been inconsolable, heartbroken and furious at being forced to withdraw. After going for a brisk walk and shoving dinner down his throat, he’d screamed into his pillow over and over again.
Tears had followed shortly after. Kaiser had been unsure of what to say in such a situation. I should have warned him more. He’d inwardly scolded himself as he rubbed soothing circles down Isagi’s back, until his boyfriend’s eyes were thoroughly cried out.
When Isagi had fallen asleep, his sniffles momentarily forgotten, Kaiser laid deep in thought for a long, long time.
“Yoichi, none of those idiots know what they’re talking about. Their remarks aren’t worth your energy.”
Isagi sighed sharply, dragging his hands over his face. “I know. But my reputation is in flames right now, and their jabs are only fueling the problem.” He fought to tear his eyes away from his phone, wearily poking at his breakfast as Kaiser sat across from him. "It feels like all of my hard work and efforts have gone down the drain."
Kaiser took a slow sip of coffee, carefully piecing together his next words. “I could withdraw from the competition as well.” The suggestion rolled off his tongue casually, as if discussing where to go for dinner.
Isagi’s stare of disbelief prompted him to elaborate further. “It won’t be as meaningful to me if I win and you’re not there. I promised to crush you, after all.”
“Why would you even think of doing something like that?”
Kaiser tilted his head, fixing Isagi with a gentle smile. “Why wouldn’t I? You’re the only person I’d do this for.” As he set his mug down, the morning light glinted off the ring on his finger. A matching band wrapped around Isagi’s, two promise rings shared between the pair.
Isagi fixated on the gleaming metal, memories flooding into his mind. The jewelry suddenly felt suffocating on his finger, and an ache squeezed his heart as he stared at their rings. “Don’t say things like that, Mihya.” He dropped his head, voice strained.
“What are you talking about? Yoichi, look at me.”
Kaiser’s tattooed hand slipped into view, reaching for his left hand. The sight of their rings side by side had him yanking his arm back. In the back of his mind, a stray tweet he’d seen on that news article rose unbidden, taunting him.
Something within him crumbled as he stared at Kaiser, who gazed right back at him with concern. Everything was overwhelming him. The abrupt loss of piano, his lifeblood, paired with the backlash prying into his professional and now personal life—it all had Isagi sinking into the hurricane of chaos.
“What I’m saying,” Isagi hissed, “is don’t go spouting shit like that. As if we mean something to each other! I can’t believe you’d throw away your spot in this competition over something so insignificant.”
Kaiser had gone very still. Completely motionless, crystallized in shock. “I don’t mean anything to you?”
"Sometimes I wonder if you just took an interest in me because of my status. Did you only pursue me because of that, Kaiser?"
That was a low blow, and they both knew it. Yet Isagi couldn’t find it within himself to hold those words back. Seeing that tweet had planted something viciously uncertain within him, brimming with self-doubt, and it had clawed its way out.
Isagi hadn't used Kaiser's last name in months. That single act drove an invisible distance between them, shoving a stake within his heart. "I don't think you're being entirely honest with yourself, Yoichi. Have you forgotten our promises to each other?”
"I never asked for any promises," Isagi retorted. But he had. Months ago, in that twilight-kissed memory; the two of them entangled in the sheets, hands laced into each other's. And now he was shattering that bond.
Kaiser stiffened, hurt seeping into his eyes. He gestured to the matching rings resting on their hands. "What do these represent, then?"
Isagi's eyes narrowed, and he kept his posture knife-sharp, hands clenched into fists. There was nothing else he had to say.
The usual warm hue of Isagi's eyes had iced over; a summer lake crystallizing into glacial blue. There was something wrong with the air in the room, Kaiser thought. His breaths escaped him in tight exhales as he tried to make sense of the situation. The events of the last few minutes circled through his mind as he painstakingly sifted through them. It had been a mistake to suggest dropping out of the competition, or even entertain the idea. Clearly, that had set something off within Isagi.
