Chapter Text
Beomgyu is the one to hold Taehyun’s hand as he announces his pregnancy to their friends.
“You helped plan tonight, so you should be with me,” Taehyun said, pulling Beomgyu aside as soon as he stepped into the apartment. “Kai is already a little drunk and Yeonjun is so anxious. It’s like he’s the one carrying our pup.”
He didn’t sound particularly upset about this. Otherwise, Beomgyu would have called Taehyun’s mates out on leaving him to fend for himself, although their college friends are the people who were the least likely to react with anything but joy to Taehyun’s pregnancy.
“I didn’t do that much planning,” Beomgyu corrected him. “I bought the alcohol.” Although Taehyun, a bit of a drink connoisseur, had supplied most of it. He couldn’t have any of it now, and said that it looked sad sitting on his shelf.
“Isn’t that the most important?” Taehyun said. “It’s settled. You’re helping.”
The point of the party isn’t really to announce Taehyun’s pregnancy. It’s a New Year’s Eve party, one that Yeonjun and Kai had been discussing in vague detail for months, recent changes in their lives leading them to feel nostalgic for old memories and old friends. Taehyun hadn’t intended for his pregnancy to be a secret, anyway. It wasn’t a secret that his pack was trying, although the period of trying had lasted for less time than the current duration of his pregnancy.
It’s just good timing. He’s starting to show, and he won’t be able to hide it for much longer, although the baggy sweater he’s wearing tonight conceals his bump. That, and anyone who knows him well would be able to pick up on the underlying notes of Kai’s citrus in his scent, which are even more prominent than usual. That’s how Taehyun’s parents had found out, before Taehyun was even sure of it himself.
This isn’t meant to be a big deal, anyway. It’s a relatively small gathering, limited to friends and friends of friends. In their university years, Yeonjun, Taehyun, and Kai had had a wide social circle, and Yeonjun, ever the social butterfly, had kept in contact with most of their acquaintances to some degree. To some degree.
Heeseung arrived with a younger alpha in tow, a boy a few years younger than him but nearly Soobin’s height. Beomgyu recognized him—Riki, an international student who was a freshman at the time Beomgyu was a senior—and Taehyun recognized him, but Yeonjun whispered in Taehyun’s ear, obnoxiously loud, “Wait, who’s that?”
“My child,” Heeseung answered, deadpan, the way he says most things.
“I’m still in school,” Riki explained, as if this explained much of anything at all. “Astrophysics.”
So, among familiar faces, Beomgyu holds Taehyun’s hand as he tells his friends that he’s having his pack’s first pup.
There are ten minutes left until midnight, and in just a few months, Taehyun, Kai, and Yeonjun will become parents. That’s when their year really starts, Kai told Beomgyu yesterday. Beomgyu and Soobin are one of the few friends they had told.
Beomgyu gets it. He can’t imagine choosing to have pups as young as they did, but he isn’t mated, so it’s more difficult for him to imagine, anyway. He isn’t even dating at the moment, and he’s never dated anyone he could picture having pups with.
The three of them are different, though. Taehyun had once been opposed to having pups, and now he’s the one carrying Kai’s. People don’t understand it—Taehyun’s parents hadn’t, at first, which had caused him enough heartbreak—and some of his coworkers were judgmental about the fact that he had chosen to put his career on hold for it. But it was more complicated than that, and those who didn’t understand the full story, who weren’t entitled to it, weren’t always compassionate.
It’s strange to Beomgyu to think that they could be in such different places in life despite being so close for so many years, but it’s never bothered him. He’s just excited to support his friends—he’s already gifted them baby items with the extra money from his new book deal, determined to be the pup’s favorite uncle—and Soobin, his best friend, is in the same boat as him. Quite literally, since they’re roommates, and share the same philosophies about life and the future.
Ten minutes to midnight, and Taehyun’s palm is sweaty against Beomgyu’s. But his anxiety is for naught. Taehyun is a good judge of character, and he soon has to let go of Beomgyu to hug his other friends, eager to congratulate him and his mates.
Kai shoots Beomgyu a lopsided grin from across the room, and Yeonjun pulls Soobin into a hug before anyone else can approach him. His hands have been shaky all night, and an alpha friend’s scent, even if not his alpha, is comforting.
Beomgyu makes his way across the room to Soobin. The apartment isn’t that big, but it’s more spacious than Soobin and Beomgyu’s. They had decided against renewing their lease on their last place around the time that they’d decided to start seriously trying for a pup. Kai had gotten a recent promotion at work, and Taehyun’s job offered some paid paternity leave, so all the pieces had fallen into place at the perfect time. It was a good thing, because it had only taken one heat, and the tests came back positive two months after they moved into their new apartment.
Soobin is alone again by the time Beomgyu reaches him, Yeonjun returning to Taehyun to bury his nose in his scent gland. The three mates have been obnoxiously clingy in public these days, but Beomgyu can’t blame them. He figures he would be the same, if he was pupped and so in love.
“So,” Beomgyu says, “a job well done, huh?”
Soobin had been in charge of decorations. He stopped by the apartment this morning before work to help Taehyun string up paper garland and cook holiday-themed appetizers.
“I didn’t do much,” Soobin says, and laughs. It’s the kind of high-pitched, bubbly laugh that some people might say is unbecoming of an alpha, except Soobin is more than a little tipsy and he isn’t like stereotypical alphas anyway. Beomgyu thinks it’s cute. “But maybe we should still celebrate…”
“I said the same thing to Taehyunie,” Beomgyu says. “They didn’t need us at all, huh?”
