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In Copia’s defense, it was initially Terzo’s idea three months ago.
However, after Nihil shat in the backseat of his car, Copia finally agreed to Terzo’s ridiculous plan.
The four brothers were currently driving to every store that sold adult diapers in a 20 mile radius and purchasing their entire stock. So far, the entirety of the trunk was filled to its max as well as more than half the backseat.
“I told you we should’ve taken the ministry van,” Secondo grumbled in annoyance as he turned into yet another supermarket. “I can barely see out of the fucking rear window.”
“I’m aware that would be the logical decision,” Terzo said from the backseat. “However, this is more fun!”
“We also would have had to give a reason as to why we were needing to use the van,” the singular voice of reason throughout this ordeal, Primo, interjected as he turned to face his youngest brothers. “And neither of you three can bullshit a believable lie, even if your life depended on it and I sure as hell was not going to cover for you. I don’t even know why I agreed to this in the first place.”
“Because regardless of what you say,” Terzo said, leaning forward to get in his brother’s face with a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. “You love us so much.”
“Debatable.”
“You also want to do whatever you can to make Nihil’s life a nightmare,” Copia interjected.
“That’s more accurate,” Primo huffed out. “There’s a reason you’re my favorite out of the three of you.”
“I’m gonna kick your archaic ass once we step outside of this car,” Terzo threatened.
“And I’ll kick all of your asses out if you don’t shut the fuck up,” Secondo said, parking the car.
“Who’s credit card are we using here?”
“I thought we were using the ministry’s?” Terzo asked, head tilting to the side.
“Terzo,” Secondo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Please tell me that the three times you paid you didn’t use the ministry card.”
“If I say I did, are you gonna kick my ass?”
“Yes.”
“I definitely didn’t use the ministry card.”
“You fucking dumbass,” Primo groaned. “You realize they’re gonna see four $300 transactions from four different stores under the card issued to you, right?”
“C’mon, this is Terzo we’re talking about. I don’t think seeing that would come as too much of a shock to them,” Copia interjected, receiving a slap to the back of his head and a slew of insults from the second youngest.
“Let’s just finish this,” Secondo said as he got out of the car. “Being confined to a car with you three for the past two hours has been nothing but a nightmare.”
“Aww,” Terzo cooed as he climbed out of the car. “I love you too, my grumpy big brother!”. Secondo only sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes, not wanting to fuel Terzo’s pestering. The four brothers made their way into the store and headed straight for their intended aisle. After the last store where Secondo kept intentionally ramming the cart into Copia’s ankles, Primo designated himself to push the cart around the store.
“Do not,” Primo said, turning back and looking each of his brothers in the eye. “Cause another fucking scene again. Understood?” Terzo responded with an eye roll, Secondo a grunt, and Copia quickly nodding. With a sigh, Primo continued making his way across the, in his opinion, lousy supermarket with the three others right behind him.
“Fuckin hell, this place has more options than the last!” Terzo said. “I say we get him the purple ones with flowers printed on them.”
“He’ll hate that,” Secondo said. “Put all of them in the cart right now.” With a quick sweep of his arm, Terzo slid the entire row into the cart.
“Ok let’s go,” Primo said, whipping the cart 180 degrees and speed walking to the front with the three all but running to keep up with him. Once they made it to the registers, the three almost slammed into Primo, not realizing he had stopped.
“What’s wrong?” Copia asked.
“It’s all self-checkout,” Primo muttered.
“Perfect!” Terzo said excitedly, clapping his hands together. “Easier to steal!”
“I am not getting arrested for shoplifting piss pads,” Primo scolded. “We’ll figure this out. Somehow.”
“Fuckin hell, you fossil,” Secondo grumbled, shoving past his brother and pulling the cart up to a register. “I’ll do it.”
The four managed to work together rather efficiently; Copia handing them to Secondo, Secondo scanning them, handing them off to Primo, and Primo throwing it to Terzo who had pulled up an empty cart. If Primo “accidentally” hit Terzo in the face with a few packages, that was just human error. Once they were done and managed to fit everything into Secondo’s car (“This is the shittiest game of Tetris I have ever played.” “You know what Tetris is?!” “Keep it up and I’m strapping you to the roof.”), they made their way back to the Ministry with minimal bickering. Secondo pulled into the underground parking lot, parking his car near the lift. He turned the car off and looked around at his brothers.
