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“Jake, do you think my face looks big in this photo?”
Ah, there it was again.
Jay discreetly turned down the volume of the video he was watching from his ipad while hiding behind his airpods to feign that he was removed from whatever conversation Sunghoon and his roommate were having. But then again, Sunghoon usually spoke at the volume of 3 men so he probably didn’t need to do that.
“No? It looks the same?” Jake scrunched his face while looking at the phone his best friend had thrusted in front of his face. Jake probably wasn’t that interested anyway, his hands were deep inside his duffel bag while his spectacles were sliding down his nose. They were going to leave for LA in exactly 5 hours at the break of dawn and Jake had ceremoniously left his packing to the last minute again. Hence, Sunghoon really needed to get his phone out of his face and stop asking stupid questions.
“Are you sure? I think my jaw looks kinda weird here don’t you think?”
“Hoon, you’ve asked me this twice this week and I already told you that you look the same. Why are you asking me this aga-“
“Ya.” Jake’s eyes widened in realization. “Are you fishing for compliments?”
Sunghoon responded with a cheeky smile and wiggled his eyebrows in the exact way he knew would rile his best friend up. “Ya I don’t have time for this! Get out!” Jake turned a cackling Sunghoon around and shoved him out of their room with a harsh push to his ass.
“Jay, can you belie-“
Jay had already turned the volume up to drown out Jake’s grumbling.
--
“Hoon, gym?”
Jay grabbed his gym bag and gave himself one last spritz of perfume for good measure. His gym buddy was a fast packer anyway, and this was their Thursday routine.
“Err yeah let’s go.”
Pumping 70kg on a bench was an arduous feat in itself, but his usual spotter spacing out above him just made each push that much more nerve-wrecking.
“Hey, a little help here??” If Sunghoon didn’t start moving his big, strong, thick (ok maybe the loss of blood to his head was getting to him) arms asap, Jay was going to have a bar shaped dent in his chest.
“Oh! Sorry!” Sunghoon immediately lifted the bar with ease back onto the clip and helped Jay up by his hand.
“Ok, your turn.” The sound of honey being roughly squirted from a bottle filled the entire gym.
“I err. I think I’m gonna get on the threadmill today actually.”
Jay looked at Sunghoon like he had grown two heads. Sunghoon might had been insulted, but he wasn’t the idiot who was holding a damn bottle of honey in a gym.
“You? Skipping the bench?”
“Yeah just for today. Besides, our concert’s coming up. Gotta build stamina y’know?”
Sigh, going to the gym only became fun because Jay was no longer being hounded by his old PT who had a kink for making trainees do an obscene amount of cardio. Well that, and that his gym buddy for the past few months has been his first, and Jay believes will be his last, love of his life who definitely does not love him back so he’ll need to settle for jerking off while crying secretly in the bathroom until his hair turned gray.
“You’re right.”
“Beside, I’m pretty sure you can’t beat my time.” Sunghoon bit his bottom lip and quirked his eyebrows in a way that Jay was sure was supposed to look taunting, but somehow just looked really fucking hot.
“Fuck you, I’m not stopping until you pass out.”
--
“Woah these pictures came out great.” Sunoo awed at the freshly printed photobook that was going to be the final cut for their Japanese album.
“Hyung, you’re only looking at your own photos.” Jungwon deadpanned while flipping through each page. Jay and the maknaes were sitting at the lounge of their practice room while the rest were busy with vocal practice.
“Sunghoon looks good.” Jay said matter-of-factly. Sunghoon did look good. Well, he always looks good but the lowcut white shirt with the crystal body chain and slicked back hair was really doing it for him.
“I know right??” Sunoo pouted at Jay’s comment as if he was offended by Sunghoon’s otherworldly beauty.
“Sunghoon hyung always looks good. I don’t know why he keeps asking me about his face.” Jay looked up from the green and white album to peer at Niki curiously.
“Exactly! He keeps asking me about his face too but I don’t really get it? He always looks the same. He just looks handsome.” Jungwon responded to Niki, slightly exasperated, as if he was glad someone finally brought this up. Sunoo chimed in as well with his usually dramatics of “I know right??” and “seriously this guy dares to say he doesn’t look good? Is he trying to make fun of us?”.
Something gnawed at Jay even after the rest had moved on from the conversation, shifting to their upcoming tour.
