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It was the same every time.
Whenever he felt specially awful about his own pathetic existence, he would simply jump into an almost identical dimension, and watch.
Now, that may trigger several questions.
For example, was his life really all that terrible? He'd answer, "Yes, I literally just said that". And when you consider that he's physically and emotionally attracted to his very own brother, you might just agree.
Another question could be, jumping dimensions?! Something like interdimentional travel? He'd answer, "What, like it's hard? Also, those were two questions."
Last but not least, watch? Watch what? He will not answer that.
This alternate reality was a lot like his own. The people that lived in it looked and acted the same way as the ones from his original dimension. Anyone else wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
But there was one crucial discrepancy.
"Donnie-baby, I'm back~"
The sing-song tone in his brother's voice would have made him grit his teeth in any other moment, except right now.
From his hiding place, he could see Leonardo saunter into the lab like it was his own, holding a paper bag in his hand, which he moved from side to side meaningfully.
"I got you your favorite~"
The grin on his face is wide and completely self-satisfied, as he leans over and kisses his partner's cheek with a loud, obnoxious noise.
"You really don't have to do that."
Donnie watches his alternate self turn his swivel chair, using his hand to wipe his cheek in the pettiest way.
"Aw, but where's the fun in that?" Leo sits right on his lap without asking permission, because it's clear that at least in this time line, he doesn't need to.
A slight grimace makes an appearance on Donatello's face as he turns away from the image, almost on instinct. Their proximity repels him slightly for more than a reason.
Physical contact isn't his favorite, as every person that has ever met him has come to realize. That is, of course, unless he's the one to initiate it. It makes perfect sense to him. He didn't ask to be touched, so why would anyone do it? Don't. Keep those hands and other bodily parts away from him unless he explicitly allows it, thank you very much.
Also. Seeing the simple, genuine intimacy in the touch before him make his heart ache. He knows very well that he will never experience such a feeling with the Leo that he has left behind in his original reality.
So why was he here? Why was he watching an alternate version of himself and his brother act all lovey-dovey if it made him feel so terrible?
Well, the answer to that was quite simple, in his not-so-humble opinion. Feeling worse makes him feel a little bit better. A complete oxymoron, to be sure, but a common one. It was the same as people who listened to sad songs when they felt sad. Nobody knows why it works. But it does.
"... need you to trust me on this one."
Uh-oh. What had he missed? It felt like seconds, but he was with his own thoughts for longer than he anticipated. Now alternate Donnie was tapping Leo's tigh with the flat of his hand, clearly coercing him to get up.
"Alright, alright. I trust your judgment, Dee" Leo did as he was tacitly told, moving the tails of his bandana away from his shoulder with a swift, vain movement. "I know you wanna go back to your machines and stuff, but you're missing out on all this."
He made a point to draw the genius attention to his whole body, as if to prove a point.
Still, and much to Donnie's surprise, he walked out of the room without any other complaints, swaying his hips pointedly before disappearing through the door.
Just for a second.
"Love ya~"
His head stayed peeking through the threshold just for a second more before he actually left. He didn't wait for a reply, at least not a verbal one. The soft, smitten smile on alternate Donatello's face must have been enough of an answer.
For a few seconds, nothing happened. Alternate Donatello, from this moment forward referred to as Alt!D for convenience, remained in silence as he typed away on one of his many computers.
Huh. Had he actually just asked Leo to leave to "go back to his machines and stuff"? It baffled Donnie, to be honest. Not because it was unusual, in fact, it was the most normal thing to happen up until now.
But at the same time, to him, it seemed inconceivable to not cherish every single moment with Leo in his vicinity.
He considered leaving. After all, if he wanted to see top-notch coding, he could do it himself from the comfort of his own reality.
"Are you going to show yourself or are we going to keep pretending that you're not lurking all the way back there?"
... What.
Alt!D had spoken without looking away from the screen, his fingers dancing through the keyboard with ease.
Before Donnie could ask himself if he was actually talking to him or himself (what), he got his answer.
