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Illicit Emotions

Summary:

Kageyama Tobio, the best soldier in the family was assigned to a secret mission where he was ordered to kill his superior Sugawara Koushi. To make it look like a natural death, Kageyama hatched the perfect plan. But what he didn't consider was that his strategy could backfire and as the day kept drawing close he found himself making the most challenging choices in his life and tackling these unfamiliar feelings.

Notes:

*Characters are time skip aged
*Warning:
Has mentions of blood and shootings

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Kageyama was the best soldier in the Karasuno mafia family. He has no doubt that he is the best and always has been. Others either look at him in awe or in jealousy. However, what others think of him was none of his concerns. All he had to do was follow the ideologies he set for himself- one, complete his missions and two, rise up the ranks. Boss Ukai personally called him to his office to assign him on a mission.

"Kageyama your contribution to the family is very praiseworthy. I believe you'll be able to accomplish the mission that I'm about to give you-" Ukai said as he motioned his hand towards Takeda, the underboss indicating him to fill Kageyama in on the mission.

"First of all, Kageyama this is a top-secret mission so you are not to discuss this with anyone else."

"I understand," Kageyama replied with a stoic face. Whatever the mission was the boss trusted him with it so he must do it.

"Your mission is to kill Sugawara Koushi."

Did his ears deceive him? Kageyama was stunned when he was given the assignment to kill Sugawara. He had never spoken to him before, but he knew of his reputation as one of the best soldiers in the family. He couldn't understand why the boss would want him dead, but he knew better than to question him.

His confusion was visible to Takeda so he clarified, "Sugawara is one of the best members of the family. He is free-spirited. Unfortunately for him, he knows a bit too much and that could jeopardize the safety of the family. You understand right Kageyama?"

"Of course, we must destroy everything that threatens the safety of the family," it's an oath that Kageyama had engraved into his soul. It was the first thing everyone in the family has to follow.

"You have to make it look like the family is not involved in his death. Can you do this?" Although it looked like Kageyama was provided with a choice, he wasn't. He had to kill Sugawara Koushi.

Kageyama himself couldn't help but respect Suga after hearing nothing but praises about him even though he never met him in person but if the boss wanted him dead, he has to die. Besides Kageyama was not the type to refuse a direct order from the boss.

"I'll kill Sugawara Koushi," Kageyama replied with his usual emotionless gaze.

"You have two months. If you succeed, you will be promoted. But if you fail you will have to pay for it with your life."

It was a gamble but the answer was obvious. "I won't fail you."

"Good luck then."


Kageyama has to make a plan to accomplish this mission. For the efficiency of the mission, he has to get to know him better. He will be partnered with Sugawara on other missions. Maybe he can find out his weaknesses and exploit them to his own advantage and get him before the deadline.

Kageyama was eating lunch in the dining hall. He was approached by Hinata.

"You got assigned on a mission with Sugawara-senpai!!" Hinata said jumping up and down.

"What is it to you?" Kageyama said irritated at his energy.

"Just you wait I'll catch up to you!" Hinata said obviously jealous.

"He did get to be Sugawara's partner. I'm pretty sure he won't be able to shine on this one," Tsukishima said as he passed by striking a nerve in him.

"But man, to get to be Sugawara's partner- you sure are a lucky one. You get to see him in action," Noya said flinging his arms over Kageyama's shoulders. Kageyama didn't understand why it was such a big deal.

"Make sure you do a good job. Then I wouldn't have to be his partner anymore," Tanaka said flinging his arms over Kageyama's other shoulder.

"Why do you not want to be his partner?" Hinata asked him.

"Well, it's because..."

"Because??"

"I wanna be partners with Kiyoko-san!!" Tanaka said wiping his tears. "Yachi always gets to be Kiyoko's partner, I wanna be her partner too!!"

With this declaration, Tanaka and Noya went into fanboy mode.

Kageyama never understood his obsession with Kiyoko. He never grasped how everyone had time to care about such things. According to him, feelings are unnecessary in this line of work. Everyone thought he had no feelings. But he did. He just never let them surface and it stayed that way for a long time...


"Nice to officially meet you Kageyama," Sugawara greeted him with a bright smile. It was the day of his first mission with him.

"Yea..." Kageyama muttered under his breath.

"Not the talkative type just as the rumours said," Sugawara said particularly to himself. "Let's do a good job on it okay?"

"Right..." How can he be so cheerful? Kageyama thought. Didn't everyone say he was cruel and cool? But what is this?? He is literally like the morning sun radiating soft warm rays. He won't be this cheerful if he knew that his life was in Kageyama's hands. No one can predict when a person will die. But Kageyama did. He was his grim reaper and he knew when and how Sugawara will die. He will make sure of that.

.................................

Kageyama could understand the hype about Sugawara. He's gonna take back the fact that he thought Sugawara was a softie with a soothing and gentle personality. He is the epitome of do not judge a book by its cover. Kageyama even started thinking that the softie act was a façade. Well to say he was a savage would be an understatement. Kageyama went on a mission with Asahi once even though he couldn't amount to half of what Sugawara was. He was ruthless and didn't even think twice about eliminating any threats that got in the way. Like heck, Kageyama wanted to learn from him.

Sugawara was the perfect fit for the family- 'Never be merciful.' But why did the boss want him dead? What did he know? But Kageyama knew better than to question the boss.

"Good work," Sugawara told Kageyama after the mission was over. "What do you wanna do now?"

"Huh?" What does he mean? Of course, it's going back to the base.

"Don't tell me you're going back to the base right now?" Sugawara said with a shocked face but his tone said a different thing. It had a hint of teasing.

"We need to prepare ourselves for the next mission," Kageyama told him.

Sugawara looked like he expected this. "This can't be young Tobio," he said and flung his arm over his shoulders. "I'm going to teach you how to enjoy life."

"But the next mission-" Kageyama began but Sugawara cut him off. "We've got plenty of time before the next mission," he said as he dragged him away.

"Soooo Kageyama, what's your favourite food?" Sugawara asked him as they walked by the footpath.

"Milk."

"Milk?" Sugawara tilted his head.

"Yea."

"Just milk?" He asked again for confirmation.

"Yea milk."

"You know people tend to have ice cream, doughnuts or pizzas for favourite foods but who am I to judge you," Sugawara said patting Kageyama on the shoulders.

"I never had them," Kageyama replied as if it was natural.

"Oh... Oh. WHAT?!!" Sugawara yelled out in shock. This earned him stares from the crowd. Kageyama wanted to hide away from the second-hand embarrassment. Sugawara on the other hand seemed immune to the stares.

Kageyama was always obsessed with being the best so he never paid heed to other matters that he deemed unnecessary. Indulging in such trifles is pointless to him. However, Sugawara was not having that.

"You know what... you're coming with me," he said as he grabbed Kageyama's wrist and dragged him away.

Sugawara suddenly stopped and turned to him with a smile. "Let's go get some ice cream," he said, gesturing to a nearby ice cream truck. Kageyama was taken aback. Ice cream? But this wasn't part of the mission? But as he looked into Sugawara's eyes, he could see the excitement and joy there. "Come on," Sugawara said, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the truck. 

Kageyama hesitantly followed, feeling a bit out of his element. He had never had ice cream before, never having had the chance to enjoy such a simple pleasure. As they approached the truck, Sugawara ordered two cones, one for each of them. Kageyama took a lick off his cone following Suga's action, the sweetness exploding in his mouth. He had never tasted anything like it before. "It's cold."

"Well, yea... that's why it's called ice cream." Sugawara watched with a smile as Kageyama savoured the ice cream. "This is the life, isn't it?" he said, a content look on his face.

Kageyama nodded, not sure what to say. He had always been focused on the mission, never taking time to enjoy the small things in life. He felt like he was finally able to experience the world in a new way.

Next, they went to a café. That is, Kageyama got dragged to a café. "We have coffee at the base," Kageyama kept telling Sugawara.

"It's not the same as getting coffee from a café," Sugawara said handing Kageyama his coffee. "Give it a try."

Kageyama took the coffee, still feeling a bit unsure. He was not used to these kinds of leisurely activities and it made him feel a bit out of place.

Sugawara noticed his hesitation and gave him a reassuring smile. "Relax, Kageyama," he said, taking a sip of his coffee. "We can't always be working and on missions. We need to take a break sometimes."

Kageyama nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. He had to admit, the coffee was delicious. It was a completely different taste compared to the coffee at the base.

As they sat and sipped their coffee, Sugawara started to talk about his life before joining the mafia. Kageyama was surprised to learn that Sugawara had wanted to be a teacher before he became a soldier.

"I never would have guessed," Kageyama said. 'This might come in handy later,' he thought.

Sugawara chuckled. "Well, I never thought I'd end up here either. But I don't regret it."

Kageyama couldn't help but feel envious of Sugawara's positive outlook on life. He had never really thought about his life outside of the mafia. He was just focused on surviving and completing missions.

Even though Sugawara is his target, he was grateful for the simple act of getting coffee at a café with him.