Why hasn’t Sunghoon asked him about it?
He knew Sunghoon pestered Jake with questions about his face constantly. But they had best friend status so that seemed right. Jay had also eavesdropped on Sunghoon nonchalantly asking Heeseung how he looked when they were all in their artist room in Inkigayo waiting to perform. The moment that mischievous glint appeared in Heeseung’s eyes, Sunghoon regretted his question.
All it took was one “aww is our baby baekgu ice prince Sunghoonie worried about how he looks? You look adorable as always Sunghoon-ah” for Sunghoon to never approach the topic with the oldest ever again.
Jay figured Sunghoon would bring it up with him sooner or later. As much as they bickered on camera, Sunghoon always confided in Jay. Even after Sunghoon met Jake, he never stopped going to Jay to talk about his problems and run them by him. Jay was analytical and truthful to a fault, and Sunghoon appreciated that about him. Well, that was what Sunghoon had told him embarrassingly when he was forced to write a birthday letter for Jay when he lost a bet at least.
But now, Sunghoon had gone past Jay and even talked to the maknaes about it. Seriously, Sunghoon asked about his face to Niki, the cheekiest motherfucker in the group who never shied away from the opportunity to tease his hyungs. Jay was sure Niki probably gave Sunghoon an even more shameful jab than Heeseung hyung could ever conjure.
It’s obvious this was not a matter of time thing anymore. If Sunghoon had wanted to ask him about it, he would have by now. No, this was something else.
--
Now, normally, Jay is a really patient guy. If he wasn’t he would have strangled Niki, Jungwon and especially JAKE a hundred times over by now. Ok maybe not Jungwon. Although the little fucker knew Jay had a soft spot for him and most definitely used it to his advantage. But with Sunghoon, this frustration was growing unbearable.
Now that Jay was aware that Sunghoon had been purposely avoiding breaching the topic with him, he had grown hypervigilant about the boy in question.
Firstly, Sunghoon was definitely trying to lose weight. Sunghoon had always been particular about his diet, being labelled the “protein monster” when they were bulking up for their comeback. Jay admired his discipline to no end. He knew he could have as much gains as Sunghoon if he had the same willpower to chow down chicken breast as much as Sunghoon did. This new diet however, was different. It wasn’t just less protein, it was less everything. It was clear Sunghoon was trying to shed some pounds and fast. Why? Jay haven’t the smallest clue. Jay tried to tell him that his waist was thinner than the width of a dumbbell, also he would never forget the feeling of Sunghoon’s waist in his hands dear god, but it fell on deaf ears.
Their schedule had picked up as well, which meant less time at the gym. Jay was mulling over the fact that the definition in his arms were dissipating, months of hard work slowly slipping away. Sunghoon however, built up a new routine which consisted of 7am runs on the daily. Now dieting and running a lot is pretty normal for idols, but this just felt off.
Because of the second thing he has noticed.
Sunghoon had been avoiding the camera like the plague. Well, not entirely. Since they were idols, they had cameras shoved in their faces everywhere they went. Groups photos after performances, filming for content for their channel or other programs, and fansites taking pictures of them everywhere they went.
So Sunghoon could not avoid the camera, not unless he wanted a good scolding from their staff. But he definitely avoided looking at pictures of himself. Besides Sunoo, Sunghoon would be the first to monitor his photos and clips to see how he looked. It wasn’t something done out of vanity, unless you’re Kim Sunoo then yes it was most definitely out of vanity, as an idol, you want to make sure you didn’t have leftover kimbap in your teeth before a photo was blasted to million of ruthless netizens online.
“Sunghoon hyung, don’t you wanna check the selfie before we post?” Jungwon asked after everyone had given him the “ok” except Sunghoon.
“Nah I’m good. Just go ahead.”
“Ooo someone’s confident aye.” Sunoo teased. Niki did his ice prince impression and everyone laughed. Sunghoon rolled his eyes and gave his maknaes a cheeky finger, earning him a scolding from the leader.
Somehow Jay couldn’t bring himself to laugh.
--
Fuck being patient. Jay should have never been patient, because a week later, the article came out.
Jay’s blood ran cold when he read it. If it was up to him, he would have blasted each and every one of those bastard commenters with the harshest words he had in him. Belift staff were scrambling to get the article off the page. The group were told to keep off social media for awhile until the entire thing died down.
