Chapter Text
“Kaitlyn!” I heard someone call from behind me as I was walking home from work. I turn around, “Hey! I’ve been trying to flag you down.” Kamal, my best friend.
We’re both international students in Seoul, permanently. We both moved here together when college started since we were both accepted to our high-academic Uni. here in Seoul.
“I and the group were wondering if you wanted to hang out with us tonight since you’re alone.” He laughs. “We planned a big sleepover, we were expecting you to come.” Kamal flashes his smile at me, he knows it works every time.
“How could I pass the Kamal Huening Kai up! I’ll walk home with you, to make things easier.” I was oddly excited, I had never officially met-met his friends y'know’, I’d only heard of them. I know there are multiple of them though.
Kamal, of course, Taehyun, Beomgyu, Soobin, and Yeonjun - I think that’s all of them. I recognized a few names when Kamal first brought them up; Yeonjun is a big magazine model, and Taehyun is quite a popular dance teacher. I didn’t know anything about Beomgyu though. I did, however, track his Instagram down and it seems he’s popular because of his childlike features. Soobin seems to be a big show host, he’s very social himself, but also pleasing to look at. They’re all beautiful, it’s understandable why Kamal’s friends with them, they’re just a huge group of male visuals.
“ Amazing .” I hum as Kamal continues to talk about his friends. “They’re all so popular, how are you friends with them?~” I playfully hit his arm, he knew I was joking.
“Kaitlyn! I’m social too, don’t worry! I met them in my dance classes, they’re all fantastic dancers themselves!” I could tell he was excited for me to meet them, and I was excited too. “Anyways, here we are! I have to get my keycard so please wait a moment.” I nod my head as I wait for him, watching him struggle with his bag until someone comes down instead.
“Kai, you left your key inside~” The built male teases Kamal, while I was staring at him in shock. I mentally guessed and told myself who I saw in front of me was Kang Taehyun, he had the build to be anyway. “Who did you bring with you, I’ve never seen you hang out with this girl before.” Taehyun (???) waved toward me as he opened up the gate for Kamal and me.
“Ah, this is Kaitlyn! We’re old college friends, I met her in the U.S. and flew here together. She’s the girl I told you about for tonight, the sleepover guest.”
They’ve talked about me, Kamal talked about me to these people? I feel embarrassed, I could’ve dressed better or introduced myself before I spent the night with them.
“Oh,” Taehyun (still unsure if this is him) seemed to be disappointed, “did she just leave work? She looks tired.”
Kamal chuckles, “Yeah, I flagged her down as she was going home. I forgot to tell her about tonight so she’s unprepared.” He looked nervous, are they all older than him? The built guy looked like he was ready to scold him.
“Here,” Taehyun (possibly) grabbed my jacket and unlocked their apartment door, “My name is Taehyun ( yes I am so incredibly smart ) I share my room with Kai or Kamal, that’s what you call him. I’m going to sit your things down in his room.”
“That’s fine, thank you!” I choose to use normal mannerisms.
Their dorm was big, with multiple split hallways and a huge kitchen. Their living room was clean too. What a shocker for a house full of men, I make myself laugh.
“Kai,” I’m thrown out of my thoughts by this huge guy who comes walking down the hall, he was deep-voiced and sounded familiar. “What did you do with the laundry you dried?” No way, it was Soobin. Choi Soobin. I thought Kamal was lying, I genuinely didn’t believe him at all.
“Oh,” I’m convinced Kamal didn’t tell anyone I was coming by the amount of Oh’s I’ve gotten so far. “Hello, it’s nice to meet you..?” He glances at Kamal.
“Kaitlyn,” Kamal says as if he’s exhausted already.
“Ah, yes. Kai talked about you coming, nice to meet you, Kaitlyn. I’m sorry about my appearance.” He waved his hands at me in a like I’ll be back in a minute type of motion, while I was still standing in shock that I just personally met Choi Soobin. What.
I looked over at Kamal- or Kai, I’ll go with that for now I guess. He’s standing talking to someone else, Beomgyu maybe? I can’t tell.
“Kaitlyn, I have to introduce you to Beomgyu too, come here!” He waved me over, why does he want to introduce me to him?
“Hello, I’m Beomgyu,” he waved at me politely. “I don’t think I’ve met you before, but Kai has told me about you. I’m excited to finally meet you.” I stood in shock again, they’re all so nice?
“It’s nice to meet you too, Beomgyu! I hope we enjoy our time together.” I was never more relieved to have a normal introduction to someone compared to Soobin and Taehyun.