"So what does coffee made by a professional taste like?" Sugawara poked him with his elbow.

"Not bad."

"Not bad? Come on say your true feelings on this," he teased Kageyama.

Is he really the person I saw at the mission a few hours ago? It was like someone flipped his switch. Asahi once warned him that he was a tease but Kageyama couldn't comprehend it would be this much. Anyhow it was tolerable as if Suga was aware of his limits and Kageyama had a top-secret mission he had to finish.

Two days later ~

"What do you wanna experience today, young Tobio?" Sugawara asked him after they finished their mission. He was getting comfortable around him. Before Kageyama could say go back to the base, Sugawara said, "Don't even think of going back to the base this soon."

What did I get myself into? Don't get too attached. But wait I need to get more information out of him to efficiently conduct the mission.

"As someone who's experienced the world, I'll teach you my ways," he said as he dragged Kageyama away for the second time.

Sugawara dragged Kageyama to an arcade and made him compete with him in a racing game.

"What is this place? This is for children," Kageyama said sitting on the chair.

Sugawara just chuckled and sat beside him. "You're never too old for a bit of fun, Kageyama. And this arcade is a great way to let off some steam after a long mission."

"Winner treats loser," Sugawara told him about the penalty of losing the game.

"This is stupid," Kageyama scoffed.

"Then how about this? The loser grants the winner a wish. It can be any wish." Kageyama was interested in something challenging.

This should be easy. I'm gonna win and use that wish against him. Kageyama nodded, intrigued. "Deal," he said. He had never competed with anyone before and he was eager to see if he could beat Sugawara. No, he can do it. He has a reputation to uphold as the best hitman in the family.

Kageyama didn't want to partake in this race at first, but deep down he was starting to enjoy himself. He never had the chance to experience these kinds of things as a child, so it was a new and exciting experience for him.

They started the racing game and Kageyama quickly found himself getting into it. He had never been a fan of video games, but the excitement and thrill of the race had him hooked. Sugawara was equally into the game cheering every time he won a race. Kageyama couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm.

As they began playing, Kageyama realized that Sugawara was surprisingly good. He was determined not to let him win though and put in all his effort.

But winning is proving to be difficult. Kageyama lost and that is a fact. He couldn't accept it. "One more."

He still lost. This is harder than a car chase. "Another one."

And then another one. Kageyama lost for the nth time.

"You're pretty resilient. But it's a hundred years too early for you to beat me," Sugawara flashed him an evil laugh.

"We won't even live that long."

..........

Kageyama scowled as he watched Sugawara win yet again. He couldn't believe he had lost. "I can't believe I lost to you," he said, shaking his head.

Sugawara just chuckled and patted Kageyama on the back. "Don't worry, it's just a game. And now, it's time for me to collect my prize."

Kageyama's eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"

Sugawara thought for a moment, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "I want you to come to dinner with me tonight and actually enjoy yourself."

Kageyama was taken aback. "What? That's not a real wish."

Sugawara just grinned. "Oh, but it is. I want you to relax and have a good time. You take life too seriously, Kageyama."

Kageyama sighed, knowing that he was defeated. He reluctantly agreed to go to dinner with Sugawara, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. He had never done something like this before and he didn't know what to expect.

Until he realized what a perfect chance it was...

He can get information out of him over dinner. He didn't lose in vain.

But as they sat down to dinner, Kageyama was pleasantly surprised. He found himself actually enjoying himself chatting with Sugawara. Suga saw life in an interesting way unlike him whose path is filled with darkness.

"Did you know, you can't feel your tongue when you smile," Suga said.

Kageyama looked at him with a confused expression. "What do you mean?"

Suga chuckled. "Try it. Smile and see if you can feel your tongue."

Kageyama did as he was told and then shook his head. "I don't understand." Did it not work for him?

"You should smile more. It suits you," Suga replied with a small smile of his own. "You always look so serious and intense, but when you smile, it's like a whole new side of you comes out." He took a sip of his drink, watching Kageyama carefully.

Kageyama's lips twitched upward, almost involuntarily. "I don't know how to smile," he admitted. "It feels weird and unnatural."

Suga chuckled. "It takes practice, but trust me, it's worth it. Smiling can change your whole outlook on life." He leaned forward, his voice dropping to a whisper. "And it can make you more attractive to certain people."

Kageyama felt his face heat up, but he couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. As the night went on, Kageyama found himself becoming more and more comfortable with Sugawara. He started to see why Sugawara was so well-liked by everyone in the family. He had a way of making people at ease which he could never do.

...................

 

Later in the base, Kageyama approached Hinata. He was looming over him which scared the poor boy. He gathered the courage to clench his fists and say, "You wanna fight?"

"Take me to that place with you next time," Kageyama said. He didn't want to say it out loud though. He needs the practice to beat Sugawara.

Hinata was dumbfounded. He thought it was something else. "You want me to take you to those places!"

"Yea."

"The brothel kinda places?!" His soul was leaving his body.

"Y- wait what? Fu*k no you shrimp! I meant the arcade," he was forced to say it out loud because of Hinata's thick skull. Kageyama said that and left.

Hinata was relieved. Then was hit by a wave of shock. The Kageyama Tobio just asked him to take him to an arcade?! Is it the end of the world?


A week passed after Kageyama's humiliating defeat. He was done reporting a mission along with Hinata and Yamaguchi.

"Heyy Kageyama," Sugawara greeted him. Kageyama hadn't seen him since his humiliating defeat at the arcade. "Did you just return? Wanna go out for a smoke?"

"Sugawara senpai!!" Hinata said in admiration. "Kageyama just got asked out by Sugawara senpai!" Hinata said particularly to himself.

"Don't phase it like that boke!"

"It's all right if you have plans with your friends," Sugawara said after he noticed Hinata and Yamaguchi.

Before he could say anything Hinata spoke on his behalf, "We don't. You should totally go Kageyama." Then roughly pushed Kageyama towards Sugawara.

Kageyama crashed into him. The latter perfectly balanced himself so they didn't fall down. Kageyama looked back only to find no one there. Hinata had taken Yamaguchi and fled the scene.

"You okay?" Kageyama could hear his voice close to his ears. He nodded, still feeling a little flustered from the sudden push. "Yeah, I'm fine." He looked up at Sugawara and their eyes met. For a moment, neither of them spoke, and Kageyama felt like time had stopped.

Then, Sugawara chuckled, breaking the silence. "Well, I guess it's just you and me now."

He lightly pushed himself away from him.

 

Kageyama and Sugawara were smoking on the terrace. Kageyama glanced over at him. Sugawara flicked the cigarette. He stared at the ashes as they flew in the air. He looked like he was at peace. It's not like he was always in distress but right now his face had a mystery behind it.

'A few days from now, I'll kill you... so live your last days to the fullest.'Kageyama thought. He doesn't feel remorseful for the act he is about to commit. He was just following orders, but something was nagging at the back of his mind. He couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more to the situation, and he didn't like the thought of killing someone who seemed so peaceful.

"Hey, Kageyama, what's on your mind?" Sugawara asked, noticing his distraction.

"Nothing," Kageyama lied, taking a drag from his cigarette.

Sugawara didn't seem to believe him, but he didn't push it. Instead, he just smiled and leaned back against the railing, enjoying the view.

Kageyama was curious. Curious as to why the boss wanted him dead.

Sugawara sighed. "Isn't it tough?"

"Huh?"

"Living a life just to be the best; always being aware of your surroundings... Isn't it tough living like that?"

Kageyama wasn't sure how to answer that so he said, "I like being the best..." Life was hard for him. Kageyama realized that the world is a cruel place when he saw his family getting murdered as a kid. To survive he always had to do his best. People like Sugawara could never imagine how life must have been for him.

Sugawara looked at him with a small smile, "I know you do, but at what cost? You don't have to live your life like that. You can choose to live your life differently." Kageyama was taken aback by Sugawara's words. He had never thought about it that way before. He had always just followed orders, never thinking about what he really wanted for himself.

"Do you ever wish for a different life?" Kageyama asked, without any emotions in his voice. Sugawara chuckled, "Of course I do, who wouldn't? But unfortunately, we don't get to choose our circumstances. We have to make the best of what we have."

The two of them stood on the terrace of the mansion in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable. It felt unusually comfortable. "What would you do if you were to die tomorrow?" Kageyama asked him after a brief moment of silence. He wanted to know what he thought about death. If he knew the target better it would be easier to get the job done.

Sugawara thought for a moment before answering, "I would probably spend my last day doing something that I love. Maybe take a walk in the park or spend time with the people I care about. Death is inevitable, so I don't want to waste my time worrying about it."

He had never thought about death in that way before. He had always just accepted it as a necessary part of his job. "But what if you are not ready to die? If it was forced on you," Kageyama asked.

Sugawara looked at him with a sad smile, "Then I guess, it's better to die fighting. To die with a purpose."

Kageyama nodded, understanding what he meant. They both lived in a world where death was always lurking around the corner. It was better to die with a purpose than just to die.

