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After-parties. There were few things Len hated more. They existed on a scale of intolerableness, starting with a mild “I’d rather be asleep right now”; escalating to the more pressing severity of “I’d rather be cleaning sewers right now”; up to an extreme “I’d rather die than be here right now”. Len wasn’t even a mildly depressive type, but these parties pushed him to limits he didn’t know could be reached.
Tonight’s post-event event was somewhere on the upper middle bound of that scale. Not quite to the point where he’d be willing to throw himself out the closest window, but he could list an infinite number of things he’d be happier doing than attending this party. It was the end of the summer tour season; and Crypton Mirai had just finished its last performance in Tokyo. The long rest was well welcomed, but Len had been dreading it for the simple reason of: he so desperately didn’t want to attend this after-party.
End of season events were gruelling. The concert wrapped at 9pm; packing up and getting back to the hotel moved time in the blink of an eye to 10pm; and by then they had but half an hour to get dressed and ready for the party. Rin took up the bathroom immediately, likely not to reveal herself until the twenty-ninth minute.
As it had been a “finale” event, they had worn their signature outfits, which were incredibly uncomfortable. The fabric was a little plasticky, and the pellerin threatened to come away from its loose binding to the tie with every jump and flip. The “sleeves” - if they could be called that - were a problem in their own right. The elastic was loose on the arms, and infinitely tight on the legs. Len had the arms and legs of a girl, as Kaito had so kindly pointed out on multiple occasions, and it seemed the outfit had been tailored toward someone possessing more “masculine” features and measurements. To say it was a relief to free himself from the Amazon cosplay-like get-up would have been the understatement of the century.
The binder had to come off too. Just for a moment. He couldn’t go through the rest of the night without a break. Tugging it off over his head, as always snagging his nose and ears on the tight-fit garment at points, Len breathed a full chest of air at last. Only for a little while though. Tomorrow he’d be home and he could have all the unrestricted binder-free time he could ask for. He laid down flat on his back on the bed, taking in great big breaths and watching in a weird joy as his chest shuddered over each intake. Ten minutes only, spread out on the bed in just his boxers, watching himself breathe.
Rin wouldn’t be forfeiting that bathroom for anything: there was an almost sub-zero risk of her exiting and seeing Len - almost - in his (Re:)Birthday suit. He switched on the TV and half-watched, trying to ignore the dread of the inevitable party approaching. He eyed the clock closely, not letting the time go too fast. He needed to savour this peace and quiet before he became trapped in the dance hall downstairs. Without mercy, though, the time passed and Len started to get himself dressed.
After-parties bored him for another reason, too. Miku, Luka, Meiko, and Rin had a pretty free dress code. Being men, Len and Kaito were restricted to a simple tux. Len’s own tuxedo consisted of a white shirt with black buttons; a pair of black dress trousers and black dress shoes over plain white socks; a shiny, gold bowtie; a black blazer and a neatly folded, yellow handkerchief in the breast pocket. Kaito would look similar, he imagined, though likely to bear a boutonniere on the lapel of his jacket. The six were expected to wear an outfit based on their “staple” accent colour, making them easily identifiable in the large groups of people– as though their boldly coloured hair didn’t make them stick out like sore thumbs by default.
With the final ten minutes to spare, Len was ready and sat on the bed staring at the floor. The blazer sat beside him, not yet worn. It would be far too hot for the late August evening as it was, and Len thought it would be sensible not to put it on until they were ready to go, to save himself from overheating for just a little bit. Rin was finished in the bathroom at last. Showered, hair dry and neatly styled with a sparkly, black bow wedged in place by a headband. Len finally took to the bathroom, relieving his bladder at once and styling his hair into a messy tousle with a little gel. He was sure he looked sexy to some degree. Maybe like he was fresh from a swim in the sea? Or perhaps like he’d just finished up an extended dive in the bedsheets? The exact intention unclear, but an intention certainly there, he gave himself a nod and a wink in the mirror and returned to the main part of their room.
