Chapter Text
Master Splinter had taught him that meditation brought peace. It allowed a person to discover the reasons behind things that happened to them and showed the best path forward. Practiced properly, meditation brought balance to the soul and clarity to the mind.
So Leon wondered what exactly he was doing wrong because he hadn’t felt any clarity or balance or peace in a long time. The more he sought them, the further away they seemed, in fact.
Every new development that happened to him and his brothers only made him spin even more. Master Splinter must be so disappointed in how he had led them so far. Leon knew he should be doing better, and the whole multiverse thing proved that he could be doing better if only he was better. It was on him that his family was drifting apart. He was the oldest, he was in charge — why couldn’t he fix everything?
Leonardo had managed to, after all. He always seemed to have everything under control. Everything was just so perfect for him. He hadn’t let his father die. His brothers were still brothers. And Leo? Leon still couldn’t figure out the red-eared slider. Why was everything a joke to him? And how hadn’t that come back to bite him?
It didn’t matter, though. All he wanted to know was how they could be so fine. After day in and day out of almost losing their brothers again and again and again because one stupid decision was all it took for the world — or his at any rate — to end and —
And he needed to calm down. Breath. Find his center again. He needed peace right now, to let everything wash over him. Of course, at that moment, there was a knock at the door. He waited to see if the person would go away. The knock was louder the second time.
Leon opened his eyes regretfully. “Come in.”
“You need to ventilate this place or something,” Leo said, leaning against the door frame. “I know you like incense and everything, but this is a lot.”
“What’s the matter?” he asked, getting to his feet stiffly. His knee was aching today, pain lancing up and down his leg.
“Michel made something for the three of us,” Leo said. “And I know you like to meditate and don’t like being interrupted, but my baby brother is super excited to show us this, so please do your best to pretend to be thankful.”
He couldn’t understand why Leo didn’t seem to like him. The other Leonardo seemed to have some kind of grudge against him, but Leon had been as polite as Splinter had raised him to be. He had done nothing to the red-eared slider.
Leon nodded. “I can do that.”
Leo rolled his eyes and walked back to the center of the lair, where Michel was waiting with Fanta and Angelo. Everything about Michel screamed excited; Leon resigned himself to an interesting afternoon.
Michel clapped his hands. “So. What are some things that the Leonardos have in common?”
“Katanas?” offered Fanta. “Being a dork about sci-fi shows.”
“Blue,” Angelo said. “And liking tea.”
“They also share a shell scar,” Michel pointed out.
Leon’s hand moved to the odd smoothness of the crack on his own shell. Wherever this was going, he didn’t like the sound of it.
Michel picked up a folder. “So I made you guys this to put over the scar!”
He flipped it open and took out a cyan, lightning-shaped sticker with two katanas drawn in navy blue ink pointing downwards. “You guys can match in style! What do you think?”
“Angelo, can you help me put mine on my shell?” Leonardo asked, getting up from the couch.
“Omigosh, I’m so glad you like it!” Michel said, handing the first sticker to Angelo.
"They look awesome, Michel," Leo said, elbowing Leon.
“Please put mine on as well, Fanta," Leon said.
Michel beamed, bouncing a little, as he pressed a sticker on his brother’s shell. “They should last a long time, and when they start to fade and stuff, I can make new designs too! I just picked lightning and blue because of Leo’s ninpo.”
Fanta pressed the sticker onto the scar, pressing hard on it for a minute. Then he snapped a photo, showing it to him. “You’re so cool now, Leon!”
Leon stared at it. He didn’t know exactly how he felt about the neon blue sticker. The scar had been part of him for such a long time; it was a little jarring to see it covered up by something so bright. It drew even more attention to the fact that his shell had cracked.
“Thank you, Michel,” he said quickly because Leo had pointy elbows and looked like he was about to elbow him in the ribs again. “I want some tea. Does anyone else want some?”
“Sure,” Leo said. “Didn’t sleep at all last night. Could use the caffeine.”
“I’ll come,” Leonardo added quickly after Leo shot him a look.
Something was going on, and Leon did not appreciate that. They were being too obvious that they wanted to join him. He entered the kitchen, turned on the kettle, and looked through his tea stash. Leonardo sat down at the table while Leon leaned against the kitchen entrance. No one said anything as he spent too long deciding what type of tea he wanted.
Finally, “Be glad we aren’t doing this the Michelangelo way. Want to sit down?”
Leon closed the door to the cabinet and sat down at the table. “And that means what?”
“The last intervention the Michelangelos staged involved kidnapping CJ and an all-day road trip,” Leonardo explained. “They would’ve gone across the entire country if Leo and I hadn’t talked.”
