Work Text:
“Emily?”
“Yeah?”
“How come none of this gets to you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You came off a desk job. Now suddenly you’re in the field, surrounded by mutilated bodies, and you don’t even flinch.”
“I guess maybe I compartmentalize better than other people.”
//
It takes Emily a few seconds to realize it, but the incessant ringing isn’t her alarm clock. She blindly reaches for her phone and presses it to her ear, not bothering to look at the caller ID.
“Prentiss.”
"Emily." It's hushed and maybe a little frantic and Emily shoots up in bed, suddenly wide-awake.
"JJ?” she questions even though she recognizes the voice instantly. "What’s going on? Is there a case?” There's silence for a beat, then a sharp intake of breath.
"No, I – there's no case,” JJ replies. After an anxious sigh, she continues with, "I'm sorry to bother you. I just didn't know who else to call."
"It's okay," Emily tells her. It's okay because she's seen the way the slightest touch startles her; the way the slightest unexpected sound makes panic flash wildly in her eyes. "Want to talk?"
"I can't be alone," JJ says quickly and Emily knows what she's really asking and what it takes for her to ask it.
"I can be there in twenty."
-
When the door swings open, JJ’s standing there in an old jersey and shorts. She smiles uncomfortably and lets Emily in. Emily doesn’t miss the faint click of the deadbolt and the rattle of the door chain behind her.
“Um, I was gonna call you back and tell you not to come after all,” JJ says, voice more calm than when Emily last heard it, “but I figured since you were already on the way….” She tucks her hair behind her ears and even though there’s an unspoken promise not to profile each other, Emily’s long since considered it a nervous habit. Her brows furrow with concern as she asks:
“Are you okay?”
"No." It's said with a laugh, like JJ can't believe she isn't or she just can't believe she's admitting it (Emily isn't sure which). "I'm having nightmares. God," she sighs, shaking her head, "that sounds stupid."
"It's not," Emily says, reaching for JJ's hand; JJ jumps a little at the contact but Emily figures it's the aftermath of the nightmare rather than a reaction to her. “How long have you been having them?”
“A few days,” JJ answers but she doesn’t even know. “I thought they’d go away.” She laughs mirthlessly and adds, “obviously not.”
“It takes time,” Emily tells her. “I’m glad you called.” JJ nods in acknowledgement. She hadn’t planned to call Emily, but she found herself dialing her number anyway, because nothing else works; not tea or infomercials or beers after work with Garcia who tries so hard. When she closes her eyes, she’s back in that barn again, and the only thing that cuts through the terror and darkness is the sound of Emily’s voice.
“Will you talk to me until I fall asleep?”
“Yeah,” Emily smiles and hopes it’s reassuring. “Of course.”
“Let me take your coat,” JJ offers, already reaching for Emily’s shoulders; helping her out of it. She hangs it up, and when she turns back to Emily, her eyes travel up and down and then, for the first time in so long, she feels like smiling. “Nice pjs.”
“I was in a hurry,” Emily says with a laugh; she can’t bring herself to feel self-conscious because she’s missed that sparkle in JJ’s eyes.
“Rocket ships suit you.”
-
JJ’s eyes blink open, slowly adjusting to the light. She angles her head to see the clock; it’s nearly 7am and the last thing she remembers from last night is Emily talking to her – there were no bad dreams.
Smiling to herself, she turns and sees Emily sound asleep next to her, curled up on her side. Hair falls into her face and, without thinking, JJ reaches out and brushes it back. Emily stirs but doesn’t wake; just sighs softly and nestles further into the pillow.
“Em?”
“Oh God,” Emily groans, “tell me it’s not morning already.” JJ brings her hand to Emily’s back, stroking sympathetically, and chuckles.
“It’s almost seven. Sorry.” Emily inhales slowly, enjoying light pressure of JJ’s hand on her, then she rolls onto her side enough to look at JJ; her forehead creases with concern.
“How’d you sleep?”
“Really good,” JJ tells her, hand coming to rest on Emily’s shoulder; smirking, she adds, “I should drag you here every night.”
“Oh,” Emily starts with a laugh, “I could do without driving in my pajamas.” Then her face sobers as she adds, “but I’d stay here if you needed me to.”
“You don’t mind?”
“No, JJ,” Emily shakes her head. “Of course not. Just – “ She breaks off and sighs; then asks, “why me? Why not Garcia; someone else?”
“I don’t – “ She stops herself from saying she doesn’t know, because she does. “I just – I feel better around you. Steadier.”
“I’m glad,” Emily says with a smile. Absentmindedly, JJ’s hand resumes its earlier course, sliding down the length of Emily’s back. They stay like that for a long moment. JJ’s stomach tightens as Emily moves a little closer; her mouth opens and JJ braces herself, eyes starting to drift closed when Emily says softly, “I should get going.”
“Right,” JJ agrees with a quick nod. “You probably want to shower and…” she trails off and Emily stands, raking her fingers through her hair to smooth it back. “Em?” JJ calls out to her and Emily turns back to look at her.
”What is it, JJ?” she asks, brow creasing delicately. JJ stands and rounds the bed, placing a light hand on Emily’s shoulder as she offers:
“Let me make you some coffee first.”
//
They take separate cars to work; enter the building separately; end up taking different elevators up, and still, they end up at the bullpen entrance at the same time. They both take a step back, gesturing to let the other go in first, and it’s briefly awkward.
“Sorry,” Emily laughs. “Think we both would’ve gotten stuck?”
“Maybe if this were a cartoon,” JJ says, laughing too. Emily sobers, leaning in a little to add:
“I always thought life should resemble cartoons more often.” Charmed by Emily’s response, JJ’s smile widens, but before she can respond, Morgan appears.
“Morning, ladies,” he flashes a smile as he passes between them.
“We should – “ JJ says, gesturing inside.
“Yeah,” Emily nods. “After you.”
//
Emily holds the corner of a well-worn page between her thumb and index finger, getting ready to turn it. In the seat next to her, JJ’s dozing with her chin against her chest; she was fast asleep before they hit cruising altitude.
A few minutes pass and suddenly, there’s a soft gasp. Her elbow gets bumped and the book tumbles out of her hands.
“God,” JJ pants, immediately reaching forward to pick it up, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Emily tells her gently. She takes the book from JJ and tucks it behind her; reaches up without thinking and brushes JJ’s hair out of her face. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” JJ nods quickly. “I’m fine. I don’t – “ She takes a steadying breath before continuing, “I don’t really remember what the dream was.”
“Want some water?” Emily asks, already moving to stand. JJ touches her arm, stopping her, and smiles weakly.
“No, but thank you,” she says. Her eyes drop to the book on the seat and she adds, “don’t let me interrupt you. I hope you can find your page again.”
“Are you kidding?” Emily chuckles. “I’ve read it so many times, I could recite it by heart.”
“Yeah?” JJ asks softly, lips curling up into a smile. “That’s kind of nice.”
“Not nerdy?” Emily asks, brow arched wryly, and JJ cocks her head thoughtfully for a beat before adding lightly:
“Yeah, that too.”
//
“Well, despite what you may have heard, cell phones can be very good for your health.”
*
JJ drops her shoulder bag onto the seat closest to the window and sinks down onto the aisle seat.
She grabs her cell to check her messages – there’s one, and as she presses the phone to her ear, Emily passes by, her thigh brushing against JJ’s knees. JJ watches as she takes the seat across from her, and hears:
“JJ, hi. It’s Will LaMontagne – we met in New Orleans. I just wanted to call and leave you my number in case you were ever back in town or even just wanted to talk.”
Emily leans forward, lightly touching her hand to JJ’s knee; once she has JJ’s attention, she mouths:
“Coffee?”
With a smile, JJ nods gratefully. The message continues playing in her ear.
“It was real nice to meet you, JJ. I hope that’s not the last I ever see of you.”
Ending the call, JJ puts her phone back into her jacket pocket and leans her head back. Will’s charming and cute and interested but –
Just then, Emily appears with two mugs and hands one to JJ.
“Thanks.”
“Careful,” Emily says and her fingers linger on the mug until she’s certain JJ has it. Smiling, she sits back down and gingerly takes a sip.
– but sometimes she thinks Emily might be interested, too. And, if she’s honest, she thinks she might like that.
