Chapter Text
Craig had mixed feelings about nights in the city. On one hand, they were surprisingly calm, since Tweek worked night and everyone else was typically worn out from the day. On the other, he couldn't see the stars as well as he could back in south park. There were always a few bright stars poking through the light pollution, but never enough to make looking at the sky interesting for more than a moment or two. Though that moment was usually calm and comfortable.
Stripe clucked up at Craig from her spot in his lap. he smiled, petting her between the ears, before turning the page of his book and settling a little deeper into the patio furniture on his and Tweek’s balcony. Stripe, a good book, a cool fall evening, fuzzy socks, and some good tea. All that was missing was Tweek and it would be a perfect, and well-deserved, self-care night.
He glanced up to the sky, watching a streak of light slowly pass overhead, before turning back to his book. A moment passed, and Criag looked up again, this time desperately scanning the sky for whatever passed above.
“Oh god,” Craig shook his head, before looking down at Stripe and scratching between her ears, “your other dad’s stories about aliens and shit‘s getting to me.”
Stripe clicked her teeth,
“What are you-” Craig looked up, only to see a large, stereotypical alien saucer floating in front of him, “What the shit?”
For a moment, Craig froze, before he pushed back, scooping Stripe up in one hand and climbing up the back of his chair. He could practically hear Tweek losing his entire shit over the existence of aliens, especially so close to him.
The ship began to hum and a large window glowed. A spotlight suddenly illuminated Stripe, and she began to float away.
Craig had seen enough space movies to recognize a tractor beam, and a tractor beam actively stealing his guinea pig child.
“Oh shit no” Craig gasped, gently grabbing Stripe, only for the tractor beam to keep pulling, even when Craig was fully braced against the railing of the balcony, “fuck you!”
For a moment they stood in a stalemate, Craig's arms fully out, knees locked, feet braced against the railing, leaning away and desperately holding on to Stripe for both of their lives, then the ship move up, and the pair shot upward like a cannon.
Craig held on desperately as his metaphorical daughter was dragged into the ship, only for him to be dropped on the outer edge of the ship.
“Shittttt” Craig gasped as he slid down the ship, his fuzzy socks slipping against the freezing cold metal before his hand found some kind of handle on the outside of the ship. Craig gasped and clung to the handle as he glanced down.
The lights of the city were slowly growing further and further away.
His stomach flipped as he began desperately trying to open the hatch, pulling up with all his might. Nothing gave until Craig pushed up and the hatch slid, revealing a cavity. He groaned in frustration and jumped in.
The space was cold, dark, tight, and filled with wire and tubes and god knew what else, but Craig didn't focus on any of that. He mostly focused on cursing himself out.
‘This was fucking stupid, why the hell did I do this,’ Criag slowly tried to maneuver somewhere through the darkness guided only by fairly pulsing tubes of light. He only made it a few steps before stepping into nothingness and falling, “SHIT”
Craig's life flashed before his eyes, moments of comfortable monotony intercepted by confusing chaos.
‘Of course my last moments alive are going to be annoyed.’ he thought, before landing, crashing into something, and everything went dark.
It was cold, a prickly, bitter sort of cold that seeped into Craig's bones and lungs, clotting his veins and muscles. Craig opened his eyes slowly, staring up into the darkness above him. For a moment he laid there, laid in the cold pins and needles, staring up into endless darkness, cut only by the faintly glittering tubes above him.
Then he sat up. His heart was racing, pounding fast and hard. He glanced around, before crying out, "Ah!"
Whatever machine he had landed on was now a crumpled mess, gears and cords littered the floor, the outer shell of the machine was crumpled around where Craig had landed, and a strange black orb rolled lazily across the floor, while above dozens of tubes that had once fed into the machine dripped a thick luminescent down onto the crumpled machinery, forming a thick pool of the matter. A pool Craig had been lying in.
Craig quickly attempted to climb off the device, only to halfway float down into a puddle of the same glowing goop, with his fuzzy socks. The floor was saturated with the glowing material, a shallow sea of neon material. He lifted his foot, and the matter floated back down to the pool,
“Blegh.” he gaged, moving quickly through the glowing matter to one of the few dry spots closer to the inner wall, before pulling off the socks and tossing them aside. He would rather be barefoot and cold than have wet socks.
For a moment, Craig sighed, attempting to calm his heart down a bit more, before the ship suddenly shuttered, and Craig felt the ship begin to shift to a slight angle, the black orb once in the machine rolling toward the outer wall.
Craig looked around, before lunging toward what looked to be a maintenance door, kicking it open, and rushing through.
What Craig assumed was a voice speaking some kind of language crackled above as he rushed forward, running through the cold metal hallways.
He slid around the corner and dashed down the corridor, only for his feet to leave the floor.
Craig screamed, flipping around in a panic.
A pair of figures appeared in the corridor, also shocked by the apparent lack of gravity.
