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Mike jogged up the stairs after Bruno, eager to get back to the apartment since Michael had been out most of the morning meeting with Anne at Base. If everything was running on schedule Michael should’ve returned by now. Mike had picked up Hesburger on his walk with Bruno and made sure they had a full bottle of whiskey at home. They were going to have a good night, Mike was determined.
After their heart to heart a few weeks ago, Mike had been feeling an odd mix of euphoria and anxiety. Telling Michael that he loved him had been freeing and the result of that confession was that they seemed closer than ever, with Michael showering Mike with affection and tenderness. At the same time Michael’s sheep dogging had started to reach new heights, making missions a frequent point of contention with Michael stubbornly determined to take on all or nearly all risk in order to shield Mike and Mikey. And Mike had not forgotten that Michael’s response to Mike’s declaration was to essentially tell him that their relationship was doomed.
So. Mike was happy and anxious in equal measure. What else was new?
But things had started to stabilize and Mike was feeling optimistic. He’d been mulling over the beginnings of a plan and it was starting to take shape in his mind. Once he had a better grasp on the particulars he’d have to start the slow process of manipulating Michael into eventually thinking he was the one who came up with the plan. Manipulation was maybe too strong a word. Subliminally plant the seeds of the idea in Michael's mind? Yeah that sounded better. Whatever. It was for love. Surely that made it okay.
When Mike reached their floor he stopped short when he spotted Michael in the hallway opening the door to the apartment next door to theirs. Hearing Mike and Bruno, Michael’s head snapped in their direction, a sharp look on his face that was gone almost before Mike could identify it.
“Hey, I picked up Hesburger!” Mike called out, grinning at the cowboy and proffering the bag for him to see. Mike let Bruno into their apartment and shut the door behind him before turning back to Michael. “What are you doing next door?”
Michael smiled back and crossed to Mike. “Haven’t seen you all day,” he complained as he leaned and gave Mike a fairly chaste kiss only to nip his bottom lip as he straightened.
The fog of desire descended on Mike immediately. Had he always been this embarrassingly easy to distract? He reached out to take Michael’s hand, “Come inside,” Mike mumbled giving Michael’s hand a tug. He was suddenly so hungry for Michael he thought he might be salivating.
A wolfish grin blossomed on Michael’s face and he leaned in for a longer more lingering kiss, his tongue gently teasing Mike’s, one hand grasping at Mike’s waist. Mike melted against the cowboy, letting Michael press him back against the wall. Michael’s mouth dragged from Mike’s lips down to his throat, teeth nipping as he went.
Michael lifted his head to bite at Mike’s ear, making Mike’s knees buckle, before murmuring, “You head on in and get Bruno settled. I’ll be with you in a minute, I just gotta check the empty apartment. Thought I heard vermin moving around in there.”
Mike blinked, trying to think through the haze of longing. “Oh, I’ll come with you,” not willing to let Michael out of his sight.
Michael shook his head, “Naw, you don’t gotta-”
Giving Michael an easy smile and a wink, Mike walked through the open door of the neighboring apartment. “It’s no trouble. Come on, let’s go check it out.”
“Mike, I don’t think we remembered to put Bruno’s water bowl down for him,” Michael said, as he hurried after Mike. “You mind checking-“
“Holy fuck.”
In the kitchen of the empty apartment was a hog tied and gagged Mikey. Michael rushed in just in time for Mike to spin around to face him, his expression furious.
“It ain’t what it looks like,” Michael began calmly.
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” Mike roared in response and gave Michael a violent shove.
Michael held his hands up before him and kept his voice low and soothing, “Mike, we cannot deal with this right now. We have to deal with what’s in front of us first and then-”
Mike shook his head, angry tears shining in his eyes threatened to fall. He went over to the Mikey and ripped off the gag, “How’d you get like this Mikey?” Mike demanded.
“I escaped the compound-“ Mikey rasped but Mike cut him off.
“No, I don’t care how you got to our apartment. I’m sure you’ve got a bullshit tale all planned out. How did you end up hog tied in this apartment?” Mike demanded.
“Mike, we can’t trust-” Michael tried to cut in.
Mikey nodded his head in Michael’s direction, “He tied me up as soon as I walked through the door and then stowed me in here.”
Mike nodded, “Right,” and then turned around and spat at Michael’s feet as he stalked passed him. “Fucking liar.”
“He’s telling you what you want to hear,” Michael argued in a low growl, following Mike out.