“I personally voted for another road trip,” Leo said. “So when you got too angsty and annoying, we could’ve left in a Walmart parking lot in New Jersey or something.”
“Leo,” Leonardo said. He sounded tired.
“So that’s what we’re doing — talking?” Leon asked. “About all the ways I’ve failed or?”
“More about that attitude,” Leonardo said.
It was clear that no one in the room wanted to be doing this. Leon pressed a hand down on his aching knee and wondered why exactly he had bothered getting out of bed this morning. He had known today wasn’t going to be a good day.
The kettle rang, and Leo went over to the tea cabinet. He pulled a bag out, scooped some leaves into the pot, and poured the hot water in.
“And now we have tea,” Leo said, putting the pot on the table. “We have tea, and we have shell scars — two things in common. Or lightning scars now, I guess? They do look pretty cool, you’ve got to admit.”
Leonardo got up to grab the cups while Leo pulled out a chair and tried to lean back on it as far as it went. The awkward silence returned as the oldest turtle poured out the tea.
“Karai stabbed me,” Leonardo said suddenly. “Utrom Shredder was trying to get off world, so we had to get control of his ship, and in that fight, Karai stabbed me. That’s how I got my shell scar.”
Leo fell backwards with a crash. “Karai? Look, I know this is all about Leon’s emo phase he’s going through, but Karai’s alive in your world? Gram-gram?”
“Gram-gram?” Leonardo asked.
“She’s my sister,” Leon offered. “She was Splinter’s daughter before he became mutated. I can invite her over.”
Fanta and Rafa had sat him down and told him to be nice to the other turtles. It was clear that Karai was special to Leo. Judging by all the differences between his world and Leo’s, they wouldn’t be very similar at all. But, he figured he might as well offer.
“What?” Leo and Leonardo asked at the same time, looking at him.
“It’s a long story,” he said.
“Everything’s a long story for us,” Leo said. “It isn’t just one traumatic or earthshaking or wild event; it’s always a whole domino effect. But Leonardo, you said she stabbed you?”
“In my world, she isn’t a good person,” Leonardo said. “I once hoped she could be, but she is too blinded by her love for her father, the Shredder, and has sworn to destroy my family and me for killing him. She’s the current Shredder.”
Leo dropped his chair as he was picking it up. “What.”
“And that’s how I got my shell scar,” Leonardo said. “During a fight with her.”
Leo shrugged. “Krang for me.”
So it was his turn? “Thrown through a window.”
No, he wasn’t going to elaborate more than that. Even now, he didn’t like thinking about that whole situation and the person it had forced him into.
Leonardo picked up his cup of tea. “We all got our shell scars in different ways.”
“And?” Leo asked. “I feel like this intervention is a bust. We haven’t gotten Leon to talk about his feelings, but my entire world has just been shaken up.”
“And,” Leonardo said. “I think it goes to show that while we may appear similar, the circumstances that made us who we are were very different. Leo, you weren’t the leader until after you faced off the Shredder. My father had always made it very clear to me that if we ever got into any fights, I was in charge of making sure everyone came home. Leon?”
“Master Splinter placed me in charge after the first time we snuck out topside,” he said. “We never really trained as a team before that.”
Leonardo grabbed his cup of tea. “We may like the color blue, enjoy a cup of tea, and use double katanas, but the three of us are our own persons with our own stories and backgrounds. For dimensional counterparts, we’re not that alike. All that being said, we still ended up with shell scars.”
Leo raised his hand. “Is ‘shell scars’ code for leadership trauma here? And can we please call them lightning scars? It sounds way cooler.”
Leonardo shot him a glare and sipped his tea, making a face. “Yes, and you burned the tea, Leo.”
“I did not.” Leo knocked back his own cup and quickly put it down. “Okay, maybe I did, but unlike you guys, I don’t know how to read Japanese, and nothing in that tea cabinet is in English. How was I supposed to know I was dumping green tea into boiling water?
“Anyways,” Leonardo stressed. “What I was trying to say is that while we aren’t the same person, we all have dealt with similar problems. And while it won’t be as easy as placing a sticker over it, sometimes talking it out can help.”
Leo slow clapped. “That was some Michelangelo-level therapizing.”
“My brother has cornered me after a nightmare enough times that I’ve picked some things up,” Leonardo said. “And I once spent a couple of months in Japan with a being known as the Ancient One discussing the burden of leadership.”
Leon pulled away from the table. “If you’re done, my knee hurts me, and exercise usually helps. I’m heading to the dojo.”
“I haven’t sparred with a master swordsman in a while. Mind if I join you?” Leonardo asked.
