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1.
Ronan wasn’t sure he would ever not be surprised by Adam Parrish. He knew him, sure, but the brilliance and newness of being something other than his friend was something he couldn’t shake. He felt clumsy and awkward and stupid around him, saying the wrong thing, acting the wrong way, not knowing what to do with all the happiness bubbling up in his chest. But then Adam would smile at him, that small private, warm smile that was just for Ronan, and Ronan’s heart felt like it would beat out of his chest.
He definitely didn’t know what to do when having a boyfriend in public. Nothing changed with their friend group now that Blue and Gansey were together and now so were Adam and Ronan. The most Blue and Gansey would do was blush and hold hands. Ronan didn’t want to think about what they did when no one was around. The most Ronan and Adam did in public was… nothing. Look at each other? Smile occasionally, maybe.
They didn’t talk about it, Ronan didn’t ask if Adam wanted to hold hands or kiss, assuming he didn’t because nothing changed. He was fine with it, really, because Adam’s enthusiasm and rushed kisses and desperate touches when they were alone were enough to get rid of any insecurity. But sometimes he was desperate for something .
Gansey and Adam had been studying at Monmouth, finals were coming up, and Ronan left them alone mostly, bringing by lunch and laying on the couch with headphones on. When Adam got up to leave to make his shift at Boyd’s, Ronan shot up, quick to follow him out. The Hondayota was there, no need for Ronan to drive him, but he was yearning for a moment alone with him. Gansey didn’t seem to notice, waving them off.
Ronan nearly stumbled down the stairs on his haste to put some distance between them and Gansey. He tried to stay casual, but his body was practically buzzing with nervous energy.
“When’s your shift done?” He knew when Adam’s shift was over, he had Adam’s schedule memorized for months.
“Nine,” Adam replied with a glance and a smirk. He pulled his backpack to his side so he could dig around for his keys. In his distraction, Ronan put himself between Adam and the door to his car, blocking his way. Adam looked up, keys in hand, with a smile and a tilt of his head, waiting.
Ronan’s tongue felt swollen. He opened his mouth and closed it again. The words were there, the sentence already formulated, all he had to do was ask it. Can I see you tonight? When can I see you again?
Adam grabbed his left hand with his right, squeezing it gently. “You coming over later?”
Ronan let out a grateful exhale. “Yeah,” he breathed.
“Good.” Adam smiled.
“Yeah,” Ronan smiled, too, “good.”
And then Adam was kissing him. Gentle, but firm, chaste, but with promise. Ronan felt weak-kneed, like his body melted to the ground, a puddle at Adam’s feet. Tucking his keys away, Adam reached forward to cup the back of Ronan’s head, keeping him steady, grounding him. They broke for a moment only to gasp into each other’s mouths and begin again. Ronan held onto his hand, gripping his hip in the other. He was so utterly consumed by Adam Parrish that he didn’t hear the large metal door to Monmouth open and close.
“Oh!” Gansey’s voice startled them both and Adam bit Ronan’s lip abruptly. Adam leaned back with a wince, letting go of Ronan to assess the damage.
“Jesus, Dick,” Ronan groaned, waving away Adam’s fingers at his bruised lip.
“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” Gansey said apologetically. He looked deeply uncomfortable. He held up a red spiral notebook. “Adam, you forgot your um…”
Adam snatched the notebook from his hand, “thanks, Gansey.”
Gansey lingered as Adam stepped back to put more distance between him and Ronan. Ronan took the hint and stepped away from the car door, letting Adam unlock the shitbox and get behind the wheel. The awkwardness continued with no sign of dissipating, so Ronan did what he did best. Avoidance.
He slapped the top of the car, tossed a “later, Parrish,” over his shoulder, and bailed.
2.
Some couples are comfortable with a lot of PDA - when everyone in the vicinity wishes they were less comfortable. Some couples balance a minimum amount of hand holding or small touches to remind their partner they’re not alone. In the week that followed the lip-biting incident, the most Ronan did with Adam was pinch his thigh under the table at Nino’s. That doesn’t count, does it?
He felt better when they were alone. He felt comfort just by Adam being with him in public, he didn’t have to do anything. And when he did - the time he pressed himself against Ronan from shoulder to hip in the booth at Nino’s - Ronan got so flustered he needed to pinch Adam’s thigh to put some distance between them.