"I mean, I'm cool with letting you watch me. It's flattering to have such an avid audience, even if it consists of myself. But curiosity has gotten the best of me, and I have to know why you're actually here."
Okay, yeah. He was talking to him.
He could keep hiding. He could leave the way he came. But that would be an insult to Alt!D's intelligence, and to his own by proxy. And he wouldn't insult himself. At least not in such a way.
"All right, all right. You caught me, big deal."
He walked out of his hiding place with a languid shrug, crossing his arm in a definitely-not defensive way.
"How long have you known?"
"That you've been spying on me? Please. The very first time you stepped here I knew. Or do you really think you're the only one of us that had mastered interdimensional travel?"
"Geez, am I really that conceited and annoying? Actually, don't answer that."
"Scoff."
Finally, Alt!D decided to unglue his eyes from the monitor and turn his chair, acknowledging him. He stood up almost immediately, and Donnie couldn't help but roll his eyes.
"Answer."
"Answer what, exactly?"
"Why are you here?" Alt!D raised his perfectly drawn eyebrows for emphasis, crossing his arms in the exact same way as him. "Let me guess, you come from an alternate reality where the Kraang apocalypse happened?"
Donnie didn't immediately answer, as he usually did whenever presented with a question. Specially one he knew the answer to, something very common.
A part of him wanted to say yes, because that was entirely less embarrassing than the actual reason. But at the same time, he felt the urge to talk with the truth. To let it out of his chest, as Mikey so eloquently used to put it.
Also, he was a terrible liar.
"You have something that I will never have" he finally spoke, rising his shoulders closer to his ears in a shrug.
Alt!D seemed to be about to ask him to elaborate, but when his eyes drifted to the paperbag resting on his desk, it seemed to dawn on him. The epiphany was almost visible in the subtle change in his expression.
"Ah."
That was a good answer to it, honestly. What more could be said to that, really?
Slightly affronted, Alt!D cleared his throat loudly, a universal sign of discomfort.
"So what, have you been living vicariously through me?"
“No, of course not. I simply come over here to see how happy my life could be if my Leonardo could be reasonable enough to date his own brother (aka me) instead of a pompous, idiotic samurai rabbit yokai."
The expression on his alternate self told him that his explanation wasn't much better than the assumption.
It was his turn to signal his discomfort with an unnecessary loud sound from his throat.
"Have you considered telling, ah, your Leonardo how you feel?"
"Oh, of course. How should I go about about it?" he let out a humorless bark of laughter, starting to pace around the space of the laboratory. "Greetings, Leonardo. Do you wish to engage in a romantic relationship with me, your esteemed brother, to whom you are biologically related thanks to the circumstances of our mutation?"
"When you combine your words a certain way you can make anything sound terrible."
"Right, because everything about this situation is so normal and fine and totally not taboo."
His alternate self huffed in clear annoyance at his antics, probably thinking the same thing he was.
How insufferable he was most of the time, and how it had taken having a conversation with himself to fully realize it.
"Look, clearly our universe diverge in many ways-"
"No, not really."
"- but" Alt!D narrowed his eyes at the unwanted and decidedly rude interruption. "All I can say is that watching me living my best life cannot be healthy for you. Also, come on, it's a bit creepy."
"Very well, I concede. It is a bit creepy" he averted his gaze, the cold fingers of embarrassment creeping on his shell. "But in my defense, I've met an alternate version of us that also had a penchant for stalking. Maybe people-watching is ingrained in all of us, just stronger in some than in others?"
"Well, I for one do not go around watching-"
"Do you or do you not record everything?"
Alt!D didn't reply, but that was answer enough.
Feeling briefly vindicated by that, Donnie sighed deep. He gave a court nod.
"But... you are right. This isn't good for me, and I should probably stop."
Silence reigned between them yet again.
Donatello knew perfectly well that his alternate self didn't know what else to say. He knew because he wouldn't know either.
And, honestly. What else was there to say.
"I... should go now."
"Mhm-hmm."