Leo chirped in protest. “You spar all the time with me.”
“Kid,” Leonardo said. “Baby Blue, you’re eighteen, almost nineteen, but you haven’t spent your entire life studying the blade. Give it time, however, and one day you will become a great sword master.”
Leo threw his hands up in the air. “How do you manage to say something like that and not sound completely ridiculous? I’m coming with you to see what two ‘master swordsmen’ are like.”
Leon hadn’t said yes yet, but he had a feeling the other two Leonardos wouldn’t let him be. He sighed and headed to the dojo. Leonardo made him wrap his knee in medical tape before he even began to warm up, and Leo spent the entire time stretching talking. This wasn’t the peace that he wanted. But it had been a while since he had fought someone who was talented with a sword. Karai hadn’t visited in a while; she was in Japan, still trying to figure out how to live a normal life. Weren’t they all? At any rate, if Leonardo was any good, perhaps this wouldn’t be a waste of time.
“Go, Leonardo!” Leo cheered as they walked to the center of the room and bowed. Leonardo drew a single blade. Leon shrugged and drew both. They circled for a moment then Leonardo lunged.
It took him under a minute to realize that Leonardo was his equal. If he wanted to beat the older turtle, it would take all of his attention. Good . He rarely had a chance to empty his mind and focus on a challenge he could overcome. It almost never happened anymore that he tackled something he knew he had a chance at winning.
“And, wow, Leon has decided that he wants to wake up tomorrow feeling like a punching bag because he is not holding back at all,” Leon commented. Somewhere, he had produced a bag of popcorn. “So Leonardo won't either. Folks, this looks like it will be a short one.”
A kick had him skidding back. Leon hissed in annoyance as Leonardo forced him on the defensive. The older turtle certainly was fast and creative. He held up a sword to block a swinging slice, bad knee threatening to buckle.
Leonardo surprisingly let up, taking a step back. “I don’t go after people where they’re hurt.”
“No, I can’t believe it; Leonardo going easy on someone during a practice fight?” Leo said. “The world is ending — no, it has ended.”
“Leo shut up,” Leonardo said mildly, drawing his other sword as he caught Leon’s two blades with his first.
“Politely, no,” the other turtle returned.
They each took a step back, resetting. He was already starting to sweat; Leonardo wasn’t even breathing hard. How? Leon charged forward, and the older turtle didn’t even seem to move, but somehow, Leo found himself on the floor.
“Leonardo is once again being infuriating,” Leon narrated. “This man can stay calm in any fight and make it look easy. Don’t worry, Leon, it gets to everyone. Everyone finds it super annoying.”
“Annoyed?” Leon gritted out as he tried to get to his feet. “I am calm.”
“Try saying that a little less angrily, and we might just believe you,” Leo suggested. “And oh, that’s going to hurt tomorrow. That looks like that’s all, folks.”
Leonardo had kicked Leon halfway across the room and had his sword at the younger turtle’s throat. “Surrender?”
“Do I have a choice?” Leon asked.
Leonardo helped him up. “I know some people can fight better when they are angry, but if you had focused more on keeping a level head, you could’ve beaten me.”
“I was calm,” he said.
“Yes, you totally seemed so peaceful and happy,” Leo said.
“I was calm,” Leon insisted.
Leonardo shrugged. “I know a thing or two about letting anger slowly poison everything you do. Trust me when I say this, you weren’t calm. So now, do you want to talk about what’s on your mind?”
Leo rolled his eyes. “Has that ever worked? On one of us, I mean? We’re the turtles that keep our emotions in here —” he gestured to his heart — “and then, one day, we’ll die.”
Leonardo, without looking, threw a shuriken at him. Leo ducked with a startled chirp. “Where did you even get that from?”
Leonardo ignored him. “Look, Leon, I know you don’t want to discuss anything. But at the very least, do it for your brothers. If you go down, they’ll all go down with you. You’re everything they have, and I know they’re your entire world.”
Leon hissed at him. “So, how do you two do it? How are you so fine knowing that every patrol you go on could end in a world you don’t recognize because one of your stupid decisions got one of your brothers killed?”
He stomped out of the dojo, passing Angelo, Fanta, and Michel, who clearly had been listening, and headed for the subway tunnels. Right now, he needed to get out of this place. Leo and Leonardo would follow, but he could lose them since this was his New York, and he knew it like no one else.
The night was beautiful and warm enough that he decided to stay out all night. Rafa would tease him to no end for taking a risk like this, but he needed air as much as he needed to get away from that conversation. So he ran along the rooftops until his lungs burned and his legs shook, and his bad knee gave out on him. Leon scanned the area and found a roof with a shed. He made his way over, broke the lock, and sat down, slipping into a light meditation.
