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II doesn’t usually like to leave their manor, it’s isolating and reminds him how different he is from everyone else these days. How other he is.
It also doesn’t help that his senses are dialled up, he leaves the safety of the manor and everything is just so intense, there’s no break from it. Nothing to help him. He craves the safety of the cold dark house he’s built a home in, it’s old and crumbling around them, it’s barren and by all rights, it should be devastatingly lonely to occupy such a big empty space with only three others but it never feels that way, it’s his home and the only place he’s comfortable to truly exist in.
Sometimes, when he can’t piece together why he would have chosen this life of pain and servitude he thinks about his home and his family and it makes it slightly easier to live with.
So II doesn’t like to leave the house much, much less does he like going to the shop. It’s a simple task that is somehow so anxiety-inducing for II it makes him want to cry, he’s stood in the middle of a Tescos right now trying not to break at all the bright fluorescent lights. There’s so much. So many brands of food that he barely touches anymore, so many people wandering about, not caring as they bump into him and make him curl in on himself.
His skin itches and he hates it but he knows III needs him here and he can’t let him down. Won’t let him down.
Whilst II struggles mainly with the outside III seems to struggle with everything, it’s not that they don’t all have problems of course but III can’t seem to exist just right anywhere, how much of this is the man himself and how much of it is Sleep’s influence II isn’t sure but the only place III ever seems himself is during their rituals and that leaves a sinking feeling of unease in II’s stomach.
When they’re performing III’s free to be himself, he can dance and move around as erratically as he wants, he can scream and yell, he can even sit down when needed, it all just works. It’s not quite the same outside the rituals.
He still does all of that of course, it’s who he is he can’t just stop, but his actions are jerkier, there’s more of a strain to them. When he moves around frantically it looks more like he’s trying to shed his skin and get out than any form of being at peace with himself. It hurts II to watch.
Somedays, like today, III can’t handle it anymore. He spins around the house in a manic frenzy that none of them can get him down from, he talks and weeps and laughs and doesn’t appear to have any awareness of what he’s doing. He scratches at his skin like there’s something inside that needs out and it makes II’s heartbreak because they know there is.
Sleep’s blessings don’t come easy.
II moves around the store sluggishly, he’s trying to be quick about it so he can return home, return to III, but there’s only so much he can take. It’s difficult as well because he doesn’t really know what people eat anymore, as the second he’s further along in his transformation than the other two and he honestly can’t remember the last time he’s eaten anything, simply not needing it anymore.
III and IV don’t exactly eat often but they do need the energy it provides them still and he knows that III especially still finds comfort in the action (he also knows the guilt III harbours from this, as if it makes him lesser somehow).
A small part of II wishes IV at least could be here to help him with this but neither he nor Vessel had been around for III’s breakdown and he knows the other fears that they judge him when he gets like this, none of them does of course but it’s easier to let III maintain as much privacy as he can so he doesn’t spiral anymore.
He ends up at the vegetable aisle long enough for a shop assistant to come up to him and ask him if he needs any help, he panics for a moment, not having used his voice in so long, relying solely on their telepathic bond, that he doesn’t know if he physically can reply before he hears the words slip from his mouth.
He’s glad Sleep hasn’t completely taken this from him at least.
“Ah, sorry, my friend isn’t feeling too well and I’m trying to make him something to help,” he hears and tries not to flinch at the sound of his own voice. Does he really sound like that?
The woman smiles at him kindly and he feels his face flush a bit from this, when was the last time anyone outside his family looked at him like that? Not at the Vessel he is but the man he’s been so quickly losing?
“If you want to head back to the front of the store we do a free magazine with recipes in, you should be able to find something there to help.”
He thanks her genuinely for this and she sends her best to his friend and then they part leaving him in a daze from such a simple conversation.
Idly he wonders what he looked like to her, he doesn’t take his mask off anymore but he suspects Sleep disguises this for him due to the lack of questions or even just looks at it. Is it his old face that they see or something else?
He doesn’t have the courage in him to ask anyone, well he doesn’t know how he’d even approach that but if he worked out a way he still doesn’t think he could. How would he know if the face they described to him was his own or not?
He reaches the magazines and shakes himself out of his thoughts, he flips through one and whilst most recipes do appear to be more complicated than he could manage he settles on one that looks good. He’s not entirely sure what it is but the recipe calls it comforting and he thinks that’s exactly what III needs.
He makes his way back around the shop, he still gets lost and it’s still difficult, his head feeling like it’s pounding in on him, but it is easier now that he knows exactly what he’s looking for, he fills his basket up with the ingredients the recipe calls for and then throws in a soft toy he sees on display, it's a soft rabbit that appears to be for some upcoming holiday and it’s stupid but it makes him smile and the texture of the fur eases his brain a bit and he hopes it might have the same effect on III.
He goes to the counter and pays, the cashier doesn’t talk to him other than a basic greeting but he’s honestly fine with that, this trip has been so much and if he’d known how to use one of those self-service checkouts he would have but that felt like more stress than needed so this works well.
He packs his bags and leaves the store, it’s a walk back to the manor but one he’s happy to take. It helps centre him and the fresh air brings him back to himself, easing the anxiety he felt from the store. By the time he arrives back at the manor, he feels almost entirely himself again and he smiles at this, knowing that he’ll be able to help III fully.
He slips in the door and makes a quick detour to the kitchen to put the bags down before grabbing the plushie he’d bought and going straight to III’s room. When he arrives he feels his heart break just a little more, he’s glad that the man no longer seems to be manic but he’s curled up under piles of blankets and he can see the way they seem to be shaking.
