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Rue delivers the news over breakfast. Lexi takes a second to absorb her words, staring at her roommate.
“Here?” She repeats faintly.
She’s still trying to recover from the jolt that had nearly caused her to drop her mug of tea on the their counter. She hasn’t heard his name in two years. Fez. The sound of it alone causes a deep abrasive feeling, like her heart is being dragged along pavement.
Rue’s never known the months that Lexi spent pouring that very heart out to him. Nights spent on the phone in whispers, sharing her dreams, her insecurities, herself with another person. She’d never been that open with anyone. Not even Rue, at least back then.
His disappearance after her junior year play had sent her spiraling. He was a phantom, a shadow she continually chased in her mind. Rue was in the midst of recovery and withdrawal that summer. Their friendship was mending, slowly and painfully. They weaved their way back together around the wounds that had been left by fathers and absence.
Lexi considered spilling her the truth of her feelings and her secret heartache to her friend more than once, but Rue’s delicate sobriety seemed to depend on a complete ignorance of her past. No mention of drugs or triggers was ever made between them and Lexi never breathed a word of her relationship to Rue’s dealer. Though mostly it was to keep from reminding Rue of the life she was leaving behind, it was also because speaking it aloud by would give voice to the tangled mess that left her heart in a state that felt too crumpled to ever iron out.
Two years of never hearing from him, never knowing what happened, then, one of the first nights that Rue had officially moved in with Lexi, during a game of drunken Uno that was peppered with mean looks and growing contention, Rue says casually: “Fez says you gotta hit with the wild cards one on top of the other. No mercy.”
Lexi had almost slipped off the sofa. Her fingers had gripped the sides of the striped velvety material. “Fez?”
“Yeah, you remember my boy from years ago,” Rue had answered, not knowing how close Lexi is from an actual heart attack, “we play e’ery now and then”
Lexi couldn’t breathe, “what happened to him?” She felt dizzy.
“He got picked up, a while back. When we were still in school” Rue was still studying her cards. “He’s in for another couple of years. But I go see him every once in a while — we play cards sometimes. He kicks my ass every time.”
Rue’s bombshell had rocked Lexi to her core. Years of grief and mourning were suddenly upturned like fresh grave dirt. Fezco was alive. He was somewhere close by, close enough to garner a trip from Rue. He knew her number, why did he never call?She had stared at her friend, trying to siphon any information from the casual, questioning quirk of her eyebrows.
“How’s…how is he?” Maybe Rue wouldn’t be able to tell that she’s still half in love with him. Does he ask about me? Does he miss me? Does he want to see me?
Rue had shrugged. “I mean it sucks. Plus like, his little brother, like, died in like a gun fight the day he got arrested. Then his grandma died a while back too. So he’s like, all alone.”
The agony of that information sent Lexi into a depression. No wonder Fezco never reached out to her. God, his life had fallen apart. She was just a tiny blip on his radar when the worst things in the world had happened to him.
The years continue to pass and with no word from Fezco, and Lexi begins to slowly crawl out of the well of grief. She focuses on herself, moving forward. She falls deeper in love with writing, with creating. She begins to date. The wounds finally begin to fade into scars, and she’s able to let go of her first — love? Crush? Connection? She’s never been able to put words on what their relationship was.
Until this morning. When Rue, her best friend since preschool and the platonic love of her life, looks her straight in the eye with a nervous expression and asks, “You remember my friend Fez? He’s getting out of prison the day after tomorrow. And I, uh, I kinda told him he could stay here…”
“Here?”
Lexi’s fingers tighten on her tea to save it from slipping.
Rue has the decency to look sheepish, “I mean he’s in a tough spot. Doesn’t really have any place else to go.”
The idea of Fezco here. In her house. Fills her with something that feels like grief. And terror. And hope. Lexi feels suddenly like she’s being dragged down underwater. A wave of something sharp and aching washes over her.
Rue takes in the expression on her face and immediately tries to assuage the panic she reads there: “it’s not like he still sells or anything, he didn’t even get busted for drugs, just a buncha bullshit. He’s a good guy, really, not anything like what you’d expect from, like, a felon…” She rambles.