//
JJ’s behind her desk, mid-signature when she hears:
“Still working?”
She looks up and Emily’s leaning against the door jamb, her face a mix of admiration and disbelief.
“Yeah,” JJ sighs, pen moving swiftly to form the last three letters, “looks like I’ll be here for a while.”
“Want some company?”
“Uh,” JJ lets out a deep breath and lets the pen drop, “I just really have to get this done.”
“Well,” Emily starts, digging into her pocket. She fumbles with something in her hands and then reaches out to JJ. “Here.”
“What is it?” JJ asks, holding her hand open.
“My key,” Emily says, dropping it in JJ’s palm and closing JJ’s fingers around it. “My place is close and, in case you don’t want to be alone – “ JJ shakes her head, thumb running over the smooth metal.
“I can’t – “ she starts, but the offer is so tempting and she can’t say she doesn’t want to. Instead, she says, “I don’t want to wake you.”
“That’s why you can let yourself in,” Emily smiles and JJ finds herself unable to say no.
-
“JJ,” Emily says, leaning over JJ, palm flat against her shoulder blade. She’s facedown on the bed, face buried in the pillow. Emily slides her hand down the curve of JJ’s back, wanting to wake her but not startle her. “JJ,” she repeats, shaking her gently. “Jen.”
“Mmm,” JJ murmurs sleepily, turning until she’s on her back. The sheet’s twisted around her, tangled at her waist, and Emily’s hand ends up on her stomach. Emily lingers for a moment; feels JJ’s body warm and firm beneath her hand, then she pulls away and says:
“You slept through the alarm.”
“God,” JJ groans, stretching languidly, “I never do that.” She opens her eyes and catches Emily staring at her – at the strip of skin between the waistband of her shorts and the hem of her shirt. She feels herself flush and pushes it away; pushes herself up on her elbows and smiles. “I guess it’s your effect on me.”
“I make you unconscious?” Emily asks tartly and JJ reaches for the pillow next to her; flings it at Emily who laughs when it hits her in the stomach.
“You make me feel okay .”
//
Emily straightens her shoulders, aware of her mother’s proximity. They’re standing side by side, watching the buzzing activity in front of them.
“Ambassador,” JJ smiles politely, then turns her attention to Emily, hand coming up to touch Emily’s arm lightly. “There’s a briefing at two.”
“Thanks, Jayj,” Emily says with a nod. JJ excuses herself and Emily’s eyes follow her across the room as she heads for Hotch and Morgan.
“Emily,” Elizabeth starts lowly, “do you think it’s wise?” Emily looks over at her, brows raised expectantly. “Your fixation on Agent Jareau.”
“I don’t – “ Emily lets out a quick breath. “Mother, JJ and I are friends.”
“She’s your subordinate, Emily,” Elizabeth says. ”This is hardly appropriate workplace behavior.”
“We’re a team,” Emily corrects her. “All of us. And,” she adds as an afterthought, “there’s nothing inappropriate going on.” Satisfied with that, Elizabeth nods once.
“It’s for your own good.”
//
JJ sighs wearily. It’s disappointing, but not unexpected, that Emily’s phone goes straight to voicemail. She likes her alone time; likes to decompress after a week doing what they do, and while JJ understands the inclination, sometimes she wishes Emily wouldn’t shut her out with the rest of the world.
Garcia has plans, and she wouldn’t call Reid or Morgan on the weekend; wouldn’t interrupt Hotch’s time with his family.
She dials without really thinking about what she’s doing.
“Hey Will, it’s, uh – “
“I know who it is,” Will interrupts gently. “I was beginning to think you wouldn’t call.” Letting out an embarrassed chuckle, JJ says:
“Yeah, you know, work.”
“How are you?”
“I’m fine. I’m – “ she breaks off and sighs, “I’m not that fine.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“This case that I passed on. I shouldn’t have and something bad happened and I – I don’t know.”
“You feel responsible, don’t you?” Will asks. JJ’s quiet for a moment before letting out a long, slow breath.
“Yeah. I feel responsible.”
“You’re not responsible, JJ.”
“You don’t even know the details,” JJ reminds him with a mirthless chuckle.
“I don’t,” Will agrees. “And I don’t know you all that well, but I know how seriously you take your job. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Yeah,” JJ says softly, sighing.
“Do you want to have dinner?” Will asks suddenly.
“With you?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he responds easily.
“Okay, but – and I fully admit to being a little dense here, but, how could we do that?”
“Well, I’d get on an airplane” Will tells her. “Or you, whichever you’d prefer.”
“I just – really?” JJ asks, flattered and thrown by the gravity of his offer. “You’d fly up here?”
“On a moment’s notice.”
//
A knock draws JJ from the couch and she’s both surprised and pleased to see Emily standing on the other side of the door, smiling broadly, arms full, black duffel slung over her shoulder.
“Emily, hey. Come in.”
“Thanks,” Emily says as JJ maneuvers the bag off her shoulder. “Okay,” she continues, making her way to the kitchen, “traffic was brutal. They’re doing construction, so they closed off two lanes.” JJ trails behind her, watching as she deposits the bags on the table. “They were out of egg rolls; I’m sorry.” She digs through the bag and pulls out a white carton. “But I got that chicken you like.”
“It’s okay,” JJ says, still a little mystified by Emily’s sudden appearance; by her mood. “Thanks. I’ll get the wine.”
They end up on the couch, shoulder to shoulder, eating right out of the containers; half watching the Discovery channel. Emily seems engrossed in the production process of stackable potato chips; JJ is more interested in the way her thigh is flush against Emily’s.
They’ve touched before; slept in the same bed, but she’s become increasingly aware of Emily’s proximity and how it affects her. In her peripheral vision, she can see Emily’s arm moving to stretch out behind her, resting along the back of the couch, and she stiffens, holding her breath for a few seconds longer than usual.
“You okay?” Emily asks softly, toying with the back of JJ’s hair a little. JJ turns, smiling briefly and nodding, before turning her attention back to the television. Emily’s touch evolves and soon she’s cupping the back of JJ’s head, applying gentle pressure to the top of her neck; the top of her shoulders. “You’re so tense.”
JJ lets out a nearly inaudible moan, head lolling forward.
“I know,” she eventually responds. She lets out a soft chuckle. “Perk of the job.”
“Well,” Emily says, brow furrowed with concern, “if you want to talk, I’m here.”
“I know,” JJ looks over at her and smiles. “Thanks.”
-
It’s been quiet for a long moment. Emily can hear the faint cadence of JJ’s breath.
“JJ?” Emily whispers. She thinks JJ’s fallen asleep mid-conversation; she doesn’t expect JJ to find her in the dark. There's an insistence, a quiet desperation, in the way she presses her mouth against Emily's; a boldness that comes with not being able to see, just feel.
It takes a few seconds for Emily to register and when she finally does, she's kissing JJ back. She opens her mouth, fully intending to say something, but JJ takes advantage of her parted lips, her tongue seeking entrance. Gently, Emily pushes JJ back and loses her until the bed shifts and the light on the bedside table turns on dimly.
“JJ…” she sighs, propping herself up on her elbow.
“You don’t have to – “ JJ starts, shaking her head. “I get it. It was a mistake.”
“No, I – “
“I should go,” JJ says, starting to get up.
“JJ,” Emily lets out a soft chuckle, “it’s your house.” When JJ doesn’t laugh, she continues softly, “you don’t have to go.”
“Um,” JJ starts, reaching for her pillow, “I’ll just – I’ll see you in the morning.”
-
The bathroom door is open and JJ knocks lightly on the frame.
“Yeah?” It’s muffled and when JJ takes a few steps in, she sees Emily standing in front of the sink with her toothbrush in her mouth.
“About last night – “ JJ starts unsurely.
“JJ,” Emily mumbles, signaling for her to stop and wait as she leans forward to spit the toothpaste out. Turning to face JJ fully, she continues with, “I’m sorry.”
“No,” JJ shakes her head. “You were right to stop it. It was a bad idea. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Emily shakes her head.
“Can we just – pretend it never happened?” JJ asks. “I don’t want things between us to change.” Emily smiles gently and says:
“They don’t have to.”
//
Garcia lingers after the briefing; waits until everyone else has scattered and then eyes JJ curiously. She’s gathering up crime scene photos and tapping them into a neat pile that gets tucked back into the case folder. Sensing Garcia’s attention on her she stops and looks up.