One moment passed as he blinked away his shock. In the next, all he saw was the back of Isagi’s sweater as he escaped the room, disappearing down the stairs.
Isagi grabbed his keys and flew out the front door, but not before yanking his ring off and slamming it onto the stairwell bannister.
🌹 🌹 🌹
August, 10 months ago
Isagi and Kaiser sat in a private balcony, drinking in the warm summer air draped over their skin. After leaving the competition venue, they’d ventured out for dinner, Kaiser following amusedly as Isagi tugged him across the city. His hand never left Kaiser’s. Even now, as the two of them sat across each other, Isagi insisted on intertwining their fingers.
It was downright adorable. Kaiser had to suppress a smile as he leaned closer, listening to a story Isagi was telling about the previous time he’d eaten here. Something about a friend named Bachira, who’d chowed down on his spaghetti with such enthusiasm that his face was drenched in sauce afterwards.
Somehow Isagi could sense that something else was on Kaiser’s mind. “Mihya, are you listening to me?” His face set in a pout, he reached forward, slipping his other hand through Kaiser's hair. The longer ends of his fringe hooked around Isagi’s slender fingers as he pulled him closer.
For several stretched out seconds, the tips of their noses touched as they gazed into each other’s eyes. Kaiser exhaled softly, warmth flooding his heart. “I always am. I’m just thinking about you.”
Isagi blushed fiercely at that. “I’m right here, you know.” I’ll always be here for you.
🌹 🌹 🌹
Kaiser walked Isagi home later that night, pausing at the front door, not wanting to leave. The two of them stole a kiss under the moonlight. A chaste, innocent kiss, imbued with longing and hope.
“Will I see you again?” Isagi knew that Kaiser had only come to Japan to compete. He wasn’t sure how much longer they had. Within the brief time they’d spent together, somehow Kaiser had managed to dive into Isagi’s heart, where it now lay cradled within his palms. If he left now, Isagi felt like his entire being would unravel.
Kaiser tucked a stray strand of hair behind Isagi’s ear, letting his hand linger as Isagi leaned into his touch. “I’ll work something out, I promise.” He’d find a way to convince Noa to extend his stay.
The two of them parted ways after leaving a string of kisses between their lips, fire burning in their wake.
🌹 🌹 🌹
October, 8 months ago
Fall had blanketed the city, coaxing leaves from their crowded homes amongst the tree branches. They crinkled underfoot as Isagi and Kaiser strolled through the neighborhood. At the end of the street, a cozy cart selling roasted sweet potatoes caught Isagi’s eye.
“You have to try your first roasted sweet potato! We’ll take two, please.” Isagi handed some money to the vendor, a kind-looking auntie standing behind a sign that read “焼き芋.”
After carefully receiving the piping hot food, Isagi led them to a nearby bench. The sweet potato split easily between his hands, steam rising from the middle, and he offered it to Kaiser, who thanked him.
“Have a tiny bite first.” Isagi watched as Kaiser delicately munched on the treat. When he was certain Kaiser wouldn’t burn himself, he began eating his own, letting the comforting aroma waft over his senses.
Once Kaiser had finished his sweet potato, he tipped his head back to stare at the drifting leaves. Ever since he’d met Isagi, his universe began falling into place. It was almost as if the two of them were—
“Yoichi.” His name was followed by a kiss Kaiser pressed to his head. “Do you believe in soulmates?”
A thoughtful smile graced Isagi’s expression. “I didn’t when I was younger. The environment was too cutthroat to focus on anything besides winning.”
“And now?” There was a slight hesitancy in Kaiser’s throat as he awaited an answer. He could see Isagi’s eyes, a bright azure reflecting the sky, and they shone with clarity. There was zero hesitation within his gaze as he glanced at Kaiser, an affectionate smile on his lips.
Isagi leaned sideways and rested his head on Kaiser’s shoulder. “But now, with you I do.”
