Chapter Text
A cool gust of wind made Y/N pull her jacket in closer to her body while she sat on the steps of her porch in Jackson. There was a sense of nervousness and panic flooding her veins. She wondered if maybe she was too early for her planned date. She couldn’t believe she was actually worrying about a date. It had been so long since she had been on one. Who knew that living in a time like this would actually give time for people to have dates. That’s what was nice about Jackson. It brought back to life the way things used to be. At least somewhat.
When Y/N was brought to Jackson after her group was found, she didn’t believe it at first. A small little town that was closed off and protected that had electricity? It was an amazing thought. One that made her question if it was real to begin with. The only thing about Jackson was that to make everything work everyone had to work hard. It made you appreciate everything all the more.
It had been quite some time since she had arrived in Jackson and it had already been pretty eventful. She had come just before Tommy was reunited with his brother Joel who had become the talk of the town. When Joel had returned after leaving the first time, he became an important staple to the town. With his knowledge of construction along with his wits about the world in general, people often looked to him. Y/N was one of the fortunate people that got to work with him frequently. Well, to her she was lucky. Many people acknowledged that he was important to the community, but he could come off rather unfriendly and unwelcoming to others. He was working hard to break down that wall that he had obviously built up over the years, but it was taking a lot out of him. But Y/N saw beyond that tough exterior. He was a man with a good heart that was super charming when given the chance. All it took was Y/N getting to see him interact with Ellie for her to know how she felt about him.
A moment of bravery led to her asking Joel out on a date earlier today. At first when she asked him, it seemed like he didn’t know how to respond. It visibly caught him off guard and it almost immediately made her regret asking him because she assumed he didn’t feel the same way about her which led to her apologizing profusely. The long pause from Joel when she asked just made her assume that Joel didn’t feel the same way, but he did his best to get her to calm down and agreed to going out with her for a drink at the local bar they had in Jackson.
It had Y/N excited, probably too excited. She tried on multiple outfits before finally deciding on something to wear. It wasn’t like she had a wide array of clothing since it was the apocalypse after all and there was only so much she could choose from. It was a colder night for them in Jackson so she had to end up wearing a coat anyways.
With the sun going down, she wondered if Joel was going to show up at this point and it made her worry. Maybe he didn’t want to go on this date and he didn’t want to make her feel bad at work earlier. Right when she was about to give up, she heard footsteps approaching and lifted her head to see Joel standing before her. He seemed nervous when he swallowed down loudly and tossed his hands up in the air.
“Sorry, I was uh…getting a peptalk,” Joel explained with an uneven breath pointing back toward the house that he lived in. His graying hair seemed more properly groomed than it usually was and he sighed loudly. “Ellie told me I should shower and put on something nice.”
“I’ll have to thank her,” Y/N winked making a flush of color flood into Joel’s cheeks when she carefully stood from the steps that she was sitting on to move across the yard to him. “You look good.”
“Oh, thanks,” Joel quickly looked down at what he was wearing and cleared his throat uneasily. It took a minute before he gazed over her and nodded. “So do you.”
“We both look like we’re ready for the cold,” she teased him reaching out to playfully touch his shoulder seeing the way he shifted on his feet. It was a bit of an awkward moment, but she just pointed in the direction they were supposed to go. “You ready?”
“Sure,” Joel waited for her to go first and then he stepped in beside her to follow her toward town. There was a long silence between the two of them and he licked his lips in a nervous sweep. “I won’t lie to you Y/N, it’s been a very long time since I’ve been on a date of some kind. I’m not very good at this. I’m not very outgoing.”
“That’s okay,” she assured him with a shrug of her shoulders. “I know you’re a man of a few words, but I find the mystery about you all the more appealing. It makes me look forward to the future when I get to pull information out of you.”
The way his chocolate brown eyes gazed over at her made her smile because it seemed to interest him with what she said, “I know I’m probably a mess and I will say stupid things tonight so I immediately apologize ahead of time.”
“No, you’re good,” Joel shook his head and gave a small smirk. It wasn’t often that Joel smiled or even smirked so it made her heart flutter inside of her chest seeing it. Under the faint glowing lights of the town, Y/N couldn’t helped but be charmed with the fact that Joel appeared to try to groom his facial hair as well. The gray hair looked good with his tanned flesh and she knew that she was swooning too hard right now. She needed to dial it back a bit. When they got to the bar, Joel put on that southern gentleman charm and held the door open for her. “Ma’am.”
“Thank you,” she gave him a wink and headed inside feeling the warmth of the building surrounding them. It was loud and she noticed the way it made Joel uncomfortable. Noticing an empty table in the corner, Y/N motioned Joel to follow her and felt herself in awe with the way he helped her into her seat before going to his. Joel pulled off his jacket to reveal his plaid button-down shirt that he had chosen to wear.
“I didn’t realize it was so loud here,” Joel spoke louder than normal, leaning forward toward the table to get her attention. “Then again, I don’t really come here often. I like…sticking to myself.”
“Well I’m glad you decided to come here with me,” she extended her hand out across the table to place her hand in over his for a moment. Joel’s eyes shifted to look at the gesture and she unhurriedly pulled her hand away. She was way too eager to touch him and maybe it looked pathetic so early in the date. “Hopefully we can get to know one another more.”