The compound Mikey called out, “Uhh, anyone gonna untie me?” as Michael slammed the door closed on his way out.
Mike prowled into his and Michael’s apartment and into the kitchen, angrily assembling Bruno’s dinner while Bruno whined nervously. Michael, unnervingly silent, watched as Mike put Bruno, along with his food and water dishes, into the guest room, what used to be Mike’s old bedroom. Mike wasn’t done yelling at Michael and he didn’t want Bruno to witness it.
That done, Mike returned to the kitchen to find Michael leaning against the counter waiting.
“Are you doing this deliberately?” Mike asked.
Michael blinked, “The hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Pushing me away. If we’re doing this for real-“
“For fucks sake Mike, we ARE doing this for real. And I’m not pushing you away, I don’t know how that Mikey got in there-”
Mike laughed bitterly, the sting of betrayal making him feel cornered and mean. “How the hell am I supposed to believe that? No really Michael, tell me how. You keep everything close to chest. All I know for sure is that you enjoy fucking me. Everything else is an open question because you sure as hell don’t trust me.”
Michael looked incredulous, “Of course I trust you.”
“Then why on earth didn’t you want me to come into that apartment with you. If you had no idea that a Mikey was in there, why did you try to send me away?”
Michael hesitated just a beat too long, “I didn’t-”
“I cannot believe you!” Mike seethed. “You literally just used the promise of sex in an attempt to keep me from finding out you had a compound Mikey stowed away. What trust, Michael?”
Michael swallowed, looking actually nervous now. “Mike, I trust you. Of course I do, I love-“
Before he even knew what he was doing Mike had reached into the Hesburger bag, pulled out a loosely wrapped burger and threw it at Michael, hitting him square in the chest. Pickles, tomato, and burger exploded everywhere. “Don’t you fucking dare,” Mike warned, his voice dipping low. “You do not get to trot that out for the first time just to get you out of a fucking fight. You shut your mouth or I swear to god Michael-“
“It ain’t any less true,” Michael rasped, tears in his eyes now. “Mike, please-”
Mike shook his head, his own tears finally falling. “Do you think you deserve it? The pain of all those deaths on your conscience? Is that why you don’t want me to help you?”
Michael didn’t respond. He seemed to have decided to let Mike get it all out.
“I can’t imagine how much you must hate yourself to want to carry all that on your own,” Mike tried again. Michael remained unmoved, just waiting for Mike to lose steam. “Do you think you’re some hero for going it alone and shutting me out? Are you trying to end this prematurely? Send me running back to Edgar with my tail between my legs? I shouldn't be surprised given how often you remind me we're running on borrowed time.”
For a moment Mike was sure he’d hit a nerve but Michael just took a deep breath and folded his arms.
Suddenly all Mike saw was red. He just wanted Michael to hurt the way he was hurting. Because there was nothing quite like pain delivered by someone you loved. “You know. I always wondered. Do you enjoy slaughtering Edgars as much as you do Mikeys?”
Mike saw the moment his words struck their target, Michael’s face twisted and he grabbed Mike roughly by the shirt.
“Shut your fucking mouth,” Michael growled, giving Mike a little shake.
Mike just grinned, “Or what cowboy? Gonna kill me too?”
Michael froze for a moment, then he looked at his hands gripping Mike’s shirt and he blinked, his expression suddenly full of shame. He stumbled back, releasing Mike. Without a word he turned and walked toward the their front door.
“You’re a fucking coward!” Mike yelled after him.
The door slammed and Michael was gone.
************
Mike lay staring at the ceiling in Edgar’s bedroom at Base. Unable to sit alone with his feelings, within ten minutes of Michael leaving Mike had messaged Mikey to come watch Bruno and then shot off a message to Edgar requesting an unscheduled home visit. It was something he never did for fear of fucking up Edgar’s - or rather Base’s - carefully planned mission schedule.
Edgar, to his credit, didn’t hesitate in transporting him. Even more, when Mike arrived, Edgar didn’t press him for details, only pulled him into a bone crushing hug and let Mike cry it out. Responsible to a fault, he was also the one to message Michael to let him know where Mike had gone so that he wouldn’t worry.
That was all three days ago. On the second day Michael had sent one message to Mike.
Come home. Please.
Mike had stared at the message for a long time, still so hurt, but aching to make things right with Michael. Their last exchange replayed again and again in his mind and he felt sick every time he remembered the look of hurt and shame on Michael’s face right before he left. In the end all he could send back was I will. I promise.