I choose to wonder as everyone that’s here is busy with something, and I find their balcony and choose to take a breath out there instead. The balcony itself gave me a beautiful view anyway, so I didn’t mind sitting outside for a while. To occupy me, I do what I usually do and watch the cars drive by and the clouds skim the buildings. It’s always so cool seeing everyone with their separate lives and different appearances.
I start talking to myself, a bad habit. “I wonder if this apartment building is just filled with celebrities since there’s so many here now.” I laughed at my odd thought, but I was curious.
“Have I met everyone yet? I don’t think-” Someone interrupts me. I look over and saw Soobin again, it looked like he had found something.
“I was looking for you, I wanted to give a formal introduction - it’s the least I could do.” He smiles and laughs slightly, I blush at the sight, he’s so beautiful. I watch him hold out his hand as he walks forward, “Hello! I am Choi Soobin, I’m the second oldest here and I can choose to be a bit demanding sometimes.” I shake his hand, “do you want to introduce yourself?” He asks me, I’m so busy watching his face that I didn’t notice he was talking directly to me this time.
“Oh, yes. Sorry. Hello, my name is Kaitlyn! I came here internationally, along with Kamal, when we were in Uni. I’m two years older than Kamal himself, so you might be older than me. I hope we enjoy our time together.” I bow my head at him and adjust myself in my seat again.
“You have a great voice, anyway !” He flashes his smile and dimples, lord, dimples, at me again. “I’ll get going back inside then, you should follow along. Beom and I started cooking a bit ago.” I literally couldn’t let him go so I followed behind when I smelt something that resembled the smell of heaven.
Men that can cook? What? I wonder what else I’ll see here.
“Kait! Welcome back inside, Yeonjun isn’t here yet, he’s currently at a shoot and will be for a while. I can help you set your things up, though.” I knew who was talking to me by my beloved nickname.
“That would be great, thank you, Kamal.” I come towards him as he’s near what seems to be his and Taehyun's room.
Kamal and I are taking my bag and things and setting them up when I hear him mumbling toward me.
“You’ll sleep here, I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.” He looks up and smiles and I’m flushed red. With Taehyun??? Lord. “Is that okay?”
“Nonono, I think it’s better if I slept out there. This is your room and I think it’s rude to just steal your bed from you.” I laughed at the awkward situation I created.
“Oh, that's fine! I understand.” Kai picks my things back up and moves them to the couch. “You can set them up as you’d like! I’ll be back in my room.” He waved farewell as I sat in a chair next to the couch and got on my phone.
Am I truly the only one out here? There are four of them here and I’m suddenly alone, I can’t complain though. It’s peaceful all of a sudden, I can take a breath. But my break is cut short, right after I lay my head back, someone opens the door, it could be Yeonjun since I have figured out Kamal is not a liar. I can be a bit nosey though, so for once in my life I ignore it and choose to rest my head back down on my phone, checking my social media for the third time in an hour. I can hear the lock click as the figure walks by. He’s dressed in a ball cap and all black. Suspicious , I think to myself and laugh.
“Beomgyu, when will dinner be ready?” I yell through the apartment, I am starving. I would chow down on that fantastic food right now if I could.
“It should almost be done,” Beomgyu comes walking down the hall in his sleep apparel, which is covered in tiny bears. “Do you want to try some?” He waves his hand over at me and tells me to come toward him.
“That’d be great, it smells good so I have high hopes.” I shimmy my way over to the stove and try some of the beautiful soup he and Soobin had prepared. “It tastes great, you’re a wonderful cook!” I compliment his cooking as anyone would do if they tasted food that made them think of what gold possibly tastes like.
“Thank you so much, let me go get everyone to help prepare the table.” Beomgyu waves goodbye as he walks back down the mysterious hall of tall men.
I choose to scavenge and start setting up placemats and utensils in the seats of everyone here, just to make myself useful and give them less to worry about. I couldn’t bear not helping anyway, they’re already doing so much, it’s the least I could do.
“Kaitlyn~” I hear a voice slither behind me as I’m going through and putting things away in the kitchen cabinets, “what are you doing? You’re the guest here..”
“Kamal, let me help out.” I pout, I had to, it’s the only way he’d listen. “You guys are doing so much that I have to.” I annoy Kamal more by stomping my feet around.
“Fine, but remember to eat a hearty amount of food later! Just for me, okay?” He practically begs me, so I nod my head yes and comply with him.
After my dispute with Kamal, I go to make myself comfy at the low-set table and run into something, or maybe someone - I couldn’t tell. “Ah, I’m so sorry.” I choose to apologize anyway as I look up at the figure above me. Yeonjun? Choi Yeonjun.. I ran into him.