They stood in silence for a while, smoking and watching the world go by. It was strange how two people who were complete opposites, could understand each other in this way. One was the target and the other was his soon-to-be killer. But that was the beauty of their bond, it defied all logic.

Eventually, Kageyama finished his cigarette and turned to leave. He couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness in his chest. He felt something was tearing him apart. But it was his job, it was what he was trained to do. And he has to ignore these unknown emotions to get his job done.

As he walked away, he couldn't help but think that this might be the last time he sees him alive. And with that thought, he went to prepare for what he had to do.

They stood there in silence for a while longer, both lost in their own thoughts. Kageyama couldn't help but think that if he did have to kill Sugawara, it would be a waste. But he couldn't let that thought stop him from completing the task assigned to him. He can't allow himself to pity the target.

The mission was everything to Kageyama, and he would do whatever it took to succeed. Even if it meant taking the life of someone he had grown to admire.

"Do you have any last wishes if you were to die?" Kageyama asked. He was hoping that the least he could do was a favour for him.

"I guess..."

"What is it?"

"Kageyama go out with me."

"I-what??". What is he saying? Kageyama had a mixture of shocked and disgusted expression on his face. "Y-you you're joking." He said in disbelief.

Sugawara looked away, unable to face Kageyama's reaction. "But seriously, if I was to die tomorrow, I just want to spend one last day with someone who I care about. And that someone is you, Kageyama."

Kageyama's heart was pounding in his chest. He didn't know how to respond to this sudden confession. He had been living his life in the shadows, never allowing himself to feel anything for anyone. And now, this man in front of him was telling him that he cared about him. But he couldn't forget his mission. He couldn't let himself be swayed by emotions. He was about to reply when Sugawara's phone rang. "I have to go," he said quickly, putting out his cigarette and leaving Kageyama on the terrace, confused and conflicted.


Kageyama took shelter behind a wall as gunshots echoed from a distance. They just got ambushed.

Sugawara dropped to the ground beside him. "It's Inarizaki. Atsumu is here."

Atsumu is Inarizaki's best sniper. He could be lurking in the shadows anywhere ready to shoot them the moment they leave the safety of the wall.

Kageyama peeked only to get yanked away by Sugawara. He could feel a bullet miss him by inches. "You could've died!"

"We can't stay here forever!" The longer they stayed here the more risk there was of being surrounded. They must make a move before the other members got here.

Sugawara screamed at him, "Just listen to me for once!" Kageyama was taken aback by the sudden change in Sugawara's demeanour. He had never seen him so angry before. "I'm sorry," Kageyama apologized.

"Just stay here," Sugawara said as he took out his gun and went out to face the enemy.

"You're going to get shot!" Kageyama said in the heat of the moment.

"Like you said we can't stay here forever. If I don't take action then we both die," he said as he reloaded his handgun. "Don't worry I don't plan on dying today."

Kageyama watched him run out into the open. He should let him go. Life would be in his favour if he died. He should not stop him. Yet he has no idea why he got shot in his stead when he jumped in between Sugawara and a bullet that Atsumu shot. It happened within a matter of seconds and everything was a blur...

Kageyama probably did it because he hated the thought of him dying at someone else's hand. After all, it was his mission to kill him and he won't let anyone else take the credit from him.

 

...................

...................................

 

"What happened?" Kageyama asked, his voice strained with pain.

" You took a bullet for me," Sugawara said with a sad smile on his face. "You saved my life."

Kageyama didn't remember anything after he saw Sugawara run into the open. He must've taken a bullet for him and passed out. "Why did you do it?" Sugawara asked.

Kageyama didn't have an answer. He didn't know why he jumped in front of the bullet. It just happened. Sugawara sighed.

"You're my angel of death, Kageyama. You're supposed to kill me but you're saving my life instead..."

 

The words echoed inside his head.

Kageyama groaned in pain. He was lying on a bed. He just had a weird dream. 'Who brought me here?' He tried getting up only to feel a sharp pain shoot through his shoulder.

"You shouldn't get up," someone told him from the corner of the room. He recognized it was Sugawara's voice.

"But the mission? Where are we? What happened? Did we fail?" Kageyama bombarded him with questions. Sugawara approached him and gently pushed him back into the bed.

"Don't push yourself too hard."

"Did we fail?" Sugawara knew Kageyama wouldn't stop until he satisfied his curiosity so he answered all his questions.

"No, we did not fail. I shot Atsumu. The rest of the gang got him cornered but the mouse escaped. I brought you here at the xxx base after you got shot."

He just remembered that he was shot. Did Sugawara carry him all the way to xxx base?

"Here take some painkillers," Sugawara handed him a glass of water and a painkiller. "Luckily the wound was not that deep."

"Is it just the two of us here?" Kageyama asked before sipping the glass. Kageyama realized this is the first time they are alone together since Sugawara confessed to him.

"This base is just a temporary place to stay so yea," he replied. "Why does the thought of just the two of us being here excite you?" He winked at him.

Kageyama choked on his water. Did he know about his plan to kill him?? But why did he wink?

"Careful. Don't go dying on me just when I saved your ass from death," Suga said patting his back.

Sugawara saved him. Too bad he was assigned to assassinate him. It's just the two of them there. No one would witness even if he killed him right now when his guard is down. He could just grab the gun from the nightstand and pull the trigger on him. This was the best chance Kageyama had to kill him.

But he decided against it. Sugawara did save him so he should at least return the favour by giving him a few days to live. Nevertheless, his life will end at his hands at the end of the month just as he planned.


It's been a week since Kageyama got shot. He was planning a way to conduct the top-secret mission. He was in the process of making plan D. The mission has to be successful so he had to take advantage of all the opportunities he had. He heard a knock on his door. He quickly picked up the papers and hid them away.

As soon as he unlocked his door, someone flung it open from the other side. It was Hinata. "Kageyama! You're alive!" Hinata was away on a mission when Kageyama got shot. As soon as he heard what happened he ran to Kageyama's room.

"I heard Sugawara senpai saved you."

It is a fact that Sugawara saved him. 'But where did he hear it? He just got back.' But Kageyama needs to kill him. Suga does not hold any meaning to him.

When Kageyama was not saying anything Hinata spoke, "You okay? You're not dying are you?"

"Of course, I am you turd!"

"Seeing that his horrible personality is intact, he is okay," Tsukishima came up from behind Hinata. Kageyama glared at him.

"Who would've thought the Kageyama Tobio out of all people would get shot? Did your skills get sloppy?" Tsukishima taunted him.

"Did you know Tsukishima was the one who told me that you got shot," Hinata confided to Kageyama.

Tsukishima didn't want anyone to know he was worried about Kageyama let alone the devil himself. "You haven't reported the mission. Come on let's go-" Tsukishima said and dragged Hinata away by the collar.

Kageyama closed the door behind him. 'That annoying shrimp is finally gone.' He didn't want to deal with Hinata and Tsukishima's salty remarks right now. It's a waste of time. He hated getting interrupted when he was working.

Then he heard someone knock profusely on his door. Is it Hinata? I swear if it's him again I'm going to murder him before I get to Sugawara. "What is it you lil-" Kageyama stopped what he was about to say as he opened the door revealing none other than Sugawara with a confused expression inhabiting his face.

"Is it a wrong time?" Sugawara said after looking at Kageyama who was about to curse.

"I thought you were someone else," Kageyama said sheepishly although he tried to brush it off. "Would you like to come inside?"

Kageyama realized the weight of his word after he had said it. He had to get rid of the embarrassment of mistaking Sugawara for Hinata. So, he said that without thinking. It was too late to take it back.

As expected Suagwara accepted his offer immediately. "Then excuse me," he said with a bright smile as he entered Kageyama's room.

It was the first time Kageyama let someone inside his room. He never invited others in because he didn't like other people to make a mess of his room. Hinata tried to invite himself inside his room once but eventually gave up on the idea after witnessing how irritated Kageyama was. After all, Hinata's no 1. Fear was Kageyama. There is a running joke in the Karasuno mafia family that Kageyama had hidden limited edition porn inside his room and doesn't want anyone else getting their hands on it. The joke was started by none other than Tanaka and Noya.

"Did you have a fight with your friend?" Sugawara asked him plopping himself on the bed.

"No... he's not my friend," Kageyama said sitting on the other side of the bed.

"You should try to get along with others. I wonder what you will do when I'm gone."

Kageyama raised his head up at this. What did he mean by that? But he could've meant a lot of things so he put the thought at the back of his mind for now.

"I'm not here to scold you today... how's your wound?" Sugawara said pointing to his shoulder.

"It's okay. I can even go on a mission right now," Kageyama said moving his previously injured shoulder.

"That's good to hear because you... are going on an away mission with me tomorrow."

"Okay." Kageyama had a weird feeling about this sudden emergency mission.

"...and to ensure the complete success of the mission you need to date me-"

This news was like a bolt from the blue...