“What?” It comes with a self-conscious laugh.
“You’ve been acting strange the past couple days,” Garcia tells her.
“I have not,” JJ responds automatically. Garcia narrows her eyes and says:
“I may not be a profiler, but I know you, Jayj. Come on,” she says, gesturing with her hands. “Give it up.”
“I – “ JJ starts but quickly closes her mouth. She has no idea what to say. Emily and I kissed. Yeah. Instead, she goes with, “I can’t talk about it now.”
“It’s just gonna eat away at you, Jayj,” Garcia replies. She braces her elbows against the table and rests her chin atop her hands. “Unburden yourself to me.” JJ lets out a long sigh and then sits down.
“Well, you know after Georgia, I’ve been having nightmares.”
“Yeah,” Garcia nods. “They were pretty bad. Have they stopped?”
“Mostly,” JJ says. “That’s the thing. Emily and I have been sleeping together.”
“Oh!” Garcia smacks her hand against the table. “I knew it.”
“Garcia.”
“You’re harder to pin, but Emily’s pretty butch and – “
“ Garcia ,” JJ repeats. “Literally sleeping.”
“Like, just catching up on some Z’s together?” Garcia asks, brow raised dubiously. JJ nods and she continues, “well, what about the lusty glances you’ve been shooting in her direction?” At JJ’s expression, she corrects experimentally, “that I’ve been imagining?”
“We’re not – we’re just friends. I just – ”
“What?”
“We’ve been spending a lot of time together and – “ she takes a deep breath and braces herself. “And we kissed last night.”
“Well, well.” Garcia’s unable to stifle a huge grin.
“Pen,” JJ says sternly. “This is serious.”
“Yes,” Garcia sobers quickly, “no time to make jokes.” JJ sighs and folds her hands together on the table; asks:
“It’s a bad idea, right?”
“Making out with a superior agent?” Garcia’s brows shoot up. “I’d say so. I cannot, however, say I blame you. Emily Prentiss is delectable.” JJ glares at Garcia and says:
“You’re not helping.”
“What’s the big deal anyway?” Garcia shrugs. “You experimented in college.”
JJ lets out a short, forced laugh.
“It’s not the same thing, Pen.” An eyebrow appears above the rim of Garcia’s red glasses.
“It’s girl on girl.”
“I was 19 and it didn’t go that far. This is – it’s my career.”
“Sounds like you already made a decision,” Garcia tells her.
“I – “ JJ stops her protest because, yeah, she made a decision when she applied to Quantico all those years ago. Frown tugging at her lips, she says, “you know how hard I worked to get here.”
//
“I don’t know how I let you talk me into this,” Emily wheezes. She hunches over, hands braced on her thighs, and tries to catch her breath.
“What?” JJ grins, jogging in a circle around her. “You wanted to come.” Emily glances up long enough to give JJ a withering look.
“It’s barely seven; my judgment is obviously severely impaired.”
“Yeah,” JJ agrees easily. “No shame in not being able to keep up with someone, what, ten years younger?”
“Hey!” Emily protests, finally straightening. “That’s a low blow.”
“Prove me wrong,” JJ challenges with a smile and takes off.
Digging deep, Emily starts after her. It takes a little effort, but she catches up to JJ; with less effort, she matches JJ’s stride and they run the last mile shoulder to shoulder. In the homestretch, Emily sprints ahead, widening the gap between them and coming to the end of the trail seconds before JJ.
“Okay,” JJ says breathlessly, smiling, “I’m officially impressed.” Emily turns to her, eyebrow raised smugly.
“It took you this long?”
“Yeah,” JJ laughs, thoroughly amused, “sorry.” Emily’s laughing too, rolling her eyes at herself, and she puts her hand on JJ’s shoulder; squeezes companionably as they walk side by side out of the park.
//
JJ’s in Garcia’s office, leaning back in a spare chair with her feet perched on the corner of her desk. Her hand’s in a bag of potato chips and she’s mid-bite when her cell phone rings.
“Would you mind?” she asks through a mouthful and Garcia cranes her head to read the display.
“Will?” She looks up curiously at JJ. “The charmer from the Big Easy?”
“Yeah,” JJ responds and gives her thumb a lick. She doesn't move, opting to let it go to voicemail. “We talk sometimes.”
“You talk sometimes,” Garcia repeats dubiously.
“And – “ JJ pauses for a beat, “we had dinner.” Garcia’s brows shoot up at that.
“He came here?” When JJ doesn’t respond right away, she changes her question to, “you flew to New Orleans?”
“It’s not a long flight,” JJ shrugs. The room is thrust into silence for a good thirty seconds before Garcia prompts:
“So, you had dinner.”
“It was nice,” JJ tells her. “He’s sweet. It’s easy.”
“What about Emily?”
“Emily and I are just friends,” JJ says, relieved when her voice only falters slightly.
//
JJ meets Emily’s eyes in the bathroom mirror and smiles.
“Hey,” Emily says as she moves besides JJ and turns on the faucet. “I’m glad you came out with us tonight.”
“Me too,” JJ agrees easily, tossing a balled up paper towel in the trash. “And,” she continues tentatively, “I’m really glad we could get past what happened the other night.”
“Yeah,” Emily smiles, nodding. “So am I.”
“See you out there,” JJ says and heads for the door. Emily hesitates briefly and then calls after her:
“Jayj?”
“Yeah?” JJ turns back towards her.
“It’s just – “ Emily furrows her brows. When JJ looks at her expectantly, she continues, “I’ve wanted to for – a very long time.”
“Really?”
“Well,” Emily starts, unable to believe what she’s saying; unable to resist the earnest way JJ’s looking at her, “yeah. Probably longer than I should admit.” JJ moves closer to her and asks with interest:
“How long?”
“Uh,” Emily starts reluctantly, eyes darting to the wall behind JJ’s head, “since you first briefed me on BAU protocol.”
A smile slowly appears on JJ’s face as the words sink in.
“That’s a while,” she comments lightly.
“I know.” Emily says and meets her eyes. “But I didn’t want to assume anything. Or push you into anything.”
“You haven’t,” JJ says, closing the remaining gap between them. She catches the hem of Emily’s top between two fingers and toys with it, adding, “we’re both adults here.” She rises up and presses her mouth to Emily’s. Instinct has Emily responding, but she breaks the kiss as soon as she can bring herself to. She looks down at JJ, breathing heavily, and says:
“Come home with me.”
-
Emily’s fingers drum nervously against the steering wheel of her Prius. She’s been sitting there in the dark for a minute, maybe two, eyes glued to the rearview mirror. She sees a flicker of light and gets out of the car, locking it behind her, and stands there with her hands shoved in her coat pockets.
There’s a chirp of an alarm and then footsteps against the pavement as JJ walks towards her. They walk in silence and Emily glances over her shoulder every so often to make sure JJ’s still there. (Every time, she is, and they exchange warm, slightly nervous, smiles.)
Emily slides the key in the lock and hesitates briefly before turning it and opening the door. She lets JJ go in first and locks up behind her.
“Want something to drink?”
“No,” JJ shakes her. She closes the distance between them but stops before they’re touching and just looks up at her. “I’m not thirsty.”
“Hungry?” Emily asks and JJ lets out a soft chuckle.
“Not that either.”
Emily cups JJ’s face and pulls her closer. Her lips hover near JJ’s and her breath is hot against JJ’s skin as she asks:
“Are you sure?”
She can feel JJ nod and that’s all she needs before crushing their mouths together.
-
Emily wakes up tangled in the sheets. She’s alone in the bedroom, but she can hear the faint sounds of movement in the kitchen. She glances at the clock – it’s early yet – and grabs her pajama top off the chair; buttons it as she walks down the stairs.
“Hey,” JJ smiles as soon as she sees her. “I was just gonna bring you some coffee.” She holds out the mug for Emily.
“Thanks,” Emily says and takes a sip. JJ’s eyes sweep down Emily’s body, unable to resist lingering on her legs, and when her gaze meets Emily’s again, her expression is unreadable. Emily licks her lips, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden.
“Do you regret last night?” JJ asks.
“No,” Emily responds instantly. “Do you?”
“No,” JJ shakes her head. “I’ve just never – “ she trails off and it only takes Emily a second to catch on.
