Chapter Text
"We are sorry, but it turns out that you have congestive heart failure."
everything turned blure, I didn't hear much, just the sobs from my mother in the background.
Why? Why me?
"How long do I have?" I silently asked the doctors. "Fortunately more than half of all people diagnosed with congestive heart failure will survive for only 5 years. With some luck you are one of the 35% that survives for around 10 years."
Five to ten years. How absurd. That is less then I've lived until now. Why did my stupid heart randomly decide that my life would end so soon?
Why am I supposed to leave this life so early?
What are they going to do?
Mom has no partner and works more than anyone I know. Dad left and tsumu-
Tsumu will be all alone.
He won't be able to eat properly, because mom works all the time and for God sake he can't cook.
He's going to come to late all the time since he nearly never wakes up on time without me.
He is going to continue having problems with everyone.
But I won't be there to help him.
I tried my best not to tear up while mom and I went home. I just looked out of the window of the car watching the scenery of the night. You could see the moon. It was half full and shined in a golden tone. I've always liked the night sky, it felt so big and far away but it also was always there when you would look up. Has the moon always been so bright?
I signed. Man I already start to think like an old men in his 80ies who's dying. I looked at the clock realizing that it was 9pm already.
Since I had practice and mom worked long we couldn't go earlier. But right now I was actually happy that it was this late. This way I at least could just go to bed instead of pretending to be okay for the rest of the day.
We arrived at home and mum and I started to walk to the door. But before she could open it i said
"Please don't tell atsumu about it." she looked at me quiet shocked. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I know it's a lot to ask, but I really don't want him to know before I've come to terms with it." I looked at the floor realizing that my eyes filled themselves with tears again.
"Okay hun." mum said. My head rushed up in shock. I must have looked super suprised by the look mum gave me.
"It's my job as mother after all to try my best to fulfill all my boys wishes." she softly smiled. " I can't guarantee you that I won't be crying sometimes tho. But don't worry, if tsumu sees me I will just make a story up." without saying one more word she turned around and opened the door.
Revealing a blond haired 16 year old boy eating
"MY PUDDING!!"
Atsumu startles up. He quickly moved his hands behind his back to hide the pudding.
"No." he simply said.
"You! GIVE ME MY PUDDING BACK!" and with that I started trying to catch atsumu, who started running away from me while screaming like a little child.
-
-
The next morning I didn't feel well.
My body felt heavy and I was tired like I haven't slept the whole night. Like yeah, I haven't slept well but not so few hours that I should feel that way. I just guessed that the whole stress was to much for my body.
Suddenly the door opened. "If you don't stand up in the next five minutes I'm not going to set you a single ball today." atsumu said while walking into my room. "Yeah yeah, my ass."
I pulled myself up and looked over at my identical looking twin. Well not fully identical. "Your hair looks as yellow as always." I said. "At least I don't look like a dying grandpa!" he said.
I fell silent realizing that my eyes got blur again.
Calm down samu, you can't let him know.
Not now.
Not so soon.
I looked at the floor trying to not show tsumu my face. We are incredible good at reading each other's faces. And if I would look at him now then he definitely would know that something is wrong. "Whatever you say." I awnsered him and simply went into the bathroom without looking at him."
-
-
"I see." coach said while kita was standing next to him. "Is this sickness gonna affect our games?" Kita asked. "No." I said.
I told Kita and Coach that im having a longer holding sickness, that is nothing serious, but I might take more breaks in between. I've also told them not to tell the others to avoid questions and confusion.
"Well then, I don't see a problem." Kita said and Coach nods.
"But make sure to not overdo it." he adds.
"I won't. Don't worry." and with that I went to the locker room to get ready.
Suna and aran where there when I arrived.
Aran has been mine and atsumus friend since we were young. We met at a volleyball teaching class for kids and have always been around each other since.
On the other hand is suna. I've only known him since our first year in high school, but we quickly became friends.
I actually would call him my best friend. He's really chill to hang out with and he always knows the newest drama in school.
"Hi." I said going to my locker.
"Atsumu is already finished. Is there a reason your so late today?" suna asks.
"That's right, usually atsumu is the one who always comes to late." aran adds.
I looked to the side. "Well, I couldn't really sleep well last night. So I kinda overslept a little." a small laughter left my mouth.
"That never happened before. But I guess everyone has their first time once." aran said. "I'll go ahead." he added and left the room.
"You're sure your alright?" suna asked.
"Well of course! It was only a bad dream after all."
I said trying to not let my voice shake. If there was a person I couldn't lie to, it was suna.
And he knew that.
"Samu. Look at me."
I slowly turned around and looked him in the eyes. He softly looked at me, analyzing every little detail of my face as if he wanted to read my thoughts.
I felt bad lying to him.
I felt bad lying to everyone.
But I couldn't help it. What was I supposed to do otherwise? Walk up to them all just saying "Ahh! By the way, I'm dying and will probably be dead in 5 years. Now let's start training!" that was not an option.
I wouldn't destroy this team.
I wouldn't destroy this friendship.
I wouldn't destroy my friends teen years.
Not only because mine are destroyed.
"Samu.
You're crying."
i heard rins voice.
"What?"
and only now I realized that tears were running down my face.
"Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to." I tried whipping them away, but only more tears started coming.
