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When Daisy opened her eyes, she thought she was dreaming. She felt sort’ve numb in a way, not quite feeling anything, and everything was all a blur for a moment. When her eyes focused, she saw him. Billy. He was staring at the ceiling, panting, and if she hadn’t been so strung out, she might’ve noticed the panic right away. Maybe then she would have realized something was wrong, but being this close to Billy… How could anything possibly be wrong?
She took him in for a moment, her vision still feeling foggy, but somehow he felt clear to her. When he looked down at her, she wanted to smile, but she felt so tired. Like offering Billy Dunne a smile was the most exhausting thing she could do at that moment.
Then, when she realized his eyes were shot and he was crying, she wanted to reach up and wipe his tears away. She didn’t know why he was crying, didn’t have the energy to ask, didn’t even have the energy to think about why he was here, or what was going on. She just wanted to look into his eyes forever. Like it could be the last thing she’d ever do and she would be happy.
For a second her mind flickered to Nicky, and she wondered for a moment if it was him looking down at her, maybe this was all just her mind playing tricks on her. The same way while in Greece she would see Billy walking down the street, or sitting in a cafe, or playing guitar on the beach, even if he wasn’t really there. Just her mind tricking her, her mind wanting him.
Her senses started kicking in, and she realized he was holding her. Daisy wasn’t sure how she didn’t notice it till this moment, but one of his hands was wrapped around her neck and the other was gripping her hip. She knew it wasn’t Nicky then.
Nicky couldn’t hold her like this, so firm, but so soft. For a moment she wondered if anyone else ever would. Hold her like a lifeline.
Plus, all those Billy’s she’d imagined, they’d been gone in a flash. Just a trick of the light. This Billy was staying, staring at her so softly and deeply that she thought it might break her.
“It’s you,” Daisy managed out, her heart souring as Billy brought his hand up to hold her face. She let her eyes flutter shut again, feeling his heartbeat through his chest, his breath coming out in a shaky wave.
He brought his head down and laid it on her chest, and she’d never felt such peace. She could tell by the way he was looking at her that he loved her too. They weren’t writing a song, or performing for an audience, it was just them. She felt like she could live in peace knowing he loved her back, or under the circumstances, die in peace.
Despite the growing headache creeping in, and the pressure on her chest from Billy holding his head there so tight, she felt lighter. She could tell it wasn’t just the drugs.
It was him. The smell of his hair, his shaky breath on her skin.
When he pulled his head back up, she wanted to frown, and maybe she did, but she couldn’t tell. She still couldn’t feel much of anything besides Billy.
She felt a few tears drop on her skin and was reminded he was crying, but it really hit home when he choked out her name. Like he had to force it out, like it was the most painful thing he’d ever said.
“Billy,” She mumbled back, tilting her head more into him.
“Open your eyes again, please.” He pleaded and she wanted to fight him. Why should she open her eyes? She was so, so tired.
He spoke again, this time close enough that she felt his words on the side of her mouth as he spoke them, “Daisy, baby, please open your eyes.”
She felt a little clearer now.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Daisy asked softly, opening her eyes and watching him give her a smile she couldn’t quite read.
“You took too much, Daisy. I thought I lost you.” Billy whispered, stroking her cheek with his thumb. She wanted to do the same for him. Wipe his tears away. But she was so, so tired.
“I’m okay, Billy.” Daisy strained out, finally starting to piece together what had happened.
You took too much, Daisy.
I thought I lost you.
“You aren’t gonna lose me.” She promised, not if you don’t want to.
“I almost did.” His eyes were sharper for a moment and Daisy wanted to shrink into herself. “Damnit, Daisy. If anything happened to you,” He trailed off and she finally seemed to gain enough strength to lift her hand, she trailed a soft finger down his cheek, tracing the track of a tear. “You just have to be okay, okay?”
“Okay,” She whispered in return. “I’m sorry I scared you, but I’m okay, really.”