Their pillows and bedsheets were the only witnesses to the promises they seared into each other’s bodies that night.
🌹 🌹 🌹
March, 2 months ago
The ocean waves swayed, swallowing the spring sunset as it painted the atmosphere pink and orange. Two sets of footsteps decorated the damp sand as Isagi trailed behind Kaiser, watching the seagulls above.
He found himself bumping into Kaiser’s back, not realizing he’d stopped walking. In the hazy light Kaiser resembled an angel, the golden halo of his hair fluttering gently in the ocean breeze.
A protective hand rested on his lower back, and Isagi found himself being guided away from the water and towards drier sand. Eventually, Kaiser pulled back and grasped both of Isagi’s hands instead.
Kaiser’s touch was so very tender. He could feel himself shaking slightly as scanned Isagi’s face, summoning courage into his limbs. Two promise rings sat tucked away in a velvet box, hidden within his coat pocket.
“Yoichi, would you like to go somewhere with me?”
Isagi laughed, a bright, joyful sound that rang across the ocean, skipping across the surface of the waves. “Anywhere. I’d follow you to the ends of the earth, across the horizons of heaven with you.”
He leaned closer, gazing upwards into Kaiser’s sky-blue eyes. “I’d fall off the edge of the universe for you, Mihya.” The moment he declared that, tears began pooling in Kaiser’s eyes. His blonde eyelashes curved around the rays of sunset, flecked with gold as they kissed his cheekbones.
“Do you promise?”
“I promise.”
🌹 🌹 🌹
May, present time
That was the first time Isagi had ever seen Kaiser get on his knees for him.
The crystal cut reflection of that final memory winked at him, teetering precariously on the edge of a precipice. A snow globe, encompassing the world of promises they'd whispered to each other.
It fell and shattered. Isagi wasn't going to pick up the broken pieces.
Stupid, stupid Mihya. Why did he offer up his spot in the competition? So earnestly and willingly. Isagi stared at the piano keys in front of him, the shades of ivory and midnight mixing into grey with the tears welling in his eyes. Somehow his feet had taken him to his favourite practice room, where he now sat in front of the sleeping instrument.
The keys beckoned to him, luring him in like a siren. He swallowed thickly, willing back his tears, and began playing. His wrists would suffer the consequences later, but all he cared about right now was emptying his mind.
As the music blended together, Isagi pictured the scattered glass of their world. The shards of memories cascaded in a sharp stream through his mind, rushing through him like the melodies resonating from the keys.
Their first meeting in this very room; the mock competition they’d held after. Isagi shyly introducing Kaiser to his parents, who had spoiled the two of them with countless blessings. The flood of nights and days that had blurred together as they became lost in each other’s presence.
Isagi recalled that evening on the beach, where Kaiser had adorned both their hands with rings. The commitments they signified were lifelong, ones meant for fated partners. Isagi hadn’t thought twice before sealing that bond with Kaiser. It wasn’t a promise steeped in manipulation, or forced upon him. He’d chosen it himself, because it had felt right to him at the time.
A part of it still did.
Isagi remained rooted to the piano, adrift in memories as he allowed himself to be swallowed whole by the music.
🌹 🌹 🌹
Kaiser paced the kitchen, a gradual build of anxiety fraying his nerves. More than three hours had passed and Isagi had yet to text him. He scanned his screen for any signs of messages, but the chat with his boyfriend remained untouched on the other end.
He’s going to come back, Kaiser told himself, as he created new indentations on their hardwood flooring. The doorbell rang, shocking him out of his thoughts, and he descended the stairs, nearly flying down in his hurry.
He yanked the door open, prepared to envelop Isagi in his arms. Maybe apologize a few hundred more times, even though he felt like he wasn't the one at fault. “Yoichi, you had me worried sick—”
A mailman stared back at him, blinking blankly. “...Package for Isagi Yoichi?”