He smirks at my clumsiness, “It’s fine, no worries,” He makes his way toward the counter and starts preparing bowls for the beautiful food Beomgyu and Soobin made earlier. “Would you like to help too?” He looks back over at me, in shock once again. I nod my head and run my way (I didn’t run but y'know) to him.
“I haven’t introduced myself,” Yeonjun chose to say once I started to help with preparations. “Would it be fine if I do?” he glances toward me. I was too focused on the fact that I'm actually in a home full of celebrities and the fact that Kamal didn't lie still, that I didn't notice him speaking.
"Oh, did you say something? I apologize, I'm a bit stressed at the moment." I laugh my awkwardness off when I realize I had been impolite. I felt dumb for ignoring Yeonjun.
"I just asked if it would be fine if I gave you a formal introduction to myself since you are spending the night. We might as well get to know each other." Yeonjun spoke up, he was still preoccupied with fixing bowls that he didn't feel the need to look at me.
I completely forgot the concept that I'm the guest and that I'm spending the night -- with all of them, still absolutely surreal. "Of course, that would be fine! If you'd like to go ahead you can, I'm listening."
From my shoulder, I could see him facing me to begin talking. "Hello, I am Choi Yeonjun. I'm the oldest here, in front of Soobin. I can be ignorant and cold but I've been told that I'm frankly very kind, I agree I can be kind at times, not always," He laughs. I can't help but notice how beautiful his smile is and smile too. "Anyway, I hope we enjoy each other's company throughout tonight and tomorrow."
As he finishes speaking, I turn and bow toward him with a smile. "I'll introduce myself now. Hello, my name is Kaitlyn! Kamal and I met overseas and have continued to be close friends throughout our time as exchange students in Korea. I am two years older than him and choose to keep him in line. I hope we enjoy our time together!" As I finish my speech, I bow again. I do notice that he isn't looking at me, so I begin placing bowls on the floor table.
"Kait, make sure you eat! You deserve a large meal as our guest." Kamal places a hand on my shoulder as he sets the soup on the table. He's always been incredibly thoughtful with me, I'll forever appreciate his kindness.
"Of course, Kai. I'll make sure I leave plenty just for you though!" I shake his shoulder, but he seems shocked.
"Kai?! Since when do you call me Kai?" He looked almost hurt as he shook his head.
I can't help but laugh as I let go of his shoulder, "Oh, Kamal. I didn't have any clothes with me when I got off work, can I go off and get an outfit or two from my apartment? I'll be quick!" I beg him because I will not sleep in my work attire, not in any circumstance.
"You're not going alone, I'll send Jun with you since he's the oldest and looks the most intimidating." Kamal laughs and he fans his face, I just know he found himself hilarious.
In all honesty, I would've preferred Kamal to come with me since I actually know him but Yeonjun is fine too, anyone would've been fine. Yeonjun just seems to make me the most nervous.
"Ah, let me get cleaned up then since I'm going out without a choice." Yeonjun breaks out as he heads back down the hall, I peeked down to see whose room was whose.
"Kaitlyn~ no being nosey!" Beomgyu catches me and pushes me to a seat. "We'll show you around when you get back, how's that sound?" I can't help but notice how pretty Beomgyu's smile is too, they're all beautiful.
"That sounds completely fine, thank you for the offer!" I smile in return. "Should I go ahead and go down outside, I feel like it'd be better if I wait down there." I begin looking for my jacket, I couldn't remember where I put it.
"Kaitlyn, jacket." Taehyun pops up in front of me with my jacket in hand and a small smile plastered on his face.
"Thank you so much, Taehyun." I reach and grab my jacket out of his grasp as I smile at him. "I'll begin heading down then, tell Yeonjun I'm waiting down there. Bye everyone, for now!~"
I begin my descent down the long stairs to the outside of Kamal's dorm complex. It has gotten significantly colder since Kamal and I got here earlier, so I appreciate Taehyun handing me my jacket as I was leaving. I would be freezing right now if I didn't have it on me. But, I can't help but think about Yeonjun going with me. He doesn't seem to have any interest in talking with me so I'm surprised he didn't turn down the offer while he could - but I could just be overthinking things again (per usual), so I won't put much feeling into it to keep me sane.
"I wonder what's taking him so long, he looked fine." I begin talking to myself, again. Terrible habit, still. But I can't help but wonder where he is since my patience is wearing thin. "It's getting quite late so I'm going to start walking, he can catch up when he gets down."
And just as I said, I begin walking down the hill the huge dorm complex Kamal brought me to, sits on. No worries as I watch the stars gently float along the brink of the sky. My thoughts begin to go as I start talking to myself once again to break the silence.