This was to gather information on a rival organization. Kageyama was hesitant at first but eventually agreed to the mission. He thought it would be a good opportunity to observe Sugawara's behaviour and get to know him better. After all, he needed all the information he could get to complete his task.

At that moment, Kageyama hit upon the perfect plan to kill Suga. 'I'm going to make him fall in love with me...'


It's been 2 days since Kageyama accompanied Sugawara on this away mission to the outskirts of particularly nowhere. It was enemy territory disguised as a tourist spot. The two of them were alone which means Kageyama could easily dispose of him but he got orders to wait until this current mission was over. Kageyama is never forgetting the situation he got himself into especially the situation he found himself in after waking up.

It's time to recall history-

Yesterday Kageyama and Sugawara arrived at the hotel as fake couples. They had to pretend to be a couple for this mission so that they do not draw suspicion towards them. Besides who's here to suspect a real lovey-dovey couple plotting murder? But why choose Kageyama who had never dated anyone in his life? This job was originally supposed to be Tanaka's but he firmly stated that he didn't want to date anyone other than Kiyoko even if it involves fake dating. As for the others Hinata and Noya are too hyper, Tsukishma's too salty so Kageyama was the perfect match as the best fighter and that's how it got to where it is.

"Do want me to carry your bags, babe~" Sugawara said to him as they were heading to their room after checking in.

"It's alright... it's not... heavy," Kageyama said gripping his backpack tightly trying his best not to sound rude.

Inside the elevator, Sugawara was leaning against him since he was shorter showing him the places around here. In fact, they were actually the places they would need to go for the mission. When they did reach their room they were faced with a merely innocent problem.

There was only one bed. "Is it also for the mission?" Looking at Sugawara Kageyama understood that he wasn't expecting it either.

"Well, it looks like we're going to have to share," Sugawara said with a shrug.

Kageyama could feel his heart racing. He couldn't imagine sharing a bed with someone he was assigned to kill. The thought was just too much for him. "I'll sleep on the floor," he said quickly. Kageyama wouldn't let his superior sleep on the floor as he takes the bed for himself.

Sugawara just shook his head. "Don't be silly, there's enough room for both of us. Also, you got shot last week. I can't let you sleep on the floor." Kageyama was nervous, he didn't know how to act around Sugawara. He was just trying his best to keep a distance between them. Besides, Kageyama never slept with anyone on the same bed as long as his consciousness allows him to remember.

............

 

In the end, Kageyama gave in to his insistent pestering.

"This is my side and that is your side," Kageyama said dividing the bed as he was getting under the covers at night. He had a long day. Fake dating was a lot tougher than he had thought.

"What if I cross over?"

"W-what?" Kageyama halted his movements.

"What if I cross over to your side?" Sugawara said leaning his head against his arms on the bed with a devilish grin.

Kageyama just turned around facing away from him and said, "Goodnight."

Sugawara silently laughed at his actions.

In the morning defying his own rules of dividing the bed, Kageyama found himself clinging onto Sugawara like an octopus while Sugawara slept soundly with an arm wrapped around him. Kageyama quickly pushed away from him, feeling guilty for breaking his own rules. He got up from the bed and started pacing the room, trying to gather his thoughts. He was getting too comfortable with Sugawara and that was dangerous. He was assigned to kill him, not cuddle with him.

He took a deep breath and decided that he needed to focus on the mission at hand. They had to act like a happy couple and gather information about the enemy. He could not let his emotions get in the way of his job.

Sugawara woke up to find Kageyama standing by the window with a far-off look in his eyes. "What's wrong, Kageyama?" he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Kageyama turned to face him, trying to hide the guilt in his eyes. "Nothing. Let's focus on the mission."

Sugawara frowned, sensing that something was off but decided not to push the matter. They had a job to do and he trusted Kageyama to do it right.


Sugawara rented a secondhand motorcycle or rather he got it handed by someone from the family. "It looks like it could break if we speed up," Kageyama commented.

"We can't afford to draw attention to ourselves you spoiled baby," Suga said and reached one of his hands to hold Kageyama's chin and shake it slightly. "Hop on-" he said getting on. Riding separate bikes might bring unwanted attention so they had to share a bike. 'This is enemy territory Kageyama reminded himself and got on the motorbike.

"Hold onto me so that you don't fall off," Sugawara told him.

"I can perfectly balance myself," Kageyama said holding the part behind the seat.

What Kageyama least expected Sugawara to do was to suddenly start the motorcycle without a warning and then hit the brakes the next second. As a result, Kageyama crashed into Sugawara's back and held onto his torso for support.

"That's better," Suga said satisfied with himself. "Try to stay in that position till we reach there or else you might really fall off."

The rest of the day went by smoothly as they gathered information and acted like a happy couple. But every time Kageyama looked at Sugawara, he felt a pang of guilt in his heart. He was starting to feel something for him that he shouldn't. But he doesn't know how to explain this feeling. Whatever it was, he couldn't let that happen. He had a job to do.

After they were done Sugawara parked on the road by the seashore. Kageyama had an unpleasant feeling. Regardless he stepped on the sandy beach and his shoe got sucked into it. He slowly dragged his feet towards the sea followed by Suga.

"What are you doing?" Kageyama said to Sugawara as he saw him taking his shoe off.

"Getting in the water," he replied folding his pants.

"Would you like to join me?" Suga said extending a hand towards him to grab.... "Or not...." He turned away from Kageyama stepping into the water. The waves from the sea crashed into the shore gently hitting his legs in the process. The water was lukewarm.

Sugawara heard water splashing behind him. He turned around and saw Kageyama coming toward him. Looks like he changed his mind.

His ears were filled with the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. He took a deep breath, feeling the salt air fill his lungs. He turned to Sugawara, who was watching him with a soft smile.

Kageyama stared at the waves with eyes filled with awe. This was one of those rare moments where Kageyama was showing raw emotions.

"I'm glad you're finally experiencing it," Sugawara replied. "It helps you clear your mind."

They stood in silence for a while, just taking in the beauty of the sunset and the sound of the waves. Kageyama couldn't help but feel a sense of peace wash over him, something he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Thank you," Kageyama said, his voice barely above a whisper. "For choosing me as your partner." He gets to enjoy the beauty of the sea as well as it makes it easier for him to get closer to Suga. For the mission.

Sugawara simply smiled and placed a gentle hand on Kageyama's shoulder. At that moment, Kageyama couldn't help but feel grateful for their fake relationship, for this opportunity to experience something so beautiful and peaceful.

Suddenly, without any warning, Sugawara pulled Kageyama by the collar and placed a kiss beside his lips. Kageyama's mind was running wild because even though they were fake dating it was too much. "We're being watched," Suga said calmly.

Kageyama's heart was racing as he realized what was happening. He quickly composed himself, understanding that the kiss was just for show.

"Who's watching us?" Kageyama asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"One of the rival gangs," Sugawara explained, his tone serious. "They have their eyes on us, trying to gather information."

Kageyama nodded, feeling a sense of fear wash over him. He knew that their mission was dangerous and that they were always being watched. But this was different, this was personal.

"What do we do?" Kageyama asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"We stick to the plan," Sugawara said, his eyes determined. "And we keep playing the part. We can't let them know that we're on to them."

Kageyama took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. He knew that Sugawara was right and that they had to keep up the act. But it was easier said than done.

This explained the weird feeling Kageyama had, he couldn't shake the feeling that they were being watched. Every time he turned a corner, he felt eyes on him, watching his every move. It turns out that they were indeed being watched.

But he can play his part and fool them.

As the sun set and the sky turned from orange to a deep shade of blue, Kageyama and Sugawara came back to their motorcycle hand in hand. But for Kageyama, the memory of the sunset by the sea would stay with him forever, a reminder of the brief moment of peace he had found in the midst of their dangerous world.

"Wow... I feel so honoured. I'm the first person you saw the sunset with. I know..." Suga said before getting on the motorcycle, "let's do a lot of firsts okay?"

Kageyama gave him a confused look so Suga explained, "like this is your first time watching the sunset. The first day we met we had ice cream, it was a first too. We can do more. Is there anything you want to do Tobio? Anything other than missions of course."

Sugawara could read him well. "No." Kageyama didn't have anything he wanted to do. Throughout his life all he ever knew were missions and now when Suga asked him to look outside of it, he can't think of anything.

"What about playing volleyball? You were pretty good." But how did he know that Kageyama could play volleyball?

"What about getting milk together?" Suga said excited. 'This is just stupid mundane work. Why is he so excited?'

"I can get them myself."

Suga was not satisfied with his answer so he kept adding things to the list with Kageyama replying in the negative all the time and it started getting weird. "Winning the lottery, petting giraffes..." it got weirder, "shoplifting, petting dinosaurs-"

"Dinosaurs don't exist," Kageyma cut him off.

"We'll break into the museum. I'm sure they have plenty of dinosaur bones. Wait you never went to the museum right?"

Kageyama did not want to do anything from Suga's enormous list of firsts. "What about your first kiss?"