“I think I know you pretty well,” Joel informed her, getting more comfortable in the seat before gazing around the busier bar that the people of Jackson had come to in order to relax after a long day of work.
“Oh yeah?” she found herself more so focused on Joel while he was taking in the area surrounding them. Joel was used to being on edge from the stories she heard from Tommy about his brother. So it made sense that he would be taking in everything all at once. “What do you know about me?”
“Well, I know you’re a good worker. Reliable. Trustworthy. Kind,” Joel listed off some things that made her smile when his brown eyes finally connected with hers. “You listen to folks. You’re easy to work with. You make working enjoyable.”
“I’m glad you think all of those things about me,” she admitted seeing him nod and she let out a long sigh. There was a boost of laughter that drew Joel’s attention away from her and she almost damned that they picked here for their ‘date’. Looking toward the corner where the pool tables were, she saw a group of people having fun together and Joel grunted. “What?”
“A lot of people in town seem to like that Negan guy,” Joel grumbled under his breath making her smirk when Joel shook his head and he seemed to roll his eyes.
“Not a fan, huh?” she teased him noticing the way that Joel seemed uncomfortable in the chair before her.
“He’s just…loud,” Joel explained stealing another look in the direction of everyone that was there. Negan’s eyes lifted from the pool table that he was at to see that both Y/N and Joel were staring out at him. A large smile pressed in over Negan’s chiseled features when he waved. It immediately made Joel freeze up because he didn’t know how to respond to it. It took him seeing Y/N wave back out of the corner of his eye to realize that it was Y/N Negan was waving to. “You two know one another?”
“Yeah, we work together a lot,” Y/N answered Joel about the newer member of Jackson. “He’s funny. Has the mouth of a sailor, but I like him. He makes work interesting most days when things get boring.”
“Oh,” Joel seemed tense after she admitted that she knew Negan. “So you’re like everyone else that is charmed by him, huh? You find him attractive?”
“Sure, he’s a good-looking guy,” she commented with a shake of her head noticing the way that Joel tensed up upon hearing her say that. Was it too soon for her to be excited at the idea that he might be jealous to hear that? Because it sure looked like he was jealous hearing that she thought Negan was a good-looking man. “Although, I think he’s already taken.”
“Is he?” Joel suddenly seemed interested further in Negan and it made her smile. That was something she would have never pinned Joel for. Being a gossip. But she found it cute. “With who?”
“I don’t know, he talks about a girl named Morgan all the time,” she thought back on previous conversations watching Joel’s face scrunch up like he was thinking about who she was talking about.
“I don’t know any girls named Morgan here,” Joel confessed, gazing over at Negan again wondering if it was one of the woman by the pool table. Each person that was there, Joel knew their names so he was rather flustered.
“Oh, so you know all the women in Jackson?” she replied in a teasing tone making Joel turn his head back toward her in a moment of surprise. “Should I be jealous?”
“I just make it my job to know the people I’m surrounded by,” Joel admitted with a simple shake of his head. “Being here I’ve yet to meet a Morgan so I’m just curious.”
“So I don’t have anything to be jealous about?” she pushed further making Joel’s face scrunch up in amusement before shaking his head. “Joel Miller doesn’t take out all the girls on dates then?”
“Come on,” Joel snorted with a roll of his eyes. “Should I be worried about Negan? You’re telling me that if he wasn’t taken, you would be here with him right now, aren’t you?”
“Did I say that? I think I said he was an attractive man that was taken,” she pointed out with a wink making Joel tip his head to the side while he eyed her over. “He’s not really the guy I’ve had my eye on for a while. There is someone else I’m very interested in.”
With the way his eyebrow arched, it showed that Joel was interested, but he had still been so focused on the rest of the group that when Negan started to head in over toward them, it made him groan out in frustration.
“Oh shit, now that he’s spotted you…he’s comin’ over,” Joel tried to hide his face to a degree and it amused Y/N to see that Joel was so antisocial in that moment.
Letting out a rumble of annoyance, Joel shifted again and sat forward in his seat when Negan headed over toward the table looking down at the two of them, “Hey you two! You care to join us for a game? Everyone’s surprised to see you here big guy.”
“Didn’t realize I made such an impact,” Joel scoffed making both Negan and Y/N glance at him since Joel often drew the most attention of anyone in Jackson with the way people looked to him with his past along with his knowledge of everything. “I’m not all that interested.”
“Fair enough,” Negan chuckled looking down to Y/N with a big smile. “You finally got that date, huh?”
“Excuse me?” Joel’s southern drawl made Negan’s eyebrow arch up in amusement.
“I may have talked to Negan about…things,” she felt her cheeks flush over making a snort fall from Negan before it turned into an amused rumble of laughter. It made Joel want to ask questions, but she was clearly embarrassed. What kinds of things did she talk about Negan with when it came to Joel? “A lot.”
“This one doesn’t hide shit from you, I fucking promise you that,” Negan reached out to place his hand in over Y/N’s shoulder to give it a firm squeeze. “I hope the two of you enjoy your night. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
There was an uncomfortable laugh that escaped Joel’s lips and he brushed his fingers through his hair when Negan backstepped away from the table, “Hey Negan. Where’s Morgan?”
“Fuck, you know about Morgan? You really do know everything, don’t you?” Negan seemed amazed that Joel seemed to know about the woman that Y/N had mentioned. “Wow…she’s with her friend’s family right now.”
