Chapter Text
This day should have been like any of the other endless, blurry days that had become Obi-Wan Kenobi’s existence. He went to work, he went home. He stared into the empty desert to where a pair of lightsabers called to him from their sandy grave.
He couldn’t tell if time was passing at all anymore. The empire never bothered with a place like Tatooine, and Obi-Wan hadn’t heard from Bail Organa in years. However the situation was progressing, he didn’t know.
All he knew was the crater in his soul where his old life had been. Or rather, where the person who was at the center of that life had been.
The lightsabers sang to him, a mournful and distant melody. Obi-Wan blinked, and looked away. Like every other day, he looked away and went home. Same ritual, rinse and repeat. It was an unreality of his own creation.
But today was different. He had felt it from the moment he woke up. The notes that always played around him in the force were offset. In the wrong key, somehow. It had put him on edge through the entirety of his shift. Enough that he made mistakes, and got reprimanded for it.
It only grew worse as he neared his… home, though that was a strong word. He had lost the only home he ever wanted when he lost him . Nonetheless, Obi-Wan could see his cave in the distance.
And something was there. Something was moving. His breath caught in his throat and his hand fell to his belt, where his lightsaber no longer rested. No one had ever been that close, not even Sand People.
Obi-Wan hadn’t searched in the force for a long, long time, but now he had no other choice. He lowered his shields just enough to stretch out a thread, carefully moving it across the terrain until-
A black moon stood on the other side of his thread. It turned slowly, starting as only a sliver of silver light, before it was facing Obi-Wan fully, a pale sphere he only ever saw in his most agonizing memories.
He was moving without really being in control of it. The distance shrunk between them like Obi-Wan was teleporting across the sand. He couldn’t understand anything beyond the name being shrieked inside his mind.
All at once, the last ten years of his miserable existence exploded like a dying star, and out of the supernova, he emerged.
«Obi-Wan,» said the towering dark figure in the mouth of the cave. «I need your help.»
Anakin.
~**~
Obi-Wan had finally lost his mind.
That was the only explanation for the scene he was vividly hallucinating at the moment. He blinked once, then twice, but the black-clothed being approximating his best friend and former padawan didn’t disappear.
When it became evident Obi-Wan wasn’t going to speak, the being… Vader, as his name was now, sank to his knees in the sand with his masked head bowed low. The loud mechanical breathing coming from the helmet was the only thing breaking the silence. «Obi-Wan,» he said again, in that warbled, awful voice.
If this was anything other than a wild fever dream, Obi-Wan would have been cut down by now. He was unarmed and tired, he wouldn’t have lasted a minute against Vader at full power. But the force said nothing of any intent to harm. On the contrary, it was singing of surrender.
Everything told him this being was, at his core, the same Anakin as the one Obi-Wan had lost all those years ago, but he didn’t dare believe it. Not when he couldn’t see him. «Take it off,» he whispered.
Vader, after a moment of hesitation, raised his hands. There was a soft hiss as the helmet depressurized, before it popped off the collar of his suit. Vader lifted it slowly, and Obi-Wan held his breath.
He saw his hair first. Still at a similar length, still that dark bronze color. Then his lips, his nose, and finally, all of him. Like the lid of a closing casket, the helmet dropped heavily into his lap. A burn scar covered half his face from jaw to temple, its width reaching a little ways beyond his left ear.
And his eyes . The one on his unscarred side shone a pale gold, while the other was the same shade of blue that Obi-Wan spent every waking moment dreaming of. That frenzied haze that had fallen over Anakin on Mustafar wasn’t there anymore. He looked clear and alive and like himself.
Obi-Wan staggered backwards and had to grab a jutting rock for support. It was him, it was his Anakin. «This can’t be real,» he said robotically, «You aren’t real.»
Vader- No . No. Vader didn’t have eyes like these. Anakin wouldn’t look at him, instead staring down at the helmet clutched tightly in his gloved hands. Fear was winding around him in the force, making the air smell of incoming rain. «I had nowhere else to go.»
Oh, this was so utterly cruel. He sounded the exact same as Obi-Wan remembered.
