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Jason felt great as the Batmobile raced through the dark streets back to the Cave — somehow both relaxed and buzzing with energy at the same time, the way he usually was after a job well done, be it an essay he’d aced or a successful night of patrol.
He hummed out of tune, staring out of the window at the setting sun and drumming his fingers on his thigh as he replayed the fight with Ivy in his head. It was not the first time he and Batman had to face to her together, but it was definitely the most pissed-off Jason had ever seen her. Some rich schmuck somehow — honestly, Jason knew very well how — got permission to convert a third of the park area into a shopping center, and the idiots who authorized the construction managed to keep the plans under wraps until now. So instead of Ivy trashing just, like, one office building where those plans had been developed, she ended up terrorizing everyone inside and around the fenced-off part of the park, where the machinery had already been hard at work by the time she arrived.
Two hours and twenty-four saved civilians later, Batman and Robin were finally free to leave, which left them with a comfortable amount of time to get a breather — and some dinner — before heading back into the city, this time for patrol.
“Hey, B,” Jason said, turning away from his window. Finally done congratulating himself on being agile enough not to get caught by any of Ivy’s vines and not panicking when one of them squeezed a backhoe next to him into a metal ball, he was ready to give some thought to the important subject of food. “You remember those mini pizzas Alfie left us in the freezer before he left? You wanna have those for dinner?”
Next to him, Bruce grunted. Hardly an unusual response, Jason thought, rolling his eyes. But then something pinged at the back of his mind, causing him to eye Bruce again, carefully and even a little worriedly this time.
“B?”
Only the creaking of the wheel against Bruce’s gloves answered him as the man’s grip tightened. If Jason thought something might be wrong before, now he knew it for sure.
“What’s wrong?” He demanded, trying to sound calm and probably failing.
His mind raced through the possibilities as his mentor paused. Did Bruce get hurt? There were definitely enough metal parts flying around as Ivy destroyed the machinery… But Jason didn’t see any injuries while they talked to the police or when they were walking away afterwards. But if Bruce wasn’t hurt, then… was he mad? Jason shrank in his seat, his good mood quickly evaporating as he thought back to all the stupid jokes he kept throwing while guiding the civilians to safety and then while talking to Gordon. Perhaps he overdid it…? Shit, he definitely overdid it, Jason realized, remembering the Commissioner wincing at some of those jokes that were, admittedly, kind of crude, though they felt cool in the moment.
Bruce’s tight voice put a stop to Jason’s spiraling thoughts.
“Nothing’s wrong,” he said levelly, but Jason could tell that wasn’t the truth.
“Don’t lie,” he hissed, equal parts anxious and annoyed. “Are you mad? Was it because of that joke I—”
“Jay, I’m not mad,” Bruce cut in, sounding surprised. “Why would I be? You did well today, lad. There isn’t anything to be mad about.”
Feeling wrong-footed, Jason blinked as he stared at the side of Bruce’s face. But it gave him no clues. Jason could rarely read his mentor’s expressions even when he could see them, and right now, he could not do even that, because Bruce’s cowl was still down.
“But then… What is it?” He asked in a small voice that sounded entirely too vulnerable for his liking. “Are you — are you hurt?”
Another long pause answered him, cementing his suspicions. Jason’s worry flared again as he realized that he had absolutely no-one to help them if Bruce’s injury turned out to be serious. Alfred was away on his annual vacation, and Dick was in Bludhaven. An image of Bruce, chalk pale and unconscious, flashed before his eyes before Jason made himself stop panicking. He was no longer a scared little kid watching his mom fade away. He was Robin, and he would deal with this… whatever this was.
“You’re hurt,” Jason said, firmer now that he had himself back under control, but knowing that his self-control was tenuous. “You should tell me about your injury. Actually, you should’ve done it back there! Tell me now, so I can prepare. What am I going to need? Bandages? A—”
“Jason, Jason, stop.” His mentor’s calm and steady voice penetrated through the panicked haze that Jason had not realized was descending on him once again. “I am fine. I’m not hurt.”