Rin was dressed in a strapless yellow dress that transitioned to white tulle; a black belt with floral and lace accents; and a black clutch. She insisted on taking photos of the two before leaving, of course. On their walk down to the foyer, the photos went live to her social media. Luka, punctual as ever, was already in the entranceway, clapping her hands in excitement to see the twins in their formalwear. A large, white hat covered half of her face, but the thrill was evident in her rosy cheeks and big grin.
Meiko, Kaito, and Miku came down together. Miku showed herself in a simple teal dress beneath a black puff-sleeved cardigan, her hair in an elegant bun and wrapped in a black bow similar to Rin’s. Kaito had dressed as expected, in a tux almost identical to Len’s, though the bowtie and handkerchief were blue rather than yellow. Meiko wore a similar tux, except her jacket tapered at the waist to give her a dramatic silhouette. Her hair was neat and simple, topped by a burgundy fascinator. Three in dresses, and three in tuxedos.
They all chattered while waiting to be ushered in, but Len hung back slightly behind Rin to prepare himself. He got out all the unsightly, fed up, miserable expressions now, before photos and before greetings had to be made. The door opened and, with Miku leading, they entered the hall.
Hungry. Hungry, hungry, hungry. Desperately freaking hungry. Len’s eyes went straight to the dining table at the far end of the room. The allowed press took their photos; they all passed greetings and pleasantries with agents, producers, and the like; and the night began. It was now 11pm, and the exhaustion was making Len a little giddy. Led to the seafood tray more by his heart than his legs, Len started his feast. Kaito accompanied him, shovelling high piles of finger-foods onto his plate and taking no pause between sitting down and tucking in. They sat together, however Len was absent from the conversation Kaito was having with a guest. Instead he scanned the room for fun. He thought, if he had to trudge through this night, he might as well try to make it a little less miserable.
His tired eyes flickered to one guest stood by the stage. Not quite a stranger, though Len hadn’t spoken to him before, or even had a passing interaction outside of social media. The lack of the “cracked doll” makeup he used for his performances made his face less notable than it usually was, but his bright red hair would identify him anywhere. Fukase, an idol who’d gained popularity in his teen years as a niconico personality on the channel “ Sekai Fantasy ”. He was more of an entertainer than a singer, but still had enough ties with Miku to be a highly honoured guest at her events.
He was probably the only man in the room wearing a dress. The dress was a cream off-white, bearing a small red bow at the center of the neckline. Over the dress, he wore a red cardigan with standard, full-length sleeves. A little black top-hat sat atop his head. Len couldn’t make out the shoes he had on, only that he was wearing a pair of tights beneath the dress.
After finishing his food and washing it down with a not-so age appropriate drink, Len started to wade through the sea of people to the target. Len would make an attempt to use his flirting skills here, and try to make his first impression less “little brother”-ly, and more “your son calls me daddy, too”. He pushed his hair back and let it fall around his face, resetting the style to its former bad-boy messiness. Fukase had noticed Len’s approach and was now waiting patiently, a welcoming smile on his face. At last he was through the crowd, and assumed his position before Fukase, leant against the stage. Shit, he was far taller than he expected. At a mere 5’1, Len was a half-pint boy, and while 5’7 didn’t exactly make Fukase a skyscraper, the height difference was noticeable. From this alone, Len’s confidence was starting to leech from his body.
“Hey, you’re Fukase, right?” He decided to take an easy-going approach, showing no desperation or specific desire to make a good impression. Fukase nodded and took a sip from his glass,
“That’s right… It’s so nice to meet you in person, Kagamine- kun .” Forward. Very forward. Meiko, even with her tendency to call everyone even a day younger than her “kun” or “chan”, wouldn’t be so quick to use over-friendly phrasing like that. …Especially not at this kind of event. Shaken from total confidence but not deterred yet, Len gave another slight smile,
“It’s good to meet you too! Ahh, I’m so exhausted. I just wanna go to bed, you know?” He grieved, stretching his arms up above his head. Fukase lifted his wrist to check his watch.