«Why…» Obi-Wan dragged a hand over his face and blinked harshly to once again make sure this wasn’t a product of his spiraling mind. «Why are you here?»
Absurdity didn’t begin to cover this situation. He was floating far above his own body, watching it unfold like a distant observer. His heart was frozen in his chest, and his fingers prickled like they’d been buried in snow.
«My master has ordered me to execute you, because he suspects my loyalty is failing. He is right.» Anakin frowned, and a few curls fell over his forehead as he lowered his head further. His voice shook and Obi-Wan could barely hear him over the howling wind. «I can’t kill you.»
Obi-Wan struggled to get his legs to cooperate and take him to where Anakin kneeled. He sank down in front of him, but he didn’t dare reach out to touch. The illusion would surely evaporate if he tried that. «What did you do, Anakin?»
«I left,» Anakin squeezed his eyes shut and flinched away, only to awkwardly straighten up again when whatever he had been waiting for didn’t come. «…And I’m not going back.»
His lip quivered and his shoulders curled forwards as he hunched down, bent almost in half at the waist. «I’m tired, Obi-Wan. I am so tired of being bound to him.» The crown of his head was right below Obi-Wan’s chin, and when he breathed, Anakin’s scent was all around him.
Woodsy, like a pine-forest after a fire. It unraveled him beyond recognition to have it so close again. Anakin clenched his hands around the helmet, and Obi-Wan belatedly realized he was trembling.
«Will you help me?» Anakin asked, small and ashamed.
«Anakin,» Obi-Wan finally managed to find his voice. Anakin chanced a peek up at him, his face curtained by his hair. «Stars, Anakin, I-»
Would he? Could he? Obi-Wan opened and closed his mouth as he searched for what to say. In his ear, the force whispered the answer he had known all along.
The distance between their bodies was becoming torturous, and Obi-Wan couldn’t stand it anymore. He grabbed a fistful of Anakin’s cloak and pulled him into a crushing embrace, and the second he felt the heat of his real, solid body, the fragile thread holding him together snapped.
There weren’t many times in his life where Obi-Wan had sobbed like this. Deep, echoing cries that rippled in the force, that choked him and made it hard to even breathe.
Against him, Anakin was still shaking. It took several beats too long before he finally lifted his arms and wound them around Obi-Wan’s back, like he didn’t know what to do with himself, like he had forgotten how naturally these exact embraces used to come to him.
When was the last time anyone had held Anakin like this? Force, when was the last time Obi-Wan had been held like this? «I’m so sorry, Anakin,» he managed between his hiccuping cries, his voice breaking so badly the words were barely legible.
Anakin’s face was pressed into the side of his neck and Obi-Wan felt tears steadily wet his skin and collar. «You have nothing to apologize for,» Anakin said, clumsily tightening his hold until their chests were flush together. Their erratic heartbeats synced as one, and for a moment, Obi-Wan couldn’t tell where he ended and Anakin began.
I have the universe to apologize for , Obi-Wan thought to himself, but he didn’t voice it. Not here, not now.
Hitching sobs were muffled against Obi-Wan’s neck as Anakin finally lost the effort to suppress them. «Shh. It’s alright now, my love,» Obi-Wan soothed, rocking them back and forth just like he did when Anakin was little. The monsters of yesterday were insignificant now. «I’m here. I’ve got you.»
He had missed him more than could ever be put into words. It had driven him to the brink of madness, this suffocating longing he had to live with, like a vacuum that was slowly turning him inside out.
Not even on his worst days had Obi-Wan ever hated Anakin. And when he had sat down to untangle the process of forgiving him, he had found the path as clear as the crysral caves on Ilum. The struggle had been in mustering up the bravery to start down it.
«I will help you,» he said, scooting forward until he was straddling Anakin’s thighs, crowding his space and making sure every last possible inch of his body was pressed up against him. The helmet clattered to the ground, forgotten. «Of course I will.»
Anakin had turned back, he could feel it as surely as he felt the sun on his skin. The universe would be nothing but dust before he ever cast Anakin aside after he had taken the first steps back toward the light. «What do you need?»