For a moment, the three stared at each other, Craig taking in the spindly grey figures, their big black eyes, and short, narrow mouth and them staring back at him.
Then Craig put his hand against the wall and pushed toward the creatures. The creatures (assumedly) screamed and desperately tried to float away.
Craig floated toward them as menacingly as he could, until he rounded the corner and gravity suddenly returned sending Craig to the ground. He landed on his stomach and groaned, glancing around.
Dozens of the spindly grey figures stood around them, each frozen in a blind panic. Craig jumped to his feet and glanced around, trying to figure out his next move.
He was in a crowded lab or workshop of some kind, what looked like tools hung on the walls and littered the benches, and raw material filled any open spaces.
Craig grabbed a length of grey metal and gestured it around. The creatures stared at him, before dissolving into pure freak-out, the figures screamed and began to rush around, leaving the room.
It was then that Craig noticed what one of them was holding,
“Stripe!” he yelled, lifting the metal and pointing it at the alien.
The figure carrying Stripe began to sprint, and Craig gave chase, legs pounding as the figure led him down hallways and through rooms, reaching with the metal pole,
The figure suddenly dashed into a corridor, and when Craig followed, his feet left the ground again,
“God-” Craig growled, before noticing the floating containers,
“Fucking-” he pushed down one of the containers with the length of metal, before bracing his feet against it,
“DAMN IT!” he pushed off, soaring through the air and drawing close to the alien carrying stripe.
They turned around and took a length of raw metal to the face, dropping Stripe and floating backward.
“Hey Stripe,” Craig smiled, gently poking her back into his chest. Stripe squeaked up at him, clinging to his shirt, “Let's get out of here, Tweek's gonna lose it.”
Craig braced up against a container again and pushed off, floating along the corridor for a few moments, when the lights started flashing followed by a loud siren cutting the air.
Craig flinched, covering one of his ears with a hand, “Uh oh.”
The pale figures began appearing from every corridor, rushing out in one direction. Craig figured that be the direction to go. He grabbed the first door that seemed to lead in that direction and threw himself inside.
Gravity was normal inside the room, and Craig landed, collapsing in an almost superhero-like pose.
“Ugh, is this what Mysterion feels like?” Craig asked no one as he pushed himself back up with the length of metal, "poor dude's knees."
Stripe squeaked up at him, a sound that echoed through the empty room. Then again. And again,
A symphony of squeaks filled the air as Craig looked around, finding only a large, walled table, inside of which, a ton of guinea pigs squeaked up at him.
There were 15 at a quick count and Criag fell in love almost instantly. He glanced around and grabbed one of the empty containers in the room.
“Ok guys, let's get you all out of here,” he whispered, slowly putting the creatures in the container, before carrying out the vague direction everyone else was moving.
The buzzing alarm scraped against Craig’s nerves as he rounded a corner, only to find a wall of empty holes.
Escape pods, and none left for him.
“Shiiiiiiit” Craig growled. He glanced around, before leaping at a maintenance door and ripping it open.
Craig wasn't sure what he was doing anymore. He had a box of guinea pigs tucked to his chest, bare feet, soaked pajamas, and no idea what to do next, so he ran, dodging around wires and tubes.
A wave of heat cut his panicked run, and Criag was face to face with an intact version of the device that had caught his fall.
Craig's hands were shaking.
The large box held a sphere, spinning wildly, but instead of the dark metal of the one Craig had crashed into, this one was multicolored and wildly shed a dazzling array of sparks across the floor, a circle of reddish heat.
He felt heavier as he
slowly flanked the machine. The air was hot and sharp and rang with the hum of overclocked machinery
Craig tasted it before it happened; air went thick and metallic, and the faint smell of burning carbon and ammonium stabbed the back of Craig's throat as he gasped for air.
He heard the first explosion, far off in the distance, and the ship suddenly listed, throwing Craig back into the cold outer wall of the ship.
The second one rang out and the ship began to drop, Craig faced the wall and crouched, baring his back to the device and shielding the box of guinea pigs tucked in his chest between his knees, before squeezing his eyes shut tightly.
Light leaked between his eyes as the final explosion rang out.
~~
If someone was standing in just the right spot that night, they would see the brightly glowing remains of an alien spacecraft slowly fall to earth, leaking a pulsing liquid that branched out, leaking into a shifting star as it slowly dug itself into the dirt.
And slightly behind it, a tightly clenched figure slowly floated to the ground.
~~
Craig would have been shocked to be alive if he could feel much of anything in the present moment.
There was grass below him, charred black, and the ship had buried itself halfway into the soft dirt of whatever park he landed in.
Craig took a breath. The air was cold, and he could taste the metallic burning of the ship and the sour burn of the charred grass.
The guinea pigs clucked up at him from their box, slowly coming back to life after the experience.
Craig stood up and walked away, holding the box close to his chest. His bare feet knew the way, even if his mind didn't.