Morning came too soon despite the lack of sleep, and with it came regret. It had been silly and foolish and ridiculous to storm out of the lair like that. He couldn’t let emotions force him into decisions like that. Not to mention his brothers would be worried.
On the way back, he snagged some flowers since Fanta liked how plants brightened up the lair and practiced an apology that would satisfy Rafa. His brother would scream at him no matter what, but at least he could try. But instead of his brothers waiting at the subway entrance, it was Leonardo and Leo.
“Are you here to lecture me about my actions?” he asked. “Since that worked so well yesterday.”
“No, actually, we’re here to ask how you’re doing,” Leonardo said.
“It may surprise you to know that we actually care about you, too,” Leo said. “It’s only been a month since we met you, but you’re family.”
“Where’s everyone else?” Leon asked.
“Getting breakfast in Leo’s world,” Leonardo said. “They stayed up late last night because they were worried about you. You could have at least called.”
Leon pushed past the other two turtles and headed to the portal room.
“It’s not your fault,” Leonardo said.
Leon paused. “What?”
“What you asked about yesterday,” Leonardo said. “It’s not your fault when your brothers get injured. Just because you’re the one who’s in charge doesn’t mean it’s on you when your brothers get hurt. You can’t know how something’s going to go. All you can do is make the best decision based on the information you know and the available resources.”
“And you’re brothers are their own person,” Leo added. “You can’t force them to do anything. Their actions lead to their own consequences. Trust me, when Raph was in charge, I’d do so many stupid things, even when he’d yell at me to stop— I ate poison once. Anyhow, last night was stressful because we didn’t know what kind of stupid you’d get up to, so I’m going to go make a cup of tea. Join us?”
Leonardo followed him into the kitchen. “Don’t burn it this time. Let me read the bag before you make anything.”
Leon hesitated for a moment and then followed them. He knew he didn’t really have a choice. Leonardos were stubborn turtles no matter what world they came from, so he might as well get the conversation over with. “What do you mean ‘what kind of stupid’?”
“Personally, I am a delight and have never done anything reckless in my life, but —” Leo gestured to Leonardo “— this guy once broke into the Shredder’s personal tower and dueled Karai when he was supposed to be getting takeout.”
Leonardo tossed the other turtle a bag of tea. “Didn’t you just say you ate poison?”
“And it was delicious,” Leo agreed. “Is this green or black?”
“Black,” Leonardo said. “I need the caffeine.”
They actually had been worried for him. It was a strange thought. The other two turtles had known him for a month, and they had been concerned for him when he had disappeared. Well, technically, they were family, and family was a precious thing. Leon could understand that.
“Why did you duel Karai?” he asked. For such a rational turtle, that seemed like such an irrational action. He would’ve expected it more from a Raphael.
Leonardo shrugged. “She destroyed our lair and nearly killed my brothers and father. I wanted to ensure she knew not to mess with my family, and I figured it was the best way to announce my return to New York City.”
“You weren’t around when she attacked?” Leon asked, surprised.
Leonardo hesitated for a second as he rummaged around in the cabinet to pull out a teapot. This seemed to be one of his shell scars that hadn’t healed quite right.
“You don’t need to answer that,” Leon said.
Leonardo shrugged, handing the pot to Leo. “I was an idiot when I was younger. I tried to carry the entire world on my shoulders and thought that when everything fell apart, it was my fault. So I pushed myself too hard and pushed my brothers too hard, and we were all starting to crack before Master Splinter set me away to study with another master. During that time, Karai attacked.”
“Your Master Splinter sent you away?” Leo asked. “Yeah, I can’t ever see you messing up that bad. You’re like the Golden Boy.”
The older turtle laughed quietly. “It was complicated.” There was a beat of silence, and he added, “I’ve messed up a lot of things in my life. I haven’t always been the best brother or the best leader... It was a Shredder fight. He was trying to get off world and conquer the galaxy, which we couldn’t allow. We thought it would be as easy as sneaking in and sabotaging the ship. That plan didn’t last more than five minutes. Ultimately, the only option left was to take out the Shredder with us and blow up the ship.
Maybe if we had been more careful, maybe if we had been more prepared — I’ve gone over so many ‘what ifs,’ but in the end, I led my brothers and my father into a situation where the only way we could win was the worst case scenario. That knowledge nearly tore me apart, but with a lot of help and some brothers who wouldn’t let me be so stupid, I’ve come to peace with it. Sure, I could’ve changed some things looking back, but at the time, I was making the best decision with the information I had.