I know, Lexi thinks, I know that better than anyone.
“Can he stay?”
The question lingers in the air, Rue’s eyes are expectant and hopeful.
Fez.
She hesitates, a feeling of apprehension makes its way down the back of her neck. Just talking about him about him is raw and painful.
She takes a deep breath. It’s been five years since she’s seen or heard from Fezco. Their relationship had barely passed the talking stage. Having someone so deeply imprinted in your heart at that point that you could barely recover after only a series of phone calls and holding their hand once is, in fact, insane. Someone from a barely-counts-as-a-situationship from years ago could sleep on your sofa for a few weeks and it didn’t have to upend your entire life, right?
Two days later, Lexi is down on her knees, scrubbing baseboards as she waits for Rue to show up with their new, temporary roommate. Lasagna is bubbling in the oven; salad, fresh bread, and cheap wine are lined up on the counter. She’s never tried so hard to make a dinner go so perfectly.
The sound of a cheering crowd comes from the tv speakers in the living room and she winces.
Was inviting Josh the wrong move?
It wasn’t as though she was trying to send a signal with her relationship. She invited the guy she’s dating to meet lots of her friends, he’d met Bobbi for the first time only a few weeks ago when she’d been in town, sleeping on her sofa for a few days while working at a show. It was no big deal.
But she couldn’t stop the feeling of guilt that spread down her as she listened to him yell at the tv. Should she have told Josh about the feelings she’d had once for the guy who was going to be sleeping on her sofa? She’d expect a heads up from him if he invited an ex to live with him.
But Fez isn’t an ex, she reminds herself. Fez had been a friend. Nothing more. And he’d really been more Rue’s friend than hers, she thinks, up until those last few months.
She and Josh had been together for a few months, and she likes him. They were really good together, everyone said so. even Rue (who also complained about how his boring white boy personality was). They were compatible in just about every way; had similar taste in most things, in books and music and outlooks on life.
Josh wasn’t perfect — sure — but no one was. He ignored her a bit too much when he got really interested in something. And yeah, sometimes he was a little boring. But Fez would have shown his faults too, if she’d had spent the same amount of time with him. Knowing someone so long meant you learned that there were things about them you didn’t always like, but you learned to get around them, to put up with those things for the sake of a real relationship.
She eyes Josh’s relaxed stance on the sofa — slouched, sipping beer — trying to see him from a stranger’s point of view: what would Fezco think of him?
Rue’s voice, loud and boisterous, cuts through the door a second before Lexi hears the door knob turn.
Her stomach lurches as she watches the wooden door swing open in slow motion. She feels like she’s going to throw up.
“Here it is!” Rue announces, sweeping her arm out like she’s on a game show. Behind her, a figure follows her through the doorway.
Fez.
She’s worried and stressed and has imagined over and over again what it’s going to be like to see him again. Nothing prepares her for the reaction she has when her eyes land on him for the first time in five years.
Her blood hums with the effect of actual, literal fireworks exploding in her chest.
Fez is glancing around the room, taking it in, then his eyes meet hers.
And fuck.
He’s more beautiful than she’d remembered. He looks older, harder—but god, so gorgeous. His beard is neatly trimmed, hair shaven in a fresh fade, like he’d had it done right before getting out. And those eyes. Big, beautiful, cornflower blue eyes have her heart stuttering out of rhythm, just as they did five years ago. He seems bigger than she remembered, maybe taller, certainly broader. His presence is overwhelming her and he’s still on the other side of the room.
She’s burning. On fire under the weight of his gaze. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“You remember, Lex, right? And this is her boyfriend, Josh.”
Fez nods to both of them. He all but ignores Josh’s presence. “Good to see you again, Lexi”
His voice. Saying her name. She hadn’t realized how desperately she needed to hear it until the sound is rumbling through her ears.
“Hey, Fezco,” she murmurs, unable to take her eyes off of him. He’s staring back at her, flicking his gaze over her with a look that makes her stomach clinch down hard.
She’s overheated, overwhelmed; she’s going to pass out.