Disappointment and worry washed over Kaiser anew. Where was Isagi? He cleared his throat, recovering his composure, and signed the package delivery slip. The mailman thanked him and left, but not before shooting him another quizzical look as he headed towards the main lobby.
Sighing, he placed the package next to the bottom of the stairs. Isagi could open it when he got home. Whenever that would be. A sinister twinkle gleamed at Kaiser as he turned to make his way back upstairs.
The blood in his veins ran cold. Isagi’s ring sat on the bannister, leering at him. Is Yoichi calling things off? The thought froze over in his mind, and Kaiser trembled, seized by fear.
He jammed on a pair of shoes, slipped on a jacket and grabbed another for Isagi, then ran out the door.
🌹 🌹 🌹
The sun had started its dance along the horizon by the time Isagi left the practice room. Playing had lightened his mood and breathed life into his blood again. His wrists were killing him, though. It didn’t take a genius to recognize why his doctor had ordered him to stop playing.
He couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt as he checked his phone, scrolling through the notifications from Kaiser. At 8:30pm, the tally was at 7 unread messages, 23 missed calls. The screen lit up at the same instance he opened their chat, flashing momentarily with Kaiser's smiling profile photo.
The call went unanswered. Isagi tucked his phone back into his pocket as he reflected some more. Throughout the past months as he’d tested his limits, practicing until his hands shook, Kaiser had been trying to protect him. He’d been right all along, always keeping Isagi's best interests in heart. Don’t push your luck with your body, Yoichi. It’s better to rest now than be unable to play at all, he’d say.
Isagi had repaid Kaiser’s love and care by questioning his loyalty to him.
I don't deserve him. Isagi tamped down the frustration coiling in his gut, entirely directed at himself for being so stubborn for so long.
The thought of Kaiser waiting alone at home, anxiously wondering where he'd disappeared to, brought a fresh wave of guilt into Isagi's heart. His nails pricked his palms as he tensed, unease expanding through his limbs. They'd get over this hurdle. Nothing a little talk couldn't solve, like they'd always done with any disagreement in the past.
Isagi reached for his ring to spin around his finger, a habit he'd developed for soothing away stress.
His right hand ghosted bare skin, lacking any jewelry. Where is it? Panic chipped at his composure before he remembered he'd removed it at home.
Isagi would return to their apartment, recover his ring, and they'd have their chat. Smooth things over, and then he'd kiss Kaiser until the sun came up.
A thought that'd never occurred to him before had Isagi halting in his tracks. Kaiser might have seen Isagi's abandoned ring as a sign to break up. No. No, Mihya wouldn't jump to conclusions like that. He couldn't.
Isagi's field of view tunneled as his mind went into catastrophe. A trip to the jeweler's to return their rings; dozens of moving boxes stacked along their apartment. A cold, final goodbye as he stared into Kaiser’s eyes for the last time, their brilliant blue shuttered close, devoid of emotion. Never to see him again.
Isagi hiccuped, sensing a waterfall of tears threatening to burst over. Calm down, calm down, he urged himself. Just go home first. Mihya is waiting for you.
He couldn’t even be certain of that. The sudden thought of returning to an empty home was unbearable, stabbing a fresh blade of pain through his heart.
His feet guided him to an empty bench facing the sea. Isagi pulled his legs towards his chest, tucking his chin between his knees as he hugged himself. It didn't take long for his clothes to become stained with his tears.
He was chilled to the bone as the evening wind rustled past him. Regretfully, he'd forgotten to grab a jacket in his haste to leave their apartment earlier. Isagi tugged his phone out again, searching for his photo album of Kaiser and himself. His fingers found the treasure trove of pictures, and he took his time sifting through them. What usually brought him comfort somehow made him feel even worse, reminding him of what was at stake if things didn't work out.
Breathe in, breathe out. The grounding technique worked for a few minutes, stalling his tears and smoothing the jagged edges of his heartbeat. But eventually, Isagi buried his face into his hands and cried his soul out.
