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Beatrice never wore shorts. And yeah Ava knows that's not really something that's suspicious on its own, lots of people don’t like wearing shorts or showing their legs. Ava completely believes that it is their right to do so. . .
But in 45 degrees celsius? During a heat wave? There’s no way Bea isn’t heating up like an oven in that black jumpsuit. She can even see the clear evidence, the way Beatrice uses her handkerchief (because of course she always carries one) to swipe at her face elegantly every two minutes, and she definitely doesn’t miss the way her girlfriend's face and neck are reddening to the point of concern.
She doesn’t say anything though, just keeps on walking next to Beatrice (their hands not quite touching) through the streets of Madrid, trying not to show her concerns too much (She knows Beatrice well enough to know that the nun would take more offence to that than appreciate it).
She knows something is truly wrong when Beatrice swears “Damn it to hell!” immediately following it up with a cross sign. Ava is too concerned to even think about how endearing that is.
“Having trouble?” Ava tries not to show the anxiety in her voice, she’s not entirely sure it works.
“No . . . Yeah. I just think I need to focus more,” Beatrice is already swaying while saying this and Ava does not have a good feeling about this. “Just need some water I think-”
If Ava didn’t have the halo supporting her, she’s not entirely sure she could’ve saved Beatrice from being a pile on the floor, because she had promptly fainted. Ava took the executive decision that it was in their best interest to find the nearest motel and let Bea rest for a while before trying to find the coordinates of the Madrid headquarters, since you know she was the only one who hadn’t fucking fainted!
The nearest motel just happened to be one of the most shady and extremely grimy places, but she didn’t really think Bea would mind if she just sprayed some (a lot of) disinfectant on every possible surface.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!
Ava’s head is full of a voice (sounding eerily like Sister Frances) scolding her without respite, when they finally reach the door of the shady motel they were crashing at for the night. Good thing about shady motels is they don’t ask questions when you drag your knocked out girlfriend into their lobby, probably a bit concerning in any other circumstance, now that Ava thinks about it. It’s a bit of a struggle to get in with a practically unconscious Beatrice, but she manages it.
She walks Bea over to the bathroom and gently sets her down on the closed toilet seat, all her emotions now escaping her body in the form of tears. She draws all the curtains and blasts the air conditioning, promptly ignoring aforementioned lines of salt trailing down her cheeks.
Ten minutes later with the room having been newly sanitised with their emergency cleaning kit (because of course Beatrice has one), Beatrice comes back to the world in Ava’s arms. They are lying on the bed, her body resting atop Ava’s so that the ice pack positioned on her head can be secured by her hand. The memory comes flooding back and the sniffles she hears behind her only spur on the guilty feeling flooding her veins.
“Hey Bea, how’re you doing honey?” Ava sounds oh so gentle but Beatrice knows that her girlfriend is not happy about the events of the day. Wanting to get done with the conversation or preferably avoid it completely, Beatrice immediately responds with, “I’m so sorry Ava. I should have been hydrating myself more often, we can be on our way now. I’m sure we haven’t lost that much time.”
She has gotten up and is halfway through the door when Ava finally finds her voice through the shock, “Honey Bea, slow down, it's okay. You got overheated and fainted, you cannot possibly go out in those clothes again. Here, borrow some of mine.”
Ava doesn’t notice the rigidity that settles into Beatrice at those words, at least not until she is turning around with a pair of shorts and an extra muscle tee she has for emergencies.
“That is not at all necessary, Ava. I’m quite alright in my clothes,” her monotone voice suggests that she has started to check out of the situation and Ava knows that they will get nowhere with this discussion if that happens.
“Okay, it's okay you don’t have to. Could you please come sit down for a moment though?” Ava phrases that as a question but they both know that that is not the case, it is a demand, something Ava seldom does.
“I’m worried about you Bea-”
“I apologise for that, it was not my intention.” Okay not the right way to approach this Silva.
“Hmm, okay let's move on from that. Why don’t you tell me why you don’t want to wear more weather appropriate clothes?” Ava is really really trying here, and Beatrice can see that, so she gives the question a few thoughtful minutes before answering, “I don’t look good in them. They show my scars.”
“Oh honey but those are battle scars. I may not believe in God but I sure do know that those are marks of bravery, gotten while protecting His work.”
“Not those ones.” She’s ashamed to even mention it. Beatrice doesn’t want to do this right now. She doesn’t want Ava to realise what a repulsive creature she is and leave her here. Not when she finally knows what it means to have an Ava in her life.
The profound stillness that ensues after her near confession serves only to amplify her concerns. What kind of worthless warrior resorts to self-inflicted suffering in order to maintain a semblance of stability? Nobody desires the presence of a monstrous being like me.
“I do though,” Only when Ava’s voice cuts through her thoughts does Beatrice realise that she has blurted all her thoughts out loud. “And you’re not worthless. You are an amazing human being with a beautiful soul who has been through so much -and I’m sorry for swearing- so much goddamn shit!”
When Beatrice’s lips upturn just the slightest bit Ava feels like she is on top of the world. She will do anything and everything she can to make sure her Booboo never gets a booboo again ( ha! ).
Even then Ava doesn’t try to push Beatrice to show her skin, and while she does insist that her ‘Booboo’ wear lighter colours in the heat, she never forces or even brings up the topic unless prompted by Beatrice herself. She never says no to having sex in the dark, or gets offended when Beatrice never lets them shower together.
She knows it's not good, but she also knows that slip ups happen, so when Beatrice exits their bathroom with a guilty look, Ava tells her that she still loves her, gives her cuddles and is extra careful not to touch her thighs
And so on a particularly good day (she has been clean for 3 months now) after the Holy war is over, and they are finally settling into a more mundane life, Beatrice exits the bathroom wearing a pair of jean shorts.
It’s not supposed to be anything special, just a pair of white jean shorts Camila got her for her. They don’t even show her scars unless she crouches. But Ava cannot help the tears that run down her face.
“Is this okay?” Beatrice seems nervous and Ava definitely cannot have that. “More than Honey Bea! You look fantastic!” And when Beatrice blushes at that Ava decides to take it up a notch.
She gives her girlfriend a hug and whispers into her ear, “And once we come back from the brunch I’m going to show you just how much I appreciate this new step.” It’s been a while since Ava has seen Bea’s Gay Panic™ and it is still as pleasing as it was in Switzerland.