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Crying.
Incessant crying.
Megumi was certain this was day two of it. It wasn't even in his home; the shadows he infested currently were next door to it. He didn't believe this dilapidated building was even hospitable for humans, which was why he chose it. When he did not need to feed, he avoided human life as much as possible. They were loud, they stank, and the vast majority were useless. He held great disdain and sometimes he wondered if, once upon a time, he had been human. Probably. But it didn't matter now. They were food. Prey.
What mattered now was the raucous nuisance that was the baby next door. Shadowy tendrils absorbed his form as he disappeared and sank into the cement. A second later and he formed again on the opposite side of the wall, easily taking up space in the darkness of the room. There was no light, but Megumi was shadow incarnate; he did not need it. Of course, the room stank of waste and negative emotion. Discomfort, loneliness, fear. And the noise was so much worse now that he was in the room. This baby certainly had a pair of lungs on him and it would be the bane of Megumi's existence if he didn't just gobble the thing up now. Megumi briefly squeezed his eyes shut before approaching the little beast in its crib. It was too soon to have another meal but the baby looked scrawny. It wouldn't be much.
Megumi assumed the scent of fear was from seeing the shadows move. It was a baby; it should be afraid. He assumed the volume of its cries increased because his menacing presence was picked up on— children and babies were very good at that. The baby was loud and raucous and continued to flail and carry on.
Loud and raucous until he actually saw Megumi, where he immediately quieted. Baby full of darkness, Megumi saw. He was not scared of the abyss that watched him with glowing green eyes. If anything, he reached out, perhaps recognizing Megumi as a presence at his core, not just a monster in the dark, of the dark. But why should Megumi care about that? He was a monster, he ate babies and children and left no trace of them. It suited him, whether the child was cared for or not. It did not matter. And yet this one stank of thorough neglect and hurt and— he's just too much like me.
Shadowy tendrils flowed like sludge through the dark as they moved to lift the baby from his broken crib. Megumi did not feel the cold in the sense of pain, but he realized then that the place was freezing. Of course it was, it was the dead of winter in a damaged building without heat. His mouth opened and unhinged like the giant maw of a serpent, the baby held just above to be dropped and swallowed whole. The baby twitched and babbled and sputtered, that thing they tend to do when they enjoy the sight of something.
Why did he care ?
Megumi blinked as he watched. His jaw remained open, green disappearing in the darkness each time he blinked. Why did he care? Eating him would save him a world of trouble and more of this— and it was irrelevant. It would save Megumi nights of listening to this helpless thing cry while laying in its own filth, remaining seemingly abandoned. It would die now rather than freezing to death. It—
Frustrated, he carried the thing around for a while. His jaw righted itself, nostrils flaring with malcontent.
For fuck's sake, Megumi. You eat these kinds of things, you don't give them warmth.
He quietly paced the room as he scolded himself, becoming more and more disgruntled as the baby settled in his tentacles, and furthermore as he realized there were other voices in the apartment. And he continued to scold himself as he left the room to see two people curled up on a couch, drugged out of their minds and passed out. He had half a mind to eat them instead, but it expended more energy than they were worth— there was a reason he ate children. While his mind wandered, so did his body, and by the time he came back to himself, the miserable baby boy was cleaned up, fed, and properly swaddled once put back to bed. He slept.
Megumi left. Agitated, aggravated. Annoyed. Confused.
And more confusing than the rest of it was that he remained right next door. He appeared to the baby again. Twice became thrice and soon it was a pattern Megumi could not break. It wasn't always a complete nightmare for the baby, but the neglect was ever present in some way. Even when they moved and got a proper home, they were still terrible parents. Sukuna— he eventually learned the little rat's name— was the epitome of a pathetic and angry animal whenever Megumi visited, but he lit up like a light bulb when the darkness approached him. How fitting. He had no excuses for sticking around, no excuses for shutting him up when he followed the menace here. There were other forms of darkness he could latch onto, he didn't need to follow a baby that was as good as dead.
A part of Megumi wished his caregivers would discover him so he'd feel validated in eating all three of them and moving on with his monster life.
Pathetic.
—
The rotten little stinker survived, even after Megumi did his damnedest to pay less attention to it. He survived and began to grow, and at some point there was the light of recognition in his eyes when Sukuna was old enough to have a bed, when Megumi slithered out from beneath to check on him. That joy beneath the rest of his sullen exterior nearly terrified Megumi— he was not here to make a connection with this boy— why was he here— and Megumi immediately hauled his ass back under the bed and diminished into flat shadow. In what universe was a child supposed to be happy to see the shadows come to life? Children were scared of the dark, haunted by the monsters that existed in them and terrified of the absence of light. This one stared into the abyss and emitted joy.
It made Megumi's stomach turn.
He should eat it.
But he wouldn't. He refused to show his face again, because…
Because.
Because he suddenly had no conviction. No, it was not sudden. This had been years. The child knew how to speak now, even if he was late in development and his words were not quite right most of the time.
Megumi knew this because it started to look for him. Late at night, Sukuna would crawl out of bed when his parents were asleep or weren't home. He would get on his hands and knees and peer under the bed, fondle in the darkness for him and talk and babble incoherently. "Where are you?" he asked, once. Small voice, full of loneliness that Megumi knew too well. He crawled back into bed as Megumi opened his eyes and green lights shone in the dark beneath his bed.
I should eat it.
Yet still he did not eat him.
It would be good for hi— it.
One night Megumi sat there beneath the bed, only the top of his head formed. Sukuna waved from his position on the floor, watching his green eyes as Megumi watched his red ones. Sukuna attempted to talk to him with broken words and sentences while he lay on the floor. Megumi's tongue felt like lead in his mouth, and he closed his eyes at the sound of heavy footfalls which approached the room, kept them closed when Sukuna's mother looked under the bed and accused Sukuna of talking to rats and yelled at him to sleep.
She had already tripped and braced herself on the door frame before Megumi realized some of his tendrils had gripped her ankle for a brief moment. She was too inebriated to notice.
The child noticed and snickered before rolling over to sleep.
—
It continued to survive. Megumi would be hard-pressed to call it thriving, but Sukuna did live and continue to grow— perhaps even more than his peers— despite being malnourished. Still neglected, and he still sought out Megumi and the crumbs of attention the shadow provided. He was not old enough to know much more than very basic math, but he was old enough to understand that if he slept right after school, he could stay up most of the night. He understood he'd have a better chance of seeing Megumi, and before Megumi realized it, the boy had fooled him into showing himself completely unguarded.
He assumed Sukuna was asleep as he stood beside the bed, until those red eyes shot open to stare at him. It nearly shocked him to the point of immediately disintegrating. Instead Megumi hissed and took several steps back. He did not owe this thing anything and yet it felt wrong to just leave. His stomach turned in knots as Sukuna sat up. "Why do you hide?"
He should have eaten him.
Unable to answer, he swiftly slid back under the bed like the creature he was and left the child's room.
Sukuna began to call for him regularly. Megumi was now "shadow thing." Affectionately.
Megumi ignored those calls. He was not a pet to be bidden; he was a monster and he should have eaten it.
He hoped that, in time, Sukuna would forget about him. That was what children did. They forgot the ghosts and spirits they saw in the dark, they forgot about the sleep paralysis demons and the monsters that should not exist in the human psyche in favor of the status quo and their sanity. And while Sukuna continued to sleep during the day, he eventually stopped calling for Megumi.
That was that, he thought.
It lasted about a year before Sukuna was on his knees again, calling for Megumi and crawling under the bed to look for him.
Shadow thing.
Friend.
Friend.
Megumi wanted to vomit up his last meal.
The child was incessant. The child continued to be incessant as he grew and grew. It was every night, sometimes early morning that he searched for Megumi in the dark. Megumi heard but refused to make himself visible blatantly again. Even when Sukuna barely fit in his bed any longer, even when he could barely fit under the bed to search for Megumi. But he knew Megumi was there, Megumi knew that. He felt it from him, just like he felt his misery and his agony and his desire to die despite his headstrong approach to his daily life.
There was that one night that Sukuna reached out his gorilla-length arms and snatched up Megumi's hair before the shadow could sink into the ground, too. Even though Megumi did not respond, Sukuna knew he was there. That provided enough comfort for the teen, as did the inky black hairs he snatched from Megumi's head. He knew the shadow was real. And so he still spoke to the shadows under the bed, knowing Megumi was there to listen about his day, listen to the struggles, listen how the stove burned him and he had to lie about it at school because it was not an accident, but a punishment. Perhaps he thought Megumi was mute. Maybe Megumi was mute.