"I wonder how many stars there are in the sky, I can't help but think about how some of them we see aren't even alive right now, they could've died years ago and they're still reaching Earth as if nothing happened. They're so at peace, sitting and shining a beautiful light. I strive to be a star." I laugh lightly as I continue downhill, feeling someone behind my back. In the utmost fear, I turn around while internally praying to see Yeonjun stalking behind me quietly.
"You were talking, I didn't feel the need to interrupt so I stayed quiet." Yeonjun looks at me plainly, with no expression at all. It scares me how quiet he can be, I had no clue he was there.
"It's fine, I talk alone sometimes - a terrible habit of mine. I choose to ramble like I'm doing now," I cannot believe I feel as tense as I am, I can't even keep a conversation going. "Anyway, it took you a while to get ready and come down here. You got home an hour ago, but why were you in a completely black outfit?" I couldn't help but wonder, he looked so ominous when he came home that it scared me in a way.
Yeonjun cleared his throat harshly, "Privacy. To help me stay safe, basic things that I feel are important, why are you still in... Your work attire? That's not the nicest thing to wear over to someone's house." He laughed at me, probably thinking about how odd it is that I didn't change.
"Oh, Kai caught me on my way home so I had no time to change, I didn't even know I was staying here tonight. I apologize for being illy dressed on my part, it's the exact reason I'm off to get clothes now." I nod my head at him with a smile, hoping he'll get the memo that I had no intention of being in this situation tonight.
"Mhm," Yeonjun nodded and stayed silent once again, keeping himself this way until he chose to speak again, which felt like an eternity. "Where are we going?"
"Straight, until a small convenience store comes up, then my apartment is on the left. It shouldn't take me long to get my things so you can get home soon." I laughed while we continued forward, Yeonjun speeding up to get beside me. I didn't understand why he sped up until we came up to the corner store.
"This is a high crime area, Kaitlyn. Did you know that?" He blurted out as I turned to the alleyway toward my apartment. He caught me highly off guard, it shocked me that he seemed to care.
"I did not know that, I've never seen anything bad going on necessarily but that can’t dismiss the idea of crime here anyway. Either way, I’ve always been safe. So, you can wait here for me, I’ll be back quickly anyway.”
Yeonjun continued to firmly look at me, tilting his head slightly and sighing. “I’m going to head inside with you. Which apartment is yours?” He grabbed my arm and began walking with me, pulling me behind.
“Uhm, 224. On the right row of buildings up a set of stairs on the third floor. You really don’t have to walk with me y’know that.” I tried to pull my arm from him, but he had a strong grasp on me, continuing to walk. I started again. “Hello? I’m an adult that can take care of herself.”
He finally looked down on me, dropping his hand down to mine. “It’s impolite to let a woman your age walk alone, so I’m walking you.” I stared at him blankly while I could feel my nerves shock and my hand begin to shake. I’m guessing he could too.
“Let me find your apartment and you can sit down.” Yeonjun did just that as he went up the set of stairs we were nearing on and went until we found my apartment. “What’s your passcode?” He looked down on me.
“Don’t laugh,” He titled his head. “It’s Kamal’s birthday.” I could see him smiling as he tried to cover it up and enter my apartment code.
As we went inside, I could see him shocked. “Sorry it’s messy, I wasn’t expecting company!” I laugh lowly, trying to brighten the mood. Yeonjun didn’t find it funny. I pull myself from him and walk toward my bed, throwing myself on it.
“We have to be back soon, you can’t just lay there.” I could see him looking at me but turning his head away. I couldn’t help but notice something.
“Yeonjun, you have really good manners for someone with so much- popularity, is a nice way to put it.” I could see his stance harden with what I said. I meant it by heart, but I felt bad saying it directly to him.
“What do you mean by that?” He still had his back turned on me, which made it easier to say what I wanted to say.
“Y’know models and people with so much wealth in popularity and money even, are usually arrogant and think nothing of others. But you’re nice and actually have a heart, even if you’re sponsored by some of the biggest Korean brands in the country.” I laugh, I found it funny I was actually saying this, but I felt almost drunk off my mind talking to him. “I have no clue what I’m saying, I apologize.” I sit up on my bed and begin rummaging through my dresser drawers near my bed.
Yeonjun stayed silent. I couldn’t help but wonder what I had said made him start to think about whether it was good or bad. I really hoped I didn’t hurt his ego too much. Thinking that just made me laugh, making Yeonjun look back at me.
“What are you laughing about?” He questioned in the most concerned curiosity I’d seen in a man. “Nothing- just, nothing. Don’t worry about it. I’ve almost got my stuff ready, then we can leave this hell-hole of a place I call home.”