Alone was reassuring. Alone was comfortable. Alone was safe. Alone was Adam pressing him against the kitchen counter and kissing him thoroughly . Alone was interrupted laundry trysts, desperate hands unbuckling belts and sliding underneath. Alone was full of whispered promises, pleas and prayers, only each other’s names on their lips. Alone was perfect.
Alone was also blissful Sunday mornings. Ronan in his church suit, Adam groggy, but awake to see him off, ready to go back to bed, spend the day at the barns homework-free, work-free for the first time all week. Adam was pouring coffee into a mug when Ronan came into the kitchen, fetching his keys off the hook at the wall, and walking over for a quick goodbye before he really was going to be late.
But Adam turned in the circle of Ronan’s arms, sleep-warm and mumbling a good morning with a thick honey Virginia accent, and Ronan was so, so lost. They kissed against the counter, tasting sour with spearmint and orange juice, but sighing sweet breaths between them. Adam’s hand cupped the back of his skull gently, his other arm thrown over Ronan’s shoulder, unabashed and content. Ronan could feel Adam’s lips quirk up in a smile against his.
“Eugh! Jesus .”
Ronan almost fell on his ass at how fast he stumbled back. Adam gripped his shoulder to keep him upright. He ducked his head, still smiling, amused.
“Good morning, Declan,” Adam said, biting the inside of his cheek as he tried to hide his grin at Ronan before turning around to resume making his coffee.
“Don’t you knock anymore?” Ronan asked, cheeks burning. He felt a cold rush, embarrassment creeping up his neck.
“Didn’t know I had to in order to enter the kitchen ,” Declan grumbled, his back turned to them now, hand gripping the door frame. “Seems unsanitary to me.”
“Do you want some coffee?” Adam asked, ever polite, but still thoroughly amused by the situation.
“No thanks, Parrish.”
“Why are you even here? I always drive myself,” Ronan interrupted, then he tilted his head noticing his brother still had his back turned. “Do you think we’re still making out behind you? Turn around, you idiot.”
Declan spun around with a glare. Ronan heard Adam huff a laugh, before suddenly finding his coffee extremely interesting.
“I’m here to drive you because I thought you and Matthew had plans later. Didn’t make sense to bring two cars,” Declan said. “But I will be sure to let Matthew know the new knocking rule.”
Ronan opened his mouth to fire back a quip about Declan’s revolving door of Ashleys making this not a new rule at all, but Adam interrupted.
“You gonna be late?”
The Lynch brothers checked the clock on the stove and quickly shuffled out the door. Ronan didn’t get to continue his goodbye or do much of anything other than nod and leave Adam alone in the kitchen. His cheeks still burned with the embarrassment of being caught by his brother of all people. He wished he felt amused at making his brother uncomfortable like Adam did, but being caught like that… being caught being so happy… It was unnerving.
“I didn’t know he lives there now,” Declan said behind the wheel. Ronan was ready to get out and start walking at the pace Declan was driving, but Matthew was in the back, keeping him in place.
“Who?” Matthew asked.
“ Adam ,” Declan said with a tone Ronan didn’t even want to unpack, but knew was disapproving.
“He doesn’t live there,” Ronan said, gnawing on the leather at his wrist.
“Oh, Adam was there?”
“He looked comfortable .”
“Did you tell Adam I said hello?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Is Adam going to be there later?”
“It doesn’t mean anything,” Declan continued, both older brothers ignoring Matthew’s questions in the backseat. “I just hope you’re being safe.”
Ronan groaned. “Oh my god, get me out of this fucking car.”
“It’s a normal thing for your older brother to want you to be safe with a potential sexual partner.”
Ronan gagged. “What the fuck!”
“Gross, Decklo,” Matthew echoed Ronan’s sentiment.
“I hope you’re safe when you become sexually active, too, Matthew,” Declan said in his usual holier-than-thou way of saying things that made Ronan want to bash his head through a brick wall.
“Right,” Matthew said knowingly and then was suddenly, suspiciously quiet.
“Are you having sex, Matthew?!” Declan asked incredulously.
Ronan put his fingers in his ears and sang the Murder Squash song loudly the rest of the way to St. Agnes.