🌹 🌹 🌹
Kaiser rushed along the streets, weaving through foot traffic and impatiently waiting at pedestrian crosswalks. Isagi couldn't have gone far. Knowing how much he loved solo walks, Isagi usually stayed within a 20 minute walking distance of their home, picking out a nearby establishment to wander.
Along the edge of the sea, a familiar-looking sprout peeked out at him, sitting atop Isagi's curled up form. Yoichi! Relief crashed over Kaiser in a surge of lightning. He bolted towards the bench, slowing when he noticed Isagi's sobbing and trembling shoulders.
"Yoichi?"
At the sound of his name, Isagi startled. He turned around slowly, keeping his hands glued to the lower half of his face. Two tear-soaked eyes stared back at Kaiser.
"Mihya, I—I," Isagi's lower lip quivered as he teetered on the surface of an unspoken thought.
Isagi couldn't help himself from searching for the ring on Kaiser's hand. His gaze landed on his finger, noticing the golden sheen of metal still present. Something within his chest loosened, unwinding the stress coiled around him.
Kaiser knelt before him, wiping away the tears on his cheeks. His eyes were so soft, a forgiving, soothing blue. “Let’s go home, love.”
Isagi allowed himself to be lifted up, and Kaiser settled his jacket around his shoulders as they walked home, the wind on their backs.
🌹 🌹 🌹
When they arrived home, Kaiser carried Isagi to the living room couch. He disappeared into their bedroom to haul out a few blankets and pillows, the fluffy ones that Isagi liked best.
“I’m not cold anymore, I’m fine,” Isagi insisted as Kaiser shushed him. He spent a few minutes fussing over Isagi, tucking him in until he was snug beneath the blankets.
“Hang tight, dinner will be ready soon.” Kaiser disappeared with a forehead kiss that made Isagi want to cry all over again.
He was summoned to the kitchen shortly after. Throughout dinner, Isagi was subdued, poking at his food with a despondency Kaiser didn't fully comprehend. Well, he'd give him some time and space. For now, all that mattered was that his precious Yoichi was back in their home.
Isagi’s words from earlier still pricked at his heart, but Kaiser understood how much pressure he was under. He'd experienced something similar a few years back with overexertion, which was why he’d been so adamant about Isagi monitoring his health.
After dinner, the two of them cleaned the dishes together, Kaiser laying a kiss atop Isagi's head as he dried the sparkling utensils. When Isagi poked him in his side, all Kaiser did was laugh, gazing fondly into his eyes with a depth of affection only reserved for a precious lover.
The loving expression wrapped a vice-grip around Isagi's throat. Kaiser shouldn't have been looking at him like that.
🌹 🌹 🌹
Isagi felt so utterly numb as they laid in bed that night. Kaiser's arm was curled around his waist, but it didn't bring him the comfort it usually did. Instead, it felt like a weighted blanket of guilt. Soul-crushing guilt.
He watched as Kaiser carefully examined his wrists, running patient fingers along the places where he was most sore and gently massaging them. Even now, after Isagi had thrown all caution to the wind and aggravated his injury, Kaiser insisted on helping him. Ever devoted and loving, eternally committed to Isagi.
Mihya deserves better. How long had he spent trying to help Isagi take care of himself? Surely the right person wouldn't send Kaiser in circles like he'd done.
Breaking up would be painful. But it would be more selfish to remain in their relationship and tie Kaiser down. He wanted Kaiser to experience happiness; Isagi’s own was irrelevant. His beloved deserved someone who could grant him that fulfillment.
The thought of Kaiser holding someone else close, in the same position the two of them were entangled in now, sent a bitter jolt through him. As if sensing Isagi's sudden stiffness, Kaiser lifted his head, peering right into his soul.