But he wasn’t ready. And he wouldn’t be until he and Edgar finalized their plan.
“I don’t think it’s a bad plan, I just think we need to rethink a few more of the particulars,” Edgar reassured as he typed out the last few points.
Mike groaned and pulled the covers over his head. He’d woken up that morning in Edgar’s arms feeling safe and loved. So safe and so loved that he confessed his half baked plan to Edgar, who immediately had thoughts on how to improve it. They’d been working on it for four hours straight, talking everything through.
“Did you want to take a break?” Edgar offered.
Mike groaned again and peeked over the covers at Edgar. “No. I want to figure this out. I’ve had indigestion for weeks and I’m sick of living on tums.”
Edgar sighed and gave Mike a sad smile. “We’ll get it done, Bear. Between the two of us we’ll figure it out.” After a beat he asked, “Are you sure you don’t want to bring the cowboy into this?”
Mike’s stomach clenched. “No.”
“Mikey he’s going to know eventually-”
“Yeah, well if I tell him ahead of time he’ll just veto the whole thing. He’s determined that this play out one way and one way only,” Mike groused.
Edgar pursed his lips and Mike could tell he was trying to decide whether it was worth pushing.
“Just say it,” Mike told him, gesturing at him to come out with it.
“You’re giving me a say in how this plays out, though,” Edgar pointed out softly. “It just feels… unfair to Michael not to offer him the same courtesy.”
Mike sat up and reached out a hand. Edgar took it, moving to sit on the bed between Mike’s legs so that Mike could hold him. Mike pulled Edgar so that his back was flush with Mike’s chest, Mike’s chin resting on Edgar’s shoulder. “You need to be involved because how and when this happens will have the biggest impact on you.”
Edgar made a face, “I’m pretty sure no matter what your the one that’s most affected.”
“Well, besides me. For Michael, the end result will always be the same. And again. He’d veto it. He’d stop me. He may still try to stop me.”
“I’ll make sure he doesn’t,” Edgar promised, his voice steely. He considered something for a moment. “That parts going to be important, we’ll need to figure out contingencies. If the biggest concern is preventing him from undoing our work, once it’s done we’ll need to wait a few weeks to tell him. It’ll obfuscate the when of it all and make it harder for him to pinpoint where and when he could intervene.”
Mike exhaled heavily and finally said what he had been thinking for the last half hour. “We’re going to need help with that piece at the very least.”
Edgar stiffened in his arms. “No.”
“Hear me out-“
Edgar untangled himself from Mike’s embrace and stood up. “Mikey, no.”
Mike really wished he had gotten dressed before now. He’d feel much more confident defending his position if he weren’t naked. Instead he wrapped the blankets tighter around himself. “Panther, babe, we don’t have the resources. If Michael gets it in his head to try and undo our plan, we won’t be able to stop him by ourselves. Obfuscating the when will only get us so far. You know this. He’s like… ten thousand times more stubborn than I am.”
Edgar raised an eyebrow, “The irony of you saying that when your literally plotting behind his back.”
“Well my original plan was to manipulate him into thinking the plan was his idea over the course of several weeks to months, but I can’t live like this that long so here we are.”
Edgar pursed his lip in disapproval but didn’t say anything other than, “Oh Mikey.”
“Okay putting aside the need for help for just a second. What else about the plan needs improving?” Mike asked, not wanting to get stuck going in circles on this last piece before they hammered out the main parts of the plan.
Edgar sat back down in his chair and considered his next words carefully. “I know that you think iterating yourself before you and Michael ever got together is the best solution because it means that my Mikey will never have uhh-“
“Cheated on you?” Mike supplied.
“I thought we had agreed that it wasn’t cheating,” Edgar corrected, unable to help himself.
Mike rolled his eyes. “Regardless, its not just for you. It’s for him- for me I mean. As much as I love you, leaving Michael will be gut wrenching. If your Mike never fell for Michael, he won’t need to grieve leaving him. And you won’t have to console him. He’ll always have been yours alone.”
Edgar looked at Mike for a long time. “But I’ve been through this with you, Mike. These last several months are a part of who you and I are together. I’m part of helping you execute this plan. If we iterate you from before you get together with Michael and bring him to here, now… that Mike won’t share that with me. If it’s up to me, I’d want you iterated from now.”
They were silent for a moment when Edgar said, “I think it’s sweet though. That you want to spare your iteration the heart ache of losing Michael.”
Mike looked away, “Well I can’t spare myself the heartache of losing you. Might as well try to protect who I can.”