"Huh!? I did not-" This sudden question caught him off guard.

"Do you want me to steal your first kiss?" Suga said coming closer.

Kageyama's heart started racing. He couldn't tell if this was part of the mission or not.

Kageyama began, "Do you want to?" He asked with a trace of hope in his heart. He needed to make him fall for him.

But the way Sugawara was looking at him made him think otherwise. "Sugawara, what are you doing?" He tried to back away but he was already against a tree.

"I thought it was part of our act, our mission," Sugawara said with a smirk. "But if you don't want to, that's fine." Kageyama was relieved but at the same time, he felt a twinge of sadness. He didn't know why but that was forbidden in their world. He was assigned to kill him and he couldn't let those feelings get in the way. "No, let's just stick to the plan," Kageyama said as he tried to regain his composure.

"As you wish," Sugawara said with a sigh. But Kageyama couldn't shake off the feeling that he saw a hint of disappointment in his eyes.


The two of them were having dinner at the hotel. Kageyama was gobbling up his dinner. For someone interested in nothing but completing his missions he sure loved to eat.

Kageyama choked on his meal being too immersed in his thoughts.

"Careful don't go dying on me babe," Suga said handing him a glass of water.

"Aww, you two are so cute together," a young lady who passed by them said. Kageyama didn't hear what the lady said because his thoughts were preoccupied with something else.

"This glass... it's Sugawara senpai's right?? Is this the indirect kiss Hinata was talking about..." he thought. He soon came back to earth after hearing Sugawara's voice.

"Tobio? You okay?" Suga asked him with pure concern after noticing him get awfully quiet.

"Yea," Kageyama said and got back to his dinner. He quickly finished his dinner and excused himself saying that he was tired.

Kageyama finished washing up and was getting ready to go to bed. Sugawara still hasn't returned. He checked the clock and it was already past midnight. Where could he be? Kageyama was starting to worry. He was in a place surrounded by enemies and he was all alone. He got up and decided to go out and look for him.

As he walked around the quiet town, he found Sugawara smoking and sitting on a bench under a sky filled with countless stars.

"The sky's really beautiful, isn't it Tobio?" he heard Suga speak from behind him.

"We don't have time for this," Kageyama said putting out his cigarette; looking away from him.

"Well, we can't speed up the progress in this mission so have fun once in a while," Suga said smacking Kageyama's shoulder. Kageyama sighed. He knew that he was right. They were stuck in this town for a while and he might as well enjoy it while it lasted. But Kageyama couldn't shake off the feeling that he was hiding something from him. He knew that he had to make a move soon...

"You know, a good boyfriend would take his lover on a date. Since you won't I'll have to play the good boyfriend," Suga said standing up.

"I am not a bad boyfriend!"

"Then follow me."

"Where are we going?"

"That is a secret my Tobio~," he said leaving Kageyama dumbfounded.

......................................

 

"Is it okay for us to be going out like this?" Kageyama asked as he mounted the bike behind Suga, holding Suga on impulse this time.

"Why not?" Sugawara said starting the bike. "Doesn't fresh air sound nice?"

Before Kageyama could reply Suga pulled out on the driveway. Kageyama tightened his grip around Suga's torso as he sped up. Suga was about to make a comment on this but he realized Kageyama might fall off the bike in shock so he didn't. The night was silent and the roads were deserted. "What will we do if get stranded if the bike breaks?" Kageyama asked referring to the secondhand motorbike.

"Then I guess well guess we'll have to go get eloped!" Suga teased.

Kageyama remained silent for a while before saying, "let me off."

"We're not there yet," Sugawara tried reasoning with him.

"I'm getting off here," Kageyama said letting go of Suga preparing to jump off.

Sugawara stopped him by grabbing his arms and wrapping them around his waist. "Hold it in a little Tobio."

Kageyama felt a thrill as they sped down the road, the wind blowing through their hair. He forgot all his worries as they enjoyed the night together. They stopped by a lake where they sat down and talked about their childhood and their aspirations.

"Do you know why I joined the mafia?" Suga said breaking the silence. "Why?" Kageyama asked curiously. "I wanted to protect people I care about," Suga said looking down.

Kageyama felt envious of him. Sugawara had people he wanted to protect unlike him. He joined the mafia to protect himself. He wished he fought to protect someone maybe then life would be meaningful.

"I wish I had someone to protect like you," Kageyama said.

Sugawara smiled at him with a hint of sadness, "You'll find someone Tobio, someone who'll make you feel like the luckiest person in the world."

"I don't think that's ever happening," Kageyama said. He just can't see himself being with someone.

"It will. Without you even realizing it."

"You mean like some kind of an ambush?!" Kageyama said shocked.

His outlook on this matter made Sugawara burst out into laughter. "You could say that but it's less violent and it's actually a matter of the heart."

"Then how will I know I love someone?" Kageyama asked. He was the best hitman but he could never understand his own emotions let alone the emotions of someone else.

Sugawara smiled at him, "You'll know when you feel like you can't live without that person. When their happiness is more important than your own. When every moment you spend with them is a precious one. When you want to make them happy at all cost. That's when you know, Tobio." He spoke as if he was speaking from experience.

Kageyama couldn't help but wonder if he would ever find someone like that. He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn't hear Sugawara speak up. "Come on, let's go complete this mission."


"Meet me at this place in an hour," Sugawara told Kageyama and left.

Kageyama arrived at the location after exactly an hour. What he didn't expect was for that place to be a café.

Kageyama placed his order. After thinking for a while, he ordered what the two of them had the first time Sugawara took him to a café.

Sugawara arrived right on time as the waiter placed their drinks. "I'm surprised you remembered what we had the first time you went to a café," he said taking a seat across from him.

Kageyama gazed at him waiting for him to tell him the results of the mission. Instead, he pulled out a small box from his pocket and placed it in front of Kageyama.

"What is this?" Kageyama said scanning over the box.

"Open it," Suga told him before sipping on his drink.

Kageyama carefully took the box in his hand before slowly opening it. Inside the box lay a silver chain with a ring attached to it. The ring had Suga's name engraved on it.

"We have a matching couple necklace now babe," Suga said sliding out his own chain from beneath his shirt. It was the same as Kageyamas except with Kageyama's name engraved on the ring.

Kageyama was speechless, he couldn't believe that Sugawara had done something like this for him. He knew that this display of affection was just for show. Nevertheless, he had never been shown affection like this before and it was making his heart race. "...I don't know what to say,".

"You don't have to say anything Tobio, just wear it and remember that I'm here for you."

Kageyama put the necklace on. The small and subtle smile on his face that he himself was not aware of did not go unnoticed by Suga.

"You look beautiful," Suga said caressing his cheek.

"Okay..." the dense Kageyama Tobio had no idea how to reply to compliments.

Sugawara stared at him wide-eyed before grabbing his hand whispering, "you should return the compliment in times like this."

"What should I say," Kageyama whispered back to him with uncertainty. "Thank you?"

"Thank you but you're the most stunning human I've ever laid my eyes on," Suga said exaggerating his reply.

"............."

"........."

"Or just you look beautiful works too."

Kageyama made a mental note of that. He might need them in the future. He should learn everything he could from Suga before he leaves for good. Also, it might come in handy.

He almost feels bad accepting it because of what's about to happen. Sugawara came towards him without any warning and hugged him tightly. He didn't want to let go, he wanted to stay like this forever. But they had a mission to complete and they couldn't let their personal feelings get in the way.


Kageyama woke up early in the morning the next day. He had a hectic day yesterday. He looked around him. Suga was nowhere in sight.

Just as he got up from the bed, he heard the bathroom door open and Suga walked out, wet hair with a towel wrapped around his waist.

Kageyamas brain stopped working and he turned into a blushing mess. "W-wh-w-what... what are doing?!"

"Looking for my clothes," Suga said unaffected as he went over to the room to grab his clothes.

"No! What are- were you doing?" Kageyama asked again. This time Suga said, "I took a bath. Why did you want to join me?"

Any more of this and the rest of the family would've had to attend Kageyamas funeral. He dashed towards Suga, grabbed his clothes for him and pushed him back into the bathroom.

Kageyama couldn't help but think about the sight he had just seen. Suga always had a way of making him forget the world and just focus on himself. 'Well, he is my target...' But this time, it was different. Kageyama realized he was starting to harbour these unknown feelings towards the same person he had to kill. It was a cruel reality that he couldn't escape from even if he tried. He knew he had to get his act together and focus on the mission. He couldn't let his personal feelings get in the way. But it was harder said than done.

As they headed out to complete their mission, Kageyama's mind was clouded with thoughts of the future.


"Well that was unexpected," Sugawara said over the body Kageyama just shot.

"How did he know we were here?" Kageyama said blood splattered on his clothes.

Sugawara noticed Kageyama's sudden change in behavior, "What's wrong Tobio?"

"We have to go. Now," Kageyama said standing up and pulling Sugawara with him.

"What's the matter?" Sugawara asked as they quickly made their way back to their room.

