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the CD makes an odd noise as it slides into the machine and the TV springs to life.
regulus spins around quickly, his back facing the tv as the video begins to play, and there’s five agonising seconds before someone begins to speak.
“hey reggie, so i wanted to get you something special for our anniversary… but i couldn’t find anything that um- conveyed? is that the right word? i don’t even know… anyways!! conveyed my love for you, so i put together a little somthing for you because i love you and i hope this is worth more than any silly gift i could have gotten”
regulus has turned around by now, eyes shining with un shed tears as he hears his loves voice for the first time since the accident.
oh james oh james oh james
regulus’ eyes flicked over every part of him, the way he was bouncing slightly in his chair as he spoke, the way his eyebrows scrunched in confusion as he tried to find the right words in the same way he had done since he was a kid, and his smile- oh his smile.
regulus let out a sob as the screen changed to an old video of him and james, they were probably about sixteen and seventeen in the video- the pair of them were laying on a blanket in the potter family’s backyard, although you couldn’t hear what the pair were saying, you could see them pointing up into the stars.
in the background you could hear remus and sirius giggling behind the camera, and regulus trembled from the force of his sobs.
“Blackbird singing in the dead of night”
oh
it was their song
and james.. james was singing it.
regulus knew james had a good voice, but he hadn’t known james could sound like this.
he wish he had known.
he wishes james would sing to him for the rest of his life.
tears are streaming down his face and as the video flicks to one of their wedding, and regulus has to gasp for air in order to stay afloat in the wave of grief.
“Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise”
regulus had been the one waiting at the end of the isle that day. sirius had walked him down the isle as his best man, remus on the other arm as james’ best man.
he couldn’t imagine feeling any happier than he was that day.
but as he chokes on his tears in an empty house, he wonders briefly if it would have been better to of never happend.
maybe then it wouldn’t have hurt this much.
the thought disgusts him moments later. of course it was worth it.
he would do it all over again in a heart beat.
he would feel this pain over and over if it meant he could feel his love again.
“Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free”
effie and monty had walked james down the aisle.
regulus remembers the way mrs potter eyes had shone as she watches her boy smile.
james had a smile full of sunlight, except if you stared at it for too long, instead of going blind you would simply fall in love.
he looked like the embodiment of sunflower that day, his dark hair perfectly messy as it always was, his glasses- his glasses…they were..
that day in the hospital raged in his mind.
words like brain dead and life support and gone filled his head.
the way james looked like he could be simply sleeping, but all of the tubes and plugs gave away what was really happening.
regulus hadn’t cried until that moment.
shock, they had told everyone else in the room, effie and monty, sirius and remus.
he had known they were crying.
but regulus didn’t feel anything. because james couldn’t be gone that wasn’t right.
“he’s sleeping guys? he’s just sleeping don’t cry?!” he had spoken slightly frantic,
monty was the one to move towards him, the only one that hadn’t had to sit down from the pain of regulus’ words.
“kid” he had sobbed, arms out as regulus crumbled into them, shaking his head as the tears began to flow down his face.
“no no no, he’s just sleeping it’s okay, monty it okay!”
it was choked and his voice seemed to fail him in the middle of the sentence.
he pulled away from the hug suddenly, and kneeled next to his husbands bed, gripping his hand tightly and gazing at james’ slightly pale face.
regulus noted with a punch to his gut that he was missing his glasses.
“where are his glasses??” he looked towards the doctor in the doorway of the hospital room, “he can’t see without his glasses”
the room was filled with agonising sobs as regulus held his husbands face in two soft hands,
“put his glasses on!!!” regulus cries loudly, stroking james’ face again,
sirius steps forward as he starts to get louder, “PLEASE HE NEEDS THEM, PUT ON HIS GLASSES”
he barely registered the force of sirius’ sobs as he struggled in his grip.
the rest of the day was a blur, as were the next weeks, and months and likely years.
it was his husbands voice again that pulled him from the memory of that day.
“Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night”
regulus looked up again as the videos continued, ones of the pair giggling at something stupid the other did and ones of the midnight dance parties they had once they had bought their own house.
“Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night”
a video of their first dance.
“Blackbird singing in the dead of night”
a sideshow of photos began,
their many selfies, once where james had dragged him into the photo, big smiles as regulus stood unimpressed.
he wishes he could have told james that he loved when he would do that, that he only pretended so he would keep doing it.
“Take these broken wings and learn to fly”
one that effie had taken years ago, the pair of them snuggled up together on the couch.
oh how in love they were
“All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise”
their whole family on game night, sirius and regulus clearly arguing as remus and james laughed in the background, their parents huddled together as they took the selfie.
“You were only waiting for this moment to arise”
a picture he knew well, taken the morning after their wedding, himself wearing a ‘just married’ tiara as he stood shirtless in the kitchen, mid flipping a pancake with a smile on his face as james grinned into the camera, a matching tiara on his head as he threw up the peace sign in a photo they send to their friends.
“You were only waiting for this moment to arise”
the screen flicked back to james singing and strumming a guitar as the song ended.
“hope you enjoyed my love! i love you more than words can explain, happy two years!!- here’s to a million more!!”
the screen went black and regulus sobbed.
james please we didn’t have enough time!!! we needed more time it wasn’t enough please please
james please i can’t do this without you
he felt dizzy as he scrambled up from his spot on the floor
i need i need i need
his hands shook as he dialed the number.
it rang twice before she picked up
“hello?” effie spoke quickly, her voice making regulus sob loudly, unable to get a word out from the force of his despair flowing through his every vein.
“regulus darling?” she spoke again, and regulus finally found it in hun to choke out his words
“did you know- did you know he learnt our song?”
i miss him i miss him i want him back please please i need him.
the next voice that spoke wasn’t effie
“we’re on our way kid, sit tight” monty promised, hanging up the phone quickly after.
the five of them sat on the couch as the video began again.
the older potters had gathered sirius and remus aswell, and regulus couldn’t be move grateful for them.
the family watched the video fourteen times that night.
maybe it was because they missed his voice, or maybe they knew regulus needed this, but either way, one thing was certain
they just missed their james.