“Hmm, you sounded a little bit like the cowboy just now,” Edgar murmured, eyes bright. “I think he’s rubbing off on you.”
“You take that back,” Mike said, trying for mock outrage to lighten the mood but just sounding wistful instead.
Edgar’s smile was soft and full of knowing affection. “I love you.”
Tears were building behind Mike’s eyes and his throat tightened as he looked at Edgar sitting at his desk, ready to aid and abet Mike and fine tune this ridiculous plan. “The universe was really showing off when it made you, you know? Come back to bed. I want to admire its handiwork.”
*******
It wasn’t that five days was a long time. Hell, normally when Mike had scheduled home visits he was gone a full week. But the key word was scheduled. They had a known, defined end date that Michael could look forward to and prepare for.
This though. This was torture. Without knowing when Mike would be back- if he’d be back- Michael was left in constant anticipation and dread. Mike’s Edgar messaged Michael each day to check in and let him know how things were going.
You holding up okay cowboy? M seems a little better today. Hope you are too ❤️
Michael appreciated it but every time he saw he had a message from Edgar, he half expected it to tell him that Mike just wasn’t returning to this time period. Ever.
He’d been trying to keep busy, resisting the temptation to drink his way through these long solitary days. Sensing that Michael needed him, Mikey had stayed with him the first two days, but Michael had sent him home after that. He didn’t want to cause trouble with early Base in addition to everything else.
On the third and fourth days one of the Anne’s had sent him some easy missions, little corrections that anyone could do but helped keep him busy. Making sure a parking spot stayed open during a specific stretch of time, stalling someone who otherwise might interrupt a bit of light treason.
But today there was nothing.
So after breakfast Michael had gone down to Boris’s and taken Bruno for a long walk.
The problem with this plan is it gave Michael plenty of time to replay the events of that terrible night. He’d fucked up. He knew that, but it had spiraled out of control so fast.
When Michael heard the noises from the neighboring apartment he’d suspected what he’d find but had hoped to be wrong. And he’d told himself that if there was a Mikey in there that he would bring Mike in on it like he promised. He’d just wanted to get a sense for what they were dealing with first. But then Mike had shown up before Michael had a chance to assess the situation.
Seducing Mike as a distraction technique had been low. He’d known that when he was doing it. And he knew it only tapped into Mike’s insecurities about how committed Michael was. Mike had every right to be furious.
But fuck, had Mike lashed out.
Mike had been deliberately trying to provoke him. And fuck if Mike didn’t nail his target. Michael had stormed out, marched into the neighboring apartment ready to put a bullet in the hogtied Mikey’s brain, only to find him missing. He’d alerted Early Base and Mike’s Base, but he’d heard nothing more about it.
As he was dropping Bruno back off with Boris, Michael heard the light ding of a text message. Edgar was late today. Usually he messaged first thing in the morning.
M arriving in Latvia in 20 minutes your time ❤️
Edgar, being both meticulous and thoughtful, likely wanted to give Michael time to prepare.
Back at the apartment Michael stood in the kitchen and waited.
Exactly 20 minutes from when Michael had received Edgar’s text there was a thump from the living room and a soft, “Fuck.”
Michael resisted the urge to rush into the living room and forced himself to wait. He knew that Mike would need to complete his ritual shower after his home visit. The first few times Mike did this Michael thought it was odd given Mike presumably could always shower before he left his time. But then one time Mike had forgotten to remove his discarded clothes from the bathroom afterward and when Michael went to collect them, Edgar’s scent had hit him and he understood.
He waited until he heard the bathroom door close and the shower to run before moving into their bedroom room to wait.
One towel around his waist and another being used to vigorously dry his hair, Mike didn’t notice Michael leaning against his bureau until Mike was standing right in front of him.
“Hey, Partner.”
Mike froze for a second, his eyes searching Michael’s face, assessing his body language, clearly trying to get a sense of his mood. Michael kept his body relaxed, as always, trying to let Mike decide what happens next.
Mike took a tentative step closer, one hand reaching out to cradle Michael’s jaw. Leaning in so his hips pressed against Michael’s, Mike captured his mouth in a slow kiss. Mike’s bad hand was struggling to undo the button’s on Michael’s flannel.
“We should talk,” Michael murmured against Mike’s mouth, batting Mike’s hand away from his shirt only to undo the buttons himself.
“After,” Mike breathed. “Please.”
Michael was taking off his shirt while Mike undid Michael’s trousers.
