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You had never been sure how permanent your life in Jackson would be. It started as whispers you didn't quite believe, yet you found yourself leaned against the wall that evening, one hand holding up a map. It said laid out on your bent knee making pencil scratching on it while your flashlight was bit between your teeth for any kind of a light source. You never gave much thought to why your life was directed to that town specifically. Back then it was just another name, another place you didn't even know would still be standing when you got there.
But Joel had called you family. A man grappling to accept his own place in this life, trying desperately to pull you along with him. Create a new family together that all three of you could live with. The only family you had ever known before was nothing more then a mystery. People who you had been been ripped away from before you could understand who you were to them.
Perhaps that's why as you were struggling to pack up the last of your belongings. Leaving this small, isolating house meant having a new permanent place in Joel and Ellie’s family, but honestly? You weren’t quite sure what family was even supposed to feel like. Memory of what family felt like was filled with confusion and silence, the exact opposite of what Joel was trying to coax out of you.
So you sat there in your once comforting old house, back against the thin metal bed frame as your feet were planted flat on the ground, one knee bent towards you much like the night before you chose to come here. Your nails dug into your lip as the other hand tapped against the leg laying down. Trying to decide what of your old life deserved to be brought into this one, and how much it would make Joel pull away from you if you still couldn’t let go of it.
The thud of footsteps had your head rising in attention. Eyes wide with a pound of your heart causing you to scramble up to turn around and pretending to sort through the scattered items on the bed. A bag laid open and begging for you to just choose what to bring with you already, as you had no doubt Joel was about to comment on how empty it was.
Steps coming towards the room, you caught partially imagine the sight behind you. Joel’s large frame taking up most of the door as he had one arm rested up high on the wood, with the other hung onto a belt loop on the same side his leg stood bent to the side. Turning your head just the slightest to the side, there Joel stood exactly as you pictured.
A small moment of amusement just strong enough to pull a smirk on your lips before you turned back to the pile before you. Warmth enveloped your back as he placed a resting hand over it, leaning over your shoulder with a squint at your progress. “You’re going to end up kicking me out of my own room, bringing all that with you.”
His chin jutted out to the bag just as you predicted. Your shoulders shrugged, not yet looking at him while you fiddled with the clothes you folded and refolded. “Just don’t want to take up space is all.”
A rumbling hmm vibrated against your back from deep in his chest. Instead of responding, Joel just reached around you and grabbed the pile in one hand and tossed it unceremoniously into the bag. A plop of fabric slumped into the insides while Joel continued to reach and pull your small survival kit in front of you.
Sparing a glance you were taken back to find Joel’s stark brown eyes already boring into your own. He only waited for a raise of your eyebrows to dismiss your complaint. “If that’s you taking up space I’d hate to see what the bare minimum would be.”
You watched his body leave your side and the radiating warmth along with it as he leaned his body up against the adjacent wall. Arms crossed as he refused to take his eyes off you. “How many times am I going to have to remind you that I asked you to move in. Not the other way around.”
The sigh that left your body was heavy, deflating your shoulders more if such a thing were even possible. Your nails dug into the skin of your fingers as you fiddled with them. “It’s just, moving in is supposed to be this big deal isn’t it?”
That was a cope and you both knew it. So you kept not looking at him as if he couldn’t call your bluff if he didn’t see your face. Joel however, didn’t have the patience for this game. “Not sure I’d call saving you the 5 minutes it takes to walk to my house every morning, that you barley even have to do anymore anyways, a big deal.”
He got a smirk out of you again. Joel had basically kept you at his house for the past week and a half like you already lived there. The only reason he brought up finally moving the rest of your stuff in today was only when you woke up this morning realizing you’d have to wear Joel’s stuff just to wash all of your own.
You’re flat response of, “What? You suddenly decide you don’t want me wearing your clothes anymore?” Didn’t go unscathed. Only getting you a slap to your ass as Joel walked by you, muttering something under his breathe about you being a brat. If that man had his way, you’d live in his stuff just to satisfy his greedy eyes.
Now though, your mind was flaring with hangups. The once worrying thought of invading in their lives creeping up on you. Only this time you had no excuse. You both knew he wanted you with him, and deep down you wanted it too. But being a father to Ellie was new, and you didn’t want to get in the way of it.
Dropping the things in your hand, you turned your body entirely to look at him. Joel was too handsome for his own good, and it made you weak. Your voice came out meeker then intended, “I just want to be sure you asked me because you and Ellie genuinely want it, not because-”
“Because you think I only asked you when you were upset? And not because I’ve been thinking about asking you every single time you go home for bed at night when I should be pulling you into mine” His face always looked serious. His soft features somehow capable of sitting harsh and stern on his face that you thought was anger when first meeting him.
Joel’s eyes though spoke other emotions. Yearning swam through them with need, a perfect match to the itch in your muscles begging to seek comfort in his arms when you felt like this. Your head dropped in frustration. A wish flowing through you that you could just give up these urges to push him away. He has done nothing but shown you support and possibly something bordering on love, yet here you were trying to create scenarios in your head that were the opposite.
This time when Joel’s body heat looms over you, he lets it consume you entirely as pulls your back into his chest. Automatically your eyes slide shut, leaning back into him with hands weakly grasping at his forearms around your front. His voice deep in your ear as he spoke.
“If you want to stay here, that’s fine. I’m not demanding anything, but it’s still all on you. If you don’t want to stay with us you have to decide that for yourself. But don’t put that on me by making up excuses in your head, sweetheart.” You bit part of your lip instinctively when you felt Joel press a kiss to the top of your head.
“Joel-”
He interrupted you, sliding his arms from your torso to rest his hands on your waist as he kept his nose pressed to your hair. Mumbling his words. “You come over when you’re ready. I’m leaving that space for you whether you take it or not.”
You missed him already as he pulled away, the loud thud of his shoes echoing in the mostly empty house as he left. The last of his presence fading with the creaking front door and sounds of him descending the steps.
It felt dirty, but there still was no time between Joel no longer in sound range and you bending to the ground, tearing out the loose floorboard to drag out the small wooden that lived in there. Resting it on the bed, you flicked it open rummaging through the scattered contents. Finding the leather binding at the bottom, you dragged your fingertips over it.
The urge to open it back up and reread the text for what would feel like the millionth time once again resurfacing. The tome of writings and works that filled it once was a memory you stopped caring to obsess over. Your past was laid out out in detail that didn’t matter for a long time. Everyone had a past they wished to forget.
So why did it keep yelling at you to remember it? Look at it again and ask of it’s relevancy to your life now it begged. But your past was only getting in the way. You’d bring this manuscript of memories to your life with Joel and it would loom over you, and it would be much harder to keep secret.
Everything else on the bed got tossed into your bag, while the journal filled with painful memories you haunted yourself with once again got stowed away in the floorboard. Hastily being hidden back in it’s place, as if the wood wasn’t disturbed beside the rest of the floor.
You didn’t look back at the house as you walked hastily onto the front yard, but you did however come face to face with the only other person who could do a better job at convincing you to move in then Joel could.
Ellie sat on top of a tall rock, hands tapping at her thighs while she looked around. Her head only perking up when she saw you, but seemed to hold herself back from jumping down eagerly at the sight of your things. Instead slowly sliding her feet onto the gravel trying to keep an even tone. “Is that the rest of it?”
Your heart tickled at how much she was pretending to be neutral. Without much thought, you slid your bag down your arm and tossed it to her. Watching with a hand hiding the laugh wanting to burst out at the sight of Ellie almost falling back onto the rock with an ‘oof’ at the sudden weight.
Getting her bearings she glared up at you with a baby pout. “Did you pack all your furniture in here too?”
That got you rolling your eyes, no longer bothering to hide the smile as you stepped to her. Grabbing the bag and sliding it back over your shoulder, the other hand pulling Ellie into your free side by the shoulder. “You and Joel live together or something? It’s like hearing his jokes but coming out of your mouth.”
Ellie deciding to stay leaning into your side the short walk back to her home. “Yeah, but I’m the one people actually laugh at.”
Your face pinched in amusement, unable to hold back what would no doubt rile her up. “Oh? Laugh at what? Your jokes or just you?” Not much strength went behind how much she shoved you, and her face falling at how little you stumbled only got you to laugh out loud this time.
“Don’t say it.” Her tone was grumpy, much like the very man she lived with and you let the laugh go until it was a chuckle. You didn’t say it, but you definitely were laughing at her that time. Apparently you being apart of their family meant being infected with the incessant urge to make jabs at one another.