II tiptoes over and slowly lifts them up, getting in and joining III. He holds the shaking body close to him and soothes him as the man cries, he curls into a ball and pushes as close as he possibly can to II’s chest, he’s fairly certain that if III could manage he’s curl up deep inside his ribs and just live there.
He can’t of course but II can wrap his arms around him and hold him as tight as possible. Sometimes, when they’re like this, he forgets how much taller than him III is, he’s so small and breakable that II can’t picture it.
He holds onto him and rubs his shoulders until III finally starts to calm down.
He murmurs gentle reassurances the whole time usually he’d use the bond but hearing his voice earlier reminded him of how personal speech can be and he uses it this once, just for III. “It’s okay, you’re alright, I’m here” are repeated over and over again until III finally feels strong enough to unfurl from the ball he’d made himself into and look up at II.
His eyes are bloodshot under the mask and it makes II wince to look at, he gives him a gentle kiss on his forehead though and reaches for his hand. “I promise you’re okay III, I have you.”
The smallest curve of a smile itches under on III’s face and relief floods II at this sight, he pushes down the blankets from over them and sits them up, still holding onto III who still somehow manages to look incredibly small.
It’s at this he realises he forgot to give him the plushie and he hands it out without saying anything, III takes it looking quizzically at it but II sees the smile on his face and the way his fingers brush gently across the fur and knows he made the right choice.
Now that III’s slightly calmer he needs to get to cooking, he doesn’t want to leave III when he’s like this though so he uses the hand still holding his and pulls him to his feet, making sure to keep one of the blankets wrapped around his shoulder. He looks at him standing there, towering over II and yet impossibly small, wrapped up in a blanket and clinging to the paw of the bunny II got him and he gets so overwhelmed with love for this ridiculous man that he leans up on his tiptoes to kiss him.
It’s a soft gentle kiss, neither of them wanting more than that, but it’s slow and long, both of them just finding comfort and love in the other.
Eventually though they pull apart (partially due to II’s aching neck from straining up as much as he hates to admit it) and slowly II leads him to the kitchen.
III follows a step behind him, cautious at being out of his room, at the idea of the others seeing him like this, at being so vulnerable, but II squeezes his hand softly and he puts his fears to the side, content to follow.
They get to the kitchen and II starts unpacking the bags, he really should have done this before but he was so desperate to get to III that he hadn’t wanted to waste another second.
He removes everything inside them and gets the recipe out, propping it on the side and reading it in depth.
He stays like that for longer than he probably needs to (he really wants to get this right) before he gets pulled out of it at the sound of a laugh, he pivots on the spot and sees III chuckling at him and shaking his head. He mock glares at the man, Fine you do it then! He sends down the bond huffing and III chuckles, walking over.
He’s still holding the bunny and the blankets around him but he’s not clutching either so tight now and he grins, Okay little guy, I will.
II blushes at the nickname but not nearly as much as he blushes when he feels III’s arms scoop him up and place him on the counter!
He blushes and swears in disbelief as III starts to move around the kitchen beginning to cook- Hey! No! He jumps down and goes over to III, hitting his arm, Sit the fuck down I’m doing this for you.
III smiles at that again, Do you even know how to cook?
II grumbles at that. Admittedly he doesn’t but he has a recipe book and he’s not a fucking idiot.
Come on, it’s sweet you want to do this for me but let me help okay? I actually know what to do in the kitchen.
II sighs but gives in with a slow nod, I’m still in charge though.
III nods at that and does a mock salute that makes II roll his eyes so hard he’s worried they’ll turn to the back of his head. He grabs a chopping board they have and gives III some fresh items to start chopping as he goes to boil some pasta.
They work side by side in comparable silence, they bicker occasionally over the right seasonings to use and II huffs when III eventually gets his way because he’s the one actually eating this and when was the last time II ate anything?
It all feels rather beside the point but in the end, II relents and lets III add what he wants. He does manage to get some of the sauce on III’s nose though which makes him laugh hard enough to get over it.
III just scowls at him for this and then leans in close to II and rubs his nose on his cheek which feels enormously unfair but neither of them can stop laughing at this point and they’re so lost in each other they almost don’t notice when their dish burns, luckily II still has half a brain cell and manages to get the pot off the heat before that happens.
They dance around each other and grin, a part of II hurt when he saw III had put his present down (which was ridiculous because obviously he can’t cook whilst holding it) and he can’t hold back his grin when he sees III pick it back up again once the preparations are done and they’re just waiting for the timer to finish.
When it’s finally done II pushes III down on his seat and serves up for him before sitting opposite him. He can’t help but watch nervously to see if III enjoys it. He knows logically he should; he had a large hand in helping but still, he wants it to be just right. He slumps a bit in relief when III takes a bite and grins at him.
The crash from the anxiety leaves II a little unaware of his surroundings so he nearly jumps from his chair when he feels III take his hand and feels his cheeks heat at that. Sometimes he’s so fucking thankful for the masks.
III chuckles a little at him before taking his hand and gently bringing it to his mouth, kissing the knuckles of them and looking at II with such an earnest expression his heart clenches, Thank you.
II nods at that because there’s not much more he can do, there are no words to describe how painful it is seeing III breakdown like that, how he’d do anything to put a smile on his face again. How much he loves him.
There aren’t the words for any of that so he just smiles at him as he eats and hopes he knows.