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Dear Jounal, where do I even begin? Perhaps I should go back to the VERY beginning of my youngin days as a skeptical Parapsychologist professor back in the wild real world of Toronto, Canada. How I was examining a supposedly “haunted” mansion in that area until I found myself in the mirror faced to face with a spiritual creature so unearthly fowl with enormous glowing purple eyes that it would forever change the trajectory of my former skepticism about the paranormal. And that I would spend the next few decades catapulted into a world of these spirit creatures and non-ghoulish fantasy creatures such as walking talking fungus.
Buuuut this story has completely nothing to do with my backstory! Bwahaha! Classic bait-and-switch!
I stare at this blank log plastered on my screen as I speak into my computer. In my writer’s block state, I decided to go back to one of man’s oldest inventions, the physical paper and pen. But then I forgot I started this project and put it down for several months until now, there goes that idea! But don’t let an old man ramble on and bore my older self I choose to pick this log up again. I have decided to make an entry, the best I can do of my progress with my former experiment and current colleague, ‘Goo’ or as he would later be properly named, Gooigi. (If you can’t see the pun in that name then I don’t know if there’s hope for ya!)
I have plenty of detailed entries previously about Gooigi’s creation, but for whomever in the future somehow stumbled upon my logs after I’m gone, I’ll just briefly sum it up in a non-scientific babble way. He was a creation like a classic black and white scifi movie, completely and utterly by accident. A combination of the cup of the Lunoman Greenie coffee blend from my cafe in the BeanBean Kingdom imported to my lab in the Evershade Valley and the ectoplasmic sample left behind by a mysterious unidentified ghost, woven together after I was scared by a misbehaving ‘goober’ ghoul that had briefly escaped in my lab. Why do goober ghosts always have an irritating flair for slapstick comedy? The label I gave them very much fits in this situation. Anywho, this log entry isn’t focused on Gooigi’s origins; experimenting which elements he could handle in his gelatinous form, my several tests to hold his Luigi inspired structure down to the molecular level, or his introduction to ghost hunting. You’d have to go back to my older logs about him, I won’t make it that easy for ya!
I distinctly remember the major significant event that snowballed Gooigi into being far greater than a simple test sample in a bottle somewhere on my desk. It’s reason is why I’m writing this log in the first place, in fact.
It was a long fifteen hour work day for me (and ten cups of coffee!) of finding new ways the Poltergust 3000 could be more beneficial for elements we had yet to faced. But after several run ins with the haughty tyrant King Boo, I knew I had to be better prepared in case there was a next time, as there always was. (My painting collection of his ghosts was everything to me y’know! Some outsiders may call it ‘unethical’, but they were in no real harm mind you! My ways are unconventional but not without their morals. Ghosts are much different than humanoids, without much unique thought or feeling. As long as that hothead royal pain doesn’t come across my journal somehow… Oh well, if he does I have no regrets per usual! Hah!) Rambling now!Anywho.. I had Gooigi test out a simulated arctic arena, oh I could never master yet weather in these extreme conditions! As long as the ice didn’t melt to water, he didn’t melt back into his liquid state! I was thrilled, the Poltergust survived a blizzard as did Gooigi, the testing had gone well. Gooigi although a seemingly lifeless husk, was very cooperative that day to help me out, although he wouldn’t have the will to choose otherwise…. yet.I had clicked the Poltergust off, reverting Gooigi back to his liquid state and sending him back inside of it as usual. Another successful check off on my day, I had thought. In my tired state, I had walked upstairs to the rest of my home, turn the lights off in my basement lab and closed the door. But not long after, I heard a loud wrestling coming from down below. I quickly ran back to the basement and flipped the switch back on. On the table, the Poltergust was to shuffle and squirming all on its own! Perhaps it was Gooigi malfunctioning? I worried, I let him out of the container and in all my years of being a scientist, I was unprepared for what happened next.
I found myself embraced by this ectoplasmic entity in a hug, his head resting on my shoulder. I was stunned and perplexed, I looked to him as if to let go. When I heard him in his limited vocal ability,
“N-n-No…”
Fearing for the worst that his ghoulish nature was finally about to spring up on itself, my hand slowly reached out for the nozzle of the Poltergust in front of us. However, my arm stopped its shaking and my motives changed, as Gooigi looked directly at me now. I was in complete awe, something I didn’t know he could do. By jove, this creature was crying! With the most doe eyed expression I think I’ve ever seen from somebody, his eyes were spilling with goo-like tears. He was shaking and buried his face in my chest. Again, he repeated his plea for me.. to stay. At that moment I found myself watering up at the eyes as well.