“Only since you asked so nice,” Michael growled against Mike’s neck and yanked the towel from around Mike’s waist.
*******
Mike roused first, feeling drowsy and sated, cheek over Michael’s heart, the comforting thump-thump reminding him he was home. When had that sound become the key to feeling safe. His arms were wrapped around Michael’s chest, Michael’s hand resting on Mike’s back, their legs tangled up with one another. Unable to help himself he trailed lazy kisses across Michael’s chest. Sometimes Mike felt drunk just looking at him, touching him. He felt Michael stir beneath him, and he couldn’t help the slow smile that crept across his lips.
“Mm mm, you promised we’d talk after,” Michael growled, eyes still closed.
“Later is still after,” Mike murmured as he drifted lower, hoping to put off the difficult conversation as long as possible.
Without a word Michael reached down, grabbing Mike under the armpits and dragged him back up so his cheek rested on Michael’s pillow, allowing the cowboy to look him in the eye. Mike winced. Although Michael’s body was relaxed his expression was stern.
“You’re the one who keeps saying we’re ‘doing this for real’,” Michael reminded, slipping into a unnerving imitation of Mike’s voice and accent for the last few words. “Does that or does that not include talking like grown folk and not brushing shit under the rug?” Michael asked.
His expression softened just a hair as he really looked at Mike. “You haven’t been eating enough while you were gone.”
Mike shifted but tried to keep his expression contrite. Michael’s hand cradled Mike’s jaw, his thumb sliding up to brush just above Mike’s eyes, still pink and puffy from crying, but Michael didn’t comment.
Mike took a few steadying breaths and then finally said, “I didn’t mean it.”
Michael continued looking him in the eye, but didn’t respond. He was going to make Mike say it all.
“I should never have said that, about… about Edgar and the Mikeys,” Mike gulped. He hated himself every time he thought about the emotional grenade he’d lobbed at Michael. “I was hurting and I said it to hurt you.”
“I know,” Michael nodded, running his fingers through Mike’s hair.
“I’m sorry,” Mike whispered, leaning his head into Michael’s touch. “I’m so sorry Michael.”
Michael didn’t speak for a minute, his throat working. Finally he said, “You can’t do that again, Mike.”
He’d had to say it, Mike knew. Michael had to make sure that Mike understood that he wasn’t about to tolerate being deliberately hurt like that. They both deserved better.
“I won’t,” was Mike’s immediate reply, desperate and contrite. He pressed his face into Michael’s chest, tears starting to gather behind his eyes.
Michael gave him a reassuring squeeze and Mike chanced looking up at Michael’s face. Michael’s hand slid down to Mike’s cheek, his thumb brushing back and forth in a soothing rhythm across Mike’s temple.
“You look like shit,” Michael observed, a gentle smile playing on his lips, an attempt to cover his worry with humor.
Mike shrugged. He knew he did. Edgar had gently suggested Mike stay a few more days to get himself together but Mike had been ready and was afraid he’d chicken out if he kept waiting.
“You were gone a while,” Michael observed, when Mike didn’t say anything more. “Edgar take his time kissing it all better?”
Michael had meant it to be a joke but Mike couldn’t help the hurt that flickered across his face.
When Mike didn’t say anything more, Michael cleared his throat. “I didn’t put that Mikey in the empty apartment but I did suspect what we’d find before we went in there and I shouldn’t have tried to mislead you. Most especially not like that. You have my word I will never do that again.”
Mike let out a shaky breath and nodded. He didn’t want to talk about the compound Mikey. He already knew Michael hadn’t put him there.
“I know I can be an overprotective old sheepdog but I wanted to get more information before bringing you in, that’s all, I swear,” Michael insisted, looking worried Mike wouldn’t believe him.
Mike cradled Michael’s face in his hand and pressed his lips to Michael's, “I know,” he breathed into the kiss. For a moment they just lay like that, foreheads pressed against one another. Michael’s eyes searching Mike’s face.
“I’ve been holding back, I know I have. As soon as I offered myself to you, you wanted it all and that took me by surprise. But it ain’t on account of not loving you. I’m just a coward. I know this will have to end-”
Mike covered Michael’s mouth with his fingers, unable to listen to Michael talk about the end. Knowing if he let this part of the conversation go on too long Michael would see something in Mike and know he was hiding something. “You think you have it in you for another round, old man?” he teased lightly, shifting so as to return to trailing kisses across Michael’s chest.
Eyes lit with mischief, Michael growled, “We won’t know unless we try,”