3.
Maybe it was the vulnerability of it all that made Ronan uncomfortable. There was something private about giving yourself to someone, of letting them hold your hand, gasp your name, wrap their arm around you when you were watching a movie with friends. It felt vulnerable to show the world happiness, when Ronan knew the world could take it away so easily.
The one time they talked about it, Adam had asked if it was “the gay thing” and Ronan snorted milk out of his nose. It wasn’t “the gay thing” or “the Catholic thing” for that matter. He knew he was gay and despite being devout Irish Catholics, Niall Lynch had never instilled homophobia in his boys. All Ronan knew was that he loved Adam Parrish, but showing that love in public made him deeply uncomfortable.
Most of Ronan’s days recently were spent driving Adam around since the shitbox crapped out for good. Well, Adam wouldn’t say “for good,” the tri-colored Hondayota was perched up on blocks outside the Barns ready for his genius brain to fix it. Ronan was happy to offer his BMW for Adam to use to get from Aglionby to work and to the Barns, knowing gas money would no longer be an excuse for not seeing each other during the week. They took turns, but normally Adam taking the BMW meant Ronan drove him and picked him up, but today wasn’t the case.
They were all at 300 Fox Way - Blue, Gansey, Henry, Adam, and Ronan. Maura insisted on it when she learned that Adam got into Harvard along with three other ivies. Bellies full of pie and kitchen filled with the footie and fruity aroma of tea, they spent the afternoon celebrating Adam’s academic win and planning out the now-official Blue-Henry-Gansey gap year road trip. Eventually, like always, Adam had to excuse himself for a night shift at the factory. Ronan got up to follow him out.
When the front door shut behind them, Adam sighed. “You don’t have to drive me.”
“I want to drive you,” Ronan argued, following him down the steps.
“I have a paper to write tomorrow,” Adam said, already sounding exhausted.
“Thrilling life you have, Parrish.”
“And I’m not getting off until three in the morning. Then I’m just going to sleep until the afternoon and work on that stupid paper.”
“You’re dead on your feet already ,” Ronan argued. “It makes more sense for me to drop you off and pick you up when you get off 8 hours from now. Then you’ll really be a zombie.”
Adam sighed and leaned against the car. Ronan stepped up immediately recognizing his slip of facade and deep fatigue. Sure enough, Adam leaned forward, resting his forehead on Ronan’s shoulder. Ronan wrapped an arm around his back, pulling him in close. They stayed like that for a minute or two, just holding onto and leaning on each other, breathing each other in. Ronan hated that Adam worked this hard, but he knew better than to start that argument right now. At least now he could convince Adam to let Ronan help a little more than just handing over his keys.
“Alright,” Adam mumbled, leaning back to meet Ronan’s gaze, putting some space between them. “But I really have to work on that paper tomorrow.”
Ronan nodded, brow furrowed. That wasn’t the argument they were having. Ronan was concerned about Adam making it home okay, not about his Aglionby paper.
“Sure, Parrish.”
“So, like, you can stick around or whatever,” Adam continued. “But when I wake up tomorrow, don’t distract me.”
Oh.
Ronan felt his cheeks immediately heat up. He bit the inside of his cheek to fight back a smile.
“Do I normally distract you?” he asked, a bit too earnest.
Of course Adam constantly distracted Ronan , but Ronan normally just hung out with his headphones on, volume low, and waited for Adam to stop studying. He didn’t know he was even noticed by Adam when he was so focused on his textbook or whatever.
Adam smiled, reaching out to tug on Ronan’s leather jacket, pulling him forward. He didn’t answer, instead bringing their lips together. Ronan stepped closer in between Adam’s legs as Adam leaned further back against the car, reeling him in. He was so lost, so, so lost, the world was completely quiet outside of their little bubble. For months they’ve had this and Ronan still felt breathless every time they started.
“Adam,” he whispered his name like a prayer as they pulled apart to breathe. His eyes could only focus on the freckles on his nose as he tried to will his heart to slow down.
There was a loud wolf-whistle behind them up at the house and Ronan nearly slipped off the curb, hitting his head a little too hard into Adam’s. They both hissed, grabbing their foreheads. Ronan, without turning around, flipped off the house, feeling his neck and cheeks warm. He reached out a hand to Adam’s forehead, pressing gently.