A smile crept on my face, I knew in that moment Gooigi was more than what he seemed. Perhaps it was against my better judgement at the time, but I picked him up and carried him out of the lab. Mind you, he’s twice my size and covered in slippery goo, so we both almost met our maker a few times up those steps. He was just as surprised as I was but he eventually wrapped his arms around my shoulders as I carried him like a child. I brought him to my couch and sternly but kindly told him to stay there for the rest of the night. He nodded, I gave him a blanket and a pillow and he eventually nodded off. I walked away all the while making sure I kept my eye on him. He rejuvenates in a tube so I guess in a way he does ‘sleep’, but I just found it so curious that he imitated human behavior by resting his head and pretending to doze off. Things he has seen me do before without me thinking twice about it no doubt.
The next day would be interesting. I woke up and immediately went to my living room and saw him sitting upright on the couch, his hands folded on his lap as if he was expecting for me to give him orders what to do in this world that was so new to him now. But for me it was just my silly old living quarters. I reached in my pocket for something, I think it was my reading glasses, he immediately flinched and cowered like my good friend Luigi! Very unlike the stotic nature of this ectoplasmic coffee Beanbean that stood before me. I was once again surprised but confused.
“What’s wrong Gooigi?”
Then it hit me like adrenal failure from ten cups of coffee, I told him to wait a moment. I went to my lab and brought back remote l that controlled to the chip inside of him. Gooigi put his hands to his face to protect himself, he was quivering. By the heavens above, he was afraid! But moreso he expressing his right to free will! I had no idea he was able of such independent thought. I put the remote on the ground and slid it away behind me.
“No one’s controlling you here, boy! See?”
It was unusual for me to call him ‘boy’ but in that moment I felt sympathetic, or perhaps the lack of cortisol to my kidneys from thousands of milligrams of caffeine over the years. He slowly lifted down his hands from his eyes and had a look of almost a tearful smile, as if to say ‘thank you’. This was much bigger than I had realized, much, MUCH more complex than a simple dive into the realm of the supernatural. I was playing God now.. and I liked it! But I had to put my big ego aside (I admit it I have one!) and realize I was beginning on a long journey of one I had never planned nor previously wanted. Fatherhood ..But was that the appropriate word for this situation? I felt a tug on my heart in that time, a mix of guilty regrets of the past and of the uncharted new responsibility.
I began right away pushing some of my scientific studies back for reasons I didn’t realize why at the time and focused mainly on Gooigi. I was excited, Gooigi was very much like a sponge, absorbing everything I taught him. His eyes were always wide and his face eager, I began teaching him simple things not relating to ghosthunting. Mathematics, history, linguistics, biology, the arts, anything simple enough a preschooler might learn for he was at this level of intelligence now. Of course there was plenty of instances where he would unintentionally stray and get confused about what he was learning. In fact, that was becoming increased now. He would get frustrated even, throwing his papers aside when I would tell him patiently and repeatedly again and again things. Simple things like the differences between cats and rabbits especially got to him some reason. He was a pro at ghost hunting, I did not understand why he couldn’t grasp these things as simple as this, even with my examples.
But it could be I was looking at this too much as a scientist and less like a human being. I had no experience with children at all. It was then I decided to ahem, go through books relating to parenting. Which were fascinating and what I think of as hilarious, in a morbid sort of way. I jokingly showed him diagrams of how to burp babies and read out loud the “About the Author” of how this “Professor of Holistic Children Pediatrics” went on and on about the most asinine hippy new-age way of raising up a child with a degree in medicine that was much less than authentic from the Mushroom Kingdom. I scoffed and belly laughed but Gooigi didn’t of course, just blinking at a mad old man rolling about in his own jokes. Anywho, I threw those help books in the dumpster and took on the challenge for myself! Afterall, I was able to catch an army of ghosts! ..I could childbear.. but who was I kiddin’?
I was exhausted every day and one day in particular I slumped in my chair rubbing my head after trying to explain to Gooigi again and again about why a rectangle couldn’t fix inside the hole of a square. Basic scientific things like that, just broke me as a quick reacting scientist. I can’t lie, as wrong as it sounds at that time I felt like reaching for that brain controller again. He could have easily do things if I controlled him directly like I used to. But every time I stopped myself…
…What on Earth right had I do that?