Just another thing you weren’t used too.
The evening was a little bit easier then the packing. Joel all but threw your bag onto the floor of his bedroom before crowding you up against the wall. His lips moulding against yours with his hands cupping your cheeks. His tongue licked and teased at yours without ever fully committing, in and effort to restrain his dwindling self control.
Your hands snuck underneath the collar of his shirt to run your palms over his shoulders and the back of his neck, nails digging into the exposed skin. All you could do was surrender your lips to his kiss and hold onto him for the ride.
As he deepened the kiss, one of your hands snaked up to rake through his hair pulling a bass like grumble deep in his chest. Joel’s knee forcing it’s way between your legs, and using an arm to wrap around your back pulling you down onto it.
The shock against your core even through the layers spiked in your veins, a mix of a cry and a moan escaping your lips. Joel’s door not even fully closed you bit your lip harshly and dug your nails deeper into his skin to ground yourself.
Joel however, groaned into your mouth and pushed up against you the same time he pulled you down again, slowly dragging his thigh back and forth ever so slightly. His hands strong, keeping you pressed against him, the constant pressure filling up in your lungs only able to come out in breathy pants to contain yourself.
You both knew now wasn’t the time though. There were things to do, Ellie was up and around but Joel didn’t make it easy. A hand at the back of your head coaxing you back in every time you pulled away from his kiss. He was all consuming though, never not putting everything into his touch and trying to get away from his greediness as a challenge.
Gently you pulled your hands from under his shirt collar, smoothing down to press against him just above the stomach as you tried to fight against his hand keeping you attached to his mouth. For a moment Joel looked concerned at you pushing him away. His grip on you turning urgent instead of needy and his eyes ducked more to lock with yours only to find softness instead of upset.
You rubbed against his torso, and another along his cheek. Feeling his beard scratching at your skin delightfully. “Later.”
You felt his hands pull away from such a greedy hold and simmer down to a gentle rest on your waist as he looked down at you, his lips just a tad more plump from the roughness he kissed you with. His nose rubbed against the skin of your cheek, his breathe hitting you with each soft spoken word. “What, you move in and suddenly you think you’re going to start telling me what to do?”
Grinning, you kissed just below his ear as your thumbs stroked over where they could reach his covered stomach. “Get back to work, Miller. We got all the time in the world for this later.” You both knew the idea of Joel being ordered around by you was laughable. Whatever independence he respected whole heartedly in your everyday life went out the window the second that door closed. You put your needs in the palm of his hands when it came to intimacy and neither of you had interest in changing that.
The chuckle on his lips lit his face up, Joel pulled you into his side and made his way to the partially opened door. Leaning to kiss the top of your head with a mumble, “You bet your ass I’ll make time, sweetheart.”
Finally pulling away from you Joel walked into the main room, clearly having things to go over with Ellie as you walked to the kitchen table and moved a large pack up onto it. You circled around to see the main part of the house as you pulled out an axe handle detached from it’s blade, looking a little worse for wear. Not anything that couldn’t be fixed, but you couldn’t help but wonder what on earth Tommy had been doing to bust up the handle like that.
Strange how it still felt intrusive, glancing up to see Ellie and Joel in a whisper toned conversation you weren’t invited too. Ellie’s face bright with some kind of teasing mischief while contrasting against the much more flat faced fondness Joel was giving to her. So you looked back down. Focused on what you were doing, and prayed maybe living like a normal family would just get easier with time.
Being in Joel’s home with him felt routine yet foreign. Like being here as a part of his life now switched a flip in your head, had you looking at this life and wondering if everyone else felt as distant as you. If someone were to ask about your previous life you weren’t even sure what you would tell them. Once haunting dreams were pushed into the back of your mind as your new life filled your nightmares with new images.
It wasn’t as if you’d never seen anything domestic, small pockets of people for years made a life with some semblance of peace. Hell if you walked into Tommy and Maria’s home on any given day you might not even think it was a changed world outside those walls. They were normal. So why did being normal with Joel feel so odd? Especially when you knew it wasn’t his fault.
Joel had tried not long ago to entice you to bed, a deep rumbling in your ear and wandering hands that burned in it’s wake stirred your core. You were with them, with him. You chose a life with them and it seemed to have given Joel as desperate yearning for proof. Have you in his home and not worry that he’ll wake up one day from the fantasy.
You gently pushed him back, told him you’d be there in a second. Which by now, was at least twenty minutes ago. Instead of being in his arms, your own were wrapped around each other as they rested on the soaking banister outside. It wasn’t a pouring rain, but a mist that reminded you all too well of the day you were walked into town. A defensive expression and held back silence as it slowly soaked your hair, barley beginning to dry when a door flew open and in walked a broad man with a permanent glare that for some reason found your defensive silence enticing.
Now that glare had simmered down to a general gruffness, the past year since he arrived softened those edges, whereas the months you had been here brought struggles and unknowns into his attempt at peace. Interrupting the desire to feel like a family by having the memory of your pathetic excuse of a childhood, and how that somehow continues you to haunt your life. Looming over your mind like a parasite.
Or a fungus to be more insensitive. You’d smirk at your own terrible sense of humour, but honestly Ellie is the only person on earth who’d consider laughing at that and even then, you’re not quite sure how much she actually knew about it. How much did the Marlene actually tell her about her truth and what the consequences would have been without Joel?
The light misting you had been receiving lulled you into your thoughts enough that the dim outside light flickering on startled you. Before you could question it, the door creaked open and closed as Joel found a spot pressed close to your side, arms brushing together.
“Didn’t think having sex on the front lawn was part of the plan for the night.” Somehow his warmth still enveloped the side closest to you even over the mist. He didn’t pull you into his side or back to his chest though, he knew when to let you come to him.
Barley managing a smirk, any joke to respond with died as you opened your mouth. “I uh, wasn’t really ready. Too much on my mind I guess.” Your jaw clenched along with your lungs tightening hoping not to give away the anxiety in your breathing.
You could see Joel nodding in his peripherals, his lips pursed in thought looking straight ahead into the dark street as you were. His eyes weren’t quite on you when he turned his head slightly to the side, maybe enough to watch your nails unconsciously carve into the wood they rested on. For some reason, you took his silence as offence. “I didn’t mean- nothing to do with not wanting you or anything. I meant like, I’d be distracted you know?”
You couldn’t quite see but Joels eyes slipped shut as his jaw clenched even harder with the single shake of his head. Still not looking up at you as he spoke, disappointment flowing through his voice. “I wish you’d stop doing that.”
Finally your head turned, looking at him properly as Joel did the same to you. You raised an eyebrow at him while your lungs continued to restrict your airflow. Joel’s eyes didn’t keep the same disappointing tone of his voice. Instead they held a sort of frustration. “Making excuses for yourself. Acting like you know what I want to hear, when all I care about is what’s actually going on up here.”
Your eyes fluttered briefly as you felt Joel’s hand smooth over the side of your head. His touch lingering a second too long but still pulling back to give you that space. Biting the inside of your cheek, you felt your own frustration build. Pushing up on the banister, your palms now sat flat atop the wet surface finally giving you a chance to take a deeper breathe.
“Does it ever feel weird to you?” You looked over at Joel who was now giving you a questioning look, but you didn’t know how much you wanted to watch him as your continued. “Having all of this? Waking up with a normal life when the last time any of us had it was drastically different?”
Joel had never been made quite clear on your own past, but he has been open to you in quiet moments during the night about his. What led him here, what brought him and Ellie together, how far off track his life became once everything started, and most painfully, what he lost that brought him here. You never asked about Sarah directly, it wasn’t your place but you both knew what was being unsaid.
Joel pushed up on the banister to copy your own stance, not needing to say anything about the hand closest to him that twitched slightly. “The life itself doesn’t feel weird to me. But accepting that I was allowed to have it again was. Well, more painful if I’m being honest.”
Your fingers tingled with an urge to reach out, link at least a pinky to his but you didn’t want to interrupt him as he found his mind wandering in the forest. “Raising Ellie isn’t anything like what it was with Sarah. Our life now is completely different then the one I had with her. Getting used to that wasn’t the hard part.”
Joel’s own hand slid over to rest over top the very wrist you had been glancing at. This time you’re the one who filled the void between words. “It was accepting that wanting it wasn’t wrong.”
His eyes were bright but filled with a glaze that wasn’t caused by the mist. His grip tightened and then loosened on repeat as his shoulders sat high and tense on his body. “I don’t regret the way it turned out. With Ellie I mean. If you send me and her back a year when I first met her I’d do it all over again for her.” There was a pause before a tiny smirk started to grow. “Maybe be less of an asshole about it but that’s beside the point.”
