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Zam stared at the inviting plate of food in front of him, hand pressed to his abdomen. His stomach was conflicted, growling with hunger and rolling with nausea at the same time.
It wasn’t that the food was bad. On the contrary, the grilled chicken on the plate looked quite appetizing, to a normal person. But the only taste in Zam’s mouth was the bitter poison. It was still fresh in his mind, even though the memory was from months ago.
A raspberry pastry. Sweet jam turned sour, then bitter. Collapsing on the floor, convulsing. Writhing and sobbing in pain. Yells and footsteps. Someone crouching next to him. Through eyes blurry with tears, he saw messy brown hair and two irises, one purple, one green. Blacking out. Waking up in his bed. The taste of poison never faded.
Zam’s hands crashed down on the table, fork and knife slipping between his fingers. He rested his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands.
A comforting steady hand on his shoulder. His knight Subz. He would be dead a hundred times over without him.
“Zam,” Subz gently called. “Zam, look at me please.” His voice almost cracked on the last word, but he kept it steady. To put on a brave face for the prince. Zam turned to look at the loyal knight with bloodshot eyes.
“Please Zam you have to eat.” Zam shook his head fervently. “Zam you need food,” Subz coaxed desperately. Zam still refused. Subz sighed.
“Okay how about this,” he took a deep breath, already knowing what Zam’s reaction would be. “I’ll taste it first, to make sure it’s safe.”
Zam slammed his hands on the table, anger simmering in his eyes. Subz stepped forward to comfort him, but Zam shrugged the hand off. “I can’t do that to you, I can’t make you go through that. What if it’s poisoned? What if I lose you? I can’t lose you Subz, god knows I can’t lose you.” Because I love you, he added in his head, too afraid to speak the words aloud.
“You’re the prince Zam. Me? I’m just a knight, a bodyguard. I- I’m re- repla-replaceable Zam,” Subz tried to reason, voice stumbling over the words. Without waiting for Zam’s answer, he stepped forward and picked up the fork and knife. He cut himself a bite of the chicken, and put it in his mouth.
Zam gave a muffled choking sob. It was all his fault, it was all because of him. Because he was such a coward. He couldn’t even do a simple thing like eating lunch, and now Subz would be hurt. Subz, his loyal, brave, determined knight. His best friend, his closest companion. Time seemed to slow to a sluggish pace as Subz chewed.
Zam brought his knees up and hugged them against his chest, rocking side to side in his chair as he attempted to comfort himself. It didn’t work well. His breathing was coming in short gasps, and he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t-
“Zam, look at me.” There was a voice speaking to him, a hand shaking his shoulder gently. Zam curled in on himself even further. “Zam.” A firm voice snapped him out of his panic. He looked up to see Subz standing over him, still looking the same as he did five minutes ago. Zam forced himself to take a breath, and let it out slowly. He was okay. Subz was okay. It wasn’t poisoned. Everything was okay.
Subz sensed his fragile state and said nothing more, wordlessly giving the prince the fork and knife. Zam slowly cut a piece of the chicken, hands trembling. He speared it with the fork and slowly put it in his mouth. The warm, comforting flavors soothes his taste buds, and he slowly let out his breath. It was okay. The food was okay. Breathe in, breathe out. The food wasn’t poisoned.
“You should really trust me more Zam,” Subz joked lightly.
Zam raised the fork at him in a jokingly threatening manner. “You watch it, just because you were right once doesn’t mean you always know what’s best.” A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth despite himself.
“Thank you Subz,” Zam thanked him genuinely, pouring gratefulness and thankfulness into the three words. From the way Subz smiled back softly at him, Zam could tell he understood the meaning Zam had hidden behind the words.
I love you.