Megumi only had the strength to ignore him, but failed to have the strength to leave. Why did he care to stay? What difference did it make if Sukuna died in his sleep when he wasn't there? What difference did his existence make? Why had he stayed with this boy for fifteen years?
Fifteen years?
Had it really been so long?
Fifteen and now trembling in the closet that he locked, hiding from the fight that was going on in the living room. He had escaped the worst of it, but Sukuna's eye was black and blue and he had favored his right side when he locked and barricaded the door to his room. He limped into the closet and locked it from the inside. He barely fit in there, too. The black miasma that emanated from him was unmistakable. Anguish. Hate. Desire to kill. Absolute darkness, the kind of stuff Megumi was made out of.
He related all too well. His life had not been the same, but perhaps it had been similar. It was difficult to remember now.
Megumi would not fit in that closet with that overgrown boy— he hardly ate, how was he larger than Megumi?— and so he slid from beneath his bed and sat within the darkness outside the slats of the closet. He knew Sukuna could see the shadows move. He spent so much time in the dark searching for Megumi, he was acclimated to it. But Sukuna did not stir until he caught sight of Megumi's eyes, red searching for green. "Shadow," he said. His voice cracked into different pitches with it, from his age and from his fear. But not fear of Megumi. With Megumi, there was relief. Safety.
Perhaps it was pity that made Megumi sit there and keep him company, pity that made him sit there until the shakes left Sukuna's body, until there was silence throughout the house save for Sukuna's breathing.
Had he really watched this shaking bull for fifteen years?
"Fushiguro," he whispered in the stillness of the room. He was unsure if any sound would actually come out. Megumi's voice was hoarse from disuse. When was the last time he actually spoke?
Sukuna carefully opened the closet, his voice soft when he answered. The deepness he was accustomed to hearing had returned, the trembling child now replaced with the surly and arrogant teen. "Is that your name?"
Megumi receded into the dark.
—
Sukuna continued to talk to him, and while Megumi wanted to believe it was a case of "whether he was there or not," Megumi was always there. When Sukuna was home and awake, Megumi was there.
"I'm not afraid of you, you know that right? I've never been afraid of the dark, and that's probably because of you. I'm not a moron. You've been here as long as I have."
"I've been here longer than you have," Megumi found himself answering without thought. As if he'd allow this child to think he created Megumi out of his own anguish. Megumi had his own hurts and his own darkness, he was not a part of Sukuna's existence. Not— not like that.
Sukuna's head appeared, upside down as he peered into the darkness under the bed. "So Fushiguro speaks more than his name, does he?" Silent again, glittering green eyes rolled. And Sukuna laughed. It was quiet— don't disturb the adults with his noise, that was one of Sukuna's rules— but it was genuine, saccharine. It made Megumi sad. He didn't deserve all this chaos, did he? "Hey, don't be sad. It's alright."
"I'm not." Hyper empathy due to trauma, of course he had that. I should have eaten him.
Sukuna stared quietly and eventually crawled out from bed to sit on the floor. He was five years old again, laying on his stomach to talk to Megumi under the bed. His pink hair fell into his face, product washed out before sleeping all afternoon and evening. His forearm was large compared to Megumi's, covered in gauze likely to cover up some injury one of his parents gave him, or a wound he suffered during a fight today. He had not spoken about his day yet. Yesterday was a decent day. "You can come out from there. Why do you hide under there like you can't?"
"I'm not hiding."
"Then come out."
"No."
"And does Fushiguro have a full name?"
"Nnn."
Another laugh, a genuine smile. His teeth looked bright in the darkness. The sound of footsteps startled Sukuna into moving deftly back into bed, swift and quiet while he moved, too adept at such movement considering his size. Still, Megumi blocked the door with his shadow even when he looked completely settled, the door handle jiggling but the door not opening. He could feel the negativity on the other side of that door and if he could do something about it once, just once, he should, shouldn't he? And maybe it was his fault, maybe they heard him talking to— what did it matter?
The father was drunk and disgruntled, said something about the door being faulty and staggered loudly to his room. Sukuna's rabbiting heart settled down, the acrid scent of his fear slowly disappearing. The shadows sank away from the door.
"Thanks."
Megumi remained silent under the bed.
—
It was a coincidence that Megumi came out from under the bed— from hiding— on Sukuna's birthday. Truly, it was; it was never celebrated, and as much as Sukuna might believe it to be so, Megumi was not there when the boy was born. The house was empty that night, his parents each at their respective weekend haunts when Sukuna returned from work. He was late that night, the bus likely late and the walk home likely slow from working a 12-hour shift at the local gym. Maybe he exercised a little too much during his break and tired himself out. Sukuna instinctively moved to turn on the light in the living room but stopped. He knew Megumi was there, and a smile curled his lips as he entered the room, squatted down beside Megumi curled up in front of the couch. "Is this a gift for me?"
Megumi tipped his head. It took him far too long to understand the meaning of that. "I won't pretend to know it's your birthday." He didn't need more lies.
Sukuna was still happy to see him and sat beside him, socked feet quiet against the floor. "Lucky me then, I hate celebrations."
Megumi sat up properly. He wasn't sure why he came out. What did he hope to accomplish by doing so? Sukuna was not a helpless child that occasionally needed his support anymore. There was no pity childcare left. Why was he here? In another year, Sukuna would be that frivolously designated age of adult, older than Megumi had been before— before. Sukuna could take care of himself. He filled a doorway easily and he was sure that he'd find his way out of this home soon enough, or at least have the strength to knock down either one of his parents when they threatened him. Megumi was unsure of how large they were; he never saw them while he was upright to compare sizes, and they generally stayed out of Sukuna's room. But there was no way Sukuna was built like a massive tank before he was an adult with two shrimp for parents. "I am unsure of why I came out."
"It's welcome, but it sure as hell is weird being able to talk to you where you'll respond."
"I won't."
"You are. "
Megumi imagined his scowl was difficult to see when he was completely shadow, but Sukuna knew it was there. He laughed, fully, because he knew the house was empty save for the two of them. It made Megumi's heart ache. He could tell Sukuna wanted to touch him, and Sukuna could tell he did not want to be touched. And so he didn't, instead going on to talk about his day while Megumi listened and nodded, even made small comments when familiar names came up. Though he did not want to be touched, he allowed some of his personal shadow to twist and contort, tentacles moving to settle beside and around him like a mockery of a hug. Pathetic of me, Megumi thought but it seemed to mean the world to Sukuna. He was warm.
It surprised Megumi over the years that Sukuna had a knack for storytelling without lying to embellish. There were embellishments, for certain— silly little exaggerations that were easy to tell were such, were only meant to enhance— but outright lies to appease or to hide something were never there when he spoke to Megumi. "You never lie to me," he said at some point. Though he still did not reach out like a human— with his hands— his tentacles stroked through Sukuna's hair while he leaned on the couch seat, his head pillowed against his forearms.
"Why should I?" he answered. "You don't lie to me. You hide but that probably comes with the territory. I hide, too."
"I eat children."
"Alright." There was no hesitation in his response. There was no way that he knew that beforehand without it being an assumption, but the ease in which he answered made Megumi's eyebrows furrow. It wasn't a lie; Sukuna simply did not care.
"I intended to eat you. You were loud and annoying and stank." I thought you were going to die.
"You should have. I wouldn't have to deal with all this shit." There was a grimness to his words and yet he was still light. In his heart, there was still joy. I have you instead, so it's okay that I'm alive. I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. I would have died without you.
Megumi was the abyss and his heart was a void. He was not allowed to have good things. He was not capable of doing good things, he was never good, and he did not have a heart that could ache. He was no one's friend, he was incapable of being a friend. He was an acquaintance of life at best, a thing that traveled as time passed and he was stagnant darkness that did not change. An insidious part of life, a monster that fed off of human life. Why was this child attached to him?
He wasn't really a child anymore, was he?
Sukuna's thumb stroked over one of his tentacles, eyes watching quietly. Perhaps he could tell he was having a crisis. Of course he could tell he was having a crisis. He hated it. No, he—
Eventually, slowly, Megumi withdrew his shadow. He was careful about it, because Sukuna did not deserve to believe he had done something wrong. "You should sleep. You're running on empty."