“You’re not okay.” He denied, and despite the edge to his voice, his hands still held her as if she was the most precious thing in the world.
“I will be.” I will be if you want me to be. I will be if you stay.
Will you stay with me forever?
Will you chase me in my dreams?
“Doctor is on the way.” Rod announced, leaning into the room. Daisy hadn’t even noticed him standing out the door.
Billy nodded in return and gave him a grateful smile, watching Rod walk into the other room.
“I don’t want anyone seeing me like this.” Daisy panicked, trying to sit up but instantly being hit with nausea and a headache.
“Don’t get up,” Billy insisted, pulling her back into him.
“I can get up if I damn want to.” Daisy insisted, looking up at him and seeing the pleading look in his eyes.
“Please.”
Please, I’m down on my knees.
“I don’t wanna see a doctor, Billy. I don’t want anyone seeing me like this.” She whispered, tears welling in her eyes.
“I’m seeing you like this.” Billy reminded.
“That’s different.”
“I know it is.”
They sat in silence for a moment, and stared into eachothers eyes, Billy bringing his hand back to her face, wiping each and every tear as they fell.
“Am I gonna be okay?” Daisy asked quietly, searching his eyes. She knew she could read him. Knew that even if he didn’t tell the truth, his eyes would.
“You will.” He’d never sounded so sure. Maybe it was because he truly believed in her, or maybe it’s just because he needed it to be true. Neither of them thought too much into it.
Billy's eyes softened, cleared up, and filled themselves with something she’d only seen in his eyes a few times. She knew what he was thinking. She didn’t wanna hear it, not if it wasn’t true. She wanted to hear it because he meant it, not because he was scared.
“Billy,” Daisy began, a sort of plea to her voice that he didn’t need to dissect.
Don’t you go and tell me that you love me while you’re leaving, if you’re gonna leave me now.
He shook his head, and kissed her forehead softly, then her temple, then her cheek, then the corner of her mouth. Leaving his lips there, he breathed out her name.
He had so much to lose if he chose Daisy, but he almost lost her, hadn’t he? Minutes ago. And what fear was something he never thought would leave his mind. He couldn’t choose her today, maybe never, but he could be honest.
“I love you, Daisy Jones.” He whispered against the corner of her mouth, followed by giving her a proper, sweet kiss on the lips.
When he pulled away, she searched his eyes. “I know you do.” I hoped you did.
Daisy wasn’t sure what tomorrow would look like, or the day after that. Didn’t know what he would decide when Camila creeped back into his mind. But at least now she knew he truly loved her too. Loved her the way she loved him.
She decided then to live in this moment as if it was the only moment of her life. Like she was born in this moment, and will die in this moment. Just so she could hold it close and truly live in it. Even if he didn’t choose her forever, he would choose her sometimes. This time.
She thought, maybe almost having him is enough, at least for now; this could be enough. It’s not stolen glances and full of longing, but having. Having almost everything she could ever want and not being afraid to lose it. Because even if they weren’t together, there was an ease to this moment. This terrifying, electric moment. No insecurity, no secrets, no drugs, or jealousy, or games. It was them.
Love, connection.
For a moment she pretended they were on a beach somewhere, basking in the warm sun on their honeymoon. Not the bathroom floor of a hotel room.
It wasn’t a scary near death experience. Or a hopeless love confession. It was a fantasy. She convinced herself it was. Otherwise, it might’ve killed her.
She felt his thumb tracing her cheek. She looked at him and saw every infinitesimal moment fuse into this single second.
Daisy Jones knew that if she never breathed another breath, never lived another moment, then there would never be anything more that she wanted. To be here, with him, his heart open, was more than she could have ever imagined getting in this life.
She didn’t care about the drugs, the songs, the stage, not any of it; this, them. It was all she’d ever wanted. Needed.
It was just them.
It was just Daisy and Billy.