Would a parent immediately do that to their flesh and blood? He was reacting like anyone his mental age. Perhaps I wasn’t as patient as I thought I was. Maybe I too hard on him, I always was. But just because I wanted him to grow, I saw so much potential in him like that night I saw him express an emotion for the first time. I loudly sighed, still hanging uneasy in my sofa chair. Then I felt he placed his hand on top of mine. I slowly looked up, he was holding up the wooden blocks still entering them wrong places but had determined tears in his eyes.
I had that remote and the chip inside of Gooigi destroyed that same day.
Once or twice a week I’d take the boy on field trips outside the Evershade Valley, he really loved the markets at the Mushroom Kingdom. Every time we visited there he would get strange stares from the locals, but most of them were still friendly to him. I wasn’t sure if their looks were affecting Gooigi’s confidence or even if he had any. I asked him but with no result. But I found a spark that day, he really enjoyed social interaction and exploration. The two thing I totally forgot to introduce him to! I was keeping him cooped up in a stuffy house in a stingy dark valley (But I do love my home’s residence! Ahah.) I would soon invite over Luigi for the first time in a while so Gooigi could interact and learn more people skills. Luigi brought along his lady friend over, the princess of the desert empire of Sarasaland. Luigi would ask me if I knew what I was doing with having Gooigi live with me which I would reply I didn’t and laugh it off. Perhaps he was like Gooigi and didn’t understand my jokes, haha. No but seriously Luigi would just give me a deadpan confused look, in usual Luigi straight-laced fashion! I knew he was just looking out dor the both of us though. Luigi still had his reasons to be confused with Gooigi’s existence as his clone, but I appreciated that he at least tried to worry about Gooigi’s well being regardless. Gooigi was an accident but a happy one, Luigi was coming to know that well.
It was probably strange to the princess to see a gooey version of her boyfriend at first. After some fear and silence, (she fell out of her chair at the sight of Gooigi, quite literally!) she asked if she was being “punked” or “is this a sign that Luigi needs more friends if there’s jell-o sculptures of him being made by an old guy” whatever that meant! I think she’s a lot like me, a big goofy jokester. But over time and long explanation, the Princess found him adorable like a little kid, pinching his cheeks and such. Gooigi quickly returned the friendly gestures to her as Luigi’s dog Polterpup would lick the palm of his hand. Gooigi even smiled a little, amazing! Luigi was a bit confused with this all but still showed his full support. I guess I cannot blame him for being confused, I did take his DNA files without permission and replicate them into a living being, but all in a day at the lab’s work. (Joke, JOKE! Those files were originally for ghosthunting purposes.) After that, Luigi and Princess Daisy would come by to check up on us frequently. Even the famous Mario and even more famous for how busy he is, would stop by on a rare occasion aheh.
I want to say besides educating Gooigi that personality wise he’s a very nice boy. He could still get frustrated easily sometimes at not understanding what I was teaching him, he never once lashed it out on me or was violent. He had a very soft and approachable nature to him. Although he couldn’t speak his feelings he always looked at me with admiration and tender feelings. He loved to be comforted, so I read stories to him before he fell asleep nightly. If he wasn’t confused then he was calm in his approaches to new experiences, a maturity I didn’t expect of him. Perhaps it wasn’t because a stotic lack of emotions that I previously thought he wasn’t capable of.
In the morning on one instance, I woke up to the overwhelming smell of smoke, I rushed to get the fire extinguisher stored in my lab and ran to the source of the fire in my kitchen. The gooey lad was trying to cook me breakfast! I couldn’t help but marvel at his humane effort and guffawed at the ridiculousness of what had happened, of course I REALLY laughed when I got the bill from the fire department later that day... I soon enough gave Gooigi some cookbooks so he wouldn’t cause a total burn down of my half my home again. And I gotta say, he’s become quite the little chef! I know I never got any use of that kitchen before it caught on fire. Aha! …My dark humor will be the death of me for sure one day.
It became like that for a while in the home though, I would work in my lab most of the day while Gooigi would clean up the house and cook the meals, in the late evening I would teach him something new and we would hit the sack, me in my bedroom and him on the couch in the living room. I began to feel bad though, he probably deserved more than that to live in. I had a spare bedroom that was caked with dust and cluttered to the very brim of the walls with projects I never got around to finish. I got a little mischievous idea that day. I gave him a broom and dustpan that day and told him,
“My boy I want you to clean out this room today!”