Sukuna moved to stand. "Alright, mom."
Anger immediately flared and Megumi snarled, instinctive. Sukuna staggered backwards even as Megumi immediately calmed down. Comparing Megumi to a mother was laughable, considering Sukuna understood what a mother was even less than Megumi did.
But it was something he had said to Tsumiki, before— hadn't he? It was hard to remember. He didn't want to.
"Oookay, no jokes. Got it." Sukuna's voice brought him back to the present, leaving the confusion of human memories behind. He was a monster, the memories didn't serve him.
"No, be yourself. It's not your fault. Just. Sleep. You'll be safe."
Sukuna smiled and somehow it still reached his eyes. Too forgiving. "Always am."
"Sukuna?"
"Hm?"
"My name is Megumi."
"Fushiguro Megumi. I like it."
"Nn." Perhaps he was glad.
—
There was no hiding after that. Megumi was out and about in Sukuna's room when he came home from school, was still there when he woke up in the night. The first time Sukuna entered his room in the afternoon, he was startled to see Megumi there, sitting on his lopsided wardrobe in the shadowed parts of the room. Startled but overjoyed. He was almost too excited to sleep, greedy for the attention that Megumi provided. And he did provide it, willingly and with much less denial. He became an active participant in this thing, this friendship that they had.
Megumi was beginning to learn that he was Sukuna's only real friend. Whether Sukuna was pushing others away, whether he was completely misunderstood and shunned for being different and dark, it didn't matter much. It was with him that Sukuna could talk freely, could drop the facade of being the absolute tough guy that held no emotions save for aggression and apathy. Those emotions were there, but he was always so much more than that; whether he verbally expressed them to Megumi or not, Megumi knew what he was feeling. Sukuna was not alone in that hyper empathy, and with being what he was, Megumi could taste and feel the emotions that Sukuna emitted. He could not hide from Megumi, same as Megumi could not hide from him.
"Fushiguro," he called his name out of the blue one night. Megumi had been there a while already, sitting beside him while he managed to do some of his homework. Sukuna was a delinquent but not completely, if only because Megumi didn't like it if he didn't at least try to get an education.
"Nn?"
"How did you get like this?"
The question confused Megumi, and his head tipped slightly. "I don't understand."
"I'm not a moron. You were completely human once, right? Or like me in appearance, at least. I can tell you're human-shaped under all that shadow." Megumi blinked, still confused and perhaps uncomfortable, and Sukuna blinked as he looked down at Megumi. Sukuna was becoming uncomfortable as Megumi did not respond. His voice was full of concern. "What? What is it?"
"I… I didn't know you could see that."
"Am I not supposed to?"
"I don't know. I am not often in view of people, but when I am, I'm pretty sure they only see the shadow. The tentacles, the glowing eyes. They don't see me, even the children who would be more capable of it. I— have you always seen me?" The idea of that terrified Megumi. Because Megumi was a monster, he was not human. He was not a person, Sukuna couldn't see him like that, shouldn't see him like that. Relating to Megumi anymore than he already did would only be harmful.
"I'm not sure. I don't think so. Maybe as I got older?" He paused for a moment, and Megumi remained quiet. "I remember this one time where I was alone and too small to feed myself. Or I couldn't figure out how to use a can opener, something like that, and I went to curl up in bed. Whatever the hell it was, you opened it, heated it up and all that. You got me out of bed and gave me the food. I don't remember seeing you as a person surrounded in darkness then. You were the friendly monster under the bed. You still are, really, just— why are you panicking?"
"I'm not." He was. His tongue felt like lead in his mouth, a familiar feeling that he thought was beginning to go away. He did not want to be seen. Sukuna shouldn't see him as anything more than the monster he was. What was he thinking? Why was he staying here? Why had he stayed so long?
The spiral of Megumi's thoughts halted like a derailed train. Sukuna's giant hands took Megumi's in his own and held them tightly. Megumi's tentacles immediately gripped Sukuna's arms and wrists, held them tightly. But he didn't toss Sukuna across the room like he could have. He didn't even hurt him when he held tightly to him, simply held on and held still as a statue, glowing green eyes disappearing in darkness each time he blinked. Sukuna's voice was calm and measured. Seeking to soothe a wild animal. "The fact that I can see you doesn't change anything." His thumbs stroked the back of Megumi's hands, and Megumi's eyes darted between the touch and Sukuna's eyes. Don't leave.
"I… I should go eat." He did not need to, but he felt like he couldn't think. Don't look at me.
"Do you think you can switch to the blood of virgins instead of children?" A joke, an attempt to calm him down, and perhaps himself, too. Don't leave me behind.
It took Megumi a moment to understand what Sukuna meant. He looked down at his own hands wrapped in his and laughed, a quiet sound as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to their hands. Now, if Sukuna was the only other being on earth, Megumi would only devour him to spare him the suffering of being alone. "I couldn't harm you when I didn't know you at all. What makes you think I could do that now?" Though Megumi melted away, Sukuna was left smiling.
And he did return after some time, at the very least taking the time to find his next meal a distance away. There would always be a part of him that believed he was selfish, remaining with Sukuna this long. But he couldn't get himself to leave him behind. As much as Sukuna was afraid of being abandoned, so was Megumi.
How pathetic. He spent many years alone, he could do it again. Couldn't he?
"I'm not human, so you shouldn't think of me that way," Megumi said once he returned. He remained under the bed. The overhead light was on in the room while Sukuna went through his clothes. He could be out in the light, but he did not want to.
"It's okay if you used to be. You look like you should be about my age." Sukuna pulled on a henley. One wrong flex and it looked like it would tear around his arms and chest while it remained loose around his waist.
Megumi was not watching.
"You look like two grown adults in one body." Sukuna looked like he could wrestle a brown bear and win.
Sukuna laughed freely; the parents were not home, both at work. "Maybe you're just scrawny, ever thought of that?" Tentacles slid out from under the bed to wrap around Sukuna and lift him into the air before he could think of how to move out of the way. He had half a mind to toss him out the window, toss the sound of his joy and laughter out there too. Instead he tossed him onto the bed and huffed, allowed his tentacles to shut off the lights before retracting them. Sukuna's giant hand was in his hair before he saw his smug smile, upside down as he leaned over the edge of the bed. "Scrawny or not, you're strong. Don't worry about it."
He wouldn't.
—
One night, Sukuna was restless when he came home. Megumi could taste it in the air before he returned to his room, could see it on him as soon as the door opened. "What is it?" Megumi wasn't alarmed, but he didn't like it when Sukuna was unwell, emotionally or otherwise. He was doing quite well lately, and so anything that made Sukuna restless would make him restless, too.
"Megumi," he said softly, ducking into the room. His eyes softened in the dark, though his heart was still pounding more than usual. It wasn't the heat of summer. He still felt off and Megumi didn't like it. Megumi rose from his seat on the bed and floated over in shadow to stand beside Sukuna. His shadowed hand rubbed his forearm as he looked up at Sukuna. "Maki owns the gym."
Megumi twitched slightly, swallowed involuntarily. He hadn't realized he was anywhere close to home, or anywhere his old life would come to haunt him more than it already did. Was he home? More things that he had just forgotten and had intended to keep that way. "… Okay?"
Sukuna's face contorted slightly, somewhere between a snarl and a grimace. But he wouldn't, because Megumi hadn't lied to him. He couldn't. Megumi hoped he would leave it at that but he knew better; he could feel it. "She has a thirty year old missing person's poster in her desk." He didn't need Sukuna to elaborate further.
"Oh. That's sentimental." Had he really been gone for so long? Or so short of a time, really. He felt like he had been roaming for an eternity, just to consume and fill himself with more darkness. He began to wonder if he could kill himself again if he just didn't eat.
"Really? That's all you've got?" Sukuna's hand gripped Megumi's bicep, fingers easily wrapping around the entirety of his arm. He never realized how strong Sukuna's grip was, how strong his hands were now. He stared at Sukuna's hand.
"Yes." Sukuna didn't budge. Megumi sighed and turned his head up towards Sukuna again. "What do you want from me, Sukuna?"
"Something. Anything. I want to know you, like you know me."
