Chapter Text
It was pretty early in the morning and you were already making your bed while all the other siblings who shared the dormitory with you were still asleep. You were the Cardinal's assistant, although you weren't sure why he chose you. You hadn't been in the Ministry for very long compared to other few siblings who applied for the role. To be fair, you were not sure how many people applied to be Cardinal's assistant. He was not as popular in the ministry as Papa Emeritus III, Terzo. Many siblings in the ministry would do anything to be close to Papa, but it was well known that Terzo didn't care for any siblings in the ministry. There were rumors that his heart was already taken, some rumors suggested that he already had what people would call his “Prime Mover”, but you weren't sure about it as you didn't know much about him. Nevertheless, you decided to do the best job you could.
When you first started as his assistant, you thought the job would be boring. In the beginning, it felt a little dull, but as time passed, you and the Cardinal developed a good relationship. Working with him became your favorite thing to do at the ministry, especially when he would call you by Italian nicknames.
You had been working together for 7 months now, and although waking up early wasn't your favorite thing, being near the Cardinal was pleasant. Cardinal Copia was a nice old man - gentle, clumsy, silly, focused, and respectful. He also had a habit that you found amusing. Sometimes, he would mumble words in Italian. You weren't able to understand all of it, but you were already used to some words like "cazzo" and "merda."
With all the time you spent together, you started to see the Cardinal in a different way. He was not just your clumsy boss anymore; you started to feel something else. Hearing him call you by your name, was the highlight of your day. You loved how your name sounded on his voice with his accent. But you needed to keep it extremely professional, not showing any emotions, controlling yourself to not blush or talk to him in a shaky voice whenever he was too close to you.
Looking at the clock on your bedside table, you realize that you are already a few minutes late. You rush to the door, opening it quickly, causing Sister Emily to almost drop the laundry basket she was carrying.
"Is everything okay, Si-sister?" She asked, her voice shaky from being startled by you.
"Yes, I'm sorry Sister Emily, I didn't mean to scare you." You apologize before leaving your dormitory in a hurry.
You run down the stairs and head straight to Cardinal's office. Luckily, it's still early and there aren't many people in the corridors. You reach his office door, grab the keys, and unlock it. You breathe a sigh of relief when you hear the click of the door unlocking, indicating that Cardinal hasn't arrived yet.
Once inside, you open the curtains to let in some light and notice that his desk is a bit messy. "He must have stayed here late last night after I left." You think as you start organizing the pens on his desk before getting on your knees to organize the files in the filing cabinet of his desk.
As you're organizing the files in the filing cabinet, you come across an envelope that doesn't belong there. There's no "From" or "To" written on it, just a blank envelope with a paper inside. You consider putting it back in the folder, but your curiosity gets the best of you and you decide to open it, but before you can read the contents of the letter, you hear a click at the door. You quickly stand up, close the cabinet door, and shove the letter into your pocket fixing your habit.
"Buongiorno, sorella!" Cardinal greets you as he enters the room, looking at you suspiciously. "Is everything okay?" he asked while he takes some steps ahead getting close to his desk.
"Yes, Cardinal. I was just organizing some papers you left on your desk." You explained.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I completely forgot to organize them yesterday." He apologized.
"No problem, Cardinal. I'm here to help you with whatever you need." You assured him with a smile.
He smiled back at you, pulling his chair to sit on. "I honestly don't know what I would do without you, sorella. You're one of the best things that has happened to me recently. I really made a very good choice, sì?" He giggled.
In an impulsive act, you got up quickly from your chair, putting your hands on the table and taking a deep breath.
"What's the problem, sorella?" He looked at you, sitting in his chair.
"I just noticed I forgot your coffee, Cardinal." You said, turning your back to him and walking to the door before he could say something.
Feeling your heart jumping from your chest, you closed the door behind you. Those words messed with you, you know you had an impulsive reaction but you didn't know what to do when you heard him calling you as "one of the best things that has happened to me recently." You were pretty aware of how you felt about Cardinal Copia and you didn't want to let it show.
Walking to the kitchen, you could smell the coffee. The scent of the coffee was filling the corridors already. You could also smell bread being baked.
"I came to get Cardinal's coffee!" You said as you entered the kitchen.
"Sister! We thought you wouldn't come!" One of the siblings said, getting the tray with Copia's breakfast and lending it to you.
"Oh! I didn't forget at all, I was just busy with some duties." With the tray on your hands you left the kitchen and headed to his office again.
Stopping by the door, you opened it slowly, keeping the tray straight with one hand. When you stepped inside the office, you saw Cardinal Copia in front of the window behind his desk with his gloved hands behind his back. You stayed in silence for a while, just staring at him. Today, he was wearing your favorite cassock, the black one. Not that you didn't like the other ones, but there was something about the black that would make you look at him more than usual.