He laughed back at me. His smile showed genuinely for the first time since I’d arrived. It was so welcoming, and his voice was smooth, I couldn’t help but just listen and stare at him. He took notice of my dazed stare, just my luck. I began to think every place I was put was a setup at this point.
“You have such a staring problem, Kaitlyn. I couldn’t begin to think how Kai deals with you if you have no control over yourself.”
“Yeonjun,” I had started, but chose to stop. “What?” He asked. I shake my head, I was literally about to say something he was told everyday, so why even say it in the first place? “What were you going to say?” Yet he was still trying to pull my thoughts out of me. “It was nothing, don’t worry about it. I have my stuff ready so we should get going.” I smile and walk in front of him, heading out my apartment door and running ahead.
“You walk so fast.” He had run up behind me to fight my escape from him, inevitably ruining my plan. “I’ve always been told that.” I laugh in response, trying to tear my mind from the thoughts that were flooding it. They were all of him, for no exact reason at all.
Once we had made our way back to Kamal and everyone's apartment, I went to the closest bathroom I could find to change, and mainly breathed for a moment. Being truly alone with Yeonjun since I had come- actually being alone with any of these men- really took a toll on my breathing. I didn’t realize this until I chose to breathe out the loudest puff of air I’ve ever let out. It was the most relieving feeling that has ever crossed my body.
“Kaitlyn? I saw you run in, you didn’t even say hi when you walked back in.” It was Kamal, I understood his worry, but I was still so frozen from how things got back at my place that I wasn’t able to fathom an answer, so I answered with silence. Once I heard him walk away, I began changing and putting my things up.
I had pulled up my hair after changing, put all my toiletries back in the bag I had just packed from my place, and went back down the hall to maybe break some maybe-tension I had brought in. All I saw were quiet bodies as I saw everyone with a bowl of that wonderful stew from earlier, other than Yeonjun.
“Hey Yeonjun! Are you not planning on eating? The stew smells great, and looks even better.” I went up to him anyway, trying to pry something out of him. “Thanks, but I’m trying to lay off some weight for a gig I have, you should eat.” Seriously? I’ve already lost my appetite from earlier, I guess I spread my nerves to him too. “Is there somewhere we can go to talk? I really feel bad about how I made you feel earlier and I want to apologize.” I leaned toward him and asked in a low whisper, he responded with a nod and led me to a room down the hall while everyone else had already taken up conversations.
The room he took me to was dressed in magazines, designer clothing, and really anything pricey honestly. I just wanted to apologize but now I’m awestruck in the middle of what I can infer to be Yeonjun’s own room. It’s all black and white with pops of low color, the magazines that sit on racks on the walls all have Yeonjun in them somehow- he even strikes the cover on some of them. “Completely random, but guessing this is your room, you have a great designer's eye. Everything matches so well, and your magazines-” He stopped me.
“You wanted to apologize for something, get on with it, I don’t want the others to get a bad idea with their wandering minds.” I felt a warm flush creep up on me. “Ah, yes yes, sorry.” I cleared my throat from the bloating anxiety that is bubbling up inside me. “I thought I just made you uncomfortable with how I was acting back at my place, so I wanted to apologize for how weird I’ve acted tonight. In all honesty, and really, you’re a beautiful person- which makes it really hard for me to carry a conversation without mentioning anything about you physically. I almost slipped up earlier and that’s why I ran out, I just-""You didn’t do anything wrong, if I stood in front of myself I’d act the same way.” We both laughed, “Not to sound like a complete weirdo, but to talk to someone that you consider more beautiful, think of yourself the same way.” Yeonjun lost eye contact with me, he looked as if he was contemplating what to say. “Truly, try to put yourself on a pedestal like you’ve done with me, then we can talk like friends. Okay?” He tilted his head to the right a little, catching me off guard. “I’ll try, thank you. I’ll leave you to yourself now.” I waved myself off, and opened his door to leave, but he shut it in front of me. “Wait-” He had stopped me after he closed the door.
“You won’t try to think of yourself better, will you? You’re not going to keep things awkward tonight just because you don’t like yourself, Kaitlyn.” I was too shocked to answer, I could feel the heat radiating off him from behind me. “Well-” I was panicking again, I could feel my throat tightening again as I stared at the door that began to warp toward me. “Can you back up a little, I need to sit down, Yeonjun, I’m sorry.” I tried to set my footing, but I couldn’t.
Everything went black and airy as I felt my heart slow to a calmer tempo.
When I woke up, I was in Yeonjun’s bed? I was in Yeonjun’s bed. I forced myself up as fast as I could, giving myself a good dizzy spell, landing right back on the floor.