"You do; you know me as well as I know myself, and you keep making me remember things I don't want to." Like liquid, he slipped through Sukuna's fingers, and he was once again flat shadow along the floorboards, nothing but darkness under the bed. He heard Sukuna sigh and heard him pace, but Megumi did not budge. The parts of him that wanted to leave could not. The parts of him that wanted to wrap himself around Sukuna could not. The parts of him that wanted to squeeze the life out of him for caring this much could not.
And perhaps it was unfair that Sukuna did not know his history; perhaps it was unfair that Megumi knew almost the entirety of Sukuna's life save for his birth and he could offer Sukuna nothing, because remembering it all would hurt too much. Perhaps Megumi was selfish. Megumi was selfish, he knew this since the beginning of time. His existence was selfish, because he provided nothing— not now and not then, either.
Sukuna remained unsettled. It was the dead of night and he left the house to go for a run. That Megumi followed to assuage some guilt was terribly pathetic of him but he did it anyway to ensure Sukuna was safe. Because that was all he cared about now, wasn't it? His safety and his prosperity while Megumi's terribleness and ineptitude remained in the dark where it belonged. He was the monster, after all, and Sukuna was the human giant that had a full life to look forward to. Because Megumi was incapable of eating him when he saw him.
When Sukuna returned home, Megumi slipped through the cracks of the window to his room. There was no need to hide that he came along; Sukuna knew he was there. Was there ever a time that Sukuna didn't know he was there? Sukuna acknowledged him with a glance and stripped down without a shred of modesty before exiting the room. And Megumi sat put, because he was a monster but he was not a creep. Was he a creep? Perhaps he was a creep, but he wasn't a peeping tom. He quickly tidied up the room before sinking back beneath the bed. It was unnecessary; Sukuna rarely left a mess anywhere he went, hyper fixated on hiding his existence as much as Megumi. He would have cleaned up the clothes when he returned.
And he paced around the room suspiciously when he returned, took his time in getting dressed. He sat in bed, and Megumi expected him to sleep and hide, not slip from the bed and slide partway under it to find him. But Sukuna was more than he was, he knew that. "Sorry. You don't have to hide down here. I'll stop prying."
Megumi could see the glow of his eyes shining against Sukuna's face. It made his eyes look sinister, made him look a little monstrous in the dark down here with him. "You are reasonable. I'm sorry that I have nothing to offer you." Sukuna reached out to touch him, to grab for his hair like he once did before. And his hand passed right through as if he were nothing but shadow, as it should have always been. He was shadow and darkness, and light would wash him out to nothing. Megumi could not join him in the light.
Sukuna looked startled, and his eyes softened with sadness. He climbed back into bed.
As much as Megumi wanted to follow, he did not.
—
Silence.
Deafening silence.
Megumi was a coward, and Sukuna's silence would drive him mad. He would have never thought that Sukuna could shut up for days while feeling so…
Megumi didn't know how to describe it. Lost? Disconnected?
It hurt.
Was he hurting or was Sukuna?
And it was stupid, he knew that. All he had to do was crawl out from under this bed and apologize for— for what? Being a monster? Existing? The frustration of it made him lift the bed one day and he nearly threw it through the walls of the house. The only thing that stopped him was the fact Sukuna's parents would believe it was him.
He would leave soon, Megumi remembered that. A year was soon in the grand scheme of things. He would be nineteen and would finish his secondary education, and would work like hell to get away from the hell he was spawned from. Would Megumi go along with him?
Would Sukuna want him to?
That he may not was enough to make Megumi move and do something, not remain as impassable darkness beneath the bed. He expected Sukuna to say hurtful things, or to ask if he was done throwing a childish tantrum. He expected Sukuna to act in ways that he should know, without a doubt, that he would not and yet he still did. Because even after all this time, that was what he expected from people.
When Sukuna returned, it was difficult to make his way out. But as it always was between them, he knew Megumi was in that troublesome place between panicking and fleeing. He heard Sukuna sit on the floor, saw his feet in the distance; he was sitting with his back against the door. "Come out," he said. Soft. A place between sad and wanting. And though Megumi would forever stand by the fact he was not something to be called upon like a pet, he moved. He was a flat mass of shadow that moved like sludge along the floorboards as he left his solitude beneath the bed that was still too small to hold Sukuna comfortably. He could have gotten a futon a long time ago, but he kept the bed for Megumi's sake. It would only be marginally better, Sukuna had said then.
Though he came out, he remained as he was. Flat and lifeless, mistakable for the normal darkness of the room to the untrained eye save for the glowing green. His eyes were flat too, like green lights glued to the floor. He blinked and attempted to get himself together. Why was he like this?
Because vulnerability was as terrifying as being left alone again. What else could it be?
What was likely no more than a few minutes felt like hours. Eventually, he moved again, moved to form a mass of tentacled limbs and wrap himself around Sukuna like it was the most normal thing to do. By now, it probably should have been. From neck to ankle, his shadow solidified and tangled with Sukuna's limbs, held him tightly while Megumi rubbed his face against his shoulder and throat. And Sukuna embraced it, allowed himself to be wrapped up in Megumi and held onto him as much as he could— he didn't know where to put his hands and that was okay, because everywhere was Megumi anyway. "You offered me eighteen years of life, I don't need anything else from you. Not to be a human, not to be a monster. Just be."
Megumi ran his fingers through Sukuna's hair, smiled softly when a shiver tangibly ran through his body. "Maybe one day." Because it wasn't about need in this case. It was a want, a desire for a deeper connection that Megumi couldn't take a step back in order to give the way Sukuna wanted. In reality, it wasn't necessary. The past was haunting and damning, and it held no power here. "Think of me as you, and go from there."
They stayed like that for a while, until Sukuna's butt went numb and until his legs fell asleep. Megumi laughed quietly as he tried to rise to his feet, like a colt on wobbly stick legs. Like a floating mass, Megumi unraveled and he lifted Sukuna up and into bed to lay on his stomach. Megumi laid beside him and eyed the bed, taking up as little room as possible. "You should get the futons," he murmured. And he insisted until Sukuna trudged to the store one afternoon and committed to it. Megumi didn't want to hide under his bed anymore.
—
Sukuna's graduation was met with little fanfare. It was what he wanted, and so Megumi didn't make a deal out of it. Sukuna's parents weren't expected around for the day and things almost felt right in the world. The blinds were closed, the window open to allow in the cool, early morning breeze; the house was quiet. Megumi laid with Sukuna, tentacles wrapped up in his limbs as he was held close. It had quickly become a habit to lay down and remain cuddled with Sukuna, as if it were the most natural thing in the world despite the fact it made Megumi antsy. It made him want to hide again every time, even if he found Sukuna's touch and warmth grounding. And it was nothing more than that. It was simple touch. He had not kissed Sukuna; Sukuna did not kiss him. He wanted to, but he didn't. Perhaps Megumi was unreadable, perhaps Sukuna did not want to give Megumi a reason to leave. That logic— that Megumi might leave from something as simple as a kiss— was something that Megumi deserved. He was the one running away like a frightened animal all the time.
Some monster he was.
The reality was that he was probably too antsy to even be kissed; if Sukuna tried, he'd likely find a tentacle in his face before his lips were close enough. It would be giving him too much credit to believe Sukuna guessed that, but Megumi gave him the credit anyway. And what was stopping Megumi from crossing that tiny, little bridge? There was a fear of turning whatever this friendship was in which Sukuna held him into something else that could not work. As if things weren't already different, as if things weren't already strange from the beginning. As if they weren't already suspended in some sort of limbo in which Megumi told himself he would be satisfied as long as he could follow along behind Sukuna. As if that wasn't the same thing Sukuna had believed for the last few years too, if not longer.
Megumi left his fingers in Sukuna's hair when one of his shadowy appendages cradled Sukuna's jaw to turn his head. He looked sleepy and content. He felt and smelled of peace and mellow contentment. His face was soft, hair disheveled as Megumi's shadowed hands continued to run through it. Megumi felt like he would be disturbing that peace, but it wouldn't last. It was okay. It was some of the slowest movement of his life, leaning in to press a short and soft kiss to Sukuna's lips. Megumi was never shy in this life nor the one before— detached and aloof but never shy, even when he hid— and this was perhaps the closest to shy he had ever felt. He did not have a heart to beat uncontrollably, but he did feel himself tremble slightly. He kept his eyes closed, didn't want to see. He felt Sukuna's arms tighten around him, felt his nose briefly pressed against his cheek. Sukuna's mouth sought his to kiss again and again, each one short and unskilled— Megumi was no better— each one a little more intense than the one before it. His lips were curled with a smile and soon straightened with focus and intensity. Megumi allowed it, carefully returned the kisses when he was given the chance to. It felt odd to use his mouth to do anything more than talk and eat. His tongue felt out of place when he slowly traced the tip along Sukuna's bottom lip, and felt even stranger once his tongue was in Sukuna's mouth, to tangle with his and to be gently sucked.