Anakin leaned back far enough that they were facing each other again. «I need-» It was as though the words got stuck on his tongue, and he shook his head to get himself back on course. «I need to shield like you do. The bond is gone, but he’s in my head. I can feel it. And…»
«And?» Obi-Wan prompted when he trailed off. There was an odd, uneasy feeling in the force.
«We have to find her. He’s on her trail.» Anakin fiddled with the hem of his cloak before finally looking Obi-Wan in the eyes. «We have to find Ahsoka.»
His heart couldn’t take any more world-shattering news. Obi-Wan’s ears were ringing as he stared dumbly at Anakin’s severe expression. «She’s alive?» He hardly dared believe it. To have one padawan return from the dead was already unbelievable enough.
Anakin nodded. «She’s with the rebellion, I sensed her in a passing ship. My master doesn’t know it’s her, and he cannot find out.»
«Oh,» Obi-Wan ran a hand over his beard, trying to chase down all the scattered pieces of his mind and put it back together again. «I suppose I should expect nothing less from her.»
A clumsy smile broke out on Anakin’s face then, like the muscles had forgotten how to do it and were still trying to adjust. The spark of warmth in his eyes, that had until then only shone with fear, was the most captivating thing Obi-Wan had ever seen.
He had thought Anakin’s smile was lost, and with it, any hope of ever seeing beauty again. If only he could freeze time and keep this moment forever.
But reality was a cruel and ever-present beast. He schooled himself and cleared his head of everything not related to the task he needed to accomplish. «Shields, then. I assume it is to keep your location, and the knowledge of Ahsoka, hidden?»
The softness disappeared from Anakin’s face and he suddenly looked much older than a 32 year old man should. Obi-Wan could only imagine what was playing in his mind now, with his bicolored stare a million miles away. «Yes, in the event that I’m recaptured.»
Obi-Wan’s throat snared shut, and he flexed his fingers against his lap. «You won’t be,» he said without really thinking it through, pushing himself to his feet. Anakin trailed his movements with a vigilant gaze. «I have a contact who might be able to tell us where Ahsoka was last seen.»
«Who?» Anakin got up and followed him over to the make-shift shelves carved into the cave wall. Obi-Wan rooted around for a moment before the old comm came into view.
He paused with the round machine in his hand, before turning back to Anakin again. He stood straight-backed and formal, and if it wasn’t for the lingering puffiness around his eyes, nothing would indicate that he was anything less than a military titan.
He looked… incredibly lonely.
«Can Sidious extract specific information from you at this distance?» Obi-Wan asked after a moment of hesitation. Getting Bail caught by being reckless was not acceptable.
«No.» Anakin was staring at a fixed point on the wall, and he clasped his gloves hands together. «He can get a general idea of my location, and fleeting emotions. He has… tried, before. To get more accurate readings.» A shiver passed through Anakin’s force signature. «It never worked.»
«Oh,» Obi-Wan felt like the air had been knocked out of him. «I’m sorry.»
«It’s of no consequence,» Anakin pressed his lips into a thin line as he worked to restabilize himself. It was a blatant lie, but Obi-Wan didn’t have the words to challenge it.
He weighed his options as he stared at the device in his hands. Airing on the side of caution was the best solution. Receiving a call like this, no matter how secure the line, was always a risk. Even more so with Anakin’s tenuous control over who viewed his thoughts.
«Before I tell you, we should work on your shielding,» Obi-Wan decided, setting the comm back on the shelf. «I want to be certain my contact’s safety is not compromised.»
Anakin nodded, keeping his face carefully blank. Still, Obi-Wan got the sense that he was hurting, and why wouldn’t he be? He was being denied privacy inside his own mind. Even when he was enslaved as a child his thoughts had, at the very least, been his alone.
It was all so bitterly unfair . Obi-Wan had to forcibly unclench his jaw. «Let’s get to work, then. The sooner he’s out of your head, the better.»
~**~
The dual sunset was long gone by the time Anakin snapped out of his twelfth meditation attempt with a frustrated huff. Obi-Wan cracked an eye open and watched as he raked a hand through his unruly hair. «That was much better,» he said. Anakin glared at the roof of the cave.