“What then?”
Jason saw Bruce clench his jaw, still without turning his head.
“I was hit with pollen,” Bruce said, just loud enough to be heard over the sound of the car racing along the road. Which wasn’t all that loud, but the effect the words had on Jason would have been the same had Bruce been yelling at the top of his lungs. “Ivy didn’t use it a lot tonight, but at one point, I blocked her way as she tried to hurt a civilian, and she attacked me. The antidote didn’t work, so she must have changed it again. I… Jay? Are you alright?”
He was finally looking at Jason, sounding worried, but Jason’s fear for his mentor had been replaced by mind-numbing horror. Something hard pressed uncomfortably into his back, probably the seatbelt hanger, and Jason realized he had scooted as far back in the small space of the car as he could without even noticing. He stared back at Bruce, breath hitching.
“Jason?” Bruce looked away from him just long enough to hit the autopilot button and then fixed Jason with a worried look again. But all Jason could think about was how Bruce had both his hands free now, free to reach out and grab him, and Jason had absolutely nowhere to go and no hope of escaping. “Jay?” And then one of those huge hands was moving towards him.
“No!” Jason shrieked, pressing himself against the door, as if he could fall through it and escape to safety. “No, don’t touch me!”
To his surprise, the hand disappeared with alacrity. In the next moment, Bruce ripped off his cowl, and Jason was left staring at his mentor’s pale face that looked surprised and worried.
“I’m not going to touch you, Jay,” Bruce said gently after a few beats of silence, during which the only sound audible above the rumble of the engine was Jason’s labored breathing. “I promise. I know you aren’t comfortable being touched by me, so I won’t.”
Jason swallowed. It was the understatement of the century, he thought through his panic. By now, he had mostly become convinced that Bruce had taken him in with no ulterior motive and wouldn’t just… change his mind and hurt Jason when he felt like it. So Jason was slowly relaxing, no longer jolting when Bruce touched him. Not even just during training or in the field, where it was necessary, but at home, too. And Bruce was always careful with him, always hyperattentive to any signs of discomfort he might show. His hugs were awesome when Jason was calm enough to accept them, warm and encompassing and safe — and ended the moment Jason wanted them to, reinforcing the feeling of safety.
But that was all Jason could take, all he could stomach. From anyone, but especially from Bruce. Only… only it wouldn’t be just hugs now, not when Bruce was high on pollen. Jason had never experienced it himself, but, on the streets, becoming the victim of someone who had gotten hit with sex pollen had been one of everyone’s worst fears. Hugs wouldn’t be enough to satisfy that burning, Jason knew — what he didn’t know was how many… times it would take until Bruce was done. Definitely more than one, that was for sure. How long would it go on…?
“But you won’t be able to stop yourself,” Jason muttered, almost choking on his fear.
A rueful smile ghosted across Bruce’s face, and he shook his head sadly.
“Don’t worry, Jay,” he replied gently. “You are safe, I promise. We are almost home, and, once we arrive, I will start synthesizing the antidote and then go to my room and stay there. It will be… unpleasant, yes, but I will still be me. I won’t be out of control.”
Chancing a glance out of the window, Jason saw that they were, indeed, nearing the Manor — and though Bruce looked uncomfortable, he still seemed like himself, so maybe… maybe Jason would have enough time to hide once they got home. He would really prefer if Bruce locked himself in a containment cell rather than his bedroom, to be honest, but Jason didn’t feel like arguing. He would just hide somewhere in the Manor, and — and Bruce wouldn’t find him. It was going to be fine, he told himself over and over.
Jason kept his hand clenched on the door handle, ready to spring out the moment the car stopped. He was glad Alfred wasn’t home, both because he was safe from Bruce — Jason shuddered at the idea that Alfred might get hurt — and because there would be nobody to enforce the No Bat Business Above Ground rule today. Jason was not taking off his suit in the Cave this time.
