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“Come on!” Wooyoung whispered in a harsh voice. He tugged on San’s shirt hungrily.
Baseball practice had ended an hour ago. Wooyoung and San were fooling around in the locker room. Things were heating up, but San was a bit hesitant.
San rolled his eyes. “If you keep rushing me, I’m not putting out.”
Wooyoung scoffed, crashing their lips together. He pushed San onto a bench and sat on his lap. He bit San’s lower lip as they kissed and he groaned loudly - music to his ears.
“Keep your voice down.” Wooyoung said, hitting him.
“Why? We’re alone.” San said, pressing a kiss to Wooyoung’s shoulder.
“We’re alone for now. Someone could walk in.” Wooyoung said.
“Everyone left already. Practice ended an hour ago.”
“Just stop talking, San.” Wooyoung said.
San always talked too much, making Wooyoung’s mind run around in circles and his stomach turn in knots.
Oh but Wooyoung wanted him right here, right now.
He grabbed San by the collar, kissing him roughly. He didn’t give him a chance to react before he grabbed a fistful of San’s hair. His lips roamed San’s neck, leaving sloppy wet kisses. His grip on San’s waist tightened.
“Jesus, Woo.” San breathed out, chuckling a bit. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Maybe someday that would change
Wooyoung didn’t respond. Instead, he pulled San’s shirt over his head and threw it on the bench next to them. He was on San’s lap and the latter was relentless, never loosening his grip. His hands were in San’s hair now, running his fingers through the strands.
He wanted nothing more than to devour San and to give into his desires, but for whatever reason he held back. His heart was beating fast, could San feel it too? San wrapped his arms around Wooyoung, holding him closer than they were already. Wooyoung felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest.
“You… really want to do this here?” San asked, breathing hard into Wooyoung’s ear, sending chills down his spine.
Wooyoung grabbed San by his chin, their eyes meeting. “Is that even a question?”
He didn’t wait for San to reply as he kissed him long and hard to the point that San had to separate to catch his breath.
“I thought you were in a hurry.” San said, after he caught his breath.
“Things change.” Wooyoung said.
Wooyoung’s lips roamed to San’s neck then to his favorite spot - his collarbone. He took his time sucking on his skin there, leaving small bites. Hearing whimpers from San as he bit him, he was content. But he wanted to tease him more.
“You’re being loud, Sannie~” Wooyoung whispered in San’s ear.
“Shut up.” San said, biting on his own lip so he wouldn’t make any more noise.
Wooyoung took this as a challenge. His hands roamed more below, his fingers wrapping around San’s bulge. He unbuttoned San’s pants to see him in all his glory. Pretty, Wooyoung thinks.
“Such a fucking tease.” San breathed out, leaning his head back as Wooyoung rubbed him gently.
Wooyoung smirked.
“Jesus fuck.” San hissed.
San looked so pretty right now, it made Wooyoung want to mess him up even more. His quiet moans and heavy breathing were the only sounds in the room right now. God, he wanted to fuck him really badly.
Then all of the sudden, they heard a creaking sound of the door to the locker room opening.
Wooyoung froze and San swore under his breath, quickly buttoning his pants and getting up. They glanced at each other for a few seconds before Wooyoung pushed San into an open locker, shushing him before he could utter a sound. He wasn’t sure why he did that, but it was the only solution he could think of.
Wooyoung closed the locker so that San wouldn’t be seen and quickly put his shirt back on.
It was Yunho, another teammate, who walked in a moment later.
“Ah, it’s just you hyung. What- What are you doing here?” Wooyoung asked, trying to catch his breath.
“I could ask you the same thing. I just forgot something in my locker.” Yunho replied, pointing to his locker.
“Oh I see.” Wooyoung replied.
“I thought I heard more than one voice. Are you here alone?” Yunho asked, opening his locker. It was a few doors down where San was hiding, Wooyoung grew nervous. His heart was still beating a mile a minute.
He nodded, trying to act natural. “Yup, just me. I was talking to myself.”
“You okay? You look a bit flushed.” Yunho said, glancing at Wooyoung.
“I’m okay, just a bit tired from practice.” No doubt he looked pretty flustered.
Yunho nodded, he didn’t look convinced but he didn’t speak more on the issue. “San was pretty good today, wasn’t he?”
Why was he talking about San all of the sudden?
Wooyoung had to choose his words wisely because San was listening.
He cleared his throat before speaking, “Ah, yeah.”
“Do you know if he’s seeing anyone?”
Why did he want to know that out of the blue?
“Geez, I don’t know hyung.” Wooyoung replied, growing agitated.
Could he just leave already?
“Well I would think you of all people would know.” Yunho remarked. Something about his tone pissed Wooyoung off even more.
Why was he getting so annoyed?
“Me of all people?” Wooyoung asked.
“Come on, Wooyoung. You’ve been joined at the hip since forever.” Yunho jabbed Wooyoung’s stomach with his elbow.
“And that would mean I know if he’s fucking someone?” Wooyoung asked.
“I mean… He tells you everything, doesn’t he?” Yunho inquired, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.
“Do you have a point in there somewhere or are you always this meddlesome?” Wooyoung asked.
Yunho chuckled lightly. “You’re always so rude, damn. Anyway it’s nothing major, I just have a bit of a crush on him so I was thinking maybe I should ask him out. You know, he’s cute.”
Wooyoung couldn’t hide his shocked expression.
“What?” He asked.
The older scratched his head. “Yeah… But listen, don’t tell him I said that. Lord knows he would just tease me about it.”
“I- Um. Hmm.” Wooyoung couldn’t form a coherent sentence and he didn’t know why.
“Wooyoung?” Yunho asked, sounding concerned.
“Sorry, right. Your secret’s safe with me.” Wooyoung mumbled.
“I should get going.” Yunho said, giving Wooyoung a small wave.
“Yeah, okay. Bye hyung.” Wooyoung waved back, wanting nothing more than to crawl into a hole and never come out.
Wooyoung let out a sigh of relief as Yunho left. He opened the locker that San was in. His expression was unreadable.
He crossed his arms. “Did you really have to shove me in a locker?”
“It’s all I could think of to do!” Wooyoung exclaimed probably a little too loudly, throwing his hands up in the air.
San chuckled a bit, ruffling Wooyoung’s hair. “It’s okay, Woo. You don't have to get upset.”
“I’m not upset.”
“It’s written all over your face. You're upset that he interrupted us, right? It’s fine. Come over to my place and we can continue where we left off, yeah?”
Why wasn’t he addressing the elephant in the room?
Wooyoung shook his head.
“No?”
“The moment’s gone, let’s move on.” Wooyoung said.
San scratched his head. “Okay…”
Wooyoung was getting ready to leave but San grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks.
“About what Yunho hyung said…” San started.
There it is
“Yeah?” Wooyoung asked, glancing in San’s direction. For some reason, he couldn’t look him in the eyes.
“What do you think? Should I go out with him?” San asked.
“Why are you asking me?” Wooyoung asked.
San shrugged. “I don't know. I guess I value your opinion for some reason.”
That statement made Wooyoung want to hurl. He almost didn’t want to reply but San just continued to glance at him, waiting for a response.
“Do whatever you want. It doesn’t matter to me.” Wooyoung said, waving his hands dismissively, after a few seconds of silence.
It couldn’t be farther from the truth, but he couldn't admit that.
San grabbed Wooyoung's hand, surprising him. This gesture was a bit out of character for him, Wooyoung didn’t know what to think. He pulled Wooyoung towards him. He cupped his face, kissing him. Wooyoung wanted to scream.
What was this feeling? How many times have they kissed and it didn’t mean anything? Why did it mean something now? His touch felt different somehow, Wooyoung couldn’t put his finger on it and it drove him insane.
It was a few days later, Wooyoung couldn’t get San out of his head. He could not focus at all.
He had a meeting with the baseball team later that afternoon, but he couldn’t pay attention for longer than a minute. His eyes wandered to San, without fail.
Mingi, the manager of the team, sat next to him. Wooyoung himself wasn’t really close to the guy. But San was. They would whisper things to each other throughout the meeting and laugh to themselves in hushed tones.
He watched Mingi as he put his arm around San, and San would have the biggest smile on his face. Wooyoung hated that. He was jealous, but he’d never admit that.
San noticed, of course he did. He was loving the attention a little too much. When their eyes met, San would make a face or mouth the words “pay attention you dummy.” But even that made Wooyoung flustered. It was hard to look away.
Wooyoung couldn’t help it though. He was drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
Why was he so obsessed over San all of the sudden?
They've been sleeping together for over a year. It was supposed to be no feelings, no strings attached. But now? Why was it different?
Sure, they've known each other since childhood. Of course, they knew everything about each other and stuck to each other like glue. But that was a given because they were best friends, just best friends. Nothing more and nothing less.
Wooyoung was okay with this. It’s what they had agreed on, right?
A hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality. It was San. Wooyoung got spooked and jumped a little, swearing under his breath.
“Woah there, Woo. Everything okay?”
Wooyoung nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.”
A total lie.
San leaned in closer, his lips basically touching Wooyoung’s ear. “Meeting’s over. Do you want to get out of here ?”
His breath on Wooyoung’s skin sent shivers down his spine. His cheeks grew hot.
Wooyoung knew immediately what he was really asking. But he couldn’t bring himself to say yes. What if he does something stupid like admit San has been on his mind all day? Or that he’s looking at him differently?
“Actually, today’s no good. How about a rain check?” Wooyoung asked, packing up his things.
“Huh, this is the first time you've asked for a rain check. Are you sure everything’s okay?” San asked, growing concerned.
“Yup, no need to worry about little ol’ me.” Wooyoung said.
He shook his head. What was he going on about? He sounded like a babbling fool.
“Who said I was worried about you?” San asked.
“Then why’d you ask?” Wooyoung rolled his eyes. “Whatever, I’m leaving.”
“Wait, Woo.” San tapped Wooyoung’s shoulder.
“What do you want?”
“I was just teasing you, you know.” San said.
Wooyoung couldn’t help but soften up a little. San had that effect on him.
“I know.” Wooyoung replied.
“Then are we cool?” San asked.
“We’re cool.” Wooyoung nodded, although he didn’t mean it.
“Okay, great. I’ll see you later.” San said, ruffling Wooyoung’s hair before leaving the classroom.
He was trying his best to keep his feelings to himself, but he was failing miserably. Why couldn’t he get San out of his mind? Rather than running away like he always does, he wanted nothing more than to run into his arms.
Wooyoung went to the batting cages after his last class, it’s what helped him whenever he was having a tough time dealing with his emotions. It happened often, but usually he was able to get over it pretty quickly. He feared that this was something that wasn’t going away.
He took a swing at the incoming ball but missed. Swearing under his breath, he changed his position in hopes of getting the next one.
Nope, he missed that one too.
Fuck.
And he kept missing and kept swearing under his breath. He was on the baseball team, dammit. Why couldn’t he take a hit? Was it because his mind was elsewhere?
Wooyoung was about to throw his bat as far as he could out of frustration when he heard a familiar voice calling out to him. He turned and saw the one person he didn’t want to see.
“San.” Wooyoung said, tossing his bat on the ground in annoyance. “How'd you know I’d be here?”
“Is that a trick question or something? You always come here when you have something on your mind.” San replied, opening the door to the batting cage so he could come inside. “So what is it? Spill. I’m all ears.”
Wooyoung scoffed. “There’s nothing on my mind.”
San was standing a few inches away from Wooyoung. The latter was fighting every urge to grab his face and kiss him.
“How many times do I have to tell you that you're a bad liar?” San asked.
“I’m not lying.” Wooyoung said.
A lump formed in his throat. He wanted to run, hide and cry his eyes out. He was so frustrated and he hated this feeling.
He was scared, terrified to let his feelings show. Because he spent his entire life suppressing them, he didn’t know what to do with these emotions that bubbled up inside of him. He felt like he was a volcano and any moment now, he was going to erupt and destroy everything in his path including San.
So he'd play pretend that he was fine, that he was okay because he didn’t know any better than that.
San pinched Wooyoung’s cheek. “You so are.”
Wooyoung shook his head, grabbing the hand that was on his face. “Can I come over?”
San nodded. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is.” Wooyoung said.
Wooyoung was a bit rough this time around, San almost couldn’t believe it. He didn’t give him much time to react before he slammed San against the wall, kissing him aggressively.
San was wide eyed and bit taken back at first but he gave in almost instantly. His arms wrapped around Wooyoung's neck.
He spun Wooyoung around so now he was the one being pinned up against the wall. His lips roamed around Wooyoung's ear. “There’s no one to interrupt us today.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
San’s low voice was enough to make Wooyoung melt into a puddle.
Wooyoung pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind. His heart was beating like crazy but he ignored it. This was just going to be another day, another fuck. It didn’t mean anything.
San pulled Wooyoung into another kiss and he felt like he was on fire.
Their kisses were wet and sloppy, they fell into the familiar rhythm of theirs. It was like every other time they had slept together. This was what Wooyoung wanted, for them to just go back to how they were.
San picked up Wooyoung, and the latter wrapped his legs around San. They continued to kiss, only separating to catch their breath. San carried Wooyoung into his bedroom.
He laid Wooyoung on the bed, just before climbing on top of him. San put Wooyoung’s arms over his head, constricting his upper body movements.
His lips went to Wooyoung’s neck first, leaving a trail of wet kisses. Then he left kisses around Wooyoung’s chin before pressing his lips onto Wooyoung’s for a second before biting his lower lip, hard.
The younger moaned in his ear and San gave a proud smirk in response.
“Payback.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to Wooyoung’s temple.
Cheeky bastard.
Wooyoung tugged on San’s shirt and he immediately took it off, throwing it on the ground.
“San.” Wooyoung breathed out in between long and hard kisses.
“Yes?” San asked, pressing another wet kiss near Wooyoung’s mouth.
“I want you.” Wooyoung couldn’t believe he uttered these words.
He didn’t mean it in the sex way, he meant it in the I-want-you-to-be-my-boyfriend way but he couldn’t admit that to him, ever. Not in a million years.
After all, this was just a crush that would eventually go away, right?
“I want you too.” San replied, kissing Wooyoung once more.
But our wants are very different, aren’t they?
San placed his hands on Wooyoung’s torso, pulling up his shirt a little. Then he slid his hands up, guiding Wooyoung’s arms to go above his head. San tucked the edge of Wooyoung’s shirt in his mouth.
His grip on Wooyoung’s hands tightened. In his own way, he was being rough too. He leaned down, kissing Wooyoung's bare chest.
Wooyoung wanted to hold him but San wouldn’t let him move his arms. Now he was using one hand to keep Wooyoung’s arms above his head. The other he had on the small of Wooyoung’s back.
San continued to leave wet kisses on Wooyoung’s skin, then his lips roamed to Wooyoung's nipples. At first he kissed them but as soon as he began to bite them, Wooyoung couldn’t help the sounds that came out but because of his shirt in his mouth, it came out muffled. San was enjoying this as he chuckled lightly.
San pulled off Wooyoung’s shirt harshly, catching the latter by surprise. He pressed a kiss to Wooyoung’s mouth. He retracted his hand from Wooyoung’s back and brought it up to his chest. When they separated after a few short seconds, he used his hand to tease Wooyoung by pinching his nipples.
San knew how sensitive he was there, he was being a major tease and it was almost too much for Wooyoung to bear. Wooyoung squirmed a little as he did this, trying to wriggle out of San’s hold but to no avail. San’s grip on him was too tight. He averted his gaze in embarrassment.
He grabbed Wooyoung’s chin, forcing him to look at him. “Don’t take your eyes off me.”
San was hungry, that much was obvious. But it was the kind of hunger that made Wooyoung realize that he’d never be more than a fuck buddy to him. He grew sad and couldn’t stop the tears that ran down his face. He tried not to show San that he was crying but it was too late, San already noticed because his expression changed.
“Woo? Are you okay? I’m sorry. Was I too rough?” San asked, retracting his hand allowing Wooyoung to finally move his arms.
Wooyoung wiped his face with his hand, sniffling. “I’m okay, sorry.”
San cupped Wooyoung’s face, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Are you sure?”
Wooyoung hated this. San was acting affectionate, completely contradicting his behavior not that long ago.
He nodded and San replied in kind.
“Can I continue?” San asked.
Wooyoung nodded once more.
He didn’t want him to continue but he didn’t want San to keep asking what was wrong because he wasn’t sure what the answer was to that question.
As San kissed him once more, he was certain now that this wasn’t a crush. Wooyoung was completely and unmistakably in love with San.
Afterwards, Wooyoung and San had fallen asleep. San had his arms wrapped around him, holding him close to him. It was an odd feeling. He’s woken up countless times in San’s arms but this was entirely different.
With Wooyoung’s newfound feelings for San, he felt somewhat at a loss. He knew that San didn’t harbor any feelings towards him.
San began to stir and Wooyoung immediately closed his eyes, pretending to still be asleep.
He retracted his arms from around Wooyoung, evident that he was now awake. Wooyoung felt his lips on his, but they barely touched.
Wooyoung felt San getting up from the bed. While he didn’t look in his direction, Wooyoung opened his eyes to see San rummaging through his drawer to grab clothes.
A moment later, he left the bedroom. Wooyoung could hear the shower starting. He slumped into the bed, sighing heavily.
These feelings were gnawing at him, it was something he couldn’t simply shut off. As they fucked, Wooyoung’s mind was elsewhere. He wouldn’t let himself think of San like that at the moment, because it wouldn’t do him any good.
Suppressing his feelings didn’t work. San easily found him out.