The grip on his wrist finally loosened, enough that you could see the colour returning to his skin as he spoke. “But if I’m being honest? Sarah would’ve given me shit for how long it took me to even consider trying any of this again. She was always trying to find ways to make it easier for me or to just convince me to make things easier on myself. Not sure she’d be happy that it took me all this time to actually start listening to her. To just do things for myself for once.”
Your heart filled with a sorrow, despite the love in his voice the pain would never go away. But she was right, if Joel wasn’t going to make it easier on himself then you and Ellie were there to start picking up the slack. You found your courage and reached over with a pink to lightly wrap it across his own, but Joel wasn’t having it.
The same hand lifted up suddenly and grabbed your hand entirely, holding it firm in his warm grip before resting it back down. His thumb positioned just right to stroke the skin of your own wrist.
You didn’t have anything to say to make him feel better, but you knew at least one thing that you knew to be true. “She’d be proud of you.” You could feel his muscles straining through this arm down to his fingertips as you took a step to the slide, pressing your body much more against him. “Everything you’ve done? She’d still be proud. You love each other, and even now that still has never gone away. And it’s never going to.”
You couldn’t bare to look at him at that moment. Already knowing how he looked, trying to old back a silent agony that threatened to water up in his eyes if he dwelled for too long. Joel barley started to speak before you refused to let him backtrack. “I’m proud of you too. I’m glad you have all this, actually found a life again.”
He used his hold on you to pull you into him, his body taking a step back to position you right in front of him. Hands still joined now resting above your heart and his other hand keeping you against him at the waist. The shaky breathe he took stabbed a your heart. His jaw pressed against the side of your head his voice was a coarse whisper. “Then let me do the same for you. Stop pretending I deserve shit that you don’t.”
Your heart beat harder in your chest, not quite in anxious way but with just the right amount of force that you could feel each beat like a thump. He wanted you to just stop hiding from him, and realistically? Hadn’t he seen enough of you already to know what he’s getting into? It took him weeks upon weeks to learn how to balance healing and being a father again.
The struggles you two have been through since you arrived in Jackson months ago told him everything he needed to know. Joel knew you better then a single person before ever even wanted to try, hiding from him was useless at this point. You’re lives were intertwined and that’s the way he wanted it. So you just said what the core issue was.
“I never had a family before this. Not a real one. I don’t know how any of this works.” Ripping it off like a bandaid. Only that rip had Joel’s hands tighten against you.
You never had one in the first place, and his along with part of his soul was ripped away from him. His lips pressed against the top of your head as he spoke. “Stop hiding how you feel, and you’re doing just fine, sweetheart.”
You let go of his hand and turned in his hold. Joel’s arm moving to brace beside you on the banister once more essentially locking you in his space. Much like earlier that day, your hands rested on his stomach, palms smoothed over the soft fabric. Your eyes forcing themselves to look into his own, overwhelmed by the fondness he poured into yours. “I’m not trying to push you away. I just-”
Joel left your waist to cup the side of your face, “Need time to get used to it?”
Words got caught in your throat, an emotion crawling up the pipeline to escape that you didn’t want to ruin the sweeter tenderness of the moment. So you nodded instead.
Joel tilted your jaw to look up at him before leaning down to press a chaste kiss to your lips. Your bodies relaxing as you sighed into the kiss. Letting him guide your mouth without deepening or demanding them further.
A man truly capable of taking your breathe away with a simple press of his lips you felt lightheaded the more he kept your mouths together, but you didn’t have the will power to pull away. Instead choosing to press up against his front forcing both of his hands to steady you on your hips.
Joel tilted his head just slightly to change the angle as his own will power cracked a bit. The brief pause you got as he moved gave him the chance to tease the inside of your mouth with his tongue. He pulled you into his hips tighter as your own hands drifted up to grip at his shoulders.
The more you let him taste you, the weaker you made one another. You came out here alone to escape this intimacy and Joel followed to keep your anxiety from pulling you away. Not to continue what he desired in the first place, yet here you were. Both of you wanting to take away the other’s pain.
Your tongue brushing back against his only to have him pull back, his kiss back to almost a caress, but never did he try and pick up the speed. Just keeping your mouths pressed together like a surviving need. His hands begun to wander, sliding your shirt up just enough to press his hands against your skin.
Gripping the plushness he found, Joel instinctively pushed his hips into yours unable to control the growing hardness underneath his clothes. However quickly he got you worked up from his rising touch around your sides, shirt rising more and more with it, you had him worked up far quicker with a kiss alone. You let out a muffled moan into his mouth as you felt the bulge between you two grow and rub against your own core.
You wrapped your arms round the back of his neck raking through the damp hair as the mist continued to make moving against one another slicker. Joel groaned back into your mouth as he greedily continued to press harder against your hips. The sensation of his cock growing harder while pressed right up against you had you pulling away from his mouth just to catch your breath.
Joel rubbed his nose gently up and down the length of yours, never bothering to open his eyes as he reveled in how comforting your presence made him. As you tried to gently brush your nose back, he playfully nudged you instead, your face pushed slightly to the side so he could continue his path tracing his nose across your soft cheek.
Your heart lifted, floating in mid air as you let out an honest giggle. Joel kissing you once as he chuckled back. Opening his eyes without pulling away to look at your expression. Lighter then he’d seen it in days. That lightness though, turned to a jumping embarrassment at the exact same time Joel’s turned to it’s standard flat grumpiness at a particular voice behind them.
“Back to fooling around in the middle of the night so mom won’t catch you Joel?”
While Joel kept his hold on you, not even bothering to give you the decency of letting your shirt fall back down. Simply not willing to let go of your soft skin for that long he just looked over your shoulder with the blankest of expressions he could muster.
“You here to watch or did you actually want something?” Furthering the deep grump look on his face, you forced his hands to leave you as you turned back to face the front. Tommy stood not too far from the stairs, one leg bent slightly and hands on his hips to accompany the bemused grin on his face.
His hand gestured to the porch light, “Saw that was on and I figured I’d stop by to tell you there’s a few spots around the perimeter we should check out sometime in the next few days.”
Joel’s eyes narrowed more. “That’s what couldn’t wait until morning?” His hands unwilling to be on their own, Joel grabbed at your waist under your shirt once more. Gripping the plush skin there like a stress reliever.
Tommy himself held a bit of a serious but hesitant look as he rubbed the front of his face. “We should go sooner rather then later. Maria’s mentioned a few weird things around the outskirts that I want to deal with before it becomes an actual issue.”
You didn’t need to look behind you to know Joel’s head was just as deep in thought as his brothers. It was often they were on the same wavelength about this sort of thing. Your own curiosity getting the better of you, you leaned forward to rest your palms against the banister again, not at all noticing how that left your ass to press up against Joel’s clothed erection just enough to tease him. His hands gripped your hips tightly, keeping you pressed there yet still paying full attention.
You were the worst thing that ever happened to Joel’s concentration.
“What sort of things?” Tommy looked at you as he shrugged at your question. Not dismissively, but in an unsure kind of manner.
“Just some stuff out of place, broken fence pole here and there. Nothing massive but it’d be best we deal with it now before some shithead sneaks his way in and causes issues.”
You tried to stand back up but Joel’s grip stopped you. He didn’t even flinch as he subtly pulled your ass harder against his covered cock, his face and eyes on his brother all business. There was no mistakening his cock twitching against the curve of your ass cheeks it strained behind jeans to slide through. Joel’s voice a bit more gruff, sending a shock down between your legs as you blinked excessively to drain the sudden rush inside you from showing.
And Joel called you the brat.
Both brothers agreeing on a time and place before Tommy said his goodbyes. He had already turned around headed home when his voice shouted out one last tease. “Better sneak her in through the window before Ellie sees you’re still up.”
You smirked as Joel rolled his eyes. Finally alone again, Joel tugged you up to stand properly, but turned you with him towards the front door. Before you could open it though, he cupped your chin with his fingers pulling you to his mouth for another innocent kiss.
His thumb reached to trace back and forth against your bottom lip. Pressure increasing when you gave it a tiny peck, eyes happily watching his. “C’mon trouble maker. Before the boss lady catches us.”
His smile was just soft, pulling you in for another kiss lasting seconds longer. His lips brushing against yours as he spoke. “We’re honest with each other from now on, okay?” Your nod wasn’t enough. “I need you to say it out loud. Promise me.”
