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There was chaos and destruction everywhere you went.
From your place in the Healers tent, you couldn’t see much of the ongoing battle, but you could hear the sounds of fighting; the screams of both Ravkan and Fjerdan soldiers, the horrible grinding of tanks and the sounds of storms battering Ravka’s defence as another wave of Grisha on jurda parem was released.
You shuddered at the thought of the addictive drug, glad to never have experienced its effects yourself, but haunted by the stories survivors had told you.
It felt like the fighting had been going on for days as wounded soldier after wounded soldier passed under your steady care. Your experience as a Second Army Healer had done little to prepare you for the sheer amount of injured First Army soldiers in the tent. It had gone on this way since Ravka’s soldiers had first begun to sustain injuries: you got to the nearest soldier, healed them as best as you could, and moved onto the next one, trying to reserve the amount of power you used. Despite this, the sights of bloodshed and hours on your feet had taken their toll on you. Your feet ached, your back hurt and your hair had long slipped loose of its braid, strands hanging in front of you as you worked.
As you passed your hands over a man’s bullet wound, your mind wandered to your friends, the members of the Triumvirate. Zoya was likely at the forefront of the battle using her considerable skills to cut through Fjerdan soldiers. Tolya and Tamar had been sharpening their axes last you’d seen them and Nadia had been preparing her division of Squallers. David would be watching from afar and directing everyone on the use of his weapons, Genya by his side. And then there was your king. You’d parted with Nikolai before the battle had begun.
“Stay safe Nikolai.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Of course he wouldn’t. The King of Ravka would fight among his people, and all you could do was pray to any Saints that were listening that you would see him again.
*
Everything passed in a blur. You continued healing people, faces fading together, scarcely noticing the blood staining your red kefta. At some point you realised the battle had come to a stand-still. You scanned the tent; everyone was attended to and the other Healers had everything under control.
You hurriedly slipped away and out of the tent, searching for any sign of your friends. You caught sight of Tolya’s hulking figure, towering over the other soldiers. You pushed through the crowds to get to him, following the sight of his head and craning your neck to make sure you didn’t lose him.
As soon as you came within sight of him, he called out your name and rushed forward to embrace you. “Are you alright?”
You returned the hug. “I should be asking you that. You were the one on the battlefield, not me.” You pulled back and gave him a once over, reaching out with your powers to take stock of his injuries. Apart from a few scrapes and bruises, Tolya appeared to have remained unharmed. “Where’s Tamar?” you asked. “Already with Nadia. They went to each other as soon as the fighting stopped.”
You nodded in understanding. Tamar would have wanted to see that her wife was okay. It was clear how much they cared for each other, and your heart always panged at the way they looked at each other.
You and Tolya walked through the rest of the soldiers, wordlessly taking in the effects of the battle. The soldiers had huddled together, treating injuries and embracing each other. They hadn’t lost their fighting spirit - yet.
You entered the king's tent, Tolya stooping to walk under the canvas entrance. Genya and David were already there, discussing strategy with a wind-blown Zoya. And there. Nikolai. Your heart ached at the sight of him. He was holding a cloth up to the side of his head and you caught sight of a flash of blood as he shifted his hand. He winced imperceptibly, but kept listening to what Genya was saying, nodding along and pointing to the map in front of him.
You strode over to Nikolai, ignoring the throbbing that had settled in your head. His eyes fell on you as you approached him, suddenly unsure of yourself. “Hey” you whispered.
He managed a smile. “Hey.”
You gestured towards his head. “Are you okay?”
“Just a scratch.”
You raised your eyebrow delicately. “Don’t give me that shit Lantsov. Let me take a look.” You tried to fall into your usual banter, tried not to show how much you cared, how exhausted you were, how much you wanted nothing more than to rush into his arms, press your face against his chest and ignore all your problems.
But you didn’t do that. You shoved away your emotions, ignored the way your body screamed at you to lay down and turned your attention away from the definite headache that had formed.
Nikolai moved his hand away from his head, revealing the wound. It had bled down the side of his head, leaving a trail of crimson down his neck. You leaned in closer to inspect it, his familiar heartbeat thrumming in your ears. His breathing hitched quietly, your own heartbeat picking up its pace now too. You half expected Tolya to notice how fast your heart rates were.
You pulled away. “The wound is small enough, it should be easy to heal.”
You caught a flash of disappointment in Nikolai’s eyes when you pulled away, but he nodded. “Then, my darling Healer, will you oblige me and heal this pesky scratch?”
Your heart skipped a beat at the nickname, but you raised your hands and summoned your power. Suddenly, you swayed on your feet, dark spots flashing in your vision. Healing a small injury like that shouldn’t have drained you like that, you thought dimly, the ground rushing up to meet you. But you’d been up so long, using your power for hours on end.
You plummeted towards the plush carpeted ground, your ears ringing. You didn’t seem to hit the floor, and now you were going…up? Your mind was too tired to try to make sense of it.