San’s phone made a loud notification sound, making Wooyoung almost jump out of his skin. He couldn’t help his curiosity so he reached for it on the nightstand. He had a few texts from… Yunho. He unlocked San’s phone because of course he knew the password. He looked at the most recent messages between them.
y: san, did you have a good time yesterday?
s: yes i did, hyung. thanks for taking me out
y: anytime. listen, did you want to go out with me again?
s: sure. just let me know where to meet you
y: tomorrow at 7 pm, the restaurant by your place
s: okay, i'll see you then
y: :)
Wooyoung dropped San’s phone in shock. He started to panic.
They were going out? Already? It had been only a few days since Yunho said he was going to ask out San. He didn’t think they had been moving this fast.
He grew jealous. Was San thinking about Yunho all the while he was fucking Wooyoung? Does he know about their situation? Have they slept together yet?
All these questions roamed around Wooyoung’s mind, crippling anxiety settling in. He wanted to vomit.
San came back from his shower. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and he was drying his hair with a towel. Wooyoung's eyes darted up and down, taking in the sight of a shirtless San.
They literally just had sex, why was Wooyoung growing flustered after seeing him shirtless again?
Wooyoung's frustration only wavering for a few seconds. He shook his head, trying to focus on the matter at hand.
Right, Yunho... And San...
“Oh, Woo, you're up.” He said.
Wooyoung glared at San in response.
“What?” San asked, noticing the look of disappointment on Wooyoung’s face.
He held up San’s phone. “When were you going to tell me that you're dating Yunho hyung?”
“You looked through my phone?”
“That’s not the point. Answer the question.” Wooyoung spat.
San snatched the phone away from Wooyoung. “It’s not any of your business.”
“We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“ Friends don’t look through each other’s phone and stick their nose in where they don’t belong.” San said.
Wooyoung scoffed. “You guys are fucking, aren’t you?”
San rolled his eyes. “No.”
“You’re lying.”
“Not that it’s any of your concern, we haven’t gotten there yet. We’re just at the talking stage.”
“But he asked you out.”
“Yeah, and? It doesn’t mean we’re dating yet.” San said.
“Are you going to tell him about us?” Wooyoung asked.
“Us? You mean our situation ?” San shook his head. “Why should I? We’re just at the talking stage like I said. Who knows if it’s going to lead to anything, anyway?”
“So eventually you're going to tell him. Then what? Are you going to continue to date him while fucking me too?” Wooyoung asked, growing irritated.
San sighed exasperatedly. “You're jumping the gun a bit here.”
“Am I?”
“Yes, as always, you’re jumping to conclusions. We’re just having fun.”
“Like you and I are just ‘having fun’?” Wooyoung asked, raising his voice a little.
“What’s it to you, anyway? You're acting like a jealous boyfriend. This between us…” San gestured to him and Wooyoung. “Means nothing.”
That hurt. Wooyoung felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and San was stepping all over it. So this was what San’s feelings were and that wouldn't change.
Wooyoung got up to leave, but San stopped him. “You always do this.”
“Do what, exactly?” Wooyoung averted his gaze.
“Run away.”
“The conversation’s over, right? So I’m leaving. What part of that is running away?”
“You’re not telling me something, I can tell. You push me away when there’s something bothering you.” San remarked.
“So what? Like you said, this thing between us is nothing. I don’t have to explain myself to you, I don’t owe you anything.” Wooyoung said, shaking off San’s hold on him.
San opened his mouth like he was going to say something but he clasped it shut, staring at Wooyoung in silence.
And that was that. Wooyoung left and San didn’t stop him this time.
Wooyoung was frustrated. When he got back to the dorms, he was ready to punch a wall. He got to his room where his roommate Yeosang was. He was typing away on his computer, probably working on an assignment for his animation class.
Wooyoung groaned loudly and jumped into bed, screaming into his pillow for a few seconds.
“Trouble?” Yeosang asked, not making eye contact.
“Oh, you have no idea.” Wooyoung replied, tossing his pillow to the side.
“Wanna talk about it?” Yeosang asked, glancing in Wooyoung’s direction.
Yeosang was easy to talk to. They've been living together in the dorms for two years now. They've gotten really close. He was the only one who knew about the situation between San and Wooyoung. Wooyoung considered him one of his best friends.
“Ah, you seem busy. I don’t want to bother you with my problems.” Wooyoung said.
Yeosang walked over to Wooyoung, sitting on his bed next to him. He put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay. My paper isn’t due until next week. I was just working on it ahead of time.”
Wooyoung chuckled lightly. “Typical Yeosang.”
Yeosang nodded. “So, what’s on your mind? How can I help?”
“It’s San.” Wooyoung admitted.
“San? Did something happen between you two?” Yeosang asked.
“I wouldn’t call it something, but we had a bit of a fight.”
“A fight? About what?”
So Wooyoung recounted what had happened between the two of them. He left out about the part that he’s in love with San, because there's no way he can admit that out loud. For now, that is.
Yeosang was silent for a minute after Wooyoung finished speaking.
“Hmm.” Yeosang stood up from the bed, pacing a bit.
He did this when he was in thought, it happened quite often so Wooyoung was used to it.
“What?” Wooyoung asked, growing a bit impatient.
Yeosang shook his head. “You got upset that San is talking to someone with the intention of dating.”
“Yeah.” Wooyoung replied.
“So you're jealous.”
“Yeah.” He repeated.
“And you have feelings for San.”
“Ye- Wait… How did you know?”
“Please, Wooyoung, I've known you for two years. It’s not hard to tell how you're feeling.”
“I’ve known San longer and yet he doesn't know.” Wooyoung remarked sadly, twiddling his thumbs.
“Well San’s an idiot.” Yeosang said.
He had stopped pacing and had sat back down next to Wooyoung.
“True.”
Yeosang smacked Wooyoung across the head. “Ow! What was that for?”
“You’re an idiot too.” Yeosang said.
“What?!” Wooyoung exclaimed, putting his hand on his head where Yeosang had hit him.
“You’re bottling up your emotions again and you exploded, taking it out on San. When are you going to learn from your mistakes?” Yeosang scolded, pointing a finger at Wooyoung.
“Ugh, I don’t know. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I didn’t mean to fall for San. We were just sleeping together because it was convenient. I’m not sure when it turned into wanting something more.” Wooyoung had his head in his hands.
He wasn’t sure what he wanted. Feeling conflicted, he grabbed his pillow and started to cry into it. Yeosang rubbed his back gently.
“Love is weird. One day, you're happy with how things are and it can change overnight. Take me and Jongho for example.”
Yeosang had been friends with Jongho since childhood too, and they started dating when they started college. Yeosang thought his love was unrequited but Jongho had been feeling the same way for years. It was just a matter of time for them.
But Wooyoung and San were different. Wooyoung is convinced that San doesn’t feel the same way.
“But you guys love each other, that’s the difference. San doesn’t love me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do know that. Why else would he be seeing Yunho hyung?”
“Like I said, the boy’s an idiot. He won’t know how you're feeling until you spell it out for him in big block letters.”
Wooyoung didn’t respond.
“Listen, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. There’s no way he doesn’t feel the same way.” Yeosang added.
They sat in silence for who knows how long.
Wooyoung felt lost, he wasn’t sure what to think. Maybe Yeosang was right, maybe he did love Wooyoung back. But even if that were the case, what then? Could Wooyoung admit his feelings to him? It was scary just thinking about it.
He shook his head. No, there’s no way San felt the same. San didn’t look at Wooyoung any differently than he would a friend. Even when they had sex, San always had this look in his eyes that he was just doing it for the hell of it.
Wooyoung had these feelings for San but he was conflicted on how to deal with them. He didn’t want to ever tell San how he felt, because it would hurt too much to be rejected. He didn’t want to lose him, so if that meant swallowing his feelings then so be it.
The next day at their practice game, it was bad. Wooyoung couldn’t even look at San without feeling upset. The latter glared at Wooyoung every now and then.
Wooyoung fumbled over himself throughout and San would get mad, calling him an idiot and would tell him to “keep his head in the game”.
That would only fuel Wooyoung’s anger that much more. Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut? It was like he wanted to provoke him, but he should know that never ends well.
It was nearing the end of their practice game, Wooyoung was up to bat. He missed each swing. San was out on the field. He swore under his breath.
The umpire called Wooyoung out and they lost the practice game against the other team. Bummed, Wooyoung threw the bat, not caring at all where it landed.
San walked over to Wooyoung, pushing him. “Hey, what the hell is your problem today?”
“ My problem? What about you, huh? What does it matter what I’m doing?” Wooyoung pushed San back, more harshly than he had done to him.
“Guys, there’s no need for that.” Yunho said, from a distance. He ran a bit towards them.
Looking at him made Wooyoung’s skin crawl. He was the reason why everything was falling apart and he hadn’t even realized it.