Once it began to feel more like he was being devoured than kissed, Megumi gently pulled back and smiled when Sukuna followed. "Slow down, I'm not going anywhere." Sukuna's roaming hands clung to him like he could keep him from melting away if Megumi wanted to. He didn't. He was pleasantly surprised that Sukuna was able to find the more solid parts of him among all of his squishy, dark tentacles. Not only because he managed to do it, but because Megumi allowed him to without thinking about it.
"I want all of you," Sukuna said, his face pressed against Megumi's throat.
"You have all of— oh." One of Sukuna's hands gripped his waist and slowly slid over his hip, slowly slid over the small of his back and bottom. "Oh." It wasn't as if Megumi hadn't thought about it. He had— quite often, in fact— ever since Sukuna had offered his blood to him. Up until fairly recently, Megumi's only form of sexual release was obtained from finding random men alone in bed and taking advantage of them in their sleep. There was no intimacy to it. They were probably traumatized, at least the ones that woke up to find a massive shadow sitting on their dicks and keeping them paralyzed, but he never cared. Perhaps he should have, but he had experienced worse.
And in Sukuna's case, he had no experience. Megumi would like to believe that he did not know, but he did. He didn't have to stalk Sukuna all over the place to know. He never smelled of anyone, there was never anyone of actual interest in Sukuna's stories since he began secondary school. Sukuna's love interest was his left hand in the shower. Or Megumi, apparently, and the shadow had been too moronic to acknowledge that years ago. Rather he had, but he was terrified of it.
"Is that a no?" Sukuna's lips were moist against his throat, and the entirety of Megumi's body trembled from the touch. He could see the tips of his tentacles shiver in the dark, and he almost wanted to laugh at himself. Sukuna's hands were soothing against his back, and it reminded Megumi that he really just… technically walked around naked all the time. It was more complicated than that, but that was the truth of the matter. This was a form he took, something that was still comfortable despite seeing himself as nothing more than a monster. He didn't need clothes; it wasn't like he formed genitals on his body most of the time.
"… Why?" The word left his mouth without him meaning to.
"Are you serious?"
"No. Ugh, yes. I mean. It was meant to stay in my head. I'm not going to question why you want to fuck an impermanent mass of shadow." Sukuna laughed, deep and heavy. It vibrated through him and through Megumi. "What?"
"You're a giant asshole for being so small, you know that?"
As much as Megumi wanted to fret, his chest felt warm. "I'm not small," he answered. Sukuna tugged him flush against his body, and Megumi's tentacles pulled away. It was brief, the mass reforming to be slimmer, to slip slowly over Sukuna's back and sides, to tug at his sleep pants.
Sukuna's lips found his again just as his hands squeezed around his waist, thumbs nearly touching. Megumi was having a hard time seeing himself as something that could be touched pleasantly like this, the give and take of it. He was used to take. Take, take, and take without any reciprocation. But it felt good to be held, and it felt good to be squeezed and touched without lashing out. It felt good to be arranged this way, human parts and tentacles and all.
Sukuna's thumbs pressed down on Megumi's abdomen and he moaned softly, shadowed tentacles wrapping around the oversized oaf to roll them over carefully. Sukuna was always very agile for his size, so Megumi wasn't worried about him teetering over. Megumi genuinely felt dwarfed beneath him. "Yeah, say that to my hands." His voice was soft and endearing, his arms moving to keep himself raised over Megumi. He was oddly comfortable with the tentacles stripping him down, oddly comfortable with them roaming over his back and chest, with them circling his thighs and kneading his flesh while his lips and teeth roamed Megumi's neck and chest. And he stopped suddenly, sitting up and on his calves. The absence of his heat made Megumi shiver. "Is this how you want to be?"
Megumi squinted, tentacles easily tugging Sukuna right back down over him. One mass of tendrils moved to wrap around his erection and stroked slowly, dripping with unidentifiable slick. So much precaution. "If you mean on my back and the bottom, then yes."
"I mean form." Sukuna's hand slid between Megumi's thighs, and over the smooth surface past his abdomen, and further back between his cheeks. He fought to keep his own hips still, cock twitching while surrounded in wet shadow. Megumi wondered how it felt to him. "I get that you're permeable when you want to be and all that but, uh." He paused. "Did you want me to make my own hole?"
Megumi looked down between them, blinking rapidly. He was suddenly glad that he did not have flesh to redden because he felt like an idiot. "Shut up, it's been a while." It was tempting to form something monstrous and unsettling just to tease Sukuna, but the likelihood that he'd be alarmed was slim. His hand moved to grip Sukuna's wrist— Megumi's hand was so small compared to it— and slowly slid it back up to the newly formed folds. Sukuna peered down between them, watched as the shadows seemed to melt around his fingers. Watched as Megumi's back arched and he writhed against him. He kept his fingers wrapped around Sukuna's wrist while he fingered him open. The sensation was foreign to Megumi, Sukuna's fingers much longer and much wider than his own, and it felt like parts of him were melting to slick the slide inside of him. But it was good, and he exhaled loudly, limbs tightening around Sukuna.
He kept his tentacle around Sukuna's length loose, stroking slowly so as to not set him off too quickly, but Megumi did not expect him to last long either way. His hand remained latched onto Sukuna's wrist until he was stretched wide on three fingers, and he reached up with both hands to tug Sukuna closer by the nape of his neck. "Put your hips into it, and don't expect to last long," he murmured against his lips, and the smile he received in return made Megumi's eyebrows draw together.
"Sure," Sukuna muttered against his lips. His entry was slow, allowing Megumi's shadows to guide him versus his own hand.
The stretch was demonic and Megumi swore under his breath repeatedly. There was nothing on Sukuna that was small or normal in size and it was almost aggravating. Almost. Because Megumi couldn't truly complain when all his senses were tingling and he was already rocking his hips and craving more. He left his arms wrapped around Sukuna's shoulders and clung to him, moaned loudly in his ear as Sukuna fucked into him with rapid snaps of his hips. He never pulled out far, remained deep inside of Megumi and it felt like he was molding Megumi to his shape; Megumi was melting around his cock and even his tentacles felt like they couldn't quite keep form, slick and dripping over Sukuna's body. "More," he purred. He licked into Sukuna's mouth, gobbling up his panting breaths and his moans with lust and moans that mirrored his.
And Sukuna was lasting longer than Megumi expected. He didn't expect this much pleasure, even if he expected him to listen to direction. Perhaps it was the added intimacy, that Sukuna held him close and tightly while he fucked into him with abandon. Megumi's orgasm felt different from the ones he normally chased. His tentacles writhed and split and dripped over both of them even as they clung to Sukuna. There was no difficulty in holding his form despite feeling like he was melting beneath Sukuna, melting around him and cumming around his cock. The tightness quickly sent Sukuna spiraling before Megumi's orgasm finished, his release only making him attempt to get deeper into Megumi, shortened thrusts of his hips as his cum joined the silken mess of Megumi's insides.
Megumi felt like a mess; he half wondered if his eyes were still placed correctly in his head, blinking rapidly. And really, he was a mess. He had made a mess. It was odd to see; pieces of himself, scattered all over the bedding and dripping off of Sukuna. Almost fractured, parts of his shadow swiveled and floated in the air, other parts sat in the bedding like thick liquid, and others hovered like smoke close to the floor. It was something he hadn't done before, and he couldn't think of any profound reasoning then. He was too winded to think, pussy pleasantly sore and there was a special warmth in his abdomen from being filled with Sukuna's spend, still filled with his hardness.
That Sukuna laughed softly above him made him wonder again if his eyes were crooked. "What?"
"Nothing," Sukuna said and kissed him again, several times in a row. He reeked of joy and contentment and warmth and sweat, and never in a million years did Megumi believe he wouldn't be disgusted by it. "Okay, one thing. What the fuck is all this we're laying around in and how am I cleaning it up?"