“Hah, it is late for you isn’t it? You look so sleepy, it’s very cute!” What? What did he mean by that? Len blinked a few times, then gave a forced laugh.
“Eeh, what do you mean? I just mean- this tour’s been kicking my butt, I can’t wait to catch up on sleeping!”
“I mean, well, how old are you again?” Fukase pressed on, showing Len an amused, slightly teasing expression as he leaned over him.
“Eighteen, I’m not a little kid!” He could feel himself getting flustered now. His entire suave persona had gone down the drain with great speed.
“Oh, you’re still little… I guess that’s right. I was, I think, just about your age when you and Rin-chan were starting out with Miku-chan. You just still look so cute, and so small, it feels like no time passed at all!"
Len needed to advance the conversation somewhere that wasn’t just Fukase equating him to a shrimp or a baby elephant. This entire interaction was a mistake. He should have just stuck to Rin and Miku like he did at every previous event. Mid-thought after finally overcoming the taunting, Fukase spoke again,
“If you’re so tired, why don’t you go to your hotel room? I’m sure nobody’s forcing you to stay!”
“A-Ah,” Len was startled. Jeez, he talks a lot . “I wanted the shrimp… And I can’t sleep on a full belly anyway, so… It’d be dumb to try.”
“Eheh, okay sure. So,” He leaned over Len again, grinning again. He looked… Plain, without his makeup on. And older. The only out-of-makeup photos he’d seen of Fukase were almost a decade old, so it only made sense that he’d aged some in that time.
“Just passing time? I didn’t take you to be a socialite. Your songs are so, eheh… ‘Pick me’, and cynical recently… But you’re here acting if you like being this friendly!” God, where did this psychoanalytical deep-dive come from all of a sudden? Len couldn’t stop his mouth from falling agape, making his offence and confusion known despite catching himself fairly quickly.
“Sorry,” Fukase corrected himself with an awkward laugh. “I like to talk, if you haven’t noticed. People don’t usually talk to me for this long, I get pretty annoying, pretty quickly.”
I’ll say.
Still, Len pushed forward,
“I don’t think you’re annoying. I wanna know more about you, and hear less questions about me..?” He chanced.
“Oh, I mean – Sure. What did you wanna know?”
At last the conversation rolled on, and the awkwardness slowly dissipated. They even laughed with one another, and after a few drinks each they were talking as though they’d known each other for years.
Neither of them were drunk. A little tipsy, but ”drunk” would be a massive overstatement. They were both in a sort of agreeable state where one would do pretty much anything - within some level of reason - the other suggested. Len knew this, and it was likely the only factor that could save him from total failure in seducing a playmate. Influencing the path of their conversation only slightly, Len could feel the tension begin to rise, getting hot under the collar at the more intimate remarks at his body. Words like “little,” and “cute,” turned to quietly spoken “handsome,” ’s and “pretty” ’s, and somewhat snide remarks became teasing pushes for them to go further with their play.
Len placed a hand on Fukase’s shoulder, urging him to stoop to meet his eye-level. He offered a whispered proposal,
“How about coming with me… To my hotel room..?” There was a brief moment of silence between the two, though the pause made the room no quieter with the buzz of chatter and the hum of music. Fukase flashed a very slight smile and nod, agreeing wordlessly to the request, allowing the two to slip away without being noticed much at all.
Leaving through a back entrance, they slunk through the hotel, unnoticed by staff, and retired to Rin and Len’s room. Len switched on the light and moved with haste to the bed, already dying to undress and get to the entertainment. Few words were exchanged. A common goal was shared here and now, and words weren’t needed to convey that. Fukase shed his clothes in a pile behind him as he moved towards the bed, meeting his fling-partner who sat in his underwear and binder.
He’d had stopped undressing at this point, suddenly very aware of his physiology. A deep-seated guilt spread through his chest. If Fukase had approached this invitation so willingly, he was probably gay, and probably expecting a “real” man. It felt wrong to go along with this without giving any warning, but the time to speak was becoming narrower and narrower with the older man climbing up on the bed and tugging at the waistband of his underwear. A few conflicted whimpers tumbled from Len’s mouth,
“Ah, uh… Hold-...” But the noise was insignificant against the pounding of blood in ears. Fukase pulled his boxers down, letting his cock spring forth from its confines. He leant forward, a hand on Len’s shoulder for leverage and whispered into his ear as Len had done previously,
“Come on, take off those pants for me… I can take control, just chill.”