Wooyoung glared at him. “Stay out of this, Yunho hyung." He gritted his teeth.
“I'm a part of this team too, you know. You guys’ behavior affects us all.”
“Shut up.” Wooyoung said.
He couldn't care less about the team right now. That’s not why he’s upset.
Yunho opened his mouth to say something but he didn’t utter another word.
“Don’t take your anger out on him.” San said, pushing Wooyoung again.
“Then who should I take it out on? You?” Wooyoung poked San’s shoulder roughly.
It was Hongjoong and Seonghwa, the team captain and co-captain respectively, who held the two of them back.
“You both have been off your game today. No need to point fingers.” Hongjoong said, sternly.
“Whatever. He’s pissing me off.” Wooyoung said, shaking off Hongjoong’s hold on him.
“Yeah? The feeling’s mutual.” San spat.
“That’s enough.” Seonghwa said.
“Whatever is going between the two of you, fix it before I bench you both.” Hongjoong said and Seonghwa nodded in agreement.
San shook off Seonghwa’s hold on him and walked away.
Wooyoung scoffed, leaving in the opposite direction.
Later that same day, Hongjoong called for an emergency meeting. So everyone gathered together in the gymnasium once more. Tension ran high and again, Wooyoung and San were at odds with each other.
They couldn’t make eye contact with one another without grumbling or saying a snarky comment. San and Wooyoung sat far from each other.
Wooyoung was conflicted. On the one hand, he was upset with San for everything that happened but on the other, he was so madly in love with him that he couldn’t see reason.
Their teammates talked and laughed amongst themselves and the idle chatter filled the entire gymnasium. For once, Wooyoung wasn’t talking that much.
Seonghwa sat next to Wooyoung, and he nudged him on the shoulder. His hyung glanced in San’s direction then back to Wooyoung. “Hey, Wooyoungie. Is everything okay? You’ve been kinda down lately…”
“Yeah, hyung, I’m okay. Just haven’t been myself these past few days.” Wooyoung responded.
Seonghwa patted Wooyoung’s back. “If you need to talk to anyone, I’m here for you and not just as co-captain, but as a friend.”
This hyung was always sweet towards Wooyoung and he was pretty close with him. They even hung out a few times outside of baseball club activities. He was someone he considered like his older blood related brother.
Wooyoung smiled at him, nudging him in the stomach playfully with his elbow. “Thank you.”
Seonghwa ruffled his hair and Wooyoung could feel someone’s eyes on him. He turned to see San glaring at him. He quickly averted his gaze.
Was he jealous or something? No, he couldn’t be. Wooyoung shook his head at the thought.
Hongjoong looked a bit stern, seemingly worried about something. He cleared his throat to get everyone to quiet down and everyone did so immediately. Because one thing about Team Captain Hongjoong, is that you don’t want to piss him off.
“It’s come to my attention that some of you haven’t been acting very team-like and really, I can’t have that. So I’ve decided we’re going to have an impromptu team building retreat this weekend…”
Anyone with a clue could tell Hongjoong was referring to Wooyoung and San but no one said anything instead they groaned at the mention of “team building retreat”. Wooyoung wasn’t exactly excited about the news either. He'd much rather stay at home, but he knew some of the problems that the team was having was because of him and San so he kept his mouth shut.
“Now, guys.” Hongjoong continued. “This will be a good opportunity for us to get closer as a team. Hopefully you all can participate, please let me know if you can’t. Since this wasn’t planned ahead of time, I will need two people in charge of food and refreshments and those two people are Wooyoung and San.”
Both Wooyoung and San glanced at each other with wide eyes and mouths. They scowled before averting their gaze once more.
“But-” Wooyoung started.
“No buts, Wooyoungie.” Hongjoong interrupted.
Wooyoung looked back at San but his attention was elsewhere so he didn’t notice. He had his arms crossed. his lips upturned in a pout. Obviously, he wasn’t ecstatic about the news. That made two of them.
“You two, meet me after the meeting and we’ll talk further. For the rest of you keep your eyes peeled for location and time details. Alright, I think that’s all I have for you guys.” Hongjoong looked over his clipboard of notes, then gestured to Seonghwa. “Hwa, anything to add?”
Seonghwa nodded. “As Hongjoong said, this is an opportunity to get closer to your teammates so be prepared for lots of fun activities.”
Another groan was heard amongst the teammates.
“Stop your whining. There will be booze.” Hongjoong said.
Cheers could be heard now, Seonghwa and Hongjoong broke into laughter and everyone joined in.
“Okay guys, good work today. Wooyoung and San, please hang back. The rest of you are good to go.” Hongjoong said, once the laughter died down.
Everyone else began to leave, one after the other. Yunho said goodbye to San with a side hug. He whispered something in his ear and San laughed. They were so touchy with each other that Wooyoung wanted to scream.
The gym cleared after a few minutes, leaving Wooyoung with San, Hongjoong and Seonghwa. Even Mingi, the manager, had left. They sat in silence for a minute or so, until Hongjoong was the one to speak up. His expression turned sullen.
“Alright, you two. I’m not sure what’s going on exactly and I didn’t want to point fingers or name names in front of everyone. Lately, your behaviors have not been the best, so I suggested the retreat. You guys are good friends and whatever is bothering the two of you, maybe you can work it out this weekend.”
San crossed his arms, avoiding eye contact with everyone else. He was pouting like a child, it annoyed Wooyoung to no end.
“So you came up with the idea of the retreat because of us?” Wooyoung asked.
Hongjoong shook his head. “A part of it is because of you two, but it’s also an excuse for the team to get out and do something together. It’s been awhile and it would be good for everyone to let off some steam before our big game in two weeks.”
“Hmm.” Wooyoung replied.
He glanced at San for a few seconds but looked back at Hongjoong and Seonghwa.
“Alright, well I don’t know if putting us together like this is the right way to go.” Wooyoung said.
San scoffed, glancing in Wooyoung’s direction but he didn’t utter a word.
“We’ll see about that. For now, just do as we say. The two of you will be in charge of getting the food and drinks for this weekend. We’ll give you some money and you guys can go to the store when you can.”
“Do we have to?” San asked, finally speaking up for the first time.
“Yes.” Hongjoong and Seonghwa replied simultaneously, always in sync those two.
“Okay.” Wooyoung replied reluctantly, nodding. “We’ll get it done.”
Hongjoong nodded. “Manager Mingi will send you a list of what we need. Thanks for doing this.”
“Not like we have any other choice.” San said, mumbling under his breath.
Wooyoung was close to slapping the hell out of San right then and there but Hongjoong beat him to it.
“Ow!” San exclaimed.
“That’s what you get for talking back.” Seonghwa said.
San rolled his eyes.
“I’m counting on you two. Don’t disappoint me.” Hongjoong got up from the floor and Seonghwa followed suit. They walked out of the gymnasium, leaving Wooyoung and San alone.
As San got up to leave, Wooyoung grabbed his arm. “San.”
“What?” He asked, shaking off Wooyoung’s hold on him.
“Do we really have to continue like this? Avoiding or getting mad with each other?” Wooyoung asked.
“You’re the one who started it.” San said.
“Well-”
“Give it a rest, Woo.” San replied, before walking away.
“San, please.” Wooyoung pleaded but the latter only shook his head.
“I can’t do this anymore.” San said, his voice growing small almost like he was hesitant. He started to walk away and Wooyoung almost reached for him again but didn’t.
All a speechless Wooyoung could do was watch him leave.
This rift between them was significant now. Wooyoung didn’t realize how much he loved San until he didn’t have him anymore. San wasn’t his and he wasn't Wooyoung’s.
No doubt San and Yunho were dating now, anyone with eyes could tell and that bothered him more than anything. It was something he’d been obsessing over the past few days. It's all he can think about, so much so that it’s affecting his performance on the baseball team.
He didn’t know what to do, but he wanted to go back to how things were. He wanted to go back to being ignorant of his feelings, before San had slipped away from him. San was so far out of his reach now and Wooyoung had no choice in the matter.
The next day, their team manager Mingi had texted Wooyoung the list of items that they needed to buy for the retreat. Wooyoung wasn’t sure how to bring it up to San so they could go together. He had half a mind to go by himself, but he knew Hongjoong would only scold him if he did that.
He mustered enough courage to text San asking him to go together but after a few hours he still hadn’t answered. So, Wooyoung thought it’d be best to stop by his place. He knew his schedule so he knew for a fact that he should be at home.
He knew San wouldn't be happy to see him but he didn’t care. Wooyoung needed to suck it up for the team’s sake.
Wooyoung knocked on San’s door a few times but there was no response. He knew San’s password for his door so he let himself in. Maybe he had fallen asleep and couldn’t hear him knocking.
He opened the door slowly, “San?” He called out but again, there was no answer. He closed the door behind him. Taking a look around, he noticed the disarray of an apartment that San had left. Countless dishes in the sink, clothes thrown about without a care.