“Oh, well,” she starts with a weak laugh, “it wasn’t obvious. I really – “ She stops to press her lips together, cheeks dimpling lightly. “ – really enjoyed it.”
“So did I,” JJ says, smiling briefly before continuing, more seriously, “it just – can it happen again?” That question earns JJ a grin and she rolls her eyes good-naturedly at Emily. “Do you want it to?” Emily presses her lips together thoughtfully.
“It probably shouldn’t, right?” she asks. “We’re colleagues.”
“Right,” JJ nods. “We have to work together, so we shouldn’t – you know, complicate things any more.”
“Yeah,” Emily agrees. “The last thing I want is for things to be weird between us.”
//
“Something happened.”
“I’m gonna need you to be a little more specific, Jayj,” Garcia says over the rapid clack of computer keys.
“With Emily. We – “ JJ breaks off and her brow furrows. “We had sex.” Garcia stops everything she’s doing and swivels in her chair.
“Oh my. How as it?”
“Garcia .”
“Okay, then.” Garcia does her best to suppress a grin because the look on JJ’s face says it all. “What about your southern detective?”
“He’s in New Orleans,” JJ shrugs. “It’s not like it’s anything serious.”
“But this thing with Emily is?”
“It was just one time. I’m not – “ JJ stops herself.
“Honey,” Garcia says gently, “that’s not the issue.”
JJ knows it isn’t.
//
They're working side by side, pouring over files scattered across the table, trying to find a connection; a pattern. Nearly everyone called it quits for the night, but they’ve got a little caffeine-induced steam left; coffee and a little stubbornness goes a long way in the BAU.
JJ can feel the length of Emily’s arm against her own; can hear Emily’s breathing, not quite slow and steady. She turns and looks at Emily’s face in profile. It’s close enough to touch; to kiss, and when Emily turns her head, their noses brush and JJ jumps back so hard, she almost stumbles.
“Hey,” Emily lets out a confused laugh. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” JJ nods, recovering easily. “Just tired.”
//
Emily's propped against the pillows, legs bent at the knees, book resting against her thighs, when JJ appears in the doorway, in the worn Redskins t-shirt she always sleeps in.
"Hey," Emily says, closing her book. "You okay?"
"I’m fine,” JJ tells her, "I just got home and realized I didn’t want to be there.” She moves further into the room and continues, “I wanted to be here.”
“JJ…”
“I know what we said about this being a bad idea,” JJ says, pulling her shirt up and over her head. “But I think we were wrong.”
“You do?” Emily asks, pushing herself up into a sitting position. She can't stop her gaze from lingering on JJ's torso; the black bra and firm stomach.
“Yeah," JJ confirms, throwing a leg over Emily's thighs and straddling her. "Things are already complicated.” Emily snorts lightly at that.
“So we can’t make anything worse?” She sobers and then asks, “you really want to do this?” She sounds a little uncertain but her hands have already found JJ’s thighs and are sliding up towards the curve of JJ’s ass.
“Yeah,” JJ nods. “Do you?”
“God, yes,” Emily sighs and JJ grabs the lapels of Emily’s pajama top and rolls over, pulling Emily down half on top of her. Their lips meet in a languid kiss, Emily’s knee settling between JJ’s thighs as their legs tangle together.
Emily’s hand slides over the smooth material of JJ's bra, cupping her breast; squeezing softly as JJ’s tongue probes her mouth. JJ’s hand moves underneath Emily’s top, skimming up and down her back slowly; it starts her hips off in a matching rhythm. Emily groans, sinking down further into JJ.
“I want you,” JJ murmurs breathlessly, hands squeezing between them to unbutton Emily’s top. “So much,” she adds, rolling them over until she’s on top, straddling Emily as she sits up and unfastens her bra. Emily watches her intently, pushing herself up until their breasts crush together, then pulling JJ back down on top of her as she breathes:
“Me, too.”
//
There’s nothing unusual about seeing them together. They’ve always worked closely; always been as much friends as colleagues. It’s nothing out of the ordinary when JJ walks up to Emily in the bullpen and stands close to her, focusing on the case file she’s holding in her hands.
Then JJ turns her head a little and says:
“I want to kiss you.” It’s so low and so casual that Emily almost chokes on air. She gives her a slightly panicked look and JJ adds, finally lifting her eyes, “I won’t. I just thought you should know that I want to.”
“Oh, well,” Emily starts, letting out a breath that almost sounds like a chuckle. “Thanks.” JJ smiles, touching Emily’s arm, and it’s subtle but unmistakably flirty. She turns and heads towards her office, then adds with a backwards glance:
“Briefing in five.”
//
“Ow. Fuck.”
“Sorry,” JJ cringes, reaching behind Emily to rub where her bare back slammed into the doorway.
"Whose idea was it to not have sex on the road anyway?" Emily asks, trying to unbuckle JJ’s holster. JJ’s brow arches up and she says flatly:
"We agreed but – yours."
"Oh,” Emily stops for a moment. “Well,” her hands resume their earlier movement and she reasons, “that was before I knew this case would drag out for three days."
JJ chuckles as Emily gently drops her weapon to the floor.
//
“You don’t choose who you fall in love with.”
//
Emily’s propped up in her bed with the TV on low. The soft glow flickers over her face; over JJ’s, who’s curled up next to her, sound asleep since the Top Ten List.
JJ shifts, bare leg rubbing against Emily’s; falling between Emily’s legs. Emily moans softly at the contact. Her hand runs up and down JJ’s back, going a little lower each time until her hand’s resting on the curve of JJ’s ass. With her thumb, she fingers the waistband of JJ’s shorts, subtly trying to wake her.
“Mmphf,” JJ murmurs, burying her face in the crook of Emily’s neck, breathing deep and even. Chuckling to herself, Emily kisses the top of JJ’s head and turns her attention back to Letterman.
//
“Has anyone talked to Emily yet?”
“She was gone before I heard the news.”
//
“Are you okay?”
“Ah, I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll call an ambulance.”
*
“Hey.” JJ’s smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “How’s your head?”
“Hurts,” Emily tells her, “but I’m fine.” JJ brings her hand up to the side of Emily’s head, cradling it gently; she chuckles affectionately.
“Good thing you’re so hard-headed.”
“Listen,” Emily begins, shying away from JJ’s touch, “would you mind if I went home alone tonight?” JJ frowns slightly; she knows it’s not really a question, just Emily’s way of telling her she’s already made a decision.
“No,” JJ shakes her head instead of protesting. “You should have some quiet so you can get some rest.”
-
Emily stares out her window. She can see the Capitol Building in the distance; see her own weary reflection in the glass. Frowning, she pulls her cell out of her pocket and hits speed dial. JJ answers it in the middle of the second ring.
“Hey. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Emily says and sighs. “I just – I was being selfish. And I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” JJ tells her. “You came back.”
“I know I should’ve talked to you first. I’m just – “ Emily breaks off and breathes in sharply, “bad at needing people; at showing it.” JJ’s quiet for so long that Emily wonders if they’ve been disconnected. Finally, she hears:
“Do you need me?”
“Yeah,” Emily says after a moment, voice soft. “I do.”
//
JJ’s walking through the parking garage to her car. Her cell phone goes off and she rummages through her bag for it. She sees Will’s name on the caller ID and presses the phone to her ear.
“Hey.”
“Hey, yourself,” he responds. “I’ve got a weekend off; I was thinking of flying up. What do you think?”
“Don’t,” JJ answers all too quickly, nearly dropping the phone. She recovers fast and says, “I mean, I’ll fly down.”
“You sure?” Will sounds surprised. He’s not the only one.
“Yeah,” JJ tells him, “there’s more to do there.”
//
JJ’s standing in front of the window, hands folded across her chest, gazing out into the parking lot that’s illuminated by the flashing motel sign, watching as the rain pours down. She feels a hand on her shoulder and jumps; turns to see Emily standing behind her, looking concerned.
“I’m sorry,” Emily says sincerely. “I just – I’m done in the bathroom.” JJ presses her lips together, ponytail bobbing up and down as she nods.
“Thanks.”
She stands in front of the mirror, arms braced against the sink. She inhales deeply, trying to keep herself steady; keep her emotions in check. It’s always been hard, but lately it’s been getting harder.