“They have things a lot more figured out than we do,” Soobin says. He sips at his flute of champagne, left over from a drunken toast Kai had led earlier. He doesn’t usually drink much. He says he doesn’t have a high tolerance, so he only has more than a drink or two around close friends. Tonight must be a special occasion.
Beomgyu, though—he isn’t drunk yet, but it’s been a few hours of drinking steadily, and it’s starting to feel like a real party. He doesn’t need a special occasion to be tipsy.
“It’s an illusion. We’re not doing so bad,” Beomgyu says, although he’s thought the same thing a dozen times in the past few weeks. Sometimes he wishes that he could settle down—that he had a mate and solid plans for the future—but he’s happy enough to have a stable career, which hadn’t always been the case. And he likes that some things in life are uncertain. Unpredictability also leads to unpredictable happiness. “Taehyun really should have let Yeonjun help him cook. He called me earlier in the middle of a breakdown over whether everyone would be okay with eating reheated food. Like, how else would we eat it? Obviously he had to pre-prepare it. He’s pupped.”
And nearly six months along. It’s a testament to how busy he’s been that fewer people have found out.
“He’s always been like that,” Soobin says fondly. “Plus, hormones…”
“You’re one to talk about hormones,” Beomgyu says, snickering.
He’s saved from whatever protest Soobin would surely make by Sunghoon, a younger editor at their publishing company, coming to chat with Soobin. Less than five minutes to midnight, and Beomgyu feels alive. The energy in the room is electrifying, and Beomgyu feels it from his chest to the tips of his fingers. Something is happening, something new, some sort of shift. It’s going to be a good year, Beomgyu can feel it.
Maybe he needs another drink. To celebrate, of course.
He’s headed for the kitchen, where Taehyun had set up the drinks, when he feels a tap on his arm. He turns around to see Heeseung, greeting him with a warm smile. They’d seen each other earlier, of course, but hadn’t had a chance to say hello properly.
“Beomgyu-yah,” Heeseung says, and his voice is like honey. His hand comes to rest on the inside of Beomgyu’s elbow, his touch familiar. It’s maybe a bit too familiar, but Beomgyu doesn’t mind. It’s a special occasion, and the apartment is too crowded not to touch, since it’s impossible to hear one another without leaning close. “We haven’t gotten to catch up. I’ve missed you.”
Beomgyu was closer to Heeseung when they were in university. They ran in the same circles, ended up in classes together with their similar majors, and had common interests, but eventually became busy with their separate careers. Still, Beomgyu thinks fondly of the times when they would play games together and stay up too late having deep conversations about just about anything.
They still hang out every so often, but they don’t talk every day or even every week. Heeseung is somehow both passionate and flighty, warm but introverted. He’s comfortable to spend time with, but not usually so loose-lipped without warming up to it. Or without a few drinks.
“A good way to end the year, I hope,” Beomgyu says, smiling. He lets Heeseung guide him to a secluded corner of the room so they can hear each other better.
“Of course,” Heeseung says airily. “Actually, about that—”
“One minute left!” Beomgyu hears Kai squeal.
Right. A kiss for the new year. Earlier, Kai and Yeonjun had bickered over who got to kiss Taehyun, the star of the night, at midnight. Taehyun rolled his eyes and told them to kiss each other, and told them that if they were fast enough, they would be able to kiss him, too.
Heeseung steps closer, his hand facing from Beomgyu’s arm to his waist. He’s only a few centimeters taller than Beomgyu, and he just barely has to tilt his chin up to look at him squarely.
Oh. That’s what this is. Beomgyu is close enough to smell Heeseung even in a crowded room—his scent is so obviously an alpha’s, smokey and dark. Like sandalwood. Familiar and addicting even so.
“If you want,” Heeseung says. He’s already so close. His nose brushes against Beomgyu’s and tension crackles between them. On the other side of the room, someone begins a countdown.
Beomgyu would be lying if he said that he doesn’t find Heeseung attractive. Objectively, not like he’s actually attracted to Heeseung. He’s handsome, and smells good, and he’s great at making Beomgyu laugh. He’s a kind friend, so Beomgyu understands the appeal.
But it’s because Beomgyu is his friend that he knows enough about Heeseung that he’s confident that he doesn't want to date him. Not that that’s really an option, anyway. Even in college, Heeseung was almost always talking to someone new, and sometimes more than one person at once, although his relationships have never lasted long. He isn’t toxic, just particular. Beomgyu isn’t so masochistic as to willingly date someone so prone to breaking hearts, as much as a part of him also thinks that he could fix Heeseung, with all of his bad habits and unfortunate dating history and rugged charm.
One kiss won’t hurt. It’s just for fun, and both of them know that it doesn’t mean anything that deep. And it’s not like Beomgyu hasn’t wondered before, what it would be like. Heeseung is his closest alpha friend, after Soobin and Kai, and he’s gay, too.
Three, two, one, midnight, and Beomgyu leans up on the tips of his toes and kisses Heeseung. It’s a simple kiss, and Heeseung lets Beomgyu take the lead, respectful. Their tongues connect, briefly, just long enough for Beomgyu to taste the fruity concoction Yeonjun had had way too much fun mixing for the party.
They part after a moment that isn’t too long or too short. It’s just right for the occasion, for what their friendship is. “Happy New Year,” Heeseung whispers to Beomgyu, like it’s their secret.
But Beomgyu is already scanning the room, and he’s not sure why. He doesn’t care who saw; his kiss with Heeseung was just for fun. Even so, he looks, compelled by a force he doesn’t question.
From across the room, Soobin catches Beomgyu’s eye. A long, excruciating moment passes, Soobin’s expression unreadable, and then he tears his gaze away from Beomgyu and downs the rest of his champagne.