What a mess. If Co-Captain Seonghwa saw this place, no doubt he'd scold San and force him to clean up.
Well, obviously San wasn’t home so maybe Wooyoung should leave. As he walked towards the door, he heard the keypad meaning someone was unlocking the door. Wooyoung’s eyes widened and instinctively took a few steps back.
Was it San coming home?
The door opened and in came San… with Yunho. They were carrying bags of groceries, it seemed. San had his arm around Yunho and they were laughing about something.
They froze in their tracks when they saw Wooyoung.
“Woo? What are you doing here?” San asked, clearly annoyed that Wooyoung was there.
“Oh, me? I just came by so that we could go get the stuff for this weekend…” Wooyoung replied, scratching his head.
God, he wanted to vomit. Seeing them walk in together like that was enough to send Wooyoung into a frenzy.
“So you just let yourself in?" San asked.
"Well... You wouldn't answer your phone..." Woooung replied, a bit hesitant.
San shrugged, setting the grocery bags down. "I was busy. Anyway, me and Yunho already took care of that so you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”
He already was referring to Yunho without saying “hyung” at the end. They were close enough to drop honorifics, it made Wooyoung sick to his stomach.
Wooyoung shook his head, confused. “But I thought we were supposed to do that together?”
San shrugged. “As long as it gets done, I don’t think it matters. Was there something else you needed or can you make yourself scarce?”
The younger crossed his arms, sighing heavily. “San, Captain told us specifically to get the items together. Now you're telling me you went with Yunho hyung and got them yourselves without even asking me about it?”
“What does it matter anyway?” San asked.
“It matters because-” Wooyoung stopped himself, he remembered that Yunho was there too and could hear everything going on between them.
“It matters because ?” San asked, sarcastically.
Yunho cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, should I leave? I’ll let you guys talk.” He started to walk away but San grabbed his arm.
“No, you don’t have to go. Wooyoung was just leaving, weren’t you?” San scowled at Wooyoung.
“Right, yeah. I’m leaving.” Wooyoung said, walking towards the door. “See you later, hyung.” He added, waving at Yunho who then nodded in response.
Wooyoung left the apartment, San slammed the door behind him.
“‘ Not fucking ’, my ass.” He mumbled under his breath. Then his eyes welled up with tears and didn’t stop them from running down his cheeks.
He felt betrayed somehow. Wooyoung thought that if they could just talk to each other, things would work out. But whenever Wooyoung tried to make an effort, San would slam the door in his face. He was at a loss and he was growing tired of this.
It was the day of the retreat, Wooyoung and San weren’t any closer to getting along than a few days before.
Wooyoung’s feelings, however, didn’t waver. Maybe that one saying was right. Maybe distance really does make the heart grow fonder.
He wanted to hit San but he also wanted to kiss him. He wanted to talk things through but he didn't want to talk things through. He was conflicted in every sense of the word and couldn’t make up his mind about anything. He missed San terribly, craved his touch again more than anything in the world. But things were practically over between them now.
It had been decided that the retreat was to be held at Seonghwa’s parents’ house. They lived out in the countryside and were going away for the weekend.
The team met up at 1pm on Saturday morning. They all piled inside a bus. Yunho sat next to San (of course) and Wooyoung sat next to Mingi.
Wooyoung wasn’t excited about going at all. He just needed this weekend to be over already. Seeing San hurt Wooyoung’s every being and he hated this feeling. He just wanted to get over San, but how could he do that?
Mingi tapped on Wooyoung’s shoulder, snapping him back to reality. He handed Wooyoung one of his headphones. “Do you want to listen?” He asked.
Wooyoung nodded. Maybe some music will help get his mind off San. He took the headphone from Mingi and put it in his ear. The music wasn’t really his taste but it was catchy enough for Wooyoung to bop his head along.
The ride there wasn’t too long, maybe an hour or so. Mingi and Wooyoung didn’t really talk much, just the occasional “Oh this song’s good” or “I really like this one”.
When the bus stopped, Wooyoung slung his bag over his shoulder. He was one of the first to get off, brushing past everyone. Upon getting off, he stretched his arms a little.
Wooyoung stood next to Mingi. He leaned over to ask him a question. “Manager, do you know what's first on the agenda?”
Mingi held a notepad, and he flipped through a few pages. “Hmm, Team captain’s going to divide you guys up into teams for an ice breaker game.”
“Dammit.” Wooyoung mumbled under his breath. "Who needs an ice breaker game? We all know each other already."
Mingi chuckled lightly, shrugging. "It won’t be too bad. It’s a fun one.”
“Our definitions of fun could be very different.” Wooyoung nudged Mingi in the stomach playfully with his elbow.
The game was not fun, but mainly because Wooyoung couldn’t be bothered to participate wholeheartedly. His mind just wasn’t in it.
His eyes kept wandering to San and Yunho. They looked like they were having such a good time, Wooyoung felt so left out. He realized he was only close to San on the team and that was it. Now that they weren’t speaking, Wooyoung had no one to talk to.
He talked to Mingi a little in between but since he wasn’t participating at all, their conversations were always short. Mingi was a bit of a dork but he was really nice. It was fun making small talk with him.
After the game finished, Hongjoong and Seonghwa got everyone together to start helping out with preparations for dinner.
Wooyoung and San were put on the same team, which welcomed trouble. The group was deciding on what to make for dinner and they couldn't agree on anything.
“How about ramen?” Wooyoung asked. “It’s simple enough and we have the ingredients. I even brought mo-”
San scoffed, interrupting Wooyoung. “Anything but ramen.”
“Do you have another suggestion, then?” Wooyoung inquired, shooting a death glare at him.
He shrugged.
“You’re not even making any contributions and you’re looking down on me?”
“I’m not looking down on you. Your suggestion was just, well, stupid.” San said.
“Stupid?” Wooyoung stood up, growing agitated.
“Guys, please.” One of their teammates put a hand on Wooyoung’s shoulder, trying to calm him down.
Wooyoung sat back down, crossing his arms. “Coming here was a bad idea.” He muttered under his breath.
After that, he kept his mouth shut and didn’t suggest anything else.
They ended up going with tteokbokki. Wooyoung helped with the side dishes. He didn’t say a word to anyone because he couldn’t be bothered. He could feel San’s eyes on him but he didn’t acknowledge it.
He wanted to go home now more than ever.
San was annoying him but what frustrated him more was the fact that he still couldn’t stop thinking about him.
They ate not long afterwards, everyone talking and laughing amongst themselves. Everyone except for Wooyoung, that is. He ate in silence, observing the others.
After eating, Hongjoong pulled Wooyoung aside alone inside the house.
“Wooyoungie.”
“Yes, captain?” Wooyoung asked.
“Did you and San get a chance to patch things up yet?” Hongjoong inquired, crossing his arms.
Wooyoung rolled his eyes. “You already know that answer to that question. Obviously we haven’t and I don’t think we're going to at all.”
“What makes you say that? Just what happened between the two of you?” Hongjoong asked.
“I don’t want to bore you with the details.” Wooyoung said.
The truth was that he couldn't say, because if Hongjoong found out that Wooyoung and San used to sleep together, that would only cause trouble. There was no way in hell that he could be honest with him about that, let alone tell him that he was in love with San.
“Alright, I won't force it out of you. But seriously, you guys need to get your act together. If you keep fighting like this, your futures on the team are going to be in jeopardy.” Hongjoong remarked.
“I know that.” Wooyoung said. “I just don’t know what to do to get through to him.”
Hongjoong patted Wooyoung on the back. “Relax for now, kiddo. Maybe he’ll come around.”
Wooyoung nodded. “Thanks captain, I’ll try… And hopefully you're right about that.”
The older smiled in response. “Let’s head back or they’re going to start drinking without us.”
They stepped back outside to join the others. The evening crisp air felt good, Wooyoung felt like he could breathe properly again.
They broke out the booze when Hongjoong and Wooyoung came.
Wooyoung didn’t drink much, he wasn’t really in the mood. He took what was handed to him to be polite but nothing more. He picked at the food in front of him, not feeling hungry anymore.
His gaze fell on San once more. He looked so happy, Wooyoung wanted to cry. San was really close to Yunho, the latter had his arm wrapped around his shoulders.
Would anyone even care if he left?
Wooyoung got up from the table, feeling absolutely exhausted and drained.
“Wooyoungie, where are you going~” Seonghwa asked, grabbing Wooyoung’s arm. He sounded a bit tipsy already.
“I’m going to take a walk. I’ll be back.” Wooyoung reassured him.
Seonghwa nodded, retracting his hand.
Wooyoung ran a hand through his hair in frustration, he really needed to calm down. He didn’t even drink that much but he was feeling a bit flushed. Was it because he was upset?
He didn’t even know where he was going, he just knew he couldn't be there with everyone else.
It got darker the more he walked farther away. Since it was the countryside, there were hardly any streetlights. Thankfully, he had his phone on him so he used the flashlight to keep going.