“Did I damage genius Harvard brains?” Ronan winced sympathetically at Adam’s grimace from contact with his head. “Shit, sorry.”
Adam huffed a laugh and flicked Ronan on the forehead. “Nah, I’m good.”
Adam blushed and waved his hand away, stepping from between Ronan and the car and gently tapping at the hood as he made his way around to the passenger side. “C’mon, let’s go.”
4.
“ This. Is. Hell ,” Ronan groaned, leaning against the brick wall of the Aglionby administration building, throwing his head back to glare at the sky. Blue. Cloudless. Bright. Humid. Hot Virginia Heat. He hated everything about having to be here.
“I don’t even understand why he needs to meet with the guidance counselor again,” Gansey said, ignoring Ronan’s dramatics. “Didn’t he accept the Harvard offer?”
“Yes,” Ronan hissed, closing his eyes.
It was all bullshit really. Adam probably didn’t have to meet with the guidance counselor again, but he was a soon-to-be Aglionby alum turned Harvard undergrad and everyone in that administration building wanted to make sure they could use his rags to riches story for every brochure, donor letter, and prospective student call they had moving forward. And Adam was too polite to say no.
Gansey hummed before he was distracted by his own phone, the familiar text alert noise that Ronan so often ignored. He knew Gansey was probably supervising him until Adam showed up. Ronan had come half an hour ago to pick him up, waiting in the parking lot, before getting annoyed and walking to the building to wait. Adam still didn’t have a phone. This was their latest subject of arguments.
“Oh,” Gansey sighed. “If I leave you, will you promise to behave?”
Ronan cracked one eye open, appraising Gansey’s flushed cheeks and unlocked phone. It was probably Blue, who did have a cell phone now. “I’m just standing here, what do you think I’m gonna do?”
“I don’t want to give you any ideas by answering that question.”
“Smart.”
“ Ronan .”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Ronan sighed, closing his eyes again.
Gansey hesitated for a moment longer before saying goodbye and heading off to The Pig. Ronan could hear the roar of the Camaro as it started and sputtered out of the lot.
He probably realistically wasn’t allowed on the school grounds, but it's not like he was expelled. He dropped out before they could expel him. So he clenched his jaw and remained still and nondestructive while he waited for his valedictorian boyfriend to get out of his meeting with the dean or whatever.
He idly wondered what it would be like to have been with Adam while he was still at Aglionby. Would anyone know about them? Would they hold hands in the hallway? Sneak off during free periods to make out under the bleachers? Or would he still have these public affection hangups? Part of him wanted the world to know that Adam Parrish looked at him with those eyes and that smile, but the other part of him wanted to hide it all in a box and keep it for himself. Still there would have been more entertaining ways to skip class.
Ronan jumped as he felt a hand on his arm, blinking the bright sun spots from his vision, he caught sight of Adam, Aglionby uniform impeccably neat despite the sweat at his collar, textbooks under one arm, overflowing backpack slung over one shoulder, and the most brilliant smile Ronan’s ever seen.
“Jumpy,” Adam commented with a laugh. “Sorry, that took forever.”
He hadn’t seen him for three days and yet Ronan felt like he hadn’t seen him for months. He didn’t want to think about how it would feel when it actually was months when he was off to Harvard in the fall. They only had a couple more months with each other before long distance and despite Adam’s promises, Ronan still felt a bit insecure about it all.
“Lynch,” Adam’s smile brought him back. “Did the sun cook your brain?”
Ronan elbowed him, taking his textbooks. “Do you need all these?”
“For the weekend, yeah.”
“Great,” Ronan grumbled. More books meant less time to mess with Adam, but meant more time trying to convince him to take breaks. “Let’s go.”
As he started walking, Adam grabbed his arm to hold him back.
“Are you going to carry my books?”
Ronan hadn’t thought about it. He just did it. He probably would’ve gone for Adam’s bookbag, but that seemed a lot heavier and harder to just take.
He blinked. “Uh, yeah? That a problem?”
“Nope,” Adam smiled, that private true smile before he stepped up to kiss him. It was short, sweet, a thank you that was brief and thoughtful. Ronan still felt overwhelmed.