As it turns out, Beomgyu needs another drink after all.
The atmosphere in the car is icy as Yeonjun drives them home.
The car is new. Well, the car isn’t new, but it’s new to Yeonjun. There’s no need for one in the city, especially because Yeonjun is the only member of his pack with a license, but with a pup on the way he’d decided to make the investment.
“I’m not going to let my omega friend take the train home so late when his alpha friend is useless when he’s drunk,” Yeonjun told them. “Let me give you a ride. It’ll be faster that way.”
Beomgyu can protect himself perfectly fine, thank you very much, but he knows what Yeonjun means—not that Beomgyu or omegas in general are incapable, but that omegas are usually bothered less in public with an alpha companion, or at least a mating bite.
And Yeonjun is right. Soobin is functionally useless when he’s drunk. Not angry or irritable, just sleepy and clumsy. Usually, he’s also more talkative, but that isn’t the case today.
Yeonjun and Beomgyu attempt to make conversation during the ride, but it quickly dies out, especially without Soobin contributing. Not only has he been quiet, but he’s been actively avoiding speaking, giving short answers and avoiding eye contact, especially with Beomgyu.
Beomgyu doesn’t know when his shift in attitude had occurred, only that it’s annoying. He’d been perfectly warm and friendly all day, until the end of the party. Beomgyu returned to find Soobin after his kiss with Heeseung, but Soobin was somewhat standoffish, making excuses for why he had to catch up with people Beomgyu had definitely seen him speaking to earlier in the night.
It’s fine. Beomgyu doesn’t care who Soobin does or doesn’t talk to or how he spends his time, but he does care about the strange, unexplainable tension between them. He deserves better than to be treated like that by his best friend, but if something is wrong, he wants to fix it.
Unfortunately, though, Beomgyu thinks he knows what Soobin is upset about, and he isn’t quite sure how to fix it.
Snow has just begun to fall as Yeonjun pulls up outside of Soobin and Beomgyu’s apartment. There isn’t enough room for him to park.
“We’re here,” he sing-songs. “Are you sure you’ll be able to get Soobin up the stairs by yourself, Beomgyu-yah?”
“I’m not that drunk,” Soobin grumbles from the back seat, the first thing he’s said in ten minutes.
“Thanks for the ride, hyung,” Beomgyu says. His voice sounds strained rather than cheerful. “We’ll see you soon. We should have dinner together this week.”
Yeonjun squeezes Beomgyu’s shoulder. “Of course,” he says. Then he looks between Soobin and Beomgyu. “Don’t do anything stupid, okay?”
Soobin mumbles something under his breath—“What’s that supposed to mean?”—but Yeonjun ushers them out of his car, so he can leave his illegal parking space, before Beomgyu can fully decipher his words.
Yeonjun isn’t oblivious, and he’s known both of them for years. If there’s tension between Soobin and Beomgyu, he’s going to pick up on it.
Beomgyu shivers. It isn’t especially cold out, but Yeonjun had cranked the heat in his car, and Beomgyu isn’t dressed warmly enough to stand outside for long. He digs in his pocket for his keys to the apartment. “Let’s go, hyung,” he says, a bit more forcefully than he needs to. Soobin follows him without seeming to recognize his change in tone.
Soobin must be more sober than Beomgyu thought, because he climbs the stairs without stumbling—a challenge even when completely sober, given how steep they are—and even when Beomgyu offers his arm to lean on, he doesn’t need any help. Beomgyu himself is a little woozy, but he’s too focused on Soobin to care.
Once they get inside, Soobin speaks to him for the first time. “I’m going to bed,” he announces. He toes off his shoes and hangs up his coat without looking at Beomgyu still. Beomgyu hurries to shed his outer layer of clothing, wet from the snow. He grabs Soobin’s hand, and Soobin turns to him, startled.
“Hyung,” Beomgyu says. “Happy New Year.”
Soobin just looks at him blankly. But it isn’t okay, it isn’t fair, and Beomgyu crowds into his space and grabs the front of his shirt, desperate for a reaction.
“Soobin-ah,” Beomgyu says, and Soobin scowls. “It’s a holiday, and you’re acting weird. This isn’t like you at all. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Soobin says, and he leans his face away from Beomgyu’s, but he can’t go very far. “I’m not acting weird.”
But he is. Soobin is always sweet and compassionate, kind and funny, cuddly and attentive. He’s quick to laugh and hates to be the source of bad energy. He never ignores Beomgyu. They’re best friends. And they’ve known each other for so long that Beomgyu can detect the change in his scent when he’s upset. There’s something wrong, and Beomgyu isn’t going to let Soobin stew in his emotions when he could help fix it.
“Is this because I kissed Heeseung?” Beomgyu demands. His heart sinks even as he says it. Soobin isn’t the type of person to get upset over something like this—he has never been judgmental about who Beomgyu has gone on dates with or hooked up with, even though he probably could have been, quite fairly. He’s always supported Beomgyu in doing whatever he wants, and they’re friends. He doesn’t care about other alphas touching Beomgyu. “Are you jealous because he’s an alpha?”
“Beomgyu-yah, seriously?” Soobin says, exasperated. For a split second, Beomgyu feels guilty; Soobin looks genuinely hurt, and Beomgyu understands why. “That’s ridiculous. Why would you say that?”
“Because I can’t think of what else I could have done to bother you so much that you won’t even look at me.”
“Why are you assuming I’m upset with you?” Soobin says, exasperated. He frowns at Beomgyu’s hand, at where his fingers have unfurled. There’s no reason for him to be touching Soobin anymore. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
That’s the problem, isn’t it? Beomgyu grits his teeth. Maybe Soobin is only upset because he’s still a little drunk, and his logic is skewed, and they’ll laugh about this in the morning, when they’re both completely sober. But Beomgyu wants to deal with this now. An argument with Soobin would be a terrible start to the new year.