With no sense of direction, he continued onward. Probably not the best idea. Wooyoung was a scaredy-cat so why was he walking in the dark?
Anything beats being back there with everyone else and San, especially San. He would much rather roam around in the dark than be near him right now.
Wooyoung came across a small pond, he bent down to touch the water. It was a bit cold but it felt nice, he still felt a bit flushed from the alcohol he had earlier.
His phone started ringing then. It was San. He reluctantly answered. “San?”
“Woo~” San’s voice was so loud, Wooyoung had to put his phone far from his ear.
“San, are you drunk?” Wooyoung asked.
“Just a little.” San giggled.
Oh he was very drunk, that much was obvious just by listening to him.
“Why’d you call me?” Wooyoung inquired, although a part of him felt it was pointless to ask because San was going to be incoherent.
“I missed you, Woo. I miss you so much. Please- Please come back.” San said, sniffling.
Was he crying?
“I thought- I thought you hated me.” Wooyoung replied, feeling on the urge of tears.
“I could never hate you…” His voice trailed off at the end.
Wooyoung had a bad feeling that San wasn’t going to remember this so he didn’t dwell on anything. Odds are San will hate him again when he wakes up in the morning.
He hung up the phone because he started to cry. The tears flowed and wouldn’t stop no matter how much he stopped them. Just a couple words from San and he was like this?
He sighed heavily, wiping his face. Eventually he was able to calm down. It was time to head back. He’d been gone for a while already and he didn’t want anyone to worry. Hopefully he will be able to find his way back to the house.
He turned on the flashlight in hopes of that helping but he couldn’t remember the way back. He suddenly grew a bit worried.
Wooyoung thought about what San had said. Had he really missed him? Or was he just saying things because he was drunk? These questions and more swirled around in his mind and he was going to go crazy standing here.
The thing he wanted most in the world was something that he couldn’t have. He wanted to run into San’s arms and kiss him and tell him he loved him, but that couldn’t happen anymore.
He stood frozen, not sure of what to do or where to go. It started to grow colder but Wooyoung didn’t move.
Wooyoung knelt down for a bit, he grew tired of standing. He groaned, wishing he didn’t leave the house because now he was lost, in more ways than one.
All of the sudden he heard some shuffling of feet and Wooyoung feared the worst. Was this how he would meet his end?
Okay, maybe he was being a bit dramatic.
He grabbed his phone, turning on the flashlight again. Wooyoung tripped over something, falling to the ground. He swore under his breath.
“Wooyoung, it’s just me.” A low voice said.
Wooyoung recognized the voice right away. He scoffed.
“Yunho… Hyung? What the hell? You scared the shit out of me.” Wooyoung said. Upon getting up, he dusted off his pants in embarrassment.
Yunho grabbed Wooyoung's arm, causing the latter to widen his eyes. “Wooyoung, San sent me to get you.”
“San? Why would he- How did you even know where I was?” Wooyoung inquired, confused.
“He frantically handed me his phone saying to come find you. Something about your location being turned on.” He held up his phone for Wooyoung to see that his phone was being tracked.
He had forgotten that they had an app installed on each other’s phone that tracked their location for whatever reason.
“How-” Wooyoung cleared his throat before continuing. “How is he?”
“Totally wasted. He kept asking about you…” Yunho said.
Wooyoung scratched his head. “Must be pretty annoying since you guys are going out.”
Yunho was quiet for a moment. “So you knew about that, huh?”
“It was pretty obvious, even without San having to tell me.” Wooyoung mumbled.
“He told you?” Yunho asked.
“No, I saw the texts between you guys and put two and two together.” Wooyoung said, kicking the ground.
“Hmm.”
“What? Do you have something to say? I bet you do.” Wooyoung said.
Yunho shook his head. “Everytime we went out, he only spoke of you. You were constantly on his mind, no matter what I did. You’ve got him wrapped around your finger and you didn’t notice, did you?”
Wooyoung’s eyes widened. “What are you saying exactly?”
Yunho groaned in annoyance.
“What, hyung?” Wooyoung nudged him with his elbow.
Yunho chuckled lightly. “Boy, you’re dense. Let me take you to him so he can tell you the rest.” Yunho said, putting his arm around Wooyoung pushing him forward.
The rest? What was he going on about? Yunho’s words only confused him that much more.
Yunho was practically dragging him along at this point, his long legs were too fast for him to keep up with. He felt like a child, with Yunho pulling him along by the hand.
Was he in a hurry to get back to San? Or was it something else entirely?
Wooyoung shook his head. His thoughts weren’t doing him any good. “Hyung, you're hurting my hand. Can you slow down a little? Why are you in such a hurry to get back anyway? Don’t you like San? Why are you going this far?”
Yunho stopped in his tracks. He looked back at Wooyoung. There were more lights illuminating their path so Wooyoung was able to see the sullen expression painted across Yunho’s face.
“I do like San, but how could I compare to you?” Yunho said, chuckling sadly.
Wooyoung didn’t know how to respond. He opened his mouth to say something but he quickly clasped it shut, feeling guilty.
Yunho shook his head. “You don’t have to say anything, Wooyoung. I knew how San really felt about me from the get go. Don’t feel bad for me.”
“I- What- What do you mean?”
Yunho pushed Wooyoung gently. “Never mind, kid. Let’s just go.”
Wooyoung stood silent, studying Yunho’s expression. He seemed like he wanted to say something else but he didn’t. He started walking and Wooyoung followed. Yunho slowed his pace to match Wooyoung’s.
“Hyung, you're actually a nice guy.” Wooyoung had to admit.
“I know. I hate that.”
Wooyoung couldn’t help breaking into laughter then. It had been awhile since he was able to laugh like that. He was grateful that San had sent Yunho after him.
And San… Wooyoung couldn’t wait to see him and hopefully he wanted to see him too.
Upon arriving at the house, everyone was either passed out drunk or singing at the top of their lungs. Well, it was nice to see everyone bonding. He didn’t see San though. Where could he have gone?
Wooyoung looked back at Yunho. “Where’s San?”
Yunho shook his head, gesturing to a table out in front of the house. Hongjoong and Seonghwa were there, with flushed cheeks and droopy eyes. “He was right here when I left him.”
“Hmm.” Wooyoung pondered, worried.
“Maybe he’s inside?” Yunho asked, sitting down with the captain and co-captain.
Wooyoung nodded. “Okay, I'll try there.”
As he opened the door to the house, he heard a thud. Did he hit something?
“I’m so sorry-” Wooyoung started, but who he saw on the floor wasn’t who he expected. He closed the door behind him.
“Ow!” San exclaimed in pain. He had a cut on his forehead from where he was hit. His face was red, he poured and his eyebrows narrowed. “What hit me?”
“San… I’m so sorry. I hit you, I didn’t mean to.” Wooyoung bent down to help San up from the ground. He grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly as he lifted him up. He cupped San’s face, stroking his cheek.
“Who?” San asked, putting a hand to his head.
“San, it’s me.” Wooyoung said.
San gripped Wooyoung’s hand hard, pulling him towards him almost causing him to topple over. “You look a lot like Woo, but you’re not Woo are you?”
Wooyoung nodded, composing himself. “It’s really me.”
He shook his head. “No, no. Woo is mad at me, he wouldn’t be here. I messed things up…”
Wooyoung put his hand on San’s shoulder, steadying him. “San, you didn’t mess things up, listen to me. Listen to my voice.”
“Hmm, your voice sounds like his too. Why is that?”
“Sannie~” Wooyoung said.
San pushed Wooyoung lightly. “Nooo, only Woo can call me that. You can’t- You can’t call me that.”
He looked around, making sure the coast was clear. There was no one besides them in the house.
Wooyoung then pressed his lips against San’s. He needed San to come to his senses somehow and this is all he could think of. It probably wasn’t the best idea.
San’s lips were chapped and Wooyoung was overwhelmed with the scent of alcohol mixed with his cologne.
He kissed Wooyoung back, placing his hand on the latter’s neck.
Oh he missed this, he missed San’s touch so much.
But it felt different somehow. Usually, it was hunger that consumed the both of them. There was never any room for tenderness. This was sweeter, gentler and softer.
They separated after a few seconds, pressing their foreheads against each other’s.
“It is you, Woo.” San said.
“Of course it is.” Wooyoung replied.
San shook his head. “I missed you.”
Wooyoung stroked San’s cheek, who was grinning ear to ear. “I missed you too.”
After ruffling San’s hair, Wooyoung backed away from him a little. He had all but forgotten that he was upset with him. He didn’t plan on kissing him so suddenly, but it was an impulse.
San stared at him with confused eyes, Wooyoung averted his gaze suddenly embarrassed. They stood in silence for a few seconds.
“I should treat your cut.” Wooyoung said, glancing at San’s forehead for a second. He started to feel uneasy because he couldn't stand the sight of blood, even just a small amount.