“You didn’t want to bring her here?” Joel threw his hand about making Negan’s nose wrinkle and his thick eyebrows furrowed. “I just thought you would want to bring your girl with you on a night like this.”
“Do you bring Ellie to a place like this?” Negan stammered, his head bobbing about in almost a dramatic manner making a breath catch in Joel’s throat. What the hell kind of a question was that?
“Of course not,” Joel immediately shook his head making Negan’s dimples enhance as if he was entertained with what Joel was saying to him. “Ellie doesn’t belong in a place like this and she’s not…just no.”
“Then I think you would understand why I’m not bringing Morgan to a place like this,” Negan reasoned with Joel, shrugging his shoulders drastically before pointing back toward the pool table that was behind him. “But if you ever want man, you’re welcome to come over and meet Morgan. She’d probably be thrilled since there are so many fucking stories about you. You’re like a real-life comic book character to her.”
“What?” Joel seemed lost and they both went silent. There was awkward tension between all three of them before Joel cleared his throat. “No, yeah. I would like that. I’ll have to meet her at some point.”
“Well this isn’t fucking weird or anything, I’ll just…talk to you later Y/N,” Negan gave her a wink and headed back toward the pool table to the group that was waiting for him. Y/N seemed amused with the interaction, but it really just left Joel flustered.
“What were we talking about before he came over here?” Joel pulled himself from his thoughts finding Y/N’s eyes hooked on him and it made him let out a nervous laugh. “What?”
“I was telling you that I had my eye on someone else,” she recalled making Joel tap his hands against the table giving her a small nod.
“Oh yeah? Who?” Joel blurt out making her chuckle when she stared out across the table at him. Giving him a nod, Joel let out an embarrassed breath when he dropped his head down and grumbled something underneath his breath. “That was stupid.”
“I mean, I think it’s obvious who I like considering I asked you here tonight,” she reasoned with Joel seeing the embarrassed expression over his features when he slowly lowered his head to look up at her. “I did ask you out on this date.”
“I didn’t know if it was a date or just…a hang out thing with two friends,” Joel spoke up being honest with her about things. “Ellie insisted it was a date, but I didn’t want to assume things and make this whole thing uncomfortable.”
“Well then I will just put it all out on the table and make it known…” she began leaning across the table and he did the same so that he could hear her when she spoke up in a whisper. “I am extremely attracted to you Joel. I have been since the moment that you showed up in this town. I think you’re gorgeous. I like you very much, but most of all I love the way you interact with Ellie and take care of her. I feel like there is a lot to you that people don’t see and I want to get to know that man better. The one you hide from everyone.”
Joel was quiet, his dark eyes locked on hers with his eyebrows furrowed as she spoke, “Does that scare you away from the situation? Because if you aren’t interested, I’d really rather you tell me right now so I don’t get my hopes up.”
“No,” Joel shook his head, his lips parting while he tried to gather himself. “What I mean is, I find you very beautiful. I like you.”
“I like you too,” she felt her heart flutter hearing Joel call her beautiful. It made her happy to know that her feelings weren’t exactly one sided. Joel was quiet and unsure of himself, but it made him all the more appealing to her. “I tell you what? How about we get out of here and just take a walk. So the two of us could actually talk and get to know one another better.”
“Sure,” Joel stood up from the table without question and reached for his jacket. They were barely in that bar long enough to matter really. But when they were out Joel seemed relieved.
“So you’re not a fan of groups of people?” she confirmed with Joel who groaned out at the idea of it.
“I just have been kind of a loner most of my life. I’m not used to people putting their guards down so easily. After the things I’ve seen over the last twenty years of my life, I have to be on guard. It’s just hard not to be,” Joel confessed with a shrug of his shoulders. “It’s hard for me to pretend that life is normal here. Like there isn’t a shitload of awful people out there or infected. So yeah, I’m not big on groups and being…loud.”
“Understandably so,” she muttered just enjoying that they were standing closer to one another with her shoulder rubbing up against his. “Ellie is a bit…loud.”
“She’s the exception,” Joel snorted with a shake of his head. “But she also took a while for me to get used to as well.”
“What happened there?” she whispered seeing Joel think about it for a minute before he bit down on his bottom lip. “Too much?”
“She just means a lot to me. We took a journey together and…I just want to keep her safe,” Joel admitted to her knowing that he wanted to leave out certain details considering how special Ellie actually was to him. “I would just do anything to keep her safe.”
“I love that,” she explained with a smirk knowing that it surprised Joel. “Seeing a good father, or father figure in this case is just incredibly sexy to me.”
“Ah, so you have daddy issues,” Joel was so blunt, but a smirk tugged at his features showing that it was his attempt at joking with her and giving her a hard time. “I just, you have to have realized there is obviously an age gap between us.”
“I’m not that young,” she replied back in a rebuttal and it made Joel snort.
“And you’re not that old either. Once you get to my age and everything aches, you’ll understand what I’m saying,” Joel teased her with a shake of his head and a long sigh. “Your body is still fresh.”
“Oh?” her eyebrows bounced up and she saw the color flood into his cheeks again.
“You know what I mean,” Joel grumbled making her laugh. It entertained her that she could get Joel to blush. She wondered how many people had been able to do that lately.