Len nodded sheepishly, finally taking his own underwear off. His head was spinning, and suddenly the room felt a lot hotter. He squeezed his legs together, trying to pass off that what was all he had, to be just the pubic mound of a penis. And to think of penises, Len hadn’t yet paid even an inkling of attention to Fukase’s. As he parted his legs and reluctantly left his partner to read between the lines himself, he turned to look. It was neither big nor small; it had a minute, right-leaning bend to it; and his balls were nothing remarkable. Len couldn’t say he was disappointed or unappeased by it, however he had expected more from the confidence Fukase had been exuding. Only when he’d completed his meticulous observations of the penis that would soon be inside of him, did Len realise it had gone a little quieter in the room. Even the pounding heartbeat in his throat had subsided for a moment, but the sudden silence sky-rocketed it once again.
Fukase’s hand lingered on Len’s inner left thigh, a slight shake of his painted fingertips felt against the soft skin. The silence brought on seemed to be a cue for Len to explain himself. God knows how long they’d been truly sat without words before Len snapped back from his careful cock evaluation. Dry-mouthed, sobered up, and shaking too now, under the assumption that this stand had very quickly wrapped, Len attempted to close his legs.
However, he was met with resistance. Only one leg could draw itself in as the other remained, restricted by Fukase’s unmoving hand,
“No, show me more, I want to see it all.” He said in a rather quiet, needy voice. His fingers closed in on the soft flesh of Len’s thigh, leaving white rings on the skin around each fingertip. With further reluctance, Len leant back on his forearms and spread his legs once again.
“Oh my God,” Fukase muttered. He ran his finger down the neatly trimmed landing-strip that Len had fashioned his pubic hair into. “This is so cute. It hurts, it’s so painful how cute this is…”
“I- Uh…” Len was finding it hard to think. The long felt want of another’s intimate touch was indeed welcomed, but Len couldn’t distract himself from the persistent guilt warping his ability to get turned on.
The room stayed quiet, save for little gasps of interest and fascination coming from Fukase as he explored the quivering boy in front of him. At last true sound broke, a pitiful whimper, and then a hesitant apology.
“I’m very sorry… Please don’t think that I didn’t tell you on purpose! I was going to tell you, but I forgot– You… I got carried away… I didn’t–”
“No, please don’t apologise! I’ve always wanted to fuck a trans! This is like a dream come true… Please don’t stop me now, I want to touch all of you.” Fukase professed. He met Len’s eyes with a desperation greater than any he’d seen before, and Len went quiet. A blush burned on his cheeks as he looked away from Fukase’s puppy-eyed, begging gaze.
They left the awkward, prying questions alone. Fukase’s emphatic, though undoubtedly fetishistic, desire to fuck left Len feeling the love in excess. The need in his tired self only intensified as they kissed, legs entangled and arms wrapped around one another on the bed, sharing heated breaths, rutting with longing against the other’s body.
Forgetting inhibition and shame, Len finally removed his binder. It felt great to be completely naked, all skin touching skin, leaving nothing to hide and nothing to fret for. Fukase was enthused by this advance too, directing Len to sit on his lap to fondle and squeeze the boy’s tender breasts. Meanwhile, Len put his legs either side of Fukase’s body so he could gingerly rub his slit against his cock, breaking away for moments at a time to tease and to entice. However, their foreplay wouldn’t last long. A burning fire set in their bellies told them both that this was enough build up, and there was only one thing left to come.
“You’re ready now, right? You’re wet. So... Much. It feels like it could start dripping down… Ah, this is so exciting…” Fukase whined. Len nodded, the tiniest murmur of a “yes” leaving his mouth as Fukase took him by the hips and guided him towards his cock.