San shielded his forehead with both hands so Wooyoung wouldn’t see the cut, he looked so much like a child in that moment that Wooyoung wanted to laugh.
He shook his head rapidly. “Nuh uh, you hate seeing blood.”
“I know, but it’s okay.” Wooyoung grabbed San’s hand, leading him to the table that stood in the modest dining room.
Wooyoung pulled out a chair for him to sit down, San glanced at him hesitantly. He placed both hands on his shoulders, urging him to sit down and San finally gave in.
“Wait right here, I’m going to look for a first-aid kit.” Wooyoung said.
San nodded.
Wooyoung walked out of the dining room and opened the front door. He made his way over to where Seonghwa was. Hopefully he wasn't too drunk so he could help him find what he needed.
Nope, no luck.
Seonghwa was out cold, he had his head resting on his arms. Small snores could be heard from him. He almost had half a mind to pull out his phone and take a video to use for blackmail later but that wasn't what was important right now.
He spotted Hongjoong in the corner of his eye walking towards him.
“Captain!” Wooyoung exclaimed, hugging Hongjoong’s arm. Boy, was he happy to see him.
“Wooyoungie, everything okay?” Hongjoong asked, he didn’t look drunk at all. Gotta hand it to the dear old captain, he was as strong as they came.
However, Wooyoung wasn't sure how to answer that question so instead he put his hand on Hongjoong’s shoulder. “Do you know where a first-aid kit is?”
“Should be one in the medicine cabinet in the kitchen. Did someone get hurt?” Hongjoong asked with worry in his voice.
Wooyoung nodded. “It’s nothing serious, just a small cut.”
“Oh okay, good to know it wasn’t a serious injury.” Hongjoong replied, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Yes, thankfully. Nothing to worry about, Captain.” Wooyoung said, patting him on the back.
“You know me, can’t help but worry.” Hongjoong replied.
Wooyoung chuckled a bit. “That’s what makes you a great captain.”
“Are you trying to butter me up, Wooyoungie?” Hongjoong nudged him in the stomach with his elbow playfully.
“No, no. I really mean it.” Wooyoung said, waving his hand dismissively.
Hongjoong held his hand up to Wooyoung’s forehead. “You’re not feeling sick, are you?”
Wooyoung broke into laughter. “Captain~”
“Fine, fine. Thank you. Listen, Wooyoungie…” Hongjoong started.
“Hmm? What is it?” Wooyoung asked.
“I know I’ve been pretty hard on you two lately, but it’s just because I care about you both a lot. I hate seeing you guys like this. I hope things work out.”
Wooyoung nodded. “I hope so too, hyung.”
“Hyung? You never call me hyung. You must want something.”
“Can’t I call you hyung every once in a while?”
Hongjoong chuckled, ruffling Wooyoung’s hair. “Alright, alright. I’m just teasing. Now get back to San.”
Wooyoung nodded, saluting. “Aye aye captain!”
As Wooyoung began to walk back to the front door of the house, he couldn’t help but notice Hongjoong smiling to himself. It was odd because he had never seen him with that sort of expression. He looked proud somehow. But of what?
Wooyoung opened the door of the house and walked back inside. He closed the door behind him. He walked into the dining room where San sat. He had his head resting on his hand, looking about ready to fall asleep any second now.
Cute.
He walked over to the kitchen first to look for the first-aid kit. He opened the medicine cabinet and sure enough, there it was. Wooyoung shut the door and walked back to where San was.
He sat at the table across from San, who hadn’t taken notice of his presence yet.
Wooyoung opened the first aid kit and pulled out a cotton swab. He inched closer so he could reach him better. But just as he was about to start dabbing at the cut, San grabbed his hand harshly.
“Ah!” Wooyoung exclaimed, dropping the cotton swab on the ground.
San narrowed his eyes in confusion, glancing at Wooyoung for a few seconds before retracting his hand.
Wooyoung hit him on the arm. “Ya! You scared me.”
“S- Sorry.” San’s voice slurred a bit. Guess he wasn’t completely sober yet.
Wooyoung grabbed another cotton swab from the first aid kit and began to dab San’s forehead.
“Ow! Too rough, Woo.” San grabbed Wooyoung’s hand, shaking his head.
“I’m sorry, it’s my first time treating someone else’s wound.” Wooyoung said, frozen in place.
“I know.” San said, letting go of Wooyoung’s hand. He pouted. “You don’t have to do this.”
“I have to do this. I feel bad for hitting you and for everything else too.” Wooyoung said. He continued to dab San’s forehead but he was more gentle this time. His hand began to shake, he wasn’t sure if it was because of the blood or because he was so close to San.
“Your hand is shaking.” San remarked in a whisper, grabbing Wooyoung’s hand once more.
Wooyoung shook off San’s hold on him. After he finished dabbing his forehead, he grabbed another cotton swab and added ointment to it. He hesitated for a few seconds before applying it to San’s forehead.
They sat in silence as Wooyoung did this. He put a bandaid on the cut once he was done applying the ointment.
“There, almost as good as new.” Wooyoung said, ruffling San’s hair.
San took Wooyoung by surprise by wrapping his arms around his waist tightly.
“San?” Wooyoung asked, he patted San on the shoulder.
“I love you, Woo.” San said, his voice muffled against Wooyoung’s shirt.
“What?”
“I love you so damn much.” San said, sniffling.
Was he crying? Wooyoung wouldn’t be able to handle that because then he would start crying too.
He nudged San who retracted his arms from around him. Sure enough, his eyes were glistening with tears and Wooyoung felt a knot in his stomach.
He cupped San’s face, wiping away his tears as they fell. “Do you really mean that? You’re not just saying that because you're drunk?”
San shook his head. “Hmm what’s that saying? 'Yes, I’m drunk but I love you. And in the morning, I’ll be sober but I’ll still love you’?”
“That’s not how it goes.” Wooyoung remarked, cracking a smile.
“I was close wasn’t I?” San giggled.
“San.” Wooyoung rolled his eyes.
“If you don’t believe me now, just ask me how I feel tomorrow. You can wait a little while longer, can’t you?” San asked, pulling Wooyoung into an embrace.
It wasn’t long until Wooyoung could hear San snoring softly. He really fell asleep just like that, like he didn’t just confess his feelings to Wooyoung. This boy was something else.
Wooyoung groaned. “That's not fair. You didn’t let me say how I felt about you.”
He rubbed San’s back gently, humming a random song that came to him.
The next morning, Wooyoung woke up in a bed. He didn’t know how he got there. San was next to him, still sleeping. He stretched his arms a little, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He got up slowly from the bed and walked into the kitchen. He was met with Hongjoong washing dishes at the sink.
“Look who’s up!” Hongjoong exclaimed.
Wooyoung yawned. “Captain? Where’s everyone else?”
“They’re all still passed out. Knowing them, they won’t be up for a while.”
“Oh I see.”
Hongjoong wiped his wet hands on a towel before walking over to Wooyoung.
“I found you and San asleep hugging each other. So I’m guessing you guys made up?”
Wooyoung shrugged. “You- You found us? You mean- Huh.”
Hongjoong chuckled lightly. “It’s unlike you to be so tongue-tied. Don’t worry, the rest of the team didn’t see you guys if that is what’s bothering you.”
“No, um. That’s not-” Wooyoung scratched his head. “It's just- You know? About him and I? I mean-”
“I guess I always suspected that something was going on between the two of you, I just didn’t know what exactly. I got my answer last night.”
“But we could be just friends…”
“The way you guys were holding each other did not scream ‘friends’ at all to me. What? Do you think I’m stupid?”
Wooyoung shook his head.
“Listen, it’s not a big deal to me. You and San can keep dating each other so long as it doesn’t affect your guys’ performance.”
“We’re not exactly… dating.” Wooyoung replied.
Hongjoong’s eyes widened. “What? You aren’t? I thought you were.”
Wooyoung shook his head. “It’s complicated.”
“Oh, I’ve been there.” Hongjoong replied, sighing heavily.
“You have?”
Seonghwa walked in then and Hongjoong swore under his breath. “Speak of the devil,” Wooyoung heard him say.
“Joongie, Manager Mingi’s looking for you. He wanted to go over some things with you before everyone else woke up.” Seonghwa said.
“I’ll be there in a minute.” Hongjoong replied, nodding.
“Don’t keep him waiting.” Seonghwa said, before walking out the door.
Wooyoung’s eyes widened in confusion.
Seonghwa and Hongjoong? Dating? There’s no way…
“Shut it.” Hongjoong warned before Wooyoung could even mutter a single word.
“But-”
Hongjoong scowled at him. “I’m warning you, kid.”
Wooyoung made a gesture like he was zipping his lips shut and locking with a key. “Mum’s the word.”
The team captain rolled his eyes and walked out the door a few seconds later, leaving Wooyoung alone.
He sighed heavily. What an interesting turn of events. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry or scream, maybe all of the above.