He nodded in usual calm nature but had a look of eagerness to please plastered on his bioluminescent face. The poor boy was so tuckered out after that he was sprawled out on the floor. I chuckled, I admit I didn’t previously think that room would have been cleared until I was in the afterlife myself! I don’t know if he knew why I had him do this, I suspect he just wanted to make me happy. Which in turn, made me feel warm inside for what I was about to offer him. I helped him off the ground and told him what a wonderful job he did of cleaning HIS room. He looked cut off guard from what I remember. The next instant, he broke out in tears for the second time now! He embraced me in a hug. He looked at me trying to express how he felt but getting overwhelmed not being able to. He kept shaking his hands and arms, I let him have some time but he was getting frustrated, gave up and sat to the floor. I looked disheartened for the poor boy.
I wish there was something I could do, unfortunately I hadn’t been successful at increasing his vocal abilities. Then it hit me! I started to dig in my virtual library that same day and dug out a book on local sign languages here.
Success!
Within little time I saw him blossoming. Pairing images with signs instead of images and just vocal words helped him drastically. He soon enough could finally grasp things that were bothering him that he couldn’t. Eventually he even gave me a sign name! Absolutely beautiful. I couldn’t have been prouder than I was in those moments.
Ahh where am I? Rambling now I bet. Every journal entry of mine has some. You can’t blame me for my age. But this is very important, or at least I thought it was funny!
We were in the BeanBean Kingdom as I had run out of my favorite coffee blends. I had purchased a barista shop there called Starbeans Cafe some time ago from the profit of my scientific strides I had done for their kingdom on a few occasions. A pry into my brain in exchange for coffee, it was a win-win, aheh! Gooigi had a strange appreciation for food despite him not be able to eat or drink, he was VERY particular on how he prepared meals for us, very gourmet! He was my little chef at home for a reason! So in that coffee shop, he stared at our mugs untrustworthy of them. He wanted to make sure I liked the taste, bwahah.
He tried drinking a cup of coffee for the first time lifting his pinky as I had a habit of doing, but the coffee splattered on his face reverting himself back into a liquid state. I belly laughed, patted him and gave him a napkin as he turned back into his humanoid shape. In that same moment, who could it be but Prince Peasley of the kingdom himself entering my coffee shop! He slammed open the doors as his knights were behind him as he flipped his golden locks and was asking the barista if they had any protein shakes in a coffee shop..? Very eccentric and odd man was he! Oblivious and egotistical but friendly and always bouncing off the walls with energy from my professionalism with him and his mother the Queen Bean. He reminded me of a young me in some ways, aheh. He slurped on his unique drink the barista made for him. Then he saw Gooigi and I and politely bowed before us. Very unusual!
“My, Professor E. Gadd! It is good to see an intelligent gentleman like you make your appearance in my glorious kingdom!” Prince Peasley extended his hand to me, nearly crushing it unintentionally in our handshake. “What brings a fellow such as yourself out here all the way from the Evershade Valley, may I ask?”
“Just picking up my monthly supplies of coffee beanbeans!” I pointed to the huge sack of roasted coffee beans taking up the other side of the booth from where Gooigi and I sat. The prince guffawed echoing through the cafe and then opened his eyes widely when he saw Gooigi. The Prince began inquisitively tapping my boy’s jelly head, Gooigi just sitting there as he do so.
“Oh, my manners this is Gooigi! My..” I thought for a second not knowing how to introduce him. “My son!” Gooigi looked completely surprised I said this, I warmly smiled at him and patted him on the back again.”
“Your son?! Why this humble flourescent young man looks just like my close war comrade Greenie from the Mushroom Kingdom! How delightful!” The Prince laughed loudly again. “A little bit too delightful..” The Prince’s eyes narrowed and drew his sword at Gooigi, alarming both me, the Prince’s knights and the rest of the restaurant. “He is not a.. unholy demon is he, Professor?” I raised an eyebrow at this. One of his knights behind him chimed in and whispered to me,
“He thinks the gooey guy might witchcraft from evil sorcereress Cacklet-“ He was cut off by Peasley whipping his head around.