"We're being followed. I think it's the enemy," Kageyama whispered, his hand already reaching for his gun.

Sugawara's face turned serious, "Let's get out of here."

They made their way out of the hotel, trying to keep a low profile. They managed to lose their tail but they both knew they couldn't stay in the same place for too long. But it was only a matter of time before the enemy caught up to them. They both knew the mission was not going well, the enemy was closing in and their chances of survival were getting smaller.

They had to act fast and make a plan to get out of there unnoticed. Kageyama quickly packed his things and erased their traces while Sugawara made the arrangements for their escape.

"There's no time to change just wear a jacket over it," Suga told him.

"They're going to catch us..." Kageyama was about to have a panic attack. He knows he should stay calm. But he wants to live. It's as if this situation was unlocking a trauma inside of him. Everything was turning blurry and he felt like his heart was gonna stop. They were inside enemy territory and they were at disadvantage and-

"Tobio. Tobio, look at me," Suga said cupping his face. His voice made him come back to his senses. Sugawara soothed him, pulling him into a tight embrace. "I promise I'll always protect you, Tobio. You just have to trust me."

"Promise?" he found himself asking. He looked straight into Suga's hazel brown eyes for assurance amidst this chaos. Those eyes felt like home. It calmed his nerves.

"Promise," Suga said without an ounce of hesitation.

Kageyama nodded, clinging onto Sugawara. "Now get your shit together. We have to survive this."

They were trying to blend in with the crowd. "Sugawara-san," Kageyama spoke up to Suga who was on his phone. "We're in a hurry, can we please just go?"

"Of course," Suga said grabbing Kageyama's hand and leading him through the crowd. They quickly got out of the busy area and hailed a taxi. The ride was quiet and tense as both of them were thinking about the consequences of what might happen if they were caught. Kageyama was biting his lower lip, trying to hide the fear in his eyes. Suga on the other hand was cool and calm as ever. He always knew how to hide his emotions and put on a mask in front of others. Kageyama looked at Suga and felt a rush of gratitude towards him. He was lucky to have met someone like him who could handle everything so calmly. He then leaned his head on Suga's shoulder and closed his eyes.

When they reached their destination, they got out of the taxi and went inside an abandoned building where they wouldn't be seen.

They could hear footsteps coming towards them. 'We have nowhere to hide!' Kageyama thought. Unless they jumped out the window...

"Tobio..." Suga said holding his hand. "Do you trust me?"

Yes. Yes, he did. Even though he was tasked to kill him he trusted him.

Kageyama looked into Suga's eyes, and without hesitation, he answered, "Yes, I trust you with my life." I have to, for the sake of the mission...

Suga smiled, "Good. We're going to jump out of the window." Kageyama's eyes widened in shock. "What?! Are you insane?! We're on the third floor!"

But before he could say anything else, Suga had already opened the window. "Just trust me on this baby," he reached out his hand.

Kageyama hesitated for a moment, but then grabbed Suga's hand. He had no choice but to follow, closing his eyes tightly as he took the leap of faith. He felt like he could trust him. They jumped out of the window.

When he finally opened his eyes, he found himself in the back of a truck with Suga beside him. "W-what just happened?" Kageyama stammered.

"I called in a favour," Suga explained, "We have an ally who's going to help us escape the city." Kageyama let out a sigh of relief. He knew he could always count on Suga to keep him safe.

"Told you I'd protect you," Suga nudged him.

"Right..." Kageyama said thinking about how he started panicking a while ago. 'I should get my act together..'

"Next time you go cry-baby mode on me, please remember that I'll protect you," Suga said laying down on his back.

"W-what. I did not..." Kageyama was about to protest but stopped after looking at Suga. He was laying there peacefully. 'Guess he was tired...' He leaned down a little. He never realized someone's sleeping face could be this beautiful.

Without even realizing his own actions, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on Suga's forehead. He couldn't help but feel a deep ache in his heart knowing that he'll never see him again.

 


Kageyama went to a party disguised as a waiter. He was supposed to meet up with Sugawara who was disguised as a guest at the party. From the corner of his eyes, he caught a glimpse of Suga standing there chatting with the crowd wearing a black tuxedo, looking dashing as ever. Suga noticed him and gave him a subtle nod before casting his attention towards the girl beside him, pretending to be interested in her conversation. Kageyama couldn't help but feel a pang in his heart seeing him like that. He didn't know why he felt this way but he couldn't help it. He felt something for Suga, something he had never felt before. He wondered what it would be like to stand in her place, beside him.

He didn't know how long he had been standing there, staring at Suga, until he heard someone calling his name. He quickly looked away and went back to his work. But every now and then he would steal a glimpse of him and wonder what it would be like to be with him.

Kageyama was sitting in the secluded garden smoking a cigarette. His job was over; all that was left was for Sugawara to come out of the party. He got alerted by hearing a rustle behind the bush. He placed his hand inside his pocket to pull out his gun in case things went south. It was just Suga.

"Should you be here?" Kageyama asked. This place was off-limits for guests.

"Well, I'm just a guest who lost his way..."

"Right..." Kageyama said putting out the cigarette.

"It felt like I was your target judging by the way you kept glaring at me at the party," Suga said sitting beside him.

Though he didn't show it on his face, Kageyama panicked for a second. 'Of course, he didn't mean that.' Throughout the party, Kageyama occasionally took a glance at Suga feeling a knot in his stomach. "I wasn't staring at you."

Sugawara stood up in front of him and extended his hand out, "would you like a dance, Tobio?" he asked with a smile.

Kageyama's heart raced. He wanted to say no. "I can't."

"It's okay. I'll lead you. You seemed pretty eager back at the party."

He wanted to run away but at the same time, he couldn't resist the urge to hold him in his arms one last time. He took his hand and let himself be led by him.

They danced to Suga humming to a random song. Kageyama was a horrible dancer but he soon got the hang of it. They both had their eyes on each other as if they were only the two at this moment.

Kageyama knew his mission was to kill him and he has to stay away from him but his beautiful hazel eyes already captured him without his knowledge.

Their eyes were locked with each other trying to find the hidden emotions in them. In all the difficult situations their hearts still found their way to each other and ended up in each other's warmth. He wanted to live moments like this with him although he was aware that he had a cruel relationship with him. Maybe he could let his emotions control him just for today...

 


 

The initial plan was to get closer to Suga, earn his trust and kill him. Or so Kageyama thought.

Ever since the party, it seemed like Suga was avoiding him. Just this morning Kageyama saw him in the hall only to vanish into thin air after Kageyama walked in. Kageyama tried to brush it off and focused on his work, but the nagging feeling in his chest wouldn't leave him. He couldn't shake off the fear that something was wrong.

'How am I supposed to kill him if he keeps on avoiding me?' With that thought in mind, he thought of confronting Suga. Unfortunately, he was nowhere in sight.

"Have you seen Sugawara-san?" Kageyama asked Hinata.

"No... why did something happen between you two?" the orange hair said.

"They're probably having a lovers' quarrel," Tsukishima said.

"W-what?! I didn't- What are even talking about?!" Kageyama said flabbergasted.

"It's pretty obvious from the way you look at him."

"The way I look at him...?"

"Yeah, you look at him like he's the most important thing in the world to you," Hinata said with a grin. Tsukishima nodded in agreement, "It only makes you look like a creep."

Kageyama rubbed the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed. "I don't look at him like that... do I?"

"Oh come on, Kageyama, even a blind person can see the way you look at him," Hinata chuckled.

. Kageyama felt his cheeks turn red as he realized that what Tsukishima said was true. he sighed feeling conflicted. "I don't know what's going on between us..." They were supposed to be the assassin and his target. So all this time he has...

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, "Well, you better figure it out soon..." Kageyama was too shocked to say anything. His teammates knew him better than he knew himself. But what he did know was that he needed to find him.

Kageyama went to the terrace hoping, praying that he might find Suga there.

As he approached the terrace, he saw Suga standing by the edge, staring off into the distance. Kageyama slowly approached him, not wanting to startle him. "Sugawara-san," Kageyama called softly.

Suga turned to face him, a sad smile on his face. "Kageyama."

This caught him off guard. He got used to Suga calling him Tobio. When he heard the name Kageyama drop out of his mouth, he felt a pang in his chest. He missed hearing his first name fall off his mouth, the way he called him Tobio when they were acting as a couple was as if he was the most precious person in his life.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Kageyama asked. He always said what was on his mind without any trace of emotions which made others think he was prideful. He never cared less what he said to the others yet here he is, heart, aching at the sight of the pain on Suga's face. Though it was for a fleeting moment before his demeanour changed.

Sugawara stayed silent for a while...

"I'm not used to you being so quiet." Kageyama chuckles. Sugawara was always the one who spoke first, the one who always carried the conversation. But the silence between them was louder than any words ever spoken.

"Did you need something Kageyama?" Suga said without any trace of warmth in his features.