The moment they united their bodies at last and the anticipation finally broke away, Len’s heart became the night sky, alight with fireworks and lanterns, ablaze in an attractive heat that no rainstorm could put out. Even just from Fukase docking himself, Len’s mad desperation was vanquished. He’d missed sex, the busy life of touring having eaten up all the time he’d usually have aside for it. Even masturbation became a fringe occasion, and when that no longer sated Len’s overcooked, runt body, the extended period of abstinence got unbearable. That unmatched feeling, clouding his mind with nothing but COCK, COCK, COCK flooded him at last, and it was almost maddening. With Fukase’s hands still bracing his hips; his heart still thumping in his chest from the initial movement; and his head spinning with arousal induced vertigo, Len raised his bottom half up to start riding his partner’s cock. When he dropped back down he saw stars, the same shining fire from before flourishing in his heart. That slight bend angled perfectly against his g-spot. Fukase found himself reeling too, all the air having left his lungs the second he felt that soaking inferno mould itself around his dick.
It didn’t take long for Len to decide that their current position was impractical, and becoming more-so the longer they went on, struggling to keep himself steady and moving at a consistent pace while sitting upright against Fukase’s body. He laid his chest against the other man’s, his ass raised up in the air when he drew his hips back and forth for more. Shamelessly, he hid his face away in the crook of Fukase’s neck like he would with a lover, nipping and kissing until the skin grew red and speckled. Former moans became needy cries, the sound filling the room alongside the loud smack of flesh and the visceral sounds of their painfully aroused bodies. This position let their bodies meet with little to no resistance. Penetrated deeper by the swollen, aching muscle, Len’s body shivered in unabashed pleasure. They fucked like desperate animals, like this was their last day on earth and they were exhausting everything they had just to get it out of their systems before they transcended to the afterlife. The perfect motion they lost themselves in seemed to stop time. Joined erotic bliss of the highest degree, nothing but sex mattered to either of them.
Even so, that wonderful timelessness had to be broken eventually. And it was, when Len and Fukase were dragged back from their horny hypnosis by the sudden - and most unwilling - halt of Fukase’s driving hips. At first neither could tell what had happened to bring such an abrupt end to their rump. They were only made aware once the cum had started to dribble out of Len’s vagina. Len sat up, weak but managing the staggered movement, and they both peered down at their mess. Fukase laid back, letting out an exhausted and satisfied sigh.
“Hahh, that was the best…” He moaned, wiping the sweat from his brow as Len climbed off of his cock. Len, now knelt on the bed with his pelvic floor tightened to its utmost in an attempt to keep everything inside, started to grin,
“Can we do it again..? I didn’t finish.” Fukase huffed. Drained, but admittedly also in need of more, he then nodded,
“Are you a pillow prince? Need taking care of…?” He teased, laying a weak smack on the boy’s ass when he got off the bed.
“That’s what you’re here for.”
After four rounds, Len had finally been sated. Spread out on the bed shivering in pleasure, he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. When his thoughts became less muddled he wouldn’t call this anything special, but in the moment it had been nothing but ecstasy. In all of the excitement they’d both forgotten the condom. Granted, Fukase had simply assumed Len would be infertile, in his mind a result of the “trans thing” … On the other hand, Len had flat-out forgotten, too desperate for dick to entertain even the idea of protection. This fact became no clearer to either man following the afterglow period.
After sharing a brief shower - involving a few more kisses and groping action - Fukase dressed himself and soon departed, leaving Len to bask in the endless warmth that always followed sex. He put on his pyjamas, switched on the TV for some noise, and snuggled up into bed.
***
A few weeks on, the tour and its surrounding events were over and done, forgotten until the next touring period. Rin and Len returned home and life went back to normal. Well, things seemed normal enough. Rin pointed out that Len had missed his period this month, which was a little out of the ordinary. Even so, that didn’t immediately ring any alarms. This had happened once or twice before, and on those occasions it seemed to pick up where it left off just as normal. Waiting on this became a somewhat nervous game however, when the weeks drew to the end of the month and he missed a second due date.