That non-committal sound was the only answer, but he didn't really expect much else.
"I hope you know how lucky you are. As painfully cliché as that may sound."
"You are right. It does sound terribly cliché. But separately, you are also right that I am indeed very lucky."
Donnie rolled his eyes good-naturedly, shaking his head. He started walking away, but stopped for just a second.
"Also, be on your guard. Who knows, maybe one day I'll come back and take you out so I can replace you" he turned his head just slightly, just enough to see the horrified expression in that identical face. He chuckled. "I'm just kidding... kind of."
"Hah. And I believe you... kind of."
And just like that, Donnie was gone.
"Maybe you should, like, get a tattoo or something?"
Not five seconds later, Leo was right back in the lab, grim expression on his face.
"Huh? Why on earth would I do that?"
“Ya know, just in case that guy is not bluffing and actually tries to replace you. How do you expect me to tell apart two equally annoying nerds?!"
"Offended huff. Also, why am I not surprised you were eavesdropping?"
“Ah, you know me. I'm a messy bitch who lives for drama."
"... one more TikTok quote, and you're banned from this lab."
Leo laughed, loud and proud, as he threw his arms around his brother's shoulders lazily. He booped his beak with his own before speaking.
"You and I both know that's not true, Donnie-baby."
Of course they did. But he wasn't going to say it.
"Keep testing me and we'll see about that" empty threats out of the way, Alt!D brushed his lips against Leo's for just a moment before slipping out of his embrace, grabbing his paperpag. "Come on, let's watch that show you've been bugging me about lately. I hope it lives up to all the hype or I won't trust your judgment ever again."
"Huh?! Get ready to, how do you say it? Eateth thy words!"
"Terrible impression, but points for the call-back."
Hand in hand, the two of them exited the lab still lovingly bickering, their version of romance.
Back in his own reality, Donnie was just about to enter his lab when laughter called for his attention. Laughter that he knew very well.
He didn't need to look, but he did anyway.
It was Leo, because of course it was. He was laughing heartily at whatever nonsense his rabbit boyfriend had sputtered.
Said boyfriend was laughing as well, but Donnie had developed the ability to tune him out, his focus solely on his own brother. The grin on his lips, the dust of pink coloring his cheeks. The loving glow in his eyes.
The one that would never be directed at him.
Wet warmth in his cheeks startled him, and he wiped one of those pesky tears with a brush of his hand.
Huh. Crying was such a rare occasion for him. He could probably count the times he had shed real tears with his hands, and he had less fingers than most.
"Donnie?"
"AAAAHHHH!"
He almost jumped out of his shell at the sound of Mikey's voice. He rushed to wipe the rest of those watery signs of weakness before turning around, eyes still clearly wet, overly wide grin on his face.
"Angelo, dear brother. How may I assist you?"
"Uh."
His youngest brother stared at him for a few more seconds that felt like years, before sighing. Thankfully, he was tactful enough for the two of them.
"Me and Raph are gonna go get a bite to eat at that yokai BBQ place we discovered last week" he finally said, right before leaning a bit, conspirationally. "Honesty, I think he just wants to see that salamander hottie waitress again."
Leaning back with a toothy grin, Mikey continued.
"I know you probably have work in your lab but-"
"I want to come with, if that is what you were about to ask" he jumped right ahead, with a resolute nod. "I'm feeling like eating my weight in meat today."
"Sweet!"
A few rooms away, their eldest brother's voice made itself heard.
“Y'all comin' or not? Raph's leaving without ya!"
"Oh, he's down bad, baby!" Mikey snorted at that, right before grabbing his hand and rushing toward the door. "We're coming, we're coming!"
Donnie allowed the brotherly touch, and also the pulling forward of his body.
Behind him, Leo's laughter still could be heard, its volume decreasing with each step he took, until he left it completely behind.
He would unwind for a while with his brothers, poke fun at Raph's obvious crush with Mikey, and then come back to the same lab, the same lair, the same reality.
It was the same every time.
But he would learn to live with it, and love the skies he was under.