He was off like a shot the moment Bruce parked the car, not even bothering to look back. Despite Bruce’s reassurances, he kept expecting a huge hand to grab him by the cape and yank him back as he raced up the stairs. But nothing like that happened, and soon, Jason emerged in the study, alone and safe. He did not pause there, just continued onwards until he found himself in his own room. He slammed the door shut, locking it and leaning back against it.
Only then did Jason allow himself to breathe easily. He could not, would not go through… that again.
He would be safe.
***
It was two hours before Jason dared to emerge from his hiding spot in the attic. He didn’t really want to, but, unbelievably enough… he was bored out of his mind. By now, he was also hungry, his stomach cramping with hunger, but that didn’t really matter that much. Jason had gone hungry for far longer than that. But his panic had gradually faded as the house remained quiet, and nothing happened, until it transformed into boredom. And that turned out to be harder to endure. In his haste to leave his room after changing, Jason had even left his phone there, so there was absolutely nothing to do in the attic except stare at the walls or go through boxes upon boxes of some old shit.
Closing the door soundlessly behind him, Jason hesitated. Perhaps he should go to the library, he thought. He could get a book and just read until it was safe to come out. But Jason had a big test the day after tomorrow, and he took school seriously. Bruce had even told him that they would leave for patrol a little later than usual tonight, and Jason would not go at all tomorrow, because he needed to study. He really should’ve grabbed his school bag before leaving the room, but that thought didn’t even cross his mind.
Jason bit his lip. It would be fine, he told himself. Bruce had said he would be in his room, and he always kept the door closed when he was inside. Jason just needed to be quiet, and that, he could easily do. He had always known how to be stealthy, he had to — first, to avoid Willis and his angry moods, later, not to get caught while stealing, and now, as Robin.
Mind made up, Jason crept along the halls towards his room. Despite his resolve, his heart was in his throat, and he was so on edge he was ready to take off running at any moment. Passing a mirror, he almost jumped out of his skin when he saw his own reflection moving out of the corner of his eye, and had to press both his hands against his mouth to keep himself from screaming. Twice, Jason almost turned back, but he hated the idea that he was a coward, so he steeled himself and made himself move forward.
Finally, Jason found himself around the corner from the hall where his and Bruce’s bedrooms were. Pausing, he held his breath and listened. He heard nothing, so he dared to creep to the very edge of the wall and slowly peer around the corner. The hall was empty. Just a few more seconds, and he would get to his room, grab his backpack and run away again. He could do it. He could.
Jason took a step towards his door, and then another one — and then nearly had a heart attack when he heard a sound coming from the end of the hall, where the master bedroom was located. Ears buzzing, Jason gasped and started backing away, preparing to run, before he realized it was not the sound of an opening door. It was… wailing.
Bruce was wailing.
The sound cut off as abruptly as it had come. Jason froze, shocked and uncertain. This was not a sound he had ever heard or even imagined Bruce making. It was a sound that didn’t even seem to exist in the same universe as Bruce. Jason worried his lip between his teeth. Was it really that bad, he wondered? Was the pollen’s effect really that torturous? Jason had never really thought about what the people hit with it experienced, but if it was really that horrible, horrible enough to make even Batman wail like that, then…
Jason still did not think it was a good enough excuse to rape someone. But it was enough to make him think they might be… victims, too.
The sound came again, quieter this time. As if hypnotized, Jason moved forward, not taking his eyes off Bruce’s door. He did not fully realize what he was doing until he found himself standing just a few feet from it. Only then did he come to his senses. Panic flaring again, Jason stumbled back, suddenly convinced that the door was about to open and that Bruce was going to rush through it, grab him, and…
The door remained firmly closed, however, and Jason’s panic gradually faded. Taking a deep breath, he made himself calm down and was just about to turn around and creep away when another sound filtered through.
