Work Text:
You could always see it. Despite all of his sweet words, you knew. Despite all his actions, all his affectionate touch, all of his words— you knew. Tears brimmed your eyes as you sat in the dark. The silence doing nothing to stop the constant ringing in your ears. Your throat burned.
I love you dearest.
His words echoed through your ears as you closed your eyes to stop any tears from falling. Shaky breaths left you as you tried to just stop thinking.
He loves you. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you.
He loves you.
Right? So why does he not feel yours? Was love supposed to be so painful? Was it supposed to feel like your being burned from inside? Why? Why?
Why did it feel like you have nothing left?
You opened your red, glossy eyes and stared at the moon through your open window. A bitter smile took over your face as you tightly held the calligraphy brush in your hand.
"He loves me…. He says he loves…." You take in a shaky breath as you speak. "So why do I see you in his eyes?"
The brush dropped from your hands as you cried into your hands. Sobs racked from your body as the black ink stained the once clear paper. The whole page getting smudged and ruined. Cries of pain left you as your hands kept rubbing away the tears until the skin hurt where you rubbed away your tears.
How could the world be so cruel? How could Celestia be so cruel? You knew that loving an Archon was not an easy task. You were prepared for all battles and danger. You were prepared for everything.
But you weren't prepared to be loved not as yourself but as someone else.
Yet again you write to him.
I love you, Morax.
And yet again he replies,
I love you as well, dearest.
You can only shout as you cry. You knew. He used to call her that nickname. You were okay with him not loving you or accepting your affection.
Him pretending you were a dead person hurt more than you could even put into words.
You wanted to shout at him. Yell at him. Hurt him as he does you. Tell him how it's not fair. It's not fair.
You wipe away your tears as you babble through your pain. "It's not fair. It's not fair. You're so cruel, Morax."
Realization came upon you the day he had mistaken your favorite flowers as Glaze Lilies. You knew at that moment that Morax never, ever, loved you.
Your favorite flowers were Sumeru roses.
Infact, you were deadly allergic to Glaze Lilies.
A bitter chuckle left your mouth upon the fact that the person as well as the flowers were both poisonous to you.
With a pain you cry out, "Hey Guizhong!" You tell at the sky, tears falling unstopped as your voice cracked.
"Why?! Why are you doing this to me?! If you're gone then why are you killing me like this as well?"
You fall to the ground as tear drops hit the floor. You still remember how he looked at the Guili Plains. How his eyes looked when he talked about her. How he looked at her when he gazed into your eyes.
"I don't deserve this….." You sobbed. Your blank eyes stared at the Geo ring on your bedside table as you stood up with difficulty. Your heart plummets as you see it's engravings.
"This…" you threw the ring at the door in extreme rage, "never belonged to me!"
"He never belonged to me."