«Sure it was.» He fell backward until he was lying flat on his back. It was odd, seeing that familiar attitude from a being still dressed head to toe in Darth Vader’s suit. Like a jarring contradiction ruining the painting of Anakin.
Obi-Wan raised his hands above his head and stretched out his sore muscles. «I’m not exaggerating. A few more days, and you will have a solid foundation. From there you simply have to maintain them.» Anakin was already obscured in the force; the only reason Obi-Wan could see through the shields was because he was right next to him.
At least, that’s what he assumed. He and Anakin had always had a strange transparency between them. But all that meant now was that Obi-Wan was a brilliant judge of his shielding efficiency. «Think of a name,» he instructed, and Anakin sighed, but obediently closed his eyes and did as he was told.
Obi-Wan stretched out his mind and found Anakin quickly. He brushed against the surface of the gleaming moon, and listened to the melodies that trailed his movement. The notes were warbled like they were underwater, and he leaned closer, probing at them. There was something familiar about it that Obi-Wan couldn’t fully place. He applied a bit more pressure, and the scent of lavender teased his nose.
Anakin put up a valiant effort. The more Obi-Wan prodded, the more obscure the song became. But he couldn’t shut it in completely, and after a long moment of push-and-pull, Obi-Wan heard the name.
«Padmé?» he asked, blinking his eyes open. Anakin threw his hands in the air and flopped back down.
«Yeah,» he grumbled. Obi-Wan had to work to contain a smile at his antics. He rose with a slight huff from how stiff all this sitting had made him, dusting off his pants.
«That took me a lot of effort. When we started, I didn’t even need to push.» It was simple praise, but it seemed to soften the small storm gathering around Anakin’s force signature.
Then, as if to be petty, he snapped his new shields up. Obi-Wan blinked, taken aback by his sudden absence, before leveling him with a flat stare. «Very clever,» he said. Anakin plastered a look of faux-innocence on his face.
He was careful to give Anakin a wide arc as he headed toward the storage containers at the back of the cave. Ever since their half-hysterical embrace they had skirted around each other, and Obi-Wan hadn’t missed how Anakin seemed to flinch just at the implication of being touched. The knowledge sat like acid in his throat.
He rooted around in one of the crates for clothing that was a touch too big for himself. «You should change,» Obi-Wan said to distract himself from the questions badgering him. What did he do to you? Why are you so afraid? «You’ll be recognized in that garb.»
He found a pair of dark pants and a black, gauzy robe that he bundled up in his hands, setting them aside on the lid of another crate. Anakin could keep his boots, since Obi-Wan’s spares were all tattered and too large for him. He furrowed his brows as he reached the bottom of the crate, his fingers brushing over a soft, almost new fabric.
The cloak he pulled out was long and its dark purple color was partially faded by the sun, but it would do the trick. He held it out with a small sense of victory before folding it up and setting it down with the rest of his haul.
When he turned around, Anakin had sat back up again and was watching him with an unreadable expression on his face. His golden eye glinted in the low light, like it was reflective. «Thank you,» he said a beat too late, snapping out of whatever thoughts he’d been lost in.
«I’ll give you some privacy,» Obi-Wan suddenly felt incredibly stilted, and the smile he gave Anakin was a stiff one. «Call if you need anything.»
He hurried outside before Anakin had the chance to say anything else, and sucked in a lungful of the cold night air as soon as he was out of sight. The stars glittered overhead alongside the full moons that sat high in the sky, bathing the desert in a serene light.
Force. Obi-Wan raked both hands through his hair, pacing back and forth next to the make-shift well he had established. Force help me. He’s here. He’s sitting inside my almost-home.
Just this morning, Obi-Wan had been content to drift lifelessly through his daily routine, the same routine he’d had for the better part of a decade. He was a husk, a soulless thing that kept moving because it had no other option.
In a few scant hours his entire life had shaken apart. Nothing was the same. Obi-Wan suddenly had a mission, a purpose , other than being an old, grieving fool refusing to leave the planet of his fallen beloved. The one connection he still had to Anakin, however cruel a connection it was.