“I’m sure your body is still fresh too,” she bit down on her bottom lip knowing that it was her attempt at flirting with him. “From what I can tell at least. You’re strong. It’s very appealing. I’d love to get to know your body more.”
“Wow, you’re…forward,” Joel coughed making her roll her eyes before shrugging her shoulders. “It’s not a bad thing. Just wow.”
“Dial it back, I got it,” she frowned making Joel scoff before shaking his head. “I just find you very attractive and I think you need to know that.”
“Okay then,” Joel responded with a nod, his eyes narrowing out at her when he pushed his hands into his pockets. “So you are more so looking for a booty call with an older man that is strong because that is your type.”
“You’re my type,” she corrected him making Joel laugh for the first time tonight.
“You avoided the booty call part,” Joel pointed out making her heart skip a beat and she didn’t answer him. “So you just want to get laid?”
“You’re the one talking about getting laid,” she responded feigning a sense of innocence to her. “I just really like you Joel and while I’m not turned off by the idea of sleeping with you, I don’t really want it to be a one-time thing. I like you.”
“Why?” Joel stammered and it made her laugh. “Seriously. There is nothing about me that I could see being appealing to people.”
“Are you ignoring everything I’ve already said to you tonight?” she huffed, turning to Joel and she stopped walking. Joel did the same and turned to face her. “I really like you, Joel. If you like me too, I’d love to see this be something more than just a booty call.”
“I’m not very good with relationships,” Joel confessed to her with an exaggerated sigh. “I have a hard time expressing my feelings because of…things.”
“Okay?” her eyebrow arched while he bobbed his head from side to side trying to think of what to say.
“I’ve only been in two really big relationships in my life. One was my wife that I got divorced from before this whole world went to shit. The other…” Joel thought back on Tess and he felt his chest ache. Life never really gave him the time to mourn the person he had been with over sixteen years. And even when he was with Tess, he never was very capable of being affectionate and intimate with her. “Let’s just say things didn’t end well. I’m not the most affectionate person in the world. Because of the loss and the things I’ve been through in my life, it makes it hard for me to get close to people. I put up these barriers and they are hard to take down darlin’.”
“I feel like if you had the right person in your life, you could break down those walls a little bit and you wouldn’t have to be so guarded,” she suggested and it made Joel tense up. There was a hopefulness in her expression that showed she desperately wanted to be that person. He didn’t know exactly how to tell her that the last person he had been with was a woman he cared greatly for over sixteen years. A woman who died believing that Joel never truly loved her. “We all have sad stories to go with our pasts Joel and I’m willing to work through things with you if we get to that point.”
“The thing is Y/N, I’m hard…” Joel was trying to think of a way to explain himself that wouldn’t let her down too hard and he saw her face scrunch up. Her eyes lowered and he let out a frustrated sound seeing that she was fucking with him again in the way that she took what he said. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“I’m sorry, it was the way you said it,” she giggled reaching out to poke at the center of his chest making Joel step back. “I get your warnings and I hear you, but I would still like to try to get to know you better and see where things go if you give me a chance.”
“Well at least you’re persistent,” Joel commented making her snicker before nodding. This was the first interest she had in someone in a very long time. Of course she wasn’t going to give up hope on this one. “I give you that.”
“Thank you,” she bit at her bottom lip and took in a long shallow breath. “I’m sure within time I could make you love me. I’m a very lovable person.”
“Uh…” Joel swallowed down the lump that was in his throat hearing that word. It was a word he had never even used during his time with Tess, but he wasn’t certain that he wanted to tell Y/N that. This was the first woman that had showed an interest in a long time toward him and he didn’t want to scare her off. “I don’t doubt that.”
Clearing his throat, he noticed that it was getting cold and it was pretty dark out, “While I enjoy walking, how about the two of us go back to my place for some coffee or something?”
“Coffee?” she repeated what he offered. “At night? You looking to stay up all night?”
“Well I don’t sleep much to begin with,” Joel informed her with a simple shrug of his shoulders. “Tea? A beer? I don’t care. Something.”
“Yeah, that sounds nice,” she agreed to head back over to his house with him finding herself excited at the idea of getting to be at his house with him. While they headed back toward his place, she found herself wondering something in that moment. “What about Ellie?”
“What about Ellie?” Joel repeated her words and shrugged. “Ellie has her own place in the garage in my backyard. I set up something nice for her there so she feels like she has her own space. Her own independence, but I still get to watch her.”
“Oh yeah?” Y/N noticed that the lights were on outside in the garage area as they passed down the street when she got a glimpse of his backyard. They walked up the steps to his home and up the stone walkway. “Do many people get to be in Joel Miller’s home?”
“Ellie, Tommy and Maria pretty much,” Joel answered her when he got the door open, holding his hand up for her to enter. “Now you.”
Entering his home, she took a look around as he closed up the door behind her after following her in. It smelled like him. And if you knew what Joel smelled like it was often a woody scent likely from all the woodwork that he did even in his spare time. People knew that he liked to carve things and also made guitars. Joel was starting to open up to people and was even trying to give people guitar lessons, but it was pretty rare. It was more so for the kids in the town.
His home was pretty bare, but she knew that Joel was a simple man. Joel took his jacket off and put it on the coat hanger before reaching for her coat to help her take it off. It still charmed her that he had that southern chivalry and kept it alive this long into the future. Many people lost that a long time ago and she found it charming.