Using one of your feet, you closed the door behind you. As the door clicked shut, Copia turned his head to look at you over his shoulder. As you took steps to get closer to his desk, Copia turned his body in your direction and gave you a gentle smile.
"Oh, sorella. You're too good for this old man. What would I do without you, sì?" Giggling, you placed the tray on his desk in front of his chair.
"Well, Cardinal, I'm just doing my work." You smiled at him as he sat in his chair. "And also, if I didn't get it for you, you would totally forget to eat because we both know you get too focused on your work and forget to eat!"
"Sì, sì, you're right, sorella, but you are not 'just doing your work.' You do a lot more for me." He reached for your hand and held it. You froze at the touch of his hand reaching for the one that was still holding the tray handle. Turning your eyes from your hand to his face, you saw that he was staring into your eyes.
What only took a few seconds felt like hours due to the silence that filled the room after his touch. Giving him a shy smile, you could swear you saw him blush. As he let go of your hand, you walk back to your desk trying not to loose your composure.
For the rest of the day, you and Copia stayed in silence while doing your jobs. It was not common to work with him in complete silence. He would call your name to ask for something or just to point out some information. Sometimes, he would also engage in casual conversation. However, at times, you could swear you felt him looking at you.
Lunchtime came after a long morning of silence. It almost felt like time had stopped. Looking at the clock on the wall, you see that it is almost time to get Cardinal's lunch.
“Co-, Cardinal Copia” You took a deep breath before keep talking. “I’m gonna get your lunch at the kitchen with the other siblings.” You got up from your chair and walked to his desk to pick up the tray that was on the right side of his desk.
“Oh! Sorella, don’t need to worry about it. Go have your lunch with the other siblings and I will ask for someone to clean it and bring the lunch.” You stopped walking to his direction and nod with your head.
Turning your back to him, you left his office and went straight to the cafeteria. It was the first time that Copia hadn't asked you to do something for him or allowed you to do it. Today was definitely not a normal day, but at least it was Friday, which meant that whatever was happening between you and the Cardinal, the weekend would probably fix it.
-
Returning to the office after eating with the other siblings, you hear Cardinal's voice screaming in a not-too-unfamiliar language and loud noises coming from inside the office. You hurried your steps and opened the door, finding his office in a big mess. Cardinal Copia was throwing papers in the air, and some were already on the ground. The shelves were disorganized, all the drawers from his desk were fully open, and only your desk remained untouched. You stepped inside the office, closing the door behind you looking around all the mess having no idea what was happening.
"Cazzo! Merda! Dov'è?" Cardinal was now on his knees on the floor, taking out papers from the filing cabinet.
"Cardinal, is everything okay?" You asked, approaching him getting on your knees in front of him.
"Sorella! Great! I'm glad you're here!" He grabbed your hand, looking at you. "Sorella, per favore, essere onesta con me, did you see an envelope today when you arrived at the office early this morning?"
You knew exactly what he was talking about. "I'm sorry, Cardinal. I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't seen it." You lied. You wanted to tell him that yes, you saw it and yes, it was in your pocket, but you were too afraid to admit it. What would he think of you? There was no plausible excuse for having it in your habit's pocket.
"I may have taken it with me somewhere else. Are you sure you didn't see anything, cara?" Cardinal sighed.
You nod your head. "I'm sorry, Cardinal. I'm sure we'll find it somewhere, right?" You give him a smile.
"Sì, cara, you're right."
"Should I help you clean up this mess?" You put your other hand on top of his.
"Ah... sì..." You felt his grip on your hand getting tighter, and you let go of his hand. Cardinal get up giving you his hand for you to hold helping you to get up after him. You smile at him grabbing his hand, holding your habit, you get up.
As you and Cardinal starts to organize the room, you couldn't stop thinking that the envelope was still in your pocket. Not only that, but you had also lied to him about not knowing what he was talking about. If it wasn’t bad enough that you had taken it from his filing cabinet, imagine how much worse it was now that you had lied about it.
While you were organizing his documents in the filing cabinet, you thought you could just put it there without him noticing it. But that would be strange, if you just looked at him saying: "Look, Cardinal, it was here the whole time!"
So you had to think in a better plan. Maybe when it was time for you to leave his office, you could tell him that you would stay just a little bit longer, so you could hide the envelope somewhere and tell him how you found it on Monday.
-
As the last hours of the workday approached, Cardinal Copia got up from his chair. He walked towards your desk and stopped in front of it. "Sorella, I suppose we're finished for today, sì?"