“Explain it, then,” Beomgyu demands. “I’m sure I’ll understand when you do.”
For a long moment, Soobin just looks at Beomgyu, as though he hopes that Beomgyu will drop it if he doesn’t. Then he says, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Not good enough. “I don’t need protection,” Beomgyu says, not unkindly. “And I don’t need you to decide what’s best for me. Are you seriously upset about Heeseung?”
Soobin’s jaw clenches. “Have you kissed him before?”
“I’m sorry?” Beomgyu splutters. Is he dreaming? It’s the last thing he thought Soobin would say.
“You looked familiar with each other,” Soobin says. “Like you’ve kissed before.”
“No, we haven’t,” Beomgyu says coldly. “Why does that matter? What does it mean to you?”
Soobin goes quiet. He knows that it was the wrong thing to say.
“You were jealous,” Beomgyu says. “I don’t get it. You know you mean more to me than he does. What is there to be jealous of?”
“It’s not like that,” Soobin says, but his protest is weak. He takes a step back and Beomgyu’s hand falls from his chest. But he doesn’t run away. “I just—you deserve better than an alpha who’s going to use you and then leave you.”
Anger and embarrassment flood through Beomgyu. Soobin doesn’t understand at all. It’s a mistake he can forgive him for, knowing that he isn’t explaining himself well, but Soobin’s word choice hurts.
“What the fuck, Soobin,” Beomgyu says. “He didn’t use me. He’s my friend, and I can make my own decisions.”
Soobin flinches. Kind, honest, empathetic Soobin—he’s digging himself into a hole that he can’t climb out of.
“It didn’t mean anything, so I’m not going to get hurt,” Beomgyu says. “So there’s no need to sulk. As if that’s a productive way of helping.”
“I’m sorry,” Soobin says, and it sounds like he’s begging. “I didn’t mean for it to come off that way.”
“It did, though,” Beomgyu says. He can’t take that back.
“I’m sorry,” Soobin repeats. He steps closer to Beomgyu. One of Beomgyu’s hands flies up to Soobin’s arms automatically. “I know you’re capable. I just want you to be happy.”
Beomgyu lifts his chin. “What kind of alpha do you think I deserve?”
“Beomgyu,” Soobin says warily, and suddenly it clicks. Soobin’s jealousy, how depressed he’d been after the party. It makes no sense, but it does. “You deserve whoever makes you happy.”
Beomgyu slides his hand higher up Soobin’s arm, to his shoulder, and then his neck. Spurred by sudden confidence, he says, “You never denied being jealous.”
He doesn’t know why he’s doing it or why he wants it. He just knows that he does. The tips of his fingers graze Soobin’s scent gland, and notes of oak permeate the air. It feels like he needs to push Soobin, like he needs an answer.
“I didn’t,” Soobin says, and that’s enough of a confirmation for Beomgyu.
“Why didn’t you kiss me, then, if you’re so jealous now?” he says. “Why didn’t you ask?” I would have said yes. You’re my greatest friend, so it’s wrong, but I would have said yes.
“I wanted to,” Soobin says, looking agonized. He’s holding Beomgyu now, his hands on his waist. His hands are so big, and Beomgyu feels so small.
But maybe we should still celebrate, Soobin had said.
Soobin leans close, backing Beomgyu against the wall. Beomgyu can smell him everywhere, can feel Soobin’s breath on his face, can practically hear his own blood rushing through his veins.
“You’re drunk,” Beomgyu says, stopping him, and desperately wants Soobin to deny this.
Soobin shakes his head. “Not really. I know what I want, and it’s not just about tonight.”
They look at each other, Beomgyu searching Soobin’s eyes. It’s just Soobin. It’s Soobin, and this is how Beomgyu should have started the new year.
“Take it, then,” Beomgyu breathes, and Soobin does.
Beomgyu has kissed plenty of people in his life, but not a single one of them was like Choi Soobin.
Soobin is suddenly everywhere all at once, his hands rucking up Beomgyu’s shirt and his tongue parting Beomgyu’s lips. His scent, normally subdued and serene, is sharp, so overpowering Beomgyu is drowning in it. Every time he breathes in, Soobin takes more, and it feels like he’s already inside Beomgyu even though all they’ve done is kiss. He moans, fingers digging into the back of Soobin’s neck, begging him for more.
Beomgyu has kissed plenty of people in his life, but none who have made him ache so desperately from just kissing, who have made him drip slick from their scent alone. Beomgyu’s knees are so weak that he has to cling to Soobin to stay standing. Soobin’s tongue is hot and insistent, and Beomgyu whimpers when Soobin pulls away with one of his thighs lodged securely between Beomgyu’s.
Soobin presses his forehead against Beomgyu’s and breathes in deeply. “Beomgyu,” he says, and his voice cracks. “Is this okay?”
It takes an impossible amount of self control for Beomgyu not to dive in for another kiss. It’s the fact that he can feel Soobin trembling against him that keeps him grounded—that reminds him that this is real, and that it means just as much to Soobin as it does to Beomgyu.
“I want more,” Beomgyu says. He can taste the last lingering traces of alcohol from Soobin’s tongue. “Is that okay?”
Soobin pins him against the wall and kisses him so hard and fast that Beomgyu is dizzy. If it were any other night, Beomgyu would be questioning everything—if this really is okay, what it means, if it matters that this might be a one-time thing. But tonight, he feels like he belongs. Everything makes sense, and for once, Beomgyu’s anxiety melts away. He lets himself grind against Soobin’s thigh and Soobin’s answering groan makes him gasp.