Bruce was crying.
Jason had to bite down on his lip hard to keep himself from reacting. He glanced around the hall, as if looking for someone who could tell him what to do. Obviously, there was no-one. Jason shuffled from foot to foot nervously. Should he leave, he wondered? It was clearly the safest thing to do — and the sanest. But Bruce was hurting in there, so badly he was sobbing, and Jason… couldn’t leave him.
He had to help.
For a moment, he contemplated calling Dick. He was pretty sure the first Robin must have had to deal with something like this, too, so Dick probably knew what to do. But what was the point? Jason already knew what needed to be done, and there was nothing else Dick could do but tell him to grit his teeth and bear it. Lie back and think of… Gotham, or something.
Jason stared at the door handle, as if transfixed. His mind was already made up, and yet he could not bring himself to take the last few steps to Bruce’s room. He knew he had to do it, but — but he could already feel the old dread rising inside him, feel the hands tugging at his clothes, grabbing him, holding him down… Then rose the memory of the pain, but Jason shied away from it, knowing that if he let himself remember it fully, he would chicken out.
Sucking in a shuddering breath, Jason closed his eyes. He’d done it before, he told himself, and more than once. And willingly… or something like it. Well, willingly or not, he’d done it for a lot less than this, anyway. A few bucks or some food — that was a lot less valuable than helping someone who had taken him in, gave him warm clothes, a roof over his head and good food, not to mention an education and a chance to help the city… and never asked for anything in return. Not even now.
What was one more time, anyway…?
He was Robin. He could do this. He helped people… and he would help now, too.
Jason forced himself to unfreeze. Think of nothing, he ordered himself, just do it — one foot in front of the other.
Hand raised and hovering just above the handle, Jason paused one last time as it suddenly occurred to him that the door was probably locked. And besides, Bruce would never barge into his room without knocking. Actually, he never came in at all so that Jason could feel safe there. Jason had to respect his space, too.
Taking the plunge, Jason knocked. For a few moments, nothing happened — so he could still get away, still do the… selfish thing. But he was Robin, and he had to do the right thing. So Jason knocked again, this time more loudly and insistently. And this time, he knew he had been heard. He had to plant his feet to make himself stay and tamped down hard on the dread that was rising again. There was no way back now.
There was the sound of footsteps, very different from Bruce’s normal ones. It sounded like he was dragging his feet and stumbling, so this meant that Jason had been right to come. Bruce must be a real mess, he thought. A moment later, the door was unlocked, and then it opened. Bruce stood on the threshold, looking… Jason sucked in a sharp breath. Bruce looked completely wrecked. His eyes were red, and his face looked pale. His hands were twitching where he was holding onto the door frame with one hand and the door itself with the other. When he spoke, it was in a hoarse near-whisper.
“Jay?”
The quiet sound made him seem terribly vulnerable, and Jason felt his heart go out to his mentor.
“Hey, Bruce,” he muttered.
“What are you doing here?”
It was almost easy to say the next words.
“I came to help.”
Bruce furrowed his brows, but in the next moment, his gaze locked on Jason’s hand as Jason raised it, reaching out towards Bruce and doing his best not to let it tremble. He had to be brave now. Just for… just a little longer.
Bruce inhaled sharply, the sound coming out almost as a sob, and looked at Jason’s hand the same way a starved man would look at a hot meal. Still, he hesitated, his eyes flicking up to Jason’s.
“Are you sure?” He murmured. Unable to make himself speak, Jason nodded.
In the next moment, he found himself yanked almost roughly into a hug and froze when he hit Bruce’s body, almost smashing his face into his mentor’s chest. Tensing, he waited for Bruce’s hands to start wandering, but instead, the man just cradled him close, as close as was physically possible, and dropped his head to press his face into Jason’s hair. And then Bruce just stayed still, exhaling shakily and squeezing Jason almost painfully in his arms.