You reached up, scratching gently at the scruff of his beard. “I promise.”
His brows narrowed as he nodded in acceptance. Joel though was always good at compartmentalizing, and a dark glint slid across his eyes as did a smirk. Teasing you with a brush of his tongue once more in the next kiss, refusing to pull away from tasting your mouth until you did for air. His voice was deep and dripping in a lust that burned your bones. “Now about what you ran away from earlier.”
You let out a genuine surprised smile as he grabbed your hips. Pushing you towards the front door only letting go to open it, get you inside with one hand still guiding you. The second you both were inside Joel used that one hand to tug you forcefully into his chest.
His head bent to whisper in your ear along with a nibbling kiss. “Now be good and go lay out on our bed for me.” His tongue licked and kissed along your neck that he could reach from behind. “I have other places on you I need to taste.”
Shoving you forward you heard the front door finally close, and followed by the click of the lock as you walked towards his room at the end of the hall. Or your room to be specific. No doubt Joel was going to turn that kind of mentality into a lecturing lesson if you didn’t knock that off.
The last time though that you ever shared a room with someone else, was before you went off by yourself. Was when you were traveling with a group in a place where there were only so many rooms to sleep in. People that turned around and stabbed you in the back, or more accurately, tried to attack you in your sleep. You were alone until Jackson.
You hadn’t quite listened to Joel. You found yourself stuck as you sat at the edge of the bed, hands braced on your knees trying to imagine living in this room like it was yours. Small hints of Joel were everywhere but even with the things you brought over there was very little you could add to it. It still was his room to you.
By the time Joel crept in quietly, his eyes narrowed at your eyes distant looking at nothing. Your fingers tapping at your legs the only movement you were making. He knew talking more of it out right now wouldn’t help you. You were lost in your head enough as it was, especially the past week and a half.
Sitting down and coaxing uncomfortable truths more then you’ve already shared today wasn’t the answer. No, Joel needed to do something for you that he knew you weren’t going to even consider doing for yourself. He needed to get you away from your thoughts for a while.
Ironically, Joel so naturally did for you what Sarah had insisted he do for himself. Stand back and stop thinking for a little while.
Your eyes slid to the side to see his figure near the door. You could hazily see him pulling off his flannel leaving him only in a soft grey tee shirt. Turning your head to look at him more you were caught on the shirt rather then his determined expression. Joel just looked so soft like this. No stiff posture at the ready for any moves, no layers bulking his already large and intimidating frame, no weapons strapped to either of you braced for the worst.
No words were exchanged as he stepped to you, his fingers pulling your chin up to look at him. His brown eyes were dark and lost in a thought of his own, but Joel was better at juggling his life and his mind then you were. You stretched your neck up to meet his body leaning over you.
What you assumed would be a gentle kiss consumed you as soon as your lips met one another. Joel’s hand grasped the back of your neck, keeping you angled up at his will. His kiss was harsh, much harsher then anything earlier in the day.
He moved against yours demanding you obey him, even through how much he stole your breathe away. A large hand grasped at your hip as he worked in tandem with you to push further onto the bed and pushing your body down entirely when you reached the middle. Climbing up on top of you, his hand drifted up to cup the back of your head as his tongue teased you without ever following through.
Trying to pull away, you drifted to his neck without ever keeping you mouth off of him. Small kisses turned to scratches of your teeth before you bit down with more force. A stuttered groan left him as his body seized up. The hand on your head leaving to press into the sheets beside you curled into a fist.
You could feel the coarse brush of his facial hair against your cheek the higher up his neck you bit at, but it felt as if it heightened your greed to give more to him. There was no amount of Joel’s roughness in appearance or nature that you didn’t bask in. It just scratched against you, fueling your own need to lightly lick at whatever your teeth just sunk into. Ease what roughness was imprinted on him even by you.
Too distracted by the low needy sounds he tried and failed to hold back you didn’t realize his hands had moved. It wasn’t until he yanked your pants half way down your thighs did you even realize he undid the button and zipper. You gasped, pulling from his neck to see dark eyes and his mouth slightly open from harsh breaths. Using to fingers he tapped at your naked thigh, “Up.”
Nodding you gave him enough room to slid it down further and watched as he hastily yanked it the rest of the way off and tossed them behind. His brows were narrowed and his face much sharper then when you were outside. For a second Joel just stared at you, raising an eyebrow waiting to see if you cooperated.
Hesitantly, you bent your knees up on the bed, your feet flat on the sheets as you spread them just slightly before Joel with one hand pulled your underwear off. The sound of a strain in fabric heard from the lack of patience he had to wait for you to lift your hips up once more. Tossing them even further then your bottoms had reached.
Whatever distance your legs spread wasn’t anywhere near what he wanted. Joel pushed your knees apart and wasted no time filling the empty space between them. Brushing his lips over your inner thigh, his hands braced on them as well tightly. His facial hair itched you the closer it got to right between your legs, but paled in comparison to the sudden sharp bite he dug his teeth into. You gasped loudly, but the sound of his hand leaving your other thigh to smack at the skin echoed louder.
Trying to move your legs to give his broad shoulders more space, Joel shoved them for you, straining the muscles as he pushed them beyond what you could stretch yourself and kept them there by pushing his shoulders into the space. “I’m the one doing the work here, got it?”
His nose traced a path from the top of your mound down to nudge at your clit instead of expecting you to reply. Your nerves sparked alight as he licked your clit, the most feather light nibble next and then another lick. Working you with a sting and a smooth pleasure that had you floating.
Your feet strained and fidgeted against the sheets as he refused to let up. His path started to take longer, as he left shamelessly mess kisses down the length of your pussy before licking back up to your clit. Nothing but a tease that built up such a coiling pleasure that you were left with barley any thoughts to form into words that weren’t him.
The deeper he teased his tongue into you with every swipe down, the more he peeked up to see your hands either tearing into your hair or grasping at the sheets below. You didn’t know why you felt him smirk into your folds, but it made you whimper at the sensitive movement.
If you asked Joel why he did, he’d have nodded to your hands ever finding a place to stay. Joel had no issue with greedily running through your hair as you sucked his cock, but you never found the same courage to reach down and rake yours into his when he went down on you. One of these days he’d finally corrupt you enough, get you to take whatever you needed from him.
For now though, his hands pushed your thighs now as wide as possible before finally tasting inside of you like he needed. Your hips jolted and your legs strained under his grasp as he licked into you leaving no spot inside untouched.
Your voice only strong enough to mutter a breathy almost inaudible, “Oh fuck” as his mouth worked you over aggressively. One hand of his slid up over your thigh to just above your mound. His thumb pushing down against your clit and rubbing circles, up and down, anything he could muster while the rest of his hand and arm pushed your hips down significantly.
Shaking in his hold as he lapped up what you gave him, seeking those prized spots inside of you that had you throw out moans without any filter. The pressure against your pelvis increased how sensitive his work on your clit felt, made you burn the more his mouth tasted you and sent your vision white and ears ringing before you could understand how quickly your orgasm approached.
The coil inside of you tensing you with pleasure, you didn’t even hear Joel. None of his rasping words hit your ears. You may not have noticed, but your brain did. A warmth flowing through your veins and had your moans desperate and bordering on almost emotional, but it was muted from your consciousness at the warm lick of Joel’s tongue inside you.
Together it all mixed, and with no true warning, Joel’s hands quickly grasped at the sides of your hips and held you firmly in place as you came. Nothing but needy cries from your mouth, but Joel refused to leave your cunt until you grasped onto him to make him stop.
You felt shocks at your core at how little he eased up on how aggressively he licked and tasted you after your orgasm started letting you go back down to earth. “Wait, J-Joel, fuck,”
Sliding his greedy mouth back up the length of your core and back to the same treatment he teased you and your clit with at the start, but without any care of how sensitive and soaked you were now. He wanted you to tell him what you needed. Even if it was just to breathe, for him to ease up on your overstimulated pussy for a moment, he needed you to tell him what it was you needed from him.
You trusted him to take care of you, but he scraped his teeth at your clit trying to coax you to be honest about how you wanted him to take care of you. You pleaded with no real meaning behind it, a cry for him to understand. He did. But he wanted you to know what you wanted.
It was too much, your brain was foggy and his mouth between your legs was more then you could handle. You started to feel a lurch in your chest and finally it spurred you to reach down. Not even thinking about it, you instinctively raked your hand through his hair and begged. “Joel please, I need a minute. I can’t-”
One single kiss was pressed to your clit, and Joel pulled away from you. Your eyes were shut, finally able to catch your breathe. His own breathing hitting your face, nose gently rubbing against your cheek as his face leaned over yours. One hand stroking your other cheek and his body laying over yours. His weight pressing you down like a weighted blanket to keep you calm.