“How the fuck are we getting all of this inside with nobody seeing us?” he asked.
“Which ghouls have the strongest grudge against Nihil?” Primo asked.
“Ifrit, Swiss, and Sodo,” Copia responded without hesitation.
“Get them and have them bring down some boxes,” Primo said, pointing at the two youngest brothers who nodded and ran off into the Ministry.
-
“Where the fuck are they?” Copia panted out, the two running around the ministry as they searched the usual spots they’d find the three ghouls.
“Who’s they?” a voice from behind them asked, causing both of the brothers to dramatically shriek and jump back.
“Swiss, don’t fucking do that to me again!” Copia scolded, much to Swiss’s amusement.
“I didn’t know you both could still jump like that!” Swiss exclaimed, a mischievous grin adorning his face. “Thought the arthritis would’ve made that impossible! Who are you looking for anyway?”
“You,” Terzo said, still clutching his chest. “And Ifrit. And Sodo.”
“Do I even want to know?”
“Just meet us where they drop off the weekly shipments,” Copia replied quietly. “And bring boxes.”
“Ooh I love surprises!” Swiss said giddily and ran off to find the other two.
-
The two brothers returned to Secondo’s car after the three ghouls did; watching them load up a box each and snickering among themselves.
“Please tell me we can help fuck up his office,” Sodo said once all of the brothers were within hearing distance. “I wanna staple some to his ceiling.”
“I like this one,” Secondo said, smirking at Sodo. “If you three come up with more ideas like that, I don’t see why not.”
-
“How did I not know ghouls could climb walls?” Secondo asked as he watched Sodo skitter across the ceiling, a stapler on his chest and a package of, in Sodo’s words, little piss boy pants, in between his teeth.
“You just never paid enough attention to them,” Terzo shrugged as he continued to superglue the briefs Swiss passes to him onto his father’s door. “Swiss, why is this one wet?”
“Oh I found lemonade and dipped that one in it,” Swiss said happily. “I also found some brown food coloring and doused another one in that. Gotta make it believable, ya know?”
“You three are really committing to this,” Secondo said, eyebrows raised in disbelief. “What did my father do to piss you all off this bad?”
“How much time you got?” Ifrit asked, looking up from the banner he had been assembling for the past 10 minutes.
“Not enough,” Primo answered for his brother. “We have about 20 minutes until Nihil gets back so just get as many of these things in as many inconvenient and ridiculous places as you can think of.”
The seven of them got back to work; Sodo continuing to staple them to the ceiling and making one of the others throw him a new package when he ran out, Secondo and Ifrit attempting to nail the banner the latter created into the ceiling, while Swiss, Terzo, and Copia super glued and/or taped them to various parts of the shower, ceiling, and walls. Primo, out of the kindness of his heart, made a covering for his office chair out of the leftovers. The four brothers and three ghouls scanned the room and observed their creation with a feeling of pride and spite. Out of the corner of his eye, Terzo saw a car pull into the Ministry and parked alongside the entrance.
“Shit,” he said. “Dad’s back. Let’s get out of here.” With that, the brothers scrambled to their offices while the ghouls made their way back to their designated areas.
“One of you better record that shit. I need to hear him cry.” Sodo growled threateningly at Terzo and Copia before darting after the others.
Terzo entered his office, setting his phone against the wall next to his father’s office. Rather impatiently, he waited and made himself appear to be busy; rereading some document he had read a hundred times before. Soon enough, he heard the door to his father’s office open with a loud bang and could all but hear his father trying to process what he was seeing.
“What the hell is this?!” Nihil exclaimed as he stomped around his office towards the adjacent bathroom.
“Who did this?!” Terzo struggled to suppress his laughter as he heard his father try to rip them off the wall, only to either fail or rip the paint straight off. “How in the…?” Nihil angrily questioned.
“On the ceiling?!” Terzo could hear Secondo next door losing his mind as he listened to their father rage.
“What the…?” Nihil stormed across his room, seemingly to his desk. “A note?” Terzo froze, none of them wrote anything. That would be too obvious.
“Congrats,” Nihil muttered, seemingly reading the note. “You have finally gone from a piss boy to a shit boy. Next step; the retirement home. Enjoy your gift, love…Sister?” As soon as they heard that, all four brothers let out a maniac laugh that was followed by their father screaming their names and storming out of his office.