“Thank you, Jay,” he murmured into Jason’s hair before falling silent.
Heart beating wildly, Jason stood tense and trembling in Bruce’s embrace. But the more time passed without Bruce doing anything else, the more bewildered he became. The more… impatient, too. Jason knew what he had to do, had resigned himself to it, and he really wanted to get it over with before he lost his nerve. The last thing he wanted was to cry pathetically while Bruce fucked him or add the image of Bruce chasing him through the halls of the Manor to the array of his worst memories.
Carefully, he started pushing against Bruce, not trying to get out of the hold but nudging his mentor back inside the room. Bruce’s arms tightened a little more around Jason when he started moving, and he made a small sound of protest.
“C’mon,” Jason muttered, continuing to push. He was too small to physically move Bruce like that, so he needed to get the man to work with him. “Let’s go inside.”
Finally, Bruce complied, and Jason half-guided, half-dragged him back into the room and steered him towards the bed. It was all Jason could do not to panic at the sight of it, and he forced his mind to go blank as they neared it.
Bruce collapsed onto the bed, still not letting go of Jason, who ended up lying on top of his chest. Groaning, Bruce began to roll over, and Jason tensed even further, expecting to be shoved into the mattress and pressed down by Bruce’s heavy body. His fear seemed to be coming true as Bruce rolled onto his side and released Jason only to turn him over until Jason’s back was pressed to his chest and Jason was lying on his right arm. But... that was it. Bruce stopped as soon as they were both stretched out on their sides and wrapped Jason snugly in his arms again. Then he let out a long sigh and nuzzled into Jason’s hair contentedly.
And did not move again.
It took several minutes of stillness and silence for Jason to stop trembling and begin to relax, though he still had no idea what was happening. He had never come across a sex pollen victim before, so he had no idea what was supposed to happen, exactly. But he had expected Bruce to pounce as soon as he got the chance, so what on earth was he waiting for? And there wasn’t even any… sign of arousal.
“Bruce?” Jason dared to whisper after a few more minutes. Only silence answered him, and, with a jolt, Jason realized that the man’s breathing had evened out, and his arms had become a little less constricting. Bruce… had fallen asleep.
And even unconscious, he still seemed to be clinging to Jason.
More and more time passed, and, exhausted after his panic, Jason soon found himself nodding off as relief replaced his anxiety. With Bruce fast asleep, his embrace soon began to feel safe rather than threatening, and Jason did not notice as he, too, drifted off to sleep.
***
Jason woke slowly. He was warm and comfortable, but something seemed… off.
He tensed as his eyes flew open and frowned when he saw, in the dim light of the early morning, that he wasn’t in his room. This was… Bruce’s room, he realized with some alarm, because he never slept in here, never even came in here, really. Even more alarming was the heavy arm draped around him and the quiet, slightly whistling breaths behind him. Body rigid now, Jason tried desperately to remember what had happened and why he was here. It took a moment, but then the memory of the night before crashed over him, and he gasped in sudden panic, trying to sit up and panicking even more when he was hindered by the weight of Bruce’s arm.
Jason’s movements were uncoordinated and sloppy, and they weren’t enough to dislodge Bruce’s arm completely. All he managed instead was to wake Bruce up, and Jason’s panic ratcheted up even further when the arm still wrapped around him tightened again instead of loosening.
“No!” He yelled, pushing against it and kicking out wildly, trying to get away from the heavy body behind him. “No, please! Please, let me go!”
“Jay?”
In the next moment, the arm disappeared, and Jason scrambled forward and off the bed blindly, stumbling a little as his feet hit the floor. He whirled around, wide-eyed, and saw Bruce sitting up, frowning at him in confusion. The expression was quickly replaced with alarm, though, as he took in Jason’s terrified expression.
“Jason, what’s wrong? What happened?”