Sunghoon was surprisingly quiet about it which nerved Jay to no end. What, weeks of pestering the members about his face and today is the day he chooses to keep mum? The members took turns to comfort Sunghoon in their own way, telling him to ignore what the article says, they were just haters and Sunghoon should pay no mind, and even telling him that he looked good.
Sunghoon told them he didn’t care about it and assured them that he was fine.
Jay on the other hand was most definitely not fine, he wanted to scream. At who? He wasn’t sure. At Sunghoon? The guy had heard enough, being screamed at would send him over the edge and make Jay look like a maniac. At the members? They weren’t telling Sunghoon what he really needed to hear. But how could he blame them? They saw Sunghoon as a brother and those were the kind of words you’d tell your brother, love wrapped in a package of toughness.
They wouldn’t be able to tell Sunghoon the words only Jay could. Those weren’t the kind of sentiments you’d tell your brother.
Jay however, settled for putting his arm around Sunghoon and squeezing his shoulder. Hoping that what he wanted to say would be conveyed. Because as much as Jay hated to see Sunghoon in pain, he could not think of any way of comforting Sunghoon without laying his heart out vulnerable and bare before him.
--
The push to shove came when Jay woke up in the middle of the night to make a bathroom run. He was slightly disoriented but still had enough manners to tiptoe out of his room so as not to wake Jake who was recovering from a cold. Muscle memory led him one turn to the common bathroom which was emanating light? Huh, Heeseung hyung must have left the light on.
Well, that’s what he expected at least. What he did not expect to see was Sunghoon in front of the bathroom mirror roughly massaging his jaw with a guasha at 3 in the morning. Sunghoon must not have expected to see Jay either because he dropped the plastic tool onto the ceramic sink as if he was caught doing something wrong.
“Fuck, Jay. You scared me.” Sunghoon quickly picked up the guasha and turned to move past Jay hurriedly. “I was just about done. Go ahead.” Sunghoon mumbled.
“Hold on.” Jay held Sunghoon by the elbow to stop him in his tracks. “Stand here and wait for me. I need to pee.”
Jay closed the door, did his business, washed his hands and opened the door again to a very puzzled looking Sunghoon.
“Jongseong, are you still scared of ghosts or something?”
“I’ve never been scared of ghosts.”
Sunghoon scoffed right before he yelped when Jay took his hand to drag him to the living room and onto the sofa.
“Ask me about it.”
“Ask you about what?”
Jay would have believed Sunghoon’s ignorance if the other wasn’t looking down at his hands, refusing to meet his gaze.
“Sunghoon.”
There was a whole minute of silence, which would be excruciating for most people, but not for Jay. He knew Sunghoon, if he truly didn’t want to talk he would have left by now. Made some excuse about being tired or something, it was three in the morning after all. Only the people who really knew Sunghoon would know that you just needed to wait when it came to him.
“I.. don’t want to.”
“Why?”
“Because you’d tell me the truth and I don’t know if I’m ready to hear it.”
“Try me, just once. Please.” Jay tilted Sunghoon’s chin up to get him to look at him. It’s the boldest move he’s ever made with him but there was no time like the present. He needed to get his message across tonight, hell he needed to do this ages ago.
Sunghoon let out a breath in exasperation and mumbled a quiet “this is ridiculous” before settling on Jay’s eyes. He looked angry, like he was challenging Jay to say something he didn’t already know; hadn’t already heard a million times.
“Jay, do you think my face has gotten bigger?”
“Yes.” Sunghoon’s jaw tightened, being confronted with a truth he hated every day. Jay took Sunghoon’s hand, the one that was still holding the offensive green guasha and gingerly removed it, placing it on the coffee table beside them. Jay squeezed his hand as he took a deep breath.
“But it doesn’t matter. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.” Sunghoon’s eyes widened, jaw dropped like he needed to say something but Jay stopped him with a small smile and a shake to his head.
“Whether your face is smaller or bigger, or you’re slimmer or more muscular, you’ve always been and will always be the most beautiful person I know. You can lose the weight, make your face smaller the same way you worked hard to bulk up. It should be easy for someone like you, give it 2 months and you’ll probably see the results you’re looking for. But nothing’s gonna truly change until you realise that you’re perfection, Sunghoon-ah. At least in my eyes. And not just on the outside, you’re also the most hardworking, diligent and sincere person I know. I don’t want you to hurt yourself because you think you’re hurting the team. I’m sorry I took so long to tell you this, if I had known you’d get hurt like this, I would have told you this years ago. So that you have someone telling you how beautiful you are when you needed to hear it the most.”