"Oh! Cardinal, I haven't finished these papers yet. Is it okay if I stay for just one more hour?" Your face was glued to the papers in front of you just to avoid his gaze.
"Are you sure, sorella? Do you want some company?" He asked, not moving from in front of your desk.
"Yes, Cardinal. I'm sure. I'll finish these papers in an hour or less, and you can go rest now. Don't worry, I'll lock the door when I leave.” You replied, still focused on the papers.
He grumbled some words to himself.
"Hm?" You lift your head in his direction. "What did you say, Cardinal?"
"Nothing, sorella. Just thinking out loud, sì?" He took a step back from your table and walked to the door. "Buona notte, cara. Don't forget to lock the door when you leave." You smiled nodding at him as he left and closed the door behind him.
After he left, you returned to focusing on the papers in front of you. They weren't a big deal; you just needed to review some official documents from the Clergy to make sure everything was in order.
By the time you finish with the papers, you get up from your chair, stretch your back, and start to clean up your desk right away. You organize the files in the shelf and check if Copia's desk needs attention. With everything in order, you leave the office and lock the door. The corridors are already quiet, and you can only hear the sound of crickets outside the Ministry.
As you approached your dormitory, you retrieved your keys from your pocket. Suddenly, an envelope fell out. You realized with dismay that it was the letter you had forgotten to replace. You couldn't believe you had forgotten it.
Picking up the letter envelope from the floor, you weren't sure what to do next. Should you return it to his office, dispose of it, or keep it with you until Monday?
With so many options and thoughts running through your mind, you decided to head back to your dormitory. At this point, you regretted taking the letter from Cardinal's filing cabinet. However, it was too late, and you already had it in your possession, even worse, in your room.
Realizing it was a lost cause, you placed the envelope under your pillow and took a quick, relaxing shower. Upon returning, you checked under your pillow to ensure the envelope was still there. Unfortunately, it was.
Lying down, you couldn't stop thinking about what you had done. You had lied and hid it from Cardinal Copia, and if you told him what you had done, he would probably be disappointed and remove you from your position. You were supposed to return it after he left, but you got so distracted with the papers that you forgot.
But there was something else on your mind: why did Cardinal look so worried about this envelope? What was in the letter? If he was hiding it, it was probably something important. Your curiosity started to hammer in your head with questions that could only be answered if you read the letter, but should you? Invading Cardinal's privacy like this would probably put you on a tightrope. In fact, you had already invaded his privacy when you took it from the filing cabinet and shoved it into your pocket. And yes, you had the intention to give it a look before, but now, after seeing Cardinal on his knees throwing the papers all around, you weren't sure if you really should read it.
Yet, curiosity wasn't leaving you alone. You swiped your hand under your pillow and grabbed the envelope, bringing it close to your chest and taking a deep breath. You look around to make sure all the siblings were asleep and with a trembling hand, you open the envelope and take out the letter from inside. You still hold it close to your chest, gathering the courage you need.
Unfolding the letter, you realize that it bears the handwriting of the Cardinal. As you begin to read, you do not see any name mentioned in the first few lines but the next few lines made your eyes widen.
“If you are reading this, it's probably because I have finally mustered the courage to deliver this letter. I know that a man of my age and position in the Ministry shouldn't be feeling what I feel for you, but it's inevitable to do not feel the way I feel when you are one of the few people who truly show compassion for me here. You've turned my world upside down in these last few months. Through small acts of affection and words, I try to show what I feel for you, but being close to you is like losing my breath, and whenever you look at me, I feel my body freeze and I have no reaction, that’s because I see gentleness in your eyes whenever you look at me, and it's almost impossible for me to maintain my composure. Your smile brightens up the room and your voice calling me as “Cardinal” is like music to my ears, although, I really wish you’d call me as Copia. Sometimes, I'm afraid of speaking too much and letting my feelings escape from within me. I can't say if this is love, passion, attraction, or something beyond that, but I know that I want to be the one holding your hand, Finally, I would like to say that even if my feelings for you are not reciprocated, I hope you can still understand that...”
"What?!" you exclaimed in your head. You turned the paper over to see if there was anything on the other side, but the letter ended there. It was inconclusive. "How can someone leave a love letter inconclusive?" you ask to yourself. Oh- wait. You sit up fast on your bed, noticing you've just read a love letter from the Cardinal, and you have no idea who he wrote it for. You've just read that Cardinal Copia is in love with someone from the Ministry, and you start to wonder who it is. But, do you really want to know? You feel a tightness in your chest. It was going to be a long weekend until Monday, but not forgetting about the Sunday mass. You’d see Cardinal Copia earlier than you thought.