“I got you, sweet girl. You still with me?” His voice strained but soothing. You nodded, feeling Joel kiss your cheek and turning your mouth to press much more gentle against yours. His lips coaxing your heart to slow down to normal finally.
You slid your arms around him, happily keeping him pressed against you for a while. You nudged your nose against his as you scratched your nails into his hair. “Let me take care of you.”
Joel shook his head no. Kissing your lips, then your forehead before pressing his against yours. “That’s my job, sweetheart.” He smiled at your brows narrowing along with a pout on your lips.
“But-”
He kissed you once more, “How about you just keep me nice and warm for a while?”
In your still far away brain, you didn’t quite get what he meant but you nodded anyways. You trusted him, and all you wanted was to say yes for making him feel good too. He shushed you gently when you reached out for him. Eyes fluttering open to see him taking a moment to shed the rest of his clothes before crawling back to you.
Joel turned your body to the side, his face in your neck as one hand trailed down to his cock that was pressed up against your ass. You lifted your leg slightly and Joel pulled it back to rest over his, “Up here, that’s right, good girl.”
He chuckled to himself at the shiver rolling through you at that one. Gently he swiped his cock over your soaked entrance a few times before pressing his chest against your back. Sliding his cock inside of you, there was no resistance to his thick size so soon after having his mouth on you.
Whimpering slightly, you reached an arm back to wrap behind his neck and Joel kissed the side of your head. You barley could turn to see even part of his face with your eyes struggling to stay open. “Like this?”
Joel pulled you as close into him as possible, you gasping at the shift of his cock inside of you fitting so snugly. “Just like this, sweetheart.”
Neither of you moved for a bit, but your limbs felt heavy despite the delicious way his cock filled you even so still. Your head moved further into the pillow as your voice was sleepy. “Joel, I don’t know if I can-”
Joel’s own eyes were closed at that point. Pressed a kiss to your hair and pulled you as close as he could get you, trying to control himself at your walls clenching around him. “I’m happy just like this.” Your eyebrows narrowed despite your eyes themselves sliding shut like his and you weren’t surprised Joel somehow sensed that. “Just for a little while.”
That little while wasn’t exactly true. It took little time for you both to fall asleep. Joel only having enough strength to pull the sheet up to cover your naked bottom half before he fell asleep. His arms tight around you, and your pussy tight around his cock. You two would tackle anything heavier another time he decided.
Though, that wasn’t quite true either. In fact something else entirely would come creeping up on you. But for now, you tried to balance between letting him in, and letting go for yourself.
It always annoyed you when the weather was like this. The sun bright and clear as it beamed down onto the street, giving the illusion that it would feel warm as it baked into your skin. But instead you were left with a crisp chill in the air and enough snow that forced you to shovel off the platform you were currently on. One of your legs sat tucked under your body as the other hung over the edge, scattered wood sat to the side of you. Holding up large screws up to the sunlight, one eye squinting as you tried to make out how in shape it was.
Maria had all but thrown a carrying case at you not long ago when she asked “You know much about bows?” Your eyebrow raised in question but you nodded.
“I know enough.”
Suddenly you were catching a heavy bag with pieces clanked inside of it. “You can keep them if you have the patience to put them all together.”
Now here you sat, the limbs of two bows scattered as you tried to find which parts were the right fitting attachment. You had hardly paid attention as you looked back to the pile, tossing the screw aside with a huff before looking through the assortment that had just sat loose at the bottom of the bag. Not hearing anything coming up to you, your head shot up eyes sharp in alert as a heavy foot gently kicked at the foot dangling over the platform edge.
It was severely unfair of Joel to stand there, the sun shining down on him in just the perfect way that lit his skin up with a glow, and reflected off of the scattered greys in his hair. Nothing even close to a proper winter jacket for how cold it had been getting sat on his person, a stark contrast to your similar one that barley kept you from shivering. At least Joel ran warm enough that it didn’t matter for him.
One of his hands reached out, pulling a limb up towards him as he tossed it mindlessly in his hand. “Finally getting that storage closet cleared out?”
Your face twisted slightly as you turned the screw in tight enough to strain your hand. “Yeah, some old recurves. Not in the best shape, but I figure they’ll do the job well enough.” Reaching to the side you came upon nothing, realizing Joel had the other limb.
Reaching out for it, Joel pulled his arm back as your hand flailed to nothing. Your face fell flat, mouth pressed in a thin line as Joel’s eyes swam with amusement. Deciding to lean his legs against the concrete, he relented. Giving you the limb, and crossing his arms over his chest as he now watched your focused work. “You shoot with a bow often?”
Shrugging, you noticed him reach over your lap to grab the second bows parts. “Somewhat. I was in an old shooting range for not too long. No guns let, obviously, but the inside shop still had a couple kinds of bows laying around. One of the guys in our group tried teaching me to use the crossbow, but it didn’t really work for me.”
Starting to slid the string into place you noticed Joel was much faster at putting it together then you had been. “Their reload time’s the problem. If you’re just out hunting that’s one thing, but not exactly my first choice for close quarters.”
Watching him work, it always pinged inside of you how easily Joel put together things. How seamlessly he would work like he didn’t even need to think about it. His hands large against the thin handle didn’t help the matter. “You think your aim’s still on par?”
Diverting your eyes up to his face, once again you felt that distracting pull. His handsome features trained on you with a warmth that if you let yourself, could envelop you completely. “Probably a bit better. Didn’t really use guns back then and we didn’t stay there long. So I’m either pretty good,”
“Or pretty shit.” A smirk falling on both of your faces as you rolled your eyes to the side, pulling the bag over to you to pull our the arrow bundles. Joel relieving you of the one on your lap, he held them up side by side, and looked back over to you with an inquisitive expression. By the time you looked back over, he was holding out the one he had put together. “That one feels a couple pounds lighter, it’ll be a better fit.”
Jumping down suddenly, Joel found himself watching your side carefully. He knew at this point it was mostly healed over, the bloody torn open skin at the least. Enough time had passed, but Joel also had yet to see what remained. For the past two weeks Joel hadn’t seen you wear anything besides long sleeves more then once maybe.
If he took if off you, it was only allowed in the dark. Otherwise, no one but you were allowed to look at it. He was starting to understand why you seared the one on your arm. A burn mark was easier to look at then what lay hidden underneath. It was easier for you to never have to see it.
Now though? There was no chance in hell he was going to do the same to your side. He refused to harm you at all, let alone that badly. He also just couldn’t handle your reaction. Something like that would have you screaming in agony, and there was no part of Joel’s heart that would be able to handle that.
Waving you to the side, he grabbed the longer bundle and had you follow him more out back. No one around but a few empty crates just strewn over the ground. Putting a hand out to stop you in your tracks, Joel walked over to a low hanging tree branch and hung one of the small lighter crates over the thick bark.
Turning to you, it struck you as a challenge. His eyes glinting in question, and hiding his smile as he walked back when you started pulling off the tie keeping the arrows together. “Easy enough.”
Gently placing the bow in his hands down, he walked up to your side head close to yours. “You remember your form?” Was he rumbling deep near your ear on purpose or was it just a demanding yearning in your heart that particular day? “Show me.”
Turning to the side, Joel watched silently as you loaded up and aimed. A shaky breathe leaving your lips, and letting your hold go. Sure enough, you felt your shoulders sag as it just barley missed that tree entirely. He didn’t say anything, but you felt the embarrassment regardless. “Just a warm up is all.”
Joel let you get as far as loading the arrow before starling you with hands on your waist. “Feet turned all the way to the side, just like that.” Guiding you to face almost entirely to the right with only your upper body twisted to look.
His hands had you buzzing under all those layers. You swallowed down that feeling, but only made you aware of the beating in your heart. His hands never left you, just stepping in closer so his chest hovered close to your back. “Thumb away from the front.”
It took you a moment to even hear what he said, so Joel showed for you. Grasping your fingers and pulling them into position away from the open air. “Right, uhm, yeah.” That was well spoken wasn’t it?
Trailing along your arm Joel once again held both sides of your waist as you let another breathe out before trying again. This time it hit the tree, but too low and off to the side. Your jaw clenched, trying to hold back a growing upset. Two misses in a row, now you were just feeling embarrassed and stupid in front of Joel’s watchful gaze.