“So man, you wanna grab a shower? Get changed?”
Fez drags his eyes away from Lexi as Rue grabs the pile of neatly folded clothing sitting on the empty armchair, all with new tags still on them. The two of them had gone overboard trying to find Fez everything he needed to be comfortable. New clothes, toiletries, and bedsheets for the pullout sofa.
“Thanks,” he says, his voice deliciously deep. Fez takes the pile, balancing new bottles of shampoo, body wash, toothpaste. And follows Rue down the hall. He looks back exactly once at Lexi and she feels herself flush all over again.
Then he’s gone and Lexi feels like she can breathe again. She takes a deep breath, as if testing out new lungs.
“He seems nice.”
Lexi jumps. She’s actually forgotten that Josh is in the room with her. “He is nice,” she tells him. She watches Josh’s face for any sign that he's even aware of what just happened to her. But he's already turning back, settling himself back down on the sofa, unaware that she’s shell-shocked, fists clinching and unclenching to stop them from trembling.
Once out of the shower, Fezco is freshly clean and looking so good in the grey sweats that she’d picked out for him. They troop into the kitchen for the first real meal Fez has had in five years. As they move around the table, Fez’s eyes meet hers and a shiver runs through her.
“Sit there,” she gestures to the chair that’s across from her — she needs him as far away from her as she can get him. But maybe that’s a mistake because now she’s forced to look at him. And he looks so good, absolutely incredible. She can’t stop her eyes from flicking over him. Taking in his profile, his freckles, his shoulders, his hands…
She squirms, heat pouring into her face. She glances at Josh next to her, afraid that he can read the feelings she's sure are written all over her face, but he’s watching the conversation between Fez and Rue, not paying attention to her at all.
Fez is. He’s looking at her almost as much as she’s looking at him. His look is heavy, his gaze keeps returning to her face, sweeping over her features, moving down over her neck, her chest. She burns hotter with every look he throws her way. How are Rue and Josh not seeing this?
Lexi busies herself with her wine glass, taking deep sips to try and calm her frazzled nerves. He’s got to stop looking at her like that or she’s going to combust.
Fez and Rue carry most of the conversation. Rue asking questions about prison, telling stories about her life on the outside. Fez lets her do most of the talking, keeping his anecdotes brief and laconic. He seems content enough, happy to be out, but there is a toughness that Lexi can gauge from the set of his shoulders. She can’t tell if it’s from the weight of the burden of traumas she cant even imagine…or if it’s the tension that’s been thickening between them with every heated glance.
As soon as dinner is over, Lexi’s out of her seat like a shot, gathering dishes from the table. She waves away offers to help. “Go watch tv or something, I’ve got this — no, really — relax!” She needs to put some space between herself and Fezco. And probably a cold shower. This isn’t going to work. It’s only been two hours of him being there and she’s a complete mess.
She takes her time in the kitchen, listening to the sounds of the three of them talking over a movie. She finishes, wiping the last glass and placing it in the cabinet. It’s almost 10:30. It’s relatively late, she can make her excuses and go to bed. Putting a solid door between them sounds even better.
“I’m gonna head to bed,” she announces from the door way. The three of them are sitting together on the couch, Rue between the two men.
“No, you can’t! we’ve got like 20 minutes left of the Hangover! Just come sit with us!” Rue protests.
“Yeah, come on, babe!” Josh pats the space between himself and Rue.
Lexi glances at Fez. He doesn’t make a sound, just looks at her again with those heavy, dark eyes. She should run. She nods and makes her way between her boyfriend and Rue. She settles gingerly on the sofa, even with an entire person between them, nerves twist her stomach anxiously. She hasn’t done any wrong, she tells herself. It’s natural to be attracted to some one else, even if you were in a relationship. There’s posts on Reddit about it all the time. It only becomes a problem when you let yourself act on those feelings.
Rue is slouched against the back of the sofa, giving Lexi a clear view of Fez’s face. He’s watching intently, face awash in the glow from the TV. Every once in a while, he’d grin at something and Lexi’s heart would jump into her throat at the sight.
