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The air was thick with toxic gloom. Breathing was a struggle, and Link’s friends succumbed to the miasma. Sheer willpower wasn’t enough to give them strength. One by one, they fell as Ganondorf displayed his amusement. It was a similar scenario a thousand years prior, and what a joy to see it again.
“Do not look away. You witness a king’s revival and the birth of his new world!” Ganondorf spread his arms and bathed himself in the power of the secret stone. This was a millennium in the making, and the world of darkness he always wanted was mere steps away. The only thing left standing between him and his dream was Link, the hero who wielded the sword that seals the darkness. Ganondorf readied his stance, his arm ready to slice his foil.
“But where was the blonde-twink fool?” Ganondorf thought.
Ganondorf looked around and found no sign of Link. He was a hero, and they don’t run away from fights, specifically when their world depends on it. Link was still here. Ganondorf could still smell the stink of overbearing heroism, much like what he smelled when Rauru sealed him. Then he heard it… It was the sound of light-footed steps behind him. Ganondorf turned around, but he was too late.
Ganondorf heard the sound of a bell, and he could see a bright green circle aimed at his massive ass. He knew what it was, and for a split-second, Ganondorf questioned if Link would actually do it. He was a hero! A paragon of justice and morality. He wouldn’t desecrate his honor with a plan so shameful, wouldn’t he? Ganondorf could have stepped aside or kicked Link away in that split-second of doubt. By the time Link’s head ascended, Ganondorf knew it was too late.
“AHHHHHHHH!” Ganondorf screamed. He has fought a hundred battles and felt the pain of a thousand wounds, but the pain he felt right now could not compare. It was a pain that ripped him from the inside as Link continued to push up his rectum. Ganondorf waved his word, hoping it would wound the blonde twink nose diving inside him. But his blade could not reach him as Link’s body was already halfway inside.
“GET OUT OF ME! GET OUT!” Ganondorf yelled. His desperate pleas fell on deaf ears. As Link dug deeper inside Ganondorf, the “Master Sword” glowed in multiple colors. Its power increased, and in one massive blast, Ganondorf exploded in a pile of flesh and blood.
Link stood victorious against his foe. He was covered head-to-toe in blood, but his face remained blank. The other sages had seen what he did and were stunned at what they were about to say. And in the silence, Yunobo was the first to speak.
“Link. What the fuck, Goro?”