This time the warm rumbling was right in your ear, Joel’s hands sliding down to hold tighter at your hips as he pressed his back into you. Feeling your body mould into his front without any thought, stammered silently trying to come up with an excuse. Joel however took a much more comforting approach. “Shhh, relax sweetheart. There are no stakes here, take your time it’s just me.”
Looking down to the snow below your feet, you could see Joel’s own all but beside yours as if to keep you locked in place against him. Pulling back, Joel’s hands moved up to straighten your arm out. “It’s not a gun, remember? Arms straight, not locked.”
Once again keeping his touch burning you as they slid back down to your hips. Your heart was beating harder, but you also felt Joel’s chest rising and falling in tandem with your own breathing. Maybe if it weren’t for the jacket, you could feel Joel’s doing the same.
Taking your time to aim it up right, you felt his grip on your hips tighten before he muttered to you once more time. “C’mon baby.”
Your heart jumping in your chest, you let go of the arrow on instinct, watching it slam into the crate with a crack as it jostled it somewhat in place. Joel pulled you into his chest close this time, purposely leaning into your neck to press a kiss there. You should feel elated, but you just shivered at his lips.
“That’s my girl.” You tried to smother the little smile on your face but of course he saw it. You didn’t see his face full of pride, and his eyes trained entirely on you instead of accomplished target.
“Impressed?”
To you, it was just a joke. Not meaning much other then a tease of your lack of skill, but Joel always kept you on your toes. “With you? Always.”
Hands sliding off of your body, one of them trailed along your lower back causing your eyes to flutter for just a second. His gentle touch still took getting used to. Watching him reach up with no effort to pull it down, he looked over to you as you yelled playfully. “How about you show me how it’s done this time, Miller?”
Bringing out a tiny competitive streak in you was an aspect he had grown to love. Never in anything of value, but always competing with Joel for the smallest things. His eyes always eventually sliding over to something darker the further in you got.
This time though, there was none. He just hit his target on each pull, leaving your mouth slightly parted and eyes bright with awe. His own form faced where you stood near a back wall. Brown eyes sharp, with his features turning harsh as he slipped into his focus.
It wasn’t lost on Joel when he faced you again, the look you were giving him. A warmth flowing through your veins at how effortlessly skilled he was, continued to be at so many things at that. His mouth in what could be mistaken for a frown, you knew really held a concealed need.
His body hovered over you, reaching around you to put his bow down as his fingers danced across your body as he pulled it back. Using them to nudge your chin up to look him in the eye, you felt your limbs itching at the need to explore over him. Your name mumbled from his lips he leaned in close, breathe hitting your cheek. “Do I get a consolation price, or do you want me to just pick it out for myself?”
A laugh left you at how quickly he turned from a desire to grumpy. Your hands reached out to the top of his waistline, tapping across the belt buckle that you could feel under your fingertips caused his stomach to twitch at how close you moved your touch already. But then someone from around the front called your name. And Joel’s face fell to annoyance.
Smiling genuinely at him, you reached up instead to lightly trace your thumb over his facial hair. The coarseness always scratching at your palm, riling your own insides up. “How about you think on it and let me know?”
Pulling your chin close, Joel pressed a kiss to your lips. A surprising passion behind the force of his lips, his tongue just barley teasing you before he pressed a smaller chasate one to you. “You should get on back. I’ll handle all this.”
Your brows furrowed, your brain stirring at him cleaning up something that you made. “I can do it, it’s fine.”
Ever the stubborn man, he just kissed your forehead before nudging you away from him to make you head out. “Go.” His voice deep and stern, you nodded before turning away and made your way back around to the platform.
Telling yourself the whole time that you’ll get used to it. That the nerves flooding your bloodstream when he was that close, with his hands so greedily on your body would slow down eventually.
You weren’t the only one though, grappling with the very same problem. Joel was still accepting being given a chance for a life he never imagined he’d come close to having, or even wanting ever again. It forced him to stand back and reacquaint himself with emotions he’d assumed were long past what he’d get in this life. Feeling like a father again was a fight with his own trauma, but on the other side? Having you was just as much as an anomaly to him as he was to you.
He genuinely couldn’t tell anyone the last time he had something anywhere near this. Even his realization of how he felt about you hit Joel with an intense force. Shutting himself off from that kind of feeling a long time ago. Giving up that care for closeness or intimacy just as he assumed he would never be a whole person again. So in a way, he was very much like you. Used to being alone.
Joel knew however how different your approach to it was. You had always been out there. Traversing land that to everyone else, was a risking mission to navigate. But it was the only way you’ve known since it begun. He’s not even sure you’ve ever seen inside any zone. Preferring not to rely on strict and rigid dependency on one of those cities. But it also left you on the outside of so many people, most of the people Joel knew now.
It was like a need that neither of you realized was missing. A person to lean on. Someone to understand the turmoil in your head and fit perfectly in the dark void of your heart that needed that support. Even if it took Joel this long to see it. To see that he wanted someone like that, well, not anyone if he was being honest.
You stuck out to him from the start. That day he sat you sitting at a counter with a fierce gaze bracing yourself for whatever rough demeanor he walked in on may bring down on you. A burning thought in his mind that trailed back to you the longer he was around you until it led to now. Standing under the warm stream of water listening through the walls to your voice moving about the house, knowing your feet will eventually take you to here.
His hands smoothing over his hair to let the water rush over his face. You didn’t bother calling out to him as you walked into the bedroom. The thin walls enough to let you hear one another, but Joel’s hands itched to have you in his reach. Debating on calling you to him first. It had been years since he even wanted a woman in his arms, but now it was as if his agitation only grew when you weren’t exactly there.
Your fingers tapped at the dresser, gaze locked on the light peeking through the bottom of the door with warm steam flowing out and enticing you in from the cold outside. You could just shut the door, or even walk away from this side of the house completely but your skin also begged you to at least rinse your face with a splash.
It was foolish to assume maybe you could sneak in and out without Joels warm cadence pulling at your heart to join him. Creaking the door open quiet as possible, you stepped quietly in and shut it just as slow. It took about ten seconds to realize how stupid your assumption was.
“We gotta work on how to be sneaky on top of your aim now?” Eyes closing, you braced your palms flat on the sink edges. Biting the inside of your cheek you wanted to resist getting caught in the trap.
Grabbing a small cloth, you let the smallest bit of water run over part of it to not skyrocket the temperature for him. “You making fun of me for it now? I knew you were just showing off earlier.” He chuckled as you ran the rough fabric over your face, at least giving you some reprieve. “Pretty of you, Miller.”
“Alright, I’ll give you that.” About to run the cloth over your cheek, your hands paused mid movement at what was inevitable. “How about you join me then? Let me make it up to you?”
You suspect he heard the slight thud of your hand dropping down onto the sink, cloth laying partially in it was you avoided the shower curtain beside you and the mirror just above you. The soft inner workings of your heart warmed at just feeling him against you, but the other reckoned you weren’t going to convince him to do it in the dark.
The lack of response went on too long, causing you to startle a tad at the sound of the curtain being pulled back just slightly. Handsome features beautifully on display as his hair was slicked back, flat against his head as opposed to the curling volume that always seemed to be perfect. Just the top of his chest was exposed as well, broad shoulder down to his strong, sculpted arm keeping the rest of him mostly covered with the curtain.
You couldn’t help but smile, shaking your head as you looked back down. “Not much in the way of time.” Just as he opened his mouth, you turned your head back with a playful smirk and a finger pointing in his direction. “You and I both know you’re not going to just make it quick.”
Sharing a quiet laugh together, he beamed at you with gentle eyes. Not just one with a want, but one that radiated more of a need. A softness that you knew both of you were itching deep in your bones to share. Looking at nothing around the room, you gracefully came up with a fair excuse to deny him.
“I just- uhm...” That should do it. No more of a convincing argument that having none at all.
Your arms had crossed around your stomach, shifting eyes sliding back to him as your name fell from his mouth. “Just for a little bit. Long enough at least to take care of you, just in here.” Joel was never pushy, but he wasn’t just thinking of taking care of you. You knew the brightness in his eyes were silently asking for you to let him just hold you.
Fidgeting on the spot, you glanced down to where your arms covered your lower torso protectively, once again biting the inside of your cheek painfully as you exhaled shakily. “Hey,” Joel calling for you to look up once more, his brows a but more furrowed then before as his face sat more serious. “I’m not trying to beg here. Just because I’m asking doesn’t mean I’m going to force you even when you’re uncomfortable.”