How many nights had he dreamed of Anakin showing up outside this very cave? How many times had he seen his blurry silhouette in the desert heat? Such a thing had been a ridiculous, delirious pipe-dream not 24 hours ago. Obi-Wan felt like he had been set adrift in dead space.
And Anakin was… He was Anakin. Different, yes, but still fundamentally himself. And it was tearing Obi-Wan apart that he wasn’t even here to stay. Why would he? Obi-Wan hardly had a place in the life of someone destined for so much more , like Anakin and Ahsoka were.
His padawans, always running head-long into danger, never once slowing down to catch their breaths. Obi-Wan wrapped his cloak tightly around himself. Could he keep up with them, after so long of merely… existing? Had he wasted away? Would he remain here, right where they left him?
Force , he thought for the millionth time that day. What in the Stars had he gotten himself into?
~**~
Obi-Wan had, after a lot of trouble and a very awkward conversation with Anakin, managed to settle down for what was proving to be a restless sleep. Anakin was, at his insistence, stretched out on top of some old blankets laid out on the floor, with a spare robe bundled up to act as a pillow.
The sorry excuse for a cot that Obi-Wan was on wasn’t much better, but that didn’t make him feel any better about hogging it.
In his new clothes, Anakin looked better. More like himself. He felt lighter in the force too, now that he was finally out of the prison his suit had become. Obi-Wan tossed in his bed again, turning to stare at the wall in an attempt to clear his mind.
It didn’t work. He could hear Anakin breathe just a short distance away, slow and steady as he slept. Only… Obi-Wan strained his hearing. There was a slight wheeze, like a faint whistling sound every now and then. That was concerning. He’d have to ask about that as soon as they were up.
Despite all the questions and turmoil rolling around in Obi-Wan’s mind, his eyes did eventually drift closed. His sleep wasn’t pleasant; nightmares tugged at his consciousness, ones that didn’t feel like they were entirely his own.
He saw fire and lava, then a sterile white light and a pack of surgical droids. He felt their tools poke into his body and put it back together again. They rooted around inside , like a hoard of crawling insects. And then, there was him. A being in a flowing dark robe with his face obscured by shadow, his gnarly hand outstretched.
Pain. That was the beginning and the end of the universe. Obi-Wan lost all sense of time and direction and was caught in a world of splitting, ceaseless agony.
Obi-Wan wrenched himself free of the nightmare, sitting bolt upright with his hands clutching his throbbing head. Blood was roaring so loudly in his ears it took him a moment to realize what was happening around him.
The force was wailing with Anakin’s distress. Obi-Wan whipped around and searched frantically for him in the low light, and found him writhing around in a tangle of blankets on the floor. «Anakin,» he called breathlessly, stumbling out of his cot.
Anakin didn’t reply. Unintelligible cries slipped out as he struggled, and Obi-Wan realized then that he was still asleep. He crouched by his side, his heart hammering in his throat. «Anakin?»
It had as little effect as it did the first time. Anakin’s hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, and his lashes clung together from the tears rolling across his temples and into his hairline. Obi-Wan didn’t know what to do , so he reached out, intending to grab his shoulder and shake him awake.
His fingers had just barely made a feathery contact when Anakin opened his eyes, and screamed. A pressure wave rocketed through the air and bowled Obi-Wan over, his ears ringing as he collided hard with the floor.
«No,» Anakin’s voice was haggard and rough, and so utterly brimming with panic that he hardly sounded human at all. «No, no, no, I don’t want it.» Obi-Wan struggled to push himself up and saw Anakin fist his hands in his hair.
His eyes were wide and unseeing, and the golden one was emitting a faint glow in the darkened cave as Anakin’s despair deepened. Obi-Wan could barely breathe, his own face now wet with tears from the intensity of the torment that spilled over into his own mind like a thick, black oil.
This was nothing like the nightmares Anakin had as a child. This was foreign and visceral, it was wrong , and Obi-Wan was drowning in it.