“Whose name was just uttered my trusted knight?” Peasley spoke in a more quiet tone than an angry one.
“N-No one’s sir!” The knight buttoned his lip.
“We do not speak of her name here..” Peasley was still pointing his sword at Gooigi who just blinked. The Prince loudly sighed, shook his head and put his sword back in its sheath. “My apologies for the scare on you and your kin, kind Professor. We’ve just had many threats lately from that wicked enchantress that we cannot be too careful.” I nodded my head understanding the situation.
“And the Prince just is like this in general.” I heard knight whisper to another.
“Is there anything possible I could do to display my deepest condolences for this misunderstanding, Professor? Perhaps a round of coffee on my castle?” Peasley bowed again before us.
“Water under the bridge, Prince! My boy Gooigi is just unique in every sense of that word. And I already get free beans for life here! Ahah!” I told him. The Prince nodded and departed to the door with his men, but then he turned around and spoke out one last time,
“And Sir Gooigi was it? You showed no fear! I appreciate that in a warrior! I hope we shall meet again, perhaps on the battlefield!”
Gooigi nodded and did the sign for ‘see you later.’
I wonder if the Prince knew Gooigi didn’t know he was supposed to react with fear in a situation like that.
…Or perhaps Gooigi actually knew he was no real danger?
Later that night we finally arrived back to our home, Gooigi turned the lights on, his room had been decorated over the past few months in odds and ends he collected that he founded valuable in his view. He was developing his own tastes, I felt like a parent watching his child develop a personality for the first time. He particularly enjoyed marine life now, with the allowance I’d give him he’d buy memorabilia of nothing but whales and such, I never really got why. But I found it wholesome in its own way, so I tried to make plenty of lessons around it during biology. As he got himself in bed and I was about to read him a bedtime story I found myself asking Gooigi,
“My boy, why are you so fascinated with fish?” I asked him in a half-jokingly manner. He looked up from tucking himself under the covers and thought about it for some long seconds.
“I wish I could touch water, is that wrong Professor? I really really admire them for that. They’re so beautiful and free… I wish I could be like that.” He basically signed to me in a rough translation. I smiled gently and then opened the book,
“You will some day my boy.” I began reading to him, his eyes were getting heavy as were mine. Before I closed my eyes for that night I swear I saw him sign something else before drifting off in that chair.
The next part of this journal entry happens to be written by Gooigi himself. That’s right! He expressed interest in practicing writing so I gave him an example of one of the greatest writers I know, me! Heh.
Note to future reader if one comes along: my boy doesn’t grasp emotions the way a majority of us do, he sees the world in his own unique way. He also enjoys drawing a lot of smileys in his writing! He says they help the emotion he’s trying to convey. I wouldn’t dare censor or scribble out how views everything! Anywho, I’ll leave the rest of this entry blank for him to continue!
Hello. I am Gooigi, I’m practicing sign language as well as learning to write grammatically. :) I have used the Professor’s examples in this journal to mimic my own literacy. I am also Professor E Gadd’s junior assistant in his basement laboratory now. I’m very excited about that!! :)
I had to white out my previous text over over this page of the Professor’s journal as I spilled ink everywhere on his table. I felt very bad and upset so I spent the following two days rewriting the entire journal. I hope the Professor isn’t upset at my careless mistake. I don’t want our close friendship to terminate. :(
Last week I had my biggest assignment yet, the Professor was sick with flu (non-lethal) and wanted me pick up groceries for soup in the Mushroom Kingdom all by myself. The challenge could seem daunting but I saw it as an opportunity to “prove myself”. Or at least that’s what the Professor told me what I looked like I was doing. I took a warp pipe to the Mushroom Kingdom, home of the heroic Luigi! I quickly went to the farmer’s market on the southend, the one Professor and I have attended on multiple occasions. Some food stands I was “banned” at for “contaminating the samples with my goo”.
And others for other reasons.