Teeth changing places to bit your lip harshly, before shaking your head. “No, I know. Just...” Once again glancing down to your torso you muttered, “Give me a minute, okay?”
A deep hum vibrated in his chest, “Take your time, sweetheart.”
Shower curtain closing, leaving you back in privacy. Taking everything else off was no thought. Folding everything into a neat pile off to the side, before it was just your shirt and underwear left. You caught your gaze in the mirror and turned cowardly. Flipping around you pulled off your bra from under the fabric, and sliding down your bottoms to join the rest.
Colours flashed through your eyes as they squeezed shut, your throat forcing something choked up back down to the pit of your stomach. The blank wall in front of you did nothing to ease the anxiety, but you did it anyway. The shirt not even being given the care to add onto the stack. It landed in a light flop somewhere unknown as you swiveled to look at the curtain.
From what you could tell, Joel stood near the shower head, so your slow pace aimed to the back where he had poked his head out. If you thought more about it you’d risk talking yourself out of it. So you gently pressed on, pulling the curtain back and stepping in.
The sprays of water and steam were warmer then before, Joel no doubt turning up the temperature to what you preferred as he called ‘scolding’.
Joel’s back was large and broad, sprinkles of water dripping down it as he kept his face turned from looking at you. Giving you the space to come to him. While your sigh was masked by the overpowering water, the colder touch of your hands smoothing over his back had Joel’s eyes flutter shut as his jaw clenched to keep from sighing out at the feeling.
You needed a chance to feel comfortable around him like this, and the feeling of your gentle touch on his rougher skin tugging at his heart would only make you feel rushed to get a move on. So he stood, hands spinning the bar of soap in them instead.
When you were a child, you had a blanket that was heavy and fuzzy. A soft weighted blanket that helped your troubled little brain to get to sleep easier. It’s feeling on your hands when you curled it into your front always brought you comfort. Tracing your fingers over Joel’s back felt just like that.
He was the thing now that quieted that noise. And it wasn’t lost on you, that you were the same for him. Running down his sides, you hovered as they reached his waist. Taking a step forward, you rested the side of your head into his shoulder blade and pressed closer to him.
Joel took the reigns from there. Grabbing your hands and pulling them around his middle, keeping his fingers as much with yours as he could, while he leaned his own head back. You rising your forehead up just enough to rest against each other.
You’re heart beating enough for him to feel, but his warmth against your front lulling you a quieter state. Losing yourself in how he feels. A few minutes had passed before you unwrapped your hands, grasping the soap from him and pulling it back to you.
Joel’s head started to turn, but you grabbed at his waist as a warning. He kept his head slightly turned to the side, but not enough to peek at you. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you.”
Lathering up the soap in so it foamed all over your hands, you smiled at what clearly was the sound of a pout in his tone. Resting the soap on an edge, you stood on your toes to reach his ear. “And whose taking care of you, Joel?” Not waiting for an answer, you pressed a kiss just below it and finally started to slide your hands over him.
Every now and then you pulled back just enough to gather more soap, but you gently washed at his skin almost in a massage. Joel’s shoulders sagging as his arms braced themselves against the tiles. You leaned your chin over his shoulder, pressing another kiss to the untouched part of his jaw you could reach before gently pulling one arm closer to his front at a time.
Joel’s eyes never looking away from your hands carefully moving over him, almost grasping his fingers just like before as you scrubbed them too. If you both didn’t feel so lost in the melancholy washing away to a serene quiet, one or both of you would have let a tease slip from the smirk on your faces as you knelt down close behind him.
Neither of you though had that kind of energy in their veins at the moment. Joel keeping steady breaths as his eyes stayed shut, trying not to let whatever emotions bubbling up in his chest overwhelm him, where you were focused on letting the only touch he felt to be with gentle care. You could reach the front of his legs from here, treating the muscles from calf to thigh with the same massaging rub as you liked to do with his back.
But you couldn’t reach his chest, and both of you knew that. The only way to do that for Joel was for him to face you. So once again, you hovered at his waist. “You don’t have to-”
Instead, you kissed his jaw once more. Pressing your front against his back once more, “Turn around for me. Please.”
You didn’t look at his face. Not yet ready to see where his eye line was looking at. Instead you focused on the task at hand. His chest broad and strong, but a softness as it goes along all the way down to his hips. You stared at his chest for a while, not even noticing the soft smile on your lips as you just traced your palms back up closer to his collarbones.
Joel ran his hands over your hips, voice low in your ear. “You going to let me do what I called you in here, or what?” You nodded, not looking at him still but he pulled your chin up with his fingers, pressing a short kiss to you. “I’m gonna need the soap to do that, sweetheart.”
He chuckled as you rolled your eyes, smacking the bar playfully into his open hand. Turning you by your shoulders. “Turn around for me.”
This time you had enough haze leave your head to let it slip this time. “What? No bend over to follow that up with?”
Joel pinched your hip, muttering “Smartass,” into your ear. His own back kept the heavy stream out of your own face. Where he needed the hot water rushing over his face to drown out the loud yelling inside his head surrounding his heart with this intense feeling he didn’t want to scare you with. You needed to stay calm and open, just letting the steam clear your lungs to keep your breathing steady.
His touch wasn’t as massaging, but thorough. Spending as much time as he could to run his hands over you as he washed you over. Joel’s hands though, were a bit more greedy. Taking the chance to grasp at your ass, a handful tight in each hand before rubbing around to your hips.
Not turning you just yet, you felt him gather more soup and stepping so your back was pressed right up against his chest now. Both lathered up hands moving from yous shoulders to cupping your neck, pulling your head back onto his shoulder with it so he could kiss you.
This time his lips matched his hands, greedy and teasing your mouth with his tongue while he gave the same treatment to your breasts as he did your ass. He smirked almost mischievously into your lips as he did so.
His did though, stop his path just above where he knew made your heart pound. Your eyes straight forward now as you barley let any air move through you. Whatever your arm looked like when you had done it, your side looked worse.
Jagged marks that you knew were once teeth had left scarring rips in the skin, and the ripples around it once cracked and bloody now sat flat but stark against your skin. The one on your arm didn’t bruise, but this had. Deep purples that had you sick to your stomach now shaded in yellows and greens as the stitches healed the wound shut for good. It still made you sick.
But Joel, smooth his hand over it, first running back and forth before stopping, only letting his thumb do the smoothing over as your breathe hitched. His taller frame loomed over you enough to see the instant build up what could turn into tears at his touch. A large hand pulled you by the side of your head into him, pressing a kiss to your hair. Keeping you right there until he felt your body twirl its tense rigidness.
Crouching down, he prompted you to turn to face him now. Removing his hand only to race his nose along the scars kissing whatever looked like it had been the most aggressively painful. You felt almost lightheaded, a choke rising in your chest. Giving you a kindness that you never thought would come to you for something that left you with nothing but pain and anger. Something no one had ever treated like it was just another part of your skin he wanted to adore.
Your heart slowed, Joel pressing his forehead into the scar. Not even realizing, your hand naturally gravitated down, raking through his wet hair until you found a place to keep a gentle hold on. Nudging at it with his nose once more time, Joel looked up at you with his brown eyes shining.
Your chest flamed and roared with turmoil, did you recognize this intensity in your heart? Was it a word that you were ready to share with the only person in your life who’d ever been told it by you, or was it all just too much in one time? Making your heart lurch in so many emotions.
Either way you held a hand out to him. His large one encasing your smaller hand in his, the other braced on the scar without moving. Wrapping your arms around his neck only again threading your fingers through his hair, now soaking once again with water. “Thank you.”
Little space was left between your bodies, leaving little room for Joel to find your eyes. “For what, sweet girl?”
But you just smiled, shaking your head. “Just, for you.”
It would be later on in the evening that Joel was inevitably called out. Food still on the table, you had stepped out onto the porch to go over a few things with Tommy who’d stopped by earlier. And who Joel had unceremoniously kicked out after having his own plate raided by his brother of all people.
The front door was still open, but kept just enough for a small cool breeze inside, your voice muffled with Tommy’s when Joel casually looked over at Ellie. His own face fell flat at the pointed stare she was giving him. “Are you ever going to tell her, or do you want me to just do it for you?”
Raising his eyebrows, he leaned his elbows onto the table with a squinting challenge on his face. “And what’s that exactly?”
A childish grin grew on her face as he regretted goading her in the first place. “That you love her? That you’re deeply, madly, head over heels in love-” Her mock interrupted by a little yelp of protest as Joel pushed the side of her face away with a nudge of his palm.