“Your voice is so deep,” Soobin says between kisses. “Pretty. Does that feel good?”
It’s been so long since Beomgyu has done this with anyone else that he had practically forgotten why he’d ever craved this in the first place. None of those times had meant anything, anyway, but the familiarity of Soobin’s scent, the easy way he checks in on him, sends a spark racing down Beomgyu’s spine. He nods. His breathing is shaky as he tries to regain his composure, his hips twitching, seeking pressure against Soobin’s thigh.
It practically feels like he’s in heat with how quickly he’s falling apart. There’s no way Soobin can’t smell how slick he is, as an alpha and one already so attuned to Beomgyu’s scent. But that’s only half of it. Soobin can’t see or smell the way Beomgyu’s body is forcing him ever-closer to his friend, his alpha. It’s instinct, but also so much more, and Beomgyu can’t get close enough to him.
“Want you to feel good,” Beomgyu says. “Do you—how can I—”
“Bedroom,” Soobin says, and the pressure disappears from Beomgyu’s crotch. Dazed, Beomgyu falls against his chest. “Come to my bedroom.”
Soobin doesn’t seem to fully process what he’s said until the words have left his mouth. His eyes are as wide as saucers, and he immediately lets go of Beomgyu. “I’m sorry,” he says hastily. “You don’t have to. I don’t mean to assume—I don’t want to push you.”
But it’s not just instinct or spur-of-the-moment cravings that Beomgyu is acting on. “No, it’s okay, hyung,” he reassures him. He wants it, why is Soobin so nervous? “It’ll be more comfortable there.”
How many times has Beomgyu been in Soobin’s bedroom? He tries to remember, as Soobin leads him down the seemingly-endless hallway to his room. After the first or second time, it hadn’t been a big deal anymore, especially since he’d visited his dorm room dozens of times while they were in college. They’ve been told that their living arrangement is untraditional several times, but Beomgyu has never thought twice about it. Why would it be strange to live with his best friend, even though their subgenders are instinctively drawn to mate?
It isn’t awkward this time, either. Instead, it feels natural to step into a room that captures so much of Soobin’s essence, awash in his scent. Soobin smells like home. It’s the same scent Beomgyu comes home to every day, that lingers on every surface of their apartment, that clings to all of Beomgyu’s clothes, that Beomgyu has come to think of as safe.
Alphas are never one hundred percent safe. It’s been ingrained in Beomgyu by society his whole life: alphas take, and even when they can control themselves, they want. Useless prejudices with a grain of truth; Beomgyu crosses the street at night to avoid alphas and he sends a friend his location when he goes on dates and he knows how to look busy on a phone call and pretend the catcalling isn’t for him. But he trusts Soobin, he always has, and he can’t pretend anymore that he doesn’t want him, too.
Beomgyu needs him, and he needs him now. One of his hands is wrapped loosely around Soobin’s wrist, and he drags Soobin to the bed, throwing himself down and letting Soobin crawl between his legs.
And oh, it’s so much better like this. Soobin’s weight anchors him to the mattress and his hands dance over his skin. When did Beomgyu’s shirt come off? He doesn’t know, but as Soobin’s hands trace over his skin, all that matters is that it’s gone.
Kissing Soobin is addicting; even more so is the sensation of Soobin’s plush lips against his neck as he sucks bruises against his scent gland. Beomgyu arches against him, and this time Soobin shivers as a new wave of slick trickles down Beomgyu’s thigh.
It’s empowering to feel Soobin’s unfiltered reactions to his pleasure—that changes in Beomgyu’s scent and Beomgyu’s moans can make an alpha tremble. “I want you,” Soobin says, pressing the words into Beomgyu’s skin like a promise. The way he says it is almost shy, but then he looks up at Beomgyu with an open, earnest expression, and Beomgyu knows that he’s sincere most of all.
“Then have me,” Beomgyu pleads. He guides Soobin’s hands down to his waistband, to the button on his pants. “Hyung, I want it.”
Soobin closes his eyes as if the sight physically pains him. “Right now, baby?” he asks, and the endearment warms Beomgyu’s chest. “We can wait. Don’t rush.”
It’s what any decent alpha would say, but maybe Beomgyu hasn’t been with many decent alphas. Beomgyu is offering himself up for his alpha to do anything he wants, begging for it, but Soobin still wants Beomgyu to take his time making his choice.
And when Beomgyu really thinks about it, the one thing he is sure of is that this feels like it was always meant to happen. He’s wanted Soobin for as long as he can remember, and now Soobin wants him. If his inhibitions were higher, he might have had a more difficult time admitting this, but now it feels like the easiest thing in the world.
Shouldn’t the fact that Beomgyu wants Soobin be enough? Why does anything else matter?
Soobin will be kind. Soobin will be good to him. He might not be any more talented than any of the alphas Beomgyu has been with in the past, but he will be good, and that’s enough for Beomgyu.
“I’m sure,” Beomgyu says. “Do you want me?”
“You know I do,” Soobin says. His hand twitches against the front of Beomgyu’s pants.
And he does. Soobin’s scent is bright and tantalizing, and Beomgyu can feel how hard Soobin is against his thigh. It’s Soobin, Beomgyu knows Soobin.
Soobin’s hands are gentle as he undresses Beomgyu. Everything is slow, as though they’re moving through molasses. His mouth latches on to his nipples as one of his hands skims the top of his thighs and Beomgyu writhes in his grip.
“Touch me,” Beomgyu begs. “Take me, I’m yours.”