"Yoichi? Are you feeling alright?" Concern was written all over Kaiser's face, his eyes a searching spotlight, worried sick. “Maybe the cold from earlier is making you unwell.” He pressed a warm hand against Isagi’s forehead, testing his temperature.
Isagi nodded, ignoring the feeling of hollowness roiling in his stomach. He never knew emptiness could carry such a heavy weight, until his entire being was consumed by it. Divulging what was truly on his mind would simply induce another round of sobbing.
“I’m okay, I don’t have a fever.” Isagi resisted the urge to reach for Kaiser’s hand again as he removed it, satisfied with his temperature.
Kaiser smiled softly, a golden drop of honey caressing Isagi's throbbing heartache. "You're my entire world, Yoichi. My love, my soulmate."
That person isn't me. Isagi tried to tear the words out of his throat and nearly choked on them. In the end, he left the sentence hanging on the tip of his tongue.
🌹 🌹 🌹
Something was wrong. Isagi hadn't spoken a word about their argument over the past few days. Whenever Kaiser brought it up, attempting to apologize and hold him close, Isagi would freeze up and start sniffling, adamantly shaking his head.
Eventually Isagi caved. One Saturday afternoon, as the two of them laid sprawled over the couch, he turned to Kaiser.
“Can we talk?” Uncertainty was scattered all over Isagi’s face as he fidgeted with the ring on his finger. Kaiser nodded, waiting for Isagi to speak when he was ready. He watched as the drifting rays of sun illuminated the picture frames sitting on their shelves. Snapshots of him and Isagi lived there, memories eternalized within the glass.
“I…I’m sorry. For ever doubting you and your love for me. And…” Isagi paused, looking down at his hands as Kaiser’s brows furrowed in worry. Panic set in as he noticed Isagi tugging the ring off his finger.
“If you want to call things off, I understand. Someone like me doesn't deserve a soulmate as devoted as you. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that.” He sniffled, tenderly grasping Kaiser’s hand in his own as he returned the ring to him. “Just make sure to send me a wedding invitation when you find your real soulmate, alright?”
Isagi's shoulders sagged as he finally voiced those words, their weight bruising his soul. He'd cast himself into this desolate abyss, suspended alone in the devastatingly hollow emptiness. At least Kaiser wouldn’t be burdened by him anymore.
Isagi couldn't see Kaiser clearly anymore. The tears flooding his eyes diffracted light at odd angles, painting his beloved in a watery image. Kaiser's golden hair, illuminated by the streaming sun, cast his figure in a divine aura that diffused at the edges. Always the ever present celestial being, guiding him, protecting him.
Kaiser reached a cautious hand forward to brush his tears away, but Isagi pulled back, widening the distance between them. He could feel the pressure of Isagi curling his fingers over the abandoned ring, willing Kaiser to accept it.
Kaiser was still in the midst of processing Isagi's words. He felt like he was wading through a sea of glass, each piece carrying a memory of every moment he'd spent with Isagi. In a futile attempt, he scooped up handful after handful, stuffing them into his pockets, cradling them close to his heart. Anything to preserve the love and memories imbued within them.
It was pointless. What once had been rounded seaglass, smoothed over by love, was now jagged instead, sharp and unforgiving. The shards pierced his skin as Isagi's words finally registered, and the memories induced pain instead of warmth.
Isagi began to stand up. Kaiser remained frozen as Isagi’s fingers, graceful and slender—the ones that played such hypnotically beautiful notes and had held him tight countless nights—started to slip away. As if he was watching a film reel in slow motion, Isagi’s hand finally let go.
Isagi hesitated, observing how Kaiser was rapidly blinking, his lower lip quivering. He had to leave, now. If Kaiser began crying, Isagi would be a goner.
“I love you. I’m sorry.” He bent down swiftly, placing one final, lingering kiss on Kaiser’s forehead, to make up for all the words he couldn’t squeeze out. Isagi turned to leave, his throat tightening with suppressed sobs. I wish I’d done things differently. I wish I’d cherished you more. I wish, I wish, I wish—
Kaiser took a deep breath, shakily clearing his throat. “You won’t need a wedding invitation.” In his peripheral vision, Isagi paused by the stairwell, seemingly miles away.