And then one morning, rudely awoken by a tight, churning sensation in his stomach, Len seemed to recall a few occasions where he may have let his neediness consume all notes of caution in his tiny brain. Fighting to get to the bathroom past the minefield of blankets, cushions, and plushes Rin had scattered across the room, he managed to hold himself together for just long enough to reach the toilet. His retching and pitiful whimpers awoke his sister of course, who had already assumed this conclusion right at the first missed period. Disgusted, but more-so concerned, Rin stayed by Len’s side and comforted him through the dry-heaving; moving him to the couch in the bedroom while she hurried off to prepare some tea. Then, once Len was sufficiently supplied with hot tea to soothe his body, Rin made a short trip to the 24/7 store for a pregnancy test (and some snacks, though those were more for her than for him).
Usually Len resisted Rin’s insistence with the pregnancy testing, but his previous pregnancy scare hadn’t even reached the “second missed period” degree, so he didn’t put up much of a fight when she handed him the box and directed him back to the bathroom.
Len followed the instructions and sat on the toilet, the test in hand. The control line appeared quickly, and then the result window started to display its result.
A little blue cross came into view.
That meant pregnant, right?
He sucked a breath in and swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. A faintness flourished in his body, his head tipping back and knocking against the wall before he could take back control of himself. A sudden sinking– no, more like dropping– erupted in the depths of both his chest and his stomach. Though, his crotch too bloomed with that swelling yet empty feeling. That startled him. Something like this shouldn’t have put that kind of feeling in him. Entertaining the reality of that sensation only worsened it; allowed it to warp from just a confused body-glitch to a full-on expression of arousal; made his head spin and fall back and forth even more beyond his control. It took a long time for his soul to return to his body, limbs lolloping around as they tried to work without his brain’s command. When his arms listened to him at last, he laid them down on his lap, squeezing his knees tightly under terribly shaky hands. That feeling was only getting worse, too. He couldn’t take his mind off of it! It was all-consuming, and there was only one thing that could be done about it.
More time was spent staggering to his feet, the whole time bracing himself against the sink and the walls. He clutched at the door handle, his palm clammy and hardly able to grasp it. It opened with a clatter and he very nearly tumbled out into the bedroom, his feet still disobeying desperate commands to PLEASE DO AS THEY’RE TOLD. Rin looked up from her lap, an expectant look on her face. She stood, ready either way to embrace Len in a loving hug.
“So-”
“I need… A little space. Please.” Len whispered, his eyes downcast. Rin made a slight sound of understanding and nodded, dismissing herself.
Len pulled off his pyjama pants and stumbled to the bed, reaching into the lowermost drawer to retrieve his vibrator. He switched it on and inserted it into himself, already wet and waiting. In a slightly catatonic state, he swaddled himself in the duvet and started to touch himself. Masturbating while actually horny - and even better, aroused - was the best… Those intense throes of pleasure were all enhanced by the panic and fear dancing around Len’s mind. They weren’t much of “thoughts”, more a simple chaos akin to the feeling of when you switch on your radio, forgetting you’d put it on full volume the night before… Nothing made sense, Len couldn’t remember the faces he’d kissed any of those nights. He hardly remembered his own face as he lost himself in troubled pleasure, pinching and pulling one nipple with the right hand; rubbing and squeezing his clit with the left. It hurt. His body still worked half-asleep, unable to regulate its force and intensity as it abused the rest of itself.
It took a mere ten minutes to get himself to an orgasm. A brief moment of peace was had while his brain flooded with endorphins, but it quickly left him in the following moment. The panic forgotten for only seconds returned greater and another pit of aching arousal swept through his belly in those following moments. He went again, and again, and again. Only when he was exhausted, sore, and numb out of his mind, could he stop himself. His brain had liquidated into a puddle that was set to dribble out of his ear onto the pillow if he went for much longer.
He tossed the sad, purple toy back into its drawer and laid back in bed, spent. The panic dissipated, and Len started to fall asleep. As with all other problems, this could be left to another day.