“I’m going to make myself some coffee,” Joel announced nodding toward the kitchen area of his home. “You’re welcome to join me or I could make you some tea.”
“I can drink coffee,” she smirked following him over toward the kitchen noticing the way that he limped as he made his way to that part of his house. “I like your place, Joel.”
“You’ve barely seen it,” Joel muttered making her chuckle. “But thank you.”
Heading toward the corner of the kitchen where the cabinets met, she leaned back and braced herself while she watched Joel gather what he needed to make his coffee, “So since I was honest about my relationships, what about you?”
“You can ask me anything Joel and I’ll be completely honest with you. There isn’t much to say in terms of important relationships in my life. Nothing too serious,” Y/N answered Joel after he asked her about her personal life. “Like you pointed out, I was a bit younger than you when this world fell to shit so it didn’t leave a whole lot of time for relationships and getting close to someone. Being here in Jackson is the first time I’ve had any kind of sturdy moment in my life.”
“Touché,” Joel grumbled under his breath, turning to face her and he rest his back up against the island in the middle of his kitchen. There was a silence while he gazed over the lengths of her body. Everything she had said to him tonight replayed in his mind and he was trying to think of what he wanted to say to her. “So you want to date me?”
“Do you want to date me?” she tipped her head to the side watching Joel’s eyebrows tense and his jaw flexed while he looked her over. Having him ask her that was almost cruel. He knew how she felt about him. She made it very clear throughout their time together. So she wasn’t going to answer that until he gave her an answer himself.
“I’m still thinking about it,” he slurred making her eyes get big and she nodded. “What would make me want to date you?”
“Other than the glowing recommendation you gave me earlier?” she replied with a bit of an offended tone. “What’s not to like?”
“You’re arrogant,” Joel seemed to be finding fun in making her tense. “I don’t even know if you’re a good kisser at this point. How can I date someone if I don’t even know what they kiss like?”
“You’re questioning if I’m a good kisser or not?” she placed her hand over the center of her chest watching Joel shrug and seem so nonchalant about things. “What if you’re not a good kisser?”
“Oh, I’m a good kisser,” Joel responded with a grumble, curling his fingers around the edge of the countertop. “So if there is a problem with us kissing, I know it has to be you because I can kiss.”
“Now who is the arrogant one?” she stammered, boldly stepping forward making Joel’s dark eyes follow her movements. Stepping before Joel, she reached up to curl her fingers around the side of his neck to bring him down. Tipping up on her toes just enough, she pulled him forward to bring their lips together. With a hum, Joel kissed her back making it vibrate against her lips. The kiss lingered before she pulled back with a shuddering breath. The warmth of his breath over hers was drawing chills down her spine and Joel tipped his head back slightly. “Was that a bad kiss?”
“Too short to tell,” he growled, palming in over the side of her face with his thumb stroking over her cheekbone. Lowering in again, he watched her eyes flutter to a close before he captured her lips in another kiss. This one was stronger, the warmth of Joel’s lips caressing hers into a desperate surrender. When he pulled away, he sucked faintly at her bottom lip and hissed. “Well, we know that you like my kissing. I told you.”
With her lips glistening from the kiss, Joel found himself in awe with the way that Y/N was looking at him. He wasn’t sure if anyone ever looked at him like that. Not even Tess saw him in the way that Y/N did right now and he knew that. He wasn’t used to so much longing and hopefulness from someone. Especially when it came to him. It had been so long since he had felt the warmth of another person pressed against him. Being able to kiss someone again awoke something inside of him and he liked it, “but you don’t kiss too bad yourself. I’ll take it into consideration when thinking about whether or not I may want to date you.”
“You’re a cruel man, aren’t you Joel Miller?” she licked her lips making his face scrunch up while her hands settled in over the center of his chest. It kept her braced against him while it felt like the world was spinning around her.
“Very, haven’t you heard from the people in town?” Joel whispered against her lips, pressing faint kisses over her bottom lip. At this point there was no doubt in his mind that he had her eating out of the palm of his hand. Just the small amount of attention that he had given her had her breathing unevenly. Her pupils were dilated with lust and want for him. “I’m very harsh and hard to please.”
“I guess I will just have to work harder,” she bit at her bottom lip, her hands dragging down over the planes of his abdomen. When her fingers got to the button in his jeans, she plucked it open making Joel swallow down loudly. “As I aim to please.”
“Y/N,” Joel grumbled when she managed to get the zipper down in his jeans. Maybe this is where he should have stopped her. This was someone who really liked him. Yeah, he was hoping it would lead to something like this. It had been so long since he got to fool around with someone, so he kept his mouth shut when she looked to him with such desire.
Biting down onto his bottom lip, he closed his eyes when he felt her hand dipping beneath the material swiftly to palm in over his body. It made his eyelids get heavy and he tipped his head back to stare out at her while she caressed over him through the material of his boxers. With an arch of his eyebrow he watched her lower down to her knees before him. All it took was a tug to get his jeans to his ankles before she reached for the waistband of his boxers and took no time in getting those down his body as well. Looking up at Joel, she kept her eyes hooked on his when her fingers curled around his hardening cock. Soft strokes of her fingers over his body made him grasp tightly to the edge of the counter. When he was solid in her grasp, she straightened up on her knees before him and dragged her tongue out over the tip of his manhood making his knees buckle somewhat until he managed to gather himself. His eyes rolled back to a close when her lips surrounded his girth sucking faintly at his sensitive flesh. With her tongue lapping at his skin, Joel knew that it had been so long since someone actually took their time to pleasure him. It wasn’t something that he knew he needed, but now that he was actually having it, he knew that it had been too long.