“Yeah, yeah got it. I regret asking.” Ellie wasn’t wrong, not in anyway was she wrong about that. But neither you or him were simple people. Your heads and lives filled with complexities not always easy to speak out loud. “It’s not...time.”
Looking back at her, she huffed. Pushing food around on her plate to distract herself from the fact that she wasn’t going to keep eating until you got back. “Is it ever going to be time?” Her face wasn’t as playful as before. That yearning to all be together wasn’t carved deep into Joel’s soul alone.
Joel pulled her as much as he could from their seats into his side. Pressing a kiss to the side of her head, the same heavy weight in his chest as the one in her. “When she’s ready.”
The two of the had more to say, but Ellie scrambled to look as casual as possible when the shut of the front door echoed. Knowing nothing about what they talked about, you stopped in the middle of the door frame eyes narrowing at how guilty she looked.
Joel smiled though, shaking his head to dismiss it as nothing more then goofing around. If he kept going at this rate, you’re relationships going to come full circle. Tommy or Maria spilling the beans to you for just how in love with you he was. If he wasn’t so determined to go at your own pace, he may have just given up and let them.
Night fall blanketed fast over the sky, and the rest of the sailed by in peace. A feeling that tomorrow would be laughing at all too soon.
You had agreed to join Joel and Tommy in the early hours the next morning. A stark chill in the air still cold enough to see your breath in, and a crispness that could sting if you were out in it too long. You were on your own, checking out some other areas while the two of them looked over the existing areas of interest.
It was the footprints that caught your eye. Footprints in a secluded area that you know any of the people here didn’t hang around in. It looked like multiple at first but as you knelt down it was clearly one set that had been in this area for a while. No tracks led up to it, so they must have arrived either in the dead of night or just before dawn when the fresh snow fell down.
All of them faced in the direction of town, all of them looking in the general vicinity of visible houses that you knew included Joel and Ellie’s. Your hand that had been keeping the gun strap your arm steady tightened. Your eyes scanning around you as you slowly stood up.
Luckily for you, not enough snow had fallen yet to hide the prints so obviously trying to look conspicuous. Head towards where you knew Joel and Tommy had been in when you separated from them. If they were hiding out here, chances were they were sneaking on the outskirts for as long as possible.
Can’t hide from someone who used to do the same thing. You traveled alone for a long time, something that required you to be watchful and stealthy. Following the weasel to their current position wouldn’t take too much effort in this weather. It was what you’d find that was the unknown.
It was the same building that you first sat in where Joel and Tommy stopped by. The heater worked best in there, and they typically went over things inside there before the day filled up with people. “I’m gonna heat it up before you forget too.” Lucky for Joel, Ellie was more insistent about staying warm then he was.
By the time he and Tommy arrived, Ellie was already toasty and sitting along a counter waiting to be let in on their talks. She didn’t do much for now, but Joel preferred to have her with them and listen or watch. Let her watch and she’ll give a hand when she’s ready.
Ellie looked behind them as they walked in with a furrow in her brow, asking your name.
Shrugging off his own weapons he laid them on the counter space beside her. “Went to go look for anything that might have shown up overnight. I’ll go look for her if she doesn’t show up soon.” He walked over to where Tommy laid out some simple blueprints for the outer security, palm resting flat on the table with the other on his hip as they made scribbles on the already marked up paper.
Ellie narrowed her eyes at the rifles next to her and hopped down. Grabbing both she occupied herself with hanging them by their straps onto a safe part of the wall close to the back room hall. What she didn’t notice, was the click of a window lock at the end of the clearly empty hallway.
Nothing was over there and she didn’t think anything else. Just walked back to the main room, arms crossed to hide her hands deeper into her sweater and leaned against the wall reading the spread out work on the table diligently.
Part of Joel had to tell himself to focus more. Despite the sun barley peeking up when he woke up, it was still too late in the morning to do anything about how addictive it felt to wake up inside you. He really didn’t mean to fall asleep the entire night like that, but there was something that pinged deep in his heart to have you that close to him at both of your most venerable.
You both had to get up and head out though, only enough time to tease you when he pulled his half hard cock from your somehow still wet pussy and leaving a few bites at your neck to pull a gasp of his name out of you before separating entirely to get dressed. He teased himself though, because now all he wanted was to find a time during the day to pull you home and throw you onto the bed like he really wanted too.
He just wasn’t as focused as he should have been. Tommy was doing most of the talking, better at forming a plan in his head when he voiced it to his brother and so him noticing was less then likely.
No one was even faced the right direction to see the down the hallway. It was closer to the front door then the table they stood around, so no one saw the gentle slide of the same window that clicked unlocked earlier. A single gloved hand raising it up as slow as possible to keep the sound down and moving just as slow as the figure raised up to bent over it.
First one leg went though to straddle the frame, hovering over the floor to make sure the sound of their shoe stepping down wasn’t heard. Just as slow they ducked their head and torso inside and climbed in, not bothering to stay low as their final leg joined in.
Their body only turned to the side enough to reach the window, and slid it down shut even more at a snails pace then to open it. Their head never turned to look at what their hands were doing. They were watching and no chance were those eyes going to go anywhere but the target.
Joel was tied between the talks he and Tommy were discussing, and wondering how long it’d take for you to get there. Having you move in might have been a bad idea, because now Joel had the biggest excuse to be weak. Something deep in his mind wanted to just be selfish and drag you back to your bed together and keep you there because now it didn’t matter how long you he kept you there.
His fingers scratched at the wood on the table as his eyes looked over the paper mapping out what path he’d walk to try and catch up to you. You were quiet and inquisitive, if something caught your eye you had a tendency to let it occupy your focus and forget to update anyone. It was cold this morning, and it was early and part of Joel was just feeling greedy to keep you with him today.
No one noticed. The front of the door was lined with a map and a strip of carpet that followed the length of the counter before tapering off into the wooden floors of the main room. Any movement was quiet if the person didn’t move so quickly or suddenly.
Facing away, the backs of Joel and Tommy were the only main vision in sight of the figure, but crouched onto the ground to keep from being clear and in sight put Ellie somewhat in their eye line. She was smaller though, astute eyes currently trained on the two men she looked up too. Without knowing anything about her, it could be assumed she was too weak or cowardly to even do anything if she looked this way.
Joel only just so happened to glance up, asking Ellie a question. “We’ll head over there later and I can show you how to set that up, okay?” His voice was soft and genuine, but his eyebrows raised along with a darkening of his eyes at her sudden distracted face.
Ellie was good at paying attention and her current distraction was wide eyed. Bordered on a shocked surprise and not in a good way. It was a way that had Joel’s heart lurch in his chest, and Tommy seemed to see and feel it at the same time.
Joel and Tommy didn’t turn around right away, it felt like as they did it was in slow motion. It wasn’t even the split second they saw Ellie’s expression that caused it, it was the echo in the empty room that clicked loudly. Distinctly.
Ellie’s hand shot out and grasped the fabric of Joel’s arm like a crutch as both men turned to the noise behind them. But it wasn’t the approaching footsteps finally reaching the wooden floor that was what they heard.
The three of them looked to the front of the room at the unmistakable sound of a cocking shotgun, one set ready to fire at any time. Whipping around though, the figure on the ground didn’t do it. The figure on the ground wasn’t even a face they knew.
A man stooped crouched onto the ground, with both hands just barley risen into the air in defense, never having a chance to grab at whatever he had stored in his pockets. Behind the unknown man was the source of the loading shotgun.
Not a foot behind him, you stood with the weapon steady in your arms aimed at the back of the figure’s head. Your eyes steeled in an unblinking harshness Joel had rarely seen on you.
The man didn’t dare move, but in a tone just above a whisper, threw out a plea.
“I’m just here to talk..”
If you and Joel had one thing that refused to get in the way of how you felt about each other? It was that no matter what was about to happen you and Joel knew that whatever the consequences would be? You and him were in it together no matter what. The deep yearning in Joel’s heart to tell you the true extend of the love he could barley keep hidden from you anymore would have to wait, or at least find a way to show you despite whatever was about to come of this.
You didn’t blink, nor did your readiness to fire change. The man’s eyes widened in what looked like fear as he heard your voice cut through sharply into the silence. No joke or lightness in your voice, and the familiarity of it had the already caught the man in a trap of what he had walked in on. His face showing to all three of them that he was doused in the freezing water of shock and fear, at the realization who was at the other end of the shotgun.
You only had one response for the unknown man.
“Is talking really all you’re here for, Owen?”