“Patience, baby,” Soobin teases. He lowers himself down Beomgyu’s body, his breath tickling his sensitive abdomen. “We have all night.”
Time doesn’t exist in Soobin’s bedroom. “I want you now,” Beomgyu says. Will Soobin be able to make him come if they have all night? “I need it, it hurts.” Can’t Soobin smell how wet he is?
Soobin’s fingers stutter as he rapidly loses his composure. “Let me get you ready, then,” he says. “Beomgyu—”
“I’m built for it,” Beomgyu says. He parts his thighs and Soobin’s breath hitches as his gaze drops to where slick glistens between them. “I’m made for you.”
Soobin huffs. He rests a hand against Beomgyu’s thigh, pinning his leg to the mattress to keep Beomgyu still. “Won’t you let me cherish you, at least?”
He dips his head and presses a kiss to Beomgyu’s swollen clit. Beomgyu freezes.
“Want it?” Soobin says, and Beomgyu is suddenly caught between yes yes please I want it and this isn’t what I was expecting, the first time he’s been unsure since Soobin kissed him.
When Beomgyu hesitates, Soobin nuzzles against the scent gland on Beomgyu’s thigh. There’s no point except to comfort him, not when Beomgyu’s scent is already pouring from him with his slick. “Tell me to stop and I will,” he says.
“No, it’s just… I’ve never…”
Beomgyu looks up at the ceiling. Watching Soobin’s expression as he realizes is too much, and Beomgyu feels ashamed for a reason that he can’t quite place.
“Has nobody ever done this to you?” Soobin says, bewildered. “Haven’t you had boyfriends?”
Beomgyu squirms. He’s never felt so vulnerable during sex before. Will Soobin change his mind if he says the truth? “Alphas don’t like to,” he mumbles. And so he was too self-conscious to ask for it, even when his partners didn’t tell him they were opposed.
When Beomgyu looks down at Soobin, Soobin looks almost sad. “Then you should have been with me,” he says, and he dives back down to lick a stripe across Beomgyu’s clit.
Coming from any other alpha, it would be condescending. But it’s Soobin, and Soobin is devastatingly genuine. Somehow, it makes sense to Beomgyu that Soobin would say such a thing—that he would care for Beomgyu’s well-being and happiness even in this way. And so he loses himself in the sensation, throwing his head back and moaning.
It’s like nothing he’s experienced during sex before, a flood of sensation and emotions that in combination are unfamiliar. Soobin’s scent surrounds Beomgyu, and he melts into the mattress, into Soobin’s arms. Safe.
The pressure of Soobin’s tongue is maddening, sure even at the start, and growing bolder. He seals his lips around Beomgyu’s clit, kissing and licking and sucking until Beomgyu’s hips jerk against his face. “Perfect, Beomgyu,” he breathes, just loud enough for Beomgyu to hear it.
His hand creeps up Beomgyu’s thigh until one of his fingers circles Beomgyu’s hole. He pulls back just enough to see Beomgyu’s tortured expression, and Beomgyu’s heart skips a beat as he realizes that the lower half of Soobin’s face is soaked with spit and slick. “Want it?” Soobin asks again, and he smiles when Beomgyu whines for him.
Soobin’s hands are bigger than Beomgyu’s, his fingers longer and thicker. Beomgyu shudders as the first fills him, exploring his walls. With a partner, Beomgyu has never come from penetration alone. But Soobin doesn’t wait for that. He laps at the slick spilling across his folds before focusing back on his clit, flicking over him again and again. Beomgyu whimpers as Soobin growls, pressing his finger in deep.
“There, hyung,” Beomgyu says. One of his hands flies to the back of Soobin’s head, holding him in place, and he grips the comforter tightly with the other, feeling like he could slip away. “Need more—you can use two—”
It’s nothing like all the times Beomgyu has felt guilty or too demanding for asking for what gets him off. Soobin listens, and even better, he reads Beomgyu’s body language and his scent as though they’ve done this dozens of times. They fit together inexplicably.
Soobin adds another finger, crooking them to the right angle together. It’s just fingers, but Beomgyu feels so full—full of Soobin. His pace is urgent but steady, and Beomgyu is taken aback as he suddenly finds himself teetering close to the edge, just barely out of reach.
“Hyung, hyung,” he sobs. Soobin’s scent bursts, so thick in the air that Beomgyu can taste lavender sweet on his tongue.
It’s this that does it for him—the intense pressure on his g-spot, Soobin’s mouth hot on his clit, and the scent of an alpha satisfied with taking care of his omega. It’s a wave crashing on the shore, dawn breaking over the horizon; Beomgyu is filled with light and flooded with relief, shockwaves of pleasure racing through him. He lets go, moaning Soobin’s name, his fingers tangled in Soobin’s hair.
Soobin pulls away as the tension drains out of him, and slowly dislodges his fingers. When he lifts his hand, they’re coated with a layer of slick, sticky and glistening. Beomgyu is sensitive and vulnerable, and he shivers a little as he sits up, meeting Soobin halfway as he reaches out to hold Beomgyu against his chest, both of them needing to be close.
“You were so beautiful,” Soobin says. He plants wet kisses against Beomgyu’s cheek and his jaw, nibbling at his earlobe and over his scent gland. Everything feels hazy; Beomgyu moans softly and Soobin cups his face with his clean hand. “You taste so good, baby.”
“Yeah?” Beomgyu whispers. Nobody has ever told him that before.
“Sweet,” Soobin says. His tongue sweeps over his swollen lips, and Beomgyu stares. Soobin’s scent is heady again when Beomgyu touches his nose to the scent gland on Soobin’s wrist. Warm and dark. “Ripe.”