“You got a free hand?” Adam asked and Ronan just blinked slowly at him, confused. Then Adam grabbed his hand and threaded their fingers together and started tugging him to the parking lot.
Their palms were sweaty from the early summer heat and yet Ronan didn’t want to let go.
“Hey, Parrish!”
So close.
They turned around to see Tad Carruthers waving wildly from a few feet away. Ronan tugged Adam along to keep walking away, but Adam held still.
“We can ditch him.”
Adam let out a quiet,weary sigh. “Can’t. I’m tutoring him.”
“You’re tutoring him? In what? Social skills?”
“One more month. One more month,” chanted Adam more to himself than to Ronan but the sentiment was clear. As Tad approached, Adam squeezed Ronan’s hand and Ronan remembered they were still holding hands.
“Lynch! It is you!” Tad bellowed in his horribly loud voice. “Didn’t think you were even allowed on campus anymore.”
“How’d that practice econ stats test go?” Adam asked, stopping Ronan’s venomous retort.
The difference between Adam and Ronan was blatant at moments like these. Where Ronan would approach the situation with venom and blind rage, Adam was methodical in his approach. If you took the time to observe like Adam had, you would know that Tad Carruthers was constantly on the phone with his screaming father for his poor grades in math and science, that Tad got waitlisted from the top business school in the country that his father was an alum and monthly donor to, and that it was imperative that Tad kept his grades up, especially in his AP Economic Statistics course in order to hopefully follow in his father’s footsteps for survival. This was what Adam was tutoring him in. So mentioning said practice exam was just enough to make Tad’s face flush a deep crimson.
“Uh, yeah, I think it went all right,” Tad mumbled, looking down at his feet.
Ronan was mesmerized by Adam Parrish.
“Exam’s in two weeks,” Adam mused, just to dig in his heels a bit further. God , Ronan was in awe of him. Perfectly polite Adam Parrish being a complete asshole, but no one could call him on it.
Tad just nodded, but then he froze, eyes catching on their hands. Oh right, he was still holding Adam’s hand. Ronan’s heart raced, all the insecurities of the simple act bubbling to the surface. He flexed his grip, but Adam didn’t let go, just held on tighter. Tad looked up between the two, mouth opening to ask his question, no doubt going to put his foot in it.
“You need at least a 4 on the exam for college credit,” Adam continued, unbothered. “You only managed a 2 on the last practice.”
“Are you-”
“Email me the results when you get them back. And the answers to those practice problems I sent you.”
Ronan’s anxieties waned, too entertained to focus too much on the minimal affection they were displaying. His smile widened as Tad floundered. He could relate to Tad now, mouth agape, at a loss for words when Adam Parrish was talking to you. Every word was measured and calculated and was important. He didn’t speak just to hear himself talk, like Tad Carruthers. And the beauty of this conversation was that Ronan didn’t give a fuck that Tad was doing poorly on an advanced placement exam. Hell, he dropped out of this place. But Adam found exactly what made Tad uncomfortable and self-conscious and ruthlessly picked at the scab until it bled.
As they turned to leave, Tad recovered, but sounded a bit hysterical when he asked to their backs, “are you guys like together or whatever?”
“I am going,” Ronan said through gritted teeth, “to punch him in the face.”
“He’s not great at context cues, huh?” Adam replied quietly as they kept walking.
5.
It wasn’t their brightest idea to be making out in the church stairwell when they were just steps away from Adam’s apartment, but after that incident with Tad, Ronan felt a little giddy and a little more reckless than usual. Adam just seemed to be content, along for the ride, ready to blow off steam in the minutes of freetime he had before his next scheduled block. His books fell to the floor, backpack too. They shuffled their feet to slot in between each other, pressing back against the wall in the dark corner of the stairwell. Three days apart and Ronan was desperate.
Adam broke off to breathe, huffing a laugh into Ronan’s shoulder. “I have work in– Jesus, Ronan –in thirty minutes,” he protested gently, gasping as Ronan’s teeth grazed his neck and jaw.
Ronan knew that. Logically he knew that. He picked Adam up to drive him home to change and then off to Boyd’s. That was the plan today. Just a break in between so they could see each other after so many days apart. But he was a little preoccupied and not thinking about the plan right now.
“No one’s stopping you,” Ronan mumbled, lips against salty skin, pressing Adam further into the dark corner under the stairs.