“Kaitlyn-” I felt my head spin a little more, he was in here watching me. “Why am I still here? Why didn’t you- why are you watching me sleep in your bed?” I felt my chest tighten again. “You need to breathe, Kaitlyn. I can’t have you thudding on the floor again. I had to explain to the guys the issue, I don't feel like having to listen to their worries again.” What? They knew I was in here now. “Why am I not on the couch? I don’t- you need a bed to sleep in. What time is it?””Stop asking so many questions, just sit back on the bed.” I complied and slowly heaved myself back up on the edge of his bed. “You weren’t out long, no more than an hour, but I got Taehyun in here to check you out after I moved you to the bed since he deals with heart stuff all the time while dancing.”
It felt like I could puke, but I still forced myself to listen.
“Kai said you have panic attacks often and usually in tighter spots, so with how unexpected everything was, he said it was probably one of those. He told me not to let you sleep on the couch, and to stay with you and monitor whenever you wake up. He didn’t want you passing out again.” He kept darting his eyes at me, then at the floor. “I didn’t mean to make you panic, I wanted to check on you, make sure things were clear since it didn’t look like you were listening to me- if I knew you were going to have a panic attack and pass out on the floor I would’ve left you alone.” He rubbed his eyes with the tips of his fingers. I could tell he felt bad, but I didn’t have a sense of focus strong enough to apologize to him, just enough to know I was about to fall over again.
Down I went. Straight forward.
“Kaitlyn!” In and out, “Are you okay?” I felt my eyes begin to water, Yeonjun was sitting on the floor in front of me, holding my shoulders to keep my body from hitting the floor again. “I need to- god, my head hurts.” I tried to bring my arm up, but he forced it down. “Don’t overwork yourself,” He lifted my legs and supported my back, laying me back down on his bed. “Just rest, I’ll get Kai-”
“No, just- stay, more people will make it harder.” I felt myself drifting off, I don’t think I was even aware of what I was saying. I just wanted peace.
When I woke, I felt cold, which was a great feeling compared to how I felt before, which was warm and sweaty. When I opened my eyes though, Yeonjun wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere actually, nowhere in his room anyway. Since I felt better, I chose to get up and see what everyone was doing in the living room, and to see where Yeonjun had gone- but that part just sat in the back of my mind.
“Kaitlyn,” I heard a recognizable voice mention my name. “When did you wake up, do you feel better?” Yeonjun threw every question he could at me, beating Kamal to it. I couldn't help but smile a little, just seeing some of his worry leave him when he finally saw me wake up. “I feel much better, how long have I been asleep?””Maybe an hour and a half? I fell asleep in Kai’s room after you passed out again, so I couldn't tell you. But-”
“Kait! Oh my god I've been worried about you, I haven't seen you in hours- well awake in hours. I saw you on the floor earlier, then never again, did you pass out again after that?” Kamal’s familiar questions he would ask me whenever I would blackout, they’ve always kept my mind on track. “Yeah, I woke up, panicked a bit more, then almost fell forward into Yeonjun. That was the last time though, I'm feeling much better.” He smiled at me, rubbing my back to avoid too much contact between us to keep my body steady. “Do you think you could eat? When was the last time you did?” I loved Kamal, but I couldn’t help but still think about Yeonjun again, he had taken over every feeling in my body.
Questions like this continued for a while until I ate maybe two and a half bowls of stew, then went to sit and watch Taehyun and Beomgyu suck at Mario Kart against, surprisingly, Soobin.
“Soobin! Since when did you get so good at games? You never have the time to play!” Beomgyu whined and yelled as loud as he could while banging his controller against Soobin’s calf. I was laughing and playing along with them, until I couldn’t find Yeonjun.
“Hey guys, I'm going to go to the bathroom really fast, let Kai play in my spot.” I ran across in front of the screen to make my way down the hall again. Which room was Yeonjun’s? I couldn’t remember well enough to pinpoint a door for myself, so I went with the door that looked most familiar to me. “Yeonjun? Are you coming to eat now, I’m sorry I took up your dinner time earlier.” I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even control my mouth, something had completely taken over me. I knocked. “Yeonjun?”
“I’m not hungry, I can’t eat dinner tonight- I already told you-” He had his back turned toward his door, quickly turning around when he heard it open. My eyes met his, “Yeonjun, I’m sorry I didn’t hear you. I didn’t mean to barge in. I thought you weren’t in here, I was just coming to check on you.” I stared at him blankly.