When she emerges from the bathroom, Emily’s already in one of the beds. She hesitates and Emily lifts up the blankets, arms spread invitingly, as she says:
“Come here.”
With a comforted sigh, JJ crosses the room and climbs onto the bed. She settles against Emily, head resting on Emily’s shoulder, as Emily wraps the covers around her.
“It’s okay,” Emily says softly and JJ turns, burying her face in the crook of Emily’s neck because it’s not . Emily runs her hand up and down JJ’s back, trying to soothe her. She can feel JJ’s tears dampen her skin but she remains stoic. It’s more than compartmentalizing, she knows; more than protecting herself.
Sometimes she wonders if she’s even capable of feeling what JJ does.
*
“And I need to know that I can be human.”
//
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“They’re good people. Carrie’s family.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
“I think it’s a good idea, though.”
“What’s that?”
“You. Kids. I can see it.”
“Yeah?”
JJ nods.
//
“Okay, ladies,” Emily smiles, carrying a pitcher of beer in one hand and three stacked glasses in the other. “Booze is here.”
“I love you, Emily Prentiss,” Garcia says, eagerly taking a glass as soon as Emily fills it. “And I’m not the only one.”
“Pen,” JJ warns. Garcia’s been trying to wheedle them for weeks now; trying to get details out of them, but they’ve been painstakingly careful to keep their private life separate from the team. The Oracle may see and know all, but she hasn’t quite mastered the art of mind reading.
“I’m just saying,” Garcia shrugs and downs a mouthful. JJ rolls her eyes and follows suit. Emily just watches them and laughs, enjoying having a rare night off; a rare night out.
Suddenly, JJ hops off her stool and grins.
“Who’s up for darts? Pen?”
Garcia stops mid-sip. Eye wide, she looks at JJ, then Emily; shakes her head inconspicuously and Emily has to stifle a chuckle at how panicked she looks.
“Jayj,” Emily cuts in, “why don’t you challenge those guys to a game? Show ‘em what’s what. We’ll watch from here.”
“Okay,” JJ agrees easily and finishes the rest of her beer in a big gulp. “Somebody’s about to get schooled.”
“Okay,” Garcia starts once JJ’s out of earshot, “if I didn’t think JJ would mind, I would not be above performing sexual favors right now.”
Emily laughs loudly at that and reaches for her beer.
“I know she can get a little competitive, but, I don’t know, it’s kind of cute.” Garcia watches as Emily’s eyes follow JJ across the room; she’s getting better at the mind reading thing.
“You, dear Emily, are smitten.”
“What?” Emily turns to look at her.
“You know what,” Garcia smirks. “You’re smitten with our girl over there. Don’t worry,” she continues off Emily’s reaction, lowering her voice conspiratorially, “I won’t tell.”
//
Emily squeezes JJ’s wrist – a silent, “hey, I’m here” – and JJ’s hand turns over, gratefully clutching Emily’s.
*
Emily watches from a distance as JJ talks to Garcia; as they hug fiercely. Then JJ heads in her direction and Emily feels her chest tighten. JJ hasn’t looked so quiet, so empty, since…
Since Georgia.
She thinks she might be more afraid of that than JJ is.
“Hey,” JJ says softly. “Morgan’s gonna make sure she gets home okay.”
“Good,” Emily nods. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine,” JJ tells her. “Glad it’s over.” Emily wants to reach out and touch her – hold her – but she knows she can’t. Instead, she inhales deeply and says:
“Come home with me. You shouldn’t be alone.”
-
Emily props herself up on her elbow, watching as JJ sleeps peacefully beside her. Gently, she picks up JJ’s hand; runs her thumb over the finger that unflinchingly pulled the trigger.
“Em.” JJ’s voice is soft, heavy with sleep. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Emily tells her. “I didn’t mean to wake you; I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
“How amazing you are.”
“I’m not amazing,” JJ scoffs lightly.
“You are,” Emily says insistently. “You’re so brave. You didn’t flinch.”
“It’s part of the job,” JJ responds.
“No,” Emily shakes her head, “it was more than that. If it was you in danger…” She trails off, unable to finish the thought, and JJ lets out a shaky sigh, because she knows what Emily was going to say.
“Come here,” she says urgently, cupping Emily’s face and pulling her closer. “Come here.”
//
“I couldn’t imagine having nothing left of someone but a voicemail. Think I’d never stop listening to it.”
//
JJ slips off her sneakers and pulls her shirt up and over her head. Her skin is flushed, body thrumming the way it always does after a run; at the sight of Emily asleep in her bed. She’s on her stomach, hands up under the pillow, and her hair is mussed, splayed across her back.
The sheet comes up to Emily’s waist and JJ can’t help herself. She strips down to her underwear and climbs onto the bed; climbs onto Emily, sitting on the backs of her thighs. She leans forward, gathering Emily’s hair to the side, and kisses her bare shoulder.
"I'm trying to sleep." It's a groggy protest, half-muffled by the pillow pressed against Emily's face. Hair tickles Emily’s back and she squirms a little but ultimately can't move.
"I don't mind," JJ shrugs behind her, lips skimming over the bump of Emily's shoulder blade. "You can sleep through this, if you like," she continues with a smile as her hand traces up the outline of Emily's body. When she reaches the curve of a breast, her hand squeezes beneath them, and Emily lets out a moan.
“No fair,” she says, breath catching as JJ shifts on top of her. "I didn't get asleep until after midnight," she reminds JJ. "You were out like a light at 10:30 and I was considerate enough not to – " she breaks off as JJ toys with her nipple, "not to seduce you awake."
"Coffee," JJ offers her solution ardently. "I'll make you a vat of coffee." Emily's only response is to turn, burying her face in the pillow, because JJ's other hand is suddenly pressed against her stomach and traveling lower. Emily groans and squirms under her. "I have an FBI Agent at my mercy," JJ chuckles appreciatively. "Hot."
"Okay," Emily sighs, struggling to twist under JJ's weight until they're eye to eye, “you win.” JJ smiles triumphantly and bends forward, hovering over Emily.
“Next time?” she breathes hotly against Emily’s mouth. “You can wake me.”
//
“If you stop caring, you’re jaded. If you care too much, it ruins you.”
*
There’s a knock and JJ looks up from the file she’s been reading to find Emily in the doorway.
“Hey. I thought you went out with the team.”
“I did,” Emily nods, “but I figured you’d be working late. I thought maybe you could use some company.” She takes a brown paper bag from under her arm and holds it up, grinning as she adds, “I brought beer.”
JJ sits back in her chair and exhales slowly. She musters up a smile and says:
“I guess I could use a break.”
Emily puts the bag down on a stack of folders and takes a seat across from JJ.
"You okay?" she asks.
"Yeah," JJ says after a moment. “I’m getting there.”
"Good,” Emily nods once. “You took this case hard."
JJ sighs, frustrated with herself.
"I take them all hard; that's the problem."
"JJ…” Emily starts.
“I need to learn to compartmentalize better,” JJ says, suddenly leaning forward, bracing her elbows on her desk. “Like you.”
“No,” Emily shakes her head, nearly laughing. “That’s the last thing you should do.” JJ’s brows furrow; she can’t understand why anyone would choose to feel like this.
“Why?”
“Because,” Emily shrugs and sighs; says the only thing she can think of. “You’re JJ.”
//
“I don’t know if this is such a good idea.”
Emily looks over and sees the pained expression on Garcia’s face. She reaches out and gives Garcia’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
“Come on, Garcia,” she says, “it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.”
“No,” Garcia shakes her head. “I mean coming with those two.” She points to JJ and Morgan, who are talking animatedly about technique and the proper stance and which gun offers more accuracy and less recoil. “They’re too competitive.”
Emily laughs at that but, yeah, things have gotten out of hand before. They’ve already been banned from one paintball field.
“Don’t worry,” she says, “I know how to handle JJ.”
Garcia can barely stop laughing long enough to shoot back:
“I bet you do.”
-
”Hey,” Emily smiles and cocks her head to the side. “They’re certainly having fun.” JJ turns and sees Morgan pressed against Garcia’s back, hands holding hers steady as she points the gun in front of her.
“Yeah,” JJ laughs. “It’s good to see her enjoying herself.”
“What about you?” Emily asks.
“I did,” JJ answers with a broad grin. “It was fun kicking Morgan’s ass.”