Megumi groaned and gently shoved him with his hands. Sukuna didn't budge. "Shut up, I'll clean it up."
—
Watching Sukuna grow as a person— as an adult— was equal parts fascinating and anxiety-inducing. Because even though he mostly took care of himself as a teenager, there were still real world things that he did not really experience. Things that Megumi didn't get to experience, either. And considering how great Megumi's urge to protect Sukuna was, being unable to do that was a special kind of hell. Once Sukuna left his parents' home, Megumi felt on higher alert, if only because he knew abusers liked to keep track of what they abused.
Being a full time student and working a full time job left Sukuna a tired mess. Whether it was day time or night time where he caught some time to sleep, Megumi wrapped close around him as if one of them would die if he didn't. Sukuna appreciated it, said it and felt it when he held Megumi tightly. "I've always been grateful for all of you, but even more so now. Hard to feel lost in so many appendages." And if it made Megumi vibrate all over and his tendrils shiver with happiness, he'd accept that because it wasn't often that he was helpful anymore. And he understood that he did not need to be useful, that he did not need to offer Sukuna anything but himself, but it would always be an insecurity he had.
And maybe Megumi had gotten too used to having the majority of Sukuna's attention. He did not enjoy the fact that Sukuna had a roommate, but there was nothing wrong with Yuji. He was actually nicer than Sukuna was to Megumi, which was probably a bit spineless but it worked. And it was nice to hear Sukuna interact with other people. Kind people. People that he could go out and do things with. People that were human like him, and not a monster that lingered in the dark.
He needed to get a grip.
Sukuna belonged with humans, after all. Even if he looked like the spawn of a giant, he was still human. Megumi's existence was an amalgamation of pain and suffering, and it wouldn't do Sukuna much good to be dependent on him. It wasn't doing Megumi any good being dependent on Sukuna. Clearly, if he was becoming obsessed with the amount of time he spent with Yuji, and the subtle chemistry between the two of them. One-sided affection that made Megumi want to slip into his room and—
Let it go.
Megumi really needed to get a grip.
Instead, he took a firm grip on Sukuna that same night, nearly startling him when he returned to his room. "What's wrong?" His voice was a hushed whisper as he picked up Megumi, laced with concern. It wouldn't take much for Sukuna to know something was up with Megumi, even if he hadn't latched onto him.
Shadow a hazy mass extending from his back, Megumi wrapped his legs around Sukuna's thick waist and his arms over his shoulders, fingers laced through his hair. "I want to feel all of you," he said, pressing frantic kisses along his jaw and cheeks, onto his lips. "Deep. Deep and hard."
And it was no surprise that it short-circuited something in Sukuna's brain. It was no surprise that they were loud, Megumi's cries for more accompanied by Sukuna's demands that he beg. Sukuna's groans of Megumi being his heightened by Megumi's moans of Sukuna being perfect and the sound of the headboard banging relentlessly into the wall. And it was no surprise that, after Megumi got off his knees and reformed, and after they both laid down in bed, Sukuna still asked what was wrong, despite the swelling of relief in Megumi's chest. "I'm enthralled," was all he answered, snuggling into Sukuna with all his shadow wrapped around him. It made Sukuna's heart sputter as he held Megumi tight, but he rested contently.
"Dude, who did you sneak in here last night?" Yuji's voice in the kitchen was clear as day to Megumi, as always. He had a nice voice. "I didn't think you even liked anyone enough to touch them. You give everyone the stink eye that so much as glances at you." There was nothing wrong with Yuji, Megumi was just a selfish monster.
"What?" Sukuna sounded genuinely confused. Megumi could imagine the look on his face, too. Cute.
"Did you forget you had loud, marathon sex last night like a cat in heat?"
Something clattered loudly in the sink, and Megumi could smell Sukuna's embarrassment from where he remained in Sukuna's room. "I'm… incredibly sorry."
Yuji laughed, a pleasant sound that Megumi wanted to strangle out of him just a little bit. It would get easier, he told himself. "It's okay, it's the weekend. No harm, no foul. Did they sneak out? And can I meet them? I know I've only known you a few months but you're alone all the time so it's surprising."
"He's… shy."
Megumi was not shy. He flattened and slid under the bed, and remained there even as Sukuna returned. He allowed his head to form and peek out from the shadow, his eyes showing as Sukuna got down on the floor, laying down flat to see under the bed. "We were… Really loud yesterday."
"Nn." They blinked at each other several times. Megumi could feel a bit of shame burgeoning in himself.
Sukuna raised an eyebrow. He was not an idiot, and he quickly put two and two together. "Are you serious?" Megumi did not answer, and he could feel his cheeks rounding with air he did not need to breathe. The subtle sound of the front door closing echoed in his ears. "Fushiguro Megumi, get out from there."
Megumi physically moved backwards and made a sputtering noise, aghast. He had no intention of moving, but Sukuna's hand easily threaded through his hair and pulled him out. His touch was gentle and he didn't lift his shadow from the ground while he sat up, but it still made Megumi feel like a scruffed cat. "What?"
"You had me fuck you like an animal because you're jealous of a guy I tolerate so the rent is cheaper. Am I getting that right?"
"No." Yes.
Sukuna smiled and shook his head. His fingers stroked through Megumi's hair until he rose from his mostly flattened state and sat cross legged with Sukuna. "Would you feel better if you met him?"
"That… sounds like a very bad idea."
"He used to be part of an occult club and swears he's seen ghosts and spirits and shit like that. I think he'll be fine."
Megumi shuffled over a bit closer and Sukuna pulled him into his arms. "I'll… think about it. Sorry."
"I wouldn't trade you for the world, Megumi."
—
It was a few days before Megumi gave in. There was nothing wrong with Yuji, he had to keep reminding himself, but the obsessive part of him, the part of him that wanted to keep Sukuna all to himself, wouldn't let go. But he'd do it. He'd manage and perhaps he'd feel better once he either freaked the man out or he was fine with Megumi's existence.
Megumi remained settled under the couch, making himself small to fit. He didn't like it. He couldn't really see from beneath the dingy little thing, but it wasn't for long. He was surprised it held Sukuna's weight, honestly. Hearing the front door open and close, Megumi shuddered a bit and made sure he was hidden under the couch. "You'll be fine," he heard Sukuna above him. He felt confident and a little excited. It was a rare sensation, the excitement. But it relaxed the nerves that Megumi hadn't realized he was feeling. Sukuna really wanted to show him off. Huh.
Yuji's feet padded into the living room, even from what little of his feet Megumi could see, the excited energy vibrated off of him like a halo of pink chalk dust. He wondered if Sukuna could see it, too. "Where is he? I heard you talking."
"Calm down. Sit." They were the same age, but it was always interesting to hear the differences in their speech, in their tones, in the cadence of their voices. Sukuna generally did sound like he barely tolerated Yuji, like an older brother would.
Perhaps Megumi was beginning to relax.
The couch bounced slightly under Yuji's weight, and settled again once Sukuna sat. "So, he's not shy."
"Don't try to tell me he's not here, I heard—"
"Yuji."
"Sorry."
"He's not human."
The silence that followed was brief. "Alright, so where is he? Is he huge?" Yuji was on his feet again, and Megumi was actually having a hard time fighting the laugh that was burgeoning in his body. He heard the doors in the apartment open and close repeatedly as Yuji looked from room to room, and Sukuna let out the loudest, exasperated sigh Megumi had ever heard in his life. "I don't see any ghosts or anything. Oh, is he in the walls?"
"Megumi." He could feel Sukuna rolling his eyes from beneath the couch and he managed to refrain from laughing still. Slowly, the shadows rolled out from beneath the couch and formed into an indistinct mass beside it. Inadvertently, he was between Sukuna and Yuji, Yuji taking a step back from Megumi's floating form.
It was the first time Megumi actually saw Yuji, and he was larger than he imagined. He was larger than Megumi when he was human. Perhaps Megumi was scrawny then. And he looked a lot like Sukuna in some ways. It was a little unsettling. Definitely a lot smaller, thankfully. "Hello," Megumi muttered. He was certain Yuji likely couldn't make out his form, but Sukuna still could. He easily took Megumi's hand in his, and Megumi turned his head towards him briefly.