"I missed us." Kageyama looked deep into his cold eyes. In a way, Suga was hoping he would never see. In a way which awakened too many memories.

"We just happened to be partners in missions," Suga said. "There was nothing else..."

Despite his body feeling paralyzed, Suga takes a step back, looking down at his feet. He closed his eyes and said, "Kageyama."

"Then what about our first mission? You said that I should experience life?!" Kageyama said coming towards him.

"It's because you were living a dull life," He coldly stated.

"Then what about the necklace?!" he said clutching onto the necklace through his shirt.

"It was required for the mission. Do whatever you want with it now."

Kageyama's heart sank. He felt like he was being hit by a truck. He strode closer to him. "Then when you said you'd protect me..."

"I had to make you focus on the mission."

"B-but what about us?!" Kageyama said desperately. He didn't even care if someone saw him like this. Kageyama took another step closer to Sugawara, their bodies almost touching.

"I told you... there was n-no us," he said looking directly at him.

"How much of this was real... How much of what we shared was just a lie?" Kageyama asked, his voice cracking.

Suga sighed and closed his eyes, taking a step back. "I'm sorry Tobio, but everything was just for the mission. I had to do it." Kageyama felt his heart break into a million pieces. He just got manipulated by the master manipulator. No wonder Sugawara was considered one of the best. All the feelings, all the moments he shared with Suga was just a lie? He stumbled back, he wanted to cry but his tears were all dried up from the heartache.

He had fallen in love with Suga, but he never thought the feeling was mutual. "I see..." Kageyama said, trying to keep his voice steady. "I'll go now."

 

Suga watched him leave with a heavy heart. He didn't know what he wanted anymore...

 

Kageyama lay on his bed, the words replaying in his head...

'There was no us.'

But he couldn't get that look on Suga's face out of his mind. The sadness and the regret he saw for a second there. Was that even real? He didn't know what he felt anymore. 'Was it just a game for him? Was it just a way to complete the mission? But then again, why did he feel like he was losing a part of himself?'

It was the hardest thing for Kageyama. Every moment he spent with Sugawara, he felt a strange connection growing between them. He didn't understand why he was developing feelings for someone he was supposed to kill. He felt like he was caught in a never-ending cycle of wanting to protect him and wanting to end his life.

 

He sat up, his head in his hands. He has to end this. Maybe this was for the best. This is how it was supposed to be from the beginning. Maybe what he has for him is just something he developed in the heat of the moment. It would pass. He has to kill him without any lingering feelings attached...

 

It was the last mission they would be on together and Kageyama couldn't help but feel bittersweet about it. He would finally get rid of the guilt he's been carrying for so long.

They entered the building silently, their guns at the ready. They knew this was going to be a dangerous mission, but they had to see it through till the end.

Kageyama took the lead as they crept through the halls, taking out any guards in their way. It was a routine for them now, but he couldn't help but feel nervous. He didn't know how long he had before he had to pull the trigger on his own partner.

As they reached the end of the hall, they were met with resistance. A group of armed men were blocking their way, their guns aimed at them.

"Stay behind me," Kageyama whispered to Suga. He had to be the one to kill him.

But Suga stepped in front of him, his gun raised. "I won't let you take all the danger, Tobio."

Kageyama's heart swelled with guilt and pain at the same time. He desperately wished to cut off his own emotions. 'He's just protecting a teammate...'

He raised his gun and they started firing at the men. The sound of the guns echoed through the halls as they took out each man one by one. It was a blur of adrenaline and fear as they worked together, their movements in perfect sync.

 

 

As the last man fell to the ground, Kageyama's heart dropped. He didn't know how much longer he could take this. This is the perfect moment to end this since he's unarmed. He aimed his gun at Suga's back...

 

But before he could pull the trigger, Suga turned around, an emotionless look on his face. Kageyama Tobio hesitated. For the first time in his life, Kageyama Tobio hesitated on the path to success. He knew the cost of winning this fight was costly.

"Aren't you going to pull the trigger?" Suga said from where he stood surprising Kageyama.

"I-I..." Kageyama's voice trailed off and clutched the gun tightly.

"You don't really have a choice," Suga said as he turned around looking him directly in the eye. His stare was intense.

"You knew?" Kageyama asked shocked. Since when did he know?

"Yea..." Suga said still staring at him. "You are not the first one."

Kageyama's mind was racing, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What do you mean I'm not the first one?"

"I've been targeted before, every time I've managed to get out alive," Suga said calmly. "I knew from the moment I saw you that you were going to be the one to finally do it. Don't tell me the best hitman in the family is chickening out?"

"You're wrong! I- I can..." For the first time in his life, Kageyama did not know what to do. He could pull the trigger. It was the plan. Just pull the trigger and this would be over, he was telling himself. Sugawara Koushi is another insignificant person in his life and Kageyama, was the grim reaper, the god of death.

"I can kill you!" It's a lie. "I can dispose of you!" Another lie. "I- I can..." no matter what he would spew out of his mouth in defence, all would be a lie.

Kageyama couldn't describe this feeling. This feeling made his heart heavy. Heavy that it outweighed his desire to execute the mission. Was this love? He remembered what he told him once-

"You'll know when you feel like you can't live without that person. When their happiness is more important than your own. When every moment you spend with them is a precious one. When you want to make them happy at all costs. That's when you know, Tobio."

That's right... he loves him. He realized it after all this time. Every time spent with him was a precious one. He wants to make him happy. At that moment what he wanted to kill were his own emotions. He hated himself for feeling like this.

"Guess I should've known better... you were set to fail the moment you decided to let me live the day you got shot by Atsumu," Suga said as if stating the facts. It was he who left the gun beside the bed.

"You always knew?" Kageyama said. "Since the beginning... you always knew." He knew yet he didn't do anything. He could've killed Kageyama yet he let him live. "Why did you make it so easy for me then?" Kageyama asked, confused.

"Because I knew that you would be the one to finally break me out of this cycle," Suga said.

'What could he mean?' Kageyama thought. "Why... why aren't you running away?" Kageyama said hands trembling. He could feel the sweat running down his back, his heart pounding in his chest. This was a moment that would change his life forever.

"I can't run away. You've got me cornered," he said as rain droplets falls on him.

"I-if I say the gun's not loaded will you run away?" Kageyama said his voice breaking.

"Where do you expect me to go? Tell me," he said eager to know Kageyama's answer.

"I could hide you! Fake your death!" the old Kageyama would never dream of this. It was because the old Kageyama was incapable of feeling like this... helpless. Kageyama felt helpless as water droplets started to splatter over him. He felt he could've stopped Suga from knowing what he knew only if he knew him sooner. Then he would've been spared. He wants to beat up his old self.

"It won't fool anyone Kageyama."

"Then let's run away together!" The old Kageyama would never say this. It was as if he lost all his sense of reasoning. "You said that you wanted to be a teacher. And that you wished you could lead a normal life. I- I'll give it to you!"

"No, Kageyama," Sugawara said with an icy voice.

"I'll stop being rude to people. I'll also talk more. Just come with me..." Kageyama said on the verge of tears. He dropped down to his knees throwing away any ounce of self-respect. "Please..."

"That's low of y-you," Suga said, his voice cracking slightly. Acting cold towards him was getting harder for Suga.

The moments they shared together flashed inside of his head making his heart break. It felt like it would shatter into a thousand pieces if he fails to convince Sugawara to escape. Escape from him. He can easily do that if he wants to. Then again, Kageyama could easily pull the trigger if he wants to.

Tears filled Kageyama's eyes as he lowered his gun. "I can't do it. I can't, I-" he choked. "Can you at least tell me why?" Kageyama asked wanting to know why Suga would not save himself. Why would he want to die?

"I used you," Suga said. "I made you fall for me so that I could use it against you." But I ended up falling for you. He couldn't say this to him. He can't let Kageyama hold onto any sign of hope. He wanted to let him know that he loved him, to yell this out at him. But he has to protect his dense little idiot. Instead, he said, "I am truly detestable."

"It's not true! I used you too. I wanted you to trust me so that I could kill you!" Kageyama confided.

"Guess we're both detestable," Suga chuckled. "But what would this change?"

"I know it was real. It was different from an act. All this time you said you knew. So, if it was an act why would you avoid me? Why did you act coldly? Tell me why?!" Kageyama shouted out.

"Do it," Sugawara whispered, his voice barely audible over the sound of the rain. "Shoot me, Kageyama!!"

Kageyama shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "I can't, I don't want to. I know it was real."

Suga was starting to lose his composure. It turns out Kageyama was not dense after all. Things would be easier for him only if Kageyama just shot him. He has to shoot him. It's the only way he can live.

"I'm so sorry," Kageyama whispered, tears falling down his cheeks. He felt sorry because he had to kill him. He also felt sorry because he could not kill him.

It hurt Suga to see him hurt. He took a step forward, wrapping his arms around Kageyama. "It's okay, Tobio. It's okay."

"It's okay. Accomplish the mission," Suga told him. His voice was soft and it sounded like he was comforting him. Comforting him about killing him. "You have to," Sugawara said, his voice firm.