Once, glances back at Fez again, and he’s looking at her. Their eyes meet and Lexi feels her heart squeeze tight in her chest. Oh god.
The movie ends and Josh gathers his things to leave. “I’ll call you in the morning babe.” He leans down and presses a dry kiss to her lips. Lexi flinches in surprise. “Oh, yeah, okay. I will. I mean, you will.” She scrambles, trying to make up for jerking away from him. Josh only laughs. “Night, Lexi” he calls out as he leaves. Lexi feels sick.
“I’m getting tired; I’m going —“
“No! C’mon!” Rue cuts her off. “We’re going to watch the next one.”
Lexi shakes her head, “No, really—“
“Please?” Rue’s face is pleading. “I’ve never gotten to hang out with both of my best people together like this…”
Lexi glances over Rue’s head. Fez is leaning back agains the sofa, watching her deliberate. She can’t read his expression.
She acquiesces, nodding silently. Rue cheers, then starts up the next movie. Without Josh, the space between them feels infinitely smaller. Rue’s buffer is pathetic in comparison to the tugging pull Lexi feels under her ribcage. Fez is looking at her again, but this time she keeps her eyes fixed on the TV. She wants the pull of his gaze to snap completely, set her free from its taut wire.
At some point, Rue drifts off to sleep, her head slumping against her chest. Lexi grows more alarmed at being the only person conscious in the room with him, but she can’t seem to find a way to bring herself to get up off the couch and go back to her own room.
Fez is still looking at her, this time not even trying to pretend he’s watching. Lexi’s heart is pounding, her palms are sweaty, thighs clenched together in an attempt to stop the throbbing between her legs that grows more wild with every penetrating look he gives her. She feels like she’s on fire.
They sit in silence, with him watching her watch the movie, neither one making a move to acknowledge each other. At some point Rue stirs and her head pops up, “wassup?” She mumbles, disoriented.
“Uh, hey, Rue,” Lexi says to her half-asleep friend, a feeling of relief coursing through her at the distraction.
“Im gonna…Im gonna go to bed” Rue stands, swaying, then stumbles from the room. Lexi watches her go, then suddenly. She and Fez are together. And alone.
She lets out a slow, shaky breath. Glances at him. Forces a smile. “It’s really good to see you again Fezco.” She tried to say it with some sense of finality, like she’s prepping to say good night. But comes out wistful and full of longing.
“’S good to see you too, Lexi.” He says, looking back at her, eyes hooded and intense. She’s a fucking goner. She needs to get up off this couch, walk down the hallway, and close her door.
She shifts anxiously on the couch, watching him with heated eyes.
He drags his gaze over her, as if he can’t get enough of looking at her. She feels the same.
“So, your guy seems nice.” He says slowly. The mention of her boyfriend should be enough to throw cold water on her. To jolt her back to reality, remind her that she’s not seventeen on a couch with her teenage crush. But the low register of his voice and his fucking eyes only stir the heat trailing down her spine. She a mess of want and lust. She can’t breathe through the haze that encloses them.
“Yes,” she whispers. What did she say? What was he asking?
They’re both still for only a fraction of a second, then he’s making a movement towards her, and she’s up on the sofa, scrambling to close the space between them.
They meet somewhere in the middle, mouths sealing in a desperate, heated kiss that sends her mind spinning. His arms are practically jerking her on top of him as his mouth crushes hers. Her hands are grasping at him, trying to pull him closer, closer, closer. She’s on fire. Burning, sharp and painful. She can’t get enough of him. Fez’s hand makes it into her hair, fisting a handful holding squirming her as still as he can. His breathing is wrecked as he licks into her mouth, sucking on her tongue, and she whimpers under his ministrations. He breaks their kiss with a groan. “Lex…Lexi…” It comes out breathless and desperate. Lexi whimpers again, then lurches forward to catch his mouth.