"Holy shit," Yuji said, taking a step forward again. He was vibrating again. "Wow. Hey, I'm Yuji." He was quiet for a second. "Uh, are you always hiding under there?"
"No. I stay in Sukuna's room."
"Cool, now you don't have to. I hope you don't mind American sit-coms, though." Yuji meandered back to the couch to sit down and turned on the TV. He was still long enough for Sukuna to tug the shadow into his lap, and he was up and moving again. "It's my turn to cook dinner, oops." He somehow managed to make walking out look like it was a speedy, whirlwind ordeal as he left.
Megumi tipped his head in slight confusion. "You let him cook?" He allowed his body to relax, appendages wrapping around Sukuna as he settled down. He would be surprised if it wasn't a disaster waiting to happen.
"He's not as good as I am but he's good enough as a home cook. I can teach him a few things, too."
"Look at that, you already sound like the head chef."
"Embody who you want to be and never break character, or something like that." He nuzzled Megumi's cheek gently, held him just a bit tighter.
—
It was odd, sitting around with Yuji without Sukuna. Not because Yuji was annoying, but because he was oddly wholesome and seemed to want Megumi's approval beyond just tolerating him. "Why is it important that I like you?"
"Huh?" A shrimp chip hung from his lips and he immediately chewed. He felt a bit disgruntled, as if being called out on it made him uncomfortable.
"I can't imagine you wanting to know me so well is anything more than that. You want me to like you. You could treat me like a quiet roommate and you could choose not to interact with me, but you don't." If Megumi wasn't out and about when Yuji came home, after a while he went out to search for the shadow. And Yuji did not feel lonely after a long day working in food service. Megumi didn't understand.
"I'm curious as to who you are. You and Sukuna both are kind of… mysterious? And Sukuna pretty much hates everyone so it's amazing to see someone he is enthralled by. He literally changes at the sight of you, like a switch gets flipped and now we have Megumi's Sukuna instead of everyone else's Sukuna. Figures you're not like. A normal human. But he's a good guy, it was surprising to see him interact with people once I met him."
Megumi nodded. He wouldn't argue that, and he certainly wouldn't acknowledge how it made him feel. Megumi's Sukuna. "Where's your family?"
"Well. My grandpa died when I was about fifteen and then my mother came out of the woodwork. I guess social services found her. But she's kind of a dick, so I did my best to find a way out. I explained it to Sukuna and he didn't mind if I didn't pay half the rent as long as I paid something and didn't eat everything."
Megumi squinted. Yuji was getting nervous, balancing being cagey with being open. It was easily recognizable.
"Shit, do you mind that? I swear I'm not trying to take advantage—"
As if Megumi cared about money issues. Sukuna could handle that on his own. "How is she a dick?"
Yuji was quiet and pursed his lips. His hesitation was brief. He lifted his t-shirt and turned to show Megumi his back. Scars from cigarettes and what could be blades or lashes from switches. Some that could be gouges from nails, deep enough to look like claws. "It's been a while and I'm fine, just better safe than sorry. She's small and knows how to talk to people so if I accidentally attacked her…" He pulled his shirt back on.
For a moment, Megumi felt terrible but he understood. Because Sukuna understood too and it made more sense now. "I'm sorry for judging you."
There was confusion in Yuji's aura, mixed with a heavy wash of relief. He looked ready to cry, but he nodded with great vigor instead. "Misunderstandings happen. And hey, you could have killed me or something so seems like no harm, no foul!"
Megumi shrugged his shoulders, but otherwise didn't comment. He didn't need to know that murder had been on Megumi's mind in the beginning.
"Besides," Yuji continued, "don't you get lonely?"
Megumi wanted to say no. He believed that to be true. Instead, he said, "I'm used to it."
Sadness. Despite it, Yuji smiled and tossed Megumi the TV remote. "Time to get unused to it. And pick a movie or two, you must be tired of the shit I pick all the time."
—
Megumi was almost like an invisible cheerleader as the two got their lives together. Invisible in the sense that he remained in the home but was ever-present in their lives there. It was almost relieving to watch their lives come together. To watch Sukuna eventually warm up to Yuji more, and to do the same himself. To watch them struggle with school, watch Yuji fret about exams because he wasn't used to struggling, and watch Sukuna's calm about his struggles because he was always used to struggling. "Just makes the end result more worth it," he told Yuji. It didn't help him one bit but he still kept up with his work. Megumi was no help in most of this, but sometimes a small factoid from something he read would pop up and he could offer some help.
He was there as they got their lives together, there as they graduated and got proper jobs with their degrees. There was an irony in that they nearly swapped jobs, Yuji working at Maki's gym as a personal trainer while he continued to pursue physical therapy. Sukuna hopped from restaurant to restaurant to restaurant while learning and finding his preferred niche.
He was there when they separated, leaving that apartment behind to each get their own. At first, Yuji cried about it but it was better for both of them. But Yuji still came around so often, it was nearly like he might as well have still lived with Sukuna and Megumi. He even brought over prospective partners for their opinions, which were often a resounding no; one thing Yuji learned to trust over the years was how well both Megumi and Sukuna read people, even on a first encounter. Even though he complained and said they were too harsh, he listened. There were few people that wanted the best for him in his life, after all.
Years passed and it was satisfying. He was content in a way that felt secure and safe, and so was Sukuna. Sure, there were times that one of them would get bent out of shape over a misunderstanding. There were times Megumi was disgruntled because Sukuna spent too much time with work and not enough with him— silly, but the moods came. But there was nothing world-shifting. It was odd, and he kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. For something bad to happen to Sukuna or to Yuji. For one of Sukuna's parents to show up, or one of their mistakes to show up. But there was nothing. And there continued to be nothing. Life was good.
—
"How did you…" Sukuna stopped mid-sentence, eyebrows drawn together. Megumi remained curled against his chest looking up at Sukuna when he didn't continue. It was something like embarrassment for whatever it was on his mind. But curiosity was heavier.
"Go on."
"I have a hard time believing you were abstinent this long."
Megumi smiled, shaking his head as he nuzzled Sukuna's chest. "I wasn't. I occasionally had urges but it was rare. I was not interested in people. I'm still not, just you."
"How?"
Megumi shifted a bit. He wasn't proud of it but he wouldn't hide it from Sukuna. That was something he told himself a long time ago, no lies. "I… Found someone who was asleep and alone. Pinned them down and used them."
"I'm surprised they didn't wake up." As always, there was no judgment from him. Sometimes it worried Megumi how little Sukuna was bothered by anything he had done or was doing. Never enough to question him about it, not again.
"Sometimes they did, but they probably thought I was some kind of sleep paralysis demon and sat for the ride. It's not like they could move. And it was a handful of times, so I never revisited any of them."
Sukuna nodded and remained quiet for a while. It took a moment for Megumi to feel the coil of heat in Sukuna, the increased speed of his heart beating, and soon his lips were pressed to the top of Megumi's head. "Show me."
Megumi looked up, face scrunched. "Suddenly you want to be pinned and helpless?"
"Mm, doesn't hurt." And he would be safe, was the part that Megumi initially missed. Because of course there was no risk of harm with Megumi. There never was.
And so he did. He slipped out of Sukuna's arms like water and he was a swirl of action, tossing away bed sheets and removing Sukuna's sleep pants. It wouldn't be exactly the same with Sukuna awake but that wasn't the point. It didn't take long to realize that. He pressed Sukuna onto his back gently, his shadow like a wide, dark film over his body which held him down. He used his hand to stroke Sukuna to full hardness, already half-hard by the time he was pinned. It made him smile, because Sukuna was always eager. Even when he had no intention of getting himself off, Sukuna was always eager.
Megumi could feel the tension in his body as he attempted to move, pressed up and writhed against his restraints. His cock throbbed. Megumi bit his lip while he watched. This was going to be different because it was Sukuna. Wanting to see more of him, Megumi's shadow moved and warped. The mass migrated beneath Sukuna, tentacles like shackles holding him down against itself. Several across his arms and legs, several across his torso and one around his neck. As soon as Sukuna opened his mouth, one more appendage formed to stuff his mouth full. "You're not allowed to talk," Megumi whispered. He shuddered as Sukuna moaned and suckled, the sensation new. The man was thrilled, breathing already haggard, cock already leaking.