I have many people staring at me as usual! Especially terrified mothers with small children. Are they scared of the cotton candy stand? That one scares me. I went up to stand with nice toad lady, named Klutzette. Her name was Toadette but she called herself Klutzette because every time I visited her, she would drop one of her vegetables at the sight of me! She looked at me strangely for signing her name like that. But perhaps she looked at me like that because was scared of the cotton candy stand too? Klutzette eventually after some visits stopped dropping her merchandise with a fearful look whenever she saw me. She was able to understand me more and sign to me back, as she told me her little sister was deaf. Today she gave me extra bok choy when I only wanted one but she giggled and smiled around me a lot! I always find smiles comforting. :) But the one ingredient I needed the most for Professor Father was spring onions. It was in fact the main ingredient in his favorite kind of soup. Most of the market was closing down as it was reaching the afternoon, I looked at Klutzette with a somber expression, she looked sad too. But she said to me verbally while she was simultaneously signing,
“That’s really a bummer.. But hey! You know Gooigi, Little Fungitown has a really good farmer’s market too! I get a lot of my supply from there. Only thing is, it’s in the BeanBean Kingdom! And that town is uh, quite the distance if you needed to get back home in the next ummm the few days?”
I thought about it though, if I went through the Evershade Valley it borders the BeanBean Kingdom’s Teehee Valley which according to my map I had was right below Fungitown. But this looked like a several hour walk. I signed to Klutzette about this, when she informed me they had warp pipes there as well. Excellent! If I hurried now I could be in time to make the Professor his precious soup. I gestured
goodbye Klutzette, waved and as I was walking away with my back turned, I could hear her giggle again. Perhaps she gotten over her fear of the cotton candy?
So entered a warp pipe back to home and then I started my journey to find spring onions for my sick Professor Father’s soup. My first journey, I felt brave like Luigi in that moment! Or did I? No one would ever tell me what an emotion felt like. But I felt like I might!!
Evershade Valley was mostly overgrown forest and woods, ghosts still appeared in the day time but for some reason they always scurried away when they saw me, much like the Mushroom People! I would ask one why they do that, if they ever stopped running and screaming! I passed several hundred trees, logs, shrubbery, a cabin of a nice witch bean lady who told me I’d lose memory of this encounter after I left her home. She did some kind of purple smoke thing on me but she didn’t know I’m made of goo and therefore can’t lose my memory so here I am writing about it!
I’m so happy that we finally have a neighbor in our Valley!:)
Afterwards, I checked my gooey watch as I was entering the border of BeanBean, I had exactly three hours to get back to make the Professor’s soup. I pulled out my gooey wallet and showed the border patrol my passport. But they gave me funny stares like the ones people would give me in general. My original idea was to slip through the border while no one was watching, so I was about to carry that plan out when I blacked out. I suppose similiar when I used to be unconscious in the Poltergust sometimes. I woke up in my liquid state inside what seemed to be a mason jar. Glass really WAS my enemy. The room was very dark, I don’t really possess fear that much, but I did feel worried I was going to be late to make Father dinner. :(
I suddenly heard laughing from the darkness, a light from the ceiling luminated what appeared to be a shed hideout like the ones from those old gangster movies from the Professor’s real world that he enjoyed watching with me. There were two BeanBeans, the little one in the mask slapped the big one across the face.
“Naah! What the heck is this? A cup of snot? I told ya blubberin’ fool to get the son of that old scientist, see? Not puréed vegetables, New Rookie!” The little one slapped the big one again.
“I asked several beans and mushrooms, Boss! They all witnessed the old labcoat coot call this puke thing his son! P-Please don’t hit me, this is my first criminal job!” The big bean cried out, the little one furrowed his eyebrows.
Perhaps they liked old gangster movies too, maybe a drama club? I wish I could see a theater play sometime, this was exciting! :)
But before I knew it, the big bean opened the lid to my jar and shook me out like canned meat. I plopped to the ground in a tube, reverted back to my humanoid state and rubbed my aching head. Their guns looked very convincing as they pressed against me!
“The heck is this-“
“I told you Boss! He’s like some weird experiment thing gone wrong! I told you that old fart is a wacko. Why did we need to take this jell-o captive again?” The big one said as “Boss” was holding back his bad temper I could see.
“Because… New Rookie.. Our client from the black market has an interest in the new dingily whats it called “ghost energy converter” that scientist created for that over privileged ivy leauge Hooniversity research center. And this Frankenstein over here probably knows how we can get a butt load of this expensive piece of machinery.” Boss smirked at me, I didn’t know how to react so I kept my usual blank expression.