“ You are actively stopping me,” Adam replied with a laugh, bringing their lips together again. He cradled the back of Ronan’s head in his hand, changing their pace from desperate to slow, languid. His brain went a bit fuzzy, focusing only on the slide of their lips together, hands grabbing cotton and denim. Time was lost.
Until the door behind them opened and they leapt apart. Adam immediately pressed his sleeve to his mouth.
“Oh!” Mrs. Ramirez entered, a wicker basket full of white linens held in front of her, sounding out of breath and happy, as always. “Sorry! Didn’t realize anyone was back here.”
Ronan’s face burned, but he felt a bit better at at least having being separated before Mrs. Ramirez caught them. She worked at St. Agnes as long as Ronan had been going there. She did everything from child care, running local fundraisers, and any administrative work that needed doing. She was one of the only people who felt genuinely kind to the Lynch brothers when Niall died, not searching for details and gossip.
He liked her and he didn’t like most people. But he was still just caught making out with his boyfriend in a church by the “church lady” so Ronan felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on his head. Would have to contemplate this later. He was too overwhelmed to catch Adam’s polite pleasantries.
“Don’t mind me, boys,” she continued, struggling to the adjacent doorway to the laundry room. “Just need to take all these down to-”
Ronan lunged forward and caught the edge of the basket that nearly toppled out of her hand. “Can I help?”
Her face lit up. “Oh, only if you have the time.”
He glanced at Adam, who was smiling at him with that knowing smile.
“Don’t you have to get ready for work?” Ronan quipped and Adam rolled his eyes, grabbed his books and backpack, said goodbye to Mrs. Ramierz, and shuffled up the stairs.
Ronan helped carry the laundry basket out the backdoor to the adjacent building.
“Hope you don’t mind me asking,” she began, voice hushed as if anyone were around, “but you’re together, then? You and that Parrish boy?”
Ronan swallowed and only managed a nod, hoping this wouldn’t impact Adam at all. Any judgments she may have would no doubt make his life harder than it already was. But before he could really struggle with that train of thought, Mrs. Ramirez clasped her hands together and sighed.
“That’s lovely,” she practically cooed .
He almost tripped over the basket. “It is?”
“Oh yes,” she assured him. “When you came to me all those months ago about that rent business I just knew there was something else going on.” Ronan wasn’t even sure if he knew that he had feelings for Adam back when he subsidized his rent to cover the Aglionby tuition increase. “And then, let’s be honest, Mr. Lynch, you are at the church quite a bit more lately and I don’t believe that is spent in the chapel. Am I right?”
She held the door open for him to the building and he silently went in, his silence was enough for her. He set down the basket on the table next to the line of washing machines and watched her begin to sort what needed to be laundered.
“Does he treat you right?” she asked, folding a few sheets over one arm.
“Uh, yeah.” What a ridiculous question. Does Adam treat Ronan right? Of course. Anyone who knew either of them would ask it the other way around.
“And I hear he got into Harvard.”
“Yes.”
“And you-”
“Staying here.”
“Oh,” she paused, looking up at him.
He looked back. Didn’t he say she wasn’t into gossip?
“Well,” she smiled. “Young love like yours… Enjoy it.”
Ronan stood there a bit dumbfounded, not expecting this conversation or how unashamed he felt about it all. There was a finality to that advice: “enjoy it” while it lasts . But Ronan had already mentally mapped out forever with Adam Parrish in his head. As soon as they had the conversation about him coming back despite going to Harvard, Ronan knew that if Adam didn’t come to him, he would drive the eighteen hours every weekend to and from Cambridge to see him. They hadn’t said I love you, but only because this felt so much more and bigger than that. And in just four short months, Adam would be gone to college and Ronan would be wishing he had held his hand longer and not been afraid to kiss him.
There was a knock on the open door frame. Adam leaned against it in his coveralls, smile polite and tight to Mrs. Ramirez, only melting into a lopsided casual thing to Ronan.
“Ready to go?”
+1
A few weeks later, they were all at Nino’s keeping Blue entertained while she worked. Gansey and Henry were on one side of the booth, a map spread out on the table, added flag sticky notes to different areas of the country they wanted to explore. Even Ronan wanted to wince at the fact that one gust of wind or knocked over glass of sweet tea was all it would take to lose their progress, but he could appreciate the resistance to digitizing the itinerary.