"Was it real?" Kageyama asked looking him straight in the eye. But the rain was making it harder for him to keep his eyes open. He needed to know. He needed to hear the truth from him. "What we had... was it real?"

Sugawara knew what he was talking about. "Yes..." There was no point in hurting him anymore. "It was. All of it."

Kageyama closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He never thought this would happen. He never thought he would fall in love with his target. But it was too late now, he was already in too deep. "I can't do this..." he whispered. "I can't kill you."

"You have to. This is the only way you can survive. You have to take care of yourself, Kageyama. You're too important to me."

Kageyama tried to protest, but Sugawara cut him off. "I love you, Kageyama. I love you more than anything else in this world. And that's why I'm doing this."

"Me too! I- I love you too," Kageyama said back.

This caught Suga off guard. "I never imagined I'd hear you say those words," he said with a light chuckle.

"I can't-" The tears added to the rain were making his vision blur. He knew better than anyone not to show emotions yet there he was. Tsukishima would sneer at him.

"I can't live my life knowing that I killed you. I just can't find the courage to kill you, though this job was handed over to me during all this time I just fell for you," he said throwing away the gun. "I want to stay with you."

"Kageyama-" Suga called but got cut off by him.

"You used to call me by my first name..." Kageyama choked out.

"Tobio, look at me," Suga said putting his hands on his cheeks. Despite the rain, his hand was warm. "Tobio baby, look at me," he cooed. This made Kageyama look at him. Suga kissed away his tears.

"Tobio it's not your fault, okay? No matter what happens don't blame yourself," Sugawara comforted. "If anything my life is way better because I met you."

Sugawara grabbed the back of Kageyama's head, pulling him down for a kiss.

Kageyama was caught off guard by the sudden kiss, but he couldn't help but lean into it, savouring the feeling of Suga's lips against his own. It was a bittersweet moment, knowing that this could be their last kiss and Kageyama's first kiss. But for now, he pushed all those thoughts aside and let himself be lost in the moment.

 

Kageyama's heart was racing. His lips still tingling from the touch of Suga's. He wanted to kiss him again, to hold him close and never let go. But when Suga pulled away from the kiss, Kageyama was brought back to reality.

"Come with me..." Kageyama refused to let him go. He wanted more. "I promise I won't bicker anymore. I promise not to look down on others and I promise I'll get along with people! If I don't...." his voice trailed off. "We can do a lot of firsts again. I'll even do it over and over again without complaining. Just please, please come back. I can't lose you too..."

Seeing him like this broke Suga's heart. Kageyama always acted like a hopeless romantic. Unintentionally. Suga felt a teardrop on his cheek. "Tobio never... never change yourself for the person you love. Find someone who loves you for who you are."

"I love you! I'll say it a thousand times if you want me to! I have loved you and I know you feel the same." Kageyama said clutching onto him. He felt like a fool for not realizing what that feeling was. What all those were? It was love. He loved Sugawara. Out of all the people he could've loved he had to fall for Sugawara, the target of his mission.

Suga chuckled trying his best to hold the tears from leaving his eyes. He was selfish. He wanted to reciprocate his feelings. But he needed to protect the dense idiot he loves and the only way he can only do that was by pushing him away. But he had to let him know how he felt...

"Yes, I love you in the way I never loved anyone. In the way I never felt love before," Suga said without bothering to hold back the tears in his eyes. "So Tobio live. Please live."

Kageyama had to kill him. If he failed both of them would lose their lives. Suga is more than willing to give up on his own life. If the cost of his life is worth Kageyama's then he wouldn't mind even if he gets cursed to death. After all, love is blind.

He let go of Kageyama and moved away from him. "Could I ask you to do something for me?"

"Of course. I'll do it right now," Kageyama said eagerly making Suga chuckle.

"If I asked you to bring me the moon, would you do that?"

Now was not the time to joke. Kageyama didn't mind. "I will!" Love made him blind too.

"Tobio, can you call me by my first name?"

It was an unusual request.

"I want to hear you say it," he said smiling at him.

"K- Koushi..."

"Yes, baby?"

"Koushi I love you!" Kageyama's voice echoed through the surroundings under the rain.

"Tobio... promise me another thing... never blame yourself. It was never your fault, okay?"

"What are you..." Kageyama said confused at his words.

"Tobio, my only light in the darkness. I love you. I always have and I always will."

Kageyama's eyes went wide as Sugawara pulled out a gun that Kageyama did not know he was hiding.

He was his everything. "No, please. I'll do anything. I'll leave this life, I'll do anything," Kageyama said reaching out to him. But he couldn't move. His legs were numb. He was petrified on the spot he was standing at.

"I'm sorry, Tobio. It's too late for that. I promised I'll protect you." And with those words, Suga pulled the trigger. The sound of the shot echoed in Kageyama's ears, ringing through his mind. His legs finally gave out and he fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face as he watched Sugawara's body fall to the ground.

He couldn't believe what had just happened. He couldn't believe that the man he loved was gone, that he was gone because of him. He felt broken, shattered beyond repair. He slowly crawled towards his body. Kageyama screamed, tears streaming down his face as he cradled his love's body. He couldn't believe it. He had just lost the love of his life. He buried his face in Suga's chest, trying to hold onto what was left of him. He knew he would never be the same without him.

The rain continued to fall, washing away the blood and the tears, but it could never erase the memory of what had just happened. Kageyama would never forget, he would never be the same.

He sat there for hours, the rain pouring down on him as he mourned the loss of his love. He would never forget the way Sugawara had smiled at him. The person he was supposed to kill became the person who saved him. The person he was supposed to forget became the person he would always remember.

The memories they shared flooded his mind. Kageyama could feel the weight of all the memories they had shared, crashing down on him like a tidal wave.

The sky's really beautiful, isn't it Tobio?

I'm glad you're finally experiencing it.

I love you Tobio.

 

He will never be able to fall in love with someone like he loved Suga...

 

...........................................

He fell for Sugawara without realizing it and he would not be able to love someone like how he loved him. He will not forget him. He knows he shouldn't chase ghosts from his past. But holding onto that has made him how he is today.

Occasionally, someone would say it was unfortunate to lose Sugawara like that. Everyone was led to believe that he died in the line of work. At first, it affected him. With time he learned how to let go.

"I still can't believe it's been a year since Sugawara-senpai..." he stopped and glanced at Kageyama.

"What are you looking at?" Kageyama glared at him.

"Well, excuse me for looking out for you!"

In the first week of his death, Kageyama was devastated. He had a hard time coping with it. Sugawara told him not to blame himself. He hated how he knew he would blame himself. How could he not blame himself? Kageyama couldn't stop thinking about Sugawara and how things could have been different if he didn't have to kill him. He was plagued with guilt and regret. He couldn't focus on his work, and even when he did, he found it hard to concentrate.

"Well, I'm fine you Turd!"

"Did Kageyama Tobio finally grow up?" Tsikishima stated. Kageyama glared at him with an irritated expression.

He eventually learned how to let go of the guilt. But it wasn't easy. Every day was a struggle, a constant battle against his own guilt and pain. 

He started to see the situation from a different perspective, to understand the depth of Sugawara's love for him. He realized that Sugawara's sacrifice was not just for his own survival, but also for his happiness.

As he came to terms with this, Kageyama began to forgive himself. He allowed himself to grieve, to truly feel the pain of what he had lost. But he also began to focus on the memories he had shared with Sugawara, the love they had shared. And gradually, he learned to live with his loss.

But the memory of Sugawara would always be with him, a reminder of the love he had lost and the sacrifice that had been made. And though he would never forget the pain, he learned to cherish the memories, to find comfort in the love that they had shared.

 

 

Kageyama stood by the seashore, his eyes fixed on the endless blue horizon. It had been years since Sugawara's death, but the pain still lingered. He couldn't help but think about all the things he should have said and done differently.

The memories of Suga flooded Kageyama's mind as he stood by the sea. He remembered how he came here and watched the sunset with Suga once.  Kageyama took a deep breath, trying to calm his mind. He knew he had to let go, but it was easier said than done. He closed his eyes and whispered, "I miss you, Koushi."

A gentle breeze blew, and Kageyama felt as if it was a sign from Suga. He opened his eyes and smiled, feeling a sense of peace. He knew he would always carry Suga with him, in his heart and in his memories.

As he turned to leave, Kageyama made a promise to himself. He promised to honour Suga's memory by living his life to the fullest, cherishing every moment, by never taking anything for granted. And he knew that Suga would be proud of him, wherever he was.

The love he had shared with Sugawara was a gift, it was both a blessing and a curse, a treasure that he would have to carry with him always. And though he would always miss the man who taught him to love, he will hold onto his memories with him close to his heart for as long as he lives. 

Notes:

Thanks for reading!!

It took me three months to write this down cuz I lost motivation and had no idea on how to progress with the angst.

Tell me how you feel about it ^^; though I'm not sure if it's not good=[