“Thank God he’s a better loser than you are,” Emily comments wryly and JJ mock gasps at that, feigning offense. “Don’t give me that look, JJ,” she continues, pointing a finger at her. “You’re way too competitive. You always have to come out on top.”
Conceding Emily’s point, JJ shrugs and says lowly:
“You weren’t complaining last night.”
//
“Em,” JJ half-heartedly protests as Emily’s arms snake around her from behind. “We have to be in the office in an hour.”
“Plenty of time,” Emily murmurs, nipping at her neck. JJ turns, twisting easily in Emily’s arms, and looks pointedly at her.
“I need to wash my hair.”
“I can help,” Emily offers, hand sliding along JJ’s slick body. JJ presses her lips together, eyebrow arching, and says flatly:
“Not that hair.”
Emily pulls back, a broad smile on her face, and asks:
“Can’t we do both?”
JJ rolls her eyes but pulls Emily in for a kiss anyway.
*
"Sometimes a girl just wants to wash her hair."
//
“I don’t know, sometimes I just wonder…if we’re actually changing anything.”
*
It’s almost 3am when JJ finds Emily standing in front of the picture window, arms curled protectively around her body. JJ stands next to her, hand gently touching the small of Emily’s back; the silk of Emily’s robe is cool against her fingertips.
“Em,” JJ says softly. It takes a moment for Emily to register she’s there; to turn and look at her, and when she does, JJ continues, “you okay?” Emily looks back out the window, staring out at the dark city, and asks softly:
“How do you do it?” Clarifying, she adds, “deal with these feelings; the doubt.” JJ sighs, because these feelings are all too familiar to her and she doesn’t have any answers.
“I struggle with it every day,” she tells her. “There’s no easy way. You just do.” Emily exhales, deep and slow. There’s a frown tugging at her lips.
“I don’t like feeling like this.”
“I know,” JJ says, palm sliding up and down Emily’s back. “But you’re not alone.” For a few moments, all JJ can hear is Emily’s breathing. Finally, she says, “come back to bed.”
“I can’t sleep, JJ,” Emily shakes her head. She feels JJ’s hands on her shoulders and then JJ’s turning her so they’re facing each other.
“Who said anything about sleeping?” JJ lifts herself up on the balls of her feet, but Emily turns her head and JJ’s lips land on her cheek.
“It’s not a good idea, JJ,” Emily says. JJ drops her hands to her sides and looks up at Emily, brows furrowed.
“Why are you pulling away?”
“I just – “ Emily stops and sighs. “I’m sorry.“
“You get so close and then you pull away from me,” JJ tells her and Emily can’t bring herself to say it, but she knows.
//
“You’d make a cute couple.”
“You know what?”
*
“How was Miami?” Garcia asks, hooking her hip onto Emily’s desk.
“It was fine,” Emily responds distractedly and Garcia’s eyes narrow.
“Really?” she chirps. “Because I heard you pushed your girlfriend into the arms of another man.” Emily sighs audibly and gives Garcia a pointed look. Garcia shrugs and continues with, “Morgan told me JJ got lucky in Miami.”
“She’s not – “ Emily stops her protest because it sounds childish; and maybe JJ was anyway. “I didn’t have to push hard,” she says instead. “She obviously wanted to be with him.” Garcia’s eyes narrow at her.
“You shouldn’t have pushed at all.”
“I can’t be what JJ needs,” Emily tells her and then shrugs a shoulder. “He’s nice and uncomplicated.”
“Who said that’s what JJ needs?”
“Garcia,” Emily sighs, “it was never gonna work with us. At least this way, it doesn’t affect the team.” Garcia frowns at that.
“Guess you got it all figured out,” she says and Emily shakes her head.
“I don’t.”
//
Emily’s half dressed when the phone rings; she nearly trips reaching for it.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” It’s JJ. “I’m sorry to call so early – “
“Is everything okay?” Emily asks, immediately concerned. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” JJ tells her. “It’s just, a case. I need you.” She inhales sharply and amends, “uh, your opinion. Do you mind?”
Emily stops moving and sighs because JJ sounds so tentative and she hates that; hates that it’s her own doing.
“No, JJ,” she says sincerely, “I don’t mind.” She can hear JJ exhale slowly.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” Emily tells her gently. “I’ll be right there.”
//
“I’m pregnant.”
“Oh my God, JJ! Congratulations!”
“I’ve asked JJ to marry me.”
*
“Congratulations,” Emily says, forcing a slight smile. “Again.”
“Thanks, Em” JJ responds, looking up briefly to meet her eyes before going back to her report. Emily lingers in the doorway, watching her; unable to bring herself to leave. If JJ senses she’s still there, she’s not willing to acknowledge it.
“Are you happy?” Emily asks suddenly and JJ looks up at her, startled by the question. When her answer comes, it’s painfully honest.
“Sometimes.”
“Only sometimes?” Emily tilts her head, regarding her, but JJ doesn’t – can’t, chooses not to – elaborate. “You love him, though?” JJ nods once, but says:
“He’s a great guy.”
“He is,” Emily agrees all too easily. “When’s the big day?” JJ puts her pen down and makes it a point to meet Emily’s eyes.
“I didn’t say yes.”
“Yet?” Emily asks and JJ doesn’t know what to make of her hopeful tone.
“Em,” she says and lets out a sharp breath that almost sounds like a laugh, “you pushed me towards him. You made the choice for me.”
“Yeah,” Emily nods stiffly, “I know.” She shrugs her shoulders and says, “I thought you’d be happier. I was wrong. Isn’t that what you wanted me to admit?”
“It’s bad timing,” JJ tells her. “I have to think about the baby.”
“JJ,” Emily starts, moving closer.
“I really do – “ JJ breaks off, unable to finish the sentence. “But we can’t.”
//
Emily!
Thank God you’re okay.
*
“Thanks,” JJ says as Emily hands her a bottle of water.
“JJ,” Emily sighs, “I know things have been – “ she stops, searching for the right word, “strained with us lately, but – we were friends, before all this, and I don’t want to lose that.”
“I don’t either,” JJ responds, letting out a deep breath. She looks over her shoulder, then back to Emily, and says, “I should get back.” Emily nods, watching her go. Before JJ can get too far, Emily calls out after her.
“Jen?” Her voice is soft and JJ stops and turns around. Emily looks at her thoughtfully for a moment, fingers twisting together, and then says, “I’m happy if you’re happy.”
//
“I can take it.”
*
Emily’s barely inside her apartment when she hears a knock on the door. It takes her a long moment to drop her bag and turn around, and before she can undo the lock, there’s another knock; a series of frantic raps.
When she opens the door, JJ’s standing there, looking worn out and worried. Her breath catches when she sees the bruise on Emily’s face. She doesn’t have to tone down her reaction when it’s just the two of them.
“God,” JJ exhales shakily, lifting her hand. It hovers tentatively near Emily’s cheek as she says, “I was so scared.”
“I’m okay, though,” Emily tells her, expression firm. “I did what I had to.”
“I know,” JJ says, dropping her hand.
“Do you want to come in?” Emily asks.
“Yeah,” JJ nods. She walks to the kitchen as Emily locks the door behind her.
“Do you want something to drink,” Emily starts, moving towards the refrigerator, “or – “
“Em,” The tone in JJ’s voice makes Emily turn to her and she’s surprised to find JJ so close to her; surprised when JJ cups her face and pulls her into a kiss. It quickly turns needy – desperate – and Emily leans into her, stomach pressed against the full swell of JJ’s.
“We can’t – “ Emily breathes. “You said we can’t.”
“I know,” JJ says but doesn’t stop kissing her, “I know.” For a minute, Emily allows herself to get lost in the feel of JJ’s mouth on hers; JJ’s hands on her.
“Wait, JJ,” Emily says firmly, pushing JJ away and holding her at arm’s length. “What is this?”
“I told him no,” JJ replies after a moment. “I can’t marry him.”
“You can’t?” Emily asks and JJ sighs; shakes her head.
“I don’t love him, Em.”
//
“I know there’s a lot to figure out,” JJ says, twisting her fingers through Emily’s. “It’s not gonna be easy.”
“When are things ever?” Emily asks with a short laugh.
“Will wants to be a part of the baby’s life,” JJ continues, turning her head so she can look at Emily, “and I want that too.”