With his eyes closed, everything felt so much more enhanced when Y/N took him further into the warmth of her mouth. Arching his hips forward, Joel growled and lowered his left hand to sink his fingers into her hair. Fluttering his eyes to an open, he watched her while she took her time to bob her head over the length of his erection and it made his heart hammer inside of his chest. Each pull back of her head had her tongue dragging along the underside of his shaft making his whole-body tense up. Curling his fingers tighter into her hair, Joel urged her further down his length making her eyes come to a tight close.
Thrusting his hips forward made a wet noise fall from her throat before he started to pull his hips backward before thrusting forward. They were uneven thrusts, but it felt so good having the warmth of her mouth surrounding him. Licking his lips, he found himself completely charmed with the way she was attempting to give him what he wanted. Tugging back on her hair, he heard the wet sound that filled the air when her lips pulled from his solid length and he used his other hand to drag his thumb out over her bottom lip. A muted groan fell from his throat with her kissing at the pad of his thumb.
“Get up,” Joel demanded of her, reaching out to pull her up toward him and it made her fall in against his chest. Reaching out to unplug the coffee machine, Joel could feel Y/N’s lips at the side of his neck while she worked open the buttons of his plaid shirt. Fumbling through his motions, Joel did his best to work her pants down her body hearing her whimpering against his kisses.
As soon as they managed to get the material from one of her legs, he was quick to curl his arms around her thighs to pick her up and press her back against the counter. Bracing her, Joel used his strength to keep her up when he reached between them to push her panties aside. Grabbing a hold of his straining cock, he teased the swollen tip through her sensitive folds before lining his body up with her entrance. With a roll of his hips, he heard her crying out and sinking her fingers into his thick, gray hair. Joel buried his nose against the side of her neck cherishing the warmth of her body enveloping his. Sinking further into her, Joel heard her purr out and he did his best to steady himself. The sensation of her surrounding him was something he didn’t know that he needed, but it was an addictive feeling and he wanted more of it.
When he felt like she was prepared enough, he started to buck his hips up toward her again and again. With him filling her, she was crying out and it fueled him to know that she appeared to like what they were doing. Doing his best to keep a hold of her, Joel took his time leaving kisses over her jawline and neck knowing that she was a shuddering mess before him.
“Joel,” she cried out his name and it made Joel’s eyes close tightly, his lips parting with their uneven movements together. His hips smacked up against hers while he thrust into her time and time again. Her fingers tugged at his graying hair while her other hand clawed at his shoulder making Joel hiss out against her lips. “Please…”
Joel wasn’t exactly the most verbal lover, but the occasional moan that he released drew chills up and down her spine. This wasn’t exactly where she thought their first date would go, but she wasn’t complaining. In fact, this was the ultimate dream come true for her. The strength of Joel’s thrusts led her to cling to him tightly and a few of the items on top of his counter fell over making Joel huff. Lowering her down, Joel felt her fingers pushing up underneath the material of his unbuttoned shirt to let it drop down his arms while she caressed over the strength of his bicep. Joel’s lips hovered over hers. Their breath was warm against each other’s and he could feel her hips still rocking toward him wanting that friction that he had put a halt too.
Dropping the material of his shirt on the ground, Joel wasn’t gentle or slow about the way he got the rest of her clothes off before forcing her to face the island. With a gasp, her hands grasped the edges of the counter while she tried to steady herself with Joel moving her where he needed her. His right hand urged her hips where he needed them while his left curled around her body to palm up the lengths of her abdomen before squeezing at her full breast.
Wrapping his fingers around his throbbing length, he led the tip to her ready entrance and pushed forward sinking into her almost completely before pulling out. It made her whine before he repeated the motion several times. Having her shaking before him while laid out across the counter made him chuckle.
“You’d never make it out there with how loud you are,” Joel informed her, lowering down enough to place a wet kiss between her shoulder blades. Following the movement of her spine, he kissed down her back before snapping his hips forward once more to bring them together again allowing all of him to sink into her. “We’d be dead with the way you’re reacting.”
“We’re not out there, we’re here,” she licked her lips, cooing out with the feeling of him inside of her. “You feel so big inside of me. Why don’t you lighten up and use that cock of yours to make me cry. I bet your proud of the sounds you’re making come out of me.”
“I’d almost be offended if you weren’t making them,” Joel quipped nipping at her shoulder. Squeezing his arm around her waist had his bicep flexing while he brought her back against him with every thrust forward he made inside of her.
With her warmth surrounding him and contracting around his thick length, he found himself getting lost in the moment. Each movement was fueled on what felt good in that moment and he was craving every second of it. His breathing got louder, but he wasn’t exactly giving in to being verbal with her. With a firm smack forward of his hips, he had her crawling forward, but his hips followed her movements. Hooking his fingers into her hair, he kept her where she was and gazed down at him inside of her. Her arousal was coating his body and it made him lick his lips. The fact he had held off this long on getting intimate with someone even surprised him. Another whine fell from her lips with him leaving himself stagnant inside of her.