I whipped faster and faster starting to panic why they wouldn't stop.
Nonono!
I wasn't supposed to show emotions in front of anyone. Expecially not suna. He propaply would pull his phone out and film it, not knowing why I'm crying. But I can't tell him why.
More and more tears ran down my face and I started to breathe quicker and quicker with every second that passed.
Why doesn't this stop?
Why can't it all just stop?
Why couldn't my heart just have stopped right away instead of now making me suffer like this?
I barely got air anymore.
My legs and arms where shaking.
My eyes and nose running and my breath was uncontrollably.
I also couldn't hear anything, besides my own hectic breath, anymore.
Suddenly I felt two arms around me hugging me and a soft, warm breath against my hair.
"It's fine. Calm down. I'm here."
Suna hugged me.
He softly glid his hands over my back trying to calm down my shaking. "Just breath with me, okay?"
I slowly started to hear his breath and tried to calm my own down. Slowly but surely I got air again and stopped shaking.
"What about we both don't go to training today and simply grab some chocolate strawberries instead?" rin asked.
I looked at him in quite a disbelief. Suna is one of there people who only skips practice when he is sick. Nothing else ever made him skip it. As far as I know at least.
"You sure we can do that?" I asked.
"I mean, we have to tell coach first. But I think he will realize that you aren't feeling to well today. And Kita always puts health before practice. No matter if physical or mental. So yeah, I think we can do that." he softly smiled at me.
"Also who doesn't want to eat some nice chocolate strawberries?"
"Your right." I said feeling a little bit of releave. Suna let go of me and turned around. "I will tell Coach then. You wait here for me, kay?" and with that he left the locker room.
-
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"Can you believe it?! My sister and this guy?! Never in a million years he will treat her right! What does she see in him?"
suna ranted about the boyfriend from his 13 year old sister.
We were sitting on the grass next to a skate park with some chocolate strawberries and onigiri we bought.
Chocolate strawberries were kind of our thing.
We always ate them together when we were hanging out. It just somehow became our ritual of some sorts.
"Relationships at this age don't hold for more than a month anyways." I said. "Also your big brother acting is quite amusing." He looked at me quite pissed. Not in a serious way, but more in a 'stop mooking me' way.
"As if you would be better. Just wait till atsumu finds someone. Bet you won't be saying that then."
"I would have more empathy for that poor soul, who will have my brother as boyfriend." I said while a smirk was shown on my face.
"Valid." suna grabbed a strawberry and ate it in one piece.
"By the way. About earlier." suna started.
"You wanna talk about it?"
I sighned,
"Not really."
Rin looked at me.
"Okay. Just so you know I'm here if you wanna talk about it. Don't worry I only spill tea to you, not others." he said with a small smile on his face.
That is what I loved rin for.
He didn't make you talk about something if you didn't want to. Also-
"You only spill tea to me? So I am that special huh?" I said smirking at him.
A small laughter left his mouth. "maybe~"
he mockingly said.
-
-
"Where were you at?" tsumu asked after I opened the door to the living room.
He layed on the couch, eyes focused on the TV where the newest episode of bnha was playing. He has been opssesed with that show for a month now.
"I was at rins."
I walked over to him and sat down.
"You're watching bnha again? Isn't it getting kinda boring by now?"
"No way! Shigarakis fight here is so cool!" he said, his eyes shining like the ones of a small child.
"Yeah yeah, the father issues and missunderstandings and all. Sooo relatable yes yes."
I mockingly said. It's crazy how opssesed he can be with some things sometimes.
"Says the one who's favorite character is dabi."
"YOU!" and with that we started arguing once again.
From the outside it might look childish and crazy that we were arguing so wildly about everything, but it has always been that way.
"You remember when we were eight and fought over the last soda?" I asked tsumu.
He looked at me in suprise. "I think so. But where does this come from now?"
I didn't awnser right away because I seriously didn't know what to say.
"WAIT! You didn't eat my last soda, didn't you?" tsumu suddenly screamed at me.
"no no I didn't. Man, calm down. I just remembered it."
I stood up.
"Imma go shower."
and with that I left.
-
-
"You already ate one yesterday!"
"As if you didn't eat one yourself!"
Back then it was a hot summer. There were no clouds in the sky all day and it hasn't rained since many days.
Tsumu and I just came back from school when we decided that we wanted to eat soda.
When we looked into the freezer tho there was only one soda left and none of us wanted to go out and buy new ones.
Kinda stupid thinking about it, because just one street away from us was the next supermarket.
We fought for good 30 minutes just to realize then that the soda that had been laying on the table already melted.
So in the end none of us got what they wanted.
Shortly after that Atsumu got sick.
At this moment I kinda felt bad about screaming at tsumu so much. I mean we do it all the time and that fight didn't make him sick, but for some reason I still felt bad this time.
So on the next day I took my own money with me and bought a box full with ice cream after school. When I arrived home I walked right away into the kitchen, took out two spoons and ran into our room.
"Tsumu, you awake?" I asked.
A soft voice replied "What do you want. If you stay here you will get sick too, you know?"
He sounded as if he just stopped crying.
I walked up to him until I stood next to the bed. His head was turned away from me, facing the wall. I sat down on the bed looking at him.
"But who will eat the ice cream with me then?"