Megumi wasted no time in settling onto his cock. He started hard and fast at first, watched Sukuna's features twist with pleasure as he rode him. This was close to what it would be but it was impossible to be exactly the same. They both cared too much. Megumi slowed down, watched as Sukuna's eyes slid open and he groaned, his orgasm held at bay. And Megumi continued to tease. He sped up, slowed down, rocked and occasionally just sat there, still, flexing and fluttering his cunt around his cock while Sukuna fought the tentacles that held him down. He watched Sukuna's fingers flex like claws, grunting loudly with both lust and frustration.
Megumi wanted his touch, but he had to deny himself too. Despite cumming twice, it wasn't the same. He wanted more.
He continued to edge Sukuna until his gaze was intense, until he watched Megumi like a wild animal. His desire and gaze were feral, forming an aura around him that twisted Megumi's insides and made him shake. Megumi began to bounce on his cock again until Sukuna came, the strength behind his limbs as he fought his restraints making Megumi tremble. He always knew Sukuna was strong but it was different to feel it so freely and fully against his body. Being tossed around was not the same as feeling his muscles bulge and tense with the desire to escape, perhaps to hold him down and keep him pinned violently. And while it was amazing and thrilling to watch and feel the struggle, Megumi still wanted his hands on him, but especially while he lacked any sense of calm.
"Touch me," he purred as he withdrew his shadows. They were immediately flipped, Megumi pinned beneath his giant body. He pounded into Megumi with abandon, biting into his neck. Megumi didn't think about if that was safe, if it was a good idea. He didn't think, simply moaned and cried and shouted for more, surrounded Sukuna in his tendrils and held on for his life.
And Sukuna obliged as he chased his own pleasure like a beast. Again, Megumi cried, and again and again and again until they were both spent and Sukuna couldn't stay hard any longer. And Sukuna's weight pinning him to the bed felt good, felt safe and warm and all Megumi could do was laugh with bliss. "That's not how that went, ever."
Sukuna scoffed, gave Megumi several kisses until he calmed down. "Yeah, I figured the script got a little flipped once you started teasing me, baby."
—
It took about a month for Megumi to realize something wasn't right.
He was hungrier. A lot hungrier. Once a month became every other week became every week. There were plenty of children in the world to eat but it would become a problem if he was eating that frequently.
Was he dying?
The thought crossed his mind. Of course, now that he was a happy little monster and Sukuna really had his life together, his life was ending. It was the only thing that made sense.
And then he couldn't eat at all. The sight of children made his stomach turn, even ones on TV when Yuji came over. When Yuji asked if he was okay, Megumi became disgruntled and left.
He ate an adult for the first time in over 2 decades and he became violently sick from it. He was used to sleeping for days after, so much energy lost but fed, but he wasn't used to projectile vomiting guts and bones like a sick animal. He wasn't even aware he could vomit.
It took another two weeks for him to realize that he was not dying. He hadn't wasted away yet and other than the lack of appetite, he was fine. But what was most troublesome was that Sukuna knew something was wrong. Something was wrong but Megumi couldn't tell him what, because he wasn't sure. He was clueless.
It got to the point where Sukuna was stressed with it, and that was what Megumi could not stand. "I'm sorry, I really don't know." Sukuna did not have to ask, not after the first time. He laid with him in the morning, settled in his embrace and tendrils wrapped around him as was customary.
"It's fine. You just. You feel fractured, it's worrying. It'll get better, I'm sure. Nothing to be distressed over." It sounded more like Sukuna was attempting to reassure the both of them than just himself. And perhaps he was, because Megumi was at his wit's end.
It wasn't long after that he felt whatever fracture Sukuna mentioned, though he imagined it was not what he meant. Realizing there was a heartbeat in his body one evening while he spread out was terrifying. If anything was fractured, it was his mind. He was shadow, he did not have a heart that beat. He was sure he had something, somewhere, that sustained him in some way but it certainly wasn't a heart.
And so the confusion settled in. Not once in his life had it crossed his mind that there was a possibility that he could get pregnant. Because he was a monster, first and foremost, and because he never found another tentacled mass of shadows to copulate with. Megumi was never even sure if that was a good description of what he was. He did not know what he was. The idea that Sukuna managed to impregnate him despite that was, well. He didn't know what to think.
It explained why it had a heartbeat, however.
And what was he supposed to do? Or rather, how was he supposed to get rid of it? He couldn't just reach into himself and yank it out; it was part of his shadow. If he left the room long enough, it was right back with him moments later. It was a lot like when pieces of him melted and floated and separated during sex.
There was no one to ask. Having it seemed wrong, but there was only so much time he had to decide, and only so much he could appear unchanged to Sukuna. He knew something was wrong, and he did not want nor need Sukuna to know about it. What good was it, to have something to argue over while he had a restaurant to run and employees to worry about and ratings to hang onto because his livelihood depended on it?
He would eat it. There were no other options, really. He thought of ways of damaging himself without killing himself— he couldn't leave Sukuna behind completely. Nothing came to mind that worked. Shadows were infinite and his life was annoyingly beginning to seem that way too.
He'd hide and he'd eat it and hopefully things would return to the way they were. That was the best he could do.
—
He couldn't eat it.
He thought it would get easier each day that he struggled with it, but it was still the same. He couldn't eat it.
And he tried, for days and days and days. He'd lift the shadowy mass up into the air and unhinge his jaw and all he could see was Sukuna staring back at him. It made him sick and he'd set it back down again. If he was capable of crying, he would have cried with it. Instead he would curl up into the smallest particle of shadow he could manage until he couldn't take it anymore, and went about caring for the little thing as he knew he could.
He wanted to eat it. He missed Sukuna. He missed his home. But he couldn't eat it.
—
It was quiet in his arms. Not quite warm but not lacking it either. Normal. It was void, so of course. In the morning, it would look like flesh and bones and maybe as it grew it could choose, but he didn't know what to do with it. Turned out it was fine with animal blood for now, but Megumi was clueless. And it felt like he was suffocating to show up at Sukuna's home— his home too, even if he hid away for seven months.
Megumi wasn't sure of what to expect. He slipped through the cracks of the front door with it— it always knew what he wanted and it made Megumi sick— and Sukuna knew he was there immediately. Seven months and he still slept during the day. The scent of spices was fragrant in the air despite the loud fan in the kitchen, and soon Sukuna rounded the corner into the hall. What began as stunned relief quickly turned to anger. Sukuna shook with it, and all Megumi could feel was shame. Shame shame shame.
"You disappeared for seven months, without a word. Nothing. Where have you been? What the fuck did I do to deserve something like that?" Megumi stood silent. "Did you go mute again?" Megumi's apprehension continued to grow. He was close to turning and running away. Perhaps this was a terrible idea. It was a sickening fog that began to extend outside of himself and it was only rivaled by Sukuna's growing trepidation, his growing fear. Don't leave me again. "Megumi—"
"I couldn't eat it."
A pause. Sukuna simmered down some. "What?"
Megumi's shadow tentacles extended down the hall to reach Sukuna, appendages offering up the bundle. "I couldn't eat it. I can't."
There was soft babbling and Megumi looked up when he felt Sukuna's hands and arms against his tentacles. "You stole a baby?" Confused and met with Sukuna's confusion, Megumi's head shot up. Of course it changed. It knew. It began to wiggle and fret, and Megumi drew closer. "I don't…" When it opened its eyes, Sukuna paused again. "Megumi, you can't get pregnant."
Silence. What the hell was he supposed to say? Seven months later and he still didn't know. As if on cue, it shifted to shadow as it began to settle down again, a mass of rotund shadow and blinking red eyes. The eyes soon settled.
"No one carries something for nine months with the intent of eating it, baby." Megumi's appendages retreated back towards his body while he stood there. Though Sukuna approached, he took a step back.
"And what was I supposed to do? Go to a hospital? I didn't really have a choice." He could say he was confused and scared and everything else but Sukuna knew. He didn't bother.
"Tell me?"
"You have a restaurant to run."
Sukuna rolled his eyes. He wasn't angry, but to call him happy would be wrong, too. There was relief and still some confusion, worry. Sadness. Hurt. "You are an idiot. Come here." Megumi wanted to take another step back but found himself stepping forward instead, pressing his face against Sukuna's chest. "One day you're going to stop being afraid of everything. Or you'll let it be and experience it with me, like I've had to and wanted to."
"Sorry." It would never actually be that simple, but for now it had to be.
"I wouldn't trade you for the world. We'll figure it out."