Chapter Text
Hyunjin~
It was the night of our gigantic promotion on Mnet. After all the chaos of filming, I was finally alone with Chanie at our dormitory. I wanted to say something about his behaviour during the shoot, but he was trying so hard to keep up appearances and act as if nothing was wrong. It was almost like he thought I wouldn't notice how upset he was (was it with me?). Yet even through his 'cool' facade, I could sense that something was bothering him underneath.
"What's your problem?"
"What?"
"Don't act so naive. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"No, I don't, seriously."
"Don't fan the flames of my anger, Chan."
I shout.
"Don't shout, okay? I, too, can raise my voice. Changbin and Jisung could arrive anytime soon. We will talk about this later."
"Yeah! This is what I dislike about you. You never talk about any problems. You just start acting cold. How am I supposed to know what's happening to you? You have to tell me!"
"See, I'm not in the mood right now. I don't wanna create any scenes. Changbin and Jisung would arrive any minute. We don't want them to know all this now, do we?"
"Yes. I do. I want to tell them everything, I need to make sure they know. This doesn't make any sense to me anymore, and I'm at a loss for how to handle it. How do I untangle your emotions and try to find the meaning behind your sudden, unpredictable anger? It's overwhelming, and I don't know who or where to turn. I'm not able to understand you. I need someone to help me understand you and your stupid anger."
"If you can't understand me, then what's the point of this relationship?"
"Ah, there it is. You finally said it. Congratulations. You accepted that you don't feel that this relationship has value in your eyes! How very impressive of you! I've been head over heels for years now and here you are admitting defeat - to a relationship that you had no faith in at all."
This insanity was gonna lead me to the biggest heartbreak of my life. Only if I knew...
My vision goes blurry. I cry, I sob, and I cry, but no tears are falling. It's a lie. But I am trying to hold it all in. I'm trying to remain strong. My eyes start to glisten, and I bite my lips. I look away as if I'm ashamed. My vision blurs, it's hard to see through my tears and the dim light of the dorm.
"Hyunjin-ah..."
He says, but we hear someone knocking on our main door.
"Go and open the door, Chan. I need to be alone for some time."
I say this as he moves out. I slam the door shut, rage consuming my every move. He walked away without so much as a glance back. My body feels limp and heavy as I collapse onto my bed, tears streaming down my face. My chest is heaving in a wave of emotion. How did it all crumble so quickly? We were so happy; how could our love have devolved into this twisted mess? This was not the future I had dreamed of! Should I end it here and now? But why can't I push him away? No matter how he acts, part of me still loves him with all my heart. Damn this weak and foolish side of me that clings to him.
Only if I dared to stand up for myself.
I close my eyes as tears roll down my face, feeling the warmth of them against my skin. I try to will away all the pain, hurt, and anger I feel at this moment. But it still lingers. I think back on all that has happened in our relationship and how we have come to be where we are today. It's only been a few weeks since things started to go wrong, and yet it feels like it was years ago. We had so many plans for our future, but now they seem like nothing more than distant dreams.
Who knew? This was just the beginning of our fights.
•
I hear a knock on my door. I open my eyes and see that night has fallen. I fell asleep from all the crying. My breath hitches, and I sit up and wipe away the dry, flaking tears on my cheeks with my sleeve. The pain doesn't even register. I open the door.
"Hyunjin-ah! Where were you? This is the third time I'm knocking on your door."
Changbin Hyung tenderly cradles my face in his hands. I attempt to jerk away quickly, not wanting him to notice the dried tears that remain on my cheeks and the redness of my eyes from crying. He is extremely observant when it comes to people.
"Hyung, I was sleeping. I was so tired. And now I'm hungry. Cook something for me, please."
He grins and takes my hand, leading me towards the kitchen.
"What do you want to eat?"
"Anything Hyung. I'm super hungry."
"Okay. Let's make ramen. With some omelette."
"Sounds good. I'm sitting in the living room. I wanna watch my series."
"Fine. I'll bring it there. Go and enjoy."
I take a seat on the couch and begin to watch my favourite show. The main door opens, and Chan marches in, not even making a glance at anyone. He quickly makes his way to his room, closing the door behind himself.
Rude.
Perhaps destiny was preparing me to face the rudest side of Chan.