“I don’t – I wouldn’t get in the way of that, Jayj,” Emily tells her.
“I know,” JJ says. She rolls onto her side and tugs on Emily until they’re kissing again, this time longer and slower.
//
“Agent Jareau has told me so much about you. You must be Agent Prentiss.”
*
Emily pops her head into JJ’s office, brow arched as she feigns irritation.
“Just what have you been telling Jordan about me?” JJ looks up at her and can’t keep the grin from her face.
“That’s a secret among press liaisons,” she says.
“So, dirty stuff?” Emily matches JJ’s smile and JJ laughs, eyes rolling.
“Yeah, I’ve been telling my replacement about that thing you do with your tongue.”
“I thought so,” Emily smirks. Pointing up with her index finger, she continues, “you’re lucky Garcia couldn’t hear that.”
“She’d choke on her Dr. Pepper,” JJ laughs. Still grinning, Emily cocks her head to the side.
“You want to get some dinner?”
“Yeah,” JJ nods, “I’d love to.” She looks around her office, at the haphazard stacks covering every available surface, and sighs. “This is about as organized as it’ll get.”
“Don’t worry,” Emily tells her lightly. “I’ll check in on Jordan; make sure she doesn’t get lost in it all.”
//
“This doesn’t freak you out?”
“What?” Emily asks, looking over, and JJ’s only response is a wry glance at her stomach. “Oh, wow,” Emily chuckles, “when did this happen?”
“Emily,” JJ scowls, rolling her eyes, and Emily sobers; covers JJ’s stomach with her hands and rubs through the material of her shirt.
“It doesn’t freak me out.” She leans forward and kisses JJ’s cheek. “I think you’re beautiful,” she continues, lips trailing down JJ’s neck.
“Yeah, right,” JJ scoffs.
“Hey,” Emily says and pulls back, “you are. If you weren’t,” she continues, lips ghosting over JJ’s, “would I want to do this?” She presses her mouth to JJ’s, capturing JJ’s bottom lip between her own; tongue tracing along it teasingly.
It takes her a few seconds to realize JJ isn’t kissing her back.
“Jayj,” Emily sighs. “What’s wrong?” JJ glares at her, folding her arms across her chest.
“You’re only saying that because you want to have sex.”
“I’m saying it because it’s true,” Emily tells her, hand reassuringly on JJ’s elbow. “I don’t want to have sex.”
“Really?” JJ asks, unconvinced.
“Really,” Emily nods. She pulls away and settles back against the pillows. “We can just sit here and read.” To make her point, she picks up a book and opens it; barely gets a chance to focus on the words before JJ snaps it shut.
“I don’t want to read.”
*
“Come on, you look great.”
“That’s what I keep telling her!”
//
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am not a doctor. I don't even play one on TV, but I believe young JJ is going into labor.”
//
“Hey.” Emily can’t stop the smile from spreading on her face. “What are you doing here?”
“Bringing Henry in for a visit,” JJ says, lifting the car seat a little higher so Emily can catch a glimpse of him asleep. “Garcia’s been hounding me.”
“It’s easier to just give in right away,” Emily comments dryly.
“Pretty much,” JJ chuckles.
“Need help?” Emily asks.
“I’ve got him, thanks,” JJ tells her. “I should go find everyone,” she continues, thumb hooking in the direction of the conference room.
“JJ?” Emily calls out and JJ looks back at her. Emily brings her hands together, squeezing the tips in what JJ’s come to realize is a nervous tick. “We miss you around here.”
There’s a smile ghosting over JJ’s face as she nods.
“Me, too.”
//
“I’ve missed you,” Emily says lowly. “Missed being with you like this.”
“Me too,” JJ gasps and pulls Emily closer.
Just then, Henry starts crying.
Emily pulls back; pushes herself up onto her knees and lets out a heavy breath.
“Shit,” JJ sighs, sitting up. “I’m sorry.”
“No,” Emily says, “it’s okay. Go to him.” JJ scoots towards the edge of the bed and stands, straightening her shirt as she hurries out of the room and across the hall. Emily presses her palms against her thighs, taking a cleansing breath.
The crying stops, then starts again, and Emily climbs off the bed. She stands in the doorway, watching as JJ cradles Henry against her body, jiggling him gently to try and get him to quiet down. She turns and meets Emily’s eyes, frowning slightly.
“You should go, Em,” she says. “No sense in both of us not getting any sleep.”
Emily lets out a puff of breath, lips curling up into a wry smile as she says:
“Why? We’ve done it before.”
JJ stops at that, cheeks reddening. She inhales sharply and starts swaying her arms again as meets Emily’s eyes.
“This is different.”
Emily nods slowly, trying to be understanding even though her body aches.
“Then I’ll go home,” she tells JJ with a wry smile, “and take another cold shower.”
“Emily,” JJ sighs.
“I was being facetious,” Emily assures her. “Sorry, my sense of humor is a little wonky right now.”
“I’m sorry,” JJ replies. “I know we haven’t had – “ she pauses to smirk at Emily’s raised eyebrow, “a lot of alone time, but – “
“I’m not complaining, JJ,” Emily tells her, holding her hands up as she crosses the nursery. “I get it.” She leans in and kisses the side of JJ’s mouth. “I’ll call you.” She brings her hand up to the back of Henry’s head, fingers grazing the blanket lightly as she says softly, “bye, Henry.”
*
“A romantic opportunity may experience a slight hitch thanks to the pesky lunar influence which could have you dipping into a rather chilly mood. If being demonstrative and warm is difficult, then neutralize this temporary cold front with a simple but affectionate gesture.”
*
“Hey,” Emily says, putting her hand on JJ’s shoulder. She lets it slide down JJ’s back, rubbing affectionately, and JJ’s eyes flutter closed.
“I’m sorry about last night,” she says softly and Emily can’t help but enjoy the contented sigh that follows.
“I’m sorry about this morning,” she counters and JJ lets out a throaty chuckle.
“Well, you’ve been a little on edge lately. I’m sure Garcia understands.”
//
“They thought I was a bad influence.”
“You?”
”Yeah.”
*
Emily’s hands are buried in the pockets of her coat. Her breath comes out in a white puff as she exhales slowly. She’s lost track of how long she’s been walking, but the snow is coming down steadier now, thinly blanketing the city.
She unlocks the car waiting for her; starts it and sits there for a moment, waiting for the wipers to clear off the windshield. She drives in silence, not letting herself think of anything beyond the road in front of her; where to make the turn into JJ’s driveway.
It’s late, but there’s a light on inside. She knocks hesitantly, mind starting to reel, and by the time JJ opens the door, she’s entirely certain it’s a bad idea.
”Em?” JJ’s brows furrow with concern. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry,” Emily says by way of response. “I shouldn’t have come.”
“Hey,” JJ reaches for her and feels Emily’s coat wet under her fingers. “You must be freezing. Come in.”
“I don’t want to – “ she starts but stops herself; asks instead, “where’s Henry?”
“Upstairs, asleep,” JJ says, guiding Emily inside; locking the door behind her.
“And Will?” Emily turns to look at JJ, eyebrow raised.
“He’s not here,” JJ shakes her head. She closes the gap between them and reaches under Emily’s coat, pushing it off her shoulders. Her hands are warm against Emily’s body and Emily blinks slowly, going through the motions as JJ maneuvers her out of her coat; over to the couch.
She encourages Emily to sit and then grabs a blanket, draping it around Emily’s shoulders. She sits, too, and angles towards Emily, regarding her curiously.
“What are you doing out so late?”
“Walking,” Emily answers automatically. “I went for a walk. To think. Then I drove home.”
“And you ended up here instead?” JJ asks, smiling slightly. Emily looks down, embarrassment taking over, and opens her mouth to speak; starts to stand before anything comes out.
“I should go. This was a bad idea.”
“Emily,” JJ says gently. “ Emily ,” she emphasizes to get Emily’s attention and Emily stops what she’s doing and meets JJ’s eyes. JJ touches her arms and guides her back down onto the couch. She pulls the towel more securely around Emily and says, “let me take care of you.”
“Why?” Emily can’t stop herself from asking, even though she knows why. She knows why, even if they’ll never say it.
“Because you need it,” is what JJ says instead. “Because you took care of me.”