You faintly registered Nikolai’s face above you and someone calling your name before you succumbed to the darkness and let yourself slip away.
* * * * *
Nikolai lunged to catch you as your eyes rolled back in your head and you fell to the ground. He secured his arm under your back, your head resting against his arm. He whispered your name desperately, praying you were okay. He swivelled his head to call for help, but Tolya was already bounding across the room.
Tolya knelt down and rested his hand on your chest, listening for your heartbeat. Nikolai looked on wretchedly, unable to do anything but hold you close. “Is she okay? What happened?” His voice was hoarse and thick with worry. Tolya held his hands over you for another second, then looked up at Nikolai. “She’s all right. But her body has exhausted itself. She needs rest.”
Nikolai nodded grimly, his lips pressed together. “She can stay here. I’ll take care of her.” He lifted you in his arms and turned to the others, who were still gathered around the table, anxious looks on their faces - you were their friend too. “Go. Take care of Ravka. We’ll reconvene later.”
They all nodded and made their way out of the tent, David squeezing Genya’s hand comfortingly and Tolya and Zoya falling into step, already discussing their losses in hushed tones.
Nikolai watched them all leave. He turned and walked to the bed in the corner. He settled you on the bed, gently pulling you out of your blood-stained kefta. His hand carefully brushed the hair out of your face, lingering to caress your face.
Of course you’d worked yourself to exhaustion helping others. That was what Nikolai liked about you - how much you cared. Whether it was to heal him or some other misfortunate soldier, you always had a way of putting people at ease. As a high-ranking healer in the Triumvirate, you’d tended to your fair share of Nikolai’s wounds, and a closeness had sprung up between the two of you. The late-night comfort when you couldn’t sleep, the banter and jokes, the relief he felt when you were together, like a weight had lifted off his chest.
These thoughts ran through his head as he looked down on your unconscious form in his bed. He caught sight of a gold chain peeking out from under your shirt - the glimmer of his compass, which he’d given you before one of your missions almost a year ago.
“So you can always find your way back to me, my darling Healer.”
“I’m sure you’d find a way to worm into some other Corporalki’s good graces if I didn’t come back.”
“Ah, but who else would put up with my tendency to waltz into their room at night with unexplained injuries?”
You swatted his arm lightly. “I’m still not sure why I put up with it.”
He winked. “You know you love me all the more for it.”
He was broken out of his memory by your shifting around on the bed, a slight cleft appearing between your eyebrows at whatever dreams were bothering you. He leaned down and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead. He murmured your name quietly. “My darling Healer.”
He pulled away to attend to the paperwork at his desk, the figures and losses that had been calculated from this last fight. He wandered the tent as the hours passed, sending messages and talking to soldiers that came in to him, but never leaving your side.
* * * * *
You stirred slightly, awareness slowly beginning to seep back into the corners of your sleep-addled mind. You were on a soft bed and someone had taken off your kefta. The pain in your head had faded but you felt your muscles protesting as you raised yourself into a seated position, taking in what you were seeing.
You were still in the king’s tent, in one of the corners with a curtain drawn around part of the bed to give you privacy. You struggled to remember what had happened - a wave of exhaustion, the feeling of strong arms lifting you and a faint press of softness to your forehead.
A soft voice awoke you from your thoughts. “You’re awake.”
Nikolai stood a few feet away from the bed, his face creased with worry.
“Wh-what happened?” You croaked, your voice scratchy in your throat.
Nikolai approached the bed, sitting carefully in front of you. He refused to meet your gaze as he spoke. “You collapsed. Tolya says from exhaustion. You worked yourself too hard.” His gaze finally lifted to your face, hazel eyes softening and taking in every feature. You dimly registered the fact that you’d taken hold of his hand, his calluses brushing against yours.
“How long was I out?” you asked.
“A few hours. You still need more rest but you’ll- you’ll be okay.” His breath caught in his throat and he turned his face away from you.
“Nikolai?” you said. You gently caught hold of his chin and turned his face back to yours, repeating his name more firmly. “Hey.” Your voice softened. “Look at me.”
His eyes darted up to yours, his lips parting slightly. “I almost-” his voice cracked. “I thought I lost you” he trembled. You brought your hand up to softly wipe away a tear, your own eyes beginning to fill with tears at Nikolai’s worry. He had been scared, and now he was at his most vulnerable, here, with you, confessing his worries. He wasn’t the King of Ravka in this moment; he was just a scared boy, worried for someone dear to his heart.
You pressed closer to Nikolai, shifting so that you were sitting on his lap, your arms around his neck and one hand running through his hair. You pulled away to look at him, taking in his dishevelled blonde hair, his hazel eyes, the slightly crooked nose.
“You will never lose me.”
He nodded, tears shining in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer. You pressed your face into the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent and listening to the steady thrum of your heartbeats.
You felt a muffled whisper against your neck where Nikolai had pressed his face. “My darling Healer.”