“Hyung, I’m yours,” Beomgyu says. As if in a trance, his free hand comes to rest on the bulge in Soobin’s pants. The best thing he can give to Soobin. “I want it now. Do you?”
Soobin’s tasted his slick, felt his inner walls—if he does want Beomgyu, he won’t be able to resist, and Beomgyu would give him anything he asked for.
Soobin inhales sharply. The fabric under Beomgyu’s fingers is damp, as though Soobin had soaked through. “I do. I always do,” Soobin says, and he tugs Beomgyu close for a deep, frantic kiss.
They separate just long enough for Beomgyu to strip off his shirt. He’s broad and smooth, so soft for an alpha, but this is enticing. Safe. Beomgyu runs his hands across every inch of his exposed skin, discovering all of the little places where Soobin is sensitive.
Cute, he thinks, giddy, when Soobin whines into his mouth. Such a delicate sound, and Soobin is so weak for him. It’s empowering and wonderful and Beomgyu wants to make Soobin moan like that again and again.
Their kisses grow sloppy as Beomgyu’s hands reach the waistband of Soobin’s pants, fumbling with the zipper. “I got it, Beomgyu-yah,” Soobin says. His hands are steadier than Beomgyu’s as he discards his own pants. Beomgyu’s throat clicks as he swallows; he could feel how big Soobin was, but it’s different to actually see him. “Get ready for me?”
This part, Beomgyu is familiar with. He turns over to present, his back arched, whimpering. Alpha, alpha, his brain supplies. He needs it, more than anything he’s ever needed before. Something tugs deep within him, drawing him closer to Soobin, to give him whatever he wants. He needs it more than he’s ever needed an alpha before. He’s never needed an alpha, but he needs Soobin.
But it doesn’t matter. Instinct doesn’t matter. “No, baby,” Soobin says desperately. He touches Beomgyu’s shoulder lightly. “No, I don’t…”
The rejection stings. He wants Soobin, he’s presenting for him, but the alpha still doesn’t want him. An apology is on Beomgyu’s lips before he can even think of what he did wrong.
One of Soobin’s hands on his hip encourages him to turn back over. Soobin is looking at him earnestly, and desire oozes into his scent. Beomgyu relaxes right away. He knows that Soobin isn’t upset with him.
“No, not like that,” Soobin whispers. He strokes Beomgyu’s cheek, soothing him. “I want to see your face. It’s you I need, I…” Soobin kisses him hard, like he can’t help himself. It’s strange to be able to taste himself on Soobin’s tongue—his own scent, tinged darker by Soobin’s. It’s addicting, and Beomgyu knows that the taste will linger. He wonders if he’ll ever forget it, or if he’ll never be able to go back to a world before they became Soobin and Beomgyu now that he’s experienced this. “You’re so gorgeous.”
Relief floods through Beomgyu. Gorgeous. He can be that for Soobin. They’ve shared an apartment for years, known each other even longer, but Soobin still sees him as an omega—as someone he could want.
“Is that okay?” Soobin says, and Beomgyu nods. “Do I need to—”
“I’m on birth control,” Beomgyu says, and Soobin goes quiet. It doesn’t make as much of a difference for male omegas, anyway, not when they aren’t in heat.
Beomgyu presses his thumb into the scent gland on Soobin’s neck. Lavender, oak, home, and Beomgyu needs it. He wants Soobin to hold him and fuck him, and protect him and hide him away in a place where nobody and nothing else matters. He wants Soobin to keep him in his heart. “I’m ready,” he says. “Please.”
And Soobin does. He holds Beomgyu like he’s precious, not like he’s fragile but like he deserves to feel special. Soobin whispers praise in Beomgyu’s ear as he climbs on top of him and licks his scent gland as he grinds against his cunt, wetting his cock with Beomgyu’s slick. He kisses away Beomgyu’s wince when he enters him, encouraging Beomgyu to wrap his legs around him.
“You open up for me so well, baby,” Soobin murmurs. “Fit me so well.”
Yes, yes, Beomgyu mouths, and it’s true. It’s Soobin, and Soobin belongs in him as though he’d always been there.
It’s hot and intense and overwhelming. Beomgyu feels like he’s burning up from the inside out, fraying apart at the seams as Soobin edges his cock into him. Beomgyu clutches Soobin close to bury his nose in his scent gland, breathing him in as though his lungs need Soobin’s scent to function.
Soobin’s thrusts are slow and deep, fucking him the way he might if he were trying to edge him, to draw out an inevitable conclusion. “Faster, hyung,” Beomgyu pleads when he’s ready, and Soobin gives in, his mouth falling open in relief as he hilts himself in Beomgyu.
It’s just as desperate as everything else they’ve done so far, except now they gasp into each other’s mouths, Soobin clinging to Beomgyu just as Beomgyu has to him. Alphas are supposed to be strong, they say, and Beomgyu is used to alphas putting on a show even in bed, hiding how affected they are as though Beomgyu will be impressed by their resiliency.
But Soobin is open and honest and Beomgyu’s kisses make him shiver. When Beomgyu clenches down on his cock, his hips stutter. He knows what he’s doing, sure—he grinds into Beomgyu, exploratory, until he finds the angle that makes Beomgyu moan, and crams his cock against his g-spot—but he also showers Beomgyu in affection, indulges him in praise unabashedly.
And the kissing. They’re best friends, but Beomgyu has no idea who Soobin has been practicing on to be so good at it. Beomgyu hardly wants to separate himself from Soobin’s mouth even as his thrusts grow more erratic, and Soobin lifts one of his legs, pressing his thigh nearly to the bed to bend him in half.