Pressing his chest up against her back, he reached to hook his fingers with hers. Squeezing them firmly, he took his time rolling his hips behind her. With each soft smack of his skin against hers, his thrusts became somewhat quicker and just a bit harder. In no time, he had her crying out his name with her fingers hooking tighter to his while he pounded into her from behind. It was obvious that Joel was a very physical person. The way he had sex showed that.
“Almost there,” he coached her with his teeth nibbling at her earlobe with him making sure to be closer to her. The wet smacking sounds filled the kitchen and he hoped that he wasn’t being so loud with Y/N that it would draw Ellie’s attention from his backyard.
“Joel,” she whimpered, her eyes slamming shut when she pushed up on her toes but he didn’t allow her to pull away from him when she orgasmed. Joel longed to feel that sweet, intoxicating sensation of her body contracting around his while she shook. The noises she made had him smiling, but there was still that longing he had to come. It had been so long since he had a release and now that he was on the edge of building himself up to it, he was desperate to get it. “Please…please let me see you.”
“Uh…” Joel lifted his head to look around the kitchen before finally pulling back and away. When his solid length pulled from her warmth, he watched her shudder while taking a minute laid out across the counter to try to calm her breathing. Grabbing a chair, Joel pulled it out from the table and lowered down onto it. Stretching out his legs, he tapped his thigh and motioned her to come to him. “I’m all ready for you.”
Pushing herself up onto her feet, it felt like her legs were Jell-O with the high that Joel had given her body by absolutely having his way with her. Taking a moment to stare out at his body while he was stretched out in the wooden chair, she couldn’t help but have her throat go dry looking at him, “This is the moment where I wish I was an artist of some kind. You are perfection.”
“Stop,” Joel snorted, looking down at his body. The prominent thing that stood out to him was the scar that was left from his injury over his lower abdomen. Letting out a shuddering breath, Joel felt Y/N bracing herself over him while her hands grabbed at the back of the chair. Biting into his bottom lip, Joel tipped his head to the side and cleared his throat. “You’re the beautiful one.”
“I think everything about you is amazing,” she took her time, resting her weight against Joel’s thighs while she got comfortable over him and just started caressing over his body. It made a lump develop in his throat at how delicate she was and how attentive she was to every part of him. Sliding her hands down over his broad shoulders, she took her time to appreciate the flesh before palming down over his chest and toward his lower abdomen. When her fingertips touched at the puckered healing flesh over his body, it made him uncomfortable and she could see that he was uneasy about it. “It shows how strong you are. Don’t be ashamed of your scars. It shows the world how hard you fought to stay here. You’re the strongest man I know Joel.”
“Yeah?” Joel felt vulnerable in that moment. His Adam’s apple bounced in his throat and his chocolate brown eyes were hooked on hers. With a nod, she pressed in to hover her lips over his making Joel lick his lips. There was a want to be kissed. This whole time he had been arrogant. Wanting a certain thing from her and that was pleasure. Something he had been lacking for so very long, but with her touching him and saying the things that she was he found himself in awe of the woman over him. “I’m deeply flawed Y/N.”
“I can help fix you,” she hushed him, leaning forward to meet his lips in a longing kiss that took her breath away. For so long she had been swooning over Joel and the fact she was sharing such an intimate moment with him made her feel special.
“There is no fixing me, I was broken a very long time ago,” he grunted against her lips when he felt her reaching between them. Taking her time, she lowered and led him back toward her entrance and allowed herself to get used to him inside of her again with that beautiful stretching feeling. Wincing, Joel tipped his head back, his hands caressing all over her body. With a cry, she bit down at her bottom lip and tipped her head back. Her fingers braced over his abdomen while she was meticulous in the way she bounced her hips over his. Having her like this made things more intimate. It brought them closer together and maybe when he brought her back here, he did think that it would just be a booty call but having her in this way made his view change of her. It was clear she had a way bigger crush on him than he did her, but he had always found her beautiful. There was just that whole problem of getting intimate with others. After everything that he lost, Joel never wanted to get close to people and it took a lot. Even his relationship with Ellie was hard, but he was doing the best he could to open himself up. With a grunt, his fingers squeezed at her hip and he was sure it would have likely left a mark. “I am what I am.”
“You have to be willing to let others in,” she reached for Joel’s hands, lifting them up to press them back against the top of the chair. Tipping forward, her lips hovered over his and Joel’s chocolate-colored eyes were focused on hers. Her movements had become steady. When she found something that Joel visibly liked she kept at it. So desperately she wanted him to break down the walls that he was holding to enjoy himself, but he stayed quiet. An occasional faint moan fell from his lips which she considered a small victory for herself. What really was her reward in all of this was the way his eyes stayed locked with hers with the muscle in his jaw flexing. It was the most connected she had been with him all night. With a faint rumble, Joel’s eyes rolled back to a close with his head resting back against the chair. The way she was riding him was obviously something he was enjoying and she brought their lips together. “Let go Joel…”
A shuddering exhale escaped his lips, his brow line creasing when she felt him throbbing inside of her. His hips bucked up toward her to chase that release and she mewled out into his mouth feeling the warmth of his release inside of her. Their fingers were hooked together when she lowered them back down. Joel’s eyes lazily opened and he started kissing down over her jawline and toward her neck.