Anakin thrashed, yanking at his hair as he struggled against an invisible enemy. «No!» he begged, again and again, but to no avail. The force was howling alongside him like it was crying out for its child, seething at the injustice being dealt to him. Help , said the shrieking notes. Help him.
An abrupt clarity overtook him. Without having full insight into his own actions, he raced forward in the force and caught hold of the storming signature in front of him. Anakin let out another wail that sunk talons of regret into Obi-Wan's already breaking heart, but he held on.
As quickly as he could, he wrapped himself around Anakin until the storm was compressed and contained within his own steadier presence. He forced the foreign oil out , and he kept it there, unrelenting against its attempt to flood him.
«Anakin!» He finally fought his way close enough to catch him by the biceps, and barely dodged a ferocious punch aimed for his jaw. «Anakin, dearest, listen to me. You must wake up.»
«No, no,» Anakin chanted between his heaving breaths. He caught hold of Obi-Wan’s robes, and with a strength that bordered on unnatural, he flipped them over. His back hit the ground with a loud thump that left Obi-Wan wheezing.
Anakin was hovering above him with his hands on either side of Obi-Wan’s head, his sweat-sodden curls hanging around his face in clumps. Teardrops fell from his eyes and onto Obi-Wan’s cheeks like rainfall.
«Dearest,» Obi-Wan repeated, «You’re okay, you’re safe.»
There was a flash of awareness in Anakin’s face, a flicker that was there and gone again. «Stop,» he whispered hoarsely, his eyes zeroing in on Obi-Wan like he was seeing him for the first time. «Make it stop. Please, make it stop.»
«Your name is Anakin Skywalker,» Obi-wan reached up and cupped the back of his neck, keeping their eye contact locked and steady. Anakin shuddered at the touch, but he didn’t pull away. «And you are on Tatooine with me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.»
They had done this in the temple during particularly bad episodes. It was the only thing Obi-Wan could think to do. «You are 32 years old, and you’re looking for Ahsoka Tano. Do you remember her?»
Anakin’s golden eye was back to its pale, unassuming state when he nodded his confirmation. «Ahsoka…» he echoed quietly, and Obi-Wan felt the storm begin to ebb away as the dark clouds retreated. He relaxed his hold around Anakin in the force bit by bit.
«That’s it, darling,» Obi-Wan stroked his thumb rhythmically against Anakin’s skin. «You’re doing so well.»
As Anakin slowly came back to himself, the wild panic was replaced by exhaustion. His eyelids drooped and his arms shook with the effort of holding him up, so Obi-Wan gently coaxed him to lie down next to him. He brushed the hair from his face before pressing the back of his hand to his forehead, finding it at a much safer, cooler temperature than it had been.
They lay like that for a while, with Obi-Wan keeping a watchful eye on Anakin as he was slowly reclaimed by sleep. Only when his breathing had evened out and his force signature lay dormant and calm, did he begin to pick himself back up to retire to his cot.
Just as Obi-Wan had sat up, a hand shot out and grabbed hold of his wrist. Startled, Obi-Wan turned to find Anakin’s wide eyes already on him. «Don’t go,» he croaked, with an undercurrent of fear back in his voice.
Obi-Wan’s mouth fell open as his defensive need to run away warred with his want to cradle Anakin close. But was it really a war, when one side was winning without contest?
Oh, he was going to regret this when Anakin inevitably left. «Don’t worry,» he laid back down again under Anakin’s careful watch, «I’ll stay with you.»
Anakin nodded like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. As if to reassure himself further, he slung an arm and a leg over Obi-Wan’s body and pulled him flush against himself. Obi-Wan’s face was pressed snugly against his chest as Anakin propped his chin on the crown of his head. Only then did he settle, the anxiety slowly bleeding out of him.
An old, aching wound that had been constantly weeping since the day Anakin had been lost finally saw a moment of relief. This was safety, this was home, and Obi-Wan had to savor every second of it.
The faint sounds of desert life outside combined with the wind to create a gentle lullaby. Anakin was warm and at ease, wrapped around Obi-Wan like a blanket. He wished he could stay like this forever, tucked away into this forgotten little corner of the universe.