Chapter Text
Gaining an understanding of one's self is identical in process, if not also in product, as creating a universe. You must become the Holy Trinity; The Will, The Man and the Executive Power above all to facilitate the profound function and experience that is life and the act of living. The degree to which you understand the simultaneously allegorical and literal truth of this fact is the degree to which you are awake and aware of your surroundings. It is an allegorical truth, for at the end of the day, these are just words on a page, and while the extent to which I have personally delved into the nuanced mastery of the English language, regardless of the truth and validity to which I am professing, all I can do is tell you a story.
I learned early on that lessons are best told in story, and it was from all the masters and wizards of our species that I accumulated, digested, internalized and synthesized the stories old as time itself, shared in perpetuity throughout the known and unknown ages of human history.The simple fact of the matter is that when you know what you’re looking for, it’s deceptively easy to recognize. The trick that makes it simultaneously easy and impossible is that you’re looking for everything at the same time. Then there’s the body problem.
The point I’m trying to make here, is that whether I’m breaking down Einstein’s theory of relativity and trying to impress the notion that he was short sighted to only account for 3 space and 1 time dimensions or waxing poetic on the book of Genesis as the book that explains quite literally the genesis of pretty much everything OTHER than the creation of the actual universe or Earth or anything in it, it's just gunna be a story. Hopefully compelling, probably dense, and heavily steeped in allegory and metaphor to simultaneously dilute and condense the information as efficient and effective a manner possible.
It is a literal truth, because, well… It's the truth. It's that thing that exists independent of readership, bias, or if I took the time to do this or not.
To circle back at risk of losing you, I'm talking about world building. I’m talking about the monumental process involved in the act of living. Of Being. Of being part of the world, aware of your surroundings. It's a process that is intricate on a level I don't think many people have even really thought about enough to even begin to comprehend. It starts at the moment of gestation, and then it's just this slow loading bar, progressing and assimilating in increments that only appear to have passed when enough degrees of separation exist to even be able to notice the difference, and try as humanity might, there's no way to escape that at the very least, the PHYSIOLOGICAL portion doesn’t seem to enter into the endgame playable range until the mid 20’s. And that’s just the God or “Father” Portion of the holy trinity juggling act that it takes to be a fully conscious, sentient participant in this whole human experience experiment thing we’ve all got going on here.
Then there's a matter of the Holy Ghost. This one is probably the easiest to build, because you’re thrust into an awareness of it the moment your parents give you a name and repeat the sound enough times for you to finally get it that they’re probably doing it to get your attention. It's the thing inside you where when someone says you’re a thing, and you like it, it is the embodiment of that thing. It is the picture you have in your head of “good” that you are consciously and subconsciously always striving to meet, and the kick back feelings about yourself are likely your internal awareness or perception of how far off the track you’ve gone. The problem with the holy spirit, is that your personal picture of “good” may actually, truly and objectively not be good. Like for real. You’re just wrong. It’s not personal. The likely culprit was the above mentioned Body Problem.
Do you know what it takes to create a body? To take a formless mass of cells contained with the memory of every genetic decision ever made in the history of the human race over the course of 30.000-70.000 years, pump it full of biomechanical and atmospheric pressures, tensions, stresses. It is the pure accidental and inevitable freak accident that results from infinite trial and error that the method and manner in which these clumps of cells respond to 9 months of agitation is in a form that resembles the BARELY complete human body from a human womb. And I mean BARELY. There is literally no other animal quite as helpless as the human baby when it is born. We evolved to the extent where the only true determining factor as to the time of our birth and duration of gestation is the size of our brain.
(When considering the fact that the human prefrontal cortex, the center of the brain in which all higher brain functions such as impulse control, anger management and critical thinking, isn’t fully developed until mid to late 30’s, the bloody and overall degenerate patterns of history make a WHOLE lot more sense.)
So we pop out of the womb in this floppy, structurally malleable and overwhelmingly hopeless state and we know exactly one thing. No more. No less.
I Am.
Very quickly, that may become “I AM hungry,” or “I AM uncomfortable because there is shit in my pants” or “I AM upset because nothing feels good right now,” but in the beginning, it is only the I AM. Of course, it isn’t for another 3-5 years that you will even have the facilities to be able to condense that simple understanding into the words necessary to convey it, and by then, you’ve gotten pretty wrapped up or backlogged in the “I AM” sensory input from the rest of the body and beginnings of an understanding of the particulars of your Spirit and your ever fluctuating relative distance to it, and that, in a nutshell, is the story of the Original Sin. The Fall. The clothing of flesh. The Downfall of Man. The sentence to never ending cycles of civilization and war. The separation of the son from the father. The steady ladder climb of progress and utter annihilation existing in some variable of infinity multiplied by an exponent of 7, remembered only in the barest and vaguest of myths at the time of their execution. Because the body is DIFFICULT. The body is the true machine responsible for creating the world around it, for while God is closest to the Eyes and to the Ears and made it a point to turn up the sound and turn on the lights on day one, the vast majority of his temple is housed in Flesh and Bone; The Water and Earth of Dust and Blood powered by the Fire in our Gut and Gods Breath in our Nostrils. And that Flesh and encapsulating Skin is subject to a multiple of environmental and atmospheric variables that staggers the mind. There are internal pressures. External pressures. Negative Electron Vacuum Chains. A balance of anaerobic and aerobic respiratory systems. Postural deviations. Natural gravity tension lines, and the fact that you’re quite unnaturally oscillating between two hemisphere's instead of nature’s more favored exposition of the Prime.
YOU are doing these things. There is a brain in your skull that is capable of thinking about the whole thing, but it’s housed in a body that is absolutely, irrefutably doing these things. It’s a series of automatic processes hardwired into your cells in such a fashion where you don't necessarily HAVE to think about it and pick everything apart and try and put all the pieces back together and hope that you got it right, but you can. I have. I mean, we all are on some level, but I made myself aware of it to the most minute degree possible. I had to. It was the logical and necessary next step. The alternative was utter nonexistence. The result was 34 years of agitation culminating in the synthesis of a perpetually unfinished product that is a fully conscious, fully aware Source of Life. That's when father and son are reunited. That's when the Spirit becomes Holy. That’s when you meet your God.