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The noise of the raindrops falling on the roof of the cars was lost thanks to the noise cancellers he was wearing. The rain didn't bother him, it bothered him and overstimulated the irritating sound it made when it fell torrentially.
He puts his left hand in his coat pocket in search of warmth, finding a pebble at the bottom. He takes a quick glance at the little pebble extracted from the deep inside of his pocket, almost forgotten.
A chuckle left his body as he remembered that weekend in Brighton with Simon. It wasn't a summer weekend filled with tanned tourists. On the contrary, it was a cloudy and slightly windy Saturday afternoon where the beach was scarce of people, leaving them with the land almost to themselves. He recalls the sound of Simon's giggles added to his cries of joy as he made the pebble bounce off the salty water. The way in which the sea breeze ruffled the mane of curlers that he adored so much, and the mention that if they went into the sea, the water of minus two degrees would cause them hypothermia. All those memories make him feel jealous of his self from a few months ago who wasn’t dealing with hundreds of conferences that bring him overwhelmed.
The fleeting flashback isn’t enough to prevent the various previous intrusive thoughts from coming back, even stronger. His left leg moves in anxiety to get home, it was one of those exhausting days, full of conferences and people behind him complaining because he had not done something or because he did the other.
So when he sees from the window of the back seat of the car that he has arrived at the familiar parking lot of the building where Wilhelm lives, he doesn't wait any longer to go to his flat.
He doesn't know for sure if the wait inside the elevator has become mortifyingly longer or if it's the mental and physical exhaustion that he is carrying that makes him want to faint until he sees how the metal doors open and knows that at the end of the corridor is the door he longs for.
Before turning the metal doorknob, he removes the noise silencers, inside the rain is almost inaudible. Upon entering you are greeted by the warm lights of the room followed by the soft smell of melted cheese emanating from the kitchen, thanks to now not wearing the headphones, he manages to receive Simon's humming in the kitchen.
The contrast that is generated is so drastic, outside and throughout the day he had people pushing and shoving while behind that door he only found warmth in Simon in the kitchen humming.
Before going to the kitchen, he gets rid of his coat, leaving it on the hatstand in the foyer, leaving him with one of Simon's sweaters that he had taken in the morning.
Upon entering the kitchen, Simon is shirtless wearing only joggers as he stirs the contents of the saucepan, Wilhelm doesn’t hesitate to approach him wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his jaw on the shorter man's shoulder. Simon shudders a little at the unexpected contact. “Oh, Hi, Amor. I didn't hear you arrive. Tough day?" Simón asks sweetly, receiving a murmur of affirmation. "I supposed, made mac and cheese, it's almost done." Wilhelm moves away from Simon to sit on one of the counter stools.
He takes out his cell phone to continue checking documents. The repetitive sound of the knife cutting the coriander leaves, added to the pressure and fatigue that he has carried all day, makes him involuntarily move his right leg quickly and begin to breathe deeply.
Simon notices a change in attitude in Wilhelm. Rough days often lead Wilhelm to have anxiety attacks. "Hey, Wille, breathe."
"Sorry." Wilhelm apologises, even when he has nothing to apologise for, his mind makes him believe that he should.
"Don't say that. Just breathe." Simon says quietly as he walks over to the side of the counter where Wilhelm is. "It's okay, babe. Breathe in, breathe out." He stands in front of Wilhelm, separated by the cold marble, only removing Wilhelm's hand from his mouth to avoid injuring his thumb. He gives his hand two gentle squeezes, a gesture that means to them an "I love you, I'm with you" That’s what Wilhelm needs, that kind of physical contact so delicate and strong at the same time.
"That's it." Wilhelm seems calmer, but he knows that in his mind there are still thoughts tormenting him that could trigger a nocturnal anxiety attack. "Gonna give you two options. Either we talk about it now or we have dinner on the couch, cuddle, and talk about it later.
Though you're not in the mood to talk and I won't make you talk if you don't want to. Do you prefer the second option?"
Wilhelm is grateful that Simon knows him so well. He knows and respects when Wilhelm simply doesn't want to talk at all or just keywords. "Yes.”
As Simon scoops the pasta onto plates he keeps talking without dazing Wilhelm, just enough to keep Wilhelm from overthinking.
It doesn't take long for both of them to be seated on the sofa, with a blanket draped only to their waists and cushions in their laps to set the dishes on.
They have changed the ceiling light for lamps and a diffuser that gives off a pleasant and soft aroma of cinnamon.
Those small details help Wilhelm when he needs to clear his head, so Simon makes sure that he is comfortable and not with things that irritate him more.
When the food on the plates has disappeared and they have been deposited on the coffee table in the living room, Wilhelm finds himself nestled in Simon's arms. "You're doing great, amor." Simon whispers as he buries his fingers in his boyfriend's hair.
"I don't…" Wilhelm tries to contradict but is interrupted by Simon. It's been a long, hard road to overcome the lingering anxiety in his life, and a part of it is still there, kicking in when the world demands too much. "Wille, you're doing great." He reaffirms.
"Yeah." Wilhelm agrees, it's helpful to have someone remind him that he's doing it right when he doubts.
"You're safe, you can sleep if you want. I'm right here." Simon whispers softly.
He eventually falls asleep, finally feeling safe in Simon's arms who will surely wake up uncomfortable but couldn't care less.
The outside world keeps moving on, everyone's up to something, but they're there in their own bubble, being themselves where they don't need to pretend and be strong all the time.
Wilhelm has his safe place to go to put aside the voices that say "You should be doing more" to Simon he can admit that he's just too soft for all of it, he's not perfect and Simon has never expected him to be. All that he ever wanted from him was sweet nothing.
So when Wilhelm feels overwhelmed by the outside world he finds himself running home to Simon's sweet nothings.