“Was that okay for you?” she searched for any kind of praise from Joel, wincing when he nipped at her flesh. It was almost like he was marking her as his own and she liked it. Joel’s rough palms were caressing up and over her back toward her shoulders and back down again where Joel grasped her ass firmly.
“More than,” Joel answered her, enjoying the way that she touched him and caressed over his scalp. “Thank you, I needed that. Very much.”
That night she didn’t leave his home. They spent the rest of it together just drinking coffee and talking. By morning when she had to go to work, she didn’t want to leave him. Joel wasn’t someone who talked much exactly and it took a lot to get it out of him, but she did her best. Thing was, she wanted to be with him all the time when they were free. And he didn’t exactly turn her down.
Not long after their first night together Joel realized that they were spending a lot of their free time together so he asked her to move in with him. It made more sense being together than having her house just sitting there. It freed it up for another family in the future to take and it was nice to have someone else to share his home with. Things weren’t as quiet anymore and that was a good thing. It was everything she could have wanted in getting closer to Joel.
A year had passed with them living together and while Y/N was happy, Joel had been very upfront and honest with her from the start. Since that day they got together, he never called her his girlfriend. He never told her that he loved her. There was a severe lack of affection, one that she thought she could fix, but she wasn’t sure that Joel was capable. After a year of trying she realized that it was likely never going to come.
They shared a house together and bed, but even now as they were lying in bed together Joel was at the opposite end of the bed turned in the direction away from her. Gazing back over her shoulder, Y/N longed to have Joel hold her. There was a desperation to be cuddled. Joel’s arms and chest were so nice, but he was so cold to anything like that. So many times she had told him she loved him, but he would often blow it off with a grunt. He hated using those words and often told her that it was rushing things. At the beginning of this relationship, she was hopeful. It had been a year, why would she be rushing things with love? They were living together. They shared their life together. It felt real to her.
At this point, it just felt like they were roommates. Two people that were together so they weren’t alone. They would just go about their day, come home and maybe talk about it before going to bed again. They were two people that occasionally had sex that honestly lacked intimacy in so many ways. Regardless of how many times Joel turned her down with affection, it didn’t stop her from trying. She was determined that one day she would be able to get Joel to change for her. She wanted to believe that. She had to believe that.
Looking over her shoulder again, she could see that Joel was shaking in his sleep. He was having a nightmare and she let out a long sigh. Turning over, she scoot toward his side of the bed and wrapped her arms around him. It calmed his body having her comfort him like that. Nuzzling her nose at the bottom of his neck, she felt him opening up to the idea of her holding onto him. Hooking her fingers with his, she stroked her thumb over the back of his hand feeling Joel squeezing her hand in his.
Joel’s breathing changed showing that he had waken up and she pressed a loving kiss against his cheek, “I love you, so much.”
Joel said nothing, just scoot back in closer to her to have her hold him tighter in her grasps. She assumed that he was trying to pretend that he was still sleeping, but she knew his breathing. After a year you got to learn the person you shared a home and a bed with. There was a longing in her heart that hurt. In her eyes, Joel was perfect. He was everything to her, but she wished that some nights he would do this with her. Hold her in his arms and whisper sweet nothings to her.
All of Jackson knew that they were living together. It wasn’t like there was a person that didn’t know they were with one another. But Joel still had a whole lot of issues showing that intimacy. Hand holding in public wasn’t for him. Kissing seemed to embarrass him around others. So everything was behind closed doors. Y/N was in love, Joel was comfortable. There was a huge difference in the way they acted toward one another. She thought they were in a relationship, but by the way Joel acted she wondered if he just thought they were really close friends with benefits.
In time, Joel’s breathing went back to what it was when he was asleep and she felt her throat tightening. Just once she wanted to hear him say that he loved her. That he cared about her. That life wouldn’t be the same without her. Yet, she got none of those things. He told her that he liked her. That he enjoyed her company. That life was no longer boring or lonely because of her, but honestly? She was extremely lonely and it was the worst feeling in the world. To love someone so much and feel like they didn’t feel the same was soul crushing. But she forced her emotions down. She loved Joel so much that she couldn’t picture not having him in her life.
She lived for moments like these. At least Joel let her comfort and console him. Getting to touch him was the greatest gift that she could have, but she didn’t know what to do anymore to try to get Joel to be affectionate with her. She was becoming touch starved. She wanted that emotional connection with Joel, but he wasn’t giving in. She was surprised that he okayed her moving in with him in the first place because he really liked having his own space. Sometimes she thought he did it just to appease her. To give her something since she so desperately wanted to feel anything more from him.
Joel had opened up to her about Sarah and vaguely talked about Tess. It was Tommy that had really kept her in the loop with things. And it was because of Tommy that she never gave up on Joel. Tommy promised her time and time again that Joel cared for her. That it would just take time. That Joel needed someone not to give up on him and damnit, she was trying. Harder than she had ever tried before in any relationship.
The best moments they shared together were those that were spent with Ellie. Ellie got Joel to relax, to the best of his ability really. It was amazing what that kid could do to change Joel around. When they were all together, it was the only time they really felt like a family. There were hopes that if Ellie found a way to love Y/N that Joel would soon too. It was just taking longer than expected. Y/N never wasted a minute with Joel in letting him know how she felt about him. And she hoped that in time, he would learn to feel the same way about her as she did him.