Fez twists himself against her, then pushes her back against the sofa. Then he’s on top of her, in between her thighs pressing against where she wants him so badly. His hands are moving down. Running over her thighs, pushing her dress up around her waist. His fingers trace the line of her lacy panties. And he pulls his mouth from hers again. “Lexi, I gotta…need so fuckin’ bad t—” Lexi is nodding frantically beneath him before he can even finish the words. “Yes. Yes, yes, yes”
His fingers move to the front of her panties, where they’ve been soaked through. He lets out a groan that could almost be her name. Lexis fingers are digging into his shoulders. “Fez, please” she pleads. He slips his fingers past the ruined cotton and Lexi lets out a high pitched keen at the feel of his fingers gliding into her wet flesh.
“Fuck…fuck…” Her head drops back, against the pillows and he follows, his face falling against her neck. “Fuck Lexi…” he whispers hoarsely.
He pushes more firmly against her, his thumb grazes against her clit and she jolts under his ministrations. “Fez!”
He lifts his head from her throat, glances up at her. His fingers move against her again, his thumb flicking against her little nub of flesh that sends bolts of electricity pulsing though her body. She squirms. “Fez…Fezco…please”
Then — he’s stopping. “W-what?” She feels like the wind has been knocked out of her. He’s pulling off of her, grasping at her hips, yanking her panties down her thighs. “Oh…oh, yeah,” She helps, kicking off the twisted lace. Then he’s pulling at the sides of her dress and she’s never been more frantic to get anything off of her, tugging the fabric over her head and then she’s naked, striped bare in front of him.
“Fuck, Lexi” He breathes. “Goddamn…”
She reaches for him, trying to pull him back on top of her. He lets her, but is moving slower than before, his gaze sweeping over her in something like awe. “Baby…”
Her arms wrap around him hungrily. She can’t get close enough. Her hands tug at the hoodie that she’d bought for him. He yanks it over his head and then he’s back on top of her, skin sliding against skin. She’s seeing stars. She’s never felt anything better in her entire, pathetic life. His hands are moving again. Palms sliding to cup her tits, thumbs flicking over her needy little nipples. She jerks hard under his hands, keening pathetically at his touches. He groans into her mouth. “Fucking god…you so fuckin…”
His mouth leaves hers and pressing a line of searing, wet kisses down her throat. He pauses at line with her tits, sucking a nipple up into his mouth. The noise Lexi makes is high pitched and pitiful. His mouth is hot and wet, tugging on her sensitive flesh, sending a zip line of heat down to where she’s desperate and throbbing for him. He pulls off of her with a wet pop. “Baby, I ain’t done this in…I ain’t gonna last..not with you.” Lexi shakes her head. “I don’t care. I don’t care, ” She pants, “just need you inside me.”
“Want you here first,” he says, pulling back and sliding between her thighs. A pang of lust goes through her as she realizes what he’s wanting to do to her. But she shakes her head.
“Can’t wait,” she pleads, pulling at him, trying to get him to climb back on top of her. “Need it now.”
“Nah,” he counters. His hands press open her thighs, opening her core up to him. Lexi burns under his heated gaze. “Been thinkin bout doing this to you every day for five years. Waited fuckin years for it.”
Lexi watches his head drop down between her thighs, her lips parting. She feels him, soft and hard and hot and wet, lick at her — “Oh — FUCK” Her hips lift instantly, chasing the sensation. His tongue laps at her pussy, gliding through her wetness. He finds her clit and his mouth closes around her. He’s alternating between sucking and licking at her, the press of his mouth is fucking glorious. Then his fingers are pressing at her, sliding into her cunt, stretching her open. His mouth covers around her clit again, sucking with a pressure that sends violent waves of heat burning through her limbs. “Oh my god…oh my god — fuck!” Her body goes rigid as her hips are canting against his mouth. She falls back with a high-pitched groan, her cunt fluttering furiously against his fingers. “Fez…fuck”
He’s pulling himself up along her, his mouth kissing her frantically, wherever he can reach. “Lexi, baby, please…” He’s pleading for her. She’s still hazy and buzzing from her orgasm, but she’s reaching for him, pulling him down on top of her. She can taste herself on his tongue, the tang is making her dizzy. “Do you gotta…” His voice comes though his desperate kisses…”condom, baby?”