Panting, Jason darted a look around the room before rubbing his face with both hands. He shook his head, mentally taking stock of the situation. Nothing hurt, nothing was sore. By some miracle, he was feeling… fine, he realized with surprise, lowering his hands and staring at Bruce, who was now kneeling on the bed and eyeing him worriedly, one hand raised towards Jason slightly.
“Jaylad, please, talk to me,” he murmured, seeing that Jason had calmed down a little. “What happened?”
“N-nothing,” Jason managed to get out, still shaking, though more from relief and shock than panic now. “I’m fine.” He made himself take a deep breath. “Are you… ok? Is it still — still affecting you?”
Bruce frowned again, as if confused.
“Oh,” he said after a beat. “You mean the pollen? No, no, Jaylad, it’s no longer active.” He paused. “Thank you,” he continued, softer. “Thank you for helping me.”
Equal parts relieved and frustrated, Jason shook his head.
“But I didn’t. We didn’t — didn’t do anything.”
Bruce’s frown returned, even deeper this time.
“Do? What do you mean?”
Jason frowned too, bewildered.
“We just slept. You hugged me when I came in, and… well, that’s it.”
“I don’t understand.” Bruce shifted to sit cross-legged and lowered his hands onto his knees. “What else was supposed to happen?”
Jason found he was beginning to feel angry. Last night was nerve-wracking enough, and he really didn’t appreciate being made to spell it out.
“You were supposed to fuck me,” he spat out. “You got hit with sex pollen, what else could happen?”
At his words, Bruce jerked back, eyes going wide and horrified.
“What?” He breathed. “Jason, that’s — that’s not at all what… Sex pollen? Where did you get — why would you think that?”
Anger dimming in the face of Bruce’s horror, Jason blinked, nodding uncertainly.
“Wasn’t… wasn’t it?” He asked in a small voice. “You said you got hit. And on the streets — on the streets, they always said that’s what Ivy’s pollen does. That the worst thing that could happen is getting caught by someone doused in pollen.”
“Oh god.” Bruce lowered his head, closing his eyes. After a moment, he looked back up at Jason. “No, that’s not what it does. It’s… cuddle pollen,” he said quietly. “It causes the victim to crave physical touch, yes, but not sex, Jay. Just… contact. I’m so sorry I scared you. I thought you knew and didn’t want to be touched at all, not…” He trailed off, looking upset and uncharacteristically uncertain. “I’m sorry.”
Jason let out a breathless laugh, feeling light-headed.
“I can’t believe it,” he muttered, chuckling again, a little hysterically. All that worrying, and it turned out to be for nothing.
“But why did you come?” Bruce asked gently after observing him for a few seconds. “Especially if you thought… that?”
Tears of relief were slowly leaking out of Jason’s eyes, and he swiped them away impatiently.
“I wanted to help you,” he said thickly. “I came to get a textbook from my room and heard you… crying. I knew I couldn’t leave you. Not when you helped me so much.”
Bruce somehow looked both amazed and heartbroken at his admission.
“Oh, Jay,” he said softly. “Thank you. But I never want you to place yourself in danger to help me. You hear me?”
“But I wasn’t,” Jason protested, sniffling. “There wasn’t any danger, I just thought…”
“You thought there was,” Bruce finished. “And it would have been a horrible thing, if what you thought had been true. I couldn’t live with myself if anything like that happened.”
Jason bit his lip, realizing he never considered that. Bruce sighed and shifted, slowly getting off the bed and walking around it, watching Jason carefully all the time, as if he were a spooked animal. Strangely enough, Jason did not feel any alarm at his approach, despite all the recent anxiety. Seeing that, Bruce stopped right in front of him and reached out slowly to cup the side of Jason’s face.
“You’re the bravest person I know, Jay,” he murmured, wiping a tear from Jason’s cheek with his thumb before carefully pulling Jason into another hug and kissing his temple.
And Jason felt nothing but safe.