Wooyoung heard a knock a minute later and practically almost jumped. He turned to see San at the end of the hallway.
“San.” Wooyoung said.
“Woo…” San replied, walking closer to him.
Wooyoung scratched his head, trying his best not to make things awkward between them. “We should probably talk.”
San nodded.
They sat on the couch in the living room. They were close enough to each other that their knees touched. Wooyoung felt a bit uneasy and he wanted to back away a little but before he could, San put his hand on his shoulder.
“About last night…” San started.
“Yeah?” Wooyoung asked, avoiding eye contact with San.
“Woo, would you please look at me?” San asked.
Wooyoung glanced at him, San’s expression was difficult to decipher. He had never seen him look so serious.
“I meant what I said.”
“Really?” Wooyoung asked.
“I love you and I always have. Nothing could ever change that.” San said, placing his hand on Wooyoung’s knee and patting it gently.
This was everything Wooyoung had ever wanted San to say, but something in the back of his mind still bothered him. He knew if he didn’t ask he would worry about it forever.
“But- But what about Yunho hyung?” Wooyoung asked.
San scratched his head. “I thought you would never love me back so I stupidly thought that that's why I should go out with someone else. I tried to get you out of my mind, but it didn’t work. I realize now that I don’t ever want to let you go and I hope to God you feel the same way.”
“I do feel the same way and that’s why I lashed out at you. I love you so much, San, that it drove me insane and I couldn’t think properly. I’m not even sure I’m thinking properly now either but-” Wooyoung cupped San’s face, stroking his cheek. “But I know I want you now and forever.”
San wrapped Wooyoung into a tight embrace then. “I want you too.”
“We said some really mean things to each other, didn’t we?” San asked, running his fingers through Wooyoung’s hair.
Wooyoung nodded. “I'm sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.” San replied.
Wooyoung’s eyes welled up with tears. He didn’t know what it felt like to love and be loved back. He never knew this feeling. He was overwhelmed with so many emotions, he couldn’t help but cry. His breathing grew shaky as he cried. His tears fell on San’s shoulder, wetting his t-shirt.
“Woo, why are you crying?” San asked, breaking the embrace.
“I just.” Wooyoung averted his gaze once more. “I’m just so happy? I’ve never felt like this before. I can’t believe it. You love me? You really love me? You’re not just joking?”
“No, I’m not joking. I love you more than anything.” San said, cupping Wooyoung’s face.
That only made Wooyoung cry more. San kissed each tear that fell. He couldn’t believe how happy he was. The tears just kept flowing, and a feeling of relief washed over him.
“I love you.” San whispered in Wooyoung's ear.
“I love you too, so much.” Wooyoung was the one to hug San this time, burying his face in his chest.
After a few minutes, they separated. San planted a kiss on Wooyoung’s lips and he was on cloud nine. The person he loved most in the world loved him back and he couldn’t be happier.
Later that same day, Hongjoong decided to end the retreat a bit earlier than discussed. Mainly because he was exhausted from taking care of everyone from their hangovers.
Wooyoung and San helped the others clean up before getting ready to leave. They stuck to each other like glue, never separating from one another for longer than a minute.
They decided to tell their teammates that they are dating now. Some were excited to hear the news, others couldn’t care less.
Everyone piled into the bus some time later, ready to go back to the university. Wooyoung and San sat next to each other, holding hands.
Hongjoong peeked over from the seat in front of them, chuckling a little. “Not afraid to be out in the open, huh?”
Wooyoung and San shook their heads simultaneously.
“Hey, you guys should thank me. Because of me, you two got together.”
“Captain~ You’re the best, thank you so much.” Wooyoung said.
“Now that’s what I like to hear. You’re welcome, kids.” Hongjoong beamed.
San leaned over to whisper in Wooyoung’s ear. “You ever wonder when Captain is going to stop calling us ‘kids’?”
Wooyoung snickered.
“Hey! I heard that. Maybe I’ll stop calling you ‘kids’ when you guys stop acting like kids. One of these days you're going to give me an ulcer!”
“That’s a great story, grandpa.” Wooyoung teased.
Hongjoong stuck out his tongue at Wooyoung in response and both Wooyoung and San broke into laughter.
San squeezed Wooyoung's hand tightly. “Now that everyone knows, there’s no going back.”
“I know that.” Wooyoung said. “And I wouldn't have it any other way.”
Wooyoung rested his head on San’s shoulder, closing his eyes. He drifted off to sleep not long afterwards, with a smile on his face.
It was a few weeks later when the day of their game against their rivaling college came around. Wooyoung grew nervous. He wasn’t necessarily the best player in the world, but he enjoyed the sport well enough. He and San had been playing since they were kids. In Wooyoung’s eyes, San was a much better player than he was.
As Wooyoung was changing into his uniform, San approached him. He opened his locker, grabbing a water bottle and drinking from it.
“Nervous about the game?”
“Just a little.” Wooyoung responded.
San ruffled Wooyoung’s hair. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re the best on the team.” Wooyoung mumbled.
“Do my ears deceive me or did you just give me a compliment?” San asked, leaning in closer.
The close proximity made Wooyoung nervous so he pushed San, causing him to back away.
“I always compliment you, what do you mean?” Wooyoung asked, averting his gaze.
“I usually have to pry it out of you.” San remarked, poking Wooyoung in the stomach.
His eyes wandered. He couldn’t help but notice how attractive San looked in his uniform.
Damn. He really looked so good.
“Like what you see?” San asked, putting the water bottle back in his locker. He smirked at the younger, his dimples poking through.
Wooyoung nodded.
He had finished changing despite the distraction, pulled a cap over his head to finish the look.
He wrapped his arms around San, bringing him closer to him. “You look gorgeous.”
“Mm, what if someone sees?” San asked.
“Everyone knows we’re seeing each other.” Wooyoung said, pressing a kiss to San’s temple.
“Still. They wouldn’t want to walk into this.” San said, kissing Wooyoung on the lips.
They kissed for a few minutes before they separated.
“We should probably get out there before Hongjoong hyung yells at us.” San said, pressing another kiss onto Wooyoung’s lips.
“Mhm.” Wooyoung wrapped his arms around San’s neck, kissing him again.
“Woo, we really have to go.” San said, grabbing onto Wooyoung’s waist.
“I hear you.” Wooyoung said, kissing San’s neck.
“Baby~”
“Yes, my love?” Wooyoung whispered in San’s ear.
San chuckled lightly. “Ah to hell with it.”
“Hmm?” Wooyoung asked.
San pulled Wooyoung by the collar roughly, taking him by surprise. His eyes widened.
“What are-” Wooyoung started but San didn’t let him continue as he crashed their lips together. Their caps bumped into each other, falling to the floor because of the impact.
They made their way to the bench that stood in the locker room. San was on top of Wooyoung, very greedily kissing him. He didn’t give Wooyoung a moment to breathe. Wooyoung bit San’s lower lip, he moaned.
Fuck.
He loved that sound.
It was San’s turn to kiss Wooyoung’s neck and oh , he was melting into his touch. The sounds that escaped his mouth surprised even him. San put his hand on Wooyoung’s mouth.
“Quiet now.” San said, breathing hard into Wooyoung’s ear.
“Stop teasing.” Wooyoung mumbled.
“I can’t help it.” San retracted his hand only for him to plant a wet kiss near Wooyoung’s mouth.
“Hmph.” Wooyoung got to his knees. “Well, I can tease you too.”
“Woo. Not now.”
“Sorry, what was that?” Wooyoung asked, unbuttoning San’s pants, pulling them down a little.
“ Woo.” San breathed out.
Wooyoung gave San an enticing look. “What?”
San was growing flustered, it was obvious in how he was avoiding Wooyoung’s gaze. “N- Nothing.”
He pressed a finger to San’s bulge, he flinched a little.
“How about it?” Wooyoung asked.
San nodded, his ears turning pink. God, he was cute when he was flustered.
Wooyoung pulled San’s pants even more. He looked at San for a gesture of agreement. He nodded again, giving Wooyoung the okay to continue.
San put his hand on Wooyoung’s head. Wooyoung looked up at him. “ Woo, don’t you dare tease me.”
Wooyoung shrugged, grinning. “Teasing's what I do best.”
“I swear to God-” San started but stopped when they heard a familiar voice shouting from a distance. It was their team captain yelling their names.
They froze.
“Hey! Don’t make me come in there. Get out here now!” Hongjoong shouted.
“Fuck!” San exclaimed. He pulled up his pants, buttoning them as quickly as he could.
Wooyoung couldn’t help but laugh at San’s sudden outburst. “Okay, tiger. Let’s get out there.”
He picked up San’s hat off the ground and placed it on San’s head, but not before giving him a peck on the cheek.
“I-” San started.
He elbowed San in the stomach as he left the room in a hurry. Super proud of himself for leaving behind a very flustered San.
Because if anything, he loved having the last word.