“Shut the door,” He sat up in his chair as I followed his command. “Do you not understand that people have privacy here? I’ve been nice; I walked you to your house, let you sleep in my bed twice, and even had people check on you- and you will not let me have a moment of peace here.” He rubbed his eyes, I stood politely at his door while looking at my feet. “Please, Kaitlyn, just go and don’t worry about me eating, or whether I’m doing okay. I’m an adult and I can take care of myself.” Yeonjun breathed harshly at me.
“When was the last time you ate? That’s all I want to know, that’s literally the only reason I came back here. Just tell me then I’ll fuck off for the rest of the time I’m here.” Me- no my mind, wouldn’t let me leave him alone without knowing the condition he was in, even if I could tell he didn’t want to say. “You care so much about me, you know that? I barely know you,” He stopped, almost examining me with the meanest scowl I’ve ever seen from somebody. “I think the same of you, from the moment I had to walk you to your apartment, I found myself worrying about what you were doing or what you were thinking about so often. I’ve been sitting in here because I can’t even bring myself to be in the same room as you right now.” He looked down from me, I could tell he didn’t want to think of me this way, but his mind had grabbed hold of him- just like mine has with him.
“Earlier, when I was talking to you after you woke up, I left my room because you kept talking in your sleep, moving around and saying the most random things. I felt uncomfortable.” He glanced back up at me, stopping for a second. “I don’t know what I’m saying,”
It was probably my mind playing with me, but I had so many thoughts- thoughts I didn’t even know if I should be having- running through me. The feelings of Yeonjun holding me up when I was about to pass out again, him lifting me up to lay me down with no force at all, the way he listened- being so alone with what I go through with myself made me have this desire to be with him, to have Yeonjun by my side always- to take care of me and watch my fragile moves when my body starts to weaken. It was stupid feelings, but these stupid feelings are something I’ve never felt before, they were unscalable for me. Without control or conscience, everything broke through.
“I think I really like you Yeonjun, I really do.” I felt my cheeks blazing, my legs getting a little shaky, I think I completely shocked my nerves. I didn’t mean to actually say anything, I barely know him personally. “No- forget it, I didn’t mean to say that my mind is in shambles, I don’t know what I’m doing.” I couldn’t help but hold my head, my heart rate was so high now that I could feel it in my skull and through my eyes.
“Kaitlyn, please calm down.” He started coming towards me, it felt like the room was shrinking with every step that brought him closer to my body. I couldn’t help but back myself into the wall and slide down, holding my head and bringing my knees up to block my eyesight. “Listen-” “Yeonjun, I can’t breathe again. I shouldn’t have said it, I know- please leave me.” I pleaded with him, I didn’t know what was going on now. I was conscious, but I wasn’t.
“I think I like you too.”
What? Was that what I heard? He has to be lying. I gasped up at him and stared, he had crouched down in front of me and was staring me dead in the eyes. I had every doubt that this was true, we literally barely had any clue who each other were, there was no intimate connection, just the times we shared of me almost passing out around him tons. Why?
“I want to get to know you, okay? I want to learn about your past and what you’ve gone through to get here with me and everyone else. For some reason, you fascinate my mind so much, so much that no matter how many times I’ve pushed you back while you’ve been here, you’re brought dead front and center to me. I want to have you check up on me like you have since you got here, I want you pulling me along on walks like Kai made me do- for no reason, I want to spend every waking day worrying about you.” Yeonjun finally sighed, “Please let me sneak you out of here, we can get to know each other better and maybe my mind will give me a second of peace.”
He was holding out his hand to me, and with no deliberate thoughts pulling me from him, I took it. He stood me up carefully, went to open his window, then let himself fall. I ran to the window sill in shock, but he was standing up completely fine. No scratches, or “ow”’s to be heard, just him yelling for me to jump too. “You’ll be fine, I’ll catch you!” What if he doesn’t? What if I hit the ground? “Okay!” I yelled back down at him, who cares anyway? Then I jumped, and everything went quiet until I saw Yeonjun staring down at me as he held me. We both were quiet, until I took it upon myself to get out of his hold. Jumping to the ground, I looked at him with an adrenaline fueled smile.
“What’s your game plan now that we have no reasonable way back into your apartment?” “Follow me and you’ll see, I have a few things in mind actually- what were you feeling?” Yeonjun started walking away from me and toward the front of the building, almost leaving me alone until I ran back behind him. “Well, I was thinking maybe a pretty park, or a walk by the river. Maybe some light drinking, since it is a Friday night anyway.”
“Drinking?” He turned and darted his eyes at me before he kept walking up the slump that was behind their building. “I have a shoot tomorrow, I can’t be drinking randomly- it’s bad for my looks and my health.” I couldn’t help but laugh at him, “Why are you so led by work? You said you wanted to get to know me, so we need to have at least some fun tonight, right?” After that, I got no answer until we got where he wanted us to be.