"There is no one else. No one else but you." Kaiser closed the distance in an instant, tugging Isagi close, cradling him within his arms. “Do you think I could ever give up on you? On us?” The first tear streaked down Kaiser’s cheek, dampening Isagi’s sprout. His pulse was spiking wildly, suffocated by the fear of watching Isagi disappear from his sight again.
Isagi’s resolve faltered, and he trembled within Kaiser’s embrace, feeling tears rolling over his hair. He risked a glance upwards, willing himself to stay calm. Kaiser’s eyes were focused solely on him, bright and shining as he caught Isagi’s gaze. There was so much love in his eyes that it overflowed in rivers, kissing Isagi's skin.
At this point, Isagi was at serious risk of flooding their apartment with tears. I can’t say it, he cried internally. Let go. Please. Isagi tore his eyes away and tried to slip out, but Kaiser only hugged him tighter.
Kaiser could sense Isagi was fighting with himself, trapped in his thoughts. “Talk to me, Yoichi," he whispered, brushing a strand of Isagi's hair back, tucking it behind his ear.
The dam burst open. Isagi bawled, shaking his head as Kaiser smoothed a soothing hand over his back. "I said things that I never should've said. I hurt you, Mihya. You have to let me go."
Kaiser smiled, a forgiving, softhearted gesture that glowed against the ache in Isagi’s heart. "We don't always mean what we say. To be human is to be fallible, Yoichi.” He pressed his cheek into the curve of Isagi’s shoulder, absorbing the rapid pace of Isagi’s heartbeat. “Losing you forever would hurt me more. I could never let you go."
Seconds dipped into minutes as he sank into Isagi’s presence, feeling his back dampen from Isagi's tears. Kaiser's heart squeezed, constricting with distress. Isagi had always carried a tendency to torment himself over any sort of mistake.
“When I first met you, I thought you were exceptional. A competitor I was eager to challenge.” The orange tint of that first afternoon bloomed like a sunrise in Kaiser’s mind, Isagi’s back to him as he peered in on his practice session. “Yet as the days ebbed into weeks, with more and more of my time spent with you, I realized I couldn’t look away from you even if I tried.”
His fingers caressed Isagi’s hair as he sifted through the memories, wondering when he’d fallen so hard. Kaiser searched for an answer, but it eluded him. The love he’d nurtured for Isagi had swelled so suddenly until it stood in front of him, a tsunami impossible to ignore.
On that spring evening, standing in the sand with those rings tucked into his coat, he’d let it crash over him. Consuming his entire being, pooling like molten fire in his soul.
“And suddenly it was all about you. Everything was for you.” Kaiser leaned back, carefully brushing the tears from Isagi’s cheeks.
Isagi sniffled, peering upwards into Kaiser’s eyes. The depth and clarity of Kaiser’s love was endless, and he wanted to swim in it forever. An eternal ocean, bound by nothing, but belonging entirely to him.
“To love and be loved, Yoichi. My heart and soul will always live within you."
“Forever?”
“Forever.”
🌹 🌹 🌹
May, one year later
“Mihya, we’re going to be late.” Isagi peeked his head into the bathroom, observing as Kaiser pinned his hair back into a bun. The two of them wore matching suits, and a chauffeur sat waiting outside their apartment.
“I have to look polished for our dinner date, you know. Why the fancy occasion all of a sudden?” Kaiser added a quick spritz of hairspray, patting the sides of his head down before taking Isagi’s outstretched hand.
A coy smile curled over Isagi’s face. “Oh, who knows?” He led Kaiser down to the car, sliding in after him.
Unbeknownst to Kaiser, an engagement ring was hidden snugly in Isagi’s pocket, twinkling with the glow of his love.