//
“Hey,” Emily says, a little out of breath, “what was so important? Your message was pretty cryptic.”
“Come in,” JJ says, reaching for Emily’s hand and tugging her inside.
“What’s going on?” Emily asks with a bemused chuckle; then her eyes sweep around. The room is dim, quiet; there’s a bottle of wine and a single glass on the table.
“Will has Henry for the night,” JJ explains. “I thought we could…” From the smile on Emily’s face, she knows it’s not necessary to continue. “You’re an easy sell,” JJ laughs. “Want some wine?”
“No,” Emily answers so quickly that JJ laughs again. “No,” she shakes her head and reaches for JJ, “just – come here.” She pulls JJ to her, arms instantly wrapping around her torso, and JJ grabs Emily’s shoulders, pulling herself up until their lips meet.
Emily reaches under JJ’s t-shirt and cups her breast, the other reaching around to squeeze her ass, and JJ laughs at her enthusiasm as they almost topple over.
“Easy,” JJ says and starts to push Emily down the hall, unbuttoning and removing her shirt, then bra, as they go. They stumble into the bedroom and JJ opens Emily’s pants and hooks her fingers under the waistband of Emily’s panties, shoving them both down; shoving Emily onto the bed so she can take them off all the way.
“Oh,” Emily laughs as she bounces on the mattress, caught off guard, “you’re certainly aggressive tonight.” When JJ looks up at her, brow raised, Emily adds, “that wasn’t a complaint, that was admiration.”
“Good,” JJ says, pulling her shirt up and over her head quickly; dropping her shorts next. She kneels onto the bed between Emily’s legs, moving up further, prompting Emily to scoot backwards until her head can rest against the pillows.
JJ leans forward, hovering over Emily on all fours. Her hair, shorter now, falls forward; brushes Emily’s bare shoulders when JJ leans down to kiss her. Emily reaches around her, flattening her palms against JJ’s back, fingers dancing along the elastic of JJ’s underwear.
JJ stops when she feels Emily’s hand between her legs, cupping her through her panties, and tells her gently:
“Not yet.”
She kisses her way down Emily’s body – her neck, the valley between her breasts, her stomach. Her hands reach up to cup Emily’s breasts and Emily covers JJ’s hands with her own, encouraging her.
“I’ve been neglecting you,” JJ says softly, moving down further so that her lips can trail along the inside of Emily’s thigh teasingly, “and I’m very sorry.”
“You’re forgiven.”
//
“That’s small town life for you. Your business is everybody’s business.”
*
“Hey,” Emily says, hand lightly touching the small of JJ’s back momentarily before reaching for an empty mug. “How was your weekend?”
“Oh God,” JJ sighs and scrunches her face up.
“That well, huh?” Emily chuckles.
“You know I love my family,” JJ tells her, “but I felt gossiped about the entire time. And judged.” Emily pours herself some coffee, glancing over at JJ, and asks:
“You sure you weren’t imagining it?”
“Emily,” JJ begins wearily, “one woman came up to me and said she was sorry for my loss.”
“Your loss?” Emily questions, brows knit together.
“She thought I was widowed,” JJ responds, deadly serious.
“Oh,” Emily says. “Ouch.” JJ scoffs lightly at that and says:
“Yeah.”
//
JJ rolls down the driver’s side window and smiles as Emily walks up to the car. The garage is deserted and Emily reaches in, elbows braced against the door. She takes JJ’s hand in hers and laces their fingers together, nearly sighing as she says:
“I’ve been dying to do this.”
“This?” JJ smirks, mildly surprised. “Not other things?”
“Those too,” Emily responds wryly. “But mostly this.” She punctuates it by squeezing JJ’s hand between both of hers. “I have to remind myself that I can’t just reach out and touch you; that it’s not okay when we’re on a case.”
“I’ve found that sitting on my hands works rather well,” JJ comments and Emily can’t help but laugh. “It’s worth it, though,” she continues. “Giving up that freedom so we don’t have to give up anything else.”
“I know,” Emily agrees. JJ glances at her watch and reluctantly disentangles her hand from Emily’s.
“I should get going,” she says. “Stop by tonight?”
“You sure?” Emily asks. “You must miss Henry and I’d understand if – “
“Em,” JJ says with an affectionate sigh, “you’re in his life too.”
“Okay,” Emily relents with a slight smile and takes a few steps back. “I’ll see you later.”
//
“Do you have kids?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you know. You make a promise to protect them.”
-
“Hey there,” JJ smiles as Will shifts Henry into her arms. She holds him close to her chest with one arm and her free hand lightly touches Henry’s hand. When his fingers wrap around her index finger, she lets out a sound that Will isn’t sure is a laugh or a sob.
“You okay?” he asks gently.
“Yeah,” JJ tells him. She sniffles and then looks up at him and nods. “I just needed some time with my little guy.”
“I’ll let you have it,” Will says. He puts his hand gently on her shoulder and slides it down her back as he walks around her and out of the nursery.
“I really missed you today,” JJ says softly, gazing down at Henry. She brings him closer, nuzzling her cheek against his forehead; drawing in a deep, calming breath. Looking at him again, she lets out a soft chuckle. “You wouldn’t believe the day I had.”
//
“What do you think this means? Living like this.”
“I think it means he’s stuck.”
//
“Am I naïve to wish that lying is never the right thing to do?”
//
Emily’s relaxing with a glass of wine when she hears the front door open. She twists around and sees the back of JJ’s head as she relocks the door.
“Hey,” she smiles and stands, rounding the couch. “What are you doing here?” JJ drops her bag on the counter and walks towards her, expression unreadable. She presses her lips together, moistening them, and then finally says:
“I told him.”
“JJ – “ Emily starts, but JJ raises her hand, cutting her off.
“I had to,” JJ says and sighs. “You were right; it wasn’t fair.” Emily reaches out and touches JJ’s arm at the elbow.
“How did he take it?”
“Oh,” JJ lets out a mirthless laugh, “about as well as expected.”
“I’m sorry,” Emily says, frown tugging at her lips.
“It’s okay,” JJ says even though her eyes are watery. “I couldn’t keep lying.”
“Hey,” Emily says, pulling JJ into a hug. She plants a lingering kiss on JJ’s temple. “I know you never wanted this.”
//
The plane is dark. Garcia’s head rests heavily on JJ’s shoulder; Emily’s sitting across from them. Everyone’s quiet, still reeling from the case; from the disturbing outcome. No matter how many times they go through it, it never gets any easier.
“I feel so – icky,” Garcia says dejectedly. “Like I want to take thirty showers.” JJ chuckles softly and asks:
“Why don’t you come home with us instead? Visit your godson.”
“Yeah,” Emily agrees and then smirks slightly. “Save some water.
“We’ll have a girls’ night in?” Garcia asks, visibly perking up at the thought.
“We’ll open some wine,” Emily tells her.
“And put on a mindlessly fun movie,” JJ adds.
“And eat pizza and junk food,” Emily finishes and Garcia eyes them both, struck by how good they are for her; how good they are for each other.
“You know what?” she asks, lips curling up into a grin. “I’m starting to feel better already.”
//
Epilogue
“You guys,” Emily says, adjusting her gray hat to block out the late afternoon sun, “it wasn’t that bad.”
“Not that bad?” Henry repeats with an exasperated sigh. “They were creamed.” Emily chuckles at his choice of words and reaches out to tug affectionately on the brim of his cap. He’s wearing a home jersey that’s two sizes too big; JJ’s is more feminine, fitted to accentuate her curves. The hem just brushes the waistband of her jeans, sitting snugly at her hips.
“They were,” JJ agrees. In addition to the matching jerseys, JJ and Henry are wearing identical pouts. Emily has long since given up on resisting either of them.
“How about some ice cream?” Emily asks. “Would that cheer you up?”
“Before dinner?” Henry’s eyes widen.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Emily responds with an easy smile. “Come on,” she says, stopping suddenly; hunching forward. “Hop on.” Henry does, arms wrapping around Emily’s neck, and she hooks her arms under his legs, hoisting him up higher.
“You sure know how to make him happy,” JJ says as Emily wraps an arm around her waist to draw her closer.
“I know how to make you happy, too,” Emily comments lowly, hand sliding into JJ’s back pocket and squeezing.
“Yes,” JJ laughs, mood instantly improving, “you do.”