“I know this technical error has been referenced to death in television shows recently, but Boss the correct terminology ISN’T Frankenstein. It’s actually Frankenstein’s Mon-“
“SILENCE YOU BIG GREEN THUMB!” Boss shouts echoed in the musty and smelly small room. He then looks back at me. “Alright jell-o boy, start flappin’ them gooey gums’.” I slowly start putting up my hands to sign but they poke me with their guns again. “HEY! I didn’t tell ya to start movin’ wise guy! Now talk.” I get nervous not because of their weapons but I’m overstimulated. I get this way when I can’t express my thoughts physically to other people. I began to rock back and forth.
“Boss, I think he CAN’T talk.” New Rookie told him.
Boss turns to me intensely frowning. Is this the way some Beans communicate with each other instead of smiling like we do? He frowns at me, so I frown back, Boss sighs heavily and draws his gun back. He stands in the corner of the room and puts his fingers to where I think the bridge of his nose would be (if he had one.) I think he was frustrated? He comes back and looks at me with a calmer expression. I look relieved. :)
“Look green butterball, I don’t want known as the guy who shoots up weird gooey kids.” He told me.
“I wouldn’t put that pass you with your criminal record, Boss!” New Rookie chimmed in, Boss just gave him a dirty look. Boss turned back to me, and nodded for New Rookie to draw his gun back too, I think he was gonna let me sign. I started to tell him what I was doing there, from the beginning and how I was trying to get all the ingredients for Professor Father’s soup.
“He’s sayin’ somethin’ about leeks I think, Boss. My Toad Sign Language is a little rusty.”
Actually it was a mix of Toad and Canadian Sign Language since E Gadd is Canadian! But I doubt those two wanted to know that right now.
“You know sign language New Rookie? Man, there’s a lot I don’t know about you huh.” Boss sounded genuinely intrigued in his sidekick for once.
“I’ve only been workin’ with you for thirty minutes, Boss.”
“Oh yeah right.” Boss then shook his head. “Tell him to tell us where his old man has more of this energy converter crap. Forget stealin’ it from that stupid school, New Rookie! We can get loads of it directly from the source itself!” Boss wrung his hands and his smile curled up in his cheeks in a way I hadn’t seen from someone before. “Tell us where your daddy’s lab is, kid…”
I shook my head, as fun as their theater troupe act was, I had enough of it. I checked my watch only to see… I only had forty minutes to get to the market and back home?! Anxiety crept on me for the first time I could remember. I began walking to leave, startling the two beans.
“HEY!” Boss shouted, the two struck me with bullets in my back, which didn’t bother me really. I soaked them up in my gelatinous body and expelled them on the ground. I slowly turned around and saw the two of them have horrified expressions on their faces.
Huh? They didn’t know I could do that?
I could see New Rookie running up to me, I knew in that moment these two weren’t the friendly family dinner theater club I thought they were, so I could use self defense as I saw fit. I remembered my ghost training and morphed my Poltergust on my back. I tried the stunning him on the highest setting in his face, not realizing he wouldn’t freeze like the ghosts do. But my blinding light still managed to bring New Rookie to the ground.
“MY EYES! OH I GOT CATARACTS FOR SURE NOW!” The big guy wailed covering his watering eyes. I froze there as I looked up to see Boss grinded his teeth absolutely furious. He started coming at me too.
“AY! NO ONE ESCAPES FROM POPPLE THE SHADOW THIEF THAT EASILY, SEE?!”
I stood my ground, grasped the tube part of my vaccum tightly and switched the setting to suck. With nothing in the room to grab, Shadow Thief started drifting over to my vaccum against his will. Before I knew it, his butt was stuck inside of it!
“GET THIS NONSENSE OFFA ME ROOKIE!” He shouted.
“Comin’ Boss!” New Rookie still covering his eyes came storming up and grabbed me from behind while one of my hands was still holding up the Boss stuck to my hoover. But I went through his arms and while he was confused and stumbling about, I swung my leg around tripped him to the ground, injuring him. I put my foot on his chest and the Boss facepalmed. A few moments after this I could hear loud yelling coming from outside the shed.
“What in the..” Boss said.
Before I could turn around the shed’s wall was punched through by several knights, one in particular stood there. He got up, pushed his blonde hair out of his face and stood there smirking.
“THE P-PRINCE?!” Boss and New Rookie asked simultaneously.
“The door was unlocked you know Your Royal Highness.” One of the knights said standing by the door. It really was the Prince Peasley! I was very surprised by his dramatic appearance. Perhaps he was actually in a theater club himself?