“Yes, Soobin-hyung,” Beomgyu wails as the new angle forces Soobin deeper. He’s helpless as Soobin drills into him, the beginnings of a knot catching at his entrance.
“Pretty, Beomgyu,” Soobin says. “My Beomgyu, so beautiful.”
My Beomgyu. If he could think about anything else but Soobin’s lips on his neck and his cock filling him, he thinks that those words would bring tears to his eyes. He’s always wanted to be something more to someone, but he’s always been something to Soobin. A good friend, a companion, and maybe they can have this, too. They’ve always belonged to each other, in a way.
Soobin has been staving off his orgasm for a while—Beomgyu can feel it, and he can smell the change in his scent, earthy and rich—not even touching himself as he gave Beomgyu his first, but he holds back until Beomgyu is close. Beomgyu doesn’t question it; it feels too good to be true, and he’s so close, he has to concentrate for it. And it’s a challenge to concentrate on much of anything when Soobin reaches down to rub his clit, nearly oversensitive, white-hot pleasure sending sparks up Beomgyu’s spine.
He comes again as Soobin spills inside him, his walls spasming around the thick girth of his knot. Soobin groans and presses his forehead against Beomgyu’s, the gesture achingly intimate. They’re locked together, each of them struggling to catch his breath.
So often Beomgyu has been knotted only to regret it, the close contact and heightened intimacy awkward with the wrong alpha. Now, he only feels content, a gentle resolution after such a display of passion—the way it should feel.
And the novelty of being knotted never wears off. Beomgyu’s inner omega is pleased, the beginnings of a purr rumbling in his throat. Beomgyu smoothes his hands over Soobin’s broad chest, fingertips tracing the divot of his collarbone. Soobin watches him with a tiny smile, and he tilts his head to kiss him. He sucks on Beomgyu’s lower lip for a moment, gloriously sensual.
“Would you be more comfortable if we moved?” he asks. “Maybe—you on my lap?”
Both of them would, probably, but especially Soobin, whose arms tremble as he holds himself over Beomgyu. It takes careful maneuvering, and Soobin kisses the corner of his mouth as he whimpers, Soobin’s knot jostled inside him. He sits against the headboard and settles Beomgyu around his knot, Beomgyu’s knees sinking down on either side of Soobin’s thighs. He exhales shakily, Soobin’s knot so deep within him he can practically feel it in his gut.
“You’re so good for me,” Soobin murmurs. “Was that good for you?”
Beomgyu kisses him. Soobin digs his teeth into Beomgyu’s lip, and Beomgyu tilts his head back, letting Soobin have full access to his neck. “You can smell it, can’t you?”
Soobin noses along his scent gland and moans. He laps at it steadily, finally scenting him properly. They’ve scented each other in the past, brief and platonic, against each other’s wrists, but never like this. Beomgyu has never felt comfortable allowing a hookup to touch him like this, and his ex boyfriends had never been pleased with something so simple.
“You smell so happy,” Soobin says. “You smell like you want me.” A flash of teeth against Beomgyu’s scent gland, and he quivers in Soobin’s arms. “Like you need me.”
He does, Beomgyu is sure of it. He’ll never be able to hook up with another alpha without thinking about this, without comparing the way Soobin touched him to the way anyone else could. Without thinking about how well they fit together, an instinctual sense of belonging. Even Soobin’s knot feels perfect.
It’s not just about the sex. Beomgyu knows that he loves Soobin. Not as a mate, but as a friend. As a person. He needs Soobin because he can’t picture life without him. He can’t picture a future that Soobin isn’t in, by his side the way he always has been. Life has been better ever since he met Soobin, and he isn’t going to give that up for anything.
“I do,” Beomgyu says. Soobin’s knot tugs at his entrance, so tight. Soobin is big, pressed against him in all the right places, and Beomgyu struggles to hold back a whine.
“I could come again like this,” he admits, and Soobin’s eyes brighten at the suggestion, although Beomgyu doesn’t really mean it seriously. That would be too much, when Soobin has already given him more than he could have dreamed of, and with how unusually sensitive he is tonight. “It’s because of you, hyung.”
“You can,” Soobin says. “If you want to use me, you can. You’re mine, and you can have me however. Whenever.”
Beomgyu can’t think. Everything is too muddled, and Beomgyu’s nose is full of Soobin’s earthy, oaken scent. Or something green? He can’t quite think of the word.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“I’ve always been yours. I’ll always be here,” Soobin says. He keeps nuzzling Beomgyu’s scent gland. Beomgyu wonders if it’s bruised. “If you want me…”
“I do,” Beomgyu says. He doesn’t know what it means, he only knows it’s true. “But you don’t…”
He and Soobin are different. Soobin is an alpha, but he doesn’t want everything an alpha is taught to want. He isn’t going to be the one to take.
“I do,” Soobin says. “If it’s you, I do. I told you, I’ve always been yours. Nothing will ever change that.”
Beomgyu knows this. He didn’t need Soobin to say it. But he did, because now everything makes sense to him with indisputable clarity.
Soobin’s teeth graze over his scent gland. He’s close, but not close enough. Beomgyu needs him under his skin, he needs Soobin’s scent inside him, he needs Soobin.
“I’m yours, hyung,” Beomgyu says. He repeats Soobin’s words back to him, and he knows Soobin will understand. Soobin growls and Beomgyu goes limp. “I’ve always been yours. Do it, I want it.”
Soobin knows. Beomgyu’s scent tells him, and this alone fills him with unimaginable bliss. And it’s ecstasy, pure ecstasy, when Soobin sinks his teeth into Beomgyu’s scent gland.
Safe.