The silence was deafening and the room was dark, save for the stray of residual light coming in from the living room window. But Jay saw it, the quivering of lips and the wetness building up in Sunghoon’s waterline, and he pulled the boy in for a hug.
Jay ran his hand through Sunghoon’s hair as he buried his face into his shoulder. Sunghoon always hated people seeing him cry, and so Jay did not rush him. Leaving him to soak the fabric on his t-shirt as long he needed as he carded his fingers through soft locks. His heart swelled as he held the boy’s shaking form, and without thinking, he placed a soft kiss to his temple.
Fuck, Sunghoon froze and Jay immediately regretted his actions, pulling away from Sunghoon in case he didn’t feel safe. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t.. I shouldn’t ha-“ Sunghoon interrupted him by surging forward to plant a shy kiss on his lips. Sunghoon leaned his forehead against Jay’s, their breaths both caught in their throats.
“I lied about why I didn’t ask you. It’s because I care too much about what you think of me, Jongseong-ah.” Sunghoon whispered, their noses brushing together. The tension rose quickly between them, their breaths becoming heavier by the second. But they were still in the living room and god forbid someone walking in on them with Jay slowly growing hard in his pants.
Jay stood up and pulled Sunghoon into the common bathroom before closing the door behind them. They stared at each other for all of three seconds, unsure of what this thing was, before Jay pushed Sunghoon against the cold tiled wall and captured Sunghoon’s lips in his. And Jay tried, with all the hunger he put into that kiss to convey to Sunghoon how much he wanted him and for how long.
Sunghoon moaned into Jay’s mouth as Jay held his face tightly in his hands and used his tongue to taste every part of him. “Will you let me, Sunghoon-ah? Let me show you what I think of you everyday?” Jay asked as he mouthed Sunghoon’s jaw and below his earlobe. Sunghoon keened under his touch and whispered a quiet “yes”.
They were both tented under their thin cotton shorts and Jay almost shouted when Sunghoon made the first move to grind his hips against Jay’s, desperate for some friction. It was embarrassing really, Jay was leaking so much pre-come from their making out that there was a wet patch on the front of his grey shorts. But the sight seemed to turn Sunghoon on even more as he rushed to help Jay scooch both of their pants down to their ankles.
Jay was certain he was seeing stars when he was met with the sight of Sunghoon’s flushed and hard cock. He had dreamed of this, rather guiltily, for years now. And the thought of Sunghoon being hard in front of him, because of him, was making him heady. “Fuck, you’re so hot” was all Jay managed as he pressed his bare cock against Sunghoon’s and tried to wrap his hand around both of them but he couldn’t get it quite right because damn Sunghoon was girthy as hell, like how was his stupid cock as perfect as his face?
“Jay stop comparing my cock to my face and do something!” Sunghoon hissed. “Fuck, sorry.” Jay must have been delirious to say that out loud but he was beyond embarrassment, he desperately needed to come. Sunghoon wrapped his hand around their lengths and pumped in time with Jay. Their muffled moans and the slick sound of their hands filled the bathroom as they stroked their heats feverishly. Jay licked at Sunghoon’s neck, right where there was a small mole on his pale, fair skin, causing Sunghoon’s knees to shudder.
Sunghoon’s back was hitting the cold tiles while he was facing the bathroom mirror, where his flushed face was on full display. It was downright shameful how he looked, eyes lidded and jaw heavy as he took short breaths between each stroke of his cock against Jay’s. “Sunghoon-ah, you’re fucking gorgeous. Do you see that now?”
Sunghoon whined, not wanting to answer such an embarrassing question, instead searching for Jay’s lips as that familiar heat rose in his belly. They captured each other’s moans as they released messily all over their hands and the bathroom floor. They shared a moment of silence, save for their pants as they slowly came down from their high.
“Just in case I didn’t make it clear. I’m in love with you Park Sunghoon.” Jay said resolutely with his pursed lips, disheveled bed head and cum in his hands. Sunghoon’s eyes crinkled as he laughed and wrapped Jay up in a warm hug.
“I know. Tell me again tomorrow.”