Adam was next to him, tired and distracted, shredding a napkin up in a neat pile in front of him. He just finished his last AP exam that day, his brain fried after a six-hour test filled with tricky multiple choice and vague open-ended essay questions. The sleepier he got, the more he leaned against Ronan.
When he ran out of napkins to shred, he compulsively picked at his hands, which was when Ronan reached out - mid joke at Henry’s expense - to cover Adam’s hands with his own. He took Adam’s left into his right and laced their fingertips together, taking it off the table and onto his lap between them, rubbing his thumb over the back of his chapped skin.
Adam blinked slowly, seeming to come awake in that moment, staring at Ronan in exhausted confusion. Gansey and Henry also didn’t miss the gesture, both fighting back smiles. Ronan rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and braced for impact.
“Well isn’t that just adorable ?” Henry cooed.
“You’re making Dick blush,” Ronan grumbled back. “Also, we’ve been dating for like months . I can’t hold his hand?”
“You can,” Gansey was quick to reassure him, thinking he was actually offended and not just embarrassed. “Of course you can.”
“But you don’t,” Henry remarked. “Like, ever. Sometimes I forget that you two are even a thing except when you look at each other with those googly eyes.”
Adam squeezed his hand then, but Blue approached the table before either of them could comment on googly eyes . She dropped another pitcher of iced tea on the table.
“What’d I miss?”
“Ronan held Adam’s hand.”
“Oh.”
“In front of us.”
“Ooh!”
“Alright, I’m out,” Ronan slid out of the booth, tugging Adam along.
“What if I wasn’t done here?” Adam asked, just to be an asshole.
“With what?” he gestured to Adam’s sad shredded napkin pile. “C’mon, you’re a walking zombie, Parrish.”
“Hot,” Henry quipped.
Ronan looked at him with no judgment. “Whatever you’re into, Cheng.”
Adam sighed and shuffled out of the booth, hand still holding tight to Ronan’s. He fought back a yawn, but just managed to hide it in his elbow. His accent ran through his words, stretching his vowels and his fatigue slurred his speech. “Where we going?”
“You’re going to bed, dumbass.”
“Ooh!” Blue and Henry said in unison. Gansey’s face was bright red and ducked down to the table.
“Not like that, you assholes.”
“Sureee!”
Ronan felt his own face heat up, but Adam was already pushing him out of Nino’s, waving goodbye to the rest of the group and heading off into the parking lot. The BMW was far off at the other end of the lot and with Adam’s weary steps, they made it there slowly. The lot was crowded with a bunch of Aglionby students, happy to blow off steam and celebrate after weeks of standardized testing. Somehow, once so consumed by other people seeing his happiness, Ronan was not even thinking about the others as he held onto Adam’s hand, walking him to his car to drive him home. His mind was pleasantly, comfortably blank.
Ronan dug around in his pocket for his keys with his free hand as they got close.
“Hey,” Adam said so quietly Ronan almost didn’t hear him.
“Yeah?”
“What was that?”
“What was what?”
Adam rolled his eyes and leaned against the driver side door, hands still held tight between them. He looked down at their hands and back up to Ronan expectantly. He knew exactly what Adam was asking him because he knew Adam and Adam knew him. Why did he hold Adam’s hand? Why was he still holding Adam’s hand? Wasn’t this an issue for him? All the questions remained unasked, but Ronan answered still.
He stepped forward, let go of his hand and cupped Adam’s cheek, sliding back to tangle his fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, kissing him just as Adam parted his lips on a gasp. Adam’s hands went to his waist, his hip.
He didn’t care about the people around them, about his friends teasing him inside, about any of it. He just cared that Adam Parrish made him happy and sometimes that happy feeling was so overwhelming he felt like he was going to explode. So if he needed to ground himself by holding his hand or making out with him in the Nino’s parking lot, then he was going to do that. Because he only had a few months left and he was definitely going to regret it one day.
They both pulled back with a gasp, foreheads resting on foreheads, smiling sheepish and giddy.
“What was that?” Adam asked again, breathless and laughing.
Ronan shrugged. “Just wanted to.”