“You ride? No way!” I ran to the first thing I saw. “Kaitlyn!” I could hear Yeonjun yelling behind me as I ran to the car park we were approaching. “I’ve always wanted to ride a motorcycle, and now I have my chance! Can you drive well? Why were you walking home if you could’ve just ridden?” I was excited, what can I say? Just the image of him riding in full black leather at night- it gave me the biggest turn in my stomach, almost as if the butterflies were fighting back. “Calm down with the questions, I don’t even know if I want to ride tonight, it’s dark and way too late to be safe.” He paused and sighed, “Especially if someone wants me to drink tonight, you won’t have a way back here if I do drink- you still want me to, don’t you?” He had knotted his eyebrows together while looking down at me, leaning against his bike. I couldn’t say a word if he was going to act and look like that in front of me.
“I mean-” I couldn’t form words, but now it was because of him- not because of distance or my heart rate- it was the way he was looking at me, we were alone and I had no coat while he smirked and laughed at my stance from the cold wind. “You need to get a coat if you do want to ride, you’ll freeze your arms off with the weather tonight.” He turned and looked in the bag that was sitting on his bike. “I would’ve put on a sweatshirt if I knew you ride a motorcycle! I am entirely unprepared because I didn’t know anything that involved sneaking outside into like- what, 40 degree weather? It’s almost 11 o’clock at night.” I sighed as I checked my phone for the first time tonight, taking notice that it wasn't turning on either. “And my phone is dead.”
“You complain way too much to be a fun person to be around, Kai says you’re fun to be around anyway.” I laughed, “I’m usually most fun when I get a little tipsy, then I let everything go from me- and y’know what that includes? My complaints! I won’t complain anymore if you just take me out to drink a little. ” He sighed as he turned around with an old zip-up hoodie in hand. “I have a deal to make with you- if you don’t make me drink, I can ride you around and you’ll get to drink as much as you want. How does that sound?” I couldn’t hold back my smile while I grabbed the jacket from Yeonjuns hand and shook it. “Deal! Whatever makes you happy.”
And from there, I put on his jacket and we rode to the nearest bar that none of the guys could find us at but was close enough to get home sooner-or-later.
It was already 1 in the morning when I started flashing back in and out with my memories, dancing around with girls and guys while Yeonjun watched from a distance- basically being my babysitter until I got bored and started bothering him, which was possibly my biggest mistake.
“Yeonjun!” I yelled at him while he sat at the bar with cold water in hand, “I have a secret to tell you, do you wanna hear?” He laughed a little at me, “I would love to hear, Kaitlyn.” I leaned over towards his ear, while giggling to myself, knowing what I was about to say.
“I let my mind wander a bit too much around you, but I’m not going to say what I do think about.” I leaned back up and put my hand on his chest, “Unless you would like to know?” Yeonjun looked taken aback by what I had told him, it almost looked like he was at a loss of words himself. “Kaitlyn, you really shouldn’t say things like that while you’re not thinking, maybe we should go.” He grabbed my hand and tried to take me with him to leave, but I had other things in mind. “I’m thinking fine- actually, I think I’m thinking much better than I usually am. I’m not some stupid wimp right now.” I paused, contemplating very little about what I should say. “I could probably tell you everything I’m thinking right now with ease, I can give you a hint though- all my thoughts are about you, and they have been since I spoke to you earlier today, and when you walked me to my house- god.”
Yeonjun couldn’t help but be confused while looking at me, he looked shocked and scared at the same time. He pulled at my arm once again to get me up and he succeeded this time. He walked fast, through all the people, until we got outside. “Do you feel okay to sit on my bike and ride home? Or do I need to pay for you a ride so you can get home safely?” He looked stressed, but it’s really hard to read someone's feelings when you’re as drunk as I was. “Aw, I wanted to spend some quality time with you tonight, I can’t believe you’re making us leave.” I walked toward him and threw my arms around his neck, leaning in close until I could feel him breathing “Kaitlyn, I really don’t want you to do stupid things, please listen to me. You need to go home, I don’t even know if I want you back at the dorm.” He pushed me back, but I came right back to him, this time wrapping my arms around his waist. “I wanted to spend the night with you though, Yeonjun. I wanted to talk to you about everything I’ve been feeling, I can’t believe you don’t want to get to know me.” Here come the waterworks, truly showing how I am when I’m drunk.
“I’m booking you a cab, then I’ll follow it back to the dorms and we’ll get you somewhere from there.” Yeonjun took his phone out of his pocket while he searched it and I leaned into him, feeling myself drift away- until I actually did and pushed Yeonjun almost directly off his feet.