“I lost the key to the Prison Dimension and almost caused the end of the world,” Leo said suddenly. “If we’re sharing all the times that we’ve messed up catastrophically, I should probably mention that I almost caused the apocalypse and that, in another timeline, I did. But there was no way to know then that one mystic artifact could end the world, you know? My family made sure to knock that into me. Tea?”
Leonardo took a cup and carefully took a sip. “It’s safe, Leon.”
Leon took a cup. It was impressive that Leonardo and Leo were strong enough to share something like that with him because Leo was right in a way; they were the turtles who never complained, never spoke up, never shared anything. They supported their brothers, not the other way around. But they were all Leonardos here. He knew he should say something, but he couldn’t. There was just too much to choose from, and it all seemed too recent. So instead, he searched for a way to dispel the atmosphere, something like a painful cross between awkwardness and regret, that had settled on the kitchen. What would Fanta say in a situation like this?
“I know we’re all bad in the kitchen, but burning tea? That takes real talent.”
“Why are you all bullying me?” Leo asked, jumping on the chance to move on from that. “Everything’s in Japanese in that cabinet.”
“I could teach you,” Leon offered. “So that way, the only things the Leonardos have in common aren’t just lightning scars and blue.”
Leo nodded. “And I’ll teach you some Spanish.”
“We have blue only movie nights every other Friday,” Leonardo added. “We’re working through the Jupiter Jim cannon right now. We just started.”
“If you let me introduce you guys to the wonders of Space Heroes, sure,” he said. “I need to get more hobbies than meditation. “
They began to debate sci-fi, but the conversation quickly died out as exhaustion caught up to everyone. Leo finished his cup of tea quickly, excusing himself because he needed to go bother Donnie. Leonardo stuck around until Leon’s brothers showed up. Leon appreciated that. Right now, he didn’t want to be alone with the thoughts in his head.
“Sorry,” he said as his brothers spilled into the kitchen, carefully practiced apology dying before he could even try. Rafa deserved to yell at him, and Fanta shouldn’t be so worried about him. He stared at his cup of tea. Last night had been a disaster. He hadn’t let his emotions get the best of him like that in a long time.
“That’s it?” Rafa said. “You lose your mind when we pull stunts like this, and you want us to accept a sorry?”
Fanta elbowed him. “It’s alright.”
“I’m starting to think Donnie is right, and I should put trackers on all of you guys,” Tello said. They all stared at him, and he shrugged.
“I’m going to head to my room,” Leon said, getting up from the table.
“Wow, he’s going to go meditate; who could’ve seen this coming?” Rafa asked.
“I’m going to take a nap,” Leon corrected. “Fanta, wake me up for lunch, please. Michel was right when he said family meals are important.”
He knew his younger brother was a fan of action over words, and after meeting Michel, Fanta had really been pushing for family meals. But they were all always too busy for them. No, not all of them — it was just him that never had the time, but when he didn’t show up, Rafa didn’t see a reason to either, and Tello never listened to their baby brother.
Fanta smiled, giving him a big hug. “Awesome!”
“And I really am sorry, Rafa,” Leon added. “Although I can see why you always pull that stunt. Wanna spar later?”
It was the best thing he could think of to offer to Rafa. Leon didn’t know where to start with Tello, but he honestly doubted whether Tello had even noticed he had gone missing last night. He had been spending too much time in his lab recently. Rafa must have literally dragged him out.
Rafa turned to Tello. “Did he just apologize and sound genuine? I’m gonna head out to hang out with the other Raphaels, but I’ll be back for lunch.”
“I’ll make mac and cheese using Michel’s recipe and follow it completely!” Fanta promised. “Thanks, guys!”
“I’m excited,” Leon said, leaving the kitchen and heading for his room. His head was a little too loud right now, and he didn’t think being alone was a great idea, but he hadn’t been sleeping much recently. He needed to try to nap so he could do something with Fanta after lunch. How long had it been since he had hung out with his brother?
Too long, and that was true for all his brothers. Leon would be the first to admit that he spent too long meditating, trying to find answers. But since Leonardo and Leon seemed to have them already, he could cut back on that time and talk with his counterparts instead. That way, he could hang around with his Fanta, Tello, and Rafa more often.
The plan seemed too simple as he lay in bed, but he figured it would be worth a shot. It wasn’t like what he was doing right now was working, and Leon was so, so tired of failing all the time. No matter what he did, the cracks in his shell only grew wider, and the scars didn’t heal right. He needed to try something different. Talking to Leo and Leonardo more often was a place to start, even if he wasn’t sure it was a great place to start.