“For shame, I thought this would be the secret hideout of the EVIL Sorcereress Cackletta and her minion, Falafel that I’ve been searching for for the last ten years.” He said, knights look at each other in a funny way, I think they knew better to correct the Prince when he goes on a ramble. “Oh well.” The Prince looked disinterested in the petty crime happening before him, I was confused at him leaving until one his knights spotted me out and nudged his prince. Peasley turned around and met my gaze. “Oh! Professor E. Gadd’s son! Sir Gooigi was it? I do remember you from those months ago! See?! I knew we’d meet again in battle!”The Prince boisterously laughed as he walked over and slapped my back, I nearly fell to the ground from that. His knights took the thieves in their own hands and slapped some cuffs on them.
“Just how important of this pile of goo?!” The Shadow Thief Popple called out as the men were taking them away outside the shed.
“Hey, I just realized. We could have asked that goo guy for a ransom from the PRINCE instead, Boss! We would have been loaded!” I could hear Rookie call out.
“Shut up New Rookie. You know this wouldn’t have happened with the Old Rookie…” The Shadow Thief crossed his arms and looked away, New Rookie pouted his lip.
Peasley was nice enough to take me home on a flying bean thing he rode us on. Was it his pet? I don’t know. I wish I could have pet it. But anyway, we reached E Gadd’s home again as the sun was setting into a very pretty shade of red and pink. We landed and I got off. I stood there as Peasley was still hovering over me.
“My deepest apologies for your kidnappers, Sir Gooigi! I shan’t wish for ill ties between the Professor and the Woohoo Hooniversy, it has supplied us with much research to better help my people in these trying times…” He looked a bit genuinely choked up at that last part. He then bowed at me, I nodded and patted him on the top of his head. After doing so, he looked up at me confused. Was I not supposed to do that? I wasn’t good at figuring out the polite way to address certain people. He chuckled a little and asked me if there was anything I needed before he left. I morphed my hands into a gooey notebook and a pencil and drew something. “You need spring onions? The Prince does NOT eat his vegetables! What are you my mother?! ‘Eat your green beans Peabert!’” He said in a shrill voice and laughed at his own words. “Farewell! We shall meet again in battle, my gooey comrade!” He then did some loops, and flew away on his flying bean in the sunset. I waved, goodbye Prince! Perhaps I shall call you Peabert. Goodbye Peabert.
I should really tell Luigi about meeting one of his old friends the next time he visits me and E. Gadd! But then I remembered.. E Gadd. I felt very disappointed! I hadn’t been able to get Father the one thing he wanted. With my head hanging low, I reached out to open the door, only to notice a paper bag and a note on the floor. I picked the note up.
“Gooigi, I managed to find some extra ones from another market! I hope you didn’t go to too much trouble!
- ❤️ Toadette”
I opened the bag, my eyes widened. Spring onions! Excitedly I rushed in without even alerting the Professor that I came home! I quickly put all my ingredients I stored away in my gooey pouch in a big stew pot and started slicing and dicing. Some time later, I creaked open the Professor’s bedroom door and placed a tray of the precious soup on his lap. But then he spat it out with great force, causing me to jump.
“Gooigi, what is this god awful flavor?! Spring onions? Who told you I liked those? I said I liked TOMATO soup.”
My eyes watered at these words, I think my heart would have shrunk if I had one. I frantically began signing to him, afraid I upset him.
“Oh.. I told you? My apologies, I must have signed the wrong thing to you, aheh. Still I appreciate this gesture very much!” E. Gadd smiled but then noticed me crying. He looked at me very concerned. He gestured for me lean in closer and then embraced me in a hug. I was shocked but then I wrapped my arms around him as well. “I really mean it I’m sorry boy, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I know the lengths you probably went to make this. Your soup is wonderful regardless of what’s in it because YOU made it for me. And you mean so much to me.” He let me go, smiled and patted me on the shoulder. He took another sip of the soup, I could tell he didn’t like it but he kept drinking it. Curious, I turned my hand into a spoon and drank some. I, much like my Father spat it out immediately. I felt like I insulted both him and myself by doing that. Yet some reason the Professor began laughing and for another reason, as did I.
-Onions, taste, yuck.- I signed, doing the sign for vomit on the last one, he laughed again. I couldn’t actually taste, but I’m sure the Professor knew that.
“I love you son.” He told me, everyone of my doubts and fears melted away in that moment.
-Father, I love you- I signed back just as I did that night when he read me a story.