“No, it’s okay, I’m okay, we can…” she can barely get the words out. She does have some, technically. But they’re in her room and separating from him in this exact second isn’t going to happen. She’s on the pill. It’ll have to do.
She desperate and lustful and…something else, something sharp and sweet that has her clinging to his shoulders as he kicks off his sweats. She can feel him against her thigh, hot and thick, and her mouth goes dry. Then he’s pressing her back against the sofa, his mouth covering hers. She wants to touch him, wants to feel him, but she forcers herself to lie still as he pulls himself above her. She feels the press of him, blunt and hard against her cunt. Then he’s moving forward, stretching her open, making room for him…and fuck. Her eyes are rolling back in her head, she’s never felt so full. Lexi lets out a whimper at the feeling of being so completed stretched. She’s in love with him. Fez above her is panting hard as he struggles to hold himself back, Lexi,” he groans. “Baby, fuck. You feel so goddamn good.”
He pulls back and snaps his hips hard into hers. Lexi’s seeing stars. She clings to him, struggling to breathe, struggling to think. Her body is all sensation and fire. His hands grasp her thighs and pull one leg over his arm to fuck into her harder. The angle causes his cock to pound into her deeper, harder, hitting her at the angle that makes her brain fizzle out completely. Her body is tensing, waves of sparks are burning though her. She’s gone, lost, nothing but live nerves and searing heat.
Fez is groaning into her ear. “Fuckin’ christ baby…feel so fuckin good. Best fuckin’ pussy. God damn,” he’s babbling. Lexi’s heart is squeezing hard, wrung out to nothing. His hand comes down between them, and it doesnt take more than the press of his thumb against her clit for her body to seize violently. Her nails rake frantically over his back and neck as her body is wracked by spasms that sends her mind spiraling. Fez’s thrusts are growing sloppy and uncontrollable as he fucks into her hard — harder — then he’s coming hard into her, filling her up, groaning out her name, his fingers gripping her thigh so tight it’s bound to leave bruises.
Then he’s falling forward, directing himself to fall into the crevice between her and the couch. He’s still got his arms around her and she’s pressing herself against him, burying her face into his chest. He’s panting hard, “Fuck, that was…fuck.”
Lexi lets out a high-pitched little laugh. Her mind is still spinning. What the fuck was she supposed to do now? Fez feels so good wrapped around her. His breathing begins to even out and she takes a moment to listen to his heartbeat settle into something slow and steady.
“Lexi,” Fez whispers, his face pressed into her hair, “Lexi, Lexi..” His voice is almost worshipful
Lexi closes her eyes, “I missed you,” her voice almost cracks.
“I missed you too. So fuckin’ much.” He says. She can hear his voice echoing through his chest. “Thought about you e’ery god damn day in there.”
“Me too. All the time. I tried so hard…wanted to …” His arms tighten around her, pulling her against him more firmly. His hands come up to cup the back her head gently, fingers stroking through her tangled hair.
Lexi’s heart soaks up his ministrations. “What happens now?”
His voice drops low. “Whatever the fuck you want to. You want this to mean somethin’?”
She pauses. For a second she’s panicked with the implications of what that means. “Yes.” She whispers against his chest, “Yes — I do. I really do.”
He lets out a breath of air, as if he’d been holding it in. “I want that too.”
The second she gets off this couch, reality is going to come crashing down. She’s going to have deal with the guilt and the mess and breaking up with Josh. She’s going to have to tell Rue about their past together, dig up worlds of hurt and pain.
But none of that matters. Because right now she’s still there, tucked into Fez’s body where she belongs. She can feel the scary press of the unknown around her, but it’s easy to ignore when he’s pressing soft kisses her head.
Fez pauses for a moment, then says, lowly, “I love you, Lexi.”
Lexi closes her eyes, heart thudding. “I love you too.”
“Yeah?”
She leans back, looking up at him. “Of course.”
“I didn’t think that after…Rue told me about your guy and your life and I thought — ”
She shakes her head. “It was you. The whole time. All I kept hoping for.”
He lowers his head, eyes finding hers